How to deal with anxiety caused by feeling less successful than peers?

Hello!

Let me be clear: this kind of anxiety caused by peers being more successful than you is very common. You don't have to feel ashamed or blame yourself for it. However, excessive anxiety is not conducive to our growth and progress. We need to learn how to adjust our state of mind.

Understand this: everyone's growth trajectory is different, and everyone has their own rhythm and pace. Some people may be more successful than you at a certain stage, but that doesn't mean you've failed.

Success is about more than just outward achievements. It's also about inner growth and progress.

Second, shift your focus from other people's success to your own growth. Identify your strengths and advantages, and focus on improving your weaknesses.

Set small goals and achieve them one step at a time. This will give you a greater sense of accomplishment and boost your confidence.

It is crucial to maintain an attitude of learning and progress. You must constantly learn new knowledge and skills and improve your abilities and qualities to stand out from the competition in the future.

Finally, accept your imperfections and failures. You're not perfect, and you won't succeed all the time.

When you encounter setbacks and failures, don't blame yourself or become frustrated. Learn from them and use the experience to prepare for the next challenge.

Forget about other people and your worries. They will only make you tired and frustrated. Believe in yourself, focus on your growth and progress, and you will find that you can go further.

Dear questioner, I get it. We've all been in a similar situation where we feel less anxiety-caused-by-feeling-less-successful-than-peers-4273.html" target="_blank">successful than others and become caught up in anxiety and comparisons.

But here's the thing: This kind of emotion doesn't mean you're not good enough. It's just the "little devil" inside us at work.

First of all, I want to tell you that everyone is unique and has their own rhythm and way of life. Success isn't a straight line, and there's not just one definition.

Your friend has achieved success in the media industry, which is a reward for her hard work and talent. But that doesn't mean you can't find your own success in other fields. You have your own strengths and specialties. You might even be better at other things than she is.

I'd like to give you some specific advice to help you let go of anxiety and comparisons.

1. Focus on your own growth. Instead of comparing yourself to others, focus on your own progress. Set a small goal for yourself every day, whether it's in learning, work, or life. Celebrate your progress when you make it.

When you focus on your own growth, you'll see that your value isn't based solely on comparisons with others.

2. Cultivate positive self-talk. When you start to get caught up in negative emotions, try to change the way you think. Tell yourself, "I'm working hard for my dreams, and every step is a step forward."

This kind of positive self-talk can help you reset your mindset and boost your confidence.

3. Get some help: It can be a good idea to talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling.

You'll find that their support and encouragement will make you feel stronger.

4. Develop hobbies: Apart from work and study, it's a good idea to set aside some time for hobbies. These activities not only help you relax, but also help you discover new sources of self-worth and pleasure.

5. Accept your imperfections: We all have our own shortcomings and weaknesses, and that's okay. Try to accept your imperfections and work to improve.

When you learn to accept yourself, you'll see that your self-confidence and sense of well-being will also increase.

Finally, I want to tell you: letting go of anxiety and comparison is not easy, but it's worth it. When you start paying attention to your growth, cultivating positive self-dialogue, seeking support, cultivating hobbies, and accepting your imperfections, you'll find your life becomes more fulfilling and meaningful.

Believe in yourself and your abilities, and you'll go further on your own path. Go for it!

I can tell that the questioner is struggling with a lot of conflicting emotions. I don't want to be jealous of my friends, and I also want to succeed. But no matter how hard I try, I still end up feeling this way. It doesn't help, and it actually makes me feel worse. I think a lot of people face this kind of situation and feel the same way. They don't understand why it is like this, so it is normal and understandable that the questioner is also troubled.

To solve this problem, you have to change your mindset. Instead of seeing it as something you need to "solve," accept it as part of your life experience. Let these things happen, let friends outperform you, and allow yourself to have all kinds of emotional feelings and thoughts.

