How can you distinguish who is lying when you hear two versions of a story?

Dear, After careful consideration of your statements, it is evident that you are experiencing a sense of internal conflict. While both parties are your relatives, each has expressed reservations about the other. As the younger generation in the middle, I can perceive that you are facing a challenging situation.

The veracity of this assertion is inconsequential; what is of greater importance is that as a member of the family, we hope that our family members can get along harmoniously and in friendship. Am I understanding this correctly?

The fourth aunt made a statement in front of her younger sister indicating her desire to divide the proceeds from the sale of grapes between herself and her parents. While this was presented as a jest, in your presence she articulated her grievances against your mother. It is possible that the fourth aunt harbors resentment towards your mother. Due to the constraints of social norms, she is unable to express her true sentiments to her siblings, and thus turns to you, with whom she shared a residence in the past, as an outlet for her feelings.

From this perspective, it is evident that Fourth Aunt places a degree of trust in you. It is crucial to recognize that her primary objective is to express her frustrations and potentially influence her parents' decision through you.

It is inadvisable to become involved in the conflicts between the parents. If we do not handle the situation correctly, we may inadvertently impede the resolution of the issues. However, we can observe the boundaries in interpersonal relationships. The problems between your fourth aunt and your parents are their concern. Regardless of how harmonious their relationship may be, the relationship between you and your fourth aunt is solely between you and your fourth aunt.

If gratitude is extended to the fourth aunt for her care during that period, a response may be given in the form of gifts or blessings during the holidays. With regard to personal matters, avoidance may be an appropriate course of action if the subject is not known to the individual.

"My family was not affluent at the time, and my parents were compelled to bear the financial burden of my art major, which was actually more costly than the norm, so they were exceedingly parsimonious during those years."

Upon returning to the parents' side, it becomes evident that you are also cognizant of the circumstances within your family. The fourth aunt asserts that she is entitled to a portion of the proceeds from the sale of the grapes cultivated on the land owned by her father.

From a psychological perspective, it would be challenging for anyone to accept the division of the proceeds based solely on land ownership. From a practical standpoint, it is also difficult to justify such a division.

In this matter, both the psychological demands of the fourth aunt and the parents' insistence have their reasons. From the description provided, it can be seen that both the fourth aunt and the parents are responding to each other's goodwill in their own way. However, the lack of an agreement on the distribution of economic benefits involved in the ownership of the land may be causing both parties to assess the other's contributions using their own calculations.

The ancients posited that even close brothers should be transparent about their respective needs. This assertion is, at least in part, empirically supported. One potential approach to achieving a mutually beneficial equilibrium is to facilitate open communication about each other's needs, with the involvement of a third party if necessary. This approach may prove more effective than attempting to impose a singular, self-serving interpretation of the situation.

The aforementioned represents my personal insight into the situation you have described. Returning to the original poster, the most crucial element is the initial point: recognize the boundaries, safeguard your energy, and sustain the relationship within your capabilities. I am a camera-loving Snapchat user, and it is my hope that the aforementioned information is beneficial.

Hello!

Your father has many siblings, so you grew up in a big, beautiful family with lots of cousins! You stayed with your fourth aunt for a while when you were a child, and she took such good care of you. You still remember her fondly, and you have a deep affection for her.

Guess what! The old house in your family was also bought with money from your younger aunt, and the title deed is in your fourth aunt's name. The aunts don't live in the old house, so it is your family who has always lived in the old house, while taking care of the yard and growing grapes.

One story looks one way from your parents' perspective, and another way from your aunt's. Your parents say that your fourth aunt is demanding half of your family's money from the grape harvest.

Instead, your fourth aunt said she was just joking and thought that your mother was too concerned about money and was being petty.

What is the truth of this matter? We can't pursue it like Sherlock Holmes and find real audio and video recordings, but we can still find out the truth!

This is a great example of how different perspectives and attitudes can lead to differing opinions between spouses.

And now for the exciting part! It's time to find out what your mother thinks. The relationship between your mother and your fourth aunt is her problem. And now for your aunt! What does she think? The relationship between your aunt and your mother is her problem.

It doesn't matter if it's your closest mom and dad or your fourth aunt, with whom you also have a deep emotional bond. You can't resolve their relationship issues or interfere in their matters, but that's okay!

You can follow your heart and believe in what you feel is true. You can also sort out your own emotions. It doesn't matter what anyone else thinks!

Your mom and dad will always be your dearest and most beloved parents. And your fourth aunt is also your fourth aunt with true feelings!

This relationship will not change, nor will their relationship with you. I absolutely believe you don't need to get involved because their relationship issues will not affect your own heart.

You don't want to get involved in their affairs, and you're absolutely right! It's hard for an impartial judge to judge family matters, and besides, there are conflicts and kindness between them. This is a complicated matter mixed with all kinds of emotional relationship problems, and even immortals can't explain it – but that's what makes it so fascinating!

