How can parents be made aware of boundaries when they have different views and this causes arguments?

1. You may be disappointed or angry, but you need to accept that "making parents aware of boundaries" won't work.

You have to give up to develop new actions.

2. What do you want when you ask this question? A: I hope they change and I'll be better off.

B: I hope "parents without boundaries" won't have a negative impact on me. You've probably realized something by now.

Option A is hard because the decision is not yours.

Option B seems easier to implement.

3. If you want option A, you don't have to force yourself. I won't be disappointed or discriminate against you. Many people have been or are at A. You may stop here if you don't find these words effective.

4. If you agree more with option B, let's explore a little change. I think there are many ways to do this. Method 1 might be to "steal techniques."

Is there anyone around you in a similar situation who is not too affected by their mood? Maybe you will find that they have ways of "doing one thing but saying another" and "listening with one ear and ignoring with the other." Then quietly observe how they do it. Method 2: If you cannot change it for the time being, then set aside a little time for yourself, for example, 2 hours a week to "worry about it."

During these two hours, focus on worrying about "how to let our parents know that we are separate individuals." Give yourself a ritual, like "one, two, three, start worrying~."

If you need more time, you can add another 2 hours. I trust you with method 345.

While parents and children are indeed independent individuals, they are also closely related and integrated in terms of ethics, emotions, and a long life together. You assert that each other is a separate individual, but this is not entirely accurate. At the very least, you still refer to your parents as "mom" and "dad," and you still interact with each other. Therefore, independent individuals refer more to the mental and spiritual level than to the specific reality. Is it realistic to expect children to simply leave and never contact each other again?

It is important to recognize that the concept of "independent individuals" is merely a construct of one's own ideas and concepts, rather than a reflection of the reality of the situation. Using these ideas and emotions to dictate to others can be perceived as crossing boundaries and even as a form of kidnapping. Fundamentally, there is no significant difference between individuals, except in the extent to which they want others to listen to them.

Your request is, in fact, your parents' concept of what you should agree to and become. Can you envision how you might alter your perspective and become more like your parents? Or who could do so?

It is therefore not difficult to understand that it is just as challenging for parents, just as persistent, and perhaps even more so, given the more deeply rooted nature of the issue. Based on experience, it is a difficult situation.

Rather than focusing on ways to educate and influence, it would be more productive to consider how to navigate these conflicting pressures. Is there a more flexible and compromising approach beyond outright rejection?

The actual conflict lies in the conclusions and demands that each of you has ultimately simplified. However, there is still a significant amount of common ground. For instance, marriage is not an arranged marriage, and you still have the right to choose. Additionally, marriage is a relationship of care and support, but you have only discussed one aspect of it. This does not negate the other direction.

This is not a contradiction. It would be beneficial for us to take care of each other.

It is acknowledged that necessities differ from person to person. However, if this is not an item that is off-limits, it would seem beneficial to consider trying it.

You cite your parents' marital discord as a reason for resisting, but you are not your parents. As individuals, you are separate entities. Your actions are contradictory.

Furthermore, have you considered the concept of "fighting at the end of the bed, reconciling at the beginning of the bed"? At the very least, engaging in a dispute with your parents at this juncture is akin to entering into a marriage with the intention of engaging in further discussions with a different partner. This approach may prove to be more constructive and beneficial than a direct confrontation.

Regarding the question of whether it is due to a lack of emotional connection with men, insufficient contact with men, or a combination of the two, it is essential to identify the underlying cause.

It is indeed a possibility.

Therefore, if you are not a lesbian, your reasons may be more one-sided and subjective, and they may change at any time. They are the views of a certain vague emotion, rather than your own clear and definite conclusions that you firmly believe in. You can be more objective and comprehensive, and examine the logic of your own thinking more rigorously. It is important to ensure that your thoughts and emotions do not influence your decisions. Getting married can be a good way to escape the pressure and arguments of your parents. You might as well give it a try. Ultimately, the decision of whether or not to get married is yours. What are you afraid of?

