light mode dark mode

How to deal with fear and avoidance of dating and marriage at the age of 25, according to the majority of life trajectories?

avoidance relationship issues fear of commitment parental dependence insecurity
readership2059 favorite22 forward27
How to deal with fear and avoidance of dating and marriage at the age of 25, according to the majority of life trajectories? By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I'm 25 now, and according to most life trajectories, I will face relationship issues, but I always avoid this topic. The reasons are complicated, such as the fear that entering a relationship will limit me a lot. The vast majority of the mothers around me who have families and children have lost their own lives, and I don't like that state.

I also felt that I had not yet grown up and was not ready to enter the adult world, and that it was safer to rely on my parents. Unless it was a friend who treated me very well (but even with a person of the opposite sex who treated me very well, I was afraid to tell him that I liked him or that I enjoyed being with him), I always felt that I would not be liked. Some of the reasons for this were that I felt that I was only average in appearance, and that I would not have an advantage over others when it came to actively confessing my feelings.

Although I admit that appearance cannot determine a person, I still feel that talent can only earn me friendship, care and respect. So for a long time, I felt that if I wasn't confessed to, I probably wouldn't take the initiative to accept a relationship in my life.

And so far, I have never received a confession or known for sure that someone likes me, and I have also refused to go on a blind date (it hasn't happened yet, but I have a clear mental refusal). I have also thought about just letting nature take its course, and that I can live well enough without a partner. But when I told my mother that I didn't want to fall in love and get married, she got angry and felt that I needed psychological counselling. ಠ╭╮ಠ

Bonnie Ruby Page Bonnie Ruby Page A total of 8164 people have been helped

Hello, young lady. I can see you're feeling a bit confused right now, so I just wanted to give you a big hug!

I can see that you are facing some relationship issues at the moment. I'm here to support you and offer a warm hug if you need it.

If I may, I would like to analyze the last part of your question.

1.) I believe the reason you resist matchmaking is...

I'm not sure what might have led you to feel this way about arranged marriages.

It's possible that you may have had a less than ideal experience with a blind date in the past.

If this is the case, it might be helpful to seek the guidance of a professional counselor.

2.) Could I ask why you don't want to fall in love and get married?

I can relate to your situation. I used to have similar doubts and concerns. I didn't think I would ever fall in love or get married. I imagined I would live alone forever until I met my husband.

I would gently suggest that perhaps it might be unwise to rule out the possibility of falling in love and getting married in the future.

I believe these thoughts may be a result of not yet having met the right person.

When you meet the person you believe is right for you, you may find yourself falling in love and wanting to get married.

3.) How to reassure your mother

Perhaps it would be more helpful to your mother if you told her that you haven't yet found the right person to marry, rather than that you don't want to get married.

If you do happen to find the right person in the future, it might be a nice gesture to bring him home to meet your mom.

If you are currently employed, you might consider participating in additional staff gatherings or social events hosted by your company.

Perhaps you will meet someone soon who you feel is the right person for you and who you are willing to fall in love with.

I truly hope that you will be able to find a solution to your problem soon.

I believe I can now offer some thoughts on this matter.

I hope my answers are helpful and inspiring. I am the respondent, and I am studying hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our warmest regards to you and the entire world.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 316
disapprovedisapprove0
Felicity Castro Felicity Castro A total of 1728 people have been helped

Dear Question Asker,

From the aforementioned material, it can be discerned that the act of marriage has placed you in a particular state of being.

It is evident that you are experiencing a state of distress and turmoil.

It is unclear whether you are aware of this. To summarize your statement,

The following factors contribute to the fear of falling in love:

Primarily, there is a concern about losing one's independent and autonomous identity.

This fear is rooted in the concern that once married,

You are psychologically prepared to fulfill the role of a nurturing mother.

You lack the requisite courage to assume the role of a mother.

You lack the requisite courage to assume the role of mother.

In summary, the individual in question continues to define themselves in accordance with the characteristics typically associated with childhood.

Such individuals are reluctant to transition into adult society prematurely.

Secondly, there is a lack of confidence in one's own appearance.

The assumption is that a woman can only feel worthy of love if she is physically attractive and receives a direct declaration of love from the opposite sex.

It appears that this is the sole means by which a female can attain the requisite qualifications to embark upon the journey of romantic attachment.

To elucidate further, the status of an individual's romantic life can be discerned by observing whether they are in a loving relationship, being courted, or receiving romantic advances.

Thirdly, the refusal to engage with potential partners can be seen as a form of defence and isolation.

It is possible that the motivation and behavior in question may be related to the subject's attachment to their family and mother.

In the absence of clear boundaries between family members in an original family structure, the mother and child or father and child become a unified entity, effectively losing their individual identity.

To elucidate further, the subconscious fear of marriage can be interpreted as a fear in general.

The act of leaving one's original family unit.

The act of marriage signifies a girl's departure from her original family.

A specific psychological explanation for this phenomenon exists: a low level of separation and individualization.

What is the optimal method for resolving this impasse?

