How do you get rid of the shadow of being hated by your family and being excluded and marginalized by your friends?

Hello, I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I'm concerned to see that you've been shunned by your family and marginalized by your friends. These unfair treatments may have had a profound negative impact on your heart.

So, we need to think carefully about what we hear and what we do. Are those words and actions fair and just? Are they right for you? We need to find out what we need to know, and some information is wrong, so we need to ignore it.

We should try to avoid people and things that aren't good for us and let them out of our lives. Even though we're connected to everything in the world, we can still achieve a certain degree of isolation and filtering.

We can also filter out the unnecessary stuff and keep the things that are really helpful for our growth and development. For example, if you were a child and your parents suppressed you, that's not a good thing. They didn't respect you, and you need to understand that.

Maybe your parents didn't have a great education and didn't know how to educate you or learn from you. In this regard, we can learn from others' mistakes to know what we can and can't do.

You can learn a lot from other people's mistakes. They can help you understand what you've gained and lost. You've gained pain and lost happiness. That means you need to be more aware of what kind of person is "good for you." The fact that you were ostracized by your friends in middle school has made you more aware of what you want. It's also made you more sensitive to others' needs. This means that we don't necessarily need to cater to others in order to gain friendship. In fact, is friendship a luxury?

If you can have a sincere friendship, then it may be mutual and both people are willing to be friends with each other. If some people just exclude you, mock you, and make all kinds of sarcastic comments about you, then you don't need to please them at all. You just need to stay away from these people, because they are not true friends at all.

And today, when friends urge you to find a partner, saying you're not good enough for someone with good conditions, do you think such friends really count as friends? Why must you be urged to find a partner?

If you're looking for a partner, you can try posting some information or going on a blind date in the city.

When you're ready to find the right person for you, you can also try logging in to a formal dating app. There's no need to rush into anything. Our lives are not a task, after all. We can enjoy the scenery along the way and take our time to experience it.

If your friend thinks you're not worthy of being a great person, it's possible he's misjudged you. He hasn't respected your choices, so you might want to think about whether he's a good friend. If there are people who make you feel bad, insecure, or even worthless,

If that's the case, you might want to consider limiting your time with them. They're not going to help you improve, and they'll probably make things worse. It's important to filter out the unnecessary noise and people in your life. You need to focus on being happy and working towards your goals. If you're struggling with anything, I suggest you speak to a therapist.

ZQ?

Dear questioner, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to say hello and let you know that I'm thinking of you.

I'm sending you a hug from afar, hoping it brings you a little warmth. It's likely you suffered a great deal of pain and anxiety as a child due to your parents' expectations and as a teenager due to being excluded by your friends.

It is admirable that you are attempting to shed your pleasant persona, which is a commendable endeavour in itself.

And now, you are being urged by friends to find a partner, and you have even been belittled, saying that you are not good enough for someone with good conditions. This kind of language has undoubtedly caused you deep hurt again. You feel your heart ache, as if you were transported back to those bad memories, and you feel like trash.

I can imagine this kind of emotion is really heavy and saddening.

I would like to suggest that you recognize your own value and charm. While your past experiences have been painful, they have also contributed to your growth and maturity.

You deserve to be loved and respected, so perhaps it would be helpful to try not to let other people's words make you doubt yourself.

I believe in you. You are stronger and better than you think. In the days to come, whether it is sunny or rainy, please keep smiling and forge ahead.

You deserve all the good things in the world, including becoming a more confident and self-loving person.

You might find it helpful to read Inferiority and Transcendence.

While the book does focus on low self-esteem and how to overcome it, it also provides insights into self-knowledge and self-acceptance. Reading the book can help readers gain a better understanding of the root causes of their low self-esteem and learn how to overcome it, which can in turn boost their confidence and help them love themselves more.

The Courage to Be Disliked

The book touches on the ways in which one might gain happiness and self-confidence through a dialogue between a "youth" and a "philosopher." It gently encourages readers to consider the importance of self-acceptance and courage, suggesting that facing one's imperfections with bravery might lead to a path towards personal happiness.

I hope this message finds you well.

Hello, questioner! I'm Si Meng'er, your answerer.

Your friend wants you to find a partner, but what he really means is that you don't think you're good enough for someone with good qualifications, so you should hurry up and settle for someone similar and get married. So you feel like you're not up to par.

Regardless of what he said, just look at how you interpreted it. You think you're worthless and don't deserve someone with good conditions. Does that make you a bad person?

