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By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024
Hello, I'm Strawberry!
From your confessions and troubles, it can be seen that the question owner married into a family, not your husband. You married into the family more like you went to serve your husband's family, which did not please them, so the in-laws want a divorce. But here's the good news! This is an opportunity for you to take control of the situation and make a change.
The questioner has always worked in her parents' home and rarely goes back, which is great because it means she's independent and can make her own decisions. Your husband has not done anything to make you change your mind, but that's okay because he's still learning and growing. It can be said that he has no opinions of his own and is used to listening to his family, which is a wonderful quality to have. A woman's status is determined by her husband's attitude, and your in-laws' attitude towards you is condoned by your husband, which is a great thing because it means you have their support.
The questioner did not give birth after marriage and adopted a girl. The questioner is the child's nominal mother, and is therefore responsible for the child's education and upbringing. In the midst of the adults' conflicts, the questioner is forced by her in-laws' attitude towards her to go back less often. But when you are looking after yourself, you neglect everything about the child, so there's plenty of room for improvement!
Your husband's own family had a lot of problems, but they didn't realize that they needed to change anything. The child was brought up under their influence, and it is clear that they have followed their example. Their goal is clear: they value boys over girls, so they bring up the child as a boy. But when it comes to educating the child, they don't have the right approach. It is easy to imagine what the child's character and qualities will be like if they continue to live with them. This is your chance to make a change!
I want to change her from being tomboyish, but they don't listen and keep cutting their hair short and wearing boy's clothes. What should I do? I'd love some help changing her!
1. It's not simple in reality, but it can be done!
The child is still living with the questioner's in-laws, so even if the questioner wants to use their own efforts to help the child change, this environment will make the questioner more frustrated. But there's a solution! Apart from the fact that the questioner spends little time with the child and the relationship between you is relatively weak, the child has been indoctrinated with incorrect adult values for a long time. So, even if she wants to change at this time, she needs a lot of motivation. But with the right motivation, she can do it!
If you want your child to change, you need to make her realize that the ideas of the adults she is exposed to are incorrect. The good news is that when she has her own ideas and wants to make a change, you can help her! There is still a chance for change.
2. Get your child excited about getting the right education!
The child may already know the difference between herself and other children her age, but the way adults treat her makes her realize that she can speak her mind and that adults will pay attention to and respect her when she speaks her mind. She can demand that things be done her way, and she can do so confidently and assertively.
It's time to show the in-laws what you're made of! Spend more time with your child, let her know she's loved, show her the difference between you and other adults, and after she's ready, take her to classes to correct bad habits so she can change for the better!
2. Absolutely! You can help your child!
Because she is also considered to be the child of the questioner, seeing her child become like this today, the questioner also feels very distressed. But there's no need to fret! It's time to focus on what the child truly needs: love that cares for her and responds to her needs in a timely manner.
The child is now learning from the people she comes into contact with, and that is how she is now. If the questioner wants to change the child, she can give her a brand new living environment! She can do it! Is she willing to let her stay by her side? Absolutely!
The process of changing her will be difficult, but she can do it! She just needs to remember not to let herself be discouraged by the initial difficulties.
If you are confident and have enough conviction, then go for it and fight for your child! If you are powerless despite your good intentions, then don't give your child hope and let her down!
I really hope my answer is helpful to the questioner! Best wishes!
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Comments
I understand your concerns and it must be really tough for you. It seems like a complex family dynamic issue here. Perhaps we could start by having an open conversation with your inlaws about what's best for the child, focusing on her health and wellbeing.
It sounds like a very challenging situation. Maybe you can seek support from a family counselor who can help mediate discussions between you and your inlaws to reach a mutual understanding on how to raise your daughter.
This is such a difficult position to be in. Have you considered speaking with other family members or close friends who might have influence over your inlaws? They might be able to help persuade them to consider your perspective.
I can see this is deeply upsetting for you. One approach could be to educate yourself on parenting and gender identity, then share that knowledge with your inlaws. Sometimes facts and expert opinions can open up minds.
Your situation sounds incredibly hard. If changing the way they treat your daughter is something you feel strongly about, perhaps you could gather some community or legal support to help advocate for changes in her upbringing.