How can women's attitudes towards sex be adjusted if they want to but feel it is wrong?

My child, let me hug you. Chinese people are reserved, and sex is taboo.

The ancients said, "Food and sex are natural." There is nothing wrong with sex. Without it, there would be no human reproduction. So there is nothing wrong with you facing your true desires.

Just because you have sexual desires doesn't make you a scumbag. Having promiscuous sex is what makes you a scumbag.

Your family is very traditional. It seems like women don't need sex as much. This is unfair. Women also need and enjoy sex just as much as men. You probably didn't get enough sex education as a child.

Here are some tips.

1. Face your sexual desires without worries.

Love yourself.

2. Choose the right person. Know someone before having a relationship with them.

Casual sex has consequences. Read about the spread of sexually transmitted diseases.

Love yourself and protect yourself. You said the person is involved in a certain circle, but you don't know much about it. Be careful because there might be chaotic relationships.

3. Love and sex are one. Have a bottom line and be rational. Don't let desire control you.

4. People must control their desires, not let them control them.

5. You're worried about your weight. There are ways to help. You can ask a nutritionist or coach for help.

6. I feel your loneliness, helplessness, and uncertainty when I listen to your inner narrative.

I suggest you see a professional counselor.

Hello, question asker!

I have read your question and I understand your confusion.

You haven't graduated from university yet, have you? As a young girl in your prime, as a normal woman, it is only natural to have sexual desires and needs. Don't beat yourself up too much. It is really not a bad thing to have desires. It would be abnormal if you didn't want to do anything about it at all.

It's normal to have desires, but we should be more rational. We can't do whatever we want to satisfy our desires. I don't understand what you mean by "your dish." You said that he is part of a certain circle, which means that he is a school gangster. I feel that you are not talking about him. Apart from his appearance, it seems that there are some questionable things about his character.

If that's the case, I think we should act now to avoid a future problem. You said you grew up in a traditional family, so we can't let our own desires lead us into the abyss just to solve our own problems.

You can't quench your thirst with poison. You're looking for true love, but you're confused. Find a professional counselor. You'll get out of this predicament quickly and reduce your suffering.

You will find true love if you are determined to do so. You have already identified the problems you need to solve, from your time in elementary school to your parents and junior high school. You have written a detailed account of these problems, and you have the ability to reflect, observe, and solve them.

Read more books on psychology, such as "Intimacy," "A Thought Away," and "Self-Control." Absorb the useful parts of them and let these theories guide your actions. Come to this platform and take the initiative to ask questions. You will go further and further on this path.

You know the principle in psychology: whoever is suffering seeks help, and whoever is suffering changes. In Buddhism, there is a saying: when you are confused, the teacher guides you; when you are enlightened, you guide yourself.

You have a deep understanding of yourself. Use this to liberate yourself!

You can do this. I believe in you, and as long as you persevere, you will be able to solve the puzzles that appeared when you were a child, and you will be able to solve the problem of finding true love now. In the future, there will definitely be a two-way love waiting for you!

You will enjoy the beauty of love soon. The world and I love you!

Dear questioner,

It sounds like you've had some challenges in your intimate relationships. When you were in junior high school, you were self-conscious about your figure and appearance, which made it hard for you to sleep well. At the time, you must have been quite anxious and distressed.

Now you're all grown up and you're having trouble with your sexual desires. On the one hand, you're interested and want it, but on the other hand, you feel that it's wrong, which makes you feel very conflicted and confused.

In fact, sexual desire is as basic a physiological need as appetite, and everyone has it! It's just that most people avoid the subject because it's a bit embarrassing to talk about. But there's no need to be embarrassed! Avoiding it doesn't mean it's not there; it's just suppressed.

So, let me ask you this: why do people suppress themselves?

In psychology, there's this amazing psychologist called Sigmund Freud who came up with a brilliant theory: a person's consciousness can be divided into three parts!

The first part is called the "id." The id represents a person's desires, such as the appetite, the libido, etc. It represents the principle of pleasure, doing whatever it takes to be happy! Because it is more similar to an infant or young child (just being happy is good enough, and it doesn't understand moral constraints), I call it the child model.