You're not worthy of someone with good conditions. You can be with someone with average conditions, or someone with slightly better conditions. If he says you're not worthy of someone with 90 points, you feel like you're worth 0 points. Is it possible that he thinks you're worthy of someone with 60, 70, or 80 points? In that case, you're still not bad.

It seems like you either see yourself as close to perfect or worthless. In other words, you feel worthless when no one says you're perfect. Being an ordinary person isn't an option for you.

Your friend may think he's just an ordinary person, and he probably sees you as the same. He probably just wants to find an ordinary person to marry, and he doesn't see the need to find someone with particularly good conditions. Wouldn't this better reflect your friend's true meaning, rather than him thinking that you are worthless?

From what you've told me, it seems like you don't think you're as good as someone with good conditions. That doesn't mean you're perfect, but it also doesn't mean you're worthless. You can speak, write, walk, use a mobile phone, reflect, etc. You can't be said to be worthless. Being able to think actively shows that you also understand some psychology, which is better than the average person. So your true situation may be better than average, not the two extremes: perfect and worthless.

Once you understand your true situation, you can let go of your old, unfair ideas about yourself. It's normal to have thought you were perfect or worthless for a long time, so it's not easy to change. Start by accepting your strengths and weaknesses. Then, compare yourself to others or ask them about your abilities. See how you measure up in terms of housework, dressing, and appearance. You might find that you're average in most areas and excel in some. This could make you better than average in some ways. Once you know yourself better, you can confirm what kind of person you are and have a clearer perception of yourself. You're unlikely to feel bad about yourself because of one or two comments from others.

Hello!

I totally get it! Being disliked by family members and being excluded and marginalized by friends has a really negative impact.

For this reason, I'm excited to share some thoughts with you to consider:

The first step on the road to personal growth is to learn how to perceive and understand yourself. This is something you can do in the family, at school, and in society.

The questioner can grasp the negative emotions and behaviors in their personal growth, such as "suppressed by their parents when they were young, excluded by their friends in middle school, and finally managed to give up their pleasing personality." They can fully feel their own discomfort, helplessness, and anxiety. But here's the best part:

This is an amazing process where the subject becomes aware of themselves, gets to know themselves, and then—get this—they can even accept themselves in a positive way!

This is also a great way to learn how to manage your emotions and improve your behavior. It's a fantastic step towards making positive changes!

In school and social life, everyone is always in one or more groups, including classmates and friends. And it's great that everyone in each group has a sense of boundaries!

Even if you're friends, it's important to be mindful of how you express yourself in your interactions. What you say can have a big impact on your sense of boundaries, so choose your words wisely!

Or if you overinterpret and amplify the content of interactions, it is also easy to form an unclear impression of boundaries.

This can lead to feelings that are difficult for you to accept, such as the negative emotional experience described by the questioner: "It felt like my heart had a sharp pain, and those bad memories of feeling like trash came back." But here's the good news! You can learn to manage your emotions and overcome these challenges.

Emotional changes are often accompanied by cognitive biases, which often lead to negative thoughts. But here's the good news: you can take control of your thoughts and change your emotions!

As the questioner describes, "Today, my friend urged me to find a partner, meaning that I am not good enough for someone with good conditions, so I should hurry up and find someone similar to get married." These situations, which are obviously not comprehensive or objective, have brought you very strong negative emotions. But, you can turn this around!

The Rosy Inkblot Test in psychology is a great illustration of the fascinating principle of projection. It shows us that everyone's unique interpretation of that piece of ink is a fascinating projection of their own inner thoughts!

From the use of ink to interpersonal relationships in life, it's amazing how often we project our thoughts and feelings onto specific people and things. This can cause inconsistencies with the facts, but it also gives us the opportunity to recognize and overcome cognitive biases.

Once you've established this understanding, you can start to dispel the shadows of being hated by your family and being excluded and marginalized by your friends. And you don't just need to gain a new understanding of your family of origin, personality tendencies, and even psychological disorders, you also get to analyze and face each situation individually!

For example, when it comes to improving your interpersonal relationships, it's a great idea to start with simple communication with people you know and then branch out to talk to more and more people!

It's so important to realize that through good communication, you can get all kinds of useful information about your own life and relationships. This is really crucial for feeling integrated, adapting to life, avoiding being marginalized, and building up your self-confidence.

I also highly recommend reading some psychology books on interpersonal relationships or self-growth to supercharge your interpersonal expertise!

I highly recommend Dale Carnegie's "The Psychology of Human Relations." It's a classic psychology book that explores the behaviors and psychological motivations of people in interpersonal relationships and the workplace.

This book is packed with practical tips on how to build positive relationships with others, communicate effectively, and resolve conflicts.

