How should the need for toys of a 3-year-old be balanced?

Hello, question owner.

You mentioned you have a 3-year-old and a 3-month-old boy at home. Developmental psychology says that at age 3, children will have a clear sense of self, be self-centered, have more emotional ups and downs, and have richer emotional experiences. They're happy to explore the outside world but have weak self-control and no clear standards for determining right from wrong.

You're the mom, and you say your baby has a problem with toys, especially toy cars. It's good that your child has his own preferences, is emotionally rich, and has a strong sense of self. His mental age is in line with his age group.

During this stage, it's important for mothers to encourage and guide their children more. If the baby occasionally becomes extremely self-centered, don't worry too much and let the baby have a tantrum. When the baby has a tantrum, try to stay calm and stay with him, watching over him and protecting him from harm.

Be patient and wait until your baby has had a tantrum. Once he's calm, tell him gently but firmly that you stand by your decision and that you won't give in if he cries in the future.

If he tries to persuade you in the future, you can listen to his opinion and make a joint decision.

Next time you go to the supermarket with your baby, you can decide in advance what toys to buy and how many. If he changes his mind, you can still stick to your guns.

After a few times, your baby will learn and adapt to your strategies. You'll notice a significant decrease in crying episodes and an increase in calm, reasonable discussions.

If you sometimes feel like your baby's reasoning is on point, you can go with their decisions, which will boost their confidence. This will shape your relationship with them.

This is how I used to handle things with my kid. You can give it a shot and let me know what you think.

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world and I love you.

Greetings. My name is Gu Daoxi, but I am also known as Fengshou Skinny Donkey.

As a mother with a young child, I am able to empathize with the individual who posed the question.

Initially, our child was granted her requests without consideration of the consequences. If she was denied, she would express distress. Subsequently, upon observing a toy store from a distance, she would abruptly seize the shopping cart and proceed in the opposite direction.

As a result of spending a considerable amount of time with my child during the New Year, I am responsible for managing her demands. Initially, she employed the "if you don't buy it, I'll cry" strategy, but she discovered that it was ineffective. I would hold her and allow her to cry until she became calm, after which we could establish rules that were mutually agreed upon through communication.

I made a pact with her that she could only purchase one item at a time when we went to the supermarket. If she desired to purchase an additional item, she was unable to purchase the item she already had in her hands. A few years ago, when I accompanied her to the supermarket, she initially observed a doll and then expressed interest in purchasing a box of fish intestines. I informed her that she was not permitted to purchase the doll. The young girl considered this for a period of time and ultimately decided that she preferred the doll, and thus, she ultimately chose not to consume it.

On another occasion, her father and I accompanied her to Wanda's toy store. Upon observing the store from a distance, her father expressed a desire to embrace her and depart, yet the child expressed a desire to enter the store and observe its contents. I endorsed this decision, hypothesizing that she would be better able to resist temptation if she faced it directly. Once inside the store, I closely examined each toy she selected and provided a rationale for why it was not an appropriate choice. Concurrently, I informed her that we would complete our circuit of the mall before making any purchases, as otherwise she might make an impulse purchase that she later regretted. That day, she emerged from the toy store without making a purchase, a decision that her father found surprising.

Indeed, children are often more astute than we assume, discerning which adults they can demand much from and which they must adhere to. By leveraging our understanding of children's cognitive abilities, we can enhance communication and achieve a mutually acceptable resolution.

It is important to be aware of the motives behind a child's actions and the reasons behind their requests. In most cases, our child is able to provide a reasonable explanation for their request, and we tend to grant their requests. On one occasion, when she went to the mall, she expressed a desire to purchase a pair of earrings. She even refused to accept a toy if she could not have the earrings. When I inquired about her motivation, she stated that she wanted to give them to her mother. In that moment, I felt a sense of vulnerability, and I was deeply moved by her request. I purchased the earrings for her.

In regard to the matter of keeping promises, my wife and I adhere to the principle of not lightly breaching the rules we have pledged to her. As long as our financial resources allow, we are willing to purchase whatever she desires, even if the item is costly. Alternatively, we may propose a trade-off if we discover that we lack the financial means to fulfill her request, such as declining to purchase the doll in exchange for allowing her to have ice cream. She typically accepts these arrangements. Parents serve as role models for their children. When she observes her parents failing to uphold their commitments, she is likely to emulate their behavior. She may pledge not to purchase an item but then proceed to do so regardless.

