How does one learn to be alone? Does it mean just being by oneself?

I believe the questioner is good.

From what you say, I sense a feeling of loneliness, particularly at night, and a desire for a connection with others. Could it be that you are seeking a loving connection?

On the one hand, you may be wondering how you can learn to be alone.

On the other hand, it seems that you may find it challenging to be alone, and you are wondering if learning how to be alone is something you truly need.

In my experience and practice,

If we are open to accepting our imperfect selves and learning to love them unconditionally (especially when we can see, accept, and allow ourselves to express the so-called "bad" parts of ourselves, such as

When we experience negative emotions like sadness, vulnerability, powerlessness, jealousy, or anger, we tend to focus on external factors and neglect our inner selves. Gradually, we learn to listen to our inner voice, spend time with ourselves, and even fall in love with the process of self-care. As we continue this journey of self-discovery, we may find that our inner selves become more complete and powerful. When our relationships with ourselves become harmonious, it can positively influence our relationships with others.

Please don't worry. Take your time. This process can take a while, and everyone's journey is different. It has already begun, even if you're just thinking about it. It might be helpful to start by taking care of your body and emotions. I wish you the best.

The original poster brings up a really interesting topic. It's something many of us have probably experienced. When we're alone, we feel lonely, so we look for ways to connect with others or engage in activities that will make us feel better and less isolated.

What is "true" solitude? It seems like the questioner already has an idea in mind, but he's not sure if it's right. As he says, solitude is being alone, but it also depends on the kind of space you're in, whether it's open or relatively closed.

Open spaces like classrooms, playgrounds, sports fields, shopping malls, cinemas, streets, etc. are considered solitary when you're alone in these environments. It's only in our subconscious that we're aware of the social rules that govern our behavior in these environments. Many things may be considered "not allowed" because we're afraid of being seen by others. For example, loitering in public places can easily cause you some unnecessary trouble, so you can just look around or sit there. Of course, you can also do some sports or activities, like playing ball games.

On the other hand, when you're home alone or in your room, it's also a time of solitude. But at this time, you have a certain degree of privacy, so you don't have to worry about being seen by others. For example, you can just lie there without caring about what others will see or say. At this time, you'll generally do things you like, such as playing games, drawing, listening to music, watching movies, or studying. There are many things you can do.

Solitude is a concept that can mean different things in different environments. Even when we're alone, we all do different things depending on who we are, what time it is, and where we are. Solitude is something that usually happens in adulthood. It's when we have the ability to live independently and take care of ourselves. We can use daily equipment to buy food, cook, and do laundry by ourselves. We can study, go to work, and sleep normally without the company of family members. In this case, we can call it independence.

Being alone is a natural extension of being able to live independently. It's a sign that you're growing up and becoming mature. Only then can you be given more responsibilities, create greater value, and be of greater help to yourself. If you need the company of family members to do everything and can't do it independently, you won't be able to be given corresponding responsibilities, won't be able to generate sufficient social value, and it'll affect your normal lives.

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug from all of us.

From your brief question, I can tell that you are confused. It seems that you are trying to be alone, but it is making you more anxious.

Secondly, could you please elaborate on what kind of state solitude should be in, or what kind of state is considered solitude when one is alone?

Firstly, let's discuss the first point. You mentioned that people have to learn to be alone, which I understand to be your opinion rather than your own experience.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on being alone.

Different psychological theories suggest that everyone has a unique personality, and that some people thrive in lively environments while others prefer solitude. There is no right or wrong, so it would be interesting to explore whether people could benefit from learning to be alone.

I believe this varies from person to person. Could I also ask how long it takes to learn to be alone?

I wonder if you might have heard this saying before: loneliness is an individual's carnival, and carnival is a group of people's loneliness.

It is worth noting that even when we are surrounded by others, we still have a significant amount of time to spend alone. It is also important to acknowledge that loneliness is a natural human experience.

In the book Loneliness: A Return to Self, the author posits that when we go to sleep at night, we are, in a sense, alone. While there are various theories about the purpose of spending nearly one-third of our time sleeping every day, one of the most important functions of sleep is to allow people to have time alone, so that brain cells can use this time to integrate.

In other words, it could be said that the ability to be alone is something we humans are born with. Even if we don't deliberately practice being alone and go be alone, we still spend a lot of time alone.

It seems that you are learning to embrace solitude. In today's fast-paced world, it's not uncommon for individuals to feel overwhelmed by their schedules, and many find comfort in seeking moments of rest and relaxation after work. If you live alone, you may find that a significant portion of your time after work is spent alone.

I recall that many years ago, when I was working in Guangdong, I often returned to the dormitory after work on Friday and left for work on Monday morning. I spent the entire weekend alone in the dormitory for two days and three nights. I usually occupied myself with American dramas, reading books, cooking, sleeping, and typing.

In those days, the internet was still in its infancy, mobile phones were limited to feature phones that could only make calls, and the only way to connect with the outside world was through QQ and similar platforms. I wasn't particularly inclined to engage in online conversations with strangers. I was, perhaps, a bit of a homebody.

I must say, though, that I feel very comfortable with it, which I think may be related to my own personality, which tends to prefer tranquility to activity.

I sometimes wonder if the times have changed. In the past, we didn't tend to spend much time online. It's as if if we don't look at our phones for a while, we'll be forgotten by the world. We find it difficult to resist reaching for our phones. Our lives are also more colorful than before, but it seems there are more people who feel lonely and anxious.

I believe the main reason may be that we are all looking outward, wanting to see the outside world, wanting others to see us, and afraid of being forgotten. However, it might be helpful to consider looking inward, to ourselves, to communicate with ourselves.

I'm not sure of your age or circumstances, so I'll share my own experience in the hope it might be helpful.

As a first step, you might consider developing an intimate relationship, which could simply be defined as finding a partner. It is important to note, however, that this should not be done merely to avoid feelings of loneliness.

However, it is important to note that developing a long-term intimate relationship requires more than just a casual connection.

Secondly, it may be helpful to connect with your body. You might consider trying yoga, meditation, or exercise.

I believe that all of these things have the potential to help us feel more connected to our bodies and to our inner selves.

