How to make a firm decision to strive for the goal and not disappoint oneself and others?

Hello! I totally get where you're coming from. For college students, graduation is right around the corner, and it's a tough decision: should you go for further studies or jump into the job market?

I would highly, highly recommend that you go and talk to a career planner and ask them to discuss your future career direction with you based on your resources and specialties.

Second, I'd love to talk to you about whether the things you do are really what you want to do. For example, you said you didn't apply for postgraduate studies.

I've realized that I don't have the logical thinking required of civil servants, so I've decided to apply for a civil servant position! I'm excited to see what happens. Another example is an internship at a small company, where you are unwilling to be criticized and blamed.

All of this seems to indicate that you didn't take the time to think about or prepare for these things when you did them. You just went along with it, and the results weren't what you wanted.

There are two types of people: those who take the initiative and those who don't. And you know what? People who take the initiative are the ones who prepare in advance and think of solutions when they encounter difficulties.

People who are passive do the opposite: they do whatever they are told to do, and if they can't do it well, they can blame no one but themselves. They will find all kinds of excuses to avoid difficulties. Which type of person do you think you are closer to?

And finally, I'm excited to recommend that you first find a goal that you truly recognize. This goal isn't something that someone else is pushing on you. It's something that comes from your heart!

Absolutely! You can discuss how to set these goals with others, but they must be goals you agree with 100%. Then break these goals down into smaller ones that are achievable and not too difficult for you.

And find a way to monitor your own completion. If you are reluctant to spend money, give someone 5,000 yuan and agree that if you complete a certain goal every day, you will get your money back. This is a great way to get started!

If it cannot be completed, the money will become the supervisor's reward – so let's get to it!

I'm sure my suggestions will help you find a way to solve the problem. Best of luck!

Good day. I can discern your distress and bewilderment. I am eager to engage in discourse regarding your prospective post-graduation endeavors and the concomitant pressures of academic and domestic life.

I perceive a certain fatigue, anxiety, and confusion in your demeanor, and I would like to discuss these issues in a gradual and methodical manner.

Firstly, it is important to recognise one's own value and to reduce external pressure.

It is my understanding that, at the post-secondary level, educational institutions typically require students to develop a career plan. It is unclear, however, whether the questioner views this as a beneficial exercise. It may, therefore, be helpful to reflect on the past four years of college and consider one's interests and areas of expertise.

The psychology of success course posits that "success is where interest lies." Regardless of whether it is the postgraduate entrance exam or the civil service exam, the questioner expresses a lack of confidence and indicates that it is not his area of expertise. Therefore, it is worthwhile to consider that there are 360 professions, and each profession has its top talent. Which area is most likely to facilitate personal growth and success?

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Secondly, it is essential to identify a goal that will genuinely contribute to one's happiness and sense of purpose.

The individual is currently employed as an intern at a small company. However, they have expressed dissatisfaction with the current work environment and a sense of inadequacy.

The questioner's words evince feelings of guilt, lack of confidence, and worry. It is understandable that the questioner is experiencing unease in the face of the pressures associated with the transition to adulthood and the expectations of society as they approach graduation. It is evident that the questioner is preparing to register for postgraduate entrance examinations once more, yet they perceive themselves to be unable to do so and believe they will be unable to complete the plan they have devised with their boyfriend. It is unclear whether the questioner attaches significant importance to success in the postgraduate entrance examination or if they are motivated primarily by a desire to give it a try.

If the decision has been made to take the exam and the boyfriend is assisting with the formulation of a plan, then the plan is both scientific and reasonable. The primary obstacle to success is oneself. One detail in the article is that the questioner wishes to take the same exam as their boyfriend. It is unclear whether the questioner is more passionate about and adept at this major.

For example, I am particularly deficient in mathematical abilities and have minimal confidence in my capacity to major in economics. Despite my best efforts, I am unable to discern any improvement, as the learning process is arduous and the progress is elusive.

The field of study I am currently engaged with is one that I find particularly appealing. Consequently, even when I encounter challenges, I am motivated to persevere, drawing upon my enthusiasm for the subject matter to sustain me.

It is my belief that the questioner is highly competent, yet nobody is without flaws. It is important to identify one's own strengths, persevere in finding solutions to challenges, and learn from the strengths of others. By doing so, we can all excel in our respective fields of expertise.

It is my hope that my response will prove somewhat helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing.

You seem confused and distressed.

Be independent.

Many people face this situation. We work hard to change and become better. You are already doing this, whether you are preparing for postgraduate or civil service exams. Know what you want and why to find your motivation.

Everyone who starts work will find things difficult at first. This is a big change from being a student. We should learn to think differently. What we did at school is very different from what we do now. Maybe we worked hard for good grades, but now it is linked to energy and interests. The attitude of the unit is different from school. We should be able to accept it to make a breakthrough.

