How to handle the situation where you can't get along with the mothers of your child's classmates and are afraid of getting too close to people?

My name is Shou Gu Yi, and I am typically characterized by humility and modesty.

As a fellow mother, I empathize with your internal conflict and self-doubt.

It is often asserted that parents serve as their children's primary educators. Consequently, we were particularly anxious at the outset of our parenting journey, striving to provide our offspring with the best possible upbringing. We established numerous objectives, yet in practice, we may have yielded to certain compromises. What are the underlying reasons for this phenomenon? I believe there are multiple contributing factors.

Let us now return to the fundamental question of why we have children.

This proposition is an open-ended question, and regardless of the response provided, it will be deemed correct. The majority of answers will ultimately conclude that the motivation is self-serving.

Ultimately, the motivation for procreation is to ensure the continuation of the family line, to provide a source of support in old age, and to facilitate the fulfilment of one's own life. Regardless of the specific rationale, the underlying purpose is to serve one's own interests.

Since we have brought a life into the world for our own benefit, we should allow our children to assist us in becoming better versions of ourselves.

In your previous statement, you indicated that…

The lack of social connections among my child's peers can be attributed to my own difficulties in communicating and forming relationships with other mothers. Despite my efforts to engage in such interactions, I often find myself unable to fully disengage, leading to a sense of inauthenticity and hypocrisy. I recognize that my own performance may appear somewhat unreal to others, which has prevented me from developing genuine friendships with other mothers.

It is evident that your conduct serves as a model for your child. However, the process of establishing harmonious relationships is replete with potential. It is clear that your comprehension and consciousness have influenced your child. Your pursuit of an answer can be perceived as a quest for a breakthrough, which is beneficial because as long as the issue is acknowledged, a solution is imminent.

Let us consider the following proposition:

In the past, I had an aversion to social interaction due to a lack of positive emotional experiences and a tendency to experience anxiety. This led me to avoid engaging with others, even though I was reluctant to give up this avoidance behavior. Ultimately, I decided to have a child, whose growth would necessitate changes in my social interactions. I hoped that having a child would provide a reliable anchor for my emotional well-being, whether for the child's sake or for my own.

It is not the child that I love, but myself.

It would be beneficial to consider this situation from our own perspective.

It is possible that human interaction is not as detrimental as previously thought.

It is my sincere hope that you will be able to achieve a breakthrough.

Sincerely,

Hello, I can tell you're confused.

You think your child doesn't have any friends because you and the other mothers can't be friends.

Does the child need our help making friends?

You don't like spending time with other mothers. You prefer to go out with your child alone.

However, you still envy those mothers who can get along with each other for their children's sake, and you feel guilty for not letting your child make friends.

Your perceptions are unreasonable.

You think your child has no friends because you haven't taught him how to make friends.

You have made the child suffer and deprived him of friends.

If you feel integrated, you can become friends.

Think about whether other mothers really help children make friends. Do children really need other mothers to make friends?

Does your child need you to help him make friends? Will he be happy if he makes friends with your help?

The real reason your child doesn't have any friends

If your child likes making friends, it's because you like making friends.

It's not because you don't like other mothers.

You like spending time alone with your child, but you still feel that not liking to make friends with other mothers is wrong.

You also think it's abnormal for your child to not have any friends. Maybe your child feels inferior because they don't fit in. They're also reluctant to make friends.

Believe in yourself. If you don't like it, you can choose to reject it.

accept yourself and your child for who they are.

Your child can make friends. You don't have to change for them. You don't have to feel guilty.

Not fitting in doesn't make you a bad person. It just means you're following your heart. You don't have to ignore or hurt yourself for anyone else.

This teaches children to follow their hearts, not to please or submit to others. This is more worthwhile for children than pleasing others at the expense of their hearts.

Best wishes!

Hello, As a mother, I understand your conflict. You want your child to play like other children, but you are afraid to socialize.

Everyone socializes in their own way. Respect your feelings and don't feel you owe anyone anything.

Stop feeling guilty and criticizing yourself.

