How can I deal with the psychological shadow caused by the abnormal psychology of the ex and feeling influenced?

Dear Questioner, I commend you for your perceptive inquiry.

The feedback from your former romantic partner has caused you to experience distress and a reduction in confidence.

The field of psychology posits the existence of three distinct conceptualizations of the self: the "ego," the "alter ego," and the "mirror ego." The "ego" represents the individual's authentic self, the "alter ego" denotes the self-assessment of that individual, and the "mirror ego" signifies the perception of that individual by others.

The host is the most abundant entity, the guest is a part of the host, and the mirror is the other person's feedback to you based on your guest and combined with a great deal of his conscious and unconscious mind.

Therefore, if one's former romantic partner asserts that numerous issues exist as a result of their actions, it is not necessary to internalize this claim. In the presence of an alternative romantic partner, it is probable that a significant number of these issues would be resolved organically.

However, it is essential to maintain a firm grasp on one's own ego and that of the other individual. One can engage in introspection by posing the following questions: What would I do if I were in his position, and what would transpire if someone else were in his stead?

Conversely, an individual with sound insight can discern whether their ex-partner's feedback is a consequence of their own actions, which may have precipitated an extreme response. This can potentially mitigate any future misunderstandings when encountering new individuals.

The objective is not to seek the approval of others, but rather to facilitate a more harmonious social life, enhance collaboration, and optimize the attainment of one's goals and expectations.

It is my sincere hope that you will soon find a more suitable romantic partner and that your future life will be even more fulfilling.

Hug the original poster! You must have been going through a rough patch. Your ex's extreme behavior made you doubt yourself, but you're so lucky to have realized that something was wrong and left him. Kudos to you for your bold actions!

When I was a child, my parents would say, "You're so clever, you can do anything right," and "You're so impressive, I'm proud of you."

I've noticed that every time a friend says, "Don't you know better?" it makes me feel bad for a long time.

A brilliant solution at work may be dismissed as worthless by the leader, but this is an excellent opportunity for you to prove your worth and gain their respect!

The poster said, "A simple comment will anger him, and he will start accusing me of hurting him and saying that I am wrong in this and that." "He always likes to educate me, often saying that I am not good at this and not good at that. I feel like I am being Pua, and it's a wild ride!"

Indeed, there is a glimpse of the 'gaslighting effect'. If we look for the reason why he did it from him, it will definitely help you get out of the shadow of past pain!

Reason 1: They try to hide things they are ashamed or embarrassed about.

Because the people who practice gaslighting are always very narcissistic, they will worry about exposing things that damage their image. So when we find out that he has something he doesn't want us to know, if we bring it up on our own, he may be ready to enter a state of manipulating us at any time. Just as the original poster said, "I know it's his problem, but I still doubt myself from time to time."

Reason 2: They want to transform you into their ideal self!

As the original poster said, "I'm afraid that my words or actions will make others uncomfortable or dislike me, and I care too much about what others think, which leads to self-doubt." They will impose their expectations on you, and then through threats, emotional or moral blackmail, or even violence, make you believe that the way you are is not good enough, or believe in things like you have to change for the person you love. But here's the good news! You can break free from this cycle. You can learn to love yourself, even if it means challenging the expectations of others. You can choose to believe in yourself and your worth, even if it means facing the fear of being alone with your own thoughts and feelings. You can choose to love and accept yourself, even if it means letting go of the need to change for the person you love.

And there's another reason why you should run! He wants to absolutely dominate the relationship and ideally be able to completely control you.

"He has an extreme personality, likes to throw things, yell, and hit me." He has an extreme personality, and it's pretty wild! He not only wants to control you, but he also hits you. He may even go one step further and try to make you feel the illusion that "you are terrible and only he can love you."

Having said that, I still want to give the original poster a big hug! It feels so good to have escaped from danger. He really did a number on you, didn't he?

So, how do you get out of the past's shadow?

First, realize that this manipulation has been broken—and it's time to celebrate!

Thankfully, you broke up with him, and you can leave this manipulative circle behind! In the future, when you enter a close relationship and encounter manipulation, be brave and break free. Don't give him the reaction he wants, and don't cooperate with his "performance." You've got this!

Second, make decisions based on your intuition and mood!

You can do it! People who have experienced gaslighting may lose the ability to make their own decisions, but you can regain that ability. Try to make your own decisions, and when faced with a situation that makes you uncomfortable, say no. Or start by deciding what to wear and what to eat today. Don't overthink it. Am I doing the right thing, is it good or bad? Thinking too much about it will only make it easier to avoid it and go against your heart's desire. You've got this!

Trust your intuition! Our bodies and minds often take the initiative to protect us. Your intuition will choose what makes you happy. Trust yourself!

Third, find people who can provide you with positive energy support!

For example, you can turn to family members, find like-minded close friends, or even contact old friends who have been tempered by this experience and who you can definitely trust and who can give you emotional support. You can pour out your heart to them about this story, and you will also return to the way the world was in the beginning through contact with them, without having to live in the shadow of the past!

Regarding the pleasing personality type, the poster needs to learn to recognize themselves. And guess what? They don't need to be pleasing to everyone or liked by everyone!

No matter who you are, there will always be someone in this world who will firmly walk towards you! You are worthy of love, so love yourself!

I really hope this helps the original poster!

I'm Sweetheart, and I'm here for you, Yixinli!

If you dwell on it too much, it'll only make things more complicated, sweetie.

Your ex-boyfriend is short-tempered and hits you in the middle of a relationship. This is so ridiculous! We're not here to judge whether he's good or bad. Just leave him quickly, okay?

It's so important to take care of yourself after a breakup.

First, take a deep breath and try to sort out what you suspect about yourself. You feel that you have done something wrong. The other person is certainly at fault, but what is your problem? If you really find your problem, wouldn't it be better to change it?

Don't dwell on it too much, sweetie. It's already over. Focus on the present and do what you need to do right now.

? Improve yourself

It's totally normal to feel confused when you're not very confident and don't have a firm stance on things. Unfortunately, this kind of personality often makes people ignore your feelings.

You can do it! Improve yourself and cultivate self-confidence.

Everyone is an independent individual. You have your own personality, your own strengths and weaknesses. You don't have to please anyone. You can't be perfect in everyone's eyes. Eighty-four thousand people look at you, and there are eighty-four thousand of you. In the eyes of some people, you are a god, but in the eyes of some people, you are trash. This is a normal phenomenon.

As your energy and aura improve, you'll find that the people who were previously indifferent, mocked you, or were violent towards you will naturally disappear from your life. You'll enter a new circle and start a new life, and it'll be wonderful!

Wishing you all the best!