Third, consider writing. You may find it helpful to write down your life experiences or feelings. It's not necessary to be a skilled writer; simply putting pen to paper can be beneficial. Writing can be a healing process in itself.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider developing a hobby, such as painting, and finding people with similar interests. You might also benefit from working together to face challenges as a team.

You might also consider finding other ways to be alone. I would also suggest reading the book Loneliness: Return to Self.

You might also consider speaking with a counselor.

As a counselor, I often find myself navigating a complex inner landscape, where Buddhist teachings and depressive tendencies sometimes coexist. Despite these challenges, I am grateful for the world and the opportunity to connect with others.

Hello! You seem so real and lovely. Many people have been touched by your words. Many people online talk about the benefits of solitude, but few truly understand why we need to be alone.

Does chatting count as being alone? You're right.

Let me share my views on solitude.

I like to be alone outside of work. I don't like to socialize. I prefer to stay home. Even when I go out, it's to the park or the suburbs. Crowded places make me feel irritated.

I don't like being alone. I am not really alone when I am with my loved ones or close friends. Sometimes I go to the city to feel excitement and joy. Even when I am alone, I am not really alone. When I read a book, I am with the author and characters. When I listen to music, I am with the lyricist, composer, and characters. When I browse the Internet, I am with the world. On the YiXin platform, I am with the questioner and respondents.

People are social beings. They're always in contact with others and the world. Their existence is made up of relationships.

Even when doing yoga, meditation, or mindfulness exercises, you don't have to stop thinking. It's about connecting your body, mind, emotions, and the world. The mind is like a mirror, reflecting what comes to it. It doesn't resist or hide from what comes, but accepts it. This is the truth.

Being alone is more about your thoughts and feelings than about other people. You can be alone even if you're with someone. You can spend time alone thinking, feeling, and relaxing. You can be alone for a long or short time. As long as you have time to do these things, you are alone.

Solitude is about spending time with ourselves. It helps us understand ourselves, accept ourselves, and sympathize with ourselves. Even if our bodies stay the same, our spirits are renewed day by day.

Is counting as being alone when you are at home alone online with someone else? As long as you enjoy the interaction, feel nourished, and are not empty, bored, or lonely after, it is solitude. I am replying to you in words right now, but I have children sleeping around me, family members busy with their own things, and I am interacting with the questioner. Do I count as being alone?

I think it counts because when I type the words, I feel calm, joyful, and focused. I once wrote that writing words that heal others heals you too. While writing these words for you, I am also sorting and organizing myself. This is also being alone because I leave time for others and myself.

I hope this helps. Being alone is a way to retreat from the world. It doesn't take much to do your own grooming and purification. When you are alone, you can be by yourself, face one or more people, or be with characters from books, music, or your own fantasies. There is no need to be bound by any form. Just do what you like. If you like chatting, then just chat!

Who says chatting is vulgar and reading, drinking, and music are refined? There's wisdom in every aspect of life. If you stay alone for too long, you'll become depressed.

Go to an ordinary home! Connect with nature, smell the flowers, everything is spiritual.

Best wishes!

Hello, question asker! I'm Jiang 61.

Thanks so much for trusting us and being willing to tell us what's on your mind so we can help you out and help you grow.

I'm not sure how old the questioner is now. After reading their self-description, I get the sense that they've always wanted to connect with others, but various opinions have made it difficult for them to do so. As a result, they're feeling anxious.

If you're interested in learning more about loneliness-11168.html" target="_blank">solitude, I'd be happy to give you an overview.

1. Loneliness, anxiety, and solitude

1. Loneliness and anxiety

You said, "Everyone says that people must learn to be alone, but what does it mean to be alone? Does it mean that you have to be alone?"

Then I'm online chatting with people all the time. Would you say that counts as being alone?

Let me start by explaining what loneliness and anxiety are.

Loneliness

Loneliness is the feeling that you're the only one there, that no one gets what you're feeling, like everyone else is one, and you're alone. Loneliness is a strong longing, the feeling of that longing not being fulfilled, that makes people feel lonely.

There are two kinds of loneliness.

The other is when I feel really lonely.

If you feel lonely, you are truly lonely. Loneliness can hide many unmet needs that you're not yet aware of.

Another thing is when I feel like other people are lonely.

It's possible that people who think others are lonely aren't actually lonely themselves.

Anxiety

Anxiety is when you're really worried about the safety of your loved ones or your own future. It can make you feel impatient, worried, sad, tense, panicky, and uneasy.

Anxiety is basically a fear of losing control.

Anxiety can be broken down into three main categories, from most to least intense. The first is uncertainty, the second is a sense of losing control and feeling incomplete, and the third is fear.

2. Being alone

Psychologist Kosh defines solitude as "a state of mind that is open, free, and aware when there is no direct contact with others in a specific time and space."

True solitude isn't about being alone or in a crowd. It's about having an independent and rich mind and spirit so you can explore the world peacefully from within.

True solitude is peaceful. It's being the only person in the world, free to let your thoughts wander and enjoy the feeling of being one with the world.

2. Your current state of mind

1. Feeling lonely

You say, "I've been feeling pretty lonely lately, so I've been chatting with people online, but then I read that people need to learn to be alone."

You say you've been feeling lonely lately, so you go online to chat. This shows that you're looking for a way to connect.

When you chat online about feeling lonely, someone suggests that the best way to overcome it is to learn to be alone.

Is solitude really the answer to loneliness? I don't think so.

True solitude is about being alone, whether you're alone or in a crowd. Your mind and spirit are independent and full. You can explore the world peacefully without seeking salvation from the outside world. In other words, you can accomplish what you want to do without being connected to other people.

True solitude is peaceful. In his eyes, the whole world is just himself. In this world, he can let his thoughts fly and enjoy the thrill of being one with the world.

It's clear that when you're on your own, you feel anxious, restless, and so on. At least for now, your mind and heart aren't ready to be independent and can't handle being alone.

2. Anxiety when alone

You say, "But when you're alone, it's especially easy to think nonsense. I have some anxiety, especially at night, when no one talks to me. I'm especially anxious. I can't get anything done. I just want to chat with someone."

It's evident that your loneliness stems from some form of anxiety. This anxiety could be a desire for connection with others or a fear rooted in concerns about the future. It's only when you're alone that you lose that connection with others or feel insecure about some worry or uncertainty about the future that you start to daydream. Especially at night, if there's no one to talk to, you become particularly anxious and can't do anything but want to chat with someone.

