How can I handle the situation where my girlfriend insists on moving to her city for marriage?

Dear question asker,

In the context of marriage, individuals may encounter various challenges. These can include financial considerations, such as the bride price, geographical distance, and familial expectations.

Do you consider the geographical distance between you to be the most significant barrier to marriage?

Marriage is not merely about one person abandoning their current circumstances to pursue a relationship with another. It requires the joint efforts of both individuals.

If one were to relocate to the city where the prospective spouse resides, would the decision to marry be a foregone conclusion?

It is unclear whether the desired level of happiness will be achieved following the marriage.

It is important to note that marriage is not the ultimate goal; rather, it is the foundation upon which a happy and fulfilling life can be built.

The circumstances of your meeting are unclear. The age difference is significant, and your locations are disparate. The strength of your relationship is uncertain.

It would be beneficial to ascertain whether you have ever resided in the same city. It is important to recognise that cohabitation in the same city is a different proposition to living apart. It would also be helpful to determine whether your relationship is sufficiently robust to enable you to forego your career prospects and feel secure enough to proceed.

It would appear that your considerations are largely self-oriented.

You are contemplating your career development, whereas the girl is reluctant to relinquish her current circumstances. She is eager for you to relocate to her city, yet she is not inclined to hasten the pace of marriage. This may not be an indication of her desire to marry, but rather a suggestion that if you do not act, the relationship will inevitably end.

Regardless of one's location, it is essential to have a job that demonstrates one's value and provides the means to support oneself and one's family. It requires considerable courage to relocate to an unfamiliar city, and I empathize with your situation.

Should circumstances at work prove unfavorable, it would undoubtedly have a detrimental impact on your psyche.

Your current position is that of an engineer at HSBC, which is, in fact, a highly desirable role.

Should you relocate to Shanghai without securing suitable employment, the stability of your relationship may be jeopardized.

I am uncertain as to whether you have acquainted yourself with the Shanghai job market and attempted to secure employment. Is the reality truly as you have described?

What concessions has the female partner made in this relationship?

Are you prepared to remain in the position of the primary provider without seeking any form of compensation?

One must consider whether relinquishing this relationship would result in regret.

In the absence of any regret, whether regarding the decision to continue or to leave, I am supportive of your choice.

Those seeking a new relationship must also be prepared. It is essential to determine the characteristics of an appropriate partner with whom to spend the rest of one's life. This may be the most fundamental consideration. It should be noted that marriage is not a simple process. Best wishes for success.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am grateful for the opportunity to hear your story through your words.

I can see that you're facing some challenges in your relationship. You're currently in a long-distance relationship, and I understand that you're hoping it will end soon. However, you have different opinions about getting married and starting a family, which can be difficult to navigate.

When your girlfriend suggested that you develop your career in Shanghai, you felt a bit overwhelmed. You felt that it might be challenging to find a satisfactory job in Shanghai, and you also felt a deep sense of anxiety.

"I would like to get married soon, as my family expects me to. My girlfriend is only 24 and is not yet ready to get married." You want to reassure your family and stop worrying them about you. Your girlfriend is relatively young, which means she is not yet ready to get married. This is a difference of opinion.

In general, it seems that both parties are facing challenges in finding a way forward. The age difference and the long-distance nature of the relationship are likely contributing factors.

First of all, I think it would be helpful for you to communicate honestly with each other to understand each other's thoughts and expectations. You might consider asking your girlfriend why she feels the need to develop her career in Shanghai. You could also discuss with her the difficulties of developing your career in Shanghai.

It might also be helpful to talk about your thoughts on marriage and your plans for the future. If you can't agree on this issue, you may wish to consider some compromise options.

For instance, you might consider discussing a timetable and attempting to develop your career in her city for a designated period of time to ascertain whether you can adapt and meet each other's needs. It's possible that she has confidence in your abilities and hopes that you can be a more present partner.

And perhaps you might even ask yourself whether you should give up and find the next one. This is also a very personal question, and your relationship status and the reality of the situation need to be considered.

It would be beneficial to consider that the individual who initiated the issue may have the greatest responsibility in resolving it. Given that this relationship is a shared one, it might be helpful to discuss the matter with your partner before making any decisions. Having a clear understanding of the problem is often the first step in finding a solution.

- It would be greatly appreciated if you could respect each other's choices and decisions. If you are truly committed to this relationship, it would be wonderful if you could value each other's right to pursue happiness in life. Regardless of the choice you make, it would be greatly appreciated if you could value your happiness for the rest of your lives. I truly believe that you can find a way to solve the problem.

I hope that we can find a way to combine our knowledge and actions to create a lifetime full of happiness.

Hello, questioner! I am a Heart Exploration coach.

After reading your description of the problems and confusion in your relationship, it is clear that you are facing challenges. You are 38 years old and in a long-distance relationship with your girlfriend, who is in Shanghai while you are in Guangzhou. You want to get married early, but she wants you to develop your career in Shanghai. You feel that you are not young anymore and are currently working as a software engineer in a bank, but you may not be able to find a job that you are satisfied with in Shanghai. Your family wants you to get married as soon as possible, but she is not in a hurry to get married either. She is not particularly concerned about getting married or not. You need to decide what to do next.

You need to decide whether this is a case of giving up. If you find another more suitable one, you should go for it. Otherwise, you need to think about what you should do.

You're older than your girlfriend, you're not together, she's not in a hurry to get married, you're under pressure to get married, and the relationship is unequal. Are you really going to give up your stable job so easily and go to an unfamiliar city to develop your career? You two need to communicate and discuss this to see what the best course of action is.

I will help you analyze and sort things out.

1. Remain calm and rational.

Now that the relationship is facing challenges and encountering practical problems, it is crucial to avoid making a wrong choice out of emotion. Although the relationship is crucial, you must avoid getting emotional and try to remain calm and rational. When your girlfriend asks you to give up your job and choose to develop in a different place, you must remain calm. You must not rashly give up your career out of emotion. Seek a better solution to the problem through rational analysis. Is there really a more suitable job in Shanghai? If you go to Shanghai for development, will your girlfriend seriously consider the development of your relationship?

You need to decide whether you still resist marriage. These are all things that need to be considered.

2. Follow your heart.

If you truly love her and don't want to start a new relationship, fight for it. You won't regret it. Go to her city and see what happens. Try it and you'll know if there are suitable jobs and you'll also know how your girlfriend feels about your relationship. Girls prefer their guy to come to their city to find them because no one wants to leave their hometown to find someone else! If you're not sure, talk to the girl and ask her to give you some time to think about it. Think carefully about whether you want to stay with her in the future. If not, tell her as soon as possible so you can part on good terms and not keep each other waiting. Follow your heart.

3. Consider the practical issues carefully.

Apart from emotional problems, you must consider whether you can leave your hometown and parents and go to Shanghai to find stable work and better development. If possible, you should go to her city to develop your career, which will also further deepen your relationship. If that's not possible, you need to consider your relationship and find a way to solve the practical problems.

