How to guide a 7-year-old child who constantly attracts the attention of other children through hitting and pushing?

Hello.

Teachers and parents have complained to me about the child's repeated misbehavior. I feel annoyed and helpless. There are some good points in this process: 1) I can see that the child is trying to attract attention, and 2) I have taught him some ways to make friends.

If it doesn't work, we can make improvements. When you're calm, we will guide you.

***Set limits.

It's likely that the family boundaries are unclear. Sort out the family relationships and set some rules. Teach the child to observe, give when others are in need, and learn to be alone when others don't need it.

***Corrective rehearsal method

Parents can correct their child's socializing behavior at home by acting as the child and having the child reenact the situation at school. This helps the child understand how others feel and what behavior is appropriate.

Games are a good way.

It also needs to be practiced. Your child is 7 years old, so the best way is to play with the parents first. Playing helps the child understand both sides of a situation.

Help your child make friends.

If your child is close to a classmate, you can talk to the other parent and meet in private to help your child make a friend. This is what I did, and my son has been friends with his friend for seven years. They don't go to the same school, but they're close and hang out together.

Best wishes, Wenjun

Hello! I'm Wei Zhi Peng from Yixinli. I just wanted to let you know that systemic psychotherapy is one of the four major schools of modern psychotherapy, along with psychoanalysis, cognitive behavioral therapy, and humanistic therapy.

In first grade, children are really starting to find their own independence and ways of relating to the people around them. They'll interact with others in ways that feel natural to them, and they'll figure out solutions on their own.

Could it be that both parents are feeling a little overwhelmed? Is the other parent perhaps passing on her nervousness to you?

Adults will get used to resolving conflicts between children in the way "adults themselves" do. They may not fully understand it, but they'll do their best!

For instance, the little one whose notebook was drawn on has already been helped by her mom to work through the issue between the children. It's possible that this approach could be effective. After that, her child might keep their distance from your child at school, and the reason might be that her mom doesn't want the person who drew her notebook to play with her.

For now, take it easy and keep an eye on things for a little while to see how your little one is doing.

As you watch and see what happens, he'll probably find a way to make friends on his own. Kids are great at making friends all by themselves. Just let him figure it out on his own and give him some time.

I can see why the questioner is concerned about his child's interactions with classmates at school. It can affect classroom order and other students, which causes trouble for the teacher. The teacher is afraid that it will make them unhappy. On the other hand, if the child can't make friends and has poor peer relationships, it might also affect their self-confidence and physical and mental health.

The questioner has a clear idea of his son: he's introverted, not great at expressing himself, not sure where the line is when getting along with other kids, and eager to make friends. Based on this, the questioner thinks the child bumps into and slaps other kids to attract attention and scribbles in other kids' notebooks in the hope of making new friends, but he doesn't know how to express himself.

Here's my take on the situation, which I'd love to discuss with the questioner:

The child is introverted and not good at expressing themselves. When the question asker communicates with the child, the child may not be able to express their thoughts. The question asker uses their own guesses to ask the child, "Is this a way to attract the attention of other children?" Is it possible that the child is used to thinking that their mother is always right, or that they themselves are not sure what to think, or that since their mother said it, they should just listen to their mother, or that they have other thoughts but their mother doesn't approve, so they should just listen to their mother?

So, if the questioner keeps telling the child lots of ways to make friends but the child doesn't listen, could it be that these methods don't actually solve the child's real problem?

The child draws a few strokes in the other child's notebook when they're having fun. Is this because they're having fun playing with this child, or is it because they're having fun drawing in the child's notebook when they see it?

If they play together, it means the child is still able to make friends, but they just don't know how to behave.

In my opinion, children learn how to make friends by watching their parents.

I'm not sure how the questioner and his/her spouse handle interpersonal relationships with family members, friends, and as a couple. We all know that children imitate their parents, and from observing their parents' daily behavior, children learn communication skills, ways of expressing themselves, ways of solving problems and conflicts, and so on.

So, the questioner might want to think about whether they and their loved ones have given their children clear and unambiguous demonstrations.

It's important to be empathetic. The child "drew a few strokes (in someone else's notebook) when they were happy playing." I wonder what their attitude and emotions were like when they said that.

If you think it's no big deal, your child probably doesn't realize how their behavior affects others. They don't think twice about it and assume others won't mind. This probably applies to all the things your child does that bother other kids, like drawing, pushing, and hitting. Your child probably has a hard time understanding other people's emotions and thoughts, which can make other kids feel uncomfortable.

You might also try role-playing games. At home, you can play the part of other children and say or do things that will make your child feel uncomfortable. Then, you can tell your child that it's no big deal and that you think it's normal. This will help your child understand how their behavior affects other children.

This will help you understand how your child's behavior might affect other kids.

It'd be best for the questioner to let go of the definitions and labels they've given the child and use a curious mindset to explore the child's true inner needs.