Now, let's dive into the second part, the superego! This is where we'll explore the moral code within a person. This is usually imparted by parents or society.

From childhood to adulthood, parents will teach you to be obedient, well-behaved, sensible, and know how to follow the rules. These voices are slowly internalized into your heart and form a superego that constantly reminds you to behave. And because these voices are usually given by parents, I call it the parental model!

And then there's the ego! This is the part that steps in when the id and superego have a disagreement. It's like a referee, making sure that both sides get a fair hearing and then making a decision based on what's real.

Right now, your id and superego are having a lively debate within you. The id is saying, "Sex makes me feel good, I need it."

The superego says, "Since childhood, my parents have taught me to be a conservative girl, and that talking about sex is shameful. Since the id and superego are fighting quite fiercely, your ego doesn't know what to do. Sometimes it chooses to help the id (actively pursue the handsome guy and have sex with him), and sometimes it chooses to help the superego (feel remorse afterwards, think that this is wrong and will be seen as a bad girl)." This is an exciting time of growth and discovery!

I'm so excited to figure out how to navigate all these contradictions!

The answer is simple: move out of the inner child, think things through with self-awareness, and replace the parent-child function with an adult function. The adult is a more stable mediator with three main functions—and it's a great solution!

First, they examine whether the demands made by their parents are reasonable. In the face of their parents' demands, adults reassess them in the light of their own reality.

If the request is reasonable, then the adult will wholeheartedly accept it and use it to guide their actions. But if the request is not reasonable, then the adult will thoughtfully consider it and make the best decision for themselves.

For example, if your family is very traditional and seems to think that women don't need sex, then it's likely that your parents have taught you this since you were little. This voice is obviously unreasonable, because women are also real people with biological needs. Second, examine whether children's emotions are reasonable.

Adults are amazing! They can detect and adjust to irrational emotions in children in a timely manner. For example, if you desire to have a relationship with a handsome senior even though you are not officially dating.

This emotion is not very reasonable, but there's a solution! Third, adults will actively envision what kind of person they want to become.

You can choose to become someone that you and others like, and work hard towards that goal. It is important to note that it may take a little time to become such a person, but it'll be worth it! Be patient with yourself, and when you're tired, you can take a little break along the way. Never give up and always keep moving towards your goal!

I really hope my answer helps! Have a wonderful life!

Good day, host.

From the description of the host, it is evident that the host is straightforward and true-natured.

My family adheres to traditional values, and it appears that the female demographic is not particularly inclined towards sexual activity.

However, I am inclined to pursue this avenue, yet I am uncertain as to the ethical implications.

The basic human needs of eating, sleeping, sex, and defecation are to be respected.

It is reasonable to conclude that everyone has the right to pursue their own needs within reason.

This includes sexual needs.

The host has a high demand in this area, which is not in itself problematic.

The host is under no obligation to question the legitimacy of his thoughts.

Similarly, there is no inherent problem with the preference for high-end food and spending within one's means, as long as it is done responsibly.

I am unsure how to regulate my sexual desires.

It is possible that my expectations of my boyfriend are too high, which may prevent other men from meeting them.

Furthermore, in order to reach the level of compatibility that I find appealing, I am required to take the initiative.

However, a person with a high level of physical attractiveness, personal hygiene, and self-control may often have extremely high expectations, and I am not particularly outgoing.

I am currently attempting to adjust my expectations, but I remain concerned about my physical appearance.

It should be noted that sexual needs vary from person to person.

In a relationship between two individuals, there will inevitably be differences in physical condition and personality.

It is inevitable that there will be some differences.

As the host stated, the host is responsible for initiating the desired action.

It is also the case that the host may be unable to satisfy certain expectations of the other party.

It is unavoidable that discrepancies will arise.

As is the case when one finds a suitable partner, issues will inevitably arise. When problems do occur,

If the situation is within your acceptable range, then accept the other person's differences from yours. Accept them without being critical.

If the situation is beyond your ability to bear, it is advisable to make the decision to let go in advance.