4. Establish good communication.

As a couple, you must consider each other's interests when making decisions. Communication and negotiation are essential for resolving issues. Discuss your plans to move to a different city. Consider the practical implications for you both. Think about whether you are ready to get married. Only after discussing it together can you make a rational choice that will benefit your relationship in the long term. Don't worry too much.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. If you require further communication, you can contact me via my personal homepage. Select the Heart Exploration service and send me a direct message. I am here to support you.

Hello.

It's a tough choice. You have your job on one side and your dream marriage on the other.

It seems like you'd have to give up one thing to get the other. Think more carefully.

You are 38, not 28. You can't afford to make mistakes.

You need to think about the pros and cons of different options.

Your girlfriend is 24. She wants to get married in Shanghai.

She wants you to come to Shanghai and get married. If you don't, you can stay where you are or look again.

There's no rush.

You're 38 and your family wants you to get married. You also want to get married, but maybe not move to another city to do it.

If your girlfriend is willing to come to Guangzhou, you can keep your job and start a family.

If you go to Shanghai, you lose your job, but you gain a family. You hope your girlfriend will come to Guangzhou or that you can both live apart.

I don't think you two can live apart. It would be too risky.

There are advantages and disadvantages to every point of view. Sometimes, there are also invisible compromises that are even more damaging.

You decided to go to Shanghai to marry your girlfriend. You have a family.

But you can't find a similar job, you have to take a pay cut or start from scratch, or you can't even find a job, resulting in a drop in income or even unemployment. At this time, you won't blame your girlfriend, or say, "It's all for you. I came to Shanghai for you, and now I've lost my job and my income has decreased. You still argue with me, so what's the point?"

If you compromise for someone else, you may have an advantage psychologically. You can demand that they compromise too, hoping that they will feel guilty. You may say, "That's not going to happen."

If you are happy, this problem may not arise. But if you are unhappy or have a fight, you may think, "I did it all for you."

.

.

Why are you still here?

.

.

This thought came to you, and you couldn't stop it.

It would also ruin the relationship. If you go to Shanghai, you'll have to make a big compromise.

Is this really your choice, or does it affect the other person?

You chose to go to Shanghai to marry the other person. You made this choice yourself.

You have to live with the consequences of your choice. But you don't know how to choose. You say you want to get married, and your family wants you to get married. Then you ask the Internet community, should I give up or should I continue?

You haven't thought about what you want, what you stand to gain or lose, or how you'll deal with the consequences.

I wouldn't change your job at 38. You're too old to regret it.

If I were your girlfriend, I wouldn't ask my partner to make major compromises for me.

When things are going well, people think it's because of their own hard work and choices. When things are not going well, they may blame others.

It's normal. It's human nature.

Life is about compromise. Accept the results with an open mind.

You should talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who is Buddhist and sometimes depressed. I love the world.

Hi, I'm Jokerev. I get it. You're at a crossroads in life, with a stable career and the pressures of reality on one hand, and emotional support and a desire for family life on the other.

This is a tough choice, and it's not easy to make a decision.

First of all, your career and love life are both important parts of your happiness. When you're 38, you've probably accumulated a lot of work experience and are facing the challenges of a new stage in life. Giving up a stable and promising job at HSBC in Guangzhou to start from scratch in Shanghai is a big decision.

The key to handling your girlfriend's request is whether you can communicate openly about this and find a solution that benefits both of you. She wants you to go to Shanghai for career growth, maybe because she wants a closer emotional connection and to live together, so you can explore this.

Many big companies now offer remote work or the option of working from multiple locations, especially in the software engineering industry. You could try negotiating with your company to see if you can set up an office in Shanghai or work remotely long-term.

Map out a timeline. After you've worked hard to achieve certain career goals in the next few years, you might consider moving to Shanghai. At the same time, find out what your girlfriend thinks about this. Is she okay with waiting a little while and is she willing to plan the future together?

If you have to make sacrifices, you need to think about the risks and rewards of starting over in Shanghai. This includes your long-term career plans, how your life will change, and what you want from your family life.

Marriage is a two-person thing, not just about one person relocating. You can talk through the issue together, make a decision together, and see if there's a way you can both compromise, like her coming to Guangzhou at the right time or going to another city together that's good for both of your careers.

If, after thinking it over, you decide that giving up your current job opportunity for the relationship is still too risky, or if the other person doesn't understand your distress and pressure, then you should also give yourself some time and space to think about whether you should continue with this relationship or temporarily set it aside and focus on your career development before looking for a more suitable partner relationship.

True love is worth putting in the work, but you also need to think about the cost and the possible outcome in a logical way. Whatever you decide, make sure it's based on respect for yourself and a responsible attitude towards the future.

I hope you find the answer that's right for you.

Greetings.

I comprehend your perspective.

"My girlfriend has requested that I relocate to her city in order to develop my career before she will agree to marry me. What course of action should I take?"

The girlfriend has made a request: the boyfriend (the questioner) must develop his career in her city before she is willing to marry him.

Do you consider this to be a genuine reflection of reality?

The institution of marriage is predicated on a process of continuous negotiation and problem-solving between the two parties involved. If one party agrees to the other's request for "territory" at a given point in time, it is imperative to consider the potential for that request to evolve or change in the future.

Therefore, while tolerance and accommodation may be appropriate in the context of dating, they are not sufficient for the long-term stability of a marriage. When both parties enter into a marriage with the intention of becoming lifelong partners, it is essential to establish effective communication, negotiate shared expectations, and cultivate a foundation of mutual trust and commitment.

The girlfriend's thoughts, however, are somewhat "unrealistic." On the one hand, she has no concerns regarding her boyfriend's future employment prospects. She may be attempting to assess his resolve, but this is an unrealistic expectation. On the other hand, after the boyfriend's departure, he fulfills the girlfriend's objective of marriage and provides her with a sense of security regarding the union. What, then, is the outcome should the boyfriend be unable to secure gainful employment? (Unless, of course, the girlfriend is a second-generation wealthy individual, and she and her spouse are insulated from the pressures of life.)

Furthermore, the questioner candidly stated:

"I am eager to wed because my family anticipates that I will start a family. However, my girlfriend is only 24 and is not inclined to wed. She does not appear to prioritize marriage either."

What is the optimal course of action in this situation? Should I cease pursuing this relationship and instead focus my attention on the next potential partner?

The aforementioned considerations lead to the conclusion that the relationship in question is not one of romantic partnership.

It is evident that you are not her girlfriend. The decision to marry her is yours to make. The primary reason is that she no longer feels unique, and secondly, there is a difference in age and generational thinking. Your girlfriend has indicated that she does not wish to marry you, and the questioner has already subconsciously made their own alternative choice (their girlfriend is still not the only option).

In conclusion, it can be stated that the issue of marriage does not represent an insurmountable divide between the two parties. Rather, it is the case that there may always be differences in the way that they perceive each other and in their life directions. However, it is the conflicts that arise in marriage that have revealed more of these differences.

In light of the aforementioned analysis, it is recommended that the questioner who believes that there is still maintainable and cherished love between the two parties engage in serious discussion and negotiation to resolve various issues (including work, future plans, and household matters) related to the integration of long-distance couples. If there is a genuine aspect of love present, it is likely that the conflicts between the two parties will be resolved appropriately, and they will not resort to pressure tactics, ignore each other, or fail to consider the other's situation.

