How to climb out of the trough in the normal and extreme states of high school?

Hello!

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach, and I've read your post with great interest. I totally get the complex feelings you're experiencing!

I also want to applaud you for being so brave and sharing your struggles on this platform. It's a great way to gain insights and understanding. I'm sure you'll find ways to adjust and improve. Keep up the great work!

Next, I'm thrilled to share my observations and thoughts from the post, which I'm sure will help you view yourself from a more diverse perspective!

1. Being nice to others is a great way to get the same treatment you give them!

In your post, you mentioned that you even tacitly approve of this behavior, which I find fascinating! I like to control the masochistic part of myself, and I know I will definitely extricate myself from this relationship. In interpersonal relationships, if the other person is a man, as long as he reveals a tendency to like me, I will treat him as my private property. I will be nice to him, even if I don't like him. I will brainwash myself by taking his words as sacred. We can work together to find out why we need this!

So, why should I be nice to him? Well, because our behaviour is actually an external manifestation of our mental activity!

So the original poster can ask himself what kind of feelings this gives him? Why do you need this kind of relationship?

Could it be that he likes you? That liking is a kind of appreciation and recognition of yourself? If so, being appreciated and recognized must be a need of yours! And while you are being good to him, do you have any expectations or desires in your heart that he will treat you the same way you treat him?

If it's yourself, do you long for the care and love of others? This is something the host can explore and think about, and it can also help the host better understand and know themselves!

2. Go back and re-examine your own growth experience.

The poster mentioned in the post that he is a high school student with average grades, appearance, and family. However, due to the chaotic family relationship, I am excited to find someone to always be with me!

I sense a hint of loneliness in you, yes, the feeling of loneliness. Let's look together at the environment in which you grew up and the way you were raised!

This can also help us better understand and know ourselves, which is really exciting! It seems that the original poster has become more aware of herself, and this makes me feel your keen awareness, which is great!

Also, the host has a lot of emotions, but they have always maintained their studies and grades, which is really remarkable. I sincerely want to say that this is something that many people cannot do, and it's so inspiring to see!

Okay, let's get back to the topic! I think you've realized that it is precisely because of the disorder in your family relationships that you have many unmet needs at home. So, you seek to satisfy those emotional needs externally, right? And we can look back on our own experiences growing up to find the answer!

And there's more! We can also think about whether there are other ways to meet our needs.

3. Take the exciting step of taking responsibility for yourself!

Taking responsibility for oneself is the path to becoming independent and autonomous—and it's an exciting journey! We've already discussed our own needs, and we've seen that while our original family may not be able to satisfy them, external relationships can. The challenge is that relationships are uncontrollable. But here's the good news: we can control ourselves!

So, let's take responsibility for our own needs, satisfy our own needs, and take responsibility for our own emotions and lives! This is the best way to take back control of our lives. It might be tough at first, but just think of how happy and relaxed you'll feel once you achieve it! And if you need help, the original poster can seek it on the platform. There's lots of great psychological knowledge on the platform that can help you.

4. Get moving with some awesome aerobic exercises!

In the post, the host mentioned his depression. The great news is that a good way to cure depression is to exercise! You don't have to exercise excessively, because often people with depression have a lot of internal energy consumption, so they are generally more tired. So you don't have to force yourself to do a lot of exercise, but you can do some moderate aerobic exercise!

And guess what? Research shows that aerobic exercise is very effective. That's why in psychology, many people encourage depressed people to exercise!

The host can even try it and record their own exercise!

5. Learn to care for yourself!

Depression is an attack on oneself, so let's ask ourselves: why do we attack ourselves? It's a kind of rejection of oneself, often a kind of dislike of oneself.

But here's the good news! There are often many reasons for many things, and there are even many objective reasons.

And that's why we can learn to look at things from an objective perspective and from multiple perspectives! When we stop attacking ourselves, it will undoubtedly stop our internal conflict.

It's time to recognize that our own harshness towards ourselves is often the final straw that breaks us. But, on the flip side, when we show ourselves some love and care, we gain the strength to keep going!

Absolutely! Caring for yourself, accepting yourself, and loving yourself can help us get better in every way.

I really hope these are helpful and inspiring for you! If you have any questions, you can also try clicking on Find a Coach to communicate with a coach one-on-one and grow together.

