How to cultivate a high-emotion intelligence way of dealing with things?

Good morning, I am a whale social worker. Best regards,

The concept of "emotional intelligence" was first proposed by psychologists Salovey and Mayer. The three core abilities of emotional intelligence are:

1. The capacity to identify and regulate emotions, both one's own and those of others.

2. The capacity to motivate oneself

3. The capacity to manage interpersonal relationships effectively.

These three abilities are progressive, developing from the inside out and building comprehensive capabilities. The first step is understanding, perceiving, and managing your own emotions and those of others. Once this foundation is established, you can then focus on internal self-motivation and external relationship management.

Are we placing undue emphasis on the development of emotional intelligence, and what are the factors that contribute to its deficiency?

The term "low emotional intelligence" is a self-imposed label.

One of the common mistakes that individuals with low emotional intelligence make is that they often realize that they have low emotional intelligence, label themselves as such, and then struggle to improve it. This can lead to a negative self-perception and a lack of motivation to continue trying to enhance their emotional intelligence.

We tend to use labels and concepts to differentiate between concepts, but in reality, there is no intrinsic distinction between "low emotional intelligence" and "poor emotional intelligence." Individuals may simply exhibit different behaviors. Rather than self-criticizing for having "low emotional intelligence," those who perceive themselves as having "low emotional intelligence" should strive to comprehend the underlying factors influencing emotional intelligence and implement necessary adjustments.

Individuals with limited emotional intelligence may exhibit a lack of self-acceptance.

Psychoanalysis suggests that an individual's lack of self-acceptance and self-acceptance may originate from an unhealthy parent-child dynamic, characterised by a lack of self-acceptance and self-acceptance on the part of the parents. Another potential cause is the numerous stimulating experiences encountered during the growth process that are not adequately acknowledged or validated.

This kind of suboptimal educational and environmental model may be the root cause of an individual's low EQ. This also aligns with a well-established perspective.

It is thought that emotional intelligence is more influenced by the environment and may even have a genetic basis (this is not a genetic inheritance, but a genetic inheritance of family behaviour patterns). If a child never receives understanding or respect from their parents during their formative years, they will not learn how to understand others.

If, during the growth process, the child receives too much external negativity and criticism, they will always be in a state of tension, questioning their own existence. This prevents the child from comprehensively understanding themselves.

This results in children remaining in a state of tension, attempting to eliminate self-doubt and hindering their ability to form an objective perception of themselves. It also limits their capacity to understand others.

What are the key steps to improving our emotional intelligence?

Firstly, if you wish to enhance your emotional intelligence, it is advisable to avoid indiscriminate practice of skills. It would be prudent to initially assess your capacity to accept yourself. In the event that you are unable to do so, it would be beneficial to address the issue of self-acceptance, address any residual psychological trauma from childhood, and ascertain whether your defensive mechanisms remain effective.

This necessitates an examination of internal changes and a commitment to modifying thinking habits and belief systems.

Secondly, it is important to develop the capacity to manage your own negative emotions effectively.

It is crucial to effectively manage negative emotions to ensure they do not impact our daily lives and decision-making processes. To alter our emotional response to a situation, we must first alter our perception of it.

The most effective approach is the ABC Rational Emotive Therapy model, as proposed by Ellis.

Third, the capacity to remain calm in the face of pressure.

Almost everyone experiences stress in their professional lives. The most important thing to remember when you are under pressure is to remain calm.

If you are experiencing anger towards another individual, it is advisable to take a moment to compose yourself before responding. Counting to ten can often provide the necessary space to reflect and identify a more constructive approach to communication.

If you are still angry after counting to ten, it is advisable to temporarily set the matter aside and return to it when you have regained your composure.

Fourth, the capacity to maintain composure and convey challenging emotions when appropriate.

There are occasions in our professional lives when it is necessary to set boundaries with colleagues and clients. This allows them to understand our priorities and expectations. It is therefore important to practise expressing negative emotions.

It is important to be able to decline requests without feeling ashamed. Sometimes it is necessary to prioritize your own needs and fight for the reward you deserve for your efforts.

This approach will result in reduced stress and emotional distress. However, it is important to understand the most effective ways to express these emotions.

The XYZ method can be used to identify emotional responses to specific behaviors in particular situations. Some examples are provided below for illustration:

"I believe I should be more recognized for my contributions to the company."

"I was offended by the teasing I received at the dinner yesterday."

If you feel that your emotional intelligence is low, you should start making changes now. As the renowned psychologist Karen Horney stated in her book, "The Conflict Within Us," all individuals have the potential to change themselves, even to the extent of completely reinventing themselves, provided they are still alive.

Best regards, Yi Xinli Whale Social Worker