A happy childhood is not about having lots of friends. It's about having a parent who gives you company, takes you out to play, and lets you experience happiness. This kind of childhood is also happy for you. You haven't asked her what she thinks. Maybe she doesn't feel bad about not having friends. So your focus is just to make her happy. It really doesn't matter whether she has lots of friends or not. You don't need to feel guilty.

As the child grows up, her relationship with her parents affects her future social character and behavior. Having friends now doesn't have much impact. Therefore, you don't need to conform to social interactions you don't like just for the sake of your child.

Second, respect your feelings.

If you don't like other parents, there's no need to force yourself to be sociable. If you do something you don't want to do to please your child, you may feel worse. Besides, your child's social life isn't just with their parents. If you don't like socializing with other parents, it doesn't affect your child's social life with other children. So just do what you want.

Go back to basics.

I understand why you are worried. You want your child to have a happy childhood. There are many ways to do this. You can take her out for a hike or go to parent-child activities.

.

Taking the child to do something he likes is enough.

I hope this helps and you have a happy childhood with your child.

From what you've said, I get the impression that you're distressed by your inability to communicate and connect with other mothers. You even feel a lot of self-blame and guilt. You attribute this to the influence of your child having no friends.

As a mother, you want to give your child the best education, the best care, and the best influence. When we think that our less receptive personality traits are affecting our child,

You can probably imagine how much psychological pressure and self-blame there is.

I hope the following perspectives can help you feel less anxious and less self-blame, while also giving you more things to think about:

First, it's good to recognize that your dislike of socializing is a form of self-care. It's essential to prioritize your own well-being before taking care of your child.

From what you've said, it's clear you love your child very much. But because you feel you can't connect with them, you're feeling a lot of self-blame and anxiety.

The thing is, we avoid intimacy because we feel uneasy or uncomfortable inside, and we do it without even realizing it.

As you've found, if you push yourself to communicate with your child, you can't really let go. It feels forced and fake. You feel like you're not being genuine.

So, at this time, we can try to focus our attention on ourselves. What makes us internally reject closeness?

What experiences in our lives have shaped how we interact with others?

A mother who is at peace with herself and takes good care of herself can show her child that it's okay to be alone, even when she's by herself. This helps the child learn how to be alone.

Taking care of yourself is more important than learning about interpersonal relationships. It will have a more profound impact on your child if you take care of your own heart, see your own deep-seated fears and needs, and try to heal them.

2. Try making a few different attributions and don't take on too much responsibility.

As you can see, you're blaming your child's lack of friends on your own social withdrawal.

Once we make this one-sided attribution, something else might happen:

1. Feeling helpless, stressed, and like a failure

If there's only one reason why the child doesn't have friends, and that reason is "because of me," then when I can't adjust or improve this factor for now, I'll naturally feel powerless, uneasy, and self-blame.

2. Forgetting about the child's own needs and personality

The thing is, the subject of the phenomenon of "the child having no friends" is actually the child. But in the message, because we pointed the finger of blame at ourselves, we've shifted the focus of attention from the child to ourselves. This has led to the possibility that we haven't seen the child's own needs and personality:

Is your child naturally quiet and introverted, and do they prefer to interact with fewer people?

3. It seems like the only other factors at play are you and the child.

From your message, I noticed that

The result is that both the child and I are bored and uninterested at home.

Typically, kids have both their parents and grandparents and other older relatives as companions. However, the message only mentions you as the companion, and the father is missing.

I'm curious if there are some circumstances in the child's upbringing that are different from other families. These factors also need to be considered.

But if we look at the phenomenon of "children having no friends" from a wider perspective, we can be more accepting of our own social withdrawal. We can also see more objectively whether children have a need to make friends and, if they do, what ways we can support them.

I'd also like to say that I respect and admire you. You're a mother who is always thinking and trying to give her child a good environment. You're nourishing your child's growth with your own love. No parent is perfect.

We're all human, after all.

Kids have the ability to heal themselves, too.

Spending time with your child and showing them love is also a journey of growth and experience together.

I'm sharing this with you in the hope that it will inspire you.

Dear Mom, I hope my response can be of some help and support to you.

In the process of raising children, you may realize that you have invested a great deal of yourself in your children and hope that they can be healthy and happy. You may wish to avoid affecting your children's interactions with others because of yourself. You may have also tried hard to change yourself, but have not made as much progress as you would have liked.