Second, tune in to your emotions. Listen to what they're trying to tell you. Get a good understanding of what they're all about. And figure out what you really need. For instance, why do you care so much about your friend being more successful than you? Is it to prove your own success, or is there something else going on?

Then, combine the in-depth information above, think more deeply about it, link what you've done to your own experiences, what's going on around you, and your future plans, and see which aspects fit better with your thinking. Get a clear understanding of your own thinking patterns. Then make some more comparisons, and I believe you will have new discoveries and ideas.

From what the questioner has said, it seems like they have a negative, rejecting, disapproving, and unaccepting attitude towards themselves. This is why they are so eager to succeed in order to gain the recognition of certain people. This is the underlying psychological motivation for them to always do so, but they are unaware of it. Therefore, if they want to solve these problems, they need to gain an in-depth understanding of their inner world. However, it is clear that relying solely on the questioner's own strength is not enough at the moment. I think the most appropriate method is for the questioner to find an appropriate teacher on the platform to do two sessions of psychological counseling. I believe it will be of great help.

Dear question asker,

The individual in question feels that three people are too many for a breakup, yet they are, after all, friends, not lovers. Friendship is not about trying to monopolize the other person.

You indicated that she has initiated her own media venture and has a broader social network, whereas you experience feelings of solitude and social reticence.

Have you ever considered that you selected this lifestyle of your own volition?

Contact with different people can provide nourishment from different sources.

There are numerous categories of friendship, varying in depth and intensity.

The individual with whom one is most closely bonded serves as a reflection of the self.

In essence, the individual in question is driven by a profound desire for social interaction and connection with others, coupled with an inherent need for self-attention and validation.

You experience feelings of envy and self-reproach, questioning why you are unable to emulate her success.

In point of fact, an alternative is available, and thus it would be prudent to consider implementing it.

Even the monk Tang Sanzang had the assistance of a team in obtaining the Buddhist scriptures. It is therefore reasonable to posit that he could not have obtained the genuine texts on his own.

You have previously indicated that you keep yourself busy, yet you report feeling drained.

One might inquire whether this is, in fact, a worthwhile pursuit, or if it is merely a means of keeping oneself occupied.

One might inquire as to the true desire of the individual in question.

The act of playing the part of a persona that is incongruent with one's authentic self can result in a profound sense of fatigue.

It is as though one is being pursued by a relentless adversary, unable to reconcile one's shortcomings and deficiencies.

One should endeavor to decelerate one's pace slightly in order to more fully appreciate the splendor of life. It is imperative to accept oneself for one's shortcomings, including laziness and a lack of proficiency in a multitude of endeavors.

In envisioning the reunion, a sense of revulsion and trepidation arises, accompanied by the apprehension of being subjected to ridicule.

This is, in fact, a product of one's own imagination.

At this moment, you are evaluating yourself negatively.

If one is unable to regard oneself with respect and admiration, it is unlikely that others will do so.

Additionally, you possess a multitude of commendable attributes.

She exhibits both glamorous and vulnerable characteristics.

To illustrate, Li Jiaqi is greatly admired by all. However, due to an unfortunate misstep, he was subjected to a boycott and compelled to issue an apology. Consequently, he now exhibits a reluctance to engage in lighthearted banter within the live broadcast setting, fearful of repeating a similar misstep.

Additionally, he is subjected to considerable pressure.

Your life may not be as glamorous as hers, but you are nevertheless living it to the fullest. You also have your own small goals.

From an alternative perspective, if one has a friend who is consistently motivating and encourages one not to be lazy, it is likely that one will achieve slightly more than one's peers.

The act of comparing oneself to others inevitably leads to the conclusion that there is always someone who is more accomplished, more intelligent, or more successful than oneself. Conversely, when one compares oneself to an internal standard, one is more likely to perceive progress on a daily basis. This internal standard can be a personal goal or a personal achievement.

I encourage you to persevere.

Hello, question asker!