Raising a child is a challenging and ongoing process of learning and development. To enhance their understanding of child psychology, the questioner may also consider reading books on the subject, such as "Positive Parenting," to facilitate more effective communication with their children.

For your reference, please find the aforementioned information herewith. With best wishes,

Young children are drawn to toys because they offer a way to shift attention from themselves to the outside world. As they begin to develop new perceptions of the outside world and gain control over themselves, toys play an important role in this process.

From listening to his parents, I know I need to change him. If he doesn't get what he wants, he'll throw a tantrum.

Delayed gratification training is essential for preparing the child for future kindergarten life. The landlord's description is clear: "If you let him buy something himself, he doesn't need your training. He will tell you that he will eat it tomorrow, so eat it slowly."

He can. We just need to establish some rules for the child.

I'll explain why I sometimes have to "delay" and sometimes I can "eat." You can buy it again, and you can eat it whenever you want.

It is essential to establish clear rules and input external perceptions.

In the past, we would say, "I will be satisfied with 80% of what you want, and the remaining 20% we will decide later. If you really like it, we can take a picture and let Daddy compare prices online and decide." This can build a sense of security in children, but it will later give them the illusion that "whatever I want, I will be satisfied." Let me be clear: after a few times, he will find that he has no say in buying online. When he finds that he has no say, he will get angry.

Adjustment is now needed. In fact, the offline satisfaction of 80% + online satisfaction is equivalent to agreeing to buy almost anything. Toddlers have no concept of money, so they don't know what is meant by "asking Dad to compare prices online before making a decision."

For example, he knows that the toy in the zoo is 1,000 yuan, the same toy in the supermarket is 300 yuan, and the same toy online is 150 yuan. He understands that 1,000 is more than 300 is more than 150. However, he doesn't know why 150 can be bought, but 1,000 more than that cannot be bought.

You can establish family rules and set clear guidelines for toy ownership.

First, your child should earn money through their own labor. This money can be real RMB, or it can be tokens (such as five-pointed stars, small stickers, or making a record in a notebook). Since your child is still young, this rule can be kept simple: one token is equivalent to one RMB.

Children must learn to earn money for toys. They can do this by doing simple tasks like getting dressed and brushing their teeth, tidying up toys after playing, and

Parents should buy toys less often and reward children on holidays, birthdays, or when they behave well. This teaches children what are the necessities in life: food, etc. Toys, etc. are "optional" things that are not essential to life. Having them can satisfy interests and make you happy.

Second, rewards. Children should be rewarded with a token for good behavior over a long period of time, for example, or for good performance. This time should not be fixed, as it will allow children to find a pattern and pretend to behave well in order to achieve their goal.

Offering rewards from time to time helps children develop good habits and lay a foundation for good learning habits when they go to school.

Third, assist parents. Children can be involved in simple household chores when it is safe to do so.

This method teaches children to do things and be willing to do them. It also makes them feel a sense of participation in the family, establishes their perception of the family, and shows them that they are also young masters in the family. They learn that all family matters are not only for parents to do, but for all family members to do together. The goal is to teach children to be careful with their money. They cannot spend it extravagantly, and there are many purchases that need to be made in order of priority.

(The cognitive education here is combined with the first point. It is not necessary to actually use the child's money to buy oil, salt, soy sauce, and vinegar. As the child grows up, this part will be subtle. By the time they reach the upper grades of junior high school, they will understand that if there is no salt at home and they can still bring a bag back on the way home from school, they will not care about the idea of "why should I use my pocket money?" because they know that the family also has a responsibility to pay.

Fourth, it is punishment. Children who are not punished will form the habit of "doing nothing."

They know that if they don't do it, they won't make a mistake. The worst that can happen is that they won't get what they want, and they become lazy.

This part is for the host's child to correct the child's "bad habits" of losing their temper when they don't get what they want. The child must also learn to regulate their emotions.

Know how to calm yourself when you're on the verge of anger and avoid violent behavior like kicking stones. If you do engage in such behavior,

For example, this includes losing one's temper, hitting others, and other bad and negative behaviors or words, including impoliteness. All character education can be used as "punishment," which can be reducing the number of tokens earned, or other punishments based on the situation in the host family. The punishment itself must not harm the child's physical and mental growth.

It is crucial for parents to understand their children's emotions and behavior.

Parents must pay attention to external influences, including violence in their own lives, in their surroundings, and online contact.

This is not about preventing children from contacting the outside world or not letting them watch. It is about guidance.

Avoidance is not the way to build external perception.

