How to deal with a coach lacking empathy?

Hello, Teacher Tian Tian. I see your confusion. You say you've encountered this coach who has no empathy. You need to take control of the situation.

Let's get one thing straight before I answer your question. This female trainer has appeared quite a few times here, so before we look at this incident, has the questioner herself noticed anything?

Let's review this incident. Last Friday, the female instructor put you through a dynamic plank, and you still bruised your elbow. On Saturday, you showed the injury to the other person, likely hoping for some sympathy or for the female instructor to take your injury seriously. However, she dismissed it as just a superficial scrape and called you lucky.

You thought it would take six weeks to heal after being worn out two years ago, which is equivalent to two months. This is normal. If I were you, I would express my discomfort and make sure the other person paid attention to my wound, rather than dismissing it with a few simple words.

It seems that Miss Tiantian is not fully accepting of the coach's emotional quotient and is quite satisfied with her professionalism. You are considering how to communicate with her.

Miss Tian Tian must understand that emotional intelligence cannot be changed overnight, and the way the female trainer speaks cannot be changed in a short period of time. You have the option of chatting with the female trainer during training time, using the method of "Nonviolent Communication," and you can also suggest that the trainer speak more gently. Of course, you can also choose to replace her, because you are going to the gym, not for interpersonal interactions, and you are God (the customer), not there to take abuse.

I thought of it as soon as I got on. At Yixinli, the world and I love you ❤️❤️❤️.

Good day, host.

It is unclear what your objective is in practicing yoga. If your intention is merely to pass the time, strengthen your body, and enhance your physical grace, and you do not intend to pursue a professional path, then it can be considered a hobby that enriches your life.

If the objective is to enhance one's quality of life, it is logical to seek an intervention that will elicit positive outcomes. In my case, a six-week period was spent in anticipation, only to receive a dismissive response from the coach. In my view, this particular course of action lacks intrinsic value. Based on my experience, I offer two pieces of advice:

1. It is advisable to communicate with your yoga teacher. You have been learning here for a few years and should be familiar with her. It would be prudent to inform her directly that this makes you feel very uncomfortable and hope that she will apologize to you. You may also choose to contact the individual responsible for this organization and explain the situation. Given that a similar incident has already occurred, it is likely that it will happen again. A few days ago, I observed on Douyin that a student's waist was broken when the teacher stepped on it. Despite their professional status, there is no guarantee that they will act professionally, so it is essential to speak up.

2. In the event that a satisfactory outcome cannot be achieved and a genuine interest in yoga persists, it is possible to switch to a different organization and instructor. As the financial responsibility lies with the individual, this provides a degree of autonomy.

3. Consider whether your own actions or inactions may have contributed to the situation. If the activity is not suitable for you, you have the option to refrain from participating. I have also studied yoga previously. I have a herniated disc in my lower back, and during a practice session, my teacher also stepped on my foot with considerable force, which caused me significant discomfort. At the time, she also asserted that it was not a major issue, but later I came to believe that my body was not well-suited for this sport and that there was no need for me to subject myself to unnecessary hardship, so I ceased participation midway through.

Professionals who choose this path will undoubtedly face greater challenges than those who engage in these activities solely for leisure. They must rely on their own judgment and may experience significant personal costs as a result.

Ultimately, one must heed their inner voice. Regardless of whether one aspires to pursue a career or simply enjoy leisure time, if one does not feel at ease about a situation, it is imperative to express one's feelings and engage in constructive dialogue with the other party. The outcome may not be within one's control, and it could potentially lead to positive or negative consequences. However, it is always preferable to speak up and communicate openly rather than suppressing one's emotions.

As the arbiter of your own destiny, it is incumbent upon you to maintain a positive outlook.

Dear Questioner, I empathize with your situation. Working with a coach who is indifferent or unsupportive can be frustrating and disconcerting.

There is no need for concern. Let us work together to identify solutions and enhance our communication with her.

