How to help my boyfriend break away from his family? He doesn't want to quarrel with his parents.

It would be beneficial to consider a holistic approach to supporting your boyfriend in breaking free from the control and negative influence of his family of origin. This approach should not only address immediate psychological stress, but also focus on long-term self-development and personal empowerment. The following suggestions aim to provide a comprehensive and ongoing support framework in this regard.

1. It might be helpful to promote self-awareness.

You might consider helping your boyfriend to enhance his self-awareness through self-reflection and introspection. This could include encouraging him to explore his values, beliefs, and how these relate to his upbringing.

It might be helpful for him to keep a diary, or to seek counselling or read self-help books, as a way of getting to know himself better and identifying patterns that have been formed under the influence of the family.

2. Consider developing emotional intelligence.

It might be helpful to consider ways of improving emotional intelligence, including the ability to recognize, express, regulate, and use emotions. This could be an area to explore together, perhaps through reading books, attending workshops, or seeking counseling.

3. Consider helping your boyfriend to develop an independent social identity.

You might like to consider encouraging your boyfriend to find and establish his own social identity outside the family. This could be done by participating in community activities, volunteering, or pursuing personal interests. This may help him to build self-confidence, and also give him a sense of belonging and a social support network.

4. Consider learning communication skills.

It would be beneficial for your boyfriend to learn effective communication skills, which are essential for handling relationships in the family of origin. You could encourage him to express his needs and boundaries clearly and honestly, as well as to listen and understand others.

We hope that these tips will be helpful in improving family relationships and reducing misunderstandings and conflicts.

5. It might be helpful to gradually establish financial independence.

For many people, financial dependence is an important aspect of control by the family of origin. It may be helpful to assist your boyfriend in developing a realistic plan to gradually achieve financial independence, which could increase his autonomy and reduce family control.

It might be helpful to explore alternative family models.

It might be helpful to explore and learn healthy family interaction patterns through reading, movies, or conversations with others. Understanding how different families support each other's growth and happiness could provide your boyfriend with new perspectives and possible courses of action.

7. Consider ways to build resilience and adaptability.

You might like to encourage your boyfriend to build resilience through sports, adventurous travel, or anything that challenges him and improves his adaptability. These experiences could well boost his confidence and sense of self-efficacy, and help him better cope with the pressures and challenges in life.

In short, helping your boyfriend break free from the control of his family of origin will require time, patience, and perseverance. It is a process that involves personal growth, emotional healing, and self-empowerment.

It is important to remember that professional mental health support is essential during this process. At the same time, as a partner, your understanding, support, and love can play an important role in helping him lead a healthier life.

Dear questioner, I am here to support you.

Your boyfriend is suffering, but he has been affected by his family of origin. His parents' behavior has already caused a life-threatening situation, and it's clear that he's disappointed and even desperate by it. As his girlfriend, you have not run away from the problem. You've faced it head-on, and it's time to sort things out.

I don't know what happened that caused his parents to treat him this way. You need to observe how his parents get along with each other and treat others. Are his relatives like this too? The influence of the original family on a person is too great, and many people find it difficult to escape the influence of their original family.

You want to help your boyfriend, but it is difficult to listen to other people's advice when you are in the middle of an emotional crisis. You are more in your own world, constantly attacking and denying yourself. He doesn't need advice; he needs support and company to give him strength and support.

Your boyfriend is already very helpless and needs professional support to release the internal pressure. Your support is very important to him. You can also ask for help in critical moments. Find out if there are any relatives of his parents who can present the current situation. If there is an accident, you need to be prepared to deal with the fallout.

If your boyfriend's situation is related to you in some way, it needs to be adjusted in a timely manner. Admit your own limitations. A deep freeze doesn't happen overnight. The person who started the problem is the one who has to fix it. Agreed?

Be yourself. You are important. Maintain boundaries. Don't treat the other person as a weak person. And present your true self.

You have my blessing.

Hello, questioner.

From your description, I can sense some inner confusion. It's admirable that you're able to recognize this discomfort and face it with courage.

You mentioned that your boyfriend is dealing with the influence of his family of origin, that he has some challenging thoughts, and that you want to support him but are unsure of the best way to do so, which can make you feel a bit helpless. Is that correct?

From your description, I can understand your feelings very well. It is clear that you love your boyfriend very much and hope that he can leave his family of origin behind and enjoy a happy life with ease.

Based on your description, my feelings, and some suggestions, I hope they can be of some help.

First of all, if you want to break free from the control of your family of origin and gain inner liberation, it would be beneficial for your boyfriend to be aware and willing to break free. If he doesn't have the strength, you might consider suggesting that he seek help from a professional counselor.

It might be helpful to consider gaining inner strength through psychological healing, which could allow you to be strong inside and take care of yourself.