I wish you the best in your future endeavors.

Hello! It's totally normal for parents to use their ideas to challenge your sense of independence. It's also normal for them to have expectations about what you care about. You might feel like you're becoming a vehicle for their emotional catharsis. It's understandable if you want them to understand that you're an independent, respectable adult. You might want them to stop using their ideas and emotions to control you.

From what you've shared, it's clear that you have a knack for expressing the facts, analyzing the reasons, and clarifying your views. This shows your talent or accomplishment in psychology. I also believe you understand that we can't change others, only ourselves. When we change, the world around us changes.

So, what can we do to help parents see that their views might need a little tweaking? Before we get to that, let's take a look at the family dynamic between parents and you.

While they're having their little disagreements, they're actually teaching you something. You have your own strong opinions, too! So when they're having a disagreement, they're on opposite sides. But when they're teaching you something, they're united!

Maybe the two of them will become closer through your arguments and representations. That would be great! It would also help promote family harmony.

In other words, if they could be harmonious with each other, perhaps they wouldn't have to rely on you as a mediator.

Some couples just love to argue! It's a way for them to connect and feel secure in their relationship. When children see this and respect their parents' choices, it shows them that their parents' relationship is healthy and loving. It also teaches children to respect their own views and those of others.

You believe wholeheartedly that it's right to stick to your own views and be true to yourself. Of course you will firmly defend your right and refuse to accept your parents' inherent views!

Parents have their own views and opinions, and they often try to share them with us. They may do this in various ways, and sometimes they're a bit stubborn about it!

It's so interesting how everyone is insisting on their own right! It's like this story will go on forever.

"In relationships, the most powerful person changes first." We know our parents worry that we don't understand and that we'll go the wrong way, so they keep on telling us again and again. If we accept our parents' views and respect their beliefs, it's the same as understanding that they're right, that we won't go the wrong way, and that they won't have to keep on teaching us this knowledge you already know.

When parents teach you everything, they've done all they can. When parents see that your point of view is rational, maybe change will happen.

I'm just trying to offer a little bit of helpful advice, hoping it will be well-received.

In the psychology of one, the world and I love you so much! ???

Hello, my dear friend! I'll give you a big, warm hug!

This short question describes the needs of many children and offers a way to let their parents know about boundaries.

But this problem is basically unsolvable. To put it simply, parents don't think they are being borderline right now, and they don't think they are violating their own boundaries. On the contrary, they think, "I'm doing this for your own good. If you don't listen to your elders, you'll suffer in the future," or "You'll regret it someday."

It can feel pretty hopeless when parents don't see that they've crossed a boundary. It's hard to know how to respect each other's boundaries when they don't even realize they've been violated.

We can take care of ourselves by protecting our own boundaries and knowing where they are. It's okay to firmly reject or ignore things and people that violate our boundaries.

This is especially true for parents. In most cases, the best thing to do is ignore them.

At the same time, you need to have enough mental energy to deal with your parents' accusations of disobedience and filial piety. It's okay to say no! Many people are afraid of the consequences after saying no, but it's really not that difficult.

For example, we all know that it's perfectly normal to have an argument with our parents. It's something that many people are capable of doing. But the other things that need to be dealt with after an argument can be really challenging.

If you have a fight with your parents, they may accuse you of being unfilial. This label of being unfilial is enough to make 99% of Chinese children just slap themselves on the ground. Even in the past, with this label of being unfilial, they were basically dead in all aspects of society.

Thankfully, things are a little better now. People don't have to die in all aspects of society, but many still struggle to get past their own mindsets. I can't believe I argued with my parents! I can't believe I didn't listen to them. I judged myself so harshly, and it took a toll on me. As you said, we need their emotions, and the emotions they give us. After repeating it so many times, it can feel overwhelming.

It can be really tough to say no to your parents. It's natural to want to please them, but it's also important to remember that parents and children are separate, and parents make mistakes. What they do and say might not be wrong from their perspective, but it might not be what you want, and that's okay! You can always say no.