When your child has been exposed to "violent" things (including verbal and physical violence), you must first ask them how they feel. Find out whether they feel fear or exhilaration, or whether they feel nothing. Then, guide them according to how they feel.

In a frightening situation, you can and should tell your child not to be afraid of violence. You can also explain what they should do to deal with it, such as protecting themselves, informing their parents, going back to their parents if they are not far away, and seeking help from someone if they are scared when their parents are not around, such as a teacher or the police. (Safety education)

In happy situations, it's time for intervention-oriented guidance. Tell your child that violence is not an option and what to do when they feel angry and want to use violence.

Adjust your emotions, control your words and actions, and tell your parents if someone annoys you.

It is a certainty that without feeling, there is no feeling. There are two types of situations: one is that you have never seen it before, and the other is that you have a low degree of emotional feedback.

It is a long process to help children establish new perceptions, values, and social norms. During this time, adults must also continue to learn. As children's sense of independence grows, learning to communicate with them and share their inner thoughts is also a crucial part of the process. In the process of communicating with children, it is essential to understand their thoughts and convey your own ideas to them. There is no need to think, "The child is still young, they don't need to know."

He will understand when he grows up.

Hello!

Let's figure out the best way to meet your 3-year-old's toy needs!

When a child is two years old and can recognize himself in the mirror, he has a sense of the subject "I," that is, a sense of self-will. This is how he can tell the difference between buying toys online and in a physical store, and he chooses to buy them in a physical store—and that's great!

The questioner mentioned "delayed gratification." And it's true that buying things in a physical store can satisfy a child's needs in the moment. But there's another way to strengthen your child's ability to "delay gratification" when buying toys! If your child feels that they have to work hard to get their favorite toy, then they will be willing to cooperate. So let's explore some other ways to do it!

For example, you can tell your child that if he helps you with some household chores every day or can take care of himself in a certain way, you will buy him a toy! Let your child understand that he needs to work and spend time to get what he wants, and he'll be so excited to see what he can do to earn it!

And remember to respect your child. They may be small, but they have a lot of self-esteem! You can agree in advance that you will only buy one toy in the store, and let your child choose one for themselves.

In the mind of a 3-year-old, money has no value. This is great because it means they have no sense of whether a toy is expensive or cheap. All that matters to them is whether they like it or not!

So, they won't compare the same product like adults do, which is great!

When a child is feeling rejected, the best thing you can do is calm them down and then distract their attention. You can say something like, "Mommy knows you're feeling bad right now, but there are the little monkeys you like in front of you, let's go see them together, okay!"

That is, find something that interests the child and get their attention! Or give the child a choice between two possibilities.

For example, do you want to keep looking at toys here? Or do you want to go have ice cream with your mom?

I really hope this helps!

Best regards!

It is important to note that while children require opportunities for play, this does not necessitate the use of toys. Instead, they engage in exploration and investigation of their surrounding environment and objects that capture their interest, ranging from household items such as pots and pans to construction blocks. In essence, while toys can be a source of entertainment for children, they are not the sole means of engaging in play.

It is possible that your home may contain an adequate number of objects that can simultaneously entertain and educate your child.

As children mature, their relationship with toys undergoes a transformation. While infants are primarily focused on the individuals with whom they are attached, they can also engage in exploratory activities with their mouths and hands.

As toddlers, they become increasingly interested in exploring objects. At this stage, it is of the utmost importance to expose them to open-ended things that can foster imagination.

Such items may be found in one's own home, including items such as pots and pans or stacked bowls. Alternatively, one may choose to provide toys that are more tangible, such as building blocks, nesting cups, dolls, or stuffed animals.

It is notable that there is no minimum number of toys required. Indeed, research indicates that when young children have fewer toys in their environment, they play with each toy for longer, which allows them to engage in more focused and creative play.

Parents should permit their children to gravitate towards the toys or objects that capture their attention. Creativity truly begins to flourish at the age of three, and children may be capable of engaging in independent play for brief periods.

It is recommended that parents always carry drawing supplies and paper with them. The ability to draw can begin as early as the age of two and continue throughout childhood.

The practice of drawing fosters the development of a multitude of skills, including the capacity to express emotions and imitate images, just as they imitate behavior. Furthermore, it presents an invaluable opportunity for parents to commend their children's creativity and perseverance, which are crucial for their growth and self-esteem. It also demonstrates that excellence is not a prerequisite for success.

Good day, my name is Xintan Coach Fly, and I also oversee the official group [Parent-Child Parenting Help]. I extend a warm welcome to you all and wish you the best in the year ahead.