First and foremost, it is important to recognise that everyone has their own unique characteristics and communication styles. It is possible that the coach is not being deliberately indifferent, but rather has a particular way of expressing herself that makes us feel uncomfortable.

Let's consider this from another perspective and strive for greater understanding.

Next, I would like to provide some specific advice to help you communicate more effectively with your coach. First, you can choose an appropriate time and place to have an in-depth conversation with your coach.

You may wish to inform your coach that your elbows are chafing when you perform the dynamic plank, which is causing you discomfort. At the same time, you could express your hope that she will pay closer attention to your physical condition and feelings.

When communicating, it is important to remain calm and sincere, as this will enable the coach to understand your sincerity and expectations.

Furthermore, you can collaborate with your coach to identify a solution to the issue. You can propose specific solutions, such as the use of elbow pads or other protective gear to prevent elbow injuries.

Additionally, you may request guidance from your coach regarding protective measures and techniques to safeguard your well-being during exercise.

In addition to communicating with your coach, you may also wish to seek support and guidance from other sources. For instance, you could ask other coaches or fitness professionals for their insights and advice.

They may be able to provide you with some practical methods and techniques to assist you in addressing this issue more effectively.

In closing, I would like to remind you to avoid excessive self- or other-imposed expectations. We all possess unique strengths and weaknesses, and it is essential to maintain a commitment to continuous learning and growth.

In this process, it is essential to learn to accept and respect others, as well as to care for and take care of ourselves.

I hope these suggestions are helpful. Please remember that you are not alone in this problem, and that there are many people who are willing to support and help you.

Have confidence in your abilities and you will be able to overcome this challenging period. Best wishes for success!

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

To truly solve a problem, you must notice your emotions, identify the issues, consider alternative perspectives, find new solutions, and implement them effectively.

The accomplice made the same mistake. You have to understand a person.

The incident that caused the questioner's displeasure was that last week, when doing exercise, the questioner's female coach wanted to take the questioner to do dynamic plank support. During the exercise, the questioner's left elbow was bruised. After that, the questioner told the female coach that his hand was hurt. She responded after seeing it that it was okay, just a little skin on the hand.

Facing the female coach's low-emotional-intelligence response, the questioner was understandably uncomfortable. This was not the first time something like this had happened. Two years ago, it was also because of the female coach's negligence that the questioner also injured her elbow, and it took six weeks to recover.

The female coach still has problems that she usually ignores when teaching classes to members at work. However, this time the questioner dares to raise it with her. The questioner wants to remind the female coach that she has not considered whether the members will get hurt. Her answer proves that she fails to understand the questioner's thoughts. It is impossible for the questioner to teach her how to deal with this situation.

Not everyone improves and grows.

The questioner knows the female coach well and is aware that she has low emotional intelligence. Despite being unhappy with the answer, she did not continue to express her feelings. She was aware that the topic might continue and that the coach would say more things that she could not accept.

You should have learned your lesson, but you got hurt again. I can say with confidence that your trust in the female coach's ability to improve is the reason you got hurt again this time. After all, in the past two years, the female coach could not have remained stagnant.

As it turned out, the female coach was careless, did not consider the members during the exercise, and did not find the problems in her own exercise process to improve the bad experience that the exercise process might bring to the members.

Is this a normal way of thinking?

Different experiences, different ideas, on the same thing. Some people have a simpler outlook on things because of their personality. This perceived simplicity often makes them ignore the feelings of others. This is not abnormal thinking.

☀️ Lower expectations: The questioner has come to understand the female coach to be a person with low emotional intelligence. In the face of the questioner's injury, she did not feel the slightest remorse, and her response was unacceptable. It was as if the questioner's injury were a normal thing.

The female coach's negligence and inability to comprehend others' words are evident from the fact that she injured a member during her work process. She is not a person with a delicate mind.

The questioner has known the female coach for many years and can say with confidence that she also knows her relatively well. This injury and the upset caused by the female coach's response are the result of the questioner having set her expectations too high. It is important to note that lowering expectations of the female coach does not mean everyone is making progress.