As for how they feel because of my rejection, that's something they need to work through on their own. It's not my responsibility to do that for them. What I can do is focus on managing my own negative emotions.

As for other people, the opinions of your relatives and friends are their business, not mine. Don't worry, what they say about me doesn't mean I'm bad. It's just their opinion, and it's got nothing to do with me.

And they just talk, and then they move on. They don't really think about how their words affect others.

We've been trying really hard to set some boundaries. It's important for you to defend your own boundaries, and it's not reasonable to expect others to respect yours. The best way for others to respect our boundaries is through a gradual process of learning about them through our words and actions.

I really think you should talk to a counselor.

I'm a counselor who's often both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I try to be motivated and positive when I can. I love the world and I love you!

Hello, friend.

If you want your parents to understand their limits, you first need to set your own limits.

It's important to set your own boundaries, which can be broken down into three main areas: material boundaries, distance boundaries, and thought boundaries.

In terms of financial boundaries, it's important to be financially independent.

You're already of dating age, so you have a job and get paid every month. Since you're already earning money, don't just accept money from your parents.

If you want something, buy it yourself. If you can't afford it, don't ask your parents for money, and don't just accept money from them.

If you want something expensive but don't have the money, either save for a few months or work part-time after work to earn more.

Just a heads-up: Don't accept money from your parents. This is the third time I've mentioned it.

Parents will worry that if their daughter accepts money from them, it means she can't manage her finances and won't be able to live independently. As a parent, I'll still be concerned about my daughter's financial future. I'm getting older, and one day I won't be able to support her. I need to find her a suitable partner as soon as possible so that I can have peace of mind. After all, this is the best thing I can do for her.

You need to be able to live independently.

If you have a little savings, you could just rent a place and move out on your own.

You can go straight to an agent to look at a house, sign a contract after you've found a place you like, pay the deposit, and make arrangements with the landlord. You don't have to wait for your parents to agree.

Once you've got the keys to your rental apartment, you can let your parents know you're moving out.

You don't have to tell them, but you are responsible for informing them.

It's normal for your parents to get emotional, throw tantrums, cry, and wail. The best thing you can do is stay silent and not react to their emotions.

If you respond to their emotions, you'll lose.

You need to show your parents that even if you live on your own, you can take care of yourself just fine.

In terms of mental boundaries, it's important to be independent in your thinking.

I'm not too worried about this. As you said in your problem description, your parents' marriage was marked by fighting, which is why you have a negative view of marriage. Coupled with a lack of feelings for men, this has increased your desire not to get married. You have tied me to their emotions and expectations, making me the carrier of their emotions. I can reject their emotions once or twice.

"But if it keeps happening, I'm going to reach my limit."

You can just tell them directly that you have your own mind and you need to be responsible for your actions. If you know what you're thinking, but you're forced to do something by your parents' pressure, moral kidnapping, or emotional blackmail, and you're afraid to stand up for yourself, then it means that you don't have enough inner stability and your mind isn't yet completely independent.

If you have something to say, speak up. If you don't, your parents will always think you're a child who can be easily influenced.

Breaking free from the cult of parents and authority is an important step towards complete independence of thought. You need to overcome the fear of parental authority within you.

If you can't do it right now, don't worry. I've got a solution.

I think the solution is to start calling "parental authority" what it really is: "parental tyranny."

It's undeniable that when we were kids, our parents raised us. We naturally admired their authority and believed that whatever they said was right.

But we've grown up now, and as adults, we see the limitations in our parents' wishes. We can't blindly follow them, but my parents just want to force me to do it. If they do, that's tyranny. I'm already an adult, but they treat me like a child. The purpose is ridiculous. They want to maintain their status as parents and force me to fit into a box of "obedience" and act out a scene with them of "good family values and a filial daughter." How can this be "authority"? It's just "tyranny."

You've described in your account how your parents speak to you in a way that's full of pressure. For example, they'll say things like, "My daughter will not be like everyone else; she will stay with me," or, "Your grandmother is in the hospital; you have to be sensible and not spend a lot of money," or, "If you don't get married, what will people say about me?"

