How do you get along with someone who always hides themselves away?

I don't know if he's smart or I'm dumb.

How did you know he was hiding something?

If you're not being sincere, you'll reveal your true intentions.

How do you feel about him when you know he's acting?

You must be angry, accuse him, and despise him. You suffer from this and expect to be as good as you imagined.

He's not what you thought.

He's just the way he is. He's not what you thought. How do you deal with it?

Don't dwell on the past.

If he used you to get information, don't give it to him next time.

2. Learn from it.

You learn from your mistakes. Be grateful for the ups and downs. If things go smoothly, you won't learn much. You learn more through the ups and downs.

3. Focus on yourself.

Focus on yourself. You can't change others, but you can grow.

I hope this helps.

Greetings. I extend to you a 360-degree embrace.

Although I am unaware of the identity of the individual in question, I am compelled to perceive a resemblance between their statements and my own experiences. I have been previously observed by another individual, who noted that I tend to communicate differently with different people.

I reflected on the matter at hand and concluded that her evaluation was highly precise, despite the fact that we had never met in person and were merely conversing in a WeChat group.

Indeed, the same approach is not always used with all individuals. For instance, if a superior offers constructive criticism, one may choose to listen and reflect on the feedback. However, if the same criticism is received from a different source at the same time, it is more probable that a defensive response will be given.

Consequently, there is no universal method of communication.

Furthermore, you have stated that some individuals possess deep-seated issues, exhibit a reluctance to reveal themselves, and engage in evasive discourse. This may be attributed to a desire to create a favorable impression on the other person, thereby avoiding the potential of being perceived as tedious, or it may be due to an awareness that they are unable to divulge certain information to just anyone.

It is also of interest to enquire why our feelings are sometimes accompanied by a sense of comfort and sometimes by a sense of unease.

What elicits a sense of comfort and what evokes discomfort? What instills a sense of ease is the utterance itself, as it fulfills one's psychological requirements. Conversely, what provokes unease is the absence of fulfillment of these very needs.

In his work on individual psychology, Adler posited that all of our difficulties originate from interpersonal relationships. Ultimately, they stem from our relationship with ourselves.

One must inquire of oneself: What is it that one desires? What is it that one seeks to obtain from the relationship?

If an individual is able to fulfill the needs of the relationship, it is of lesser importance whether they are transparent or conceal aspects of themselves. It is possible that an individual may possess their own hidden, unidentified, and unacknowledged behavioral patterns.

It is not uncommon for individuals to be reticent about fully disclosing their personal information, particularly if they are uncertain about the most effective ways to do so. In such cases, it is advisable to refrain from dwelling on the issue.

It is advisable to consider your own needs and whether the other person is capable of meeting them. It may be beneficial to refrain from dwelling on other aspects of the relationship.

Should one experience discomfort, it is possible to terminate the interaction or simply address the issue.

I frequently adhere to Buddhist principles and, on occasion, adopt a pessimistic stance in my role as a counselor. I extend my love and respect to the world and to myself.

I believe the previous responses from the teachers have already provided excellent guidance on enhancing your social skills. They have also touched upon various aspects of understanding and empathy in response to your question.

I'd prefer not to go into detail about this.

I recognize that my analysis may differ from others, and I respect that it represents only my personal interpretations and opinions.

If it isn't an imposition, I wonder if I might ask what your relationship is with the "person" or "type of person" you have just described.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how important this person is to you on your life journey, and to what extent you feel you can benefit from a deeper understanding of them.

Perhaps it would be unwise to try to understand the past lives of a random person on the street because of their indecent behavior, or to try to establish a relationship with them, or to try to improve your conversation skills, people skills, and judgment.

Perhaps it would be more beneficial to focus your energy on those who are more significant in your life.

So, since you have a number of reasons for wanting to understand this person better, perhaps it would be helpful to first consider the potential impact this person could have on your life.

Otherwise, perhaps it would be more beneficial to focus your energy on those who are more important to you. It's possible that you might be expending a lot of effort trying to please or study someone who is not important at all. Have you considered whether you could be using your energy more wisely?

We all encounter a wide range of people in our lives. It's not necessary to try to get along with everyone, understand and master everyone's temperament, birth data, interests, hobbies, and social connections. We don't need to act like detectives, experts, or background checkers.

If this person is not of great importance to you, but you find them special and unique, and you feel you cannot replace them, and you are so involved with them that you want to establish a connection, it might be helpful to examine whether you have a certain degree of obsession.

We will discuss this further at a later time.

It is not realistic to expect that anyone can solve all of life's problems perfectly, and similarly, it is not possible for anyone to get along with everyone in the world.

Perhaps it would be wise to avoid becoming overly involved in people and things.

I wish you the best of luck.

Hello! I totally get where you're coming from when you say that you're struggling in your relationships with people who always seem to hide themselves away.