☀️Give advice: The female coach has low emotional intelligence and relatively weak comprehension skills. She may have a personality problem and is used to being straightforward. She will not understand hints.

The questioner can directly give suggestions to the coach in the face of carelessness. This is also feedback the questioner has experienced after exercising themselves. This allows the coach to make progress and improve themselves. For example, if the same injury occurs in the same sport, the coach should consider doing it on the mat. Perhaps knee pads are necessary? Ask the member's wishes before the start of the exercise to prevent it from happening.

The feedback and suggestions from the questioner will make the female coach aware of her inappropriate behavior, allowing her to see more problems in her work, make appropriate adjustments and changes, and allow members to have a better experience during the exercise.

☀️Change what can be changed: After knowing each other for a few years, it's clear that the female coach has not changed much. It's likely that fewer people have corrected her for some mistakes in her life and work. She is not a person who observes and reflects on herself, so it is difficult to change her.

After the questioner asked questions and made suggestions to the female coach, she remained the same. The questioner should then consider this: since it is impossible to change others, then change what you can change yourself. The questioner should choose a better coach for themselves.

The female coach has repeatedly caused the questioner to feel upset, and her low emotional intelligence makes it difficult for her to communicate or avoid unpleasant situations. Until she reflects on herself and makes changes, the questioner's emotions will only be affected by having more contact with her. In order to exercise more smoothly and happily, the questioner should consider changing coaches.

I am confident that my answer is helpful. Best regards.

Hi, I'm Jokerev. I get it, my friend.

In a situation like this, you might be feeling a mix of pain, confusion, and loss. First of all, I want to offer you some comfort. The physical pain is real, and your feelings are just as worthy of respect and understanding.

The female coach's response is technically correct—it is indeed only a superficial scratch—but it doesn't seem to take into account your painful experience and emotional needs. This suggests a potential deficiency in her interpersonal communication and empathy, which are components of emotional intelligence.

Everyone has their own way of expressing themselves and thinking. She might be great at her job, but in person she can come across as a bit blunt and inconsiderate.

You can find a good time to tell her, in a calm and honest way, that when she was rubbing your elbow and you showed her the wound, you were hoping for some care and comfort. Even though you knew it was just a superficial scratch, you still felt a little lonely and disappointed when you heard that it was just a scratch.

You could then say, "If something similar happens next time, I'd like you to show you care before you analyze the injury. You could say something like, 'Ouch, it looks like training has been tough on you. I'm sorry.'"

Luckily, it's just a superficial scratch, and it'll heal quickly. This makes me feel warmer.

"

Finally, let her know you still respect her professional skills and suggest she work on her interpersonal skills in the teaching process: "You're a coach I trust a lot, and your professional guidance has helped me a lot. I think if you can pay more attention to the emotional needs of your students while paying attention to technical details, it will make our relationship more harmonious and the training process more enjoyable."

It seems that you would like your coach to demonstrate greater concern and understanding, particularly when you are injured. The coach's response may have led you to feel that she did not fully appreciate your feelings. In this case, you may wish to consider the following ways of communicating with your coach:

1. Speak up: Identify an appropriate time to discuss your concerns with your trainer in a private setting. Clearly communicate your feelings when injured and your desired response.

You could say, "I've noticed that when I'm injured, you seem to underestimate the severity of the injury. I'd like you to acknowledge my concerns and provide more reassuring responses."

"

2. Provide feedback to your coach regarding the manner in which you would prefer to be communicated with. For instance, you might say, "When I'm injured, I would appreciate some compassion and care to help me feel better."

3. Understand your coach: It is also important to understand that your coach may not be ignoring your feelings intentionally. She may simply not be aware of your expectations or may not know how to express her concern appropriately.

4. **Seek support**: If you find it challenging to communicate directly, you may wish to seek assistance from other coaches or management personnel to help you convey your feelings.