I think this is a kind of perverted form of authority.

I'm afraid we don't believe you.

As long as you break free from your parents' authority, you can achieve independence of thought.

Girl, you need to make some changes. You need to be more independent.

Material boundary: financial independence

Life independence is another key factor.

Spiritual independence is another key factor.

Once you've got these three dimensions of independence nailed down, your parents won't be able to interfere as easily in your marriage.

Have a good time.

From what you've told me, I can see that you're a logical thinker and have a good grasp on your own thoughts, goals, and family life.

When it comes to communicating with our parents, we've actually nailed the crux of the problem. It's not just about "urging them to get married." It's about the strong tendency to transfer your own ideas and expectations onto them.

It's good to be able to identify the root cause of the problem, rather than just solving the surface issues, which only treat the symptoms and not the root cause.

To solve the problem, we need to address both the surface and the core.

We can communicate the solution point by point.

For instance, they want you to get married so they can have someone to take care of you.

Our perspective might feel like this answer is not completely accurate, so we can reject their ideas and tell them what we think. For example, at least in this era, it is still mostly women who take care of the family. So the demands expressed by parents will not be easily met. "I can be taken care of after I get married." Instead, it becomes "I will need to take care of my husband, children, and in-laws after I get married." Thus, I cannot be convinced with this reason.

And so on, responding to the parents' reasons one by one and giving them answers to their questions. This way, they'll see that our ideas aren't just whimsical, impractical, or impulsive. They're the result of careful consideration, a combination of objective times, our own character, and life goals.

The main issue is the parental direction.

We can keep reminding our parents when it's appropriate that we're adults now, we work, and we're responsible members of society. We're not kids anymore, so we don't need them to make decisions for us.

This process will take some time and involve a lot of back-and-forth on ideas and perceptions.

The idea of exchange is that while we're sharing our thoughts, we also need to listen and understand what others are saying.

Young people may want to stand out and be themselves, while people of the previous generation may have wanted to fit in and not draw attention to themselves.

So we think that not getting married is no big deal, and that other people's gossip is other people's business, and that being happy is what really matters. Parents, on the other hand, think that people's opinions are terrifying, and that they can't stand the pointing and laughing of the people around them.

We don't have to compromise, but we can pay attention to our parents' emotional state, communicate with them when they need us, help them sort out their thoughts, and even offer suggestions to help them handle their relationships. This step corresponds to the previous step: "Let them realize that we have grown up and become independent individuals."

The questioner has asked a great question. I believe many people have encountered this problem, including me, but we can work through it.

Many parents treat their children's marriage as a task they have to complete. They're very concerned about it and won't be able to rest until their children are married. They're more anxious than their children, asking people to introduce them to marriage prospects and even fortune-telling for their children, etc., in the hope that their children can get married as soon as possible and complete the task early.

Of course, apart from the idea of getting a task done, parents also hope to see their children get married and have children soon. This way, they can help their children bring up their children and fulfill their potential, and so that they don't have to worry about not being able to do anything.

Kids have their own ideas about love and lifestyle, and there'll always be a gap between what parents expect and what naturally leads to different views. But this doesn't affect the relationship between parents and children. Kids may not understand or agree with their parents' ideas, but they need to accept that their parents have these ideas.

Some people might say that if you accept your parents' way of thinking, you're just doing what they want. But that's not true. Accepting your parents' way of thinking just lets them think and act as they wish. It doesn't mean you have to do what they want. You can also do what you want at the same time. The two ideas are different but not contradictory.

For instance, "I know you want me to get married early for my own good and so that I can have a better life. But I have my own ideas and want to do things my way, because I think that'll make me happier."

This lets parents know their kids understand and accept their intentions, while the kids express their own ideas and thoughts. It also lets them move on from being held hostage to their parents' ideas without having to start any conflicts or arguments, and without affecting their relationship with their parents. It's a win-win situation. The above are just my personal views and are for the questioner's reference only.