From what you've told me, I can see that you're feeling pretty anxious and confused. It seems like you still care a lot about your former friend.

You ended your friendship with a colleague, not because you had any major issues, but because a third person joined you and it seemed like the two of them were closer. You felt like you weren't getting enough attention, so you ended things with your colleague abruptly, right?

You ended your friendship with a colleague, not because there was a serious issue between you, but because a third person joined you, and you felt that the two of them seemed closer. You didn't get enough attention, so you ended your friendship with your colleague abruptly, right?

Because you're acting out of anger, you feel a little aggrieved and resentful inside. You also doubt yourself, wondering if it's because you're not good enough that you're not being valued. You hope to become better and especially hope to live a better life than your partner, to prove that your original decision was correct.

But this sense of grievance and unwillingness makes you increasingly anxious. The better the other person's life goes, the more unhappy you become. Jealousy and internal conflict make you feel like you have a lot of dark sides. You want to let go, but you don't know how.

My advice for moving on from this issue in your heart is:

1. It's important to recognize that jealousy is a normal emotion.

1. Accept that jealousy is a normal emotion.

Admit that you're a little jealous of your former friend and face this emotion in yourself. In fact, many people "hope that their friends do well, but don't want their friends to do better than them." Most people feel jealous when faced with friends who are doing better than themselves. Jealousy is not a bad thing. Don't think that just because you're jealous of others that you're a bad person. The key is not to let this emotion control you and sway you.

2. Don't put too much emphasis on the other person's strengths.

As you mentioned, you haven't been on Facebook for over a year, so you're not up to speed on what's been going on with the other person. Later, you followed them on the platform and saw some of their videos. What you saw was just their Facebook and video personas, not their real-life selves. Their real-life may not be what you think it is. Don't idealize them in your mind and don't compare your own disadvantages with their advantages. You have your own advantages.

3. Focus on yourself.

Just as you have done, focus on yourself, but you are still so internally consumed because the reason you focus on yourself and make yourself better is to prove that you are better than her, not just to make yourself better. You need to realize that you have your own good, and it's okay as long as you become better than you were. People only need to compare themselves, not with others.

That's Dancing Firefly. Thanks for reading, and I hope you found it helpful.

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can feel your inner confusion and helplessness, but I also see your amazing ability to perceive this uncomfortable emotion and to face it bravely.

After reading your description, I want to give you a big, warm hug! I can feel how much you care about your friend. Decades ago, after not getting in touch because of a small matter, your heart became a little sensitive, and you may have become a little less confident. When you see his message and see his excellence, your heart will involuntarily compare with him, which will make you feel uncomfortable. You want to do better than him, and you will! When you think that if you meet one day, you will be ridiculed, it makes you feel overwhelmed. But you can do this!

From your description, I want to tell you that this is not your fault. It may be related to your previous experiences and family education environment, which made you not care about friendship, have a very special feeling, and only want to be good to one person, so you withdrew from the circle of three people. This matter bothers you a lot and affects your life. In fact, you are aware of it, and coming here is already on the path to change—and change is good!

All problems are our resources! We are experts at solving our own problems. Based on your description, I'm excited to give you some suggestions that I hope will be of help to you!

First of all, I highly recommend being more aware and clarifying.

All problems have a root cause, and there's always a reason behind every feeling. You've recognized this situation as something that affects your life, and I'm here to tell you that you can take control of it! Start by becoming aware of the needs behind your emotions. Why do you feel this way? Are these feelings real? Are they what you want? By constantly becoming aware of and sorting through your emotions, you can help yourself to slowly move out of these uncomfortable feelings and into a new, positive mindset!

Second, it's time to learn to look within yourself!

From your description, I can tell that you are very sensitive and care a lot about this friend. If you didn't care, you wouldn't compare yourself to him and it wouldn't affect your life. So I want to encourage you to look inward more often to find your inner potential and inner strength! Everyone has unlimited potential, and we can find it by looking within. At this time, we need to stop and look at our inner strength, find our inner strength, so that we can have the strength to face this matter.