There's nothing wrong with working hard with your boyfriend for the future. Once we choose a direction, we can make an effort to do better. Setting clear goals helps us understand why we're working hard. We can think more about this.

How can you become independent?

It's good for girls to be motivated and work hard. You have a good sense of awareness. As long as we choose a direction, we can do well. Then we should combine our strengths and choose an area to devote ourselves to. Doing what you like in your field will be enjoyable and make you independent.

We choose our goals with our boyfriend, but we need to learn to be independent and not depend on him too much. If we depend on him too much, we'll lose ourselves and be unable to persevere. We need to learn to get along better with each other.

To become more independent at work, you need to change your mindset, integrate into society, and gain a foothold quickly.

Best wishes!

I came across this reflective post from a smaller channel and, after reading your story, I searched for this specific question to provide an answer.

Please provide separate responses. I hope the following information can be shared with your girlfriend, who asked the question, for her reference.

It is worth noting that the application period for postgraduate entrance exams is longer than that for civil service exams. Therefore, it would be unwise to neglect your postgraduate studies and end up applying for civil service exams.

The public exam is somewhat analogous to postgraduate studies. It is based on a meritocracy, and it does not focus on the highest scores, but rather on the top few scores under various conditions.

Your score may not be the highest, but you will be among the first few selected for your position.

Your score may be high, but the competitive environment means there are still a few individuals ahead of you. In such circumstances, a high score is not necessarily a guarantee of advancement.

I understand that you are not enthusiastic about going to work. However, if you feel that you lack the requisite office skills and are unable to perform the tasks required of you, how would this company be willing to assign you more challenging and complex tasks?

If you are unable to complete simple, repetitive tasks, comprehend the meaning of others' words, or perform well in complex, repetitive tasks that require praise,

I would like to inquire as to what your expectations are regarding the workplace.

It is important to note that your and your boyfriend's enrollment at the same university indicates that you both entered the university at a similar level of academic proficiency.

In theory, you are on the same starting point.

Therefore, if your boyfriend has the potential to succeed, I am inclined to believe that you also have the potential to perform well in this endeavor.

You have indicated that your knowledge base is not optimal, that you continue to experience financial challenges, that you are not proficient in this skill, and that you are not adept at that other thing.

Have you perhaps not yet fully understood yourself, or have you perhaps lowered your own self-esteem in front of your boyfriend?

I am unaware of the duration of your relationship. However, if you believe you lack the requisite qualities, I will kindly inquire further.

Please explain why you believe that, if you have no negative qualities, you were able to gain your boyfriend's favor initially and have maintained it until now.

The assumption is that you attracted your boyfriend because you had many attractive qualities.

Furthermore, you are not currently evaluating these qualities in an objective manner.

It is possible that you may even, to a certain extent, be undervaluing these qualities.

Unless you inform me that he is not a suitable partner for you, or that he is too good a partner for you, so good that you are unwilling to grow up and become an adult.

Furthermore, you are unable to keep pace with the individual beside you.

I would advise you to set aside time to determine your own future plan.

Once you have made your decision, you should discuss it with your boyfriend.

If you are unsure of your career path, you may wish to consider taking a career test or psychological assessment to gain insight into your preferences and strengths.

Alternatively, eliminate the unacceptable options.

In addition, there are some objective factors to consider, such as graduation, work, family, and location.

It is essential to take the time to reflect on your own needs and desires.

Is it that you lack the requisite strength to apply for graduate school or the civil service exam at this time, or is it that you need to invest the requisite time and effort to build the strength to do so, regardless of the time frame?

Or, you may have reservations about taking the exam, or you may have other career aspirations that you're not currently pursuing.

It is advisable to discuss the matter with your boyfriend only when you have given the matter due consideration and have genuine doubts.

It would be beneficial to discuss the potential for a future together, including how it would intersect with your respective careers and how you would maintain communication.

To illustrate, in terms of future planning, the people around you are also a factor.

There is a rather uninspiring rationale at play: a lack of interest in pursuing further education, a reluctance to take examinations, and a disinclination to engage in gainful employment.

I have therefore deduced that you, as a girl,

Please indicate whether you wish to marry your boyfriend, marry him and allow him to support you, or consider becoming a housewife after graduation.

If you truly have this desire and need, you may wish to consult with your boyfriend.

If he is successful in the initial challenge, it is likely that he will have to devote more time to his studies. If you are determined to take the research exam, will you take a leave of absence from work or continue your current employment?

If you wish to take the exam, please indicate your preferred position and the level of effort you are prepared to invest. Please also consider the potential consequences of failing to make the right choice.

Furthermore, it is important to consider whether you will be able to maintain communication and a healthy work-life balance if you continue to work while he continues his studies.

