How can one find a way to maintain inner peace while washing the dishes after a meal?

Dear question asker,

Perhaps the issue lies in the dishes after dinner. How might you calm yourself in this situation?

From what you've shared, it seems that the root of the issue may have been your return from a hike later than anticipated, and your desire to still prepare dinner despite feeling tired. Following dinner, you hoped for your husband's assistance with washing dishes, but he only washed his own. This led to feelings of frustration and a desire to express your feelings, but you chose to remain calm, feeling a sense of depression and suffocation.

Perhaps we can examine a few details together.

1. You ask your husband to do the dishes today, and he asks you what you've been doing. Although you're upset, you respond, "I'm fine, I'm just going to sit here." I understand that you're being a little defiant, and your intention is to let your husband know that you're tired and that you want him to do the dishes.

Perhaps we could consider trying a different approach. At the beginning of the meal, you could tell your husband, "Honey, I'm really tired from hiking today, but I insisted on cooking dinner. After we eat, I'm going to need you to wash the dishes. Is that okay?" It might be helpful to express your feelings directly, without waiting for him to notice.

2. When you said, "I'm fine, I'll just sit here for a while," you said that your husband didn't lose his temper too much this time, just giving a disdainful expression. I'm not quite sure I understand. Would it be more appropriate for you to express your frustration in this situation?

3. After your husband has washed the dishes, you go to check, and he has left your rice bowl where it was. It's understandable that he might be expressing his dissatisfaction with you. Should he be doing that?

Perhaps it would be more constructive to express your feelings directly, without waiting for him to notice. Who can understand you?

You still choose to endure, not wanting to cause any undue distress or disruption.

Could I ask what you do to calm yourself?

From the previous analysis, it can be seen that the way you get along with your husband is that you always choose to tolerate, make do with, and compromise. This kind of pattern may not be the most effective in promoting inner peace, given that it stems from a sense of grievance.

How might we approach this?

It might be helpful to consider using "non-violent communication" to talk things over and discuss things properly.

It is important to maintain fairness and equality in the relationship, while also being open to expressing your own opinions when the time is right.

Tolerance means tolerance, mutual understanding, and support. However, it's important to recognize that taking care of everything does not necessarily guarantee a positive response from one's partner. A healthy intimate relationship is built on mutual efforts, support, and understanding.

I hope these suggestions are helpful for the original poster.

The present is good! Be grateful for the encounter.

From your description, I can sense your inner anger, frustration, and sadness. You deserve hugs!

Let's talk about this together.

1. See your emotions.

It is crucial to acknowledge and allow these emotions to flow freely, as suppressing them can have adverse effects on our well-being. If we fail to address and release suppressed emotions, they may resurface with greater intensity, potentially causing further damage. To achieve inner peace, it is essential to recognize and accept our emotions with understanding and compassion.

"I went hiking today and will be back at 7:15." You must have been very tired after the hike and it was dark when you got home. I don't know if you had any expectations that your husband would have a good meal ready for you when you got home (this depends on how your husband usually behaves, so you might have such expectations). At least you cooked and fried the food despite being very tired. You didn't take care of your own tiredness first. You cooked and took care of your husband, which made you feel aggrieved inside and forced you to make the meal. Later, you would have demands and expectations of your husband. Inside, you might have a voice saying, "I'm so tired, I'm back so late, and I'm still cooking for you.

The love you give is not unconditional; it has requirements. I was upset at the time. I went hiking, I was tired and panicked, and I cooked dinner. I should have discovered it myself and taken the initiative to wash the dishes.

"

Later, you heard the sound of running water and thought, "Not bad. It seems like the dishes are being washed." You expected your husband to wash the pots and pans and dishes, but he didn't. Your expectations were raised by your misunderstanding, and reality crashed them to the ground. You were disappointed because your expectations had not been met. Seeing that he had not washed your dishes or tidied up after cooking, you felt that he did not value you, did not take care of your tired body, did not recognize the effort you had put into cooking, and did not respect your decision to say, "You wash the dishes today." He did not satisfy your inner need to be cared for, valued, and respected, which made you angry.

Your husband's dissatisfaction makes you feel unfairly treated. It's clear he doesn't understand or accept you, and he doesn't take care of you. His defiance makes you feel things are out of control, and you become even more angry and want to argue with him.

2. Write down your emotions.

These emotions reached a boiling point when you saw that he had only washed the pots and his own bowl. You wanted to smash your bowl and show him, but you knew that this would have no effect on him, so you held back.

You have the power to control your emotions. Resisting will harm your body and prolong the matter.

Write down this process and the emotions you experience during it, along with any thoughts that come to mind. This will help you sort through your emotions, calm down, and create a more appropriate emotional flow.

During the writing process, you can see the emotions you have and your own psychological needs behind them. When you see these needs, go and satisfy yourself, and comfort the child within you that is hurt and waiting to be cared for, respected, and understood.

Give yourself a warm, understanding hug. When you take care of yourself and communicate with your husband, your expectations of him will be lower.

3. Effective communication

This incident has caused him to feel dissatisfied, and you also feel angry inside. It is important to handle this properly, as it could become a minor source of trouble in your future life.

Once you've completed the previous two steps and your emotions have calmed down, you can then communicate effectively with him to turn this conflict into a positive for your happy life.

First, tell him the facts you saw and heard. Then, tell him how you feel, what you expect, and what you want him to do. This way, he'll understand why you're upset, what you expected from him, and what you'd like him to do in the future.

At the same time, you must give his dissatisfaction a chance to be seen. When his emotions are seen, his inner accusations, complaints, and dissatisfaction will be let go. Then you can go through the process of checking again, and you will understand why he feels dissatisfied.

You will determine what to do in the future and how to express yourself to get him to do some chores through such mutual understanding and effective communication. You will also understand his love language better and be able to accurately meet his inner needs.