When you want to chat with someone, you want to draw them into your world so you can get feedback and interaction on your thoughts, and so they can see and feel you. That's how you feel secure. But people who are alone are strong and secure within, and they don't need the care or attention of others, nor do they need to communicate with others. What they need is to keep their own world calm so they can have a better dialogue with themselves and understand themselves better.

3. What's behind loneliness and anxiety?

Loneliness and anxiety both show that something's wrong inside, that you're afraid, and that you need something you're not getting. What is it you need? When you feel lonely, you go online to chat, and when you feel anxious, you hope that someone will talk to you so that your mind can be at peace.

The thing they have in common is that you're missing that human connection, so you feel insecure, irritable, and fearful. You need someone to talk to and soothe your anxiety.

But this is just the surface-level need you've shared. Is there a deeper need that hasn't been met?

People with an insecurity complex usually want to connect with others. This is often related to their childhood experiences. If they received a lot of love and care from their parents when they were growing up, they will feel secure and be able to handle any situation with ease, and live a comfortable life.

If you want to be alone, you have to be strong. You have to find out why you're feeling anxious and lonely.

3. How can you gradually get used to being on your own?

What should the state of truly learning to be alone be like? If I'm someone who can't be alone, do I have to learn to be alone?

1. Being alone is a skill.

Winnicott once wrote an essay about the ability to be alone. He said that being alone is a skill.

He says that a person's ability to be alone is based on how they felt when they were an infant or young child, in the presence of their mother.

Every child needs to feel attached to their mother or other important caregivers in the early years of life, especially before the age of five. If they feel safe, they won't worry that their mother will leave them.

He'll start to explore the world with his mom around, like touching the chairs in the house or joining in with his friends' games.

The child gets all this done without the mother's help, but she's there if he needs her, so he can play without worrying. This shows he feels safe inside.

Before the child turns five, the mother gives her a sense of security and a sense of self. With these two things, the child has a secure attachment to his mother.

The ability to be yourself without relying on the outside world.

So, being alone is something you can learn to do if you have a secure attachment to your family.

2. Moving from passive companionship to solitude

Not everyone can get this kind of secure attachment from their parents or other people who look after them. What should they do if they are in the same situation as the person who originally posted this? The answer is passive companionship.

Passive company

Passive companionship is when you're watching TV and your friend is doing homework or playing cards, and you're both silent but aware of each other. Another example is when you're shopping in a mall and you don't know anyone around you, but you still feel secure. Or when you're eating in a restaurant and the people around you don't need to talk to you, but you feel more at ease with them there.

Passive companionship is all about creating a safe and comfortable space where you can explore your senses and discover your true self. Over time, you'll find you don't need this specific environment because you've adapted to it and found your true self in it.

Set up a space where you can be alone and get used to it.

In your own home, create a separate space that's just for you. Spend a little time alone in this space every day, doing whatever you want.

As you get into the habit of doing things, you can gradually increase the amount of time you spend alone. There's no need to set a fixed period; just gradually get into the habit of being alone.

3. Being alone

The best gifts our parents can give us are a sense of security and the ability to be alone, so that we can become our own person. Being alone is the best way to test the results of their parenting.

If we can't get this best gift, we can get it through other methods, like passive companionship, and we can make up for it ourselves.

We get that no matter how close the relationships around us are, we ultimately need to separate and live independently in our own little world. Previously, we gradually found security in passive companionship and adapted to this solitary environment.

Now we can start organizing our thoughts, moving on from all our social roles, and spending time with ourselves in ways that work for us.

The questioner wants to be able to be alone without feeling lonely or anxious, so they should just give it a try. Being able to be alone is valuable for everyone.

This is the best way to figure out who you are.

I hope the questioner finds happiness!

Yesterday 134 reads

Lately, I've been feeling pretty lonely, so I've been chatting with people online. But I've also read that people should learn to be alone. But when I'm alone, I get all kinds of crazy thoughts in my head. And I get anxious, especially at night. I get really anxious when no one is there to talk to me. I can't get anything done; I just want to chat with people. Everyone says that people should learn to be alone, but what does it mean to be alone? Do you have to be by yourself?

If I stay home and chat with people online all the time, does that still count as being alone?

What does it really mean to learn to be alone? If I'm someone who can't be alone, do I have to learn to be alone?

01:

I think the original poster's question is really interesting, and I often get confused about it, too! When I read the definition of solitude by the psychoanalytic master Winnicott, I felt a sense of resonance.

What it felt like to me then was that being alone is not being alone, but rather being free from external influences, whether in the company of others or alone. When you're alone, you're not lonely because of the outside world, and when you're with other people, you still feel like you exist, that you're valuable and connected to other people. It's a wonderful feeling!

Right, it's when there's someone you feel connected to and you feel safe.

02:

I'd really love to write a great article or a good Q&A and get your appreciation or the appreciation of others. I'm feeling especially lonely at the moment and I'm worried that no one will accept and support me.

I don't deserve it, but I'm trying!

You see, I feel that if I communicate with people in this state, it is particularly lonely.

But there is another feeling I really hope you and I can have. It's similar to the feeling of being with your mother. I'm not talking about being with an adult mother, which can be really hard.

It's such a comforting feeling, like a baby sleeping peacefully in its mother's arms.

I'd love to know what you think would happen if you were in such a state! When I think about it, I feel a great sense of security and safety, and I always have someone to rely on.

If you think about it, this also applies to the inside of a person, to their personality. It means that there is someone there for you, that you are not alone. You feel secure.

You see, it's really not so lonely at all!

So, whether you feel lonely or not, it's not about whether there's someone outside, whether they're good or bad, or whether they're friendly or not. It's about whether there's someone inside you who loves you.

03:

I'd love to know how you think the feeling of not being alone came about. You can see how my thoughts came about above. It comes from the interaction between mother and child and from psychoanalytic observations.

The wonderful "Bible of Modern Psychoanalysis" says that Winnicott described separation and security as several stages.

The first stage is when babies are totally dependent on their mummies. They don't have a sense of self yet, and things like self-esteem don't exist.

You give yourself completely to your mother, and your mother's existence is your existence. Isn't that a beautiful thing? Psychoanalysis calls this the symbiotic phase.