I'm grateful for the opportunity to engage in dialogue about parenting-related topics with you. I perceive numerous admirable qualities in your child.

A 1.3-year-old child with a high emotional quotient says, "I'm so sad that Dad won't buy it for me." It seems that the child is expressing his emotion of sadness, rather than an emotion. This could be a manifestation of his good connection with himself.

Adults, however, may unintentionally limit their self-perception abilities. We often express emotions, such as anger, sadness, and resentment, which could be perceived as communication.

Children have much to teach us. They can help us to see things in a new light and to question our own beliefs.

It would seem that the toy car indicates a very specific interest.

It seems that he has a strong interest in cars, particularly toy cars. From what I can see, his interest in cars is quite specific and long-lasting. (This conclusion can be drawn again from the delicious food in the back.)

If you were to discover that your child was destined to become the chief designer of a certain brand of car in the future, would you consider supporting them from an early age?

If you were certain that your child would become a highly skilled engineer in the future, would you consider investing in a toy car that he truly enjoys?

Adults may tend to prioritize practicality and affordability when making purchasing decisions. However, children often have a more straightforward perspective, simply basing their preferences on whether they like a product or not.

It is important to recognize that parents love their children in ways that they believe are best for them. However, from a child's perspective, this love may not always align with their own desires.

? 3. Advice

It would be beneficial to treat your child as an equal, regardless of their age. It is important to communicate with them as you would with an adult, listen to their opinions and feelings, and find out why they like toy cars so much, what kind of satisfaction owning this toy will bring them, and what they plan to do with the toy.

Based on this foundation of communication, you may wish to consider whether to immediately satisfy the child, refuse outright, make an agreement in advance, or have alternative options to meet needs.

It might be helpful to put aside adult judgment, think from another's perspective, and see more of the truth from the child's point of view. It could also be beneficial to look at the present from the perspective of the future.

I hope these suggestions are helpful to you and to the world. I love you.

If you would like to continue the conversation, you are welcome to click on "Find a Heart Exploration Coach" in the lower right corner, where you can chat together.

Hello, I'd like to offer you a hug from head to toe.

It's understandable that people of all ages may want to buy items they like when they see them. Adults have to consider their financial limits, but children may not always think about this.

From what I have read about how you handle your child's love of toy cars, it seems that your child is quite clever.

It would be interesting to understand how his father manages to get him to buy fewer toys without making him feel sad or angry when he's refused. Instead, he just comes back to you and says, "I'm so sad because my father won't buy me a toy."

Have you ever considered how a father might encourage his child to shop less when presented with a vast array of toys?

But when he comes back, he will sometimes say, "Mom didn't buy me a toy, I'm a little disappointed." Why might he say that to you?

I feel this behavior could be perceived as somewhat provocative.

From what you said later, it seems that he shops with you, but also looks at many items and makes requests to buy things, and you will satisfy 80% of them. From this perspective, it seems that when he shops with his father and mother, he also looks at many items and makes requests to buy things, but you end up satisfying 80% of them.

It would seem that the child's feelings may be different in this situation. In particular, when shopping at the supermarket with the child and occasionally making a request to buy something, it seems that 80% of the time the request is satisfied on the spot, but 20% of the time it may not be. Although the intention is to buy the toy online, it is possible that the child's preferences may not be fully taken into account.

It's possible that the 20% of toys that the child likes the most are actually more expensive. Even if the child says he really likes them, parents may still decide not to buy them for a variety of reasons.

In comparison to his father, when he asks his mother for a toy, some of his requests will be met, but some will really be ignored. This may lead him to feel a bit cheated. Since buying online will not be honored, the child may decide to try a different strategy and demand immediate payment.

It is also possible that parents may unintentionally influence their children's decisions. While toys may not be expensive, if a child is given a lot of them, they may be able to convince a 3-year-old to make a purchase. It is possible that the child will forget about it when they get home, and it is also possible that the child will not be able to shop online. Therefore, it is up to the adults to decide whether the child buys it when they get home.

In essence, the child may perceive a sense of disappointment. It's possible that at the time, both the child and the adults involved may have unintentionally contributed to this feeling.

It's understandable that both perspectives have valid points. The child wants the toy he likes, and since the adult promised to buy it if he liked it, he is disappointed when he doesn't get it. The adult, on the other hand, is also concerned about the financial aspect and the storage issue.

I believe that women tend to consider these matters more deeply than men. Toy storage is also a challenge that I find particularly difficult.

