How should I celebrate my 13th birthday after four years of not having a proper birthday?

Hello? Question asker, I can discern a certain conflict in your emotional state from your description. Perhaps I could offer you a warm embrace?

1.

You resided with your grandparents until the age of nine, which would suggest that your parents did not spend a significant amount of time with you. You then lived with your parents, and your mother was very happy, believing that your arrival was the best gift she could ever receive.

2.

In the subsequent years, were you able to participate in birthday celebrations with your family? Did you perceive a lack of genuine affection and a sense of inauthenticity in these interactions? It is plausible that your parents' professional commitments limited their ability to devote time to you, leading to a disconnect in the emotional bond between you and your family.

3.

You inquired, "Mom?" Had you not awakened your sister? In that position, she was apprehensive that if your sister were to rouse, she would be compelled to resume her maternal duties. Perhaps your sister is still in the early stages of motherhood, and you may not fully comprehend the challenges associated with that role until you reach a similar age. When you express such sentiments, you are not genuinely content, as you do not consider your emotional state.

You believe that celebrating your birthday is an acceptable course of action.

4.

You perceive your mother to be biased, and this perception may be well-founded. Your mother stated that if you were to get divorced, you would live with your father. You are experiencing a profound sense of sadness. You do not feel his warmth when you are with your father, but rather feel awkward. I have also experienced this sentiment. I do not engage in more than ten words of conversation with my father per day, and I feel as though there is nothing to say. However, this does not affect our ability to coexist under the same roof. In today's rapidly evolving social landscape, it is not uncommon for there to be a significant generational gap.

5.

The desire for parental warmth and affection is often unmet due to the demands of supporting the family and raising children. Parents in China may lack the ability to express themselves and appreciate their children. Despite these limitations, they continue to demonstrate love and care for their children.

It is my sincere hope that the information I have provided has been of some assistance and inspiration to you.

Hello!

Your birthday is coming up. I'm sending you my best wishes. May you grow stronger and become immune to hurt and pain.

You're a Pisces, right?

Pisces is a sign with sensitive emotions.

Your parents don't get along, and your mother favors your younger sister. This makes you feel isolated and helpless.

You like the birthday gifts your mother has given you in the past. You want to face your relationship with your family more maturely. But you are a 12-year-old girl, and it is only natural that you need care, attention, and spiritual comfort.

I can tell you're unhappy with your family. You blame yourself for your feelings.

Talk to your parents about how you feel. Don't expect them to respond.

This is a big challenge. Your main challenge is to overcome emotional entanglements.

You've cried a lot. Keep crying if you need to.

Cry, but believe in hope. Tomorrow will be better.

If a mother doesn't know how to love her daughter.

Your body has billions of cells to keep you company through the night, your 13th birthday, and into the morning.

When you study, you can read Tang and Song Dynasty poetry. It's beautiful. Some poems are happy, some are sad, and some are about the country and people.

They may fit your emotions in different ways.

Good luck with your studies! Do what you enjoy.

Hello!

Your birthday is coming up. Congratulations on becoming an adult. I can sense your excitement and your worries.

You hope for a wonderful birthday, but don't think it will happen.

Don't trust your mother.

Your sister grew up with her parents, but you lived with your grandparents. You must have felt a lot of injustice.

Your younger sister has taken away your parents' love.

You are in your parents' bodies again, watching their love for you, even doubting it.

This is normal. Love alone isn't enough. You need to interact to care about each other.

Connect with your parents.

When you return to your parents, they will try to connect with you, but it may feel unnatural. This is normal. Even if you are a parent and child, if you are not together for a long time, there will be awkwardness. You will need to work on closing the distance between you.

Show your parents more concern, even physical contact. They won't be used to it at first.

Happy birthday!

What's your ideal birthday? With your parents or with friends?

How can you achieve this ideal?

Then plan and design. If you can achieve part of it and you want it, you're great!

Happy 13th birthday!

Hello, dear child.

You are a sentimental and somewhat sensitive girl, which may also be a result of being in adolescence.

It seems that what Auntie is trying to say is that what you care about is not how this birthday is spent, but your relationship with your mother. You feel that your mother is biased towards your younger sister, and you feel very insecure. Of course, you lived with your grandparents for 9 years when you were young, and your relationship with your mother is not as deep as it should be, which should also have something to do with it. In addition, it seems that your mother and father's relationship is not good either. Since they even talked to you about getting a divorce, it can be seen that some of the words were directed at your father, not at you. But after all, you are still a child. I would like to offer you some advice:

1. It would be beneficial for you to learn to grow up. You are already 13 years old, and indeed not a little child anymore. You also have a younger sister, so it would be helpful for you to learn to grow up and be big kids. It seems that your mother likes your younger sister, and your younger sister is also your sister, so it would be good for you to learn to play with her more. When your mother sees you two happy and smiling, she will feel that you have grown up and can help her take care of your younger sister, and she will definitely praise you.