There's no "you" and "me," sweetheart. You are me.

The second stage is called "relative dependence." It's a bit like separation anxiety.

You're not the same person I knew before. I need to give you some space. I'm sure you'll understand that I need to protect you.

I feel a bit lonely, too! At this time, he needs another person to give him a hand, such as his father, to let him feel that he is safe and go active to his heart's content.

Let's explore the darkness together. I'll share a little bit of the feeling of coming out of loneliness.

To come out, you've got to have the strength of a father to take over. But this also has something to do with the Oedipus complex and the nature of social tasks. I'd like to save this point for last, if you don't mind.

The third stage is moving towards independence. And what a wonderful thing it is when a person is able to be self-sufficient on the inside!

Of course, this isn't set in stone. At first, little ones aren't separated from their environment, so they need that external reflection.

And when a baby can distinguish between the outside world and his own inner world well, it's like they're less likely to be overwhelmed by external things. They know that they're good, that they know how to get love, and how to face setbacks.

This is what I call independence. It's the first step to not feeling lonely and the foundation for learning how to be alone.

Of course, the above is just one theory of how relationships between two people work. This part of the research on mother-infant relationships is conducted before the age of 3. Later on, other issues and relationships cannot be explained by dyadic relationships.

Solitude also requires more strength here.

04:

Once you've got that all-important dyadic relationship down pat, you're ready to move on to the triadic relationship, which Freud called competition. This is a really important stage in male-female relationships.

Erikson's developmental theory also shows us that the age of 6 to 12 is a time when kids are learning to overcome feelings of inadequacy. It's so important for them to feel supported by their friends and to have positive experiences in social situations.

And what Erikson said about identity is really important too.

So the latter is really about independence, rather than solitude. Independence has a social flavor, while solitude can be a simple state.

But if you can't do independence well, how can you be alone? I'm sorry, I wish I could explain it better, but I'm not sure I can.

Once a mother gives a child a sense of security, the child takes the good parts of the mother and makes them their own, so they never feel lonely. This is an ideal state, or perhaps we can say it is a temporary state.

It's the perfect place to start building the skills we need to be able to be alone when we need to be. But it's not like we're stuck with no way to learn these skills. We can always learn new ways to be alone when we need to be.

But don't worry! You can always go back to that environment and reclaim it.

The theory of influence says that when the environment is good enough, you'll be happy enough to grow up happily. It's all about the interaction between environment and personality!

So, back to the question from the original poster: What if you can't be alone? Don't worry! Just start by choosing an environment and an atmosphere that make you feel good, whether it's people or objects.

I'd like to share with you a lovely little piece from Winnicott's original text about solitude.

It's only when the baby is alone (in the sense of being alone in the presence of others) that he can discover his own life. The opposite of this is a pathological life, a life based on reactions to external stimuli, a false life.

When the baby is in this state of being alone, and only when he is able to be alone in this way, he can be in a state that adults call relaxation. He can be in a state of nonintegration, without having to panic or struggle to cope with anything, without needing any direction. He just exists, and that's okay! He doesn't have to deal with the aggression of the external environment (the prerequisite for this is that he is protected by his mother and the external environment cannot harm him), nor does he have to actively do something.

This is a wonderful state of being at peace with one's true nature. In such a situation, the baby will experience a feeling or pulsation that feels really real to him. It's a truly special and personal experience.

"

Hello, world! I'm Hui Hui, and I just wanted to say that I love you. If it's not too much trouble, could you please pay attention to me? Thanks so much!

Hello,

I like being alone because I can do what I want and feel free. I don't like being with others because I feel uncomfortable and disturbed.

Talking to others is not solitude. Solitude is inner stability. You can do things alone and still feel safe. You enjoy freedom and quiet. You feel happy. You are rich at heart. You don't feel the panic and loss of loneliness. For those who enjoy solitude, this is happiness and joy.

If you can't be alone, you can talk to friends or spend time with family. These are all possible. In life, you will face separation. Learning to be alone can help you become more confident and mature.

I hope this helps.

Good day, question asker. It is a pleasure to meet you.

Given that your description contains the phrases "isolation-and-loneliness-11479.html" target="_blank">loneliness" and "solitude," it might be helpful to first look at the definitions of these two phrases.

Loneliness is a subjective feeling and experience of isolation and alienation from others or society, rather than an objective state. It can be seen as a form of self-imposed isolation from one's living space and state of existence. A lonely person may withdraw from social groups and live in a state of passivity.

?独处:

1. Live alone.

2. Living alone.

3. It could be said that being alone is also a kind of ability.

(From Baidu)

It might be said that loneliness and solitude are not the same thing. One might suggest that loneliness is more passive, while solitude is the opposite, being active.

When we are lonely, we may experience a range of challenging emotions, including feelings of loneliness, depression, anxiety, emptiness, helplessness, indifference, and even desperation. These feelings can be accompanied by a deep and lasting sense of spiritual emptiness.

There are three potential states when one is alone. One is to feel restless, adrift, and indifferent to one's circumstances, with a strong desire to escape loneliness. The second is to gradually adjust to loneliness, find a sense of stability, and establish a routine. The third is when loneliness itself becomes a fertile ground for creativity, prompting deep introspection and contemplation about existence, life, and the self.

(From Baidu)

Fromm suggests that while people may be able to endure a range of challenging experiences, such as hunger or oppression, it can be particularly difficult to cope with the pain of complete loneliness.

When one is lonely, it is natural to seek ways to combat the negative emotions that accompany that feeling. Many people find comfort in connecting with others, whether through chatting with friends or establishing new relationships.

Of course, this is just my guess. You may be feeling lonely, or you may just want to chat with friends.

Being alone is a choice, which means you have the option to choose to be alone or not. It's important to follow your heart and to consider whether being alone is something you truly want or need. Everyone grows and changes, and there will definitely be times when you can be alone. But more importantly, what does being alone mean to you?

Perhaps you would like to be alone to relax, to empty your mind, recharge your batteries, replenish your energy, or think. It might be helpful to give solitude a special meaning.

You always have the option of being alone or not, and you get to decide what that means to you.

You might be interested in reading a book called "One Hundred Years of Solitude."

Hello!