I am confident that my answer will be helpful to you. I wish you the best!

Hello!

You're tired and want a break. You ask your husband to wash the dishes, but he only washes yours. You know he's angry, but you're more concerned with understanding your emotions than arguing.

You can easily perceive your own emotions and thoughts, but when you communicate with your husband, you automatically bring your own thinking into the equation. You don't consider whether the other person can understand your underlying needs. For example, you said, "You wash the dishes today," but the other person might wonder why you're not washing the dishes today.

You told him what to do without telling him why. Later, he asked you where you were going.

Your response seems rude. It forces your husband to empathize with your feelings. But he doesn't know that. Instead, he feels angry. If you change it to, "I'm tired from hiking today. Can you do the dishes tonight so I can rest?"

"Your husband might understand why you do what you do.

When your husband refuses to wash your dishes, he's not dealing with his emotions. This makes you angry because you haven't achieved your goal.

You understand the other person, but their actions make you angry. Don't argue. Ask your husband something.

If you only cook for yourself, how does your husband feel? Try to see things from his perspective and tell him how it makes you feel. Don't blame him for not communicating well.

I hope this helps. Best regards!

Hello.

You went hiking and got home at more than 7 o'clock. You are very, very tired. But you insisted on cooking and stir-frying the vegetables.

Your husband should wash the pots and bowls after dinner.

You know your husband well, and you know that he never washes the pots and pans, which shows that he doesn't like doing it. You need to tell him to wash the pots and pans, and he will do it.

You know your husband well, and he really doesn't want to wash the dishes. He says, "What are you doing?"

"I know you'll think this is unfair. You've been tired and still insisted on cooking for him.

He should wash the dishes after eating. You didn't inform him that you were tired from hiking, very tired, and barely managed to cook dinner. You need to rest for a while.

He should wash the dishes after this meal. Instead, he says, "I'm fine, I'll just sit here."

"

Your husband will feel your anger in this response. He did not lash out; he just washed his own bowl and not yours.

He made it clear through his actions that he did what you asked because you were fine with it. So, wash your own bowl.

You were already angry when he didn't want to wash the dishes, and then you calmed down when you heard the sound of the water. But then you got even angrier when you saw that he only washed his own dishes and not yours. You were so angry that you just wanted to throw the dishes down and have a big fight.

You suppressed it because you didn't want to lose your temper and start a fight. You wanted to calm your anger in a more appropriate way.

You were able to stop yourself from acting on impulse, which shows you have excellent control over your emotions.

All our emotions, whether happy, sad, angry, worried, or scared, are ours to manage. Each emotion is a messenger. Embrace and accept your emotions, and experience them fully.

Your anger stems from the fact that your expectations were not met. You explicitly asked your husband to wash the dishes, yet he did not do so.

In a relationship between two people, both have their reasons. We must communicate calmly to understand the other person's reasons.

We must consider our own reasons. Let's reflect on this.

From a relationship perspective,

One possibility is that you are tired, which he does not seem to share.

Your husband knows you're tired from climbing the mountain. You've tacitly agreed that he knows. It's like playing charades where I don't say anything, but you should know.

You should have thought of it.

Men are not emotional creatures. What he sees is that you come home, have dinner, and then ask him to do the dishes.

Another possibility is that expectations are too high.

You know your husband doesn't like washing dishes. If you ask him to do it, your expectations will exceed the usual level, and he will probably refuse. He usually doesn't wash dishes, but this time he did it with a grudge, just not yours.

It's better than usual just to do it.

You can calm your anger by talking to a good friend, talking to a therapist, or coming here to ask questions and learn from other people's ideas.

A couple is a relationship between two people. If we always try to control our emotions and expect others to change, it is certainly difficult to control our emotions. The solution is simple: give this kind of expectation to ourselves, find the reasons ourselves, and control our emotions.

I love you, and I wish you happiness.

Dear Sir/Madam, I am Yuefan 1. After reading your description, I can discern the presence of several negative emotions, including anger, frustration, depression, a sense of being misunderstood and aggrieved, and a sense of unworthiness. This latter emotion may be the result of a perceived lack of recognition of your needs. I hope that you will find some solace in the knowledge that these emotions are not uncommon, and that there are ways to cope with them. Best regards, Yuefan 1

Best wishes to the original poster. Even in the absence of a compelling reason to embark on an outdoor excursion, it is important to recognize the need for rest, assistance, encouragement, and personal space to nourish one's well-being when fatigue sets in.

It is important to note the existence of a state in the "triangle game" of relationships, which can be defined as follows: when one party inadvertently puts themselves in the position of the victim, the other party is easily forced to take the position of the perpetrator. The victim will long for a rescuer, but the position of the rescuer is equivalent to denying the perpetrator.

The "triangle game" is a highly probable catalyst for conflict and is not conducive to effective problem-solving strategies. Once an individual becomes enmeshed in the dynamics of the game, it becomes challenging for them to assume the role of a problem-solving agent.

However, problems can only be solved effectively when both parties in a relationship assume the role of problem solvers.

In the matter of washing the dishes, we have already experienced the anger associated with our emotions. In order to avoid provoking conflict, we are attempting to suppress our anger. Regardless of whether it is the bowl or the pot, we should simply leave it for now. It would be beneficial to go out and get some fresh air. Initially, it is important to recognize our own needs (recognition is healing), affirm our needs, accept our needs, and soothe ourselves. Only then will it be possible to break out of the cycle of the "triangle game," to allow ourselves to raise issues from the position of a solution provider, and to be able to find a husband to solve problems together.

Ultimately, it is my sincere hope that the original poster will experience peace of mind and a positive emotional state on a daily basis going forward.

I extend my affection to the world and to you.