It would be beneficial to seek help from others in order to gain a comprehensive analysis.

I believe that in human interactions, it's important to feel genuine.

In the course of communicating with your parents, you may sometimes feel that you are being less than genuine. Would you like to be able to show the best side of yourself to others, give a good impression, please others, and connect with others?

Often, we may not feel as confident as we would like to be and may not fully approve of ourselves. However, being genuine is often the most important thing in getting along with others.

It might be helpful to try to get away from the control of others.

First, we can accept ourselves, see our strengths, and express ourselves authentically. It is important to remember that most people are ordinary individuals who simply want to feel safe and relaxed in their surroundings.

From the lack of acceptance from others

From the influence of others.

Perhaps it would be helpful to move on from other people's mistakes.

It can be challenging to recognize our own strengths when we're dealing with a lot of internal repression.

I believe that, over the years, you may have desired to be recognized and connected with others. In the process of raising children, it would be beneficial to try to enter their hearts. A deep connection will give your child confidence.

Perhaps it's not that you can't express yourself, but rather that there are a number of factors at play that prevent you from seeing your own strengths and hinders communication with others.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to consider establishing your own core belief system and learning to appreciate and accept yourself. It's possible that accepting the imperfections of the present moment could provide a sense of spiritual freedom.

It would be beneficial to your child if you were to satisfy your own needs, avoid self-deprecation, and remain unaffected by the objective environment. It would also be advantageous for your child to see a positive, sunny, and optimistic mother, full of hope and vitality for the future. This would likely motivate your child as well.

Show the value of the other person. Everyone needs to be seen by others.

Often, we unintentionally prevent others from getting to know our true selves. We may be reluctant to connect with others because we are afraid of our own imperfections.

If you live your life as a ray of light, you can accept yourself and others. You will continue to present the value of others, and everyone needs to be seen by others, which will also be returned to you, creating a connection and lasting interactions. It might be helpful to find your lost self, be happy, and see if that makes your children happy too.

Dear Question Asker, From your description, I understand that you are concerned about your child's mental health due to your reluctance to participate in group activities. Additionally, you seem to be experiencing anxiety about your interpersonal relationships, feelings of restlessness, guilt, self-blame, and helplessness. I recommend seeking professional counseling to address these concerns. Best regards, [Your Name] [Your Title]

It is accurate to conclude that parents are the primary educators of their children, and their words, actions, and methods of handling situations will subtly influence their offspring. However, it is also essential to recognize that children possess their own inherent temperament types, influenced by heredity, which are challenging to alter and susceptible to change. Even if some unconscious negative behavioral patterns of parents affect their children, children can also improve through their own learning, as everyone possesses plasticity and the willingness to do good.

There is no need to be overly concerned or to blame yourself or feel guilty. Your social preferences will not have a significant negative impact on your child. I believe your child is capable of living his own life and dealing with the problems and difficulties he encounters in his studies and life.

It is evident from your description that you deliberately avoid socializing in groups, which has not significantly impacted your life. In fact, you often find this state of affairs beneficial. For instance, you feel relaxed and at ease when you go out with your child alone.

In other words, if your social style does not harm others and also satisfies your own social preferences and needs, you should be free to make your own choices. There is no need to force yourself to fit in with circles you do not like. Being able to please yourself is a valuable skill.

However, you will envy parents who can play together because of their children, especially the weekend family gatherings, outings, and other activities they organize together. This indicates that you also have the desire and longing to have such social relationships within you. At this time, you need to identify what else is behind your envy of them. For example, the longing to be popular, to be needed, to feel isolated...

The statement "My child has no friends" is a reflection of the child's current situation, not an indication that the child lacks social connections. The child's absence from home, except for school, may impact their physical and mental well-being. However, there is no evidence of unusual behavior or a response from the teacher. This suggests that the belief that the child has no friends may be a projection of your internal anxiety. What are your thoughts on this matter?

If you feel closed off and unable to let go, you may perceive communication as forced and interactions with others as inauthentic. However, these perceptions are subjective and may not align with how others view your social patterns.