However, if you've tried self-correction, increased communication, and improved professional knowledge and they haven't had the effect you were hoping for, it's time to seek further support and assistance from a professional counselor!

They can provide you with more professional and specific advice and help through cognitive behavioral therapy and other methods, which I'm sure you'll find really helpful!

I really hope the above is of some help to you!

Hello, I'm Zeyu.

To answer the question of "how to eliminate the shadow of being disliked by family members and being excluded and marginalized by friends," let's start with what happened today.

The reason you're feeling this way is that a friend is pushing you to find a partner. What they're really saying is that you're not good enough for someone with good conditions, so you should hurry up and find someone similar to get married. When you're pushed by a friend to find a partner, it can feel like you're being pulled back to the past. I believe that being urged by a friend to find a partner is a fact, but I'm not sure if the friend is truly pushing you in this way. If they are, it's probably best not to pay attention to their words.

The reason we don't pay attention is that this person is being condescending and interfering with other people's choices. This isn't a wise or smart approach, and it'll make this person seem to have low emotional intelligence. The other person's words have inspired our memories of the past to a certain extent, and it seems as if we've returned to the past. However, please believe that this feeling is only temporary and not fixed because you've completed your transformation and growth through your own efforts. This is enough to prove that we're capable of dealing with the problems in front of us.

If the other person just "urges you to find a partner" and doesn't say anything else, we can assume they care. Even though they don't respect your feelings and needs, they have good intentions. In other words, the other person may not be telling you this with the intention of you finding a partner, but rather that they are facing this problem and have no way to deal with it, so they choose to dump their problems on someone else by projecting them outward. In that case, there is no need for us to pick up these problems that don't belong to us.

Let's go back to the question of how to get rid of the shadow of being disliked by our families and being excluded and marginalized by our friends. In terms of the shadow, we can try to see the abilities and achievements we have in the present, see the price we have paid to change the status quo, face ourselves, see those who love us, see the beauty and hope in life, and if possible, please allow yourself to lose control and allow yourself to be taken back to the past.

We can't change what's already happened, but the past doesn't define our future. Our future is in our hands right now. If we want to live better, we can try to take more control of our lives. If we look at things from different perspectives, we can examine issues more closely and distance ourselves from their impact.

I'll give you a warm hug! You felt disrespected, belittled, rejected, and denied.

What do you think?

Being belittled, denied, and attacked by someone you trust can make you feel strongly aggrieved, angry, and twice as hurt. Her unconscious verbal behavior also triggered the trauma of being suppressed, disliked, denied, and isolated by your parents and classmates.

Think about what you need. Maybe you need to be accepted, respected, or encouraged.

When you understand why you feel hurt, you will be more accepting of your anger. Then, express your feelings so your friend knows how his words affect you.

You can't control how others treat you, but you can protect yourself when they make you feel uncomfortable. Speak up when you feel hurt. Your attitude in response to being hurt is your boundary in the relationship.

What do you think?

Although you have moved on from the traumatic events of being rejected by your parents and classmates, the harm caused by these events is still there. At the time, you did not have the emotional resources to respond. You chose to suppress and hide your emotions, and you would constantly rationalize that you were treated this way because you were not good enough.

You are constantly growing and healing because of your awareness. This part of the trauma is part of you. You cannot get rid of it, but the pain from others does not mean your awareness is useless. It just takes time. Trauma hurts, but it also protects you and reminds you that others have hurt you.

What do you think?

Don't let others make you doubt yourself. Learn to accept yourself and build self-confidence.

Make a list of your strengths. Write at least ten on a piece of paper. For each strength, write a specific thing you have done. Record everything you have done that day that makes you and those around you happy.

When you accept yourself, you can see your strengths and weaknesses and believe you are good enough to be treated well.

Read "Embrace Your Imperfect Self" and "Dialogue with Your Inner Fear."

Hello, questioner. I was accused of suppressing others from a young age, so I had to hide myself and please my parents and those around me. That was the only way to protect myself. I finally got away from pleasing others and am now brave and myself. But today, a friend's words have activated the trauma in you. You've returned to that helpless and insecure self.

He was suppressed by his parents since childhood, so he never got any praise, even though he performed excellently. In this environment of constant indifference and suppression, we may naturally think that we are worthless, bad, and unworthy of love. Therefore, in order to gain the love and recognition of our family, we learn to read faces and bodies and cater to and please others during our growth process. At the same time, we project these feelings onto the external environment, thinking that everyone is the same and needs to be appeased and pleased.

