How to adjust psychologically in interpersonal relationships when one is insecure, sensitive, and fragile?

Hello, question asker! I am the answerer, Enoch. From the question asker's description, I understand that the question asker has some doubts about the perception of friendships and the way to make friends. In particular, after encountering an unexpected event during class, the question asker began to deeply reflect on herself, and also hopes to have a clearer understanding of the issues related to making friends and to actually make friends. However, the question asker is unsure of the best way forward.

From what has been shared by the questioner, it seems that there are a few underlying reasons for the difficulties they have faced in forming friendships.

1. The question asker may believe that they lack self-confidence and have poor social skills, but it is also possible that they simply do not know each other well enough yet.

The questioner believes that since high school, he has made some very good friends and has also experienced the end of some relationships for various reasons. However, the questioner still has a few close friends with whom he gets along well. In particular, in college, the questioner is full of hope and hopes to make friends, but he still encounters some setbacks. When describing these setbacks, the questioner repeatedly emphasizes that he feels it is his own fault, that he feels his social skills are poor, and that he believes friends understand him and are also friendly. This is not only a result of a lack of self-confidence and poor social skills, but also the fact that the questioner has not been able to fully understand and communicate with each other during interactions with friends, so that both sides do not understand each other's needs, which may lead to some unfortunate misunderstandings. If these misunderstandings are not resolved, the relationship may become more distant.

2. The questioner senses that he may be somewhat sensitive and vulnerable, and when he feels insecure, he may tend to adopt a somewhat defensive attitude, which can sometimes make people feel a bit aloof and indifferent.

The questioner feels that he is relatively sensitive and vulnerable inside, and that some inadvertent stimuli during interactions with others may make him feel uneasy. At this time, the questioner may sometimes adopt a prickly defense to alleviate the inner unease, which the questioner feels may make the other person feel that he is aloof and cold. However, the questioner believes that people who know him well know that he is friendly, so people who don't know him well may have certain misunderstandings about him during their limited interactions with him.

3. The questioner has reservations about the nature of friendships formed in groups for the purpose of alleviating loneliness.

The questioner senses that many girls form groups with the intention of alleviating loneliness, yet the resulting friendships may lack depth and understanding. The questioner finds this approach to friendship unappealing and is uncertain if her perspective is accurate. She is seeking guidance to resolve these doubts.

We would like to offer some suggestions that we hope will be helpful to the questioner.

1. It might be helpful to take a moment to reflect on what friendship truly means and to consider adapting one's approach to align with the unique needs of each friend.

There are many different views on what friendship is. Some people believe it is about mutual understanding and warmth, while others think it is about sharing good and bad times. Some even say that friendship is about having a kindred spirit. I believe that friendship can take many forms in our lives, and that no one person or a few people can meet all of our needs for friendship. To build a strong friendship, it is important to get to know each other well and define the relationship as you interact with your friends. This allows you to meet each other's emotional needs and understand what kind of support you can provide for each other. It is also important to have realistic expectations of friendship. This helps you to understand the friendship better and makes the relationship more likely to last.

2. Gain a deeper understanding of the stages and processes of interpersonal communication, which will help you to manage relationships more effectively.

The process of interpersonal communication can be divided into three stages: emotional exploration, emotional involvement, and emotional stability. Many people will quickly pass through the emotional exploration stage and enter the emotional involvement stage because of their favorable impression of the other person. However, without sufficient understanding, it is possible to cause harm to each other in the process of emotional involvement, which could result in an emotional breakdown and failure to enter the emotional stability stage. Therefore, this theory can guide us in the process of making friends. We should fully contact, explore, and understand the person we desire to become friends with. This will help us understand whether the other person is suitable to be our friend, what kind of relationship is suitable for each other, and what areas of communication are suitable. Then, we can appropriately get emotionally involved, rely on each other, and pour out our hearts to each other. This could result in the formation of a long-lasting and stable friendship through mutual understanding and tolerance.

3. It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the three ways of interpersonal communication.

People often adopt one of three approaches in interpersonal relationships: dominance, tolerance, or submission. People who like to dominate tend to be assertive, take the initiative, and are used to giving orders. If you interact with such a person, it might be helpful to let the other person suggest the theme of the activity and submit to them as much as possible. People who like to tolerate can often tolerate the shortcomings of everyone and coordinate relationships with many people. If you interact with such a person, you might consider expressing to them the confusion you encounter more often. They may be able to give you an answer after comprehensive consideration, which could help eliminate your doubts and help you eliminate misunderstandings in interpersonal relationships. People who like to submit often lack assertiveness, are dependent in interpersonal relationships, and are used to pleasing others. If you interact with such a person, you might consider helping them more by giving them ideas and showing them more care. This could help the relationship last longer.

It is my sincere hope that the above responses will prove helpful to the questioner.

Hello.

Your story is a testament to resilience. Despite facing social challenges, you have maintained a positive outlook. The way you value friendships and treat relationships with others is admirable. Your sincerity in sharing your experiences has brought comfort and joy to those who read your story. Whether it's personal struggles or current circumstances, you have demonstrated an ability to maintain compassion for others. This is a remarkable quality, not only in terms of social interactions but also in the strength of your mental fortitude.

You need to be confident in yourself and have a positive sense of self-worth to make good friends.

I am a girl with low self-esteem, sensitivity, and vulnerability. Since high school, I have had a few good friendships, but they ultimately failed for various reasons. However, I am confident that I will find new and better friends in the future.