Indeed, self-awareness and feelings are important, but combining others' perceptions of ourselves will provide a more objective and accurate understanding and judgment of ourselves. What are your thoughts on this?

It would be beneficial to assess whether your comprehension and evaluation of your social patterns are unduly narrow. Could this narrowness be attributed to a specific inferiority complex that engenders feelings of unacceptance and unconfidence, and a fear of rejection and harm due to a perceived lack of adequacy?

Furthermore, are you concerned about being controlled, losing your identity, and having to compromise, please, and sacrifice yourself to maintain the harmony of the relationship? In fact, a comfortable, harmonious, and lasting relationship must be one in which each individual can truly be themselves.

It is important to trust your child and trust yourself. If you feel that your social relationships are beneficial for you, then you should follow your own choices.

When you prioritize your own well-being and self-care, you are more likely to positively influence your child's childhood.

I am Yang Lili, the respondent. I extend my warmest regards to you all.

Hello!

I am a swallow. Let's look together.

You say you can't fit in with your child's classmates' parents.

If they do, the kids will just hang out with them, and you won't fit in.

You feel comfortable taking your child out alone, but worry they won't make friends.

As a mother, I understand wanting to give your child the best upbringing.

Mothers aren't perfect.

I saw a post where a mother raised three kids on her own. They're all successful. When someone asked her about her parenting style, she said, "I don't know. They figured it out on their own."

She said, "I won't interfere with you either. You figure it out for yourselves."

Children learn by imitating, but they are also creative.

If you can't give something, let the child create it.

You let your child go out with other parents alone, which lets your child create something of their own.

What is a good mother?

You feel anxious because other parents can play with their children, but you can't.

That's not how you should be judged.

What's the hardest thing for parents?

"Letting go" and "self-awareness and change"

Many parents feel they're doing the right thing with their kids, so they don't want to change.

You have done this.

You know what's going on and change your approach when needed.

This is rare.

Talk to your child.

If your child can play with other parents, he's old enough to understand you.

Your child doesn't understand why you're alone.

He thinks you're not happy when he plays with other kids.

Tell your child how you feel.

This way, he can understand you and you can communicate.

Be yourself.

Every cowardly act has a reason.

When dealing with others, you call it "hypocrisy."

This shows you don't know how to hide your likes and dislikes.

Everyone has a personality. When you can't change, you can accept yourself. You are who you are.

Tell yourself it's okay. You can enjoy time with your child.

Hug!

?

Hello there, host!

When parents extend an invitation to you next time, why not take the first step and give it a try? It's not for the sake of the children, but to give yourself a chance to socialize. You've got this!

Socializing is something we all have to do at some point. We're social animals, and we need to interact and connect with other people so we can understand, improve, and warm ourselves up. Of course, if it's clear that the parents aren't very good, it's a different story.

It's important to remember that the host should be more concerned about their own social issues than their children. For social phobics, socializing can be really challenging, and this difficulty is more psychological. In real life, we won't be persecuted for socializing, but it will only deepen other people's impression of us.

It doesn't matter if the impression is good or bad. What matters is that you engage with other people, interact with them, and just do it! Reveal a part of your true self, and don't worry about the rest.

It's okay to be afraid of socializing sometimes. We all have different sides to our personalities, and it can be scary to show the world the parts of ourselves that we're not totally comfortable with. But remember, all of these different sides of ourselves are part of who we are, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Next time, try to be kind. We all have to learn how to be social, and we can all do it! Don't be afraid, fear will only make people maintain a state of internal conflict. Tell yourself more, you can do it, take it slowly step by step, you don't have to force yourself.

Come on, I know you want to do it. You can do it!

If you have read this far, you may be thinking, "Your child is already 16 years old. He can go off on his own, so why doesn't he just go and let himself be insulted and ridiculed?"

I believe that in the future she will understand and will also take care of herself in this way to reduce the harm. It is just possible that at that time, as a young child, she will not protect herself in this way.

It might also be the case that the girl is very attached to her mother and feels that she is in the same situation as her mother and cannot be separated from her. She may feel that if she leaves alone, leaving all the embarrassment and humiliation for her mother to bear alone, it would be very distressing for her. So, compared to leaving alone, she would rather stay and bear it together with her mother.

