How do I deal with the discomfort when I hear people talking about me behind my back?

Dear Question Asker, After reading your description, I am compelled to express my profound empathy and support.

He temporarily vacated the line and then re-entered it in the same position (his mother was still in the line). This is a common practice among many individuals.

I have previously engaged in this practice and will provide my response for your reference.

First and foremost, it is imperative to understand that every action is preceded by a reason. When you exited the queue and subsequently returned, those individuals situated at a considerable distance from you may have observed solely the action that transpired behind you, rather than your departure itself.

He therefore made an arbitrary judgment, namely that you were cutting in line. In fact, you were not cutting in line, and thus felt aggrieved when someone talked about you in this way. Your instinctive reaction was to reject what these people were saying and to protect yourself.

Is that an accurate interpretation?

Secondly, it can be inferred that the subject in question possesses a sense of justice. In order to ascertain this, one must first identify the subject's inner needs.

One might inquire as to the motivation behind concern for the opinions of others. In contrast to the discourse observed in children, who tend to engage in discussions centered on moral principles, adults often prioritize a focus on outcomes.

I would like to share an anecdote in which I was the recipient of an unkind act and subsequently responded in a similar manner. I was waiting in line at a hospital to pay for my treatment when a person in front of me turned around and asked me and the people in my vicinity to "go to the bathroom" and "watch the line for him." I was instructed to return to my original position after a brief interval.

I responded in the affirmative, indicating my acquiescence.

I subsequently employed the same methodology. Might I inquire as to whether you derived any benefit from my disclosure?

Ultimately, it is essential to focus on one's internal strength and resilience. When an individual possesses sufficient inner fortitude, external influences and pressures tend to lose their capacity to affect them.

One should simply act in accordance with one's own moral compass, without concern for external opinion. As the adage goes, "Follow your own path, leaving no way for others!"

I encourage you to proceed.

The world of adults is replete with a plethora of unspoken and unutterable sentiments.

Hello, questioner. I can see you're confused, so I'm here to help!

You're going through some interpersonal issues right now. I'm here for you, and I want to give you a warm hug.

You ran into your neighbor yesterday, who told you you cut in line. You thought they were whispering about you.

But was that really the case?

I don't think so.

It's also possible that you just happened to pass by in front of your neighbors today, and they were talking about someone else.

It's possible you're experiencing the "spotlight effect" in psychology.

I used to be like that too. Back when there was no pandemic, I went to the gym to exercise. One time, while the instructor was leading me through a Pilates class, I thought the female member on the stretching bed next to me was chatting with her instructor and looking at me, laughing at the fact that I was doing the exercises badly.

I told my Pilates instructor about my confusion right away. She said, "You're just overthinking it. That female member was just telling the instructor about something that happened to her a few days ago."

I was really happy to hear this.

Questioner, you only need to know that in this life, we only need to know three things: our own affairs, other people's affairs, and the affairs of heaven.

You just need to do your part.

You can't control what other people say about you.

If your neighbors criticize you, you just need to be aware that you can try to correct it and not make the same mistake next time. If you ask yourself if you have a clear conscience and haven't done what they say, then don't mind it too much.

If you're feeling angry, buy a pillow that doesn't look very nice. When you're feeling negative emotions, hit the pillow as hard as you can.

Or you could try buying a pair of boxing gloves. When you're feeling emotional, put them on and punch the walls of your house.

I really hope you can resolve the issue you're facing soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love you and the world loves you too! Best wishes!

Hello, I'm Kimu the Little Angel. I'm confident my answer will be helpful!

The questioner's dilemma is as follows:

1) You are unsure whether leaving and returning to the queue for a community event counts as cutting in line.

2) Your neighbors made a big deal about the line, thinking you cut in line, but others were generous and didn't care. You feel quite blocked, and you know you didn't cut in line.

3) After the event, I heard the neighbors whispering, thinking that they were talking about me, which was quite disturbing.

Let's break down the problem. 1. Ambiguous values and indecision

1. Ambiguous values and indecision

You must judge your own behavior when you leave and return to a line. If you think you have queued-jumped, it is bad behavior. Reflect on yourself and don't do it again.

If you think you and your mother are in line together, and you leave in the middle of something and come back later, you're not cutting in line. Don't feel guilty or think you're in the wrong. Stop imagining the worst and blaming yourself. Also, regarding the incident where you left the line and came back, you could have said hello to the people around you before leaving and told them you'd be back soon.