Furthermore, will you continue to reside together in college, or will you pursue separate academic and professional paths after graduation, ultimately returning to your respective cities?

In the business world, a multitude of scenarios and potential outcomes exist.

If you have a clear objective, there is no need to make a decision. Instead, you should focus on optimising your processes to enhance efficiency.

Is this truly your expectation, or is it someone else's?

Furthermore, it is important to consider whether this other person includes your parents, friends, and your boyfriend.

You are both pursuing the same degree program. Following graduation, you intend to pursue a similar career path, including the same company and position.

Otherwise, should you not also be each other's primary competitor?

It is essential to first learn to be true to yourself and to live up to your own standards. Only then can you assess whether you are capable of achieving your goals within your control.

Meet the expectations of others.

If you are unable to achieve your goal, you must learn to decline and say no in order to create a clear and secure path for yourself.

The following message is directed to the questioner, who is also the boyfriend:

The following message is from the boyfriend.

If it were not for the unfortunate incident that occurred, your statements would be quite positive.

If you wish to continue liking your girlfriend and are not bothered by such responses,

I hope you will consider whether, during your previous experience of pursuing postgraduate studies,

This may be perceived as ignoring your girlfriend.

For example, have you considered the impact of moods and thoughts on the situation?

Ultimately, have you determined her true desires as her intimate partner?

If there is a significant discrepancy in the way you communicate within the relationship,

Have you considered the possibility that you are not on the same page anymore?

I hope that you are not the one facing greater pressure.

Furthermore, have you not identified her circumstances and provided her with the support and motivation to seek solutions independently?

Have you considered her in your long-term planning? Or have you considered the possibility that your future together is uncertain?

Is it to provide her with sufficient security, to firmly believe in and express to her that even if she simply does what she wants to be,

Even if she chooses not to take the postgraduate entrance exam or the civil service exam, selects a different course of study, or pursues further education elsewhere,

Is it possible for you both to remain steadfast and continue on together?

Or are there limits to what you are both willing to accept?

Do you demonstrate the same flexibility and acceptance in your interactions?

Please describe the ways in which you plan to demonstrate your commitment to this partnership and to each other.

I hope that you are a suitable partner and will be able to work well with her.

It is important to note, however, that each individual should chart their own course in life. While there may be instances where guidance is required, it is essential to maintain a sense of autonomy and independence.

It is essential that you first become independent individuals, respect and love yourselves, and then you will be able to better respect and love each other.

I wish you all the best in your future endeavors.

Hello!

Dear Bao, You are so lucky to have read this question! I was lucky enough to answer the question your boyfriend asked yesterday.

I saw the awkward operation, and it was hilarious! I can tell you've gained so much understanding and communication about the whole thing, which is fantastic!

Guess what! Someone who is very fated can stand in your shoes and give you some advice.

? Understand yourself and actively adjust your state!

And when I say understand yourself, I don't mean understand your appearance, height, weight, blood type, place of origin, where you live, where you went to school, your abilities, and so on.

But start with your heart and listen to your inner voice!

So, what do you want for yourself? And what kind of abilities does society need for this position? Then, get ready to adjust your state and make some changes!

Excel skills are a great example. The use of office software is a necessary skill.

The good news is that you still have time to gain the skills you need to succeed! All you have to do is get proficient in using the office three-piece suit (Word, PPT, Excel). Don't waste your time complaining. Instead, focus your energy on becoming the best you can be!

There are so many great tutorials out there on how to use the Office three-piece set proficiently! You can even find some on Bilibili. There are also some fantastic professional courses on the market, so you can identify and compare them and then learn from them if you want!

And you can improve this part of your ability!

? Learn to separate issues when dealing with interpersonal problems!

Other people can be tolerant or viciously judge and point out others' faults behind their backs. It's their choice and their problem. But here's the good news: no matter what they say or do, we can be free!

The great thing is, we can choose to accept their evaluation or not. We can just laugh it off and let it go. And we are not affected or disturbed by what they say to us!

This is something we can choose, and it's a fantastic power and freedom to have!

So, how do you learn to separate issues? The book "Courage to Be Disliked" uses psychological knowledge to tell a large number of stories and real-life examples, revealing to us what issue separation is and how to have the courage to be disliked, so that we can live happily and freely!

And now for something really interesting! The next part is going to be about the relationship between goals and expectations.

Set goals that match your amazing abilities!

For example, if you can only concentrate on English for 20 to 30 minutes at a time, then just study for 20 to 30 minutes at a time! Because if you try to do something beyond your abilities, it will be very painful. But if you focus on what you can do, you'll be amazed at how much you can achieve!

It's also not the most efficient way to learn. You might lose motivation and feel like giving up. But don't! If you feel like you don't have enough time, set aside 20 to 30 minutes in the morning, evening, or noon to learn English. You'll be amazed at how much you can learn in such a short amount of time!