If you have made the decision to let go, do not regret it.

If you are able to accept the situation, then do so. Once you have accepted the situation, avoid making constant criticisms.

As a result of your decision, a corresponding outcome will ensue.

I am writing to express my warm regards to you, the world, and to extend my love to you all.

Hello, I'm Xiaolu.

Sex is a basic human need, like eating and sleeping. It's the same for men and women. Sex is also pleasurable for both.

It's natural for women to pursue sex.

Why do I feel wrong?

Your family's sex education made you think women are shy and can't ask for sex. It's wrong to ask for it. This is how society treated women in the past. You don't need to feel bad about wanting sex!

Sex should be approached scientifically. This means enjoying sex without regarding it as the whole of gender interaction.

Sex is not a substitute for love. You don't need to use sex to replace all of love. According to Sternberg's love triangle theory, there is also commitment and trust.

You are great for facing your sexual needs and asking for them. A girl who loves and hates is worthy of love. You don't need to be humble or compromise.

Thanks for reading. If you found it helpful, please click "useful."

Follow Huang Xiaolu's WeChat public account for more.

Hello, I'm Little Flying Fish, your friendly counselor here to answer your question and help you in any way I can.

?‍♂️Face control: In college, I liked an older guy and flirted with him for two or three years, but it ended without a result. I had sex with a guy who was my type.

?‍♂️ Face control means you're someone who loves beauty. We all have a heart for beauty, but we all see beauty in different ways.

Everyone's aesthetic level is different, and that's totally okay! I'm curious, what is your definition of beauty?

During college, I liked a handsome senior, and we had this kind of ambiguous relationship for two or three years. So, I'm just wondering, why didn't you confess your feelings?

I'm just wondering if maybe you lacked confidence in yourself? I think you should have tried to pursue the person you liked during this period.

I'm just wondering, why didn't you take action or confess your feelings? It seems like you were letting the relationship between you two go on.

I'm just wondering, what were you thinking at the time?

I'm really curious to know if you ever felt like you weren't good enough for him?

?‍♂️Later on, you found yourself in a relationship with someone who looked and was built the way you like. And this person was also your senior.

Oh, he belongs to a certain circle, doesn't he? I'm sure you never wanted to marry him from the start!

Or have you never thought about falling in love? I'm just wondering, are they the same person?

In your expression, they are not the same person, are they?

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It's totally normal to have body and appearance anxiety, especially since middle school. I've been there, too! We all have our own unique charms. Have you discovered any beautiful aspects of yourself lately? It's so important to love yourself, including admiring your appearance and figure. Why be so critical of yourself? You're so much

Body anxiety. I've been on the lookout for my true love since college.

I'm really interested in sex, but I've never found the person I want to spend my life with. I guess I've lowered my expectations for a partner.

I've been dealing with body and appearance anxiety since middle school. What are you not feeling so good about on the outside? We all have our own special something, don't we?

Have you discovered any beautiful aspects of yourself? It's so important to love yourself, and that includes admiring your appearance and figure. It can be so easy to be too critical of ourselves, so let's try to be kind to ourselves instead!

I'd love to know where you think your aesthetic level is!

When did you first get interested in sex? Was it after you had your first taste of forbidden fruit?

It seems like your first impression was a great one! Do you feel like you have a good understanding of sex?

I'd love to know more about your views on sex. Do you have a regular sex partner?

I'm so happy to hear that you have a good understanding of sex! Do you feel that your sex life is clean enough? Do you take any protective measures to protect yourself during sex?

You feel that you have high requirements when it comes to finding true love. I'd love to know more about what you mean by that!

What else is important to you in a partner?

I'm curious, do you judge the guys who pursue you based on their appearance? And do you feel that you are introverted and don't want to take the initiative?

I'd love to know your thoughts on this: do you feel that your own happiness is in your own hands, or in the hands of your suitor?

It's totally understandable to feel like you've lowered your standards when it comes to finding a partner. I'd love to know how much you've relaxed your requirements.

I'd love to know if you've lowered your expectations of your partner's appearance, or if there's something else going on. And how is your current life?