And then, the best part is that you can learn to release negative emotions!

This kind of emotion can be uncomfortable, but there are ways to shift your focus and find relief! Try meditation, focus on things that make you happy, and get moving to release those pent-up emotions.

And finally, seek help from external resources!

When we encounter something that affects us and we cannot adjust on our own, we can seek help from professional counselors, who can use their professional skills to delve into the root causes in our subconscious, adjust our perceptions, heal our hearts, and give us the strength to face the problem. This is a great way to get the help we need!

And there's more! You can also read more psychology books or take psychology courses to regulate yourself and get out of this uncomfortable mood.

I've got some great book recommendations for you! Check out "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist," "The Courage to Be Disliked," "Be Your Own Psychologist," and "Psychological Nutrition."

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider letting go of the need to surpass others. This could be an important first step on the path to self-acceptance. Distressing emotions and thoughts can be alleviated by learning to truly love others, hoping for their happiness and contentment, and believing in their ability to improve. Everyone has the right to be happy, regardless of who they are or where they are in life. Jealousy can stem from a self-centered mindset that makes it difficult to tolerate and adapt to others. Learning to love and accept yourself and others, to tolerate shortcomings and deficiencies, and to be kind at heart can be beneficial to both yourself and society.

I believe that self-growth and change can be achieved by learning to love others in a genuine way, adapting to different people and situations, and working to improve one's emotional state.

To truly love others is to wish and give others happiness, and to mentally accept, forgive, and forgive everyone, including the weak, whether they are outstanding or ordinary people. If there are mistakes or shortcomings, then they can be corrected. Everyone has the right to happiness, regardless of the closeness or distance of relationships, whether they are right or wrong, gains or losses. We all hope that others can be happy and that they will get better and better. People can bring mutual comfort and even joy to each other. It is good to love and accept others and oneself, to tolerate shortcomings and deficiencies, and to be kind at heart. This is to say that it is beneficial to others or society to be kind, rather than despising or rejecting ordinary people, or being jealous or intolerant of outstanding people.

If you find it challenging to connect with people, it can lead to feelings of negativity and emotional difficulties. It's important to cultivate a genuine love for others, adapt to different personalities and situations, and align your energy to create a more conducive environment for love, meaningful relationships, and fulfilling careers. Sharing and exchanging ideas, experiences, and interests with others, both in person and online, can be a valuable way to connect and grow.

It may be helpful to try to maintain a balance in one's life, finding contentment in both the big and small things.

It is worth noting that negative energy can affect your physical health. To keep your body comfortable and healthy, you might like to consider a full body massage. A head massage includes the forehead and face, which also have meridians. You could try massaging the head with deep and firm hand movements, and pressing the stomach with a firm massage comb. It might be best to avoid pressing the stomach on an empty stomach, and then taking a walk.

It is important to recognize that negative emotions and behaviors can have a detrimental impact on our physical and mental well-being. When we allow ourselves to be consumed by negative thoughts and actions, we often find ourselves surrounded by unhappy people and situations, struggling to maintain healthy interpersonal relationships, and facing challenges in our academic and professional lives. This is because when we become too self-centered or focused on self-interest, negative energy can accumulate, disrupting our ability to connect with others. The more self-centered we become, the more our magnetic field becomes out of tune with the energy of others.

If it is helpful, they can also support those around them in growing and changing together.

The way in which excessive self-centeredness manifests itself varies from person to person. It can manifest as a psychological motivation to pursue self-satisfaction, to compete for self-esteem, to suppress self-deprecation and ingratiate oneself, to blindly give in order to gain, to fear losing, to disregard one's own interests and the gains and losses of one's emotions. Being too narcissistic or inferior, being too self-absorbed, can cause stress and worry, social phobia, and being caught up in one's own emotions and thoughts. One may place too much importance on what others think of oneself, not accept one's own shortcomings and inadequacies, strive for one's own perfection, force, control, take possession of others, or force others to satisfy oneself. Otherwise, one may resent and be discontent, and have difficulty letting go of oneself to forgive and forgive.