Dear questioner,

I am grateful to have had the opportunity to connect with you on this platform.

I would like to kindly draw your attention to the topic brought up by the questioner: "In high school, normal and extreme states are reversed. How do you get out of the doldrums?" As you can see from the title, it seems that the questioner is here with a desire to change himself, eager to gain a more realistic understanding of himself.

Thank you for sharing your concerns. Let's discuss this together in detail and hopefully provide you with more possibilities and perspectives to understand yourself.

I would like to suggest that we take a moment to reflect on the following:

If I might suggest, perhaps the first step would be to take a moment to sort out the specific situation described by the questioner and then try to analyze and interpret it.

I am a high school student with average grades, appearance, and family. However, due to some challenges in my family, I have a strong desire for consistent support and attention. In my search for this, I have found myself allowing others to exert control over me and engaging in practices like Pua.

I must admit that I even tacitly approve of this behavior. I like to control the abused part of myself, and I know I will definitely withdraw from this relationship. In interpersonal relationships, if the other person is a man and reveals a tendency to like me, I will treat him as if he were my private property. I will be nice to him, even if I don't like him, and I will try to see the best in him.

If you have read this paragraph, please leave a few keywords.

It seems that the student is satisfied with his current situation, as he has good grades, appearance, and family.

2. "Family relationship disorder." Could you please elaborate on what the questioner fears about this? In family relationships, could you please describe the relationships and positions/roles of the three main family members: father, mother, and self?

It may be the case that the nature of the relationship is such that it reflects and influences the questioner's innermost desires. This is certainly a topic worthy of further investigation.

Could I ask what you mean by "always longing for company"? I'm not sure I understand what you mean by that.

Could it be a lack of love, security, or attachment in the relationship? Why do you want to be a PUA? Is it even possible to be controlled?

I'm curious if you find enjoyment in being abused.

It would be helpful to understand whether you enjoy being controlled in the relationship/PUA, but at the same time believe that you can definitely extricate yourself from this relationship. Is this a feeling full of illusions, particularly if the other person is a man?

(It might be worth exploring whether this is the fantasy world of the question's imagery for an adolescent with depression. It could be helpful to look into this further.)

I was diagnosed with depression a few months ago, and I have a long history of it. I have been exploring ways to understand my experience of depression better. This has included trying drugs to gain insight into what it is like to be addicted, and I have been experimenting with taking my medication less regularly.

A few months ago, I was diagnosed with depression and have a long history of it. I'm not sure exactly how long, but I'm working on taking it more seriously and caring for myself better.

It would be helpful to understand what the questioner experienced before their depression. For example, it would be interesting to know about their interpersonal relationships, emotions, and any stressful events that may have occurred.

The questioner is curious about what it might be like to be addicted to drugs. Could you describe the kinds of images and results that you find appealing?

I'm feeling quite tired at the moment and unsure of what to do. While I'm reassured by the belief that everything will be fine once I've completed my exams, I'm not entirely convinced that this will be the case. I have a human nature, but I also feel like a passer-by in this world.

I must admit, I'm not particularly adept at navigating interpersonal relationships. I tend to oscillate between extremes, sometimes becoming overly detached and cutting off all ties.

Throughout, I have never intentionally hurt anyone. I consider myself to be a normal person, although I do have some neurotic tendencies and engage in self-harm.

—— The questioner says that they are very "tired." Could you please elaborate on what specifically makes you feel tired? For example, is it the pressure of studying, the expectations of family members, worries about family relationships, or something else?

It is often said that things will improve after the college entrance exam, but the questioner is not convinced. Could it be that their depression will not improve?

Could it be that you're struggling to fulfill your desires, or perhaps to control your relationships in reality?

...

Could it be that interpersonal relationships really bring the questioner "out of control and confused"? Sometimes you feel normal in your relationships, but then you cut all ties?

Could you please elaborate on the nature of the confusion and inner conflict you're experiencing? It seems as if you're constantly navigating a complex inner world, and your relationships may be affected by this.

It may be helpful to consider whether this is where the questioner's inner conflict lies.