And what about your financial situation? I'm sure you've thought about this, but do you consider your partner's financial situation when looking for a partner?

I just wanted to check if you've thought about his family situation? Do you have any idea what kind of family structure he's used to?

It seems like you're looking for a partner to marry, have kids with, and start a family. Is that right?

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this!

I totally get it. I don't want to suppress my sexual desires either. My family is very traditional, and it seems that women don't need sex very much. But I want it, and I feel that this is wrong? Scum?

?‍♂️I agree with you wholeheartedly! If you don't want to suppress your sexual desires, "sex" is a biological need that really doesn't need to be suppressed. You've got a great point of view. I'm curious, though: why were there more children born during wartime? I think it's because of the imbalance of mental stress. People needed to use biological needs to compensate for the mental stress.

So in these times, people see biological needs as pleasures, without restraint, and even deliberately let desires expand, leading to a dramatic increase in population. After the war, people had to be asked to suppress sexual desires and reduce fertility. This is the result of history, and it's something we can all learn from.

?‍♂️ Family traditions are a bit outdated, don't you think? As a woman of the new era, you feel that your behavior is wrong and that you are a scumbag. How do you define it? As long as you don't have promiscuity, you are not a scumbag. Having a fixed sexual partner and being in different periods of time is very good. I don't know if the unspoken rules of a certain circle have influenced your thinking, or if the current sex education propaganda has caused you to misunderstand. This is my standard for judging scumbags, and I hope it can help you sort out your inner thoughts.

?‍♂️ In fact, there are many folks in society nowadays who could use a little more kindness. You can only feel that someone else is a bad person if you're not a bad person yourself. What do you think? In fact, there are so many people in the world, and which one of them doesn't have shortcomings?

It all depends on whether you have the breadth of mind to tolerate others. Is the other person scum? That's a tough one!

It all depends on whether the other person is willing to change for you. If they are, you can influence them with your character.

If you find the right partner who can satisfy you sexually,

I'd love to know your thoughts on this. Do you think your sex life will be chaotic?

One Psychology World and I Love You.

Many people are confused too. Our times are changing.

It's often just a phase. The world isn't that open-minded.

Even though it's 2022, many traditional or extremely conservative forces still block us from becoming who we really want to be.

You realize you used to like someone, had an ambiguous relationship with an older guy, and had a relationship with a guy. In the former case, the relationship may lose momentum, while in the latter, you'll feel you shouldn't be in these situations again.

Your family doesn't allow sex. But sex is a common daily need.

Sex isn't just for procreation. When you have sex with your boyfriend or other people you know, you must pay attention to safety and protect your health.

You want to achieve your own needs, but feel it is wrong. Some attitudes about women's sex lives are still very conservative. Just some outside opinions cannot show that some attitudes are true.

Everyone thinks from their own perspective. Everyone wants to maximize their own interests.

Other people have this point of view, which may not be correct. You can like the handsome senior or the boy who looks and is in shape.

You have your own thoughts and feelings. There is no need to worry about things you can't control. You can still be yourself, but you must take care of yourself. Will it harm you?

Think about these things.

Take responsibility for yourself. See a therapist if you need to.

If you're very confused, try meditation to calm down. Becoming the person you want to be makes you happier. Good luck!

ZQ?

To solve this problem, the questioner must understand sex.

Confucius said, "Food, sex, and nature are the same." This means eating and sexual desire are part of human nature.

"Sex" is used here to mean human nature without any moral judgment.

The questioner has a strong and obsessive need for sex. He knows he needs to do it, but doesn't understand why. This makes him uneasy.

From a psychological perspective, the questioner's need can be understood as a way to satisfy self-needs. The questioner is now an adult with physical, psychological, and emotional needs. These needs can be satisfied through sexual behavior with the opposite sex.

The subconscious self has needs that the conscious self cannot understand. These needs are usually related to past experiences of being ignored and rejected. If someone was ignored and rejected by their family, they will instinctively want to find a way to satisfy their needs.