Secondly, you might also consider supporting and accompanying your boyfriend with your love. It could be beneficial to let him feel the warmth of love when he is in an uncomfortable emotional state, and you could do the same.

Perhaps you could consider going with him more often. It might be helpful to look for positive experiences and things he does that make him happy, feel good about himself, and feel a sense of worth. Allowing him to do these things more often could potentially give him strength from within.

It might also be helpful to remember that everyone is an expert at solving their own problems. They are just sometimes bound by their emotions.

You might also consider suggesting to your boyfriend that he go for a run and get some sun to help relieve the negative thoughts in his mind. It might be helpful to encourage him to be brave and adjust his state of mind.

It would be beneficial for him to face it with strength.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to consider the possibility that some of the difficulties your boyfriend is currently facing may be related to issues between him and his biological family. As someone who cares about him deeply, I believe it would be beneficial for you to explore this possibility with him.

You can help him by encouraging him to find a counselor and to gain strength. Once he has done that, he will be in a better position to set firm boundaries and distinguish between facts and feelings.

It is important to remember that everyone's upbringing in their original family is different, and therefore our inner strength is different too. It is likely that your boyfriend's inner strength is also very conflicted, given that he has long been influenced by that kind of family atmosphere. It can be difficult for him to walk away, but if you continue to encourage and support him, he may be able to regain strength within himself and gain new strength to love himself.

May I suggest that you identify the sources of your own strength, and that you share them with him? I believe that, with time, he will begin to change.

Greetings. I am Strawberry.

In every family unit, the practice of filial piety is often regarded as the optimal means of fostering harmonious relationships. However, it is important to recognize that not all manifestations of filial piety necessarily align with the ideal of mutual respect and understanding within a family structure. In some instances, flawed conceptualizations and educational approaches may inadvertently shape children's behaviors in ways that are perceived as "filial piety."

The impact of negligent parenting on children

The questioner's boyfriend's biological family exhibits a high degree of control. Their approach to childrearing involves the suppression and blame of their offspring. The parents are in an unhappy relationship and spend the majority of their time engaged in conflict. The questioner's boyfriend has experienced a form of psychological suffocation and emotional distress due to his upbringing in such an environment and his proximity to such parents.

In the face of such parental conduct, the questioner's boyfriend is reluctant to engage in conflict with his parents. Despite the numerous shortcomings of his parents, the emotional value they provide to the questioner's boyfriend is predominantly negative, leading to a proclivity for self-harm. Nevertheless, they remain his parents, and he is disinclined to sever ties with them solely to escape their inappropriate parenting style.

It is a fallacy to equate foolish obedience with filial piety.

He is aware that his parents' approach to parenting is problematic and has had a significant impact on him. However, the questioner's boyfriend believes that he should not have a falling-out with his parents. This indicates that the questioner's boyfriend is more inclined to accommodate and tolerate his parents. He views filial piety as the paramount virtue for a child.

As outsiders, we are acutely aware that the questioner's boyfriend's approach of tolerating and suppressing his true emotions in the face of his parents' misguided parenting style constitutes an act of foolish filial piety. Not only is this not an act of filial piety, it is, in fact, an encouragement of his parents' continued mistreatment of him.

What strategies might be employed to assist my partner in extricating himself from the influence of his biological family?

The damage inflicted by the original family has a profound impact on an individual. When there is an unwillingness to alter one's circumstances and address the underlying issues, regardless of the input from others, the desired outcome will remain elusive. The decision to effect change ultimately rests with the individual in question.

It is recommended that the questioner's boyfriend seek professional assistance. It is unfortunate that an unhappy childhood can take a lifetime to heal. The questioner's boyfriend's childhood was unhappy, and he was unable to resist because he was weak. However, now that he is an adult, he still cannot escape his parents' control and harm. When faced with life's problems, the questioner's boyfriend has chosen to avoid them.

Due to the inappropriate educational methods and concepts employed by his parents, the questioner's boyfriend has developed a tendency to isolate himself. His perception and abilities render it challenging for him to extricate himself from this predicament independently. Currently, he requires guidance from professionals to gradually identify the issues he is facing and develop a realistic plan to address them.

It is recommended that companionship be provided. If the questioner lacks certain psychological knowledge about stress relief, she may be susceptible to emotional and behavioral influences from her boyfriend. To effectively accompany her boyfriend without being affected by him, the questioner should pursue psychological courses and knowledge about the original family with her boyfriend.

The books "It's Not Your Fault" and "Why Does the Original Family Hurt People?" can be studied together. This process can be beneficial for the questioner's boyfriend as a form of healing. It can also be beneficial for the questioner, as it allows her to gain a deeper understanding of how to support her boyfriend and to facilitate his healing based on different situations and reactions.

The optimal approach would be for the boyfriend to demonstrate tolerance and forbearance in the face of the harm caused by his family of origin. The limitations imposed by his family of origin have also affected the question asker's perception of the situation. Despite being aware of the underlying issue, he still chooses to "forgive" his parents.

