How to be comfortable in oneself without suppressing oneself?

Hello, question asker.

From your description, it's clear you care a lot about whether you can catch the other person's drift well. If your response doesn't have the effect you want, you feel uncomfortable and your heart feels blocked. And if you don't give a response to someone's words in time, you also feel uncomfortable and suffocated.

You will undoubtedly recognize the importance of being able to talk. I believe that these are the fundamental criteria for being able to talk in your heart:

1. Don't let yourself down. Always express the emotions you want to convey.

2. You must ensure that others understand you and that your meaning is clear.

3. You must not let the other person be dissatisfied, and you must not make others angry with you.

The above three points are the most important principles you should adhere to. They are your inner beliefs, and if you fail to follow them, you will feel uncomfortable and will always want to make up for this mistake.

You are usually more cautious with your words to adhere to the requirements you have set for yourself. You are especially cautious around unfamiliar people. You may swallow the words you have on the tip of your tongue and not say them to avoid angering the other person. However, this goes against another principle of yours: "If you have something to say, say it; if you have an emotion you want to express, don't hold back." You will feel pain, depression, resentment, and self-blame for this.

I understand how you feel. In fact, if we can all do a good job of the above "talking" standards, it would be best. We all have such high expectations of ourselves, but when we can't achieve them, we give up on the pursuit of perfection. Sometimes it's enough just to implement the first standard, as long as you don't compromise yourself.

However, you demand more of yourself when it comes to communication or interpersonal relationships. You may also know that it is difficult to achieve everything in some situations, and you always have to make trade-offs, but you will feel very uncomfortable after making a trade-off.

This is your problem.

Think back and ask yourself what it is that makes you unable to let go of your obsession with "knowing how to talk." Is it more important not to compromise yourself or not to make others hate you?

You can become an expert in the art of conversation through active training. However, you will inevitably encounter situations like today, so you must self-regulate this kind of emotion or mentality.

You have likely experienced something impressive before, which has given you similar somatic feelings and emotions. This has led to a psychological defense mechanism of fear after similar or attributed events. You have a strong emphasis on a certain aspect as a result.

Ask yourself what caused you to react this way to a similar event in the past. Once you've identified the reason, tell yourself: 1. You are now different from the past. 2. The current situation is different from past experiences. What happened before is in the past, and there's no reason to be afraid.

3. You can't predict the future, but you can change your past. Enemies can become friends. Mistakes can be redeemed.

I am confident this will help. Best wishes.

It's totally normal to have a lot on your mind when it comes to your interactions with your roommate. We all want to make a good impression and maintain a positive image, and that's okay!

So, it's really important to know yourself and your opponent if you want to win every battle! During the exchange, there were a few things you didn't say, and you may have a tendency to suppress yourself. Your roommate's questions also confused you a bit. When he asked about cheating on the exam, it seemed like he meant cheating.

It seems like the other person didn't really admit it, and you didn't say anything to show that you understood correctly. Maybe it's because you two aren't super close, so there are still some subtle boundaries being maintained. That's totally normal! You have your own forbearance, and there's a certain degree of worry and reservation, which is totally understandable.

If you have reservations, it actually means that you are becoming more mature. As an adult, there are many things that you don't necessarily have to talk about. If you feel uncomfortable, you can talk to a friend you really trust, or to your family. They'll be happy to hear from you!

If you really feel the need to express yourself completely, we have a great exercise you can try. Stand in front of a mirror and see if there is anything else waiting for you. You can even train your brain to respond faster!

It's totally normal to have things you want to express, but it can be hard when you feel helpless and overwhelmed. If you really can't talk about it, we're here for you. You can talk to a heart coach or a psychological counselor about your recent experiences. We're all here for you, so hang in there.

ZQ?