As a result, love is founded upon trust, and as difficulties are resolved collectively, trust is gradually established, and the capacity to love is sublimated.

Nevertheless, if, following a period of calm reflection, it becomes evident that the two parties are unable to reach a compromise or consensus on fundamental principles, values, views on marriage, or views on life, it can be concluded that neither is the most suitable partner for the other. There is no necessity to engage in moral judgments, nor is there any question of who loves whom more or who loves whom less. The incompatibility arises from the fact that the two individuals desire different things in a relationship, which makes it impossible for them to establish a stable intimate relationship.

To illustrate, she desires pears, whereas I possess only apples.

The party who is demanding must meet the other party's demands, which can be challenging but is not indicative of love.

Therefore, it is erroneous to posit that relationships are based on the individual desires of the parties involved. Rather, relationships are created by both parties and require the full commitment of both parties to work together to solve problems. Otherwise, if one person desires to get married but the other does not, it indicates that there are unresolved relationship conflicts.

It is my sincere hope that this response will prove to be of some assistance.

I wish you the best of success in your endeavors.

I'm sending you a hug! When you're in a situation like this, it's important to think deeply and communicate well to find a solution that works for both of you. Here are some suggestions that you might find helpful:

1. Open communication: It would be beneficial to have an open dialogue with your girlfriend about her desire for you to pursue development in Shanghai and how this decision will affect your relationship.

It might be helpful to try to understand each other's needs and concerns and explore whether it is possible to find a middle ground that is acceptable to both of you.

2. Consider career plans and opportunities: It might be helpful to consider your career plans and the possibility of finding a job in Shanghai. While it may be challenging to find a satisfactory job in Shanghai, it is not completely hopeless.

It might be helpful to research the market to see if there are suitable opportunities or if it is possible to transfer within the current company to Shanghai.

3. Consider the sacrifices and compromises of both parties: In a relationship, both parties may need to make some sacrifices and compromises. It may be helpful to think about what sacrifices each of you is willing to make for the relationship and whether these sacrifices are acceptable.

4. Explore other possible solutions: It might be helpful to consider whether there are other solutions that could meet the needs of both of you. For example, you might want to think about whether it would be possible to maintain a long-distance relationship between the two cities for a while, while exploring job opportunities in Shanghai or Guangzhou that suit both of you.

5. It might be helpful to consider your personal and family expectations, as well as those of your girlfriend. Are your values, life goals, and visions of the future compatible?

6. Professional counseling: If you find it challenging to reach a consensus, you may benefit from the guidance of a professional marriage counselor or relationship expert, who can offer impartial advice and suggestions.

7. Inner examination: Finally, it is important to be honest with yourself. If you find that the differences between the two sides cannot be reconciled, or the sacrifices are too great for you to accept, then it may be necessary to consider whether to continue the relationship.

It might be said that sometimes letting go is also a form of love.

It might be helpful to take some time to consider all the options and possible consequences before making a decision. It could be beneficial to choose a path that best reflects your values and life goals.

It may be helpful to keep in mind that the most important thing is to find a solution that will make you happy and also meet your long-term needs.

Hello, question asker! I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach on the Yixinli platform. People usually feel uncomfortable when they hear this request, but I'm here to help!

Because her demands on you are mandatory and [not negotiable], and her own demands on herself are [not urgent, getting married or not is fine], then there may be some possibility that you two have been very unfair from the beginning. But that just means there's room for improvement! The other person can always stand on a moral high ground to accuse you, but you can choose to rise above it.

Or she might suggest things for you to do, and if you don't agree, she might say that you don't love her or you're not sincere. But you can see what efforts she has made herself! It seems that she hasn't done anything, but she's asking you to do this and that. And even if you do, she's not really in a hurry, is she?

Her original attitude was that it didn't matter whether you got married or not, and she is still young, so she can keep juggling between the two. That means you get to be pulled in different directions by the other party, who can keep dangling you on the hook! And the other party won't lose anything either.

Because she wants you to go to her city to develop, she doesn't consider your work needs or your current situation. But there's no reason why you can't find a way to make it work!

Oh, there's definitely room for maneuver! Just imagine what it'll be like when you get married or something later.

If everything has to be according to her ideas, do you think you will feel comfortable? Think about it: in order to pass on the family line and fulfill the expectations of your family, you could give up your job and everything else!

You work as a software engineer at HSBC, which is a great job! Why can't she come to Guangzhou to develop with you?

But wait, there's more! She can also support you and provide you with resources, etc. And she can even invite you to become the son-in-law of a wealthy family! It seems that she also cannot provide you with some opportunities and suggestions, but who knows what the future holds?

All you have to do is move to Shanghai! If you lose your job and the other person regrets it, then you'll have the chance to find a new job and start anew with someone else. The other person used the word "must," so they're putting you in a difficult situation. But once you feel that you're in a difficult situation, you'll know that this person may not be considerate.

Keep your eyes open for anything that makes you feel a bit awkward. It might not be a good thing, so be on your guard!

Don't be afraid to say "no" to any of their demands. This way, you'll have room to negotiate and make things work! You don't have to move to her city to develop the relationship.

Absolutely! You can promise to see her at least once a month during your long-distance relationship. This is totally possible, and nowadays many people are open-minded. Even after marriage, you don't have to live in the same city. Even if you have a baby in the future, you can take care of it in Guangzhou for a while and then go back to Shanghai. This is all possible, even if you can't reconcile now.

Who knows—maybe in the future, your girlfriend will be willing to come to your city or wherever you are! Or maybe your company will have a branch in Shanghai after you get there. You can go to Shanghai again—it's just that you can't make things a foregone conclusion. Don't always say things like "it has to be this way," because it really will make people feel awkward. You need to have a good talk with your girlfriend about this, and try to protect your feelings and let your feelings be heard. Good luck!

ZQ?

Hello, my name is Strawberry.

When two people enter into a romantic or marital relationship, it is important to consider the decision from both their positions in a way that takes into account the other person's thoughts and plans.

Perhaps the root of the issue lies in her attitude.

The questioner is currently in Guangzhou, while his girlfriend is in Shanghai. The 38-year-old questioner has already begun to consider the possibility of marriage, while the 24-year-old girlfriend is not yet ready to marry and has certain expectations and standards for her partner.

The girlfriend suggests that the two of them go to Shanghai for development, so that they can get along and develop in the future. The question knows that this is not easy or realistic for him, and he is concerned that the girlfriend has made it clear that she is firm in her attitude on this.

They have different ideas and plans.

The questioner is confident in his abilities, but he is also approaching 40 years old and is aware that he is no longer as free to act impulsively as he once was.

Given his current stable career, the questioner is contemplating the prospect of marriage, a future with his partner, and the possibility of starting a family. He is also considering the challenges and rewards that come with working hard and struggling together for the little family.

However, it seems that the girlfriend may not have a great understanding of married life yet. In a different city, she seems to be more focused on her own needs and wants, rather than engaging in a collaborative discussion with her partner about the best plan for their current situation.