As we are not the boyfriend of the original poster, we are unable to ascertain his precise thoughts and feelings regarding his decision to tolerate and forgive his parents. However, his actions indicate that he does not fully acknowledge the harm caused by his parents, or the impact this has had on him.

To avoid the control and harm of one's family of origin, it is not always necessary to engage in conflict with one's parents or sever ties with them. In some cases, maintaining a distance may be a more appropriate approach. If feasible, one can attempt to persuade one's romantic partner to temporarily reside apart from one's parents, allowing for a greater opportunity to heal.

As the topic's boyfriend's psychological tolerance increases and he is able to mitigate the adverse effects of his parents' actions, his circumstances will undoubtedly improve. He will then be in a position to address the challenges he faces with his parents while maintaining his academic pursuits.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner.

Hello! I'm pleased to see that you've sought assistance, and I hope that my input can provide some support and guidance.

I can sense your concern for your boyfriend and your desire to offer him support and assistance.

Our family and parents are something we cannot choose for ourselves. However, we can try to learn to accept them better as adults, especially if your boyfriend is aware of his parents' strong controlling tendencies and wants to get away from them.

It seems that your boyfriend views breaking free from his parents' controlling tendencies as breaking off relations with them. This suggests that he may have difficulty accepting his parents as they are, and that he feels controlled by them.

Given that he has been treated in this way by his parents since childhood, it seems that he has identified with and internalized this approach.

While he currently experiences distress due to excessive parental control in his life, he may not yet have the courage and confidence to bravely give up the benefits of being controlled, such as not having to make too many choices and decisions in his life, let alone take responsibility for his actions.

It might be the case that being over-controlled and over-interfered with by parents for a long time has made him strongly dependent on his parents in all aspects. This could mean that he doesn't believe that he has the ability to make choices for his life and take responsibility for them. It might be helpful to consider ways of better relieving the inner feelings of powerlessness and frustration. One approach could be to fall into the fear of change, the fear of emotions, and not take the initiative to try to get out of parental control. This could be because he's afraid that parents will definitely break off relations with them.

I would be interested to hear your thoughts on this.

It might be helpful to remember that your boyfriend is taking a courageous step in trying to break away from parental control. It's natural to feel a little scared and insecure, especially when we're trying to follow our hearts and make choices that are opposed or interfered with by our parents. It's okay if he feels wavering in his determination to break away from parental control.

It is important to remember that even if there is a lot of fear and anxiety inside, it is still possible to stand firm in one's choices and decisions. One way to start could be with the little things in life, such as eating together, what to order, and what to wear. This could help both parents and children to gradually adapt and accept each other's choices. It is also important to be gentle in one's attitude, but firm in one's beliefs.

At the same time, it is important for him to understand that the negative emotions his parents project onto him make him feel so much pain because he feels that he needs to take responsibility for this part of his parents' emotions and that he himself has caused this part of his parents' negative emotional state. This is because he lacked clear self-boundaries during his growth due to excessive parental control. It is not his responsibility to take on his parents' emotions. He can bravely and sincerely express his true inner feelings and needs at that emotional moment. When facing his parents' harsh criticism and dislike, he can simply admit, "Yes, there are times when I haven't done well enough, but that doesn't mean I always will."

It might take some time for your boyfriend to break free from his parents' desire for control. As an adult today, he should be confident that he has the ability and resources to make his own choices in life, if he so chooses.

I would also like to suggest that your encouragement, support, and companionship are very important.

I would suggest that he might find it helpful to read "Life Without Control by Parents" and "Dialogue with the Fear Within".

Hello. I'm Coach Yu, and I'm going to discuss this topic with you.

Emotional perception is our ability to recognize, control, and regulate our emotions. It is also a manifestation of emotional intelligence.

In "The Plastic Me," Chen Jiejun writes: Many people are unable to deal with things or emotions because they confuse feelings, emotions, and thoughts.

Feelings are the physiological and biological responses of a person to external stimuli.

For example, if someone stabs you with a needle, you feel pain, which is a feeling. If the north wind blows in winter, you feel cold, which is also a feeling. Feelings include responses to external and internal stimuli.

The boyfriend has long been blamed and quarreled with by his parents, and he is certain that cutting off ties is an expression of filial piety.

Emotion is the human reaction to feelings.

For example, when the environment is hot, your palms sweat and your heart races. Emotions are typically experienced as irritability or excitement when your body is highly energized and your heartbeat is accelerated. Emotions and feelings generally respond through the peripheral nervous system of the nervous system.

The boyfriend was flooded with negative emotions from his parents and has reached the point of suicidal tendencies, as the questioner correctly asserted.

The idea is this: it's how a person understands and interprets their feelings and emotions.