I don't know how old you are or what you do. You said you only recently felt lonely, so something must have happened. You can't stand being alone, and it's hard when you have to be on your own. I understand, and I hug you!

You said you don't know how long it's been, two weeks or a month. You don't want to be alone. You're afraid you'll start to daydream if you're left on your own. You look for someone online to chat with to reduce your anxiety and stop your mind from wandering. Many people have experienced this. But when there's something annoying, it's hard to calm down. Your mind just wanders. That kind of daydreaming makes people feel bad. If you can't stand it, find someone online to chat with. The internet is developed these days. Chat with other people to reduce your anxiety and pass the time. It's good. It's not a burden.

You're worried about becoming dependent on chatting with this online friend. You're always looking for online friends, so you can't calm down. But chatting with online friends is also limited in time. You can't chat with an online friend for a long time, so it doesn't become a burden. You may have also experienced that finding an online friend is not easy. You may not chat with a certain online friend for a long time.

If you have a very urgent request and you feel like people need to be alone, what should you do if you don't have the ability to be alone?

It doesn't matter if you can or can't be alone. We all have to face it, and no one can be with us all the time.

We can learn to get along with ourselves. When you're alone and can't stand it, chatting with online friends is a way to deal with being alone.

If you can find ways to be alone, you can also be alone when chatting online.

When we're alone, we can chat with online friends. But we also need to learn to be alone with ourselves. We can spend more time alone without looking for company. This helps us not to feel anxious. We can even enjoy thinking about things on our own.

If you're not anxious or burdened when thinking about things on your own, it means you're thinking about things that interest you. The more you think about them, the more excited you feel. So find something that interests you to think about.

When I'm annoyed, I read books I like. Now I'm answering questions, which I also like. I find I can achieve a state of flow when reading or answering questions. This helps me pass the time when I'm alone without feeling anxious. I really enjoy it and feel that time passes quickly.

Find something you're interested in! This will help you be alone.

If chatting with online friends makes you happy, that's good. Being alone in different ways can also make your life better. As long as you enjoy life and live in the present, it will get better.

Live with your heart! The world and I love you!

Good day, landlord. It appears that you are uncertain about the concept of solitude or lack the knowledge to occupy oneself when alone. In this communication, I aim to convey my sentiments on the matter.

The solitude that I understand and feel is being alone with oneself. If one does not feel lonely but is even content and comfortable, that is the optimal state of solitude. It should be noted that individuals differ in their preferences. Some extroverts naturally gravitate towards lively environments, and if they are left alone, they will experience discomfort and restlessness. Conversely, some introverts naturally prefer quiet environments, and if they are forced to interact with others or venture into lively settings, they will feel significantly fatigued and drained. Such individuals may find solitude more conducive to their well-being.

The question then arises as to why solitude can engender a sense of loneliness. Apart from personality traits, there are also work and life influences. When work is challenging and one is fatigued, both physically and mentally, solitude can lead to feelings of loneliness. Similarly, when one's social circle is comprised of individuals who are in relationships and have established their careers, feelings of loneliness and isolation can gradually emerge.

One strategy for mitigating feelings of loneliness when one is alone is to conceptualize solitude as a form of spiritual practice, emphasizing self-awareness. Being alone provides a unique opportunity to experience the present moment and to clear the mind of distracting thoughts.

The second option is to engage in an activity that aligns with one's interests, such as gardening, watching movies, listening to music, or exercising. By viewing this interest as a positive and enjoyable pursuit, a sense of ritual can be established. The third option is to pursue personal growth through reading, learning, and self-improvement.

Indeed, when one is alone, one has the opportunity to transform oneself into a source of pleasure. The key lies in one's understanding of solitude. If one perceives solitude as a state of loneliness, there is a high probability of experiencing feelings of loneliness. However, if one views solitude as a personal space where one can engage in activities of one's choosing, solitude can become a source of enjoyment rather than loneliness.

It is my hope that these insights will prove beneficial to you, and I extend my best wishes for a happy life.

Perhaps we could consider learning to be alone.

If I might make a suggestion,

It is certainly possible to feel at ease when alone.

It is a common misconception that being alone equates to helplessness, anxiety, impatience, restlessness, or even worry and fear of solitude.

You may choose to fill this process with activities, or you may prefer to do nothing at all. Even if you just sit there and think, that is perfectly acceptable.

It might be helpful to remember that your emotions when you are alone are no different from other environmental states.

It might be beneficial to consider learning to be alone.

Perhaps we could consider what it means to be alone. It could be seen as being left alone, or feeling lonely.

And we should not forget that the person who accompanies us the longest is ourselves.

If we don't always have the company of others, learning to be alone can help us face many things.

If you find yourself in a situation where you have no choice but to face yourself,

If you are in a good state when facing yourself, just as you normally are, whether you are with others or not,

This solitude is of high quality and has a good sense of experience.

However, in the Internet era,

In light of the questioner's question, if you feel that you are someone who cannot be alone, it might be helpful to consider that, as long as you can solve this problem for yourself,

You don't necessarily have to do it alone.

That's just my perspective, though.

It is not uncommon for people who learn to be alone to be, to some extent, unaware that they are in a state of solitude.

For instance, activities such as reading, studying, practicing a musical instrument, and pursuing personal growth can also contribute to this sense of solitude.

It could be perceived as a form of solitude, as it is often more convenient for individuals to engage in these activities alone. However, from a mental perspective,

Every minute, there is the opportunity to connect with something, to become absorbed in it, and to enjoy the sense of fulfillment that comes from making your own decisions.

Perhaps a sense of fulfillment could be found in arranging the content of your life and the rhythm of things yourself.

It is also possible that they simply forget they are alone and become absorbed in something else.

It is also important to learn how to be alone, but not in a way that is isolating.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to arrange a good schedule and find someone to chat with, and if you are mentally satisfied and happy,

Perhaps it is not necessary to be overly concerned with learning to be alone, doing your own thing, and not communicating with others.

I believe there is no need for concern in this regard.

If you are unable to satisfy the former, you might consider studying the remaining time and space.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider how one might arrange and dispose of things in a way that keeps oneself busy and fulfilled, even to the point of doing a good job of it, which might help to prevent feelings of loneliness or anxiety.

It can even help you feel happy and enjoy yourself.

If the result of learning to be alone is not happiness, joy, enjoyment, and satisfaction, it might be better to reconsider the value of this learning.