Once you reach a certain age, expressing this desire may lead to rejection and hurt. So, you suppress it to protect yourself.

The questioner can understand their inner world better by learning why they want sex, what they want to express, and what they value.

When you think about sex, you can understand which relationships you need to believe in. If you don't understand, you can ask a counselor.

Good day,

Host:

After reading the post carefully, I sense that you may be experiencing some contradictions and conflicts. It is also evident that you have taken the courageous step of facing your inner self and seeking help on this platform, which will undoubtedly prove beneficial in helping you gain a deeper understanding of yourself and your sexuality.

Perhaps some adjustments to your perceptions could be beneficial.

I would like to share some observations and thoughts on the post that I hope will be helpful in providing the poster with a more diverse perspective.

1. Sex education

From what I can gather from the post, the author seems to be saying that they don't want to repress their sexual desires. Given that their family is very traditional and that it seems that the female group doesn't need sex very much, it's understandable that they might feel this way.

In light of this question, I believe that exploring it together could be beneficial for the poster.

First of all, the host mentioned that you have sexual needs, which is a perfectly normal aspect of healthy sex education.

It might be helpful to view sex as a physiological need, just like any other. And it's possible that through sex, we can also gain a lot of happiness, intimacy, and emotional connection.

As adults, it is important to be honest and open about our needs.

And at the same time, as you mentioned in your post, you want to, but you feel it's wrong? Is it something you'd like to explore further?

I would like to respectfully inquire of the original poster here where they believe the voice in question originates. Is it a product of our own internal beliefs and experiences, or is it shaped by the external education we have received?

As the landlord mentioned, your family is very traditional. It seems that the female group does not need sex.

In such an environment, it is worth considering what kind of understanding and views on sex might develop.

Because our family never discussed sex, there may not have been any talk of it. Even if there was, we may not have been permitted to participate. As a result, we may have formed the impression that sex is undesirable and contrary to moral principles.

We have reached a point in our discussion where perhaps the host will have a deeper understanding and awareness of their own internal conflicts and conflicts. In light of this, how can we support ourselves in the face of such circumstances?

2. Awareness and acceptance

As we mentioned above, there are two main factors that contribute to our current situation. On the one hand, sex is a basic human need. For more information on this, you might find it helpful to read Maslow's theory of needs. On the other hand, our current circumstances are influenced by the lack of appropriate sexual education, or the absence of any education at all, that we received during our formative years. When we recognize this,

We have the opportunity to reframe our understanding of sexual needs as natural and positive, rather than as something to be ashamed of. By embracing a more holistic approach to sexual education and knowledge, we can create a healthier and more supportive environment for all.

For the time being, we can take comfort in accepting our sexual needs while also learning to recognize when we are experiencing feelings of self-blame or shame, and to take a moment to pause and reflect.

3. How to meet our needs

If it meets our needs, it can be a highly contentious topic. Some believe that one can find different partners to satisfy their desires, while others maintain that a regular partner can also be fulfilling. Some even suggest that self-satisfaction or alternative forms of gratification may be preferable.

We don't claim to have all the answers. We're simply suggesting that when we choose a particular approach,

It is also possible that we may have to face some of the negative effects that choices bring us. For example, some people seek satisfaction from different people, and at this time, some people may think that they do not care about their bodies and may hear these things.

It is also possible that you may be harassed by many people because they may interpret your behavior as being very open and promiscuous.

It might be helpful for the original poster to consider exploring methods that align with their needs. On the one hand, they can express their desires in a reasonable manner, and on the other hand, they can also take steps to safeguard their well-being. As adults, it's important to recognize that the consequences of our choices often extend beyond ourselves.

4. Learn and improve

As we mentioned above, there seems to be a lack of sex education. Perhaps you could consider taking some courses on healthy sex education to help improve this area and increase our understanding of sex.

On the other hand, you mentioned in your post some challenges you've faced in your choice of spouse. These issues could also be addressed by taking courses and reading books on intimacy.

I hope these resources will be of some help and inspiration to you. If you have any further questions, you are welcome to click to find a coach for a one-on-one chat, so that you can grow together.