You must accept that you are not responsible for anyone's emotions. You may have had to do this when you were young to ensure your safety, but you don't have to do it now. As an adult, you must remember that our role is not to pay attention to others and prevent them from having negative emotions. Our role is to have self-esteem, take responsibility for our actions and emotions, be true to ourselves, and complete an individual separation from our parents.

Today, whether your friend's words are intended to hurt you or are genuinely concerned for you, you must realize that the underlying reason you can be influenced by other people's words is your pride. Pride makes you not want to be denied or rejected. Or it touches a sensitive area inside us, so saying this will inevitably make you think, "Is what he said true? Am I really that bad?" and so it stirs up your old wounds. So what you need to do at this time is let yourself off the hook. Don't let those negative emotions fester inside. At this time, you should speak up about your grievances and your sadness. You can say directly to the other person, "I really feel bad. I don't think what you said was right."

You have every right to express your dissatisfaction and to be angry.

I remember a speaker giving a vivid example once: he crumpled up a twenty-dollar bill, threw it on the ground, and stomped on it. With each action, he asked the audience, "Who still wants this twenty-dollar bill?"

And every time someone in the audience says they want it, they do so because it's still that twenty dollars, it's still worth twenty dollars from beginning to end, and it hasn't lost its value.

Likewise, don't let others pressure you into thinking your value is less than it is. You are still you, and no matter what others say or do, your value will not change. So next time you hear something that makes you feel uncomfortable, think about this example, and you'll see that it doesn't matter.

Good day, my name is Tongyan.

You have previously indicated that during your upbringing, you were frequently suppressed by your parents and excluded by your friends, which led to the development of a personality that was oriented towards pleasing others. You have now achieved a state of emotional autonomy, yet a comment from a friend urging you to find a partner has caused you to regress to a state of emotional distress characterised by feelings of worthlessness.

The pain is so profound that the individual is driven to find a means of escape from the abyss of being treated with contempt and disregard.

It seems reasonable to posit that the desperate need to escape is driven by a desire for love, support, understanding, and affirmation.

It is unclear what this friend who is pushing for marriage means to you. Is he your closest friend? Or is he the closest person to you?

Your friend is attempting to persuade you to marry as soon as possible, asserting that it is unlikely you will find a superior partner today and that it is acceptable to settle for an individual who is merely adequate for a long-term relationship.

It is possible that your friend's words activated a suppressed and belittled self within you, reminiscent of past experiences where you felt useless.

You have indicated that you have overcome your tendency to ingratiate yourself. However, it is unclear what the future holds for your relationship with this friend. Will you continue to ingratiate yourself with him, or will you be able to be your true self in front of him?

How to interpret your friend's words? It is possible that different perspectives may yield disparate interpretations.

From the perspective of your friend, your expectations regarding a partner and the nature of a relationship may be perceived as unrealistic. From a realistic standpoint, your friend is aware that the stability of a relationship and a stable family structure are of greater importance and benefit to you.

It is possible that your interactions with friends reflect the patterns you observed in your parents and other friends during your formative years.

This also implies that your heart may be more accustomed to this mode of interaction from your early years. When you were with your friends, the projection and identification between you placed your friends in a

It is important to note that one's parents often serve as the primary evaluators and sources of belittlement in one's life.

It seems reasonable to posit that, regardless of the reason, this incident has provided the subject with a degree of perspective and insight into their true inner needs. It may be the case that the factors preventing the subject from experiencing exclusion and suppression originate from within themselves.

It is human nature to be resistant to change, particularly when it involves the introduction of new patterns or behaviours.

A child who has not been able to grow up in a loving and supportive relationship typically requires a period of loving and supportive relationships before they can learn to love.

In the absence of a supportive relationship, it may be beneficial to consider becoming the primary source of love and support for the child.

It is recommended that the individual in question be affirmed, accepted, permitted to retain imperfections, permitted to make mistakes, and permitted to be judged. Regardless of how the individual is perceived by others, the child will always be regarded as precious.

When an individual is able to gradually embrace their identity, understand their personal attributes, and cease relying on external evaluations to assess their worth, they have attained a sense of self-power.

As an individual's sense of self-worth and self-confidence grow, the boundaries between oneself and others become increasingly defined. The influence of external opinions and comments on one's sense of self diminishes. This enables individuals to develop the strength and resilience to avoid the trap of self-doubt and worthlessness.

It must be acknowledged that this is not an easy task, and it requires a significant investment of time and a high level of self-awareness and self-acceptance.

If one is frequently distressed by such matters, it may be beneficial to engage in counseling. In a supportive psychological counseling session, it may be more conducive to finding the strength within oneself and experiencing a different way of love.

I wish you the best of success.