The questioner said that they have never hurt others, but they do self-harm. It's possible that self-harm is often the result of certain needs and desires that have not been met, cannot be realized, or are suppressed and cannot be expressed internally. When they are unable to attack outwardly, they begin to attack themselves? It would be helpful to understand how the questioner hurts themselves.

I'm wondering if there are any other ideas that might be helpful to consider.

Could it be that you have dreams that you can't fulfill for the time being? Or perhaps you're in a relationship that you can't control for the time being?

Could it be that you haven't yet fulfilled other people's expectations? Is that why the questioner is feeling "depressed" or tired?

It may be the case that when the questioner's true inner thoughts are expressed effectively, they can regain control of their relationships and be true to themselves. Similarly, when the questioner's ideals and desires become reality, it may be the case that the questioner's body and mind will truly feel comfortable.

I'm not sure what's going on with me, what kind of personality I have. I'd love to know how I can get out of this low place.

It might also be worth considering whether it could be "interpersonal/family relationships that you cannot control" or "repressed dreams/longings"... At the age of adolescence in the second year of high school, there is often a desire to be recognized, to be noticed, and to be loved... These are all thoughts and hopes that can be had at this age. It can be helpful to accept all past experiences, learn to express your emotions, and find a suitable way to release them. Let's explore the possibilities of getting out of the doldrums together!

In light of the circumstances of the questioner, it might be helpful to consider approaching the matter in this way:

[1] It might be helpful to accept all your past experiences, including the disordered family relationships, the two extremes of interpersonal relationships, your own exhaustion, your "depression" diagnosis, your "whimsical thoughts," and your desire to be accompanied/abused by PUAs. Perhaps this is the true inner thoughts of the questioner, with nowhere to express and tell, and the result of not getting the response that "our primary nurturer" deserves?

[2] It is important to recognize that these feelings, thoughts, and expectations are reasonable and valid. It is understandable why you may have experienced a lack of timely responses and insufficient attention and companionship from your family members. This is not your fault, but rather a result of their unconsciousness or lack of awareness. It is possible that these limitations are due to the circumstances of your family. Now that you are aware of this longing, it is an ideal time to seek the truth. You have the option of exploring yourself or seeking guidance from a professional psychological teacher. This will help you understand your true inner needs and learn to express your emotions and feelings.

[3] When those thoughts come, it might be helpful to express and communicate them to a trusted family member, friend, teacher, etc. It's possible that those "fantasy/whimsical thoughts" are just the images of our long-suppressed desires. Sharing with someone what kind of relationship you desire could also be beneficial.

It might also be helpful to communicate your true thoughts with your parents and family.

[4] Additionally, the questioner's academic performance, appearance, and family are all positive attributes. It would be beneficial to leverage these advantages. Despite a diagnosis of depression, the questioner has demonstrated resilience in maintaining academic performance and self-control. It is my hope that the questioner can continue to cultivate self-awareness and self-control, and engage in constructive behaviors.

[5] It might be helpful to consider taking responsibility for yourself, starting with self-care. It could also be beneficial to learn to accept your various "confusions/confusions" during adolescence. Acceptance may be a key factor in facilitating change. You might like to try to save yourself. You could read a book, and I recommend "Embrace Your Depressive Mood" here. There are nine major methods to choose from, and I believe there is always a good solution for you. If you feel you really can't help yourself, you might like to consider coming to the Yixinli platform to find professional psychological teachers for help.

In summary, this is my understanding and response to the questioner's question. It is my hope that it will be a source of positive and helpful inspiration and assistance to the questioner.

I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to drop you a quick line to see how you're doing. I'm always here if you need anything. Take care!

My name is Sunshine, and I'm here at Yixinli to support you and the world. ?

Dear Question Asker,

From your description, it is evident that you seek solitude-that-is-so-uncomfortable-10952.html" target="_blank">companionship, recognition, warmth, and affection. As a high school student, despite your physical maturity, you may still exhibit psychological characteristics associated with childhood. It is typical for children to receive love and attention from their parents, and their emotional development is generally on par with that of their peers.

It is possible that this is not the case. One might not have resided with one's father or mother on a permanent basis, and thus lack the innate love that parents have for their children. Envy may be present even when others claim that their parents are annoying and always boss them around, and that they have no freedom at all. It may be perceived that being bound is also happiness, and that what one has is not valuable. There may be a desire to be like everyone else and live like other people one's age.

