How can one reduce this projection of needing others' attitudes to validate oneself?

Greetings! I extend a warm embrace from a distance.

I am gratified to observe that you have sought assistance, and it is my hope that the information I have provided will prove beneficial and helpful to you.

From your description, it is evident that you have a deep-seated inferiority complex, lack of self-confidence, and a lack of acceptance of yourself. This is largely due to the way you were treated when you were growing up. As a child, you were unable to express your true feelings when hurt in a courageous and sincere manner. Additionally, you unintentionally agreed with and internalized the way others treated you, largely because you felt that you were not good enough. This caused you to always desperately crave external recognition, acceptance, and affirmation from others.

It is important to understand that the negativity, criticism, and attacks from significant others are not a reflection of your own inadequacy or wrongdoing. Rather, they are a means of releasing and expressing their own inner feelings of inadequacy.

One may attempt to keep an emotional diary, wherein they record painful emotional feelings in words. This practice may assist in better managing one's emotions, becoming more aware of them, experiencing and feeling them, exploring the needs hidden behind them, and thus seeking more effective ways and methods to respond to and meet one's needs. Additionally, it may help in better sorting out one's emotional feelings and cultivating self-awareness and self-care of emotions.

Once an individual has learned to tolerate and comprehend the underlying needs associated with their emotional state, they may begin to seek self-satisfaction and response through their own actions. One such example is the practice of treating oneself in a manner that aligns with one's own standards of conduct.

One may attempt to enhance self-acceptance by compiling a list of one's strengths, thereby facilitating recognition of both one's shortcomings and one's strengths. Additionally, developing a greater number of interests and passions in one's life may facilitate a sense of control over one's circumstances.

A sense of confidence and self-worth can be cultivated through the practice of maintaining a gratitude journal.

When an individual is able to fully accept themselves from an internal perspective, they will not be overly sensitive or concerned about how others treat them. This is because they possess a strong sense of self-assurance and self-acceptance.

I extend my love to the world and to myself.

Hello there! I totally get where you're coming from.

I can see that you have a lot of negative thoughts about yourself. You think you're disliked, abandoned, helpless, unwanted, and don't have any close friends. I'm here to tell you that these thoughts are not true! There are three main reasons why you might be denying yourself.

The first is a lack of self-confidence, where a person undermines themselves. Such a person always sees their own shortcomings and likes to do things to please others. The second is negative narcissism. They are afraid to accept positive comments and praise from others because they don't think they are that good. When they are praised, they feel uncomfortable and even a little ashamed.

The third thing to remember is to treat yourself the way you treat others.

Secondly, from what you've told me, it seems like the third scenario is more like what's going on for you. The experiences you had growing up have made you develop the habit of negating yourself. And people who constantly negate themselves find it difficult to truly identify with others.

So, in your relationships with other people, you'll find that you don't have any close friends or best friends. It's as if you're living in the eyes of others.

Finally, since you're used to being negative about yourself, change starts with a new understanding of yourself. You can try to think of a random person your age. Once you have thought of someone, don't change it. Get a piece of A4-sized paper and write down their name.

Take a moment to think about it, then give yourself and the other person a score. Once you've done that, just write your name on the back of an A4 sheet.

Now, it's time to write down all the things you think are important. These could be things like education, height, appearance, skin color, hair, conversation, income, personality, and so on. It doesn't matter how many items you list, just make sure to give each item a score. Once you've done that, add up all the points and rate yourself and the other person. The final result will show you that your impression of yourself is wrong.

I really hope that this little experiment helps you to look at the world with an open mind!

I really hope this helps! Best of luck to you!

Hug the poster because "when they were young, their parents were more strict and often criticized and blamed them," which caused them to grow up feeling "like a failure," with "no close friends or girlfriends" and "afraid to engage in deep exchanges with others." You need to "make yourself strong inside and gain strength" and "be able to affirm yourself without relying on other people's attitudes."

These are things that everyone needs to work on after they grow up.

A happy childhood heals for life. An unhappy childhood takes a lifetime to heal.

You must reconcile with yourself and meet the strong self within.

First, reconcile with your parents, understand them, and accept them.

I am certain that no parents in the world do not love their children. So, why has "family" become the original sin that hurts people?

They hide love in their hearts but don't know how to express it.

This is related to our entire cultural history, and parents were also criticized in this way by their parents when they were young.

We have many old sayings that are simply not true. For example, "a good son comes from a beating," "if you don't beat a child, it won't behave," and "if you praise a child, its tail will wag in the sky."

Parents who criticize and scold strictly are following the example of their own parents' upbringing.

I know why it worked for me before, but my child is struggling with it now.

The explosion of information has led to the emergence of new avenues for accessing resources.

The world is becoming more and more diverse, and this kind of platform allows more people to express their innermost feelings.

Children used to suffer too. When they realized that everyone was like that, they stopped feeling it. Or they wanted to express themselves but had nowhere to do so.

Our parents love us, but they don't know how to parent.

They will also inherit everything from their parents, and they are not easy.

When we understand and accept our parents' state, we will also let go of these entanglements and truly turn our attention to ourselves.

We must learn how to talk to ourselves and gain more learning resources that can help us understand human nature.

Know your needs. Ask yourself: What do I need?

I need to be loved, cared for, noticed, and respected. I will give these things in return.

You must constantly learn, learn some psychology, and read some related books. You should read Adler's "Inferiority and Transcendence."

Read Mark Vonnegut's This Is Not Your Fault and Susan Forward's Intoxicated Parents.

These books are not works from after 2000. You will discover that human nature has not changed over the years.

We endure the same suffering as people in the past.

Expand your knowledge and horizons, and you will become more at ease about many things.

You will also find what you need from books. Gradually let go of some of the rules in your heart and be willing to accept your own shortcomings.

When we truly surrender and accept our imperfections, a strength will arise from the bottom of your heart.

We don't need to be perfect. We just need to be true to ourselves.

Keep practicing, interact with people, find role models you want to learn from, and spend time with them.

If you want to learn faster, find people around you that you admire and learn from them. Talk to them more.

You can't change another person, but you can influence them.

Be humble and learn from those you think are good. Ask them how they do it and how they would handle certain situations.

Open your heart and listen to more diverse voices. Don't be in a hurry to judge; be curious to understand.

People like people who ask for advice. When you communicate constantly and put things into practice, you will find a comfortable way to get along with others.

Finally, give time some time.

The best time to plant a tree was ten years ago. The next best time is now.

You can gain an understanding of life at any age, but don't expect things to change overnight.

Understanding yourself is a lifelong task. Record your feelings and experiences more often and write some diary entries.

Similarly, you should record some reading notes and sentences that make you realize when reading.

When communicating with others, you will undoubtedly find some golden and inspiring sentences that you can record.

When we study, we learn knowledge that we can use to survive in the future.

We must learn some invisible soft skills throughout our lives to live better lives.

When you find your true self, make time for yourself every day. Show yourself the love and support you deserve.

Your heart is full of compassion and kindness, and you are willing to help others more.

You can live your true self without depending on the opinions of others by constantly exploring the meaning of your life.

The organization sent you to this world for a reason. You have a mission to fulfill, and that is your life's meaning.

Recall your interests from when you were about 14 years old. Think about the things you did better than others without much effort.

Develop your talents and abilities in this area and you will find your strengths. Use your strengths.

You will receive a lot of positive feedback, and this will motivate you to continue improving yourself and living in your own state of flow.

Believe in yourself. Rely on your own internal drive to find that even better version of yourself. Go for it!