I've also met people like this in my life and work. It seems like her talking around you is just a way to get information. She never shares anything about herself because she's afraid of being caught. This kind of person makes me feel like she's not being totally honest, that she struggles to trust others, and that it's difficult to connect with her deeply.

Everyone is born different, and the environment in which they grow up and are raised also differs, directly affecting a person's interpersonal communication style. For example, some people have experienced a lot of betrayal and hurt during their growth process, and they will feel that the world is unsafe. It's totally understandable! They cannot expose some of their things to the outside world, which makes them feel insecure and afraid of being hurt.

I can see that you're feeling a bit confused. When you're with this kind of person, you feel both comfortable and uncomfortable. Why is that?

You feel comfortable because the other person speaks in line with your preferences, making you feel respected and noticed, and satisfying your need for self-esteem. You say you can't detect the other person's intentions because they never take the initiative to say what they want throughout the whole process. At this point, you can become self-aware and ask yourself why you want to know their intentions.

It's okay to feel afraid of being hurt. We all worry that others might hurt us sometimes. Have you ever been betrayed or hurt by someone else?

There's a golden rule in psychology that I think we can all agree on: "Treat others as you would like to be treated." If you expect others to be honest with you, it's only fair that you be honest with them first. Treating others sincerely and consistently is a humanistic theory in psychology. But many people misunderstand sincerity as telling the truth. Sincerity doesn't mean saying everything, but being consistent, treating everyone equally, and being brave enough to express your feelings and needs.

I really think you should try to train yourself to express your feelings in interpersonal relationships.

If you feel like the other person is always trying to get information out of you but isn't being honest when you ask, you can just come right out and say how you feel. They'll understand.

Another example is when you feel hurt or insulted. It's totally okay to feel this way! You should directly express your feelings and needs. This kind of expression will help you to relieve your emotions.

It's so important to learn how to communicate and interact with others effectively. There are lots of great books out there on interpersonal relationships that can really help you to understand yourself, others, and the relationships between people better. The more you understand, the more experiences you have, and the better your coping mechanisms become, the more secure you will feel in your interpersonal relationships. I wish you all the best!

The questioner's statement indicates that this kind of person tends to conceal their true selves, particularly when attempting to interact with others. During conversations, they often circumvent direct disclosure of their preferences, instead focusing on gathering information or steering the conversation towards their desired outcomes. They rarely take the initiative to explicitly state their intentions.

What can be said about this kind of person? Does this imply that they are intelligent and possess a high IQ, and that they will conceal their true intentions?

Or am I simply lacking in intelligence for being unable to discern his intentions? I am uncertain as to how I should interact with this particular individual.

The objective is to ascertain how one might interact with such an individual. One may either feel at ease or uneasy in the presence of such a person.

The questioner's feelings of helplessness and confusion are evident in their words. While I admire the skill of engaging in such a conversation, I also feel suffocated, as I believe I could be easily tricked and taken advantage of by this individual. The confusion arises from a sense of loss of control over the other person, and thus, it can be viewed from two broad perspectives:

⭐️1. Adopt the perspective of the other person

I previously listened to a book about the psychology of strangers, which proved to be an enlightening experience. The book's central premise is the importance of adopting the mindset of a stranger in order to gain a deeper understanding of their perspective.

Despite the fact that the content of the book is, for the most part, already well-known, it is nevertheless the case that few people will point this out.

The book's most intriguing proposition is as follows:

The majority of individuals believe they possess the ability to accurately discern the intentions and motivations of others.

The majority of individuals believe that it is impossible to ascertain another person's thoughts and intentions.

The rationale behind any given action or utterance is seldom straightforward.

In point of fact, each individual is constituted by a complex array of genetic material, growth environment, educational background, past experiences, and a plethora of additional factors. The words, actions, and decisions of a person are the consequence of a sophisticated interplay of superimposed factors.

It is similarly unfeasible to assert that a singular causal factor can be identified as the sole determinant of a given outcome.

It is therefore not unusual that the questioner stated that he is unable to ascertain his purpose. At best, inferences can be made based on the questioner's understanding and past observations.

However, it is important to note that individuals are inherently independent variables, and thus, even if an inference is made, the resulting conclusion may not be accurate.

It is impossible to ascertain the entirety of an individual's life experiences, as they may be unable or unwilling to divulge certain information or may have forgotten significant events.

Consequently, it is possible to consider alternative methods of interpreting his actions while simultaneously acknowledging and accepting the possibility of remaining uncertain about his intentions.

Naturally, a prerequisite to this is a genuine desire to ascertain his intentions.

Those who direct their attention inward are aware that expending effort to comprehend others is a taxing endeavor.