I'm not sure what the best course of action is here. Should I move on and look for someone else?

It would be beneficial for two people who have chosen to be together to face and solve any problems they encounter together. It is possible that the accumulation of minor problems could potentially lead to a breakdown in the relationship.

There may be an issue to consider. For couples, having similar personalities can have advantages and disadvantages, and it's important to assess the situation. Both the questioner and his girlfriend have their own goals. If they're aligned, they can achieve twice the result with half the effort.

If the questioner is currently in their twenties, they may not think too much about their girlfriend's demands. It seems that many people in their twenties are more interested in solving the problem of long-distance relationships and being more willing to accept self-challenges, which they see as an exciting way to live their lives.

However, the current problem between the questioner and his girlfriend is that she has suggested that he move to the city where she lives and start a new life together. For the questioner, in addition to being unfamiliar with the place, he would be taking a leap of faith without any assurance and without knowing the path ahead of him. This seems like a significant step with his life, and the questioner is also well aware that he does not want to put himself in such a difficult situation.

☀️Thinking gap: As a post-80s poster and a post-00s girlfriend, age is no longer a factor hindering love. However, we can see that the different ages and experiences of the poster and his girlfriend have led to a gap in their thinking, which is something that could be bridged with open communication.

The questioner's girlfriend is still relatively new to the working world and may not have had much experience with the pressures that come with it. As a result, she believes that as long as the issue of living apart can be resolved, everything else will fall into place.

It seems that the issue at hand is not a significant concern for the girlfriend, as it does not align with her personal preferences. It's possible that she has not fully considered the questioner's perspective, which could be a contributing factor to the current situation.

☀️ Communicate: The questioner and his girlfriend each have their own plans and ideas. Faced with his girlfriend's actions and attitude, the questioner is uncertain about the best way forward. It seems that if he wants to maintain the stable status quo, he may have to consider other options.

The issue seems to stem from the girlfriend's decision, which was made without consulting the questioner. It's important to remember that relationships are between two people, and both individuals should be in agreement about major decisions. In many cases, it's necessary to take a moment and carefully consider the situation. There are many ways to express love, but if one person makes a decision and the other person is expected to agree, it might not be the most loving approach.

In light of their differing ideas and plans, the questioner may wish to consider communicating with his girlfriend about their relationship and future plans. It may be helpful for the questioner to communicate with his girlfriend in person, so that he can observe her expression and attitude during the process.

First, it would be helpful to express your understanding of your girlfriend's idea of making a request, so that she feels that you have her in your heart. Then, it might be beneficial to communicate the reality of the situation and give her time to think it over. Finally, it would be best to decide on the relationship based on her response. You can only say that different people have different ideas and cannot work together, and this applies to any relationship.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. Wishing you well.

Hello! I'm a heart exploration coach, and I'm so honored to be able to offer you some advice.

From what you've told me, it seems like your career is pretty important to you, and marriage isn't as high on your list. But you've met a girl you really like, and you don't want to miss out on this chance. So, you're facing a bit of a dilemma.

I'm here to help you sort out the current situation, so I'll express the following.

It looks like you and your girlfriend are in different places right now. How long have you been in a relationship?

It's so lovely to see how sure and confident you are about this marriage! It's clear that you want to get married from the bottom of your heart.

It seems like your girlfriend is really aware of your desire to get married! Did she only propose after she found out that you had to go to Shanghai for work?

I'm really curious about what this word represents. I have a feeling that if she's from Shanghai, her family is probably well-off, so I'm wondering if her family already knows about you two?

Plus, as a girl, she probably doesn't want to go to Guangzhou alone. It's totally understandable! She may not have any good friends nearby or be familiar with the environment. She would prefer to develop her career in her hometown, so the two of you are hoping that you will go to her place from her perspective.

She might also have thought that you feel you're more capable than her and that you can adapt to this new place in Guangzhou really well.

Then, looking at you, you are an older person, and as an engineer, you have also reached a certain position through your own efforts. If you go to Shanghai rashly, we cannot say that the position will be comparable to the current one, but it may be lower than the current one. I'm sure you'll do great, though!

On top of that, some of your colleagues will be sad to see you go, which will have a big impact on you. So is there any way you can keep in touch?

It's so important to understand whether she's really determined to have you go to Shanghai or if this is something she's only just mentioned.

I'd love to hear more about how he told you. What tone of voice did he use? What words did he say? What was his expression like?

I'm here to help you analyze how determined she is. We can also make an assumption together: if you really go to Shanghai and you are still in Guangzhou, are you prepared mentally for the possible outcomes of events that may occur in these two locations?

For example, if you're set on going to Shanghai, will you and your partner continue dating? Do you plan to get married right away?

Take all of this into consideration, and then think about whether you can get a recommendation letter from your current job at HSBC and get recommended to a good company.

I just wanted to give you a heads-up that this is also a direction.

Then there's the question of whether your girlfriend is still so determined to make you go back if you're still in Guangzhou.

If you're set on going to Shanghai, it might end up being a sad breakup. It's not impossible, so it's important to think about whether you're ready for that.

So, take your time to think about it. You can even write down all your thoughts and questions and send them to me. I'll do my best to help you figure things out and make sense of your current confusion.

I'll be waiting for your reply and sending you all the best wishes!

Good day.

After reviewing your description, I have a clear understanding of your current situation and the rationale behind your decision.

In your initial communication, you stated that your girlfriend is requesting that you relocate to her hometown before she will agree to marry you. This request can be viewed from different perspectives. In any relationship or marriage, the couple must be together for the relationship to last. There is a factual basis for the saying that familiarity breeds love. However, there are still many cases of long-distance relationships or couples living apart after marriage.

It is essential to have a stable emotional foundation in order to avoid potential issues in a long-distance relationship. If the emotional foundation is unstable, it can lead to the dissolution of the relationship due to a lack of mutual understanding and affection.

The situation is comparable, except that the pressure of family is different. From this perspective, there is not much problem with you going to her city.

This rationale is not entirely compelling, as the two parties would need to be in the same location. Alternatively, the other individual could visit your city, which would address the issue.

The questions presented are intriguing and worthy of further consideration.

Secondly, you indicated in your description that you have a girlfriend in Shanghai and you are currently in Guangzhou. You expressed hope for marriage, but she has requested that you relocate to Shanghai for professional advancement. You are employed as a software engineer at HSBC and you are 38 years of age. Additionally, you have encountered difficulties in securing a satisfactory position in Shanghai. Shanghai and Guangzhou are both first-tier cities, and the cost of living and finances should not be a significant concern. From this perspective, there are similarities between you and your partner. However, there are also some issues that require attention. You did not provide details regarding how you met or the duration of your relationship. These factors are also crucial, and the third point is the suitability of your current employment. If your partner's professional trajectory is significantly more advanced than yours, then supporting each other's growth and development is not a concern. However, if your partner's professional trajectory is not as advanced as your current one, the most immediate challenge after marriage will be economic.

The other factor is experience and time, which have a significant impact on the emotional foundation you currently possess.