The initial consideration is

An explanation in terms of attachment theory would be as follows:

In the event that a child never leaves the family home and never gets married,

It is possible that such an individual may never reach maturity.

This indicates that the individual has not yet undergone a psychological weaning process and has not yet established a sense of self-identity.

Secondly, it is essential to be mindful and engage in introspective reflection.

Does a fear of falling in love and getting married stem from a lack of self-confidence?

Alternatively, could it be an excessive attachment to family that is difficult to relinquish?

It may be beneficial to consider the specific type of view of marriage that is most appropriate.

From a traditional perspective on marriage, it is expected that men will marry when they are old enough, and women will marry when they are old enough.

It appears that the institution of marriage is often perceived as a prerequisite for achieving a sense of completeness in one's life.

This is regarded as the pinnacle of familial bliss and happiness.

From the perspective of multiculturalism and human needs, it is necessary to consider the following:

An individual may enter into a marital union on a single occasion during their lifetime, or on multiple occasions in accordance with the stipulations set forth in the pertinent legislation.

In some cases, an individual may opt to remain unmarried for the remainder of their life.

Marriage is but one potential avenue for attaining a state of happiness.

There is not a single, definitive method. As long as individuals maintain their own interests and self-worth,

The realization of a fulfilling existence allows for the maintenance of one's purity throughout one's lifetime.

I am curious to know:

What factors contribute to your reluctance to engage in matchmaking?

Blind dates provide an opportunity to interact with individuals of the opposite sex.

In the absence of contact with the opposite sex and the formation of romantic attachments, it is difficult to ascertain which individuals are compatible partners.

It should be noted that the above analysis is for reference only and that the data involved is limited.

If you are amenable, you are welcome to continue the discussion with me. What are the issues that arise in the context of love and marriage?

What difficulties have they presented?

I am Counselor Yao, and I will continue to provide you with assistance and guidance.

Helpful to meHelpful to me 772
disapprovedisapprove0
Odin Odin A total of 1844 people have been helped

You have a magic pen!

You have a magic pen that draws a lot of confusion and obstacles for yourself, but you can overcome them!

This pen is your perception, and it has brought you too much confusion and fear. But you can overturn it!

Let me ask you a few questions!

1. Who says you have to start dating and falling in love at 25? If you're not ready, you don't have to date at all! It's your right and your freedom to wait until you're ready.

2. Who says that being a mother means losing yourself? You only see the hard work of taking care of children and the restrictions on personal freedom. But there's so much more! You don't see the love that naturally flows between flesh and blood. This love can make you melt, make you intoxicated, and make you forget your fatigue.

You've never experienced the incredible hope that the arrival of a new life brings to the country and the nation!

You haven't experienced the incredible, instant surge of energy when your child calls you "mommy" for the first time!

3. Who says that if you don't look good, no one will like you? Not everyone's wife is a celebrity. I admit that most love at first sight does begin with looks, but love will eventually outlast talent. And you know what? It's going to be so worth it!

That's why love gets better and better over time! And your talent becomes your bargaining chip!

Besides, everyone has different tastes in beauty. And that's a great thing! There are bound to be people who like your looks and figure.

Inner abundance leads to outer abundance!

Now is the time to stop using the brush of knowledge to paint away those unfounded confusions and fears. It's time to stop worrying about things that haven't happened, or things that are simply impossible!

Seize the moment! The present is all that matters. And there's so much you can do to make it amazing. Improve yourself, read more, broaden your horizons, and dress up nicely every day. The positive energy that radiates from the core of your being will attract more good fortune to you!

Come on, you can do it! You've got this!

Bless you!

Helpful to meHelpful to me 122
disapprovedisapprove0

Comments

avatar
Poppy Anderson The influence of a teacher's attitude towards learning is a wind vane for students.

I can totally relate to your concerns about relationships and how they might change your life. It's important to stay true to yourself and not rush into anything you're not comfortable with yet.

avatar
Willow West Diligence is the thread that weaves the tapestry of triumph.

It sounds like you've got a lot on your mind regarding relationships. I think it's great that you're being honest with yourself about what you want and don't want right now. Sometimes, taking things slow is the best way to go.

avatar
Kimberly Thomas Learning is a doorway to new opportunities and experiences.

The fear of losing oneself in a relationship is real, and it's understandable that you want to maintain your independence. Maybe finding a balance between commitment and personal freedom could be something to explore as you grow more comfortable.

avatar
Lucian Anderson Knowledge of different political ideologies and scientific theories enriches the mind.

It's tough when family expectations don't align with our own feelings. But remember, it's okay to set your own pace for life milestones. Communicating your needs clearly to your loved ones might help them understand where you're coming from.

avatar
Truman Anderson The essence of time is to make the most of the present moment.

You're not alone in feeling uncertain about relationships and adulthood. Many people feel the same way at some point. Building confidence in other areas of life can sometimes make the idea of dating less daunting.

More from Soul Share Cove

This feature is under maintenance and update.
Close