2. During adolescence, we are prone to be sensitive. It might help to remind yourself that not all thoughts are necessarily wrong, and that there are other ideas to consider.

A. When I was nine years old, my parents said that my birthday present was to go home. I believe it may have been because I had caused them some distress and disappointment due to my sister's temper tantrums. I had lived with my grandparents the year before my ninth birthday, so when I turned nine, I finally went back.

===> It's possible that mom and dad have their own plans and intentions. They may have decided to bring you back to spend more time with you. It's also possible that they were disappointed by your sister's temper tantrum and turned back to fetch you. This idea is your own, and I can tell you for sure that you are wrong.

b, 10th birthday: My mom is on a business trip, so it's just my dad and me. I feel a bit out of place and unsure of how to proceed.

===> It's understandable that you're feeling a bit awkward and helpless because of your mother's business trips. It's possible that she's not as familiar with your father as she could be, and that's okay. It's natural to feel that way when you're not used to being apart from your parents. It's also important to remember that your father is your father, and that you can work on building a closer relationship with him by communicating more often.

c, 11 years old Everyone sang me a birthday song, but I felt that they were being particularly hypocritical. I no longer felt any affection, and I also felt very awkward. There were even moments when I wanted to cry. I was already 11 years old, and I felt that they had not participated in my growth and did not really care about me. I had long since become more independent, and it was a bit sad.

Everyone sang you the birthday song, which shows that it is different from your tenth birthday. It seemed as though everyone celebrated your birthday together, but you feel that perhaps there was a hint of hypocrisy, which has made you feel a little sad. Is this feeling perhaps a little sensitive?

I find it frustrating when I ask for help and it doesn't come. It's not always easy to get the help you need when you're not feeling well. I wish I could find a way to bridge the gap between what I need and what I'm getting.

I can understand why you might think that, but I don't think it's quite as simple as that. Sometimes illnesses just can't be cured immediately, and doctors don't have the power to do so. So all mommy and daddy can do is care for you, but you can't think that's just hypocrisy.

On my 12th birthday, I went with my classmates to do some homework. We were singing the birthday song when my mother kindly asked us to wait until she had finished with her sister.

Mum's approach may have been a little inconsiderate, and she was afraid that you might quarrel with your sister, but it seems she wasn't that biased.

You're about to turn 13. How would you like to spend your birthday? You're a big girl now, so you can think about it yourself and then talk to your mum about your ideas. It's important to be open and honest with your parents. You can go out for a big meal, go to the fair, spend time with your friends, go shopping for presents – anything you like. You're a sensitive child, so it's good to tell your mum and dad what you want to do so they know what makes you happy and what doesn't. It's also helpful to think from their perspective. You have a little sister, so your parents might accidentally ignore you, but it's not because they don't love you. It's just because they think you're a big girl now and more independent. If you can, on your birthday, tell your mum, "Mum, I love you, and I hope you can spend more time with me in the future!"

It is important to believe that your parents love you. You should definitely go for it, kiddo!

Hello, dear question asker!

I'm Chen. After reading your question, I really understand your confusion. Let me give you a warm hug first, okay?

I'm so sorry you're going through this. It's a tough situation to be in. Let me tell you a bit more about what you've shared with me.

1. It's possible that parents might favor their younger sister, and that they might not consider the feelings of the questioner.

2. Every time it's the subject's birthday, they feel like their parents don't pay much attention to or value their birthday, and they don't feel loved.

3. The poor author grew up without much parental involvement, with little emotional care, and with a family that had communication problems.

4. It's so sad! Whether intentionally or unintentionally, the different ways in which parents behave towards their younger sister and themselves have unconsciously made the questioner feel more insecure.

5. All those different things that have happened on previous birthdays have made the questioner feel unsure of how to face her upcoming birthday.

Let's take a closer look at the problem together.

1. It's possible that the questioner has been living as the eldest sister since childhood. Sometimes, when the family is not well-off, parents always think that the eldest sister should understand her younger sister, make sacrifices, and become a giver. This doesn't take into account the feelings of the questioner, who also needs care. Parents always think that it is enough to satisfy their children's material needs and that is love, but it is far from enough. This is caused by the parents' own experiences and living environment, and this phenomenon still exists today.