In your description, you indicated that you are 38 years old and have been unable to secure a satisfactory job in Shanghai. You expressed a desire to get married, as your family expects you to do so. However, your girlfriend is only 24 and has no immediate plans to marry. She has not expressed a strong preference either way.

The age difference between you and your girlfriend is significant, at 14 years. While love can transcend age, this generational gap presents a significant challenge. It is possible that the two of you can still communicate effectively during the initial stages of the relationship. However, it is important to recognize that marriage and love are two distinct concepts.

If we use a metaphor to describe the situation, falling in love is akin to primary school mathematics, while marriage is comparable to taking a postgraduate examination. In light of the accelerated pace of modern times and the inherent stressors associated with first-tier cities, it is challenging for a marriage to form if there is not a 80% level of agreement between the two parties involved.

Furthermore, the description indicated that due to the age difference, she is not inclined to marry immediately, whereas you are eager to do so. Even if you meet her requirements and proceed with the arrangement, there is no guarantee that you will ultimately marry.

This is not a viable proposition.

Based on the information provided in your description, I would like to offer the following advice:

1. If you are willing to relinquish your current circumstances, you may wish to proceed with caution, as the probability of failure is high.

2. Given your desire to marry, your options should be individuals of a similar age.

3. Given the lack of specified location requirements, it is possible to identify a suitable candidate who is willing to marry you from a distance and provide a comparison of your financial situation.

4. Based on the information provided, it appears that this relationship may involve some form of deception and should be approached with caution.

The aforementioned content is for reference only.

Dear question asker, I am honored to be able to answer your questions and provide assistance. I hope my answer will prove helpful to you.

From your question, it is evident that you are experiencing a conflict between the two options. This indicates that you still value this relationship. However, we can still analyze the problem in a systematic manner:

1. You are already 38 years of age, which is considered to be "middle-aged," and you have a stable job, so you are eager to get married and complete this important event in your life. In contrast, she is only 24 years of age, which is 14 years younger than you. She has just entered society and the future is still uncertain, so she is not very willing to get married. Moreover, she is still young and may still have some room for choice. This is the first contradiction!

2. The long-distance relationship between you and your girlfriend is a significant source of distress for her, given the prolonged period of separation. The lack of physical proximity and regular contact has led to feelings of insecurity and a desire for more frequent interaction. She has expressed a strong preference for you to relocate to Shanghai for work, with the aim of strengthening the bond between you and increasing the frequency of your interactions. The use of the word "require" in her request suggests a degree of assertiveness and a perception that your decision-making autonomy is limited. This may be influenced by her perception of your age and the stability you have achieved in Guangzhou. While flexibility is a quality often associated with younger individuals in their 20s, you have reached an age where you value stability and the comfort of your current circumstances. The prospect of relocating to a new city and facing the challenges associated with a long-distance relationship at this stage in your life may be a source of uncertainty and reluctance. This presents a significant challenge in your relationship.

In summary, one individual is already in the middle of their working life, while the other is still in the early stages of their career. One party is primarily driven by a desire for change, while the other is motivated by a preference for stability. These differing perspectives give rise to a multitude of conflicts between the two.

In addressing this kind of question, which appears to be an either/or scenario, an integrated mindset can be employed to facilitate resolution.

1. The rationale behind your girlfriend's request for your presence in Shanghai is her desire for long-term and stable companionship. Therefore, it would be prudent to inquire with her about the possibility of her accompanying you to Guangzhou.

Furthermore, your familiarity with Guangzhou may prove advantageous in providing guidance for her future development in the city.

2. In the event that she declines the proposed relocation to Guangzhou, it may be possible to pursue alternative avenues without compromising one's fundamental position. One such avenue could be to engage in communication with one's unit to ascertain whether there are any business-related activities in Shanghai.

In the event that this is the case, it would be prudent to ascertain whether it would be possible to be posted to Shanghai for an extended period.

3. Alternatively, it may be beneficial for both parties to take a step back, identify a mutually acceptable space, and engage in joint development to create a small, personalized world.

Ultimately, this is a decision that must be made by the individual in question.

Good day, My name is Jiang 61, and I am here to assist you.

Firstly, I would like to thank you for allowing us to hear your concerns and offer our advice. The issue you have raised is that your girlfriend is requesting that you relocate to her hometown before she will agree to marry you.

"After reviewing your background and understanding your situation, I am available to provide a supportive and constructive response.

1. Introduction

1. Differences in outlook

You stated, "I have a girlfriend in Shanghai and I'm in Guangzhou. I desire to get married, but she wants me to relocate to Shanghai for my career. I'm 38 years old and work as a software engineer at HSBC, but it's challenging to find a fulfilling position in Shanghai. I am eager to get married because my family expects me to start a family. My girlfriend is only 24 and is not inclined to marry. She is indifferent about marriage."

Value differences

It is evident that there are significant discrepancies in your perspectives on marriage and romantic relationships. You are pursuing a relationship with the intention of marriage, whereas your partner does not appear to prioritize this aspect.

The age difference between the two parties is a significant factor in this situation.

Additionally, there is a significant age difference between you and your partner. You are the more experienced party, with a need for a stable job from a career progression standpoint. She, on the other hand, is younger and may not have had the opportunity to navigate the challenges associated with unstable employment.

Insecurity

Your girlfriend has made it clear that she will not marry you until you have developed your career in Shanghai. It is possible that she feels insecure and therefore does not want to leave the city where she lives.

2. What is the best course of action?

You inquire as to the optimal course of action, asking whether you should disengage and pursue an alternative.

It appears that you are facing a challenging decision between your girlfriend's lack of understanding, her expectations for marriage, and your family's expectations. Despite your positive feelings towards your girlfriend, her attitude has created a dilemma for you. I would like to use this platform to assist you in making a decision.

2. Analysis of the reasons for indecision

1. Sense of security

Safety is a fundamental aspect of any business operation. It encompasses the assurance of protection against potential risks and threats, as well as the assurance of reliability and resilience in the face of unforeseen circumstances.

A sense of security is defined as a feeling of confidence, safety, and freedom from fear and anxiety. It is also a feeling of satisfaction with one's present and future needs. Additionally, it is a foreboding of possible physical or psychological dangers or risks, as well as a sense of power/weakness in dealing with them. It is mainly manifested as a sense of certainty and control.

Insecurity

I am unsure if your girlfriend is overly attached to you. She has expressed reservations about relocating to your city.

From her perspective, it is primarily about her sense of security.

2. Views on Marriage

Marriage Outlook

The concept of marriage represents one's fundamental understanding and attitude towards marriage-related matters. It constitutes a key element of one's overall outlook on life.

A correct view of marriage emphasizes that marriage must be based on love and adhere to the principle of the voluntary participation of both parties.

The concept of marriage emphasizes that the two parties should have an in-depth mutual understanding, a common ideological foundation, mutual respect, and a strong affinity before they can become husband and wife and form a family.

The following are the reasons for indecision:

The reasons for your dilemma can be attributed to two factors: firstly, the difficulty of finding suitable work and developing yourself; secondly, the pressure from your family to get married, which is a significant but often invisible pressure.