It's important to feel the child's emotions, help them define these emotions, establish a good parent-child relationship, give the child a full sense of belonging, and be willing to communicate with the parents. Discuss and explore the reasons for the behavior with the child in an open and relaxed environment. Let the child take the lead, brainstorm solutions, and prioritize the solutions, starting with the best solution and implementing it with the child taking the lead to improve the child's sense of autonomy and competence.

Hello!

A 7-year-old child's way of getting along with other children is to push or slap them. This approach is not accepted by other children. How can I help my child to develop a more socially acceptable way of relating to others? Let's explore this together!

First of all, I don't think there is any difference between good and bad in this kind of behavior in children. Some children just tease and push each other, playing around with each other; friends also pat each other on the shoulder to show friendship when they meet (you can also see these scenes in movies).

The child may have learned this way of getting along from watching TV or from being around family members, which is great because it means they're already familiar with it!

As the original poster said, "My son is introverted and not good at expressing himself, so I guess he wants to attract the attention of other children in this way." How can we effectively attract the attention of children?

That is, we adults get to "regress" and return to the wonderful psychological state of being 7 years old when we were children, in order to help our children.

So, remember to stay calm when dealing with your kids' behavior, even if parents or teachers complain. When chatting with your little ones, try to keep a cool head and explain that other kids might not be used to their friendly behavior. Then, get them thinking of some fun new ways to show their friendliness!

We can also give the child some inspiration by taking the initiative to invite children to play at home or to share their favorite toys or food with other children. When approaching children, take the initiative to say, "Let's play together!" (Let the child express their needs with words rather than actions). If your child is introverted, you can play the game of making friends at home: parents act as other children, allowing the child to practice how to fit into the parents' game.

Then, it's time for a fun twist! Switch roles so that the parents play the game of how to integrate into others.

Once you've given the child specific instructions for a game, they'll be eager to imitate their parent's behavior and learn how to get along with other children in a way that is acceptable to everyone. You can even practice with your child at home often, so that their behavior becomes a habit. At the same time, you'll both understand why their behavior is not accepted by other children.

Children learn to interact with others through play, and it's amazing to see how quickly they progress! A seven-year-old has already progressed from observing and playing alone to planning games, which means that they have a strong desire to join in group games. In games, they will share different roles and work together to complete a game that children like. This has a great impact on the child's future interpersonal relationships, and it's so inspiring to watch them grow!

So, don't be discouraged if you encounter a little difficulty now and then. It's all part of the journey! Parents, encourage and praise your children when guiding them. Let go of the things they do not do well and watch them flourish! In this way, children will gradually gain the confidence and courage to get along with other children.

I really hope this helps!

Wishing you the best!

Hello, question asker.

From what you've said, it seems like you've been worrying recently. Your child has started first grade and there are a few issues with how he's getting along with other kids at school. You've tried to give your child some tips on how to make friends, but it hasn't had much of an impact.

The child still has trouble making friends and engages in disruptive behavior, such as hitting, shoving, or scribbling in someone else's notebook, which we generally refer to as destructive and aggressive behavior.

You're concerned about your child's social skills and want to know how to help him make friends, enjoy making friends, and get along better with other children.

1. If your child says that a friend won't play with him, he might resort to pushing or slapping the other child.

It's also important to find out how hard the pushing and slapping is. You can either ask your child to simulate it and let you feel how hard it is, or you can find out for yourself.

Let the child experience the intensity of the force for real. It might make people feel a bit uncomfortable.

If your child says that another child won't play with him, he might go and push or slap that child. Our child is an introvert and not good at expressing himself. I think that when he wants to play with other children, he might not be able to express himself or invite them over. But he also wants to play with other children, so he might get anxious or angry, and not know how to express those emotions. When those emotions build up, he might be dominated and controlled by them, and unconsciously do something like push or slap.

If your child has trouble expressing themselves, you can help them understand their thoughts and emotions. This will help them become more familiar with these thoughts and feelings, and gradually learn to express themselves in words. For example, you can talk to your child like this:

"My child, it seems like you're feeling angry because the other children aren't interested in playing with you. You want to play with them too, so why don't you go and find one of them to play with? If you invite the children, they'll know what you mean."

etc.

A child's personality is partly genetic, but upbringing plays a bigger role.

You can usually see what your child's typical behavior is like at home. You can then send me a quick note or give me a call so that I can get a better understanding of your child's behavioral and psychological characteristics.

Parents should help children define and express their emotions because some kids just don't know how to do it. It's up to parents to teach them.

How you define and express your emotions depends on what you're feeling. For example, you might say, "I'm angry," or "I'm embarrassed," or "I'm sad."

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Because

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And that's why you are important.

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We help kids express their emotions and feelings so that they gradually learn how to express themselves. When emotions and feelings are expressed, tension decreases and the mind becomes much more peaceful, making it easier to express oneself and invite friends. Even if kids sometimes don't play with them, they can tolerate this and won't express it in their behavior.