If you happen to feel these things in the process of being alone, without feeling any anxiety or daydreaming, then it would seem that there is nothing inherently wrong with learning to be alone.

Please feel free to refer to the above as you see fit.

Hello, question asker!

It's challenging to address your confusion about solitude in just 200 words. However, I'm confident I can shed light on the matter in my answer and show you how to embrace solitude when you feel lonely.

[There is a difference between positive solitude and negative solitude.]

You're right. Being alone is being alone. It doesn't matter if you're in a quiet room or a noisy crowd. As long as you're not with others and you're not interacting or communicating with anyone, you're alone.

We experience different emotions when we are alone in different situations. When we enjoy the quiet, can concentrate on what we are doing in the present, and are full of inspiration and creativity, then this is a positive kind of solitude.

If you feel anxious when you are alone, or are forced to be alone because you feel anxious around other people and are uncomfortable, then this kind of solitude is negative. Positive solitude is good for physical and mental health, while negative solitude can lead to depression.

[There are also happy things about being alone.]

If you want to learn to be actively alone, you must first accept your current state. Tell yourself that it's okay if you can't be calm and content when you're alone. Then, start with something you're interested in and cultivate some hobbies and habits.

When you are fully engaged in your interests alone, you will experience a state of flow, a feeling of inner freedom, and truly enjoy the pleasure of solitude.

Prioritize connection before pursuing solitude.

Your question is related to "learning to be alone," but the fact remains that we all have a need to connect with others before we can be alone. If this need is not met, it can be difficult to be alone.

You mention "chatting with people online" and "just want to chat with people." Clearly, your desire to connect with people is very strong. Online chatting may only temporarily relieve your desire for human connection. The only way to truly meet this need is through more social interactions and the building of intimate relationships in real life.

You will achieve positive solitude if you get enough connection in real life.

Ultimately, I hope the questioner can experience the joy of interpersonal relationships while also enjoying the freedom of solitude.

Good day, host. I am a fairy who works with whales as a social worker. I saw your question and wanted to send you a hug from afar.

From your description, I can understand your emotions, conflicts, anxiety, and desire to find a solution. Everyone perceives loneliness differently, and we are all connected. While loneliness is a natural part of life, it is not the only aspect of our existence.

We can help you to identify and understand the issues you are facing. Firstly, you may find it challenging to accept being alone. Secondly, you may hope that you can learn to accept loneliness. Thirdly, you may be wondering if you need to learn to be alone.

If I might make a suggestion, I believe that the solution to the first question and the second question will naturally emerge once the third question is understood.

Anxiety can be a natural response to the unknown. However, there is a way to overcome it. By studying the plasticity of the brain, we can gain insights into how to manage anxiety effectively. Rather than dwelling on the outcome of an event, we can use it as an opportunity to learn or make changes in other areas.

For the third question, learning to be alone is about learning to think independently and learning to grow and learn on your own. It's not just about being alone, and the opposite of solitude is not social interaction. Social interaction and solitude can coexist, and you may wish to consider reconciling the relationship between social interaction and solitude. There is no need to deliberately learn to be alone.

I hope you find this message helpful. Wishing you well, Yi Xinli, Whale Social Worker

Dear questioner,

I'm Kelly. Let's talk about loneliness and solitude.

Being alone is a physical state.

Loneliness is a state of mind.

[Loneliness]

As the questioner states, you are undoubtedly lonely. This is an internal state. In real life, it is evident that the questioner has many friends.

The questioner needs to establish whether he has a good relationship with his family.

How long have you been feeling lonely?

We all need to maintain relationships with others when we come to this world. If we have a good relationship with our family and a few close friends, we can reduce our sense of loneliness by confiding in them whenever we pick up the phone. We can trust and rely on them.

I experienced the greatest sense of loneliness when I was depressed and didn't enjoy being around people.

I don't contact my family or friends. When I feel lonely at night, I feel like I've been abandoned by the world.

At that time, I also refused invitations from others, including family members. I fell into a depressed mood. I simply didn't want to connect with others, and I liked being alone.

Loneliness like mine is a negative state of mind. It causes you to isolate yourself from others.

Over time, I developed depression.

[Get out of loneliness]

Once I recognized my emotional issues, I sought out a counselor and later studied psychology, which effectively helped me overcome my loneliness.

I have a few suggestions for the questioner.

1: We reach out to friends and find a few compatible friends to interact with. We chat occasionally and get together once a week.

2: Develop your own hobbies. Go to some social activities and choose according to your own interests. Try handicrafts, painting, music, etc.

3: Develop your reading habits, write articles and reviews, and enrich your mind.

4: Yixin offers a variety of channels for interpersonal interactions and mutual assistance. The questioner can develop the habit of coming to Yixin every night to find chat topics that suit them and interact with others online. There are many people here just like us, and with perseverance, we can emerge from loneliness.

[Being alone]

Someone said,

You have to learn to be alone. Being alone is being with yourself, seeing yourself.

Alone? I can handle it. Here are a few situations:

1: For example, when we are at home, at night, after my parents have gone to bed or my lover has gone to sleep, I choose to be alone. I read a book, write in my diary, or paint.

2: Being alone is a kind of ability. You face your own heart! You talk to yourself. You ask yourself what your mood is like today.

What happened? When I'm alone, I think things over.

3: After I got married, I had to face being alone every day, whether I was busy or not. I made the most of it. When the children went to school and my husband went to work, I studied, cleaned, listened to music, learned to cook, arranged flowers, and more.

4: Once my children left for university, I had more and more time to myself, which was likely a contributing factor to my depression. I deliberately distanced myself from society. (There needs to be a balance, and I have to find it. Being alone does not mean not interacting with others.)

5: Being alone means having the freedom to be undisturbed and unsupervised, to own a certain period of time and a certain space, and to be completely on your own.

When I got out of depression, I enjoyed spending time alone. I set aside time every day to study and enrich myself.

6: The questioner said they don't like being alone. I am certain that if you spend a long time alone, you will feel this way. Talking to others online is the best choice. There is no need to force yourself.

I am confident that my answer will inspire you.

In conclusion,

I'm sure you're well.

I love you, the world, and I love you too.

Hello! I just had to respond to your question because it really got me thinking. It's such an intriguing and good question!