I have a few friends who understand me and get along well with me, but I still have doubts about my social skills.

I had high hopes that I would make new good friends when I entered university, but I was wrong.

From the summary, it is clear that the questioner has a relatively low self-evaluation. The most important basis for this is the change in her relationship with her friends, that is, the feelings and feedback they bring to her. This standard of feeling and evaluation has continued until university, and the pressure of socializing has always been there. Therefore, the slightest change triggers the internal defense system, which tries to eliminate the pressure of feeling it. This often makes her constantly think about whether it is a problem with herself, and she becomes preoccupied with it. At the same time, because she has not found a new basis to support herself, she feels stressed and mentally exhausted.

The root of the problem is whether one's self-evaluation is objective or not, and whether one's response model when facing stress is negative or positive.

Incorrect and subjective self-evaluation leads to incorrect self-worth judgments, which cause varying degrees of discomfort in the experience of self-perception. Negative self-coping stress patterns exacerbate social experiences and further negative self-evaluations.

Correct and more objective self-evaluation is the key to establishing a healthy self-awareness in a timely manner and a stable sense of self-identity. When responding to stressful situations, they can respond more positively, demonstrating their charm and self-worth.

Once you understand the factors that affect your social life, you must objectively evaluate your social environment and find the right environment for developing friendships. This will increase the probability of meeting good friends and promote a sense of self-identity.

I am not arrogant or impatient. I am patient and I create opportunities.

Everything reflects a person's state of mind. A good state of mind creates good luck. When studying, prioritize relationships. Do your main homework well. Treat classmates with a friendly attitude. Discern which people are suitable for you and worthy of friendship. Wait for the right person to appear. Adapt to your environment and grow up.

The worst kind of friend to have is the kind that "demolishes the bridge after crossing the river." When you first arrive in an unfamiliar environment, everyone is busy trying to find a "life preserver" to ease their awkward and lonely situation. They often use a rather utilitarian mentality when making friends, and this mentality will sow the seeds of disaster in a friendship from the very beginning. Don't make friends with people who don't have truth, goodness, and beauty in their hearts and can't create positive energy for others.

Affirm yourself, grow yourself positively, and go with the flow.

It is difficult to meet a true friend. Only one or two people can be called close friends. Time is precious. Use it to enrich yourself, expand your horizons, and become the best version of yourself. Develop good friendships. Don't let words from others affect your self-confidence.

Best wishes!

Dear Question Asker, Thank you for your question. Best regards, [Name] [Title]

After reviewing your inquiry, I empathize with the predicament you've outlined. To begin, I extend a supportive gesture.

I am a self-conscious and sensitive individual with a history of experiencing challenges in forming and maintaining friendships. Despite having a few positive relationships in high school, these connections ultimately failed for various reasons. While I have also developed a few friendships where I feel understood or have a good rapport, I still have significant reservations about my social abilities.

I was optimistic that I could develop new friendships when I started university, but this has not materialised. The catalyst for my current difficulties was today's oral class. I sat alone. The teacher, who may have been well-intentioned, asked in front of the whole class, "Is there anyone who has never spoken to me? Then let's practise an oral text together."

I was embarrassed at the time, but I was relieved that I had communicated with all the girls. However, the interaction was not particularly meaningful. I then experienced significant self-doubt, and I felt that my personal issues were the root cause of my inability to form friendships.

Due to my low self-esteem, I often come across as prickly, though in reality, those who know me well understand that I am actually a friendly person. I become prickly when I feel insecure, but this has unfortunately led to a perception of aloofness and indifference.

I am unsure of the best course of action. I recognize that some individuals form groups to alleviate loneliness, but I do not wish to engage in such behavior. I question my ability to form and maintain social connections.

The issue you are facing is as follows:

1. I am self-conscious and sensitive, and I have had some unfortunate experiences forming friendships. As a result, I have doubts about my social skills.

2. The teacher's well-meaning actions have led to feelings of unease and self-doubt.

3. Insecurity, sometimes with a defensive posture, can create an aloof and indifferent impression.

4. Some women engage in this behavior as a means of coping with loneliness, despite having no desire to do so and experiencing self-doubt.

Problem analysis:

1. When the OP was young, his parents placed a greater emphasis on their own material needs than on the OP's emotional care as an independent personality. This is an example of the influence of the OP's family education and original environment on himself. Parents have their own concepts of the times, so they cannot be held entirely responsible. The past cannot be changed, so it is important to accept it.

2. A lack of security, low self-esteem, sometimes strong self-esteem, and possibly a defense mechanism with a thick shell to protect oneself. The questioner is experiencing some difficulty in accepting others and is having some trouble socializing with others.

3. The individual in question displays high internal mental depletion, excessive thinking, and sensitivity and vulnerability.

The solution is as follows:

(1) Accept yourself unconditionally, including your personality and sensitivity.

(2) Position yourself correctly, be aware of your strengths and weaknesses, avoid alienating others, and maintain a healthy sense of caution.

(3) Eliminate the daily internal conflict with yourself by focusing on action rather than reflection.

(4) It is important to recognize that other individuals are also human beings with normal emotional needs and the need for friends. They are not intimidating, and both sides are equal.

(5) Identify an appropriate outlet for stress release. Consider activities such as running, long-distance cycling, hiking, or engaging in conversation with friends.

I hope this information is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]