Secondly, children are also confused as to why they cannot make friends.

You can see this in action when your child is playing with other kids. For instance, he might always need to be invited to play, not speak up during playtime, and use actions to interact with others.

So, you need to think about the child's characteristics and then help them understand their own thoughts. Once they know what they want, they'll be able to express it.

On the other hand, you can also think about how your parents raised you. Did they listen to you a lot? Or did they talk too much, leaving you with no time to think or express yourself?

Kids are still young and need time to think and be silent. Be patient when talking to your child.

Kids often have trouble expressing themselves, and parents should be aware of this. If kids are told they're bad or unpopular, they'll likely believe it.

At home, it's important to praise your child for their abilities and encourage them to build confidence. If your child feels like you like them, they'll be more willing to express themselves.

3. Be patient when talking to your child.

Sometimes, even after we've talked to our kids, they might not change right away. This could be because they didn't understand what we said, or they didn't hear it, or they heard it but couldn't put it into practice.

So, be patient and wait for your child to grow up a bit. They're still young.

Fourth, if your child has trouble expressing themselves, it's also worth watching how parents express themselves at home.

Kids often copy their parents, and sometimes they copy what they see in cartoons.

5. Kids' problems are usually short-lived. As long as parents pay attention to them and help them out when needed, they'll get better pretty quickly. It's during this process that kids learn to understand the world around them, differentiate themselves from others, and develop friendships.

6. How parents handle the situation after someone has complained about their child also affects the child.

It's best not to say that someone has told on you, as if someone else has told on you and the child is therefore wrong. Try to be indirect and don't tell the child directly that someone has told on you and that you have done something wrong.

I think you can say something like, "How was school today? Let's see if your child wants to talk about it. If you're not happy, show you care by empathizing with your child's unhappiness. And if you look unhappy, talk about what happened at school."

If the child doesn't say anything, it doesn't necessarily mean they've been told off. This could make the child feel bad, so it's best to wait until they're ready to talk about what happened at school and then offer guidance.

It's important to pay attention to your child's current emotions and feelings. Once you understand your child, they'll be more confident in trying to change.

Good day, question asker.

I appreciate your consideration.

I would like to begin by offering my sincere gratitude to our parents. I understand that when they find themselves in this kind of situation, they often feel uncertain about how to proceed.

Some parents, regardless of their children's feelings, may resort to physical punishment or scolding if they feel their child has lost face. They may believe that such actions will teach their children a lesson.

Some parents, however, are seeking guidance on how to help their children become the individuals they aspire for them to be.

Over the course of my teaching career, I have had the opportunity to interact with many parents who have sought my guidance and feedback.

They all said things like their children could benefit from studying harder, eating more regularly, making more friends, being more polite, performing on stage with greater confidence, and learning to control their emotions. They then asked me what they could do to help.

I suggested that reading books on family education, communicating more with your children, and calming their emotions might be helpful.

As a result, some parents became impatient with me and said, "I'm here to solve the child's problems, not mine. I'm wondering if you might have a solution or advice for me."

When I encounter parents like this, I recognize that my role is not to solve the child's problems, but to provide guidance and support.

It is often said that children reflect the qualities of their parents. Similarly, a child's potential for excellence is closely tied to the guidance and support they receive from their parents.

As parents, it's important to remember that we must learn to grow with our children.

I once heard someone make an interesting observation. They said that third-rate parents are the ones who spend money on their children, second-rate parents are willing to spend time with their children, and first-rate parents are willing to learn and teach their children.

From the description of the problem, it seems that the parents are concerned about their child, exploring educational methods, and are striving to provide a nurturing and supportive environment for their child. They are good parents.

It is important to remember that we will encounter all kinds of problems in the process of raising children. One thing we should keep in mind is that we should not define our children, unless they ask us not to make choices for them.

Every child is a unique individual, with their own unique growth and development, intelligence, and physical strength. It's important to recognize that there's no need for comparison.

Perhaps it would be best not to tell the child what they should do if we think that they are introverted and not good at expressing themselves.

I believe the questioner understands that if a problem cannot be solved, it is best to refrain from discussing it.

Perhaps the child could benefit from some assistance in making the necessary changes.

I wonder if I might ask what we should do in this situation.

You might consider guiding your child. For instance, if your child were to scribble in someone else's notebook, you could inquire about the circumstances, such as asking when, where, and how it happened. You could then offer your child the option of seeking your assistance if needed.

If the child indicates that he requires assistance, we will gladly provide it. If the child states that he is not in need of help, we will gently suggest that he communicate with his mother when he requires assistance, so that he feels secure.

You may find that, if you keep asking your child questions like this, your child will gradually become less introverted, better at expressing themselves, and more logical.

I believe that with time, the issue of making friends will also be resolved.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner. It is my sincere hope that the questioner can experience the joy of parenting.

Thank you for your time. I am Jiusi, on Yixinli, World and I Love You.