5. **Setting boundaries**: If the coach's response consistently causes you discomfort, you may wish to consider establishing some boundaries, such as requesting that she demonstrate greater concern when you are injured.

It is important to remember that communication with calmness and respect is more likely to result in a positive response. Do you believe this approach would be beneficial in your relationship with your coach?

Please let us know if you have any other thoughts or feelings on this matter.

Hello! I'd like to extend a warm hug from afar to you.

I'm heartened to see that you've sought assistance, and I hope that my input can offer some support and guidance.

From your description, it seems that you are seeking respect, understanding, consideration, and comfort. When your coach did not respond in the way you expected emotionally, it led to a sense of disappointment, didn't it?

While the bruises from doing the plank this time are much lighter than last time, it seems that the underlying issue is that you feel a lack of care, value, concern, consideration, or comfort from your coach. What are your thoughts on this?

It's understandable that when you first experienced a bruise on your foot, you might have been a little hesitant about stretching your foot. As your coach, I believe it's important to consider your safety and whether you're ready for this training program. This shows respect, attention, care, and consideration for you as an individual.

It is important to recognize that feeling aggrieved, angry, and helpless when you feel neglected in front of the coach is a normal response. It is understandable that the coach may lack the ability to pay attention to you, care for you, be considerate, and comfort you when you are hurt, as she is more focused on her professionalism.

How should one respond in such a situation?

As someone who feels emotionally neglected, you might consider bravely and honestly telling your coach your true feelings and needs in that moment. This could help her realize that her behavior makes you feel neglected and aggrieved. Once she realizes the harm her unconscious behavior has caused you, she may be more open to trying to change.

It is important to accept that she may not change, and to try to change the way you treat her. When you feel ignored and left out, it is crucial to stop choosing to default, not respond, or repress and hide your true inner emotional feelings. Instead, you should try to bravely and honestly express your true inner feelings and needs in that moment. If you really resist that project, you have the option of choosing not to train it. What do you say?

It is important to remember that you know your body best and deserve to be treated with respect.

Hello, Teacher Tiantian. I hope this message finds you well. I'm Jiang 61.

I'm happy to have been able to answer your question. You asked, "What should I do when I encounter an unsympathetic instructor?"

"Perhaps we could hug Teacher Tian Tian first, and then discuss this problem together.

1. Introduction

I would like to discuss the injury.

You mentioned that on Friday afternoon, the female instructor led me through a dynamic plank, which she had also demonstrated on the yoga mat two years ago. At that time, both elbows had sustained significant chafing, and it took approximately six weeks for me to fully recover. So on Friday afternoon, the female instructor guided me through a different kind of dynamic plank, this time on a low vaulting box. Despite my best efforts, it was inevitable that my left elbow chafed.

I brought my concerns to my coach before class on Saturday, and she reassured me that it was just a minor issue.

It would seem that abrasions may have occurred.

Two years ago, Teacher Tiantian practiced plank on her yoga mat and experienced some discomfort in her elbows. This time, she practiced again, and although she changed the support mat, she still had some discomfort in her left elbow.

I believe this may be a repetitive problem.

Perhaps it would be helpful to mention that the repeated elbow abrasions are a result of the same mistake being made, albeit to varying degrees.

From our discussion, I understand that the coach may not be fully aware of the challenges that have arisen during the yoga training.

2⃣️, uncomfortable

You say, "That sounds a bit uncomfortable. She may have a low emotional quotient and sometimes speaks without thinking.

How might one go about communicating with such a coach when one encounters one? Another coach might respond in a way such as this: "It seems that neither of us noticed during yesterday's class, which is why you scraped your elbow. It's possible that I was at least partly to blame, so please accept my sincere apologies."

"This is just how a normal coach thinks."

I believe the response was...

The female coach's response may be perceived as somewhat uncomfortable. She hugs you and is a bit impersonal. You may feel that she could put herself in other people's shoes a little more.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

Perhaps the response you're hoping for would be one where the coach acknowledges her own role in the situation and takes steps to address it, while also offering support and an apology to help you feel at ease.