In the last paragraph, you suggest allowing the child to make his own purchases. Could you please clarify whether you mean he should spend his own money or if you simply want him to decide whether or not to make a purchase? And if he wants to make a purchase, would you be willing to make it for him?

If he spends his own money, he can delay gratification. However, it seems that you may be inadvertently undermining his delayed gratification.

You suggest that if a child wants to eat something, they can do so and then buy it again if they wish.

It might be helpful to let your child decide for himself when to buy something. It's probably best not to disrupt his rhythm of spending money on his own.

It might be helpful to give your child more autonomy.

From the questions, it seems that there might have been a difference of opinion between you and your child regarding the toys they wanted and the ones they ended up not buying.

It might be helpful to consider that children are often willing to delay gratification when it comes to food. However, you could also gently encourage them to do so. They may feel a bit lost if they don't have guidance.

It also demonstrates that children are capable of exercising self-control.

I'd like to share a few ideas that may be perceived as somewhat immature. However, I hope you'll consider trying them out.

One way to help your child understand their toys better is to sort them with them. Have your child count the toys, identify what they are, and group them according to their different characteristics. This will give your child a good idea of their toys and also teach them how to categorize.

Then, you might consider letting your child know that toys already in the house cannot be purchased again. If they are to be purchased, you could set a standard for how often they can be purchased, for example, once a year, or that they have to pay for them with their own money.

It might be helpful to explain to your child that, even if they like something a lot, there are still conditions that have to be met before they can buy it. Once these conditions have been set, it's important to stick to them.

It might be a good idea to let the child spend his own money however he wants, even if it's on the same toy multiple times.

It might be helpful to set a plan for buying toys with your child. You could consider, for example, how many times a month you can buy toys, how many toys you can buy, and how much money you can spend.

Once everyone has agreed, it would be best to stick to it as much as possible. It is recommended that at the beginning, the frequency, quantity, and amount of toys you give him should be similar to what they are now, and then gradually reduce.

It might be helpful to give your child some time to adjust.

Third, it would be advisable to draw up the rules and stick to them. Anything that falls within the rules, you must keep your promise. Anything that goes beyond the rules, the child can buy it with his own money.

It might be helpful to keep track of the money he spends together with him, and then do an inventory every month. This could help you see how much money he has spent this month, and what his needs could be if he doesn't buy toys with this money.

You might consider letting him decide for himself which needs are being met, for example, whether to buy a toy or go to the playground.

It might be helpful to talk to your child about it. You could consider laying down the rules for spending money, and then everyone could try to follow them.

It is also important to consider setting some boundaries when it comes to freedom. Try to give your child enough freedom within certain limits.

I try to live by the teachings of Buddhism and I also have a background in positive psychology. I believe in the goodness of the world and in the potential of every individual.

Hello!

You seem like a new mom, trying to do your best. What makes a great mom?

We must understand what children in this age group are like.

Three is the age of cooperation. Three and a half is the age of rebellion. Rebellion is the defining characteristic of the period from three and a half to four years.

For the mother, the three-and-a-half-year-old child seems to want to do everything opposite to her.

Sometimes we think he's stubborn because he's overconfident. But that's not it.

Three-and-a-half-year-olds are insecure. This shows in their physical development, for example, in stuttering, frequent falls, and sometimes nervous trembling.

He is insecure and wants to control the world.

He is unhappy because he cannot control his emotions.

He tries to control the outside world to reduce his anxiety and restlessness. He sings orders to people, like "Don't look, don't laugh for a minute," before giving the orders.

If someone doesn't pay attention to him, he will demand their attention. He doesn't want his mother to talk on the phone, his father to read the newspaper, or even his parents to talk to each other.

He's exploring relationships and his own identity. He's not interested in what we're doing, so he gives the orders.

He feels that other people's glances are an infringement of his autonomy.

At age three and a half, friends are important to him. His friends have positive effects on his behavior.

Many children at this age have imaginary friends. That is why they ask for different toys.

Parents, be careful when your child turns three and a half. This is an unpleasant period, but your child is not your enemy. He is unstable. His daily life requires more effort and thought from you.

He's looking for a way to release his emotions, and his mother is the biggest outlet.

If he's not having a tantrum, play with him. Maybe he's happy and well-behaved, getting through the period between three and four years of age.

Even the best kids have moments of instability.

A perfect mother is one who has 60 points. She has deep affection and is resolute. When a mother is stable, her child feels secure.

I'm listening, Master Ellie. I hope my answer helps!