You say that you are "especially prone to daydreaming when you are alone, and I have some anxiety, especially at night, when no one talks to me, I am especially anxious, I can't do anything, I just want to chat with someone." In fact, many people, including myself, feel the same as you. We love to communicate with others and feel more grounded in contact with others.

You ask if you "are someone who cannot be alone and must learn to be alone." It depends on what your true inner needs are. If the only thing you feel when you are alone is "anxiety,"

Then you don't have to force yourself to learn to be alone! But as you said, at night, you will have to be alone for a while.

In that case, it seems that you need to help yourself find some ways to help you better cope with your alone time. I noticed that you said you want to chat with someone when you are alone, so I have a few ideas for you! Try changing the chat partner to yourself, changing the method of chatting from speaking to writing, and chatting with yourself by keeping a diary and writing essays to see if it helps.

This is just my personal opinion, but I think it could really help you! Take care of yourself.

"I've been feeling a bit lonely lately, so I've been chatting with people online."

It would be beneficial to learn how to be alone. When one is alone, it is especially easy to daydream.

"I tend to feel a bit anxious at night, particularly when there's no conversation going on."

This is the host's description. I took the time to read it carefully and try to understand it as best I could.

I have the feeling that sometimes the host is lonely and longs to be cared for, protected, and understood. If there were someone to talk to at any time, someone who could understand and accept me, I would feel safe. I really need safety. I have times of confusion and long for a beacon in life to light the way forward!

"Random thoughts" ~ "particular anxiety": I have noticed that I experience feelings of anxiety when I have random images in my head. I understand that these random thoughts are just my imagination, but I feel that the feelings are very real. I find myself getting caught up in the emotions that my imagination brings on. At night, when I am alone and there is no one to talk to me, I find that the random images reappear, and I feel the need to chat with people online to try to get rid of them.

The host feels that people can't always be in the company of others. Everyone has their own things to do, and everyone has their own time to be "alone." The host is the same as everyone else: there are times when they are "together" with others, and there are also times when they are "alone." The host is also exploring whether they can be at peace when they are alone, and whether they can mindlessly do their own thing.

The host has taken the time to clarify his current state of mind. It seems that, for him, whether alone or with others, as long as he is at peace, he is fine.

How might the host improve his mental state? What challenges might the host need to address in his current life?

How might the host best utilize his resources and abilities to navigate life as it is?

I believe everyone has great potential and the endless power of life. Since you have been feeling lonely recently, perhaps it would be helpful to understand that this loneliness is only "for a period of time." I don't know about the days before recently, whether the host was "very good," then what has the host experienced recently, or why he feels this way.

I hope my thoughts might be of some help to the original poster.

I hope the poster will gain more confidence and hope! I wish you happiness every day!

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I am contacting you today regarding a query you posted on our website. Please let me know if this is not the correct way to contact you. Kind regards,

From your description, I have been experiencing feelings of loneliness lately, so I engage in online conversations with people.

I have also read that people need to learn to be alone. However, when one is alone, there is an increased likelihood of engaging in unproductive thought processes. Additionally, I experience anxiety, particularly at night when I am isolated from social interaction. This can impede my ability to complete tasks and lead to a desire to engage in conversation with others. While it is widely acknowledged that individuals must learn to be alone, the precise definition of solitude remains unclear. Does it necessitate being in the presence of others?

If I engage in online discussions when I am alone, would that still be considered solitude?

What should the state of truly learning to be alone be like? Should individuals who are unable to be alone learn to be alone?

⛺⛺⛺⛺

Humans are social animals. It is not feasible to live in isolation. We must interact with others to gain insight, support, and companionship. We must derive satisfaction from these interactions.

As Kahlil Gibran observed, the essence of life is in the mutual reflection between people.

It is therefore evident that a sense of community is a prerequisite for a fulfilling life. The questioner also stated that online chats are a normal part of life.

Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory identifies five levels: physiological needs, safety needs, social needs, esteem needs, and self-actualization. Humans have innate needs that can be classified into two categories: basic and unique. Basic needs are fundamental and similar to those of animals, while unique needs are specific to humans.

In addition, these needs are ranked in order of priority, with higher-level needs only appearing once lower-level needs have been satisfied.

The questioner inquired about the best practices for solitude and the nuances of what it entails.

What, then, is solitude?

My lifestyle may serve as a reference point.

I am not a sociable person, so I often engage in solitary activities such as exercising, reading, studying, cooking, and doing housework. I also communicate with friends online on occasion.

I find the process enjoyable, and I appreciate the opportunity to be alone. The process can be somewhat isolating, and it requires a certain level of resilience to spend extended periods alone. However, it is possible to expand one's horizons and engage in activities that provide a break from the routine. It is acceptable to go out and purchase necessary items, such as food or supplies.

Furthermore, we are flexible, and dogma is always dogma. Our primary objective is to achieve happiness.

My preference for solitude is based on my personal choice and is not a reflection of any inability to interact with others. If circumstances prevent me from pursuing this lifestyle, I accept that as a natural consequence.

Please describe the process.

How might one learn to be alone?

Enjoying solitude is an indicator of maturity.

Psychology posits that the capacity to be alone is a key indicator of an individual's emotional and emotional development and maturity.

When we are alone, we can engage in a more constructive dialogue with our inner selves and spiritual worldviews, leading to a deeper understanding of ourselves.

An understanding of oneself is essential for expanding one's horizons.

When we learn to be alone and enjoy being alone, we can gain insight into the distinction between our true self and our false self.

The true self is defined as:

You can recognize yourself intuitively, analyze your own behavior, and gain a sense of self-awareness. You will be able to distinguish between your true self and the persona you present to the world. You will have a clear sense of purpose and a calm, authentic demeanor.

The false self is the persona we present to the world.

In the same way that we adopt different roles in society during the course of a day, we also need to present a different persona in different situations.

If we consider that maintaining our ability to socialize, engaging in social interactions with the outside world, and meeting different people is essential for broadening our horizons.

Learning to be alone is a process that allows us to develop a stronger inner world, which in turn provides us with greater resilience, courage, and conviction.

The capacity to learn to be alone is the true meaning of maturity. This maturity is not contingent on age, but rather on an individual's inner maturity.

The preceding information was obtained from online sources.

