How to cope with the discomfort and frustration of not having a private space?

Hello!

You went to college, which is amazing! But you feel unhappy and bored because you don't have any alone time. So is this the first time you've lived away from home in college? You didn't live in school when you were in elementary school, junior high school, or high school, did you?

Another situation is if you lived in a boarding school in high school. That must have been quite an experience! When did you first feel unhappy and bored without any alone time?

1. "I absolutely love being around my family!"

This sentence suggests that the original poster may be more like a three-year-old child, which is fascinating because it means that the younger the child, the less they want to interact with people other than their parents (I don't mean this in a derogatory way). What I want to say is that the original poster may not have differentiated from their own family of origin, and they have not completed self-differentiation. This presents an incredible opportunity for growth and change! They are still in a state of "symbiosis" with their parents, which is a wonderful thing.

So, who is the one refusing to "wean" between parents and children?

Now, let's dive into the fascinating world of families in a "symbiotic" relationship. These families often have a unique sense of "separation" where, even though the children have grown up, the parents still see themselves as their children's guardians, guiding them with love and support.

Many parents are unable to withdraw gracefully from a symbiotic relationship with their children, unable to see their children as independent individuals. No matter how old the child is, they see the child as part of themselves, unable to distinguish between you and me, him and her. This presents an exciting opportunity for parents to embrace the incredible journey of their children's growth and development. As a result, the child is unable to direct their libido outward, unable to better establish relationships with peers, and this has an impact on their future work and career.

From a family therapy perspective, when an individual has a high degree of differentiation, they can separate events from emotions and have excellent emotional adjustment and coping strategies!

On the other hand, when an individual's self-differentiation is strong, it means that their thoughts and feelings are well-separated from others. This makes it easier for them to control their emotions and make their own decisions.

Some studies have found some pretty amazing things! When individuals have a better sense of self-differentiation, they are better able to establish intimate relationships, and their sense of well-being and physical and mental comfort will increase accordingly. In addition, parents' ability to differentiate also affects their children's ability to differentiate. Children whose parents have a low sense of differentiation also have a low sense of differentiation.

I really hope that my perspective on this issue will give the questioner something to think about. If this anxiety is affecting your studies and life, then it is definitely worth seeking good counseling from a school counselor. Because you cannot establish an emotional connection with others, it will have an impact on your future marriage, intimate relationships, and work – but you can definitely overcome this!

Wishing you all the best!

Hello!

Host:

The poster wants space and is brave enough to seek help. This will help him understand himself better.

I will also share my thoughts in the post, which may help the hostess understand the situation better.

1. Treat yourself kindly by leaving.

The host is unhappy and bored because she doesn't have any alone time. The school is always full.

The landlord might want to think about renting a place outside the school district.

The landlord's mood may be better with this space. We have to treat ourselves kindly by leaving.

Leaving doesn't mean the other person is bad. It means we don't feel good when we're with them. We need to take responsibility for our emotions.

The landlord should consider this proposal if they can.

2. Find out why you hate people outside your family.

The original poster hates spending time with people other than family.

Then I think the original poster has thought about why they behave this way. If they could express this annoyance, what would they want to express? What needs are hidden behind it?

The original poster needs to explore this. Understanding the needs behind our emotions helps us understand ourselves and why we hate spending time with people outside our family.

3. Learn and grow.

In relationships, we can only control ourselves. We need to improve and grow.

We need basic social skills, no matter what age we are. Once we know why we act the way we do, we can work on improving ourselves.

If it's because of trauma, you can try to heal.

You can also seek help. If you can, go to counseling or a psychiatric department.

I hope these ideas help the original poster. I am Zeng Chen, a coach from Yixinli.

Good morning, colleague. I see the confusion you are facing now, and I extend my support in the form of a brief embrace.

You are experiencing some interpersonal challenges. Please accept this warm embrace.

I am curious to know whether you have experienced any form of personal injury outside of your family environment.

Subsequently, you develop a strong aversion to social interaction.

If you spend a significant amount of time with people, you may be at an increased risk of experiencing negative interactions. This could potentially lead to feelings of distress and a preference for solitude.

As long as you avoid contact with people, you will not be harmed unnecessarily again.

This is an instinctive self-defense mechanism of the body.

However, we are social animals, and it is not feasible to maintain complete isolation for an extended period.

What is the recommended course of action at this juncture?

I recommend that you consult with the school psychologist to address any past harm you may have experienced in your interpersonal relationships.

The school counselor is available to assist you free of charge.

To address the issue at hand, it is essential to acknowledge and address the underlying causes of the pain experienced in past interactions with others.

I hope you are able to find an effective solution to the problem you are facing as soon as possible.

Please be advised that these are the only suggestions I can offer at this time.

I hope my above responses are helpful and inspiring to you. I am the solution, and I study diligently every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.