I can see that the reason for your indecision is not that you and your partner lack a foundation of love. Rather, it seems that you value your career more highly than marriage and that you are motivated to marry for the sake of others, rather than yourself. This may be causing you difficulty in making a decision.

3. Double-tendency conflict

A double-constraint conflict

The conflict between fish and bear's paw represents a psychological conflict known as a dual-tendency conflict. This conflict refers to the internal conflict and conflict that arises when an individual is unable to obtain two coexisting goals that are equally attractive at the same time.

It is important to identify what we value.

Another reason for the difficulty in making a decision is the dual-tendency conflict, which prevents the simultaneous satisfaction of two coexisting goals. The choice between love and career is a case in point.

If you are unable to achieve both goals simultaneously, you may experience feelings of conflict and distress. This conflict could potentially lead to challenges in your professional life.

3. Recommendations

1. Select a course of action.

Select the appropriate course of action.

The act of choosing involves evaluating multiple options and selecting the one that best aligns with a specific purpose or need.

Consider the following:

Your values should inform your decision-making process. For instance, should you prioritize love or your career when making decisions, rather than being compelled to marry?

2. Self-growth

Self-growth

Self-growth is defined as the comprehensive development and progress of an individual through the improvement of self-awareness, continuous learning, and the accumulation of experience and skills. It is the core of individual development and one of the most important components of society.

Self-growth is an ongoing process with no definitive endpoint. It is essential for everyone to pursue continuous learning and discovery to achieve comprehensive progress.

It provides reassurance to others.

As we mature, we become better equipped to navigate family, career, and interpersonal relationships, instilling confidence in those around us. By taking a proactive approach to managing these aspects of our lives, we can foster a sense of security and stability in those who look up to us.

3. Establish clear boundaries.

Establishing and maintaining clear boundaries

A sense of boundaries is the understanding that individuals are independent and that responsibilities and rights are clearly defined, both for oneself and for others. This helps to ensure that personal space is respected and that violations are avoided.

It is essential to establish clear boundaries.

In the context of marriage, the decision is ultimately yours to make. It is important to remember that marriage is not about pleasing others but about making a personal choice based on love. When you make the right choice, it will be evident to others that you are an independent and trustworthy person.

If you make the right choice, we will be able to assess how to handle your relationship with your girlfriend and put your mind at ease.

I would like to extend my best wishes to the original poster for a happy and prosperous future.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can sense that you're experiencing some inner confusion. At the same time, you also seem to have a good ability to perceive things. This kind of emotional impact has prompted you to come here to share your thoughts and try to find a solution. This is a commendable approach!

It seems that you are facing some confusion regarding your relationship. You are 38 years old, have a stable job in Guangzhou, and desire to get married. However, your girlfriend is 24 years old in Shanghai, wants you to go to Shanghai, and is not particularly enthusiastic about getting married because she is younger. This has led to some uncertainty and confusion on your part. Is that an accurate representation of the situation?

All problems are opportunities for growth and learning, and we can all be effective problem-solvers. Based on your description, I have a few suggestions that I hope will be helpful.

First of all, I believe the answer is actually in our own hearts, except that sometimes we want too much and can't tell what our real needs are. It might be helpful to ask ourselves more often what we really want, and slowly clarify ourselves, as this could help us to understand our needs better.

Secondly, it would be beneficial for people to communicate with each other, especially in intimate relationships. It might be helpful to learn to express our feelings without emotions and to consider what we and our partners need. Open communication could be valuable in this situation. Intimate relationships require mutual tolerance. Identifying common needs in communication could help to resolve this confusion.

It is often said that meeting someone else's expectations can satisfy their desire.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider the importance of attitude in a relationship. It's something that can make a big difference in how things progress. If you're interested in marriage, it's crucial to understand her needs and try to meet them. On the other hand, if you're open to exploring other options, it's important to think about what you're looking for in a partner and whether this person can provide it. Ultimately, everyone here is here to support you in making the best decision for you. What I can say is that it's important to be aware of your needs and try to clarify them.

It is my hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

From your description, it is evident that you are experiencing relationship-confusion-how-has-my-language-hurt-my-husband-2893.html" target="_blank">confusion and apprehension. For you, your current employment is of significant importance, as is your desire to get married. The age difference between you and your girlfriend also gives rise to the perception that she is not inclined to marry at an earlier age, whereas you would prefer to do so. This presents a potential source of conflict and contradiction. It is, however, a common occurrence for such conflicts and contradictions to emerge in a relationship. The crucial aspect is how to utilise these conflicts and contradictions to facilitate the growth and understanding of the relationship, as well as of each other.

On occasion, when communication is conducted in a thorough and comprehensive manner, it becomes evident that the number of potential solutions to a given problem may extend beyond the initial assumption of a single or dual solution.

It is this author's recommendation that the following course of action be pursued:

1. Identify your needs and ascertain which is of greater importance at this time, thus enabling a more optimal decision to be made.

The question thus arises as to whether work is currently of greater importance to you, or whether the relationship is of greater importance. Are there any other factors that could be considered more important? A list of these factors can be compiled, and then a ranking can be made of the factors that you value and are troubled by in your own mind. If you consider your work to be the most important factor, then you can promote the development of the relationship while ensuring that your work is not affected. Paying more attention to work does not mean giving up the relationship. There may be other ways of solving this, such as effective communication.

2. It is often the case that conflicts in relationships are merely superficial. It is of greater importance to identify and address the deeper needs of each partner. When these needs are acknowledged and met, it is not necessary for them to be resolved through the other person's demands.

The apparent conflict in the relationship is whether the individual can go to Shanghai for development. However, it is necessary to consider what going to Shanghai for development means to the individual, what needs it satisfies, and whether the individual's deep-seated needs can be satisfied without going to Shanghai for development. Are there any other solutions?

For example, if a woman desires her partner to pursue professional growth in Shanghai, it is likely because she perceives it as a means of enhancing her sense of security and respect within the relationship. Her underlying need is to be respected and to feel more secure. If a couple can provide each other with sufficient respect and security within the context of their relationship, the necessity for one partner to pursue professional growth in Shanghai may be negated, and a more balanced solution may be reached.

Specifically, it is essential to comprehend and discern each other's underlying needs through effective communication. To this end, the book "Nonviolent Communication" offers invaluable guidance on how to express oneself sincerely and consistently in a relationship, articulate one's needs and feelings, and formulate specific requests to the other person. Additionally, it emphasizes the importance of actively listening to the other person's feelings, needs, and specific requests, recognizing that the purpose of communication is not to merely listen to each other or to prove who is right and who is wrong. Instead, through effective communication, individuals can foster a deep connection and promote mutual understanding and respect. This is the key to building a long-lasting and stable relationship. Otherwise, even if one is merely married in a formal sense, there remain significant risks.

3. It is essential to develop the ability to distinguish between issues, to make independent decisions, and to assume responsibility for those decisions and their consequences.

Ultimately, when confronted with a decision, it is essential to discern which outcome one is more prepared to accept and then make a conscious choice in alignment with that preference.