If the other person disagrees, you can choose to come back forcibly or obediently go to the back of the line.

2. Be yourself and don't let others dictate your actions.

The questioner is not the first, and probably not the last, to live in the mouths of others. The questioner should just be himself.

Think about it. You don't always listen to your parents' teachings, and you're spending ages thinking about what to do after torturing yourself with a neighbor's nagging. This is completely asking for trouble.

3. Finish everything today. Don't prolong the cycle of pain.

The suspected queue jumping incident happened the day before, and your neighbor has already nagged you about it. You were right or wrong, but you should have made your own conclusion and moved on, instead of dwelling on the pain of the past. "Wisdom lies in not admonishing the past and knowing that the future can be changed." What matters is not what you did in the past, but how you will act in the future. Don't get lost in the past.

The original poster needs to:

1. Establish clear and definite values.

Have a moral compass for your words and actions, and be clear about what is good, bad, right, and wrong. If someone says something, you can reflect on it yourself. Fix your mistakes, or be even more diligent. Avoid vague values and double standards.

2. Be a good person and cherish your loved ones.

It doesn't matter if they're neighbors or passersby—they're just passing through. You can take what they say, good or bad, as a reference or for consideration, but don't dwell on it. You're the one who's responsible for your life! At the same time, your family members are growing old, and you need to focus your energy and time on them.

3. Stop catastrophizing.

The second day after the incident, the neighbor might be talking about you, or maybe the other person is talking about other gossip. Either way, you don't have to add drama to your life. Don't over-speculate about what other people are thinking, and stop catastrophizing. Yesterday's events are in the past. Get ready to welcome today.

I am confident that the above suggestions will be useful to the questioner!

Hello, I am a heart coach. I will be your supportive and compassionate listener as you share your story with me.

You tend to be concerned about what others think of you, and you may find yourself dwelling on negative comments in particular.

While it may seem inconsequential, cutting in line can evoke a range of emotions. You might feel frustrated with the person behind you for criticizing your actions, and that frustration could potentially lead to self-blame. It's understandable that you'd want to avoid causing any inconvenience to others, and it's important to recognize that your actions might have an impact on their interests.

This can potentially lead to feelings of suspicion towards others, wondering if they are talking about you, and self-doubt, wondering if your actions were appropriate.

If you take a deep breath to calm yourself down, you may find that your original wisdom is rekindled, which could help you to see where the problem lies.

? 1. Consider allowing yourself to have emotions.

It might be helpful to remember that there is no such thing as a good or bad emotion. We often label emotions like anger and resentment as negative, and we might find it easy to suppress them. It's worth considering whether we're allowed to express these emotions.

It is worth noting that emotions have energy and, to a certain extent, they protect us. For example, fear can help us stay away from danger.

Anger can help us maintain our sense of boundaries and prevent us from being violated by the other party.

Perhaps we could take another look at your anger. It seems that your neighbor was gossiping, criticizing, and accusing you of doing the wrong thing because you were cut in front of in line. At the same time, your actions seemed to stimulate your self-awareness, as you saw the impact your actions could have on other people.

It may be helpful to remain aware. You might consider seeing your anger and staying with it for a while, experiencing and perceiving it.

Emotions are trying to give you an important gift in the form of anger. It may be helpful to accept this gift in order to move forward.

It may be helpful to allow yourself to feel your deep-seated anger. Our emotions are often deeply hidden by the subconscious, and once a similar situation arises, the deep emotions may well be activated again.

It would be helpful to recognize what the underlying needs are that manifest as deep anger. These needs may include a desire for respect, fairness, affirmation, and acceptance, or they may manifest in other ways.

Seeing provides the opportunity to make a choice; seeing is the first step in making a change. Maintaining awareness is an important factor in making changes.

Some meditation exercises may be helpful in developing and training your ability to be aware and perceive yourself well.

2. The need for a sense of self-worth

You are particularly attuned to the opinions of others, which may be a reflection of a lack of self-confidence.

It might be helpful to think of self-confidence as being related to one's sense of worth. Worth, in this context, is a subjective evaluation of oneself, rather than a reflection of how others see us.