2. Analysis of the coach's response

1⃣️, Coaching

It might be helpful to consider the concept of emotional indifference.

Emotional indifference can be defined as a state of mind that refers to a lack of attention and care for the emotions of others or oneself, or a lack of emotional expression and empathy due to emotional numbness.

Perhaps we could say that she displays a certain degree of indifference.

People who are emotionally indifferent can display a wide range of behaviors. Your female coach is one such person. She may appear insensitive and unconcerned about emotional events and emotional needs. This could be because she doesn't always put herself in your shoes and consider your pain.

As a result, they may not be fully attuned to the underlying emotions conveyed in words, which could potentially lead to a lack of response.

2⃣️, Intergenerational Transmission

It would be beneficial to consider the concept of intergenerational transmission.

It might be said that intergenerational transmission is a complex concept that encompasses the phenomenon of the parent generation imparting a range of characteristics to their children. These characteristics extend beyond the physical and mental to encompass social characteristics such as values, behavioural patterns and lifestyles.

It is possible that intergenerational transmission may be either positive or negative.

It would be remiss of me not to mention the influence of family and upbringing.

A person's behavior and thought processes are often shaped by their upbringing. It is therefore understandable that the coach's behavior and approach to situations may have been influenced by her upbringing.

She suspects that her family members may not have demonstrated a great deal of emotional expressiveness. She has not been able to perceive the emotional importance attached to her by her loved ones. Due to intergenerational transmission and teaching by example, she has not learned to value the emotional expression and feedback of others, and has become somewhat emotionally indifferent.

3⃣️, Personality reasons

In addition to external factors, a person's behavior is also influenced by internal psychological factors and personality reasons. It could be said that your coach displays some characteristics of a radical personality.

It would be fair to say that this individual displays many of the characteristics associated with a radical personality.

One might suggest that a radical personality is characterized by a strong sense of purpose, a strong will, and a natural inclination towards leadership.

One of the most notable characteristics of the radical child is their strong sense of purpose, which shapes their strengths and weaknesses. Their approach to action is driven by a clear goal.

If the goal is not achieved, he will continue to persevere until he succeeds. He may choose to be indifferent to the process in order to achieve his goal.

It could be said that people with an aggressive personality may have relatively poor empathy.

A radical person will persevere in the face of adversity and is likely to possess the qualities of a natural leader. They tend to have a high level of energy and vitality, and are often driven by ambitious goals and the ability to withstand pressure. Decision-making and perseverance are also common traits. These qualities can contribute to effective leadership.

Additionally, he tends to naturally gravitate towards a leadership style that involves controlling others, which is not always the most effective approach in all situations.

It would be beneficial to understand the characteristics of people with an aggressive personality.

A radical personality is often defined by the following characteristics:

Characteristics: strong-willed, action-oriented, energetic, achievement-oriented.

She has many strengths, including courage, decisiveness, perseverance, and the ability to overcome challenges. She is highly self-disciplined, which is an asset in any leader.

She may also have some weaknesses, such as being short-tempered, lacking empathy, being too stubborn, arrogant, or complacent.

Therefore, due to her personality, the female coach is not intentionally inconsiderate, but subconsciously goal-oriented, completing the task of teaching you, and not taking the fact that you have a scratch on your skin as a matter of concern. It makes you feel that she could perhaps be more empathetic.

She speaks without thinking, perhaps without fully considering the implications of her words.

3. What can we do?

1⃣️, try to understand her

It would be beneficial to try to understand the coach.

Everyone has their own temperament and character, and they all present their own unique selves. It is probably not realistic to expect that we can change others, because they may not want to be changed.

It would seem that the best way to get along with a coach is to try to understand her.

Perhaps the best way forward is to try to understand her.

It would be beneficial to gain an understanding of the coach's personality, characteristics, way of thinking, and behavior. This could help us to comprehend her words and actions more clearly, and avoid any potential misunderstandings.

2⃣️, consider letting go.