As a mother, I don't believe she felt embarrassed or humiliated. It seemed that she was more concerned with the situation at hand and her daughter's well-being.

Maternal love is indeed great, and a mother's love and devotion to her child is truly great. However, it is also important to consider the love a child has for their parents. In fact, a child's love for their parents is no less than the parents' love for the child. However, perhaps the child is more naïve, and her love is also very naïve and may not be expressed. In such cases, it may be helpful to appreciate the love with our hearts and feel it with our hearts.

It may be helpful to wait until the child is able to communicate, just as it took time for her to grow up and become capable of earning money to buy her mother the first dress.

It would be interesting to know how many mothers fail to see this.

It's as if you're rejecting a child, yet presenting a model of the child you've created in your heart, using other people's children as an example. You praise other children for their ability to do housework, for their obedience, and for their friendly interactions with their mothers. Some parents stop here, thinking that they shouldn't encourage the child by criticizing them. So they stop here. Some parents, however, continue to criticize, saying, "You know better than anyone else what to do, but you can't do anything right. You're not very good at everything."

So, after sharing these thoughts, what would you like your child to say or do in response?

It's important to be mindful of the way we speak to our children. When we ask "How is everyone else's child?", it can convey a sense of disapproval or dislike of our own child. This can be hurtful and may cause them to distance themselves from us. It's essential to remember that every child is unique and has their own strengths and weaknesses. We can support our children to grow into the best version of themselves by offering encouragement and constructive feedback.

It is important to recognize that a child will never become exactly what their parents want them to be. Similarly, parents will never see their child become exactly what they want them to be. Some children may rebel, some may strive to be better, and some may shine in ways that parents may not anticipate. However, it is crucial to understand that parents cannot make their child become the person they want them to be.

It's as if parents are holding hands, which can sometimes impede the natural flow of love from children to parents. This can potentially stifle the blossoming love and efforts of children to love their parents, and it might distort the child's true appearance.

It's important to remember that children's love is a natural and enduring force. They may express it in ways that are more subtle or cautious, or even in ways that are a little more challenging to understand. It's also important to recognize that they love and care for their parents, even if they may not always express it in the same way as other children.

It appears that parents, who may not receive the same level of affection from their children as they would like, may express their frustration by expressing their thoughts and feelings to their children. This can happen on numerous occasions.

This kind of relationship can be difficult for everyone involved. Parents often have high expectations, which may not always be met. Children may face disciplinary actions throughout their lives and may not always receive affirmation or permission. It's important to recognize that children may also be struggling with their own emotions and needs.

I believe that true love is always about paying attention to people and seeing and feeling for their feelings. It's not about imposing one's own views on others or telling them what to do.

I wonder if we might consider the story of the mother and daughter? Dear readers, if the girl had taken care of her own feelings, turned around and walked away, rather than passively accepting it, then perhaps the next thing that happened would not have happened, the conflict between the mother and daughter would not have intensified, and she might not have attracted the ridicule of passers-by. She might have been able to save face.

Could it perhaps be argued that

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider our own feelings first.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider what we can do next.

3. Rather than forcing others to change,

I hope you will have the opportunity to read this article when you have a moment. I also hope that this mother can allow herself to be her true self, just as parents allow their children to be themselves.

It might be helpful to consider that if we are fortunate enough to have an inner parent in our hearts, we can hope that this inner parent will allow us to be exactly who we are and help us to believe that we are fully capable of getting along well with others, communicating effectively, raising our children well, doing our job well, developing our careers, and taking care of our families.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the role of labels and the question of what we should do.

I believe that only by truly being yourself will you never feel unnatural or fake.

I have always been on a path of self-growth and improvement, and I am happy to be of help in critical moments.

I am Jane Eyre, and I want to say that I love you, the world!

I was profoundly affected by the sincerity of your inquiry.

You are preoccupied with your children's social interactions and the potential influence of your personality on these interactions. This concern is causing you distress.

It must be stated that no obligation is owed to one's children.

You have already provided your children with a substantial amount of love and companionship, and you have also facilitated numerous opportunities for group interaction.

Should the situation prove overwhelming and elicit feelings of distress, it is crucial to recognize that this is not the kind of mother a child would want to see.

