How can I save myself when my parents always fight at midnight at home?

Hello! I'm June Lai Feng.

I understand how you feel, but I don't think you should tell your parents.

We can express emotions, but not how we express them.

Your family has given you bad experiences and negative emotions.

Family relationships are complex. Your parents' relationship has caused you psychological harm, including anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, and fear.

Domestic violence is not your fault. You have the right to help and protection.

We must help parents find the root cause to trace the source of the problem.

Fighting between parents is a complex issue. It involves individual psychology, couple dynamics, and external factors.

Parents may face work, money, or other problems. When these problems are too much to handle, they may cause arguments.

Money problems can make family life worse and lead to arguments and violence.

If parents don't communicate well, they might misunderstand each other and fight. Being too critical, contemptuous, defensive, or rejecting can make conflicts worse.

Sometimes one person in a relationship tries to control the other through violence or threats. This is usually because they want power and control.

Both parents may have learned violence as a way of resolving conflicts. If someone saw or experienced violence as a child, they may think it's a good way to deal with conflict.

Mental health problems can make it more likely for someone to be violent at home.

Knowing why people are violent at home is important for helping yourself. Domestic violence is wrong.

In a family like this, your health is the most important thing. Stay calm when your parents fight.

Don't get involved. Find a safe place to get away from the fight.

Do something you like to relax.

You don't have to blame yourself. Your parents need to face and resolve their behavior.

This will help you relax.

Talk to your parents if you feel safe. Tell them how you feel. You can work together to find a solution.

Protect your mental health. Arguments between parents can affect your mental health. Talk to friends and elders to relieve stress and anxiety.

Think about your long-term safety. You may need to leave your current home. Find a safe place to live and make money on your own.

You could stay with your grandparents.

The most important thing about self-help is to accept the facts, rebuild your confidence and self-esteem, and rebuild your relationships. You are not alone.

Recovering from domestic violence takes time and courage. Take care of yourself to heal and rebuild your life.

I love you! I wish you happiness!

The questioner expressed gratitude for the present moment and encouraged the individual to recognize the value in having met them.

After reading your description, it is evident that you harbor feelings of anger and hatred. I extend my support and encouragement to you.

Let us engage in a discussion on this topic.

1. Identify the underlying resources that contribute to the experience of pain.

The bedwetting, fears, sadness, pain, desolation, and loneliness experienced during the growth process are intrinsic to the individual and form part of the self. Such experiences are universal.

The process of accepting and transcending these negative emotions will enable the individual to embrace the positive aspects of their experience with greater ease. It is important to recognize that the individual has already demonstrated resilience in the face of significant challenges, and that their capacity for adaptation and growth is limitless. With this understanding, it becomes clear that the individual has the potential to not only survive but also to thrive in the face of future difficulties.

This is the underlying source of your distress. You are reminiscent of a film entitled Desert Flower, which I advise you to view.

2. Discontinue the practice of expectation-setting.

Their approach to interpersonal relationships is, it must be acknowledged, flawed. We have expectations of our parents and hope that they will love us, understand us, respect us, and accept us as perfect parents.

However, this is simply their nature, and their inner child has not matured. When conflicts and contradictions arise, they engage in the same patterns of conflict and contradiction that they have always done.

It is possible that this is also the manner in which they themselves were raised, observing the dynamics between their own parents. They, too, possess their own fears and insecurities, which may prompt them to seek a sense of security from you, who are perceived as vulnerable.

Such individuals will often direct their anger towards their dependents, who are expected to tolerate and absorb their emotional outbursts. This is because the aggressors believe that their victims are unable or unwilling to defend themselves, and therefore perceive them as harmless.

This is why they are prone to losing their temper in front of others, engaging in conflict or debate.

The inner child has not matured, and the inner being is also severely deprived. Consequently, they are unable to provide psychological nourishment and a sense of security. This is because they themselves lack these things, and thus are unable to offer them.

It is imperative to relinquish one's internal expectations of one's parents and to pursue the resources available to foster self-nurturance and a sense of security. These resources may include a trusted teacher, a relative, or a school counselor, for instance.

It is important to believe that there is always one or two people around you who understand and accept you and can provide you with a sense of warmth and support.

It is imperative to relinquish one's internal expectations of one's parents in order to mitigate the intensity of hatred and facilitate the recuperation of self-love.