Take the eldest son or daughter of some families with few resources, for example. They love to study, but later, perhaps in order to let their younger siblings go to school, their parents ask them to give up their studies and start working. It's a tough decision, and it's important to remember that parents are only human, too. They don't always consider the feelings of the person involved.

2. Parents' favoritism towards their younger sister. It's so important to look at things rationally and think about why this happens. Take Chen, for example. When he was young, he always felt that his parents favored his sister more. Later, he realized that his parents wanted a boy, and when his sister was born, they wanted to give her away. As a result, she had a disease and almost died, which made them favor her even more.

3. Sometimes, parents treat their kids differently because they like one more than the other. Maybe one is prettier, or maybe one is smarter. Parents who like one kid more often feel better about themselves because they have a good kid in school or who is really talented. They think this makes them better parents, but it can actually make the other kid feel bad. It can make her feel like she's not as important or not as worthy of love.

4. Age-related factors. It's totally normal for parents to show more love and affection to younger children in many families.

It's so sad when kids feel like they're being treated unfairly because they're more vulnerable and in need of protection. It can create an invisible sense of imbalance and differentiation of favoritism. There's a saying that the eldest brother is like a father. While parents are asking older children to take on some family responsibilities, they also deprive them of the right to love when they need emotional care during their growth.

5. The questioner is not afraid of the birth itself, but only of the way her parents treat her, or whether her needs can be paid attention to and met compared to her younger sister.

I'm happy to say that there is a solution!

(1) Give yourself and your imperfect parents a big hug! Tell yourself that you are still worthy of love.

(2) Be brave and face the problem itself, try to accept it. For example, we have ten fingers, each with a different length. If we all demand the same length, we won't be able to function. Do we really need to argue about this?

(3) Speak up about what you need, and don't hide your feelings. Tell your parents you're hurt, but try to see things from their perspective. Your parents' favoritism is not real. Even if you become a parent yourself, you can't be completely fair. Be understanding of your parents, but also believe in yourself and your worth.

(4) Try to communicate more positively with your parents. It might be tough at first, but don't avoid it. If you need a little help, you can even ask your grandparents to sit in on the conversation.

(5) If communication is ineffective, try to adjust your focus and distract yourself. It's okay not to care about your parents' behavior and to avoid being affected by too many emotions.

(6) Shift your focus, turn unfairness into strength, study hard, become self-reliant as soon as possible, be independent and autonomous, do well on your own, become strong, and you'll find you don't really care about these injustices.

(7) Try to see things from other people's perspectives, accept that nobody's perfect, and ask yourself if you could be an absolutely fair and just parent.

(8) Try not to do anything that might make things worse for yourself. It's okay to take your time to understand your situation and get along with it.

I really hope my answer is helpful for you! Thank you so much for being in this world. I wish you a very happy birthday in advance! The world and I love you so much ?

Good day.

I'm grateful to have this opportunity to offer you some advice.

From what you have shared, it seems that you would like your birthday to be a happy and joyful occasion, and that you hope to feel the love flowing.

Now that you are about to turn 13, it seems that the past four years have not been particularly joyful occasions. There always seems to be some incident that mars the celebrations. You began describing the situation from the year you turned nine, and perhaps some of your memories from before that age are missing because you were too young to remember.

It seems that your attention to this matter began at the age of nine. Perhaps before you turned nine, your birthdays were very routine and happy. However, as your younger sister grew up and something happened as you grew up, it led to a significant change in your family environment and your heart from the age of nine, which may have affected this part of your birthday.

In your case, I would venture to suggest that a birthday is the day when someone is born, but it is also the day when that person's mother suffers. While we enjoy the years of our lives, it is surely important to be grateful to our parents for giving us life. From your perspective,

From my perspective, it appears that the events that have transpired on your sister's birthday over the past four years have largely revolved around her.

From the parents' perspective, it seems that they feel their younger daughter is more important than you. From your perspective, it seems that you feel undervalued and that many things depend on your younger sister's wishes.

I must admit, I'm not sure how old your sister is compared to you. It's possible that parents of younger children invest more time and energy in cultivating them in this area.

It's also possible that you haven't had a particularly close relationship with your parents since you were young, which might make it difficult for you to see their relationship with your younger sister in a positive light. It's understandable if you feel that you've lost a lot of love and attention since your younger sister was born, and that you're not as loved by your family as you'd like to be. It can be challenging when your mother talks about how you're like your father and your younger sister is like your mother, and that if there's a divorce you'll go with your father.

Perhaps we could consider it from a different angle. For instance, your mother may simply be pointing out that you and your sister share certain personality traits, and that one of you resembles your father and the other resembles your mother.