We can absolutely love each of them deeply with all our hearts! This is exactly what we need to face them with deep affection, our beloved family members. We really hope that they themselves will be able to resolve the knots in their hearts in the future.

Good morning, my name is Zeyu.

"How can you determine which version of events is accurate when you have two conflicting accounts?" The objective of ascertaining the truth is to identify the factual basis of a matter.

In fact, there are two versions of the same thing. One of the two may be false, while the other is true. There are also two truths or two false situations. Therefore, for events that do not involve us, we should refrain from participation or taking sides. What we see and hear may not be the truth because the same thing can have multiple interpretations depending on the perspective.

Different positions and stances may result in significant discrepancies in the description of the same event. To gain a more accurate understanding, it is essential to take a step back and observe the situation with a fresh perspective. To ascertain the truth, we can request the individuals involved in the event to provide a detailed account of what transpired at that time. However, it is not advisable for the questioner to delve into this matter, given the passage of time and the fact that the parties involved are not ourselves but our parents and elders. In a sense, we are assuming the role of our parents and elders.

Sometimes the "truth" we seek when we delve into the past is to understand what we want to know, but the truth itself is not the primary objective. What is of greater importance is how we interpret this event and understand the actions of our parents and elders. We can attempt to live in the present and treat our parents and elders as we see fit, rather than living in a way we find disagreeable, driven by the "truth".

Dear questioner,

I'm Liu, and I'm all about listening!

Your words reveal confusion, and I can sense the grievances and sorrows you are feeling. It seems that you are also caught in the middle. Just as you have asked, you have heard two versions of the incident from both sides, which is great because it means you have all the information you need to make up your own mind. Although you don't want to get involved in the dispute between your parents and your aunt, you want to know the truth, and now you do!

1. We are in the midst of this "Mount Lushan" adventure, exploring the perspectives of two loved ones.

In particular, in the multi-child families of our previous generation, it can be challenging to completely avoid conflicts and estrangement. Sometimes, even close relatives will take up grudges, and the smoke of conflict will also permeate our generation. I think your current psychological situation is very interesting because our scales are constantly swaying.

The great thing is, even though we're not directly involved in the dispute, both sides will still subconsciously influence you!

On the one hand, you have your beloved parents, who raised and nurtured you. You have witnessed their hard work and understand how difficult it is for them. On the other hand, you have your fourth aunt, who took care of you. You have always been able to see the good in others and you can always sense the warmth of humanity.

Nowadays, there is a fascinating dichotomy between the two sides. The speculation I made here is not entirely correct, but it's a great hypothetical assumption for reference. Let's dive into the intriguing thoughts they may have from different perspectives:

(1) Aunt's perspective

From the aunt's perspective, she has not received the reward she expected for her efforts to help her relatives. She may think that she did her relatives a great favor by saving the house that her grandfather left to her younger brother and letting her younger brother and his family continue to live there and manage it on their own. Although she receives a small thank you in the form of a few boxes of grapes every year, and her younger brother and his family treat her well during the Chinese New Year, her younger brother has developed a successful grape farming business on the land—and it's thriving!

As an "angel investor" and the real owner of the house, I have not yet obtained the income I expected, but I'm excited to see what the future holds!

On top of that, she spent a lot of time looking after her brother's sick child and saw how his business developed from strength to strength. Her brother's daughter is studying art, which requires a lot of investment. Doesn't this situation illustrate this point perfectly? At this time, she will think that she helped her brother's family when they were in need, and now she wants to take half of the income as her own share of the dividends, but her brother and sister-in-law are unwilling to give it to her at this time. I also have financial difficulties, so don't they think too highly of money?

(2) Parents' perspective

I was originally the heir to this house as determined by my father, and I am so excited to take care of the old house and the ancestral home for the entire family! My sister deserves thanks for buying it, and I am happy to help out by giving her a cartload of the harvest every year. My sister-in-law doesn't live here originally, but she is doing a great job of taking care of the property while her children are in school. I am so grateful to her for that! When she is able to buy back the property from her sister, I am sure she will be happy to receive a gift from me.

My sister is an amazing nanny to my children, and I'm happy to pay her for her time.

The grape business was developed little by little through one's own efforts. It is true that it was first used in the hometown, but doing business is not easy. The vineyard has paid its own hard work, and what others may see is the superficial scenery. Raising children and maintaining the business, we are actually very nervous. My sister now not only wants the income from growing grapes in the ancestral home, but also the profits from all the grape business, which is a bit of a big mouth in itself.

Second, we will feel that it is very normal to have differences in information, and we will have conflicts because we have different views. But if we can agree to disagree, we can still be friends!

Even if we read the same book or watch the same movie!

And our perceptions may differ—and that's a good thing!

And this matter itself is not so black and white, which makes it all the more interesting!