3. Acceptance of the self is a crucial step in the process of healing and growth.

It is important to accept oneself as one is currently, recognizing that one may not have friends at this time, that others may not fully comprehend one's circumstances, and that one's parents may continue to exhibit certain behaviors for the foreseeable future.

It is imperative to recognize one's intrinsic value as a living being, deserving of love, respect, acceptance, and recognition.

It is recommended that you use your sincere, authentic, and powerful self to get to know and make friends with others. It is likely that they will perceive a different version of you, as you possess boundless strength. Despite growing up in an environment that was particularly challenging, you were still able to find a way to save yourself and also have the ability to love yourself.

One can only attract people who accept and love them when they first accept and love themselves.

In the event of a recurrence of conflict between you and your parents, you may wish to consider writing down your feelings, going for a walk, or expressing yourself in some other way. It is important not to allow these emotions to fester and have a negative effect on your wellbeing.

It is this author's opinion that you are deserving of all the goodness in the world.

It is my hope that this response is of some assistance to you, and that you find the outcome to be beneficial.

Dear questioner, I can see you're going through a rough time right now. I'm really sorry to hear that your family environment is putting a lot of pressure on you, especially at this important stage of your life.

But please know that you're not alone, and there are lots of people who are here for you and ready to support you through this tough time.

First of all, I want to give you a big, warm hug to let you know that I care about you and that your feelings are real and worthy of attention.

It doesn't matter what your family situation is, you have every right to pursue happiness and joy!

You said your parents often fight in the middle of the night, which is really tough. I can imagine it must be scary and unsettling for you, and it's even affecting your sleep and studies.

I just want to let you know that you are not at fault here, sweetheart. Your parents' conflict is their problem, not yours.

In psychology, we know that the environment of the child's original family has a significant impact on the child's development. But don't worry! That doesn't mean you can't get out of trouble.

There are so many ways you can get help and support to move on and live a better life.

I think it would be a great idea for you to try to communicate with your parents first. Find a good time to sit down with them and share your feelings and concerns in a calm and honest way.

Let them know that you'd really appreciate it if they could be a little quieter when you need to rest and study. It'd be great if you could have a good living and learning environment! And don't forget to tell them how much you care about them and let them know what's on your mind.

It's also a great idea to get some help from outside your family. You can ask your school's counselors or psychologists for advice. They're there to help you and support you.

It's also a great idea to join some psychological counseling groups or activities. You'll get to chat with other folks who've been through similar experiences. It's a wonderful way to support and encourage each other!

And don't forget to take care of yourself, too! Try some relaxing activities like listening to music, going for a walk, or reading. They'll help you feel less stressed and anxious.

And don't forget to cultivate some hobbies to make your life more fulfilling and meaningful!

I know it may take a lot of courage and determination, but I truly believe you can do it. You are a powerful person, and you have the amazing ability to change your life and destiny.

Please, believe in yourself. Take that first step, and don't be afraid to seek help and support. You'll find there are so many people in this world who are willing to accompany you on this difficult journey.

Finally, I want to tell you that no matter what your family situation is, you are a wonderful person who deserves love and respect. You have your own special value and charm, so don't ever deny yourself because of family troubles.

You've got this! Believe in yourself and go after your dreams and happiness. We're always here for you, cheering you on!

We really hope that you will soon find your own light, hope, and live a happy, fulfilling life.

Hello, I am a heart exploration coach. Fly free. Life is a beautiful journey, and you deserve to appreciate it.

Your parents' selfishness and emotional instability have hurt you both physically and mentally. They couldn't handle their marriage and emotions well, and it has caused you to suffer. You really haven't had an easy time over the years.

And give you a hug.

Children unconsciously inherit their parents' emotional garbage.

They often quarrel and fight in the middle of the night, never caring about your physical and mental health, rest, or studies. Sometimes it even affects you, and you are dragged into their emotional disputes.

From this perspective, parents are selfish and immature. There are not only parents in the family, but also children. Everyone in the family has a say, and everyone needs to work together to maintain the peace of the home.

They ignore you and only care about themselves. They hit and scold as they please, without regard for time, place, or other people's feelings. You feel invisible and disrespected.

You feel aggrieved and angry, but you're still too weak to resist.

?2. Protect yourself within your capabilities.