To illustrate, one may choose to relocate to Shanghai for professional advancement, which would entail the potential loss of one's current employment, the challenge of establishing a new career, and the possibility of ending a romantic relationship. Alternatively, one might opt to end the relationship, which could result in the dissolution of the partnership, the necessity of forging a new romantic connection, and the assurance of continued employment. Finally, one could choose to invest time and effort into fostering the relationship, engaging in constructive communication and ultimately reaching a decision. In this case, one would need to dedicate a certain amount of time and energy to the process.

The answer to the question of what to choose specifically is an individual matter. It is necessary to think clearly about which outcome one is more willing to bear and then make a decision accordingly. There is no such thing as a perfect person or a perfect choice. However, it is important to understand one's own priorities and to make a decision freely.

The aforementioned information is provided for your reference. Best regards,

Dear, I can relate to your current situation, and I hope my response can offer some support.

It's understandable that long-distance relationships can bring up a lot of uncertainties, especially when you're living in different cities like Beijing and Shanghai. It's a good opportunity to see if both parties are willing to take responsibility.

It seems that you and your girlfriend are at different stages in your relationship. You are eager to get married, but she seems less certain. It would be helpful to understand her thoughts and concerns.

You want to follow your girlfriend's wishes, but you are also worried about your future career development. It is admirable that you are taking responsibility and seeking help from the platform.

Life is also a process of continuous choices, and it may be beneficial to consider screening as a more important aspect than reform. It could be valuable to evaluate whether the girl is emotionally stable, how family members interact, and the stability of her career. What are your thoughts on this?

A man should do his best to provide his partner with a sense of security, whether in terms of financial stability or emotional support. This may be a key factor in why your partner chose you.

The current employment situation may present some challenges, particularly if you've been working hard for years in Guangzhou.

It might also be possible to find a suitable position for you in Shanghai. After all, it is a big city, and you are willing to bear the consequences of not being as good as your current job. It would be interesting to see whether your girlfriend could also accept it.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make. The above information is limited in scope. If you were to live together, it would be a realistic outcome. Having a material foundation is crucial and the most basic guarantee.

Given the age difference between you and your girlfriend, it's likely that there are certain qualities about you that she finds attractive and that she wants. It's important to consider that, as she is still young and has more options, there might be a problem if those qualities disappear.

As a girl, I also hope to be able to stay by my parents' and family's side. I believe this is a positive and admirable quality.

It is understandable if she has a career she likes and is unwilling to give up, just as you feel now.

If you two are united and agree on the same goal, it will be much easier to navigate. It might be helpful to weigh the pros and cons and discuss with your partner. Marriage is a significant commitment, and it's important to consider all aspects before making a decision.

Life presents us with many challenges, and our ability to withstand these tests is what defines us. We must also recognize that others may test our limits. Love, however, is a powerful force that can guide us through these challenges. If we can connect with another person on a deeper level and create a sense of comfort, it can lead to significant positive changes.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider the idea that growing yourself and correcting yourself is the future direction of development. It's possible that when you are better, you may attract more outstanding friends.

I hope things work out for you.

Hello. You didn't describe how you met or how often you see each other, so I can't tell how strong your relationship is. You want to get married, but you also need to balance your personal happiness with your career development. I can see that you're confused, stressed, and anxious, and I understand how you feel.

You must have really liked each other at the beginning to have been able to overcome the age and geographical differences. However, the geographical differences may have caused some differences in your views.

Your plans for the future are different.

Everyone has their own chosen way of life, and the best choice depends on personal preferences. Long-distance couples are very common nowadays.

If you love each other and can understand each other, you can live happily even if you're in different places.

Discuss your future plans with your girlfriend and explore other solutions together, such as her moving to Guangzhou. If you are willing to adjust your career goals, you can support her or go to a city where you are both in the middle. Find a compromise.

You must listen to your heart and follow your true feelings. Marriage is not a must in life. If you meet the right partner, getting married and having children is the perfect ending.

If you don't meet the right person, don't be anxious and don't get married just for the sake of it.

You will find your own happy solution. I wish you the best of luck.

Dear question asker,

In light of the predicament your girlfriend has presented, namely, her request for you to relocate to her hometown before she will consent to marry you, I would like to proffer some thoughts for your consideration.

The act of making choices, both major and minor, is an inherent aspect of the growth process that everyone must navigate.

Nevertheless, the more challenging the decision, the more imperative it is to engage in rational reflection to ascertain how to reconcile the decision with reality and to identify pertinent details, solutions, or insights derived from it.

For example, consider the following: "I am 38 years of age and am employed as a software engineer at HSBC." "I am strongly inclined to marry, as my family anticipates that I will settle down. However, my girlfriend is only 24 and is not eager to marry, and she does not appear to be particularly enthusiastic about marriage either." And so on.

It is essential to conduct a thorough examination of the underlying motivations and objectives that drive the decision to continue working in Guangzhou. These may encompass a range of factors, including a desire for stability, a preference for comfort, or the prospect of establishing a new partnership.

Additionally, the psychological tolerance of losing the stability and development of Guangzhou by relocating to Shanghai for professional advancement, as well as the degree of realization of the reality of "very much wanting to get married at the age of 38" by moving to Shanghai, must be considered.

One must not utilize the dilemma of the choice itself as a rationale for disregarding the logic, cause and effect, and gains and losses involved in the analysis. This will impede one's rational analysis and objective judgment.

Additionally, the dilemma faced by the questioner can be explained in terms of self-efficacy.

In other words, the viability of two potential courses of action must be considered: the first involves continuing to develop in Guangzhou in the hope of finding a partner, while the second entails relocating to Shanghai with the objective of starting a new life and achieving marital success. In addition, the confidence and courage to pursue these desired outcomes must also be taken into account.

Self-efficacy can be defined as an individual's estimation and evaluation of their capacity to execute a specific action, as well as the extent of confidence they possess in their ability to achieve a given outcome.

Individuals with a high sense of self-efficacy are capable of selecting more challenging objectives and exhibit greater optimism and confidence.

Conversely, individuals with low self-efficacy are prone to avoid challenges and may even give up, which can result in negative emotions such as disappointment and pessimism.

Thus, if one were to relocate to Shanghai with the intention of starting anew and achieving marital success, it would undoubtedly be more challenging, which would serve as a testament to one's confidence and a heightened sense of self-efficacy. However, it would be erroneous to suggest that embarking on a new relationship in Guangzhou is devoid of challenges.

In the event that an individual lacks the requisite confidence in their ability to successfully marry due to the perceived difficulty of securing a satisfactory position in Shanghai at the age of 38, they may elect to forego relocation to that city.

It cannot be said that this constitutes a complete avoidance and surrender; there are also certain rational and objective factors involved, although self-efficacy will be relatively low.

It is therefore recommended that one maintain a positive attitude when confronted with temporary difficulties.

A positive mindset is of great importance in both the workplace and in one's personal life. It enables one to better face challenges, clarify one's direction, work hard to improve oneself, and increase one's sense of self-efficacy.

Similarly, actively seeking support and guidance on the platform can facilitate a broader perspective, transformative thinking, and provide invaluable encouragement, assistance, and counsel.

Furthermore, it is advised that you engage in direct, face-to-face communication with your family members, allowing you to express your innermost feelings and thoughts. This can facilitate mutual awareness and understanding of your life choices, fostering a more constructive and supportive relationship.