Those who are overly focused on self-interest may experience anxiety, depression, fatigue, and difficulty adapting to social situations, whether at school or in the workplace. Individuals who genuinely care about others and are able to adapt to different environments tend to have a more balanced perspective, viewing themselves with a degree of self-compassion while maintaining positive energy.

In essence, it is important to do your best with good intentions and to avoid causing harm to others, as nobody wants to suffer.

Hello, I'm ZQ, a heart exploration coach from the Yixinli platform. I have something no one else has, and I have it better. People are curious about comparisons. Comparison can make people jealous.

Comparing and judging yourself all the time can make you forget why you're doing it.

It's enough to just be better than others.

Do people want to see others suffer and reflect on their own success?

If you reach the top, will you be happy? Think about why you compare. You don't have bad intentions.

You don't want to be in a terrible situation or follow a specific path to the top. You also need to understand what you really want.

Do you want friendship, happiness, and growth?

Do you want a friend who is dedicated and there for you?

It's normal to feel anxious because your peers are more successful. Even if we don't compare ourselves to our family, we'll compare you to other people your age.

Envy and jealousy are hard to avoid. The problem is how you see yourself and what you really want. Don't get caught up in them and lose sight of the big picture.

You broke up with a friend of more than ten years. There was a third person involved. You chose to withdraw, which may also mean that your standard for friendship has some of your own pursuits. In a friendship of three, you will always be ignored.

It's understandable you'd want to leave this group.

Everyone has different goals. You may feel stuck while others are moving forward. This shows you're more worried about others catching up than yourself not growing.

You hope others aren't living better than you. You want to grow yourself and worry others are growing better than you. You want to be better and happier than her. This is initially positive.

If you go too far, you can become obsessed. It makes you forget your idea of progress. At first, you may just want to keep up. But the more you go on, the more comparisons you will have.

The things you want will make you tired. Think about whether you've gone too far.

You focus on another person, even though you've cut ties.

You're still comparing yourself to her, which doesn't have a positive meaning. You don't have to keep walking hand in hand. You're just doing these things unilaterally, which will damage your own time experience.

If you damage your sense of purpose and purity, even if you want to leave her and do better, you won't be happy. Everyone's sense of happiness is constant. Being more successful or better than others doesn't make you happier.

There's no such thing. You may have something to use, and you may be better than others, but that's it. Being better doesn't make you happier. You can think about it calmly or better. Are you happy when you compare yourself to others?

This is my outlook on life. Do you feel sunny, positive, or something else? When you feel you can't accept this, you may need help. I also recommend reading "Self-Care: The Only Path to a Strong Life" and "Love Yourself, No Other Choice."

ZQ?

Hello, I'm Coach Yu from Xin Tan, and I'd like to talk to you about this topic.

First, let's talk about comparison. In recent years, "competition" has become a common catchphrase in our daily conversations. It seems that we've entered a society full of competition and comparison. Perhaps no one can steal a moment of leisure in their busy lives, and perhaps no one cares about music, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, wine, or flowers. It seems that anxiety and worry have become a common state of mind in society.

We're all in a dynamic social environment, and it's only natural to evaluate our personal attitudes, abilities, and social values by comparing ourselves to others. This helps us make a correct evaluation of ourselves based on this benchmark. The more similar the person being compared is to ourselves, the stronger the sense of comparison we experience. After all, similar experiences make us feel that we are clearly on the same starting line. So, why are they better than us?

As the questioner said, I always get anxious because my peers are more successful than me.