The aunt may own the property rights to the old house, but she has never really profited from the investment in the old house. Buying a property is not a trivial matter, and it is unlikely that she will be able to get her house back at this stage. But there is still hope! Her parents don't really want to negotiate this part, but there's still time. The parents have never forgotten their sister's help, and they have been repaying her on a basic level, giving what they can. But the current economic situation is not entirely optimistic, and their sister's demands are completely beyond their means. So, what can we do?

There has always been a wonderful give-and-take between the siblings, and an argument broke out.

From your description, it seems that your aunt's "joking" is more like an emotional outburst. Calm down! It is unreasonable to take half of your father's profits from growing grapes anyway, and she has no right to do so. It seems to me that she is more like being pique, which is something we can work with!

Therefore, I'm thrilled to infer that before she made such an outrageous request,

I bet she has another request up her sleeve!

And this hidden demand has no chance of being realized at this stage.

3. Based on your situation, I would love to make the following suggestions! They're just my two cents, but I really hope they'll help you out.

(1) We should return the issues that belong to the elders to them. We cannot worry for them, but we can support them in finding their own solutions!

This matter is inherently complicated and entangled, and it started many years ago. How exactly to debate, handle, and negotiate it is beyond our control as the next generation. If we keep getting involved, we will probably overthink it and suffer from psychological anxiety. But here's the good news: parents and aunts are adults, and they have their own ways of dealing with it. This is their "subject," and they're going to figure it out!

But the truth is, we're already involved in it unconsciously. We want to find the truth and see clearly who is right and who is wrong so we can feel at ease.

But life is already so full of possibilities! You have your own goals and so many things you want to do. We are already excited just trying to complete our own tasks.

(2) Through this incident, we may discover the many facets of human nature. Please accept the complexity of human nature with open arms! At the same time, seeing that you may be under stress and anxiety, give yourself more self-care. You deserve it!

You are so smart for never hastily jumping to any conclusions! You have tried to find out the facts of what happened, observed from different perspectives, analyzed the various information obtained, and I believe you will definitely become an excellent person in the future. I can see that this matter has brought you some emotional impact. The request made by your aunt can even be said to have overturned our original view of her. The tug-of-war between the two sides has also made us feel tired and uneasy. We don't know who to believe, and this feeling is also psychological. But you are handling it all so well!

Absolutely! We can definitely try talking about these parts with a professional mental health practitioner to find out why we are upset and to relieve our emotions.

That's all I have to say for now!

Thank you so much for reading!

I wish you the very best in the new year!

I'm a listening therapist, Liu Quanyan, and I'm here to help!

Please, ask me anything! I'm here for you.

Dear questioner, I am here to support you.

The dispute between your fourth aunt and your mother has confused you. After all, they are both people you love, and you don't want to misunderstand either of them. You have turned to the platform for help and are looking for some insight.

Your father has many brothers and sisters, and your grandfather gave your father the old house for a reason. It was his intention that the son should inherit it, so it is only natural. Your aunt paid for it and had her name written on the deed, and there was a reason for that too. In your aunt's heart, she was trying to strike a balance, which is quite human.

When your fourth aunt tried to take some of the grapes sold by your family, your father felt a bit uncomfortable. Despite your parents' best efforts, giving a lot of grapes to your aunts every year, it was also a way to balance the fact that they got the old house as a younger brother's share. Your father handled it well.

When your fourth aunt spoke in front of you about how much your mother cared about money and looked angry, you felt angry at your aunt. As a child, you were dissatisfied with the jokes she played on you, and you also needed to balance your misunderstandings about your mother. They were all people you loved, and you didn't want to hurt anyone.

Fourth Aunt was unable to express her inner anger. After all, the old house was in her name, and she undoubtedly came from a poor family. She was grateful to her aunt, who had paid for the house, but she also felt angry with your parents. What she cared about most was the decision to give the old house to your family, and she was especially concerned about what your mother did.

She and Dad were like brothers and sisters, and Dad did a pretty good job within his abilities. Since you were studying at art school at the time, the family was also very short of money. It's likely that Mom neglected Fourth Aunt, making Fourth Aunt feel uncomfortable in some ways for the sake of the family. Fourth Aunt couldn't vent in front of your parents, let alone complain in front of your aunt, so she could only talk about it in front of you, asking you to convey her dissatisfaction to your parents.

Fourth Auntie's words were also quite good. They reminded Mum that what she cared about was the relationship and that she wanted to get along peacefully. If Fourth Auntie wanted to get her own way, she could also reclaim ownership of the old house. She didn't want to cause discord in the family. I think we should take her advice.

You are wise beyond your years. Take responsibility for your actions and set clear boundaries. You may feel stressed, but you have learned a valuable lesson about the importance of relationships. You care deeply about your parents, but you also know that defending your fourth aunt's ideas is important. As a child, you are already very good.

Thank you.