You have the opportunity to gain a deeper understanding of your parents' characters. It's important to recognize that there might be differences in how you perceive their personalities compared to your mother's views.

From the moment of birth, everyone carries a combination of both sets of genes. It may seem that you have more of your father's personality, but it's also worth considering whether you might be more like your mother in other ways, such as your approach to life or your studies.

Perhaps your mother was simply expressing herself in a casual manner, without realizing the impact her words might have on your emotional state. It's understandable that you're concerned about this, as she may not have considered the potential consequences of her actions.

It is important to consider that our mother's actions may be perceived as a deliberate separation, but it is also essential to reflect on the formation of our personality and character traits. It is valuable to develop the ability to judge opinions objectively. Many ideas and character traits are influenced by the thoughts of others. We all have unique perspectives, and it is crucial to approach opinions with reason and objectivity, rather than blindly accepting them.

Regarding your experience of having had three unhappy birthdays and being worried about the upcoming fourth birthday, I believe it would be beneficial to avoid making too many assumptions and to try not to worry excessively about this year's birthday.

Perhaps we could try changing our perspective and thinking about how we would like to spend this year's birthday. What kind of gift would you like to receive?

Perhaps you would like to plan your own birthday party?

I believe that as human beings, we benefit from communicating with the outside world and receiving affirmation from others. However, it's important to recognize that this affirmation is not the sole determining factor in our lives. We have the autonomy to decide how we want to celebrate our birthday and can also engage in constructive dialogue with our family members about the support we desire from them.

You might find it helpful to use your own perspective as a starting point to conceive a content to discuss with them, and then realize the birthday surprise that you really want.

I would also like to mention your relationship with your parents. It seems to me that, because your relationship with them may not be particularly close, you tend to question things when they happen. Of course, they are your biological parents and their concern for you is undoubtedly genuine.

Perhaps you could try explaining your thoughts to them in an objective way, given your sister's over-concern.

For instance, if you feel your parents could pay more attention to you, or if you have a disagreement with your sister, you might consider talking about your feelings. This could help your parents understand if they have been neglectful as parents. By expressing your thoughts, your parents can gain a deeper understanding of your true inner feelings, which could lead to a more harmonious relationship.

I hope you can take some time to reflect on the past few years and try to understand the root causes of the conflicts between your parents and your relationship with your younger sister.

And how do you envision spending the rest of your life? I truly believe you can find your true self.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

If you would like to continue the conversation, please click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom, and I will be happy to communicate with you one-on-one.

I would like to suggest that you consider the Psychology Q&A Community, World and I Love You (https://m.xinli001.com/qa).

Hello, question asker.

After reading your question, I am filled with a sense of injustice. Your parents have caused you irreparable harm without realizing it because they lack the ability to love and understand children. As a child, you endure the pain of being abandoned and ignored, suppressing your grievances and troubles, suffering alone, and slowly growing up.

I want to look you in the eye and tell you, it's not your fault. It's not your mom and dad's fault either. They're not mature enough to love their children properly. They don't know how to love you or your siblings.

There's no way around it. You don't need an exam to become a parent. That's just the way it is.

I'm not going to try to get you to understand your parents or forgive their partiality. You're still too young to do that. You need to rely on them.

You have already experienced too much injustice. I hope you can recognize your own grievances and allow yourself to hate, complain about, and be disappointed in your parents. These are all normal emotions and feelings, and you should not take the adults' faults as your own.

I'm not suggesting you confront your parents and argue with them. I'm simply pointing out the reality of the situation. If your parents don't realize their own problems, you can't change them. However, you can learn to accept your emotions and not let negative emotions hurt you.

I am a bit scared of birthdays because they bring back bad feelings. I know what I can do about it. I can talk to a psychologist, or complain to a good friend, or after my family has celebrated my birthday, I can celebrate it properly with a few good friends. I don't have to tell my parents, and I don't have to spend a lot of money. Sometimes, just being together with good friends and being sincere is enough. What do you think?

My dear, I'm sorry to teach you these methods, but I feel that you are still young and don't need to work so hard. Your upbringing has made you precocious, so you will understand what I'm saying.

You might also realize, when you grow up and look back, that your parents had their reasons for what they did and that what they did was the best way to show you their love.

Your current feelings are not wrong. If there really is such a day, I will see in my imagination that you and your parents have let go of your hearts' burdens, and the family is connected and happy.

If you are not willing to forgive your parents, that is not impossible.

Anyway, I wish you a happy birthday. If you feel that no one around you is truly celebrating your birthday, I know for a fact that many people here have wished you a happy birthday. Have you received it?