It's true that we can easily see the glamorous side of others, and it may also be real. But as the "iceberg theory" says, the iceberg you see is always the top tenth that floats on the surface of the sea. Maybe her starting point is different from yours, maybe you haven't noticed her talent, maybe you haven't seen her hard work, and maybe you haven't felt her persistence...

Everyone's life is different, and often, comparing ourselves to others can cause anxiety and pressure. Adler's concept of separation means that you are you, she is she, and others are living their lives. You don't have to follow in their footsteps.

We can evaluate ourselves objectively. We're always learning and striving, always studying for exams, and always making progress. At the same time, we have weaknesses, like a lack of focus, immaturity, or excessive concerns.

We can try to accept ourselves and tell ourselves, "I have my flaws, but I accept myself and I can still improve."

Don't let comparisons cloud your judgement. Don't fret over things you can't control. And don't get carried away by comparisons with others. Be grateful for what you have and focus on your own progress. Even small steps add up to big results.

Let's talk about loving yourself again. The original poster was able to notice her emotions in time and has very clear values. So let's start by caring for ourselves, taking care of our bodies and our feelings.

We can open our hearts and reach out to her. We can listen to her talk about her struggles and also hear her talk about the joy of success. After all, we've been friends for more than 10 years, and honest communication is the foundation of friendship.

If you're struggling, it's okay to seek help. Talk to a family member or friend you trust. If you need more support, you can also find a counselor. It's important to have an outlet for your emotions.

We allow ourselves to feel envy sometimes, to compete occasionally, and to be true to ourselves. These are all experiences of life, and everyone has a wonderful life. Always believe in yourself and keep going. Good luck!

I'd also recommend reading "You Are the Answer."

Good morning, my name is Qu Huidong, a psychological counselor who utilizes imagery as a therapeutic tool.

The original poster is now concerned that their peers, who they often observe, have not achieved success. Internal conflict has exhausted them, and the efforts and gains they have made seem insignificant in comparison.

The difficulties you are currently experiencing appear to have originated with the dissolution of your relationship with the individual of the same age. It may seem that you took the initiative to withdraw from the three-person relationship, but in fact you were very passive, aggrieved, and perhaps even a little angry. At that time, you turned your grief and anger into strength and wanted to "outperform" her by working hard to improve. However, this contest was more like a battle with yourself, and you were unable to get positive feedback from her. Moreover, the "glorious and beautiful" people in her circle of friends made you feel inferior. It is important to remember that the circle of friends is just "one side of the story," and it's only fixed for a moment.

When we shift our focus to the "competition," the emotions associated with losing a close colleague, such as regret and loss, may resurface and cause distress.

Perhaps at this juncture, it would be beneficial to consider the advantages of distancing yourself from this individual. What have you gained from this situation over the past few years?

It is important to acknowledge that we are experiencing a range of challenging emotions, but it is also essential to maintain an objective perspective. These feelings are a part of who we are, and we have the capacity to navigate both pain and happiness.

Ultimately, the decision is yours to make.

If you would like to discuss your aspirations in more detail, we can arrange a session in our counseling facility where we can address the issue of comparison head-on and explore alternative perspectives.

Best regards,

I know you're feeling lost after losing a friend. Even though the reason seems minor, it's caused you to feel worthless.

You are not alone. Many people have lost friends or important relationships, and this is normal.

Losing friends does not mean you are unworthy or bad. Everyone experiences setbacks and losses, but this does not determine your value.

Second, accept your emotions and inner feelings. Don't escape or deny them. Face them bravely and find a way to deal with them.

If you feel anxious or inferior, talk to a friend or family member or see a counselor.

Also, don't compare yourself to others. Everyone's life is different.

Focus on your own growth and progress. Believe in yourself. Strive to be the best you can be. Remember, happiness and success are not measured by comparison with others.

Give yourself time to heal. Be kind to yourself. You will find that you can emerge from the shadows and regain your inner peace and confidence.