When we were young, we may have experienced criticism, blame, or rejection from our parents, which could have led to a gradual internalization of these experiences as our own self-evaluations. This can potentially contribute to a sense of low self-worth, making us sensitive and suspicious, easily hurt, and even developing an inferiority complex.

People who are often affirmed, praised, and approved of by their parents tend to have a high sense of worth, are very confident, and experience a great deal of strength in their lives.

There are two levels of confidence that we often discuss. One is external, material, and comes from the affirmation of others. This kind of confidence requires a certain foundation for support and assurance. Once this support and assurance is removed, it can lead to feelings of self-doubt and self-negation.

Another level comes from a high sense of self-worth. He has confidence in himself as a person, and he is also full of confidence in the future.

It is important to avoid denying or doubting yourself based on your perceived abilities or mistakes.

One way to boost self-confidence is to start by boosting your sense of worth. One simple way to do this is to give yourself positive feedback. Affirm, praise, and approve of yourself, and understand and accept yourself.

Similar slogans can also be helpful: "I am a life, I deserve to be loved, I need love / have faith, meet challenges, I want to live my life to the fullest / face the sun, be confident and happy, believe in yourself and you can do it."

You may find it helpful to read my article, "It turns out that the root of all problems is it," which you can find on my personal homepage.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you. I wish you well and send my love to you and to the world.

If you would like to continue our conversation, please click on "Find a Coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

Hello, I'm Flower!

From the questioner's words, I can feel that the questioner is ready to take back control and rise above the gossip of the neighbors. First, I'd like to give the questioner a big hug!

Let's dive in and sort out this emotion together!

First, give yourself permission to feel angry!

"In fact, I was really angry inside because I was being talked about."

It's totally normal to feel angry when someone points out your bad behavior. The first step is to give yourself permission to feel that way.

Absolutely! When you encounter something that makes you angry, you should be angry.

Second, it's time to observe those emotional changes!

"At the same time, I feel very guilty, as if my behavior really is like cutting in line. But I am the one who benefits the most, and I feel that I am moving the interests of my neighbors so that they will talk nonsense."

The poster's emotions gradually shifted from anger to self-reflective guilt, mixed with rational thinking.

Guess what! Today, before I even walked past my neighbors, I saw them eagerly whispering to each other. I couldn't help but wonder if they were talking about me!

Then, when the questioner meets the neighbor, they begin to wonder if they are being discussed. What an amazing process this is! What kind of changes have occurred in the questioner's emotions during this process? The questioner can try to become self-aware.

Third, let your emotions arise, pass through, and leave!

"Now, I just want to know if there is a way to convince myself to ignore other people's gossip?"

The questioner's distress is a great example of the ABC theory of emotions in psychology!

In the emotional ABC theory, A represents the triggering event; B represents the beliefs that an individual forms in response to this triggering event, i.e., the perception and interpretation of the event; and C represents the emotions and behavioral outcomes that the individual experiences.

1. Think more comprehensively about these discussions!

The questioner's discussion of the neighbors will doubt whether it is about them, which is a kind of speculation on the part of the questioner. Then perhaps the neighbors were discussing other things, other things that have nothing to do with the questioner – how fascinating!

2. You know what? Sometimes a trivial matter just isn't worth mentioning.

Cutting in line is a trivial matter, and it's not something that people talk about every day, right? So, the questioner can try to accept the trivial matter of "possibly cutting in line" and slowly forget about it. Then, they can shift their attention to their own lives!

3. When faced with idle gossip, just let it go!

The questioner wants to know how to ignore these idle words and gossip. In fact, throughout our lives, we are constantly being judged by others and by ourselves. Some judgments can help us grow, while others can trouble us.

In the face of these idle words and gossip, the questioner can face their own inner needs. What they say is not necessarily the truth, and some people just like to talk. So let them talk, and we'll just do our own thing!

The questioner should definitely try mindfulness meditation in psychology!

I really hope the above is helpful to the questioner! I wish you all the best!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm excited to be here! I'm modest and unassuming, and I'm proud of who I am.

Have you ever wondered why people gossip? It's because they're bored!

Here's the right way to look at this situation!

Emperor Kangxi once said during his reign, "Whoever does not slander others behind their backs, no one will slander them behind their backs." This is an extremely normal social or psychological phenomenon, and it's something we can all learn to embrace! It's true that we feel uncomfortable when we hear it, and we can understand your sense of frustration and difficulty in accepting it. But we also need to have a good attitude towards this kind of thing, and I'm here to help you do just that!

