How do I communicate with my mom when I keep asking the same question repeatedly?

Good day. I extend a warm greeting from afar.

I am pleased to see that you have requested assistance. I hope that the information I have provided will offer you some support and guidance. From your description, it is evident that you are seeking your mother's understanding and respect.

The reason for your inability to accept the way you communicate with your mother is due to your expectations of her being overly perfect. You desire her to be able to provide you with emotional support and respond in the manner you expect. It is evident that your mother does not possess this ability, which results in feelings of frustration and disappointment.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this matter.

It is important to note that a relationship is a system, and changes in one party will affect and drive changes in the entire relationship. If you wish to communicate with your mother in a certain way, you can try treating her in that way. The way you treat your mother will guide and hint at the way she treats you.

In the event that your mother's words and actions make you feel disrespected and misunderstood, you may wish to consider expressing your true feelings and needs in a sincere and courageous manner. It is important to avoid allowing your feelings of grievance and anger to cloud your judgement and prompt an emotional response. This may lead to your mother feeling rejected, scolded and denied, which could result in her resorting to instinctive self-defence and being unable to empathise with your perspective. What are your thoughts on this matter?

It is therefore recommended that you take the expectation and willingness to change your mother back to yourself, and change the way you interact with your mother through your own learning and growth. It has been observed that the person who takes the initiative to change in a relationship is always the first to feel pain in the relationship, which shows that you are more aware and have the ability to change.

It is not feasible to request a change from an individual who is not aware of their own shortcomings.

I suggest you read Nonviolent Communication.

My name is Lily, and I am the Q&A Museum's point of contact for your queries. I extend my personal regards to you, and I wish you well.

Hello, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing, and I'm here to help.

You need to learn more about your mother's family of origin.

For example, I want to know if her parents also put some of the things they had suffered in the past on her when she was growing up.

If she grew up in such an environment, she is clearly unaware that her parents' way of treating her was wrong. That's why she passed on these bad habits to you.

You can't change your mother. The set of communication patterns she acquired with her children has followed her for most of her life. She can't change them just by wanting to.

Mothers cannot change their communication patterns, so accept her as she is.

You can't change your mother, but you can choose to change yourself.

You must not pass on your mother's bad communication style to your next generation.

The negative pattern of your mother will be stopped at you.

This will reduce the negative impact of the "intergenerational transmission" of this bad model.

I am confident that the problem you are facing will be resolved soon.

That's all I have to say on the matter.

I am confident that my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you, the questioner. As the answerer, I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, the world and I love you. Best wishes!

I am confident that I can help you.