The idea does not originate in the peripheral nervous system. It originates in the central nervous system because it involves understanding and interpretation.

The boyfriend wants to avoid falling out with his parents while also breaking away from family control.

Next, we'll re-process the process to solve this emotional perception problem. We'll understand the emotional changes of my boyfriend and then manage and express his emotions.

Tell me, what does your boyfriend feel and think when he thinks about the constant nagging and arguing of his parents in his family of origin? And why do my parents try to control me?

They should see me as part of themselves. My parents always blame me for things I haven't done.

Is it because I never get anything right? We can ask our boyfriend to think back to his childhood and whether, when he was picking up chopsticks or learning to walk, he was interrupted and stopped countless times by his mother because of her worries and anxieties and her fear of bad consequences.

Over time, children will judge themselves based on the unknown, that is, "if I don't do well, I will get into trouble." This inevitably leads to a problematic self-efficacy and vulnerability in adulthood.

Tell me, what does your boyfriend feel and think when he thinks about not upsetting his parents? "Forget it, you have to be a filial child!"

You have to accept it. It's the truth. I had no choice. In fact, we can ask our boyfriend to try asking himself if we have ever expressed to our parents the discomfort of being controlled and blamed.

We should also ask our boyfriend to think about how he would respond if he were in our position, dealing with the same criticism and arguments from our parents.

Ask your boyfriend to think about what he would worry about if he were temporarily separated from his parents. What would come to mind?

It is a fact that feelings, emotions, and thoughts are the result of the nervous system and the brain working together. When these two systems work in harmony, you will feel calm inside.

Let your boyfriend know what you're feeling. Write it down. This will help us understand the origins and effects of our emotions, and also help us clarify the root of the problem.

We can and should encourage our boyfriend to have an honest exchange with his parents. First, he should listen to what they expect of him. He should also listen to their stories about their childhood to help us understand them. At the same time, we should also express to our parents that we have grown up. We can choose for ourselves in many things. We have the ability to bear the consequences of our choices. We hope that our parents will do something about it. Communication can not only help us release our emotions. It can also improve our parent-child relationship. Of course, we need to be prepared for both outcomes. If our parents accept it readily, we can gradually and progressively improve our relationship with them through our own maturity.

If your parents can't accept it at first, don't be discouraged. It's been a habit for so many years, but we can create the right opportunity to communicate again. Time and sincerity will allow your parents to see your growth, and we will make it happen.

If your boyfriend is currently living with his family, you should separate them physically. This is often the first step in reconciling a relationship.

We can and should seek help for this troubling issue. It will not be easy to overcome it immediately, but we can do it. Find a relative or friend who he trusts and has always given him positive support to talk to. If you feel the need, you can also find a counselor. Emotions must be released to relieve the heaviness and blockage in our hearts.

We must keep exploring the path of self-improvement and self-awareness. We will discover our own unique value and construct a self-evaluation system. We will encourage our boyfriend to enrich himself and become stronger. When he has a stable core, he will not be overly dependent on others, nor will he care about what others say. He will confidently show himself and calmly face his parents.

Read the book "Know Thyself, Accept Thyself."

Dear questioner, Let's understand your boyfriend's situation. His family environment has caused him stress and restrictions. He doesn't want to fall out with his parents, which is a dilemma.

His feelings are real, and his struggles are worthy of respect.

To help him break free from the control of his family of origin, we must try the following specific suggestions:

1. Communicate deeply. It is crucial to communicate deeply and equally with your boyfriend. Encourage him to express his thoughts and feelings, while you listen and try to understand his position.

Avoid accusations or criticism in the communication process. Support and encourage him with warm words.

2. Build an emotional support network. Let your boyfriend know he's not alone. Invite him to social activities, meet new people, and expand his social circle.

At the same time, you should encourage him to share his feelings with people who can understand him, such as friends, colleagues, or a counselor.

3. Set personal boundaries. Help your boyfriend clarify his needs and boundaries. This does not mean cutting off ties with family members. It means learning to protect your own mental health.

For example, he should set specific times or occasions to maintain an appropriate distance from his family.

4. Learn communication skills. Advise your boyfriend to use communication skills and resources to communicate better with his family. For example, he should use "I" language to express his feelings and needs and avoid accusations and attacks.

Teach him how to effectively express his position and thoughts, rather than passively accepting the accusations of his family.

5. Seek professional help. If the situation continues to deteriorate or your boyfriend feels overwhelmed, he should seek the help of a counselor. A professional counselor can provide more targeted advice and support to help your boyfriend better handle his relationship with his family of origin.

Your support and understanding are crucial for your boyfriend. Stay patient and caring, and trust that he'll overcome this challenge and find happiness on his own.

Take care of yourself and don't worry too much. You're facing this problem together, and you're not alone.

You can count on us. We will always be by your side, offering you the warm support and advice you need.