It is important to note that individuals tend to adhere to their own patterns of thinking and decision-making. There is no absolute right or wrong in this regard; it is a matter of personal preference.

The questioner should consider the various avenues for gaining insight into the other person's character.

For example, one might inquire directly about the matter at hand during the course of the conversation. Given that the other person is adept at engaging in small talk and the questioner also feels at ease conversing with them, it is likely that the other person will be able to respond to such an inquiry.

Should he respond in a forthright manner, he will have assuaged the questioner's concerns. Conversely, should he eschew the pivotal matters and concentrate on the inconsequential, the questioner may persist in the endeavour to ascertain whether he can sustain the conversation indefinitely.

One can observe the subject while simultaneously experiencing a sense of ease.

⭐️2. Adopt a perspective that is informed by your own experiences and circumstances.

As indicated by the questioner, this individual has the capacity to evoke feelings of comfort and discomfort.

It is, in fact, possible for the questioner to observe the same person, the same words, and the same actions. Some individuals will experience feelings of discomfort or comfort, while others will remain unaffected.

▶️ How is such a distinction established?

1. Those who are immune to all harm ensure that they take care of their obligations.

2. The words and actions of another person are beyond our control; however, we retain the ability to choose our emotional response.

3. It is advisable to avoid taking other people's actions and opinions too seriously, while also avoiding taking oneself too lightly.

Attention directed back toward oneself can engender a sense of empowerment and control. It is important to recognize that we do not possess the authority or obligation to alter the words and actions of others.

It is important to note that the individual in question is not under your guardianship. Consequently, your concerns regarding his character and values are misguided. Such concerns are not only exhausting, but also unlikely to be appreciated by the individual in question. It would be more beneficial for you to consider ways of improving yourself and fostering your own happiness. It may be helpful to reflect on the types of individuals you find most compatible and who contribute to your sense of relaxation and happiness. It would be beneficial for you to prioritize spending time with such individuals.

One may choose to either avoid individuals and circumstances that elicit discomfort or to allow them to be themselves. The optimal approach is to act as an impartial observer, avoiding the trap of becoming preoccupied with their actions.

The brain functions similarly to the body in that it is a tool. As it is used more frequently, the thinking that occurs as a result becomes more automatic and habitual. This thinking is not always wise or rational.

The same can be said of our habitual actions. Some of these are neither necessary nor useful; for example, crossing one's legs.

In light of these considerations, the questioner may also wish to examine these issues carefully: which are necessary, which are not; which are within one's control, which are not.

Frequently, anger, depression, and entanglement are manifestations of self-punishment for perceived misdeeds of others. Given the inability to alter the actions of others, the only viable recourse is to modify one's own behavior. At best, one can exert influence over others through one's own actions.

Following a comprehensive analysis of the issue at hand, it is evident that the questioner has reached a personal conclusion and a comprehensive understanding of the subject matter.

Furthermore, it is my hope that my response will provide the inquirer with inspiration and assistance.

I extend my best wishes to you.

From your description, it is evident that you do not fit this profile.

From these individuals, you can observe their rapid comprehension of others' perspectives and their capacity to provide guidance. This is a noteworthy attribute. They facilitate expression of ideas, but the underlying intention is to influence the outcome. Concurrently, they demonstrate delayed gratification and patience.

Furthermore, it is possible to discern insincerity in such individuals. It is likely that others can also perceive this.

Forming alliances requires identifying individuals with compatible values. In such cases, it is possible to learn from their strengths while avoiding their weaknesses.

It requires courage to be a sincere person, but being sincere with others and with oneself does not result in fatigue.

Sometimes, we say that we have gradually become the kind of person we dislike because we have had to compromise and have been unable to request what we want. As you mentioned, that kind of person will learn to be tactful, and this is sometimes unavoidable in social situations. Therefore, as long as your starting point is positive, aiming for a win-win situation for yourself and others, you can negotiate in any way.

There may be instances when your straightforward approach is perceived as reckless by others. Similarly, you may experience annoyance when you realize belatedly that you have been taken advantage of.

In essence, the world is simply a matter of reciprocation. As long as you maintain an open and honest approach in your personal interactions, you will foster genuine connections, whereas those who are guarded may find themselves isolated.

This individual may have developed this coping mechanism during childhood. They may have difficulty expressing their needs directly to their parents. It is unfortunate to consider.

The ability to express oneself directly is contingent upon the presence of love and high self-esteem. This individual is not concerned about the potential for others to withhold support, and even if they do, he believes it will not impact him. He maintains a positive outlook.

However, the individual in question, who tends to operate in the background, will only proclaim victory once they have accomplished their objective. Maintaining a high level of suspicion on a constant basis is exhausting.

Therefore, it is advisable to be courageous and authentic, while also learning from their exemplary human understanding, guidance, and delayed gratification. It is recommended to proceed with this course of action.