Should one be compelled to make sacrifices and compromises in order to facilitate their child's socialization, it would undoubtedly prove a burden on both parties.

It would be advisable to remain at home for a little longer.

"For the majority of the time, I take my children out on my own, without the presence of other parents, and I feel at ease. Alternatively, I allow someone else to take my children out, and I do not accompany them."

"There is no feasible way to attend group outings."

This is an optimal solution. It allows parents to engage in mutual support and to rely on one another in the care of their children. This relationship is mutually beneficial.

- Take your child to pay the water and electricity bills, and he will gain insight into the origins of water and the inner workings of a typical household.

It is beneficial for parents to engage their children in activities that align with their own interests and hobbies. This allows children to gain an understanding of their parents' diverse interests and to observe the value that parents place on pursuing their own passions.

It is my hope that the aforementioned suggestions will prove beneficial to you. I wish you the best of luck.

From your question, I get the impression that you're currently experiencing feelings of anxiety and guilt.

It seems that you experience anxiety in relationships with your peers. I get the impression that you feel somewhat uncomfortable being with other people.

When you have to interact with or talk to other people, you feel somewhat disconnected and unable to fully engage. This feeling makes you reluctant to be with other people.

On the other hand, you feel guilty about the influence you have on your children. It seems that you feel that because you are not as socially adept as you would like to be, your children are unable to participate in interpersonal relationships as well as they could and have lost many opportunities to make friends.

I couldn't help but notice that you don't seem to feel uncomfortable when you go out with a group of children on your own, and you also appear to feel at ease when your child is taken out for play while you are not.

I get the impression that you have a somewhat negative view of yourself in social situations. I'm not sure what experiences you've had that have led to this way of thinking.

I believe we can work together to understand why relationships cause you distress and explore ways to alleviate the anxiety and guilt you feel.

Could I ask why relationships cause you such distress?

I sense that in interpersonal relationships, your discomfort may stem partly from a sense of not having much to contribute, and partly from the impression that you may be avoiding engaging with others' comments about you.

You might find it helpful to explore these two areas a little more.

Could I ask why you feel that you have nothing to say in a relationship? What are these feelings of discomfort that you experience?

Could you please tell me how these thoughts make you feel?

Could I ask whether you are avoiding other people's judgments? How do you think other people might judge you in your relationships with them?

Could you please share what you feel when others judge you? And how do you judge yourself?

Could I ask what you expect others to say about you? Do you think you've met their expectations?

How might you find a way to relieve the guilt?

On the one hand, I suggest that the questioner consider ways to reduce self-criticism. You may wish to explore the possibility of building a relationship with other people, even if you feel uncomfortable.

When you feel uncomfortable and want to criticize yourself, you might consider taking a moment to quiet your mind and observe your emotions, your expectations, and whether these expectations can be met.

On the other hand, I respectfully suggest that the questioner consider lowering their expectations of others' evaluations. I have the impression that you feel a sense of obligation to contribute in your relationships with others.

If you don't say anything, you may feel a bit uneasy. However, it's worth noting that simply being present and staying quiet can often be a comfort to others.

I hope these suggestions will be of some use to you.

I wish you the best of luck! Warm regards,

Hello. From your description, it's clear you blame yourself for not getting along with other parents, which has affected the children's ability to have more playmates. Before discussing this issue, I'd like to give you a big hug to show you I support you.

I'm sure you don't want to affect your children's physical and mental health because of your own reasons. You want to be a better mother. I don't know how old your children are, whether they go to kindergarten or school, whether they have some good friends at kindergarten and school, and how they interact with their friends. Do you think that if "someone else takes my child out to play," the children will have fun when they go out to play? Do they share it with you when they come back? The children are able to go out to play with others and do quite well when their mother is not around. I'm certain your children's development in terms of social interaction is still very good.

If you want to make up for the doubt that you can't play with your children, you will have to overcome some difficulties and make some changes. You don't need to suddenly become the kind of "moms who can play together for the sake of their children." Start by sitting on the sidelines and watching. You can blend in slowly. You can also allow yourself to always be an audience member, watching the children play happily together.

These are my personal views, for reference only. Take care of yourself.