Your inner desire compels you to accept all those who express affection towards you, despite your own feelings towards them. You derive pleasure from the attention you receive.

I will serve as a receptacle for your emotions, a place where you can release your feelings. If you require companionship, I am available to listen and provide a supportive space for you to share your thoughts. The One Mind receptacle is designed to offer a multitude of responses to those in need of understanding and warmth. We prioritize individuals who are in need of emotional support and are seeking guidance.

I am not a licensed psychologist or a mental health professional. I am merely a listener with a background in psychology and cannot diagnose or prescribe treatment for mental illness. However, I believe I have a sufficient understanding of your situation to empathize with your experience. If I were in your position, I might not be as resilient as you.

It is a basic human desire to seek companionship and love. Those who are fortunate enough to experience these things may not fully appreciate their value, whereas those who lack them, or are unable to form them, or have them but they are ephemeral, may find themselves in a state of distress. You have expressed a desire to sever all human relationships. I can comprehend your perspective. The relationships I have experienced have not aligned with my expectations, and they are unable or unwilling to accommodate my emotional needs. These individuals are also occupied with their own pursuits and responsibilities. It is not their obligation to prioritize my attention, and therefore I am justified in seeking solitude.

You assert that you have never caused harm to others and that you are typically quite normal, which indicates that you are a benevolent individual who does not allow their emotions to affect others. Even if the entire world is sympathetic towards you, you still cannot do anything to upset the external world, right? You are kind and you adhere to social norms.

However, this can lead to feelings of distress. How, then, might one cope? One's inner desires are not being met, and one is unable to release pent-up emotions. One is unable to influence the outside world, so one turns the gun on oneself. One can abuse oneself, right? Perhaps abusing oneself will make one feel better. This is the extent of the coping strategy. One might become a little addicted. One might also find an excuse for someone else to care about one, or an excuse to understand one's abnormality, so one becomes even more addicted.

It is my contention that the majority of individuals experience a sense of solitude throughout their lives. Those who hold elevated expectations of others are more likely to experience feelings of disappointment and sadness when those expectations are not met.

Individuals are often preoccupied with a multitude of responsibilities, including occupational endeavors, financial concerns, academic pursuits, and leisure activities. They strive to fulfill their perceived purpose in life, which often leaves them with limited time and energy. In my case, I perceive a lack of affection and attention from my husband. This has led to feelings of neglect and isolation, which in turn have caused me significant distress. Despite my desire for him to demonstrate care and consideration, I often feel overwhelmed and unable to achieve this level of attention.

During a recent visit to the hospital for a consultation, I came to understand why female doctors often appear impatient, while male doctors tend to be more patient and feel that they are more professional. I realized that women typically dedicate half of their hearts to their homes and families, while men often invest their entire hearts in their work. This may reflect the traditional division of labor in society. After men get married, they often prioritize their careers, which suggests that they do not dislike their loved ones or neglect their families. Instead, they may approach these relationships in a different manner.

Upon realizing this, I ceased to have additional expectations of him. If he does not return home for meals, he does not; if he does not engage in conversation with me, he does not. I previously tended to fret over his whereabouts and activities, but I have since shifted my focus to self-care. I work diligently, I attend to the children's needs, I engage in physical activity, I sing, I watch dramas, I interact with friends – I maintain a sense of balance. I am not absolving him of responsibility; I am absolving myself.

You are fortunate to have had the opportunity to attend high school. Many children in rural areas lack access to education. It is likely that you have been raised by a father, mother, or other relative. While they may not be physically present, their role in your upbringing is profound. You have accumulated a multitude of advantages, some of which you may not have fully recognized or appreciated. Just as I expect my husband to demonstrate his love for me through actions like coming home for dinner, he may express his love in other ways, such as working overtime to earn more money. By lowering expectations of others, you may feel a sense of relief. However, reconciling with others is also a form of reconciliation with yourself. It is beneficial to focus on self-improvement, such as dedicating yourself to rigorous academic studies. This approach aligns with the notion that personal growth is a valuable pursuit in itself.

The world and I extend our love to you. It is my hope that you will soon discover the happiness that awaits you.