It is important to be able to be alone and to be with others. It is possible to have both abilities at the same time.

I am currently behind schedule. I am grateful for the opportunity to work with you and the world.

Best regards,

Hello, questioner!

From your description, I can tell that you have a great ability to observe and reflect. I also applaud your courage in facing problems head-on—it's so admirable!

I'd love to know what happened to make you feel this way! The questioner said that they have been feeling lonely recently. I'd love to know what their state was like before that!

The questioner said that they are a bit anxious, so they chat with others online. They're looking for ways to embrace their own company! Is that right?

There are two fantastic things about being alone! First, there's the amazing feeling of being alone and feeling miserable. Second, there's the incredible feeling of being alone but feeling incredibly relaxed and at ease.

I'm really curious about why the questioner wants to be alone. And I'd love to know why they want to be alone even though they don't like being alone!

The questioner should take some time to reflect on themselves and their amazing potential!

When I saw the question, two things came to mind. The first is that I can totally relate to this feeling! When I was still in the pleasing stage, I was often alone, but I didn't like being alone. I always felt like no one liked me when I was alone. But then I studied psychology, and it changed everything! I'm not afraid anymore, and I even like being alone more. My feelings about being alone are: even if I'm alone, I'm comfortable; even if there are a lot of people playing together, I can still be comfortable when I can't contribute.

The second one is from "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychiatrist." The questioner can take a look. Everyone has their own deepest wounds, but the great news is that the only one who can heal them is ourselves!

So, questioner, you can be aware of what kind of life and feelings you want!

Nothing is absolute, so there's no right or wrong! It all depends on how you perceive it and how much you accept it.

Questioner, first, you need to be aware of why you want to be alone and what the benefits of being alone are. If you can't be alone, how are you going to deal with it?

If you want to be alone, I have some suggestions for you! I hope that in answering the question of how to be alone, I can also relieve negative emotions.

First things first: accept yourself!

The absolute best thing you can do for yourself is to become your own best friend!

If you want to learn to be alone, you must first learn to accept yourself, your good and your bad, and not compare yourself to others. Everything is so peaceful!

And the second thing you can do to learn to love yourself is...

Loving yourself is the most romantic thing in life! But, let's face it, our environment often gets in the way. When you awaken, though, you'll see that loving yourself is the only true and most romantic thing in this world!

And now for something really fun! Exercise!

When you exercise, your brain secretes dopamine, which produces a pleasurable process that will make you feel less lonely and help you face yourself better. And there's more! Getting used to running alone is also a kind of enjoyment, just like being alone.

And there's more! You can also seek help from a professional counselor.

There are so many ways to help yourself! You can read psychology books or attend workshops, which will help you break free from the shackles of your inner self and relax your mind.

Being alone is not about cutting off contact with the outside world. It's about calming and relaxing your mind!

Zhou Guoping said it best in his book When You Learn to Be Alone: When you learn to be alone, you can truly find the true meaning of life! And when you learn to be alone, you can truly become yourself!

Good morning,

It can be frustrating when we're told to "learn to be alone." It's natural to feel a bit confused when we're seeking understanding and companionship, and yet we're being told to "learn to be alone."

It seems that the form of chat described by the questioner is akin to a chat group, where one may feel that their worries are not being fully accepted, and that they are being given advice that they may not necessarily want to hear. It is understandable that this could lead to feelings of resentment.

If I might humbly offer my interpretation of the language behind "learn to be alone," it would be that you are worthy of love and should love yourself well.

When you are alone, you may feel a desire to engage in conversation with someone. The content of such a conversation might well be about your own anxieties and the things that cause them.

We are fortunate to be able to see the big picture, which is like the background of a painting. The whole world is closely connected via the internet, with WeChat, Weibo posts, videos, and updates all accessible on our palm-sized mobile phones, offering endless possibilities for information.

If I might make a suggestion, it would be to consider the idea of setting the pace. In our studies, work, and lives, it is often the case that we are led by the pace, and those who can control the pace are truly worthy of the title of king.

It may be the case that if most people are led by the rhythm, they may not have the opportunity to be your best listener.

How might you care for your soul?

One possible approach is to keep searching and maintain a high level of alertness in your thinking. This could eventually lead to finding the ideal listener. It's even possible that the perfect soul mate might appear right away. However, this approach might potentially lead to a certain degree of mental strain.

Perhaps it would be helpful to examine the situation from a different perspective. Option 1: It's possible that there is a considerable degree of compatibility between people, but it might not be realistic to expect a 100% perfect fit all the time.

Another option to consider is how to become one's own best listener.

Let's consider the potential benefits of Plan B in light of the current circumstances. When I was a child, I would often become distressed if I received a score of 98 on an exam. Even after reaching adulthood, I still struggled to comprehend the rationale behind this outcome. However, through self-reflection, I have come to accept the two points I lost. I had been overly focused on those two points, but a score of 98 is not a mistake. It is, in fact, a commendable achievement.

In the past, the response may have been the pressure of exams in social life and excessive family expectations. It is possible that this could result in a loss of identity due to external factors other than oneself.

There are inner paths, and listening to others can be a form of companionship. However, it is also possible to encounter individuals who are more reserved in expressing themselves or who react with stress to certain words.

Listening to yourself can help to boost your sense of security. Once you get involved, you may find that you reap the rewards of an increase in inner energy.

If you are able to embrace yourself and accept yourself, you will find it easier to listen to yourself.

It is still possible to gain self-worth even if you have rejected yourself.

If you are unable to find a suitable partner to listen to you when you are alone, it may be helpful to consider that this could be an environment that encourages and inspires us to learn.

It might be helpful to consider free, high-quality online resources such as the study-empowering app, Bilibili, and the dynamic circles on Yi Xin Li (many psychology enthusiasts are happy to share their reading experiences), as a kind of more focused book club. You might also find it useful to learn about some high-quality resources outside the platform from their sharing.

From this anxiety and a little anger, we can help ourselves understand that I am not lonely. I have myself and the path I want to choose. Perhaps it would be beneficial to open the window to let the sunshine in, and then comfortably and naturally come up with more good ways to relieve my inner distress.

P.S.:

I would like to suggest the book Finite Games and Infinite Games, which I feel may be of interest to you. It contains some thought-provoking ideas.