Marriage is an important life lesson that parents must complete. They have chosen the most foolish and most costly way of communication: arguing. This shows that parents also have their own limitations and need to grow and change.

They should be left to complete it themselves, since it is their topic. When you are criticized and scolded by your parents, remember that it is not your fault. They have regressed to being a child and need someone weaker to feel a sense of existence and security.

When you see the limitations and imperfections of your parents, you can understand their childish behavior and appreciate the powerlessness and helplessness behind it.

In the process, it is crucial to care for and protect yourself. Don't pay attention to them, even if they say or do something out of line. You know that it is just a sign of their incompetence.

Dear child, you will grow up and enter into your own intimate relationships. You can see yourself in the future through your parents' marriages and relationships, avoid the detours they took, and create your own beautiful and happy life.

The book "Psychological Nutrition" describes the five types of psychological nutrition needed for a healthy and happy life. If you didn't get it from your parents, you can and should be your own "significant other" and nourish yourself.

"Knowing how to love" is about intimate relationships. You will have a life illuminated by love.

I am confident that the above will be helpful to you. The world and I love you.

If you want to continue the exchange, follow my personal homepage, "Heart Exploration Service."

Hi! Great question.

I can feel your strong anger and hatred towards your parents. You are still in pain, even though you have realized the harm caused by your parents' emotional neglect and understand that they are unlikely to change. But you can save yourself! You can reduce the impact of this harm on you now. Let's explore together how to save yourself.

Anger has power!

It's totally normal to feel angry with your parents. It's a way for you to relieve your pain. This kind of emotional catharsis is always better than holding it in and feeling sorry for yourself. If you don't let it out, you could become depressed. So, go ahead and express your anger!

Get the help you need!

I'm not sure if you're still in junior high school, but I think it would be a great idea for you to talk to your parents and seek help from a counselor. If you don't feel like you have the strength to talk to your parents about your needs, I think it would be really helpful for you to seek help from a teacher at the school's counseling center. The teacher will contact your parents, which will also make them pay attention to you. Don't worry, counseling is confidential, so you can talk about anything you want!

Family relationships

The harm your parents have caused you is not physical violence, but emotional neglect, which is a form of mental violence. You have been hurt, and you have been hurt since elementary school. But now you can seek self-help by asking questions, which shows that you have a very strong vitality. You know that you don't sleep well and you take melatonin, which also shows that you know how to love yourself. And I believe you have the ability to save yourself!

It's okay not to forgive, and you can do it!

So, it's okay not to forgive, but you need to let go. Parents are parents, and we are we. They may not have been able to give us parental love, but we have grown up and can emotionally rely on ourselves. It's time to clarify your own life goals and live your own life! This is what I want to say to you.

I also highly recommend the book It's Okay Not to Forgive, which contains specific, amazing methods of self-healing that you absolutely have to practice in your life!

I really hope this helps!

I am your friend, Potato Maling, who has grown up with you. Thank you so much for your attention!

I would like to extend a warm embrace to the original poster.

I'm truly sorry to see what you wrote. I can relate to it, as I didn't receive much attention as a child either. I later found solace in online games and made many friends online.

I believe it can also be a way to socialize. Many friends who play games also tend to have similar interests.

Perhaps the original poster could also consider identifying their interests and forming connections with individuals who share similar interests. When I was younger, I perceived that only the most popular students in class were truly capable individuals. However, I later realized that their popularity was not necessarily a reflection of their capabilities, but rather a result of their ability to connect with their peers.

Some students may find it challenging to make friends at school. However, once they enter society, they will likely find people who share their interests. This is something I've learned after living to my thirties.

In the past, I also experienced social anxiety in the classroom. However, I have observed that many of my classmates who previously had a large number of friends have continued to thrive.

I'm happy to say that they are all doing just fine!

It is inspiring to see students who are able to balance their studies with other commitments, such as pursuing a good university, finding a fulfilling job, and leading a life free from worry. In this society, time is a valuable and limited resource. It is important to make the most of it by studying hard when you feel like it, getting into a good university, moving out of your parents' house, and taking the first steps towards an independent life.

I hope you can look ahead and that if you work hard, your life will improve. If you really can't go on, you might consider talking to your school teachers, the elderly at the neighborhood committee, or a charity in the community.

The world is full of love, and there are always people who will listen. We are all here to support you, just as the people who answered you online have done.

Let me encourage you to look on the bright side.