When we hear what others say about us behind our backs, we should definitely learn to do some analysis, apart from our own emotions. First, we should ask ourselves: is what they say true? If it is true, we should reflect on whether we have done anything wrong.

If it's not true, then we can let ourselves off the hook a little and not worry too much about it. Second: their relationship with us.

If the relationship is close and they have misunderstood us, we can absolutely try to explain! And if it doesn't matter much, we don't have to care.

We are all just spectators, and it's a great position to be in!

It is said that this is a normal state of affairs, and it is also a way for people to kill time after dinner. We should therefore look at this matter optimistically! Perhaps it is not directed at you, and others do not understand the true meaning of the matter, so it is normal to have misunderstandings. The key is what kind of attitude we use to face and solve such problems.

In a recent turn of events, the renowned CCTV host Zhu Jun has been thrust into the spotlight after a major online search. While this has undoubtedly affected his career, body, and mind, he remains true to himself. Those who understand and support him recognize that those who want to destroy him have ulterior motives.

But he never explained it, because he believed in the law. That is, the so-called innocent person is clear.

Be confident and don't be oversensitive!

It doesn't matter who it is, in such a situation, they will probably take the neighbors' whispering as gossip and feel that it is related to them. This awareness is very good and can definitely help you in other matters! However, if you are too sensitive in interpersonal relationships, it will definitely cause you a lot of suffering. Unconsciously, you will have imaginary enemies who will affect your mood.

Perceptual bias is the main reason for your current predicament. In your world, you don't consider it queuing up, and it doesn't have a big impact on others, but in other people's worlds, your actions are blatant queue jumping. As a bystander, I don't think it counts, but as a participant, I would consider it.

As long as interests are touched, people will start to be penny-pinching. So when we touch someone else's interests, we get to pay a certain price, such as now.

How to ignore: First, mentally, don't blame yourself for your actions or take chances. Second, our actions don't cause major harm to others, so psychologically we need to give ourselves some leeway. If you feel uncomfortable or don't want to do it, then just don't do it in the future when you're in line. In the end, there's nothing we can do to control how others evaluate and understand a situation. All we can do is do what we should do, and be considerate in our own world.

Wishing you the best!

It's true that some people can be really attached to the tiniest of details. I've met people like that! It's only natural to go back to your original position. So, it's no surprise that others might think you're cutting in line. If it happened to me, I'd be upset too!

Even the other person said that they didn't want to argue with you, which made the misunderstanding feel even more profound. We also know that if we try to explain something, it might feel like the communication will turn into an argument, which is totally understandable! After all, arguments happen very easily in our lives.

It can be really hurtful when you hear people gossiping about you.

Community activities You left the queue to go back to your original position.

All go home. The downstairs neighbor said in the hallway that you cut in line.

Oh, gossip!

Oh, cutting in line!

It's totally understandable to feel angry when you're not sure what's going on with someone else. It can be hard to know what to do in these situations. It's great that you have such a strong sense of right and wrong.

☮️☮️☮️☮️ A lovely chat where any misunderstandings can be cleared up.

?️?️?️?️?️Why not have a little chat with yourself to explain things?

?️?️?️?️?️Let them know that this isn't the case.

It's possible you were misunderstood because you really did cut the line. It seems like other people also made a lot of effort to get in line! You can see the impact this has on you, and it's totally understandable to feel anxious and uncomfortable.

It's okay if other people misunderstand. We can't control how they think, but we can explain things to them. If they don't listen, we can explain to ourselves that we're not that kind of person. You have some discernment of your own.

Just listen to what other people say, and then you can also make appropriate adjustments to your future behavior. Their various whisperings can make people suspicious, and they may still be talking about you. At this time, you can show through your actions that you are upright and righteous, and demonstrate your mental strength. You've got this!

After all, other people's idle gossip is just a mirage. It's true that in front of people with different personalities in different environments, the comments we get are all different. But if the other person's comments make you feel very happy, you can absolutely accept them. And if the other person's comments make you unhappy but you can think about them and improve, it may not be completely unproductive, right? Just let it go if the comments are untrue, and cheer up!

ZQ?