How to get along with roommates and classmates?

Good morning,

From the situation you described, you recall her demeanor when she was displeased with you, but also how kind and gentle she was. You have mixed feelings about your roommate.

The term "projective identification" is used in psychology to describe a phenomenon whereby individuals project their own thoughts and expectations onto others in a relationship, influencing the other person's response.

For example, if there is a lack of positive regard between two individuals in a shared living situation, it is not uncommon for one to assume that the other has a negative opinion of them. This assumption is often based on a perceived lack of reciprocation or a lack of positive interaction.

In many cases, this stems from an internalized sense of inadequacy, leading to concerns about being rejected by others. The desire for external validation and confirmation of one's worth is often driven by a need for self-assurance and security. Enhancing one's self-identity can be a crucial step in addressing this issue.

The theory of conversational value in psychology posits that communicating valuable content can enhance interpersonal relationships. One can endeavor to hone the ability to express valuable content and thereby gain a sense of self-identity.

We will now proceed to present the high-value conversation model.

1. Switch to a gentle tone of voice and consider the various possibilities of the situation. You might reflect, "On a previous occasion when I greeted her, she did not acknowledge me. Perhaps she was preoccupied with something else at the time, or maybe she had an urgent matter to attend to."

"And so on. Adopting this perspective will facilitate a more comprehensive understanding.

2. Cultivate a sense of your own irreplaceable value. When you feel a full sense of self-worth, you will respond in a way that aligns with your expectations, and you will also enhance your sense of self-identification.

?3. Express your gratitude. Affirmation will reinforce the likelihood of future positive behaviors that align with your expectations.

As someone who has experienced the challenges of navigating the rain, I hope that my insights can be of benefit to you.

I've probably helped you understand the process in your brain, and it's probably like this in five steps.

1. You think that if you greet someone, they must respond.

2. You greet your roommate, but she ignores you. You feel bad, poor thing!

3. Because of a previous conflict, you think that if you lose your temper with her, she will definitely retaliate.

4. This time you didn't greet her, and she didn't greet you either. You think she's doing this on purpose, which is totally understandable!

5. So you feel even worse, thinking, "I didn't do anything, why are you so cold to me?"

This is the first important reason that can sometimes get in the way of our relationships.

So, you want to improve your relationship? Great! Let's dive in and see what you can do.

Let's start by asking ourselves: when you greet someone, does that person have to respond? It's possible that if the other person doesn't like you, they may not respond.

And then there are times when you greet someone, but they don't hear or see you.

Furthermore, steps 3 and 4 above are just your imagination—they're not really what happened. You need to actually approach her and get to know her. Of course, you may be rejected, but remember, rejection is something we encounter frequently in life.

I know it can be tough, but here's the answer: First, you have to keep your mind open. It's okay if others don't like you or don't respond when you greet them. Second, if you really want to get to know her, go for it sincerely. You may succeed, or you may be rejected. It depends on the situation. And please don't keep thinking about the worst-case scenario in your head.

I really hope this helps!