Perhaps it would be helpful to try to move on from the past.

It would be beneficial for us to establish a new relationship with the coach. To do so, it might be helpful to let go of the past, including any preconceived notions, thoughts, and emotions from the past. By doing so, we can have the opportunity to get to know ourselves and the coach again.

It would be beneficial to establish a relationship.

We respect the coaching style and practice it within our abilities. At the same time, we believe it is important to communicate our expectations clearly so that she can understand us and form a good communication method.

3⃣️, effective communication

I believe that effective communication is key.

Communication can be defined as the exchange of information. It is a process whereby a message is conveyed to a communication partner with the expectation of a desired response. If this process is achieved, effective communication can be considered complete.

It is worth noting that communication encompasses both verbal and non-verbal elements. While both are important, research suggests that non-verbal cues often carry more weight than verbal ones. Effective communication plays a pivotal role in navigating interpersonal relationships and navigating complex social dynamics.

Here are a few suggestions for effective communication:

I believe that effective communication can be achieved by following four simple steps:

It is important to remember that communication is not about expressing emotions, but rather feelings.

Step 2: It may be more helpful to express what you want, rather than what you don't want. It might be more constructive to say that you are angry, rather than that you are going to express your anger.

Step 3: It would be helpful to express your needs, rather than complaints. It's also important to avoid letting the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Instead of dwelling on the present situation, consider expressing the direction you would like to see things move in. Focusing on the end result can help you move forward.

Ms. Tian Tian, when dealing with a coach who may not be as emotionally communicative as we would like, it's important to understand her personality, not dwell on what she says, and use effective communication to proactively raise our needs and discuss them with her, so that we can solve our own problems.

I would like to take this opportunity to wish you a happy day, Miss Tian Tian.

I don't know much about yoga, but I'm really excited to learn more! I think it's a great addition to any fitness routine.

I believe there are many people in life who have gym memberships, but don't even use them once in three months.

Since many people choose to go to the gym to get fit, they either don't have enough time or are not strong enough in their will — but that's OK!

Of course, there are all kinds of reasons not to go, but that just means there are plenty of reasons to go!

I analyze these things to show you that when it comes to fitness, you can persevere and end up with a chafed elbow from training. And that's not all! It's not even a small wound. It actually took six weeks to heal!

I have to say, you are also considered a "tough person" and a master—and you totally deserve it!

I haven't had the chance to meet a yoga instructor yet, but I've met lots of other kinds of instructors!

For example, driving school instructors, basketball coaches, swimming coaches, and so many more!

And the best part is, there are all kinds of coaches out there! Some are strict, while others are more gentle.

But the great news is that those who are strict are more likely to achieve amazing results!

There's a reason why they say "strict teachers produce outstanding students."

Absolutely! We all know that "strict teachers produce high-achieving students," but that doesn't mean strict teachers can't be warm and caring.

A true "strict teacher" is so much more than just strict! They also have amazing skills, rock-solid ethics, and genuine care.

Since you've only shared a few details about your interactions with the female instructor, and judging from her simple response after seeing your injury,

It could simply be a matter of her being strict, and it might not be a big deal to her. This is a common situation in training or a normal aspect of her personality.

I'm excited to hear more about your experience with this instructor! It's always great to get a chance to provide feedback, especially when it comes to emotional intelligence and speaking without thinking. I'm not sure if you have more facts to back this up, but I'm confident that with a little more information, we can provide more effective advice.

I think everyone has their own style, and I'm sure the correct response you have envisaged will be agreed upon by someone!

In short, I think that since the yoga studio can keep such a coach teaching here for a long time, it's clear they have a certain level of ability!

Absolutely! Everyone has the right to choose their own suitable coach. I think you should definitely apply to change your coach, which will make you feel so much more comfortable during training.

And finally, I'd like to say that training is originally for fitness! So, if training causes physical discomfort, you should adjust or report it to the trainer right away to avoid greater harm.

This will also help you feel much more at ease and comfortable!