Additionally, one may seek the assistance and guidance of other individuals, such as friends and colleagues, to assist in making the final decision.

It is my hope that the aforementioned information will prove to be of some assistance to you.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun. Life is a beautiful journey, not just appreciation, but blooming too.

Long-distance relationships When it comes to marriage and starting a family, where to settle down is indeed a very practical and difficult question. I can really understand how you feel. Let's share and discuss together:

First, you need to know what your relationship is based on.

I really like this saying: "Appreciating a person begins with appearance, respect with talent, togetherness with character, lasting with kindness, and finally, character." This is true in general, and also for love and marriage.

At the heart of love is a deep emotional connection, care, respect, and support for each other. Both parties respect and trust each other, empathize with each other, and are willing to share each other's lives and emotions.

A perfect relationship is not just about feelings. It's also about having a certain level of material stability. For instance, where you decide to settle down is a concrete reflection of your material circumstances.

Material things are part of love, to a certain extent. They provide comfort and security, which allows the two people to focus more on each other and the growth of their relationship.

"A poor couple has a hundred worries," and without sufficient material support, the pressure of life may have a negative impact on the relationship.

People have some stereotypes about Shanghai girls, but that doesn't mean your girlfriend is the same. So, as you get to know her and interact with her, try to understand her fully. It's especially important to understand what her emotional needs are behind her insistence that you settle down in Shanghai.

It might be because she's attached to her parents, wants more security in marriage, needs proof that you love her, or is reluctant to leave her comfort zone. Once you understand her emotional needs, see if you can find alternatives to settling down in Shanghai.

2. Make sure you communicate well and keep an open exchange, and don't lose yourself in love.

The truth is, love and material things go hand in hand, but they don't have to be mutually exclusive. You can have both. If you put too much emphasis on material things, it can hurt your relationship because you're not focusing on the emotional connection.

How much do you love her, and how much does she love you? The seemingly simple question of where to settle down actually reveals a lot about your differences.

Marriage is about finding lasting happiness, and the two-way rush is how love and happiness play out.

As mentioned above, it's important to understand your partner's emotional needs and find ways to meet them. This applies to you as well. You have a stable job and are satisfied with yourself. You're an older man, but you're also a reliable, high-quality partner, and your girlfriend is a young wife who will need your support.

But job transfers, settling down, and starting a family are not trivial matters, and they are not just things that revolve around her alone. Marriage is a matter for two people, but getting married is a matter that concerns two families and even two clans. You need to think twice.

At the very least, there's more than one good marriage out there. If the other person is really persistent and uncompromising, and you can't come to an agreement, it's not necessarily a bad idea to end it before it gets too painful.

I'd also suggest checking out "If Only I Knew Before Marriage." It's a love guide and marriage guidebook with some useful references.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

If you'd like to keep the conversation going, you can follow my personal blog, Heart Exploration Service.

Hello, question asker. I'm Evan, a consultant in the fine-tuning school.

The situation the questioner describes makes it clear that he is torn. On the one hand, there's his job, and on the other, there's love. Should he give up his current, satisfying job for love? It's a dilemma, no doubt about it.

Facing such an emotional and professional choice is indeed a complex and delicate decision, and no one can give the questioner a direct answer. What is important is that the questioner should realize that marriage is a major life choice that should be based on shared values, life goals, and mutual understanding and support.

The questioner must consider multiple factors when facing this tricky situation, including their own feelings, career development, and family expectations.

From a psychoanalytic perspective, it's clear that the questioner has reservations about this relationship. It seems that the girl hasn't taken the questioner's current work and income situation into account, which makes this intimate relationship a poor choice for the questioner.

Since the question was asked on a platform, we cannot discuss it in depth. However, we can analyze it from different perspectives and help the questioner see the problem more clearly.

It is crucial to communicate honestly about expectations and needs in an intimate relationship. The questioner must express his expectations and needs to his girlfriend to understand her thoughts and expectations about marriage and the future.

Find out her views on marriage, her expectations for the future, and why she wants the questioner to move to Shanghai. At the same time, the questioner should also express their concerns and expectations and discuss solutions together.

Communication is crucial in any relationship.

Rational analysis: Before making the decision to give up your current job and move to Shanghai, you must undertake a rational analysis of your career development and living situation. You must consider your career development in Guangzhou. You already have a stable job and career development at HSBC, and you are also older. Moving to Shanghai may face great uncertainty and risks.

The questioner must decide whether they are willing and able to give up their current job, as well as whether they can find a satisfactory job in Shanghai. Despite the age difference, a career change is possible.

The questioner should research the job market in Shanghai to identify suitable opportunities. Additionally, it is crucial to consider the girlfriend's perspective. If she requested the questioner's relocation for work purposes, it is essential to assess whether the benefits outweigh the costs.

You have other options. You don't have to give up your current job and move to Shanghai. You can explore other possibilities with your girlfriend. Find a job in Guangzhou that's a better fit for you. Look for a similar job that can be transferred to Shanghai. Talk to your girlfriend about developing in Guangzhou for a period of time. Then, you can address the issues of marriage and settlement after you find a satisfactory job in Shanghai.

Additionally, the questioner should consider whether it is possible to balance career development and family life through remote work and other methods. It is essential to consider your long-term plans and whether it is possible to achieve a compromise on living together, for example, if you both choose a city where you are both willing to develop.

The questioner's family wants the questioner to start a family, but the final decision should be based on the questioner's relationship with his girlfriend and the questioner's own happiness. Both the family's expectations for the questioner and the expectations of the questioner and his girlfriend for the relationship are important, but they must align with the questioner's personal happiness and career goals.

The questioner must consider their expectations for marriage. If the girlfriend is indifferent to marriage, it must be discussed in depth.

Marriage is a partnership between two people. Both parties must be willing and committed to the relationship. It also requires joint management and joint efforts. If only one party is making sacrifices and efforts, the relationship will quickly become exhausted.

Seek external support. When facing this situation, the questioner can and should seek support and advice from family and friends. They will provide you with different perspectives and solutions to help the questioner better cope with the dilemma.

The questioner should also seek the help of a professional career planner and a professional psychological counselor. These professionals can help the questioner see the problem more clearly and make the decision that is best for themselves. What is their inner expectation of the relationship? What do they want? Is it stability in life or the pursuit of love?

If you find that you have irreconcilable differences on key issues, it's time to accept that continuing the relationship may be a burden on both sides. It's more sensible to consider moving on and finding the next relationship.

Ultimately, this is a decision that must be made by the questioner after careful consideration and trying all possible solutions.

The questioner must consider their own feelings and needs and respect their girlfriend's thoughts and choices, regardless of the decision they make. If the questioner decides to give up their current job and go to Shanghai, they must be fully prepared and plan well to ensure they can get a satisfying job and life in their new environment.

If the questioner decides to end the relationship, they must also address their emotional and psychological issues and prepare for the future. I want to be clear that the questioner's happiness and career satisfaction are crucial aspects of life, and any decision should be based on these.

I am confident that my answer will help the questioner.