I'd love to share a little story about my running journey with you! I'm not a runner, but…

One day, I suddenly felt like going for a run, and I was very tired after running. But I found that I could run one kilometer, so I just ran one kilometer every day!

You can run as many times as you like, morning and evening, during and after school. Before you know it, you'll be running longer distances. You'll start to run for 20 minutes without stopping, and before you know it, you'll be running 4 kilometers! You can do it! You can accomplish any goal you set for yourself, just like I did.

Time management is a total game-changer!

This is so important! It's not just about the numbers, it's about the journey.

It all depends on your feelings, state, external environment, and other comprehensive conditions. It doesn't matter how long you study for! The most important thing is to keep studying and maintain a habit. At the same time, it is sufficient that the content of this learning is rewarding and also efficient!

And it's not just about learning for the sake of learning!

I really hope my answer is helpful! The world and I love you! I wish you all the success in your postgraduate studies!

Good day, question owner.

My name is Shen Yu, and I am a student of psychology with the goal of providing assistance to you.

As graduation approaches, the future remains uncertain, and the questioner feels helpless and at a loss. This is indeed an urgent problem for college students.

I believe it would be beneficial to first acknowledge the questioner's strengths.

From the description of the question, it can be seen that the questioner has a relatively clear understanding of himself and is able to address his shortcomings directly, which is a strength.

The questioner indicated that they are not proficient in logical thinking. However, I believe they possess excellent analytical skills. For instance, in the context of the postgraduate entrance exam, the questioner did not attribute the failure to a lack of confirmation but rather identified a temporary deficiency in their preparation. Similarly, in the case of the civil service exam, the questioner did not abandon their efforts but rather conducted a thorough analysis, identifying a need for improvement in logical thinking. Additionally, in the context of the internship, the questioner demonstrated a keen awareness of their own limitations, including discomfort with the surrounding environment and a lack of current office skills. It is uncommon to observe such a comprehensive understanding.

In the second paragraph, I can also see the wisdom of the questioner's approach. The questioner is someone who knows how to ask for help. Among the people around him, the questioner can find his boyfriend, someone who can provide substantial help, as a target for help. Furthermore, the questioner is intentionally drawing on the other person's excellent learning and guidance abilities, which proves that the questioner's thinking is not as confused as he claims.

We will now proceed to determine the best course of action.

Firstly, we must establish the facts. The questioner has stated his intention to take the postgraduate entrance exam. What is the questioner's knowledge on this matter?

In fact, I believe the situation is quite clear.

Given that the questioner has indicated that they are already trying hard, have found someone to help them, and have summed up the key problems as "unsatisfactory knowledge base" and "poor memory," I believe that this is a choice that the questioner themselves recognize and want to work towards, and that the questioner should already have a more specific professional direction.

Based on this information, let's examine some details. The questioner stated that they made the plan with their boyfriend's company and that they asked "some really silly questions." Could I assume that the boyfriend was the primary decision-maker when making the plan?

From the description of "I wanted to study for a postgraduate degree in the same subject," it is evident that there is a discrepancy in academic ability between the questioner and her boyfriend. Despite being classmates, one individual succeeded in passing the exam, while the other did not achieve the same level of success. This discrepancy has led to a situation where what may be "just a few basic questions" for one individual are perceived as "many difficult questions" by the other. The plan formulated to guide the individual towards the ultimate goal is inappropriate. Just as there are no "stupid questions" in the world, there is only a difference between those who have mastered something and those who have not. The questioner should not use her boyfriend's standards to influence her actions.

I recommend that the questioner create a plan that aligns with their personal expectations. The boyfriend may suggest a daily quota of 100 questions, which is already a relatively low target. I previously completed 200 questions per day.

In this case, it would be advisable to decline the proposal and explain that it does not align with your personal capabilities. It is also important to clarify that you should not be constrained by external standards. Additionally, it would be beneficial for the questioner to reframe their approach to goal-setting. While many individuals focus on the quantity of exercises they perform, it is crucial to emphasise the importance of quality.

As an alternative, the questioner could allocate two hours to learning mathematics, with the objective of comprehending all the material.

Next, let's revisit the title and examine the primary question it raises. One of the key points is "living up to expectations of oneself and others."

I would like to request that the questioner consider the rationale behind the deliberate mention of expectations pertaining to "others."

From the information provided, it is evident that the questioner is highly sensitive to the opinions of others. Whether in the workplace or in the context of personal relationships, the questioner displays a tendency to internalize external feedback. This trait may have originated from familial influences or external factors, and it is beyond the scope of this discussion to explore its origins in depth.

However, it cannot be entirely disregarded, as this question is related to the driving force of the questioner as they pursue their objective.

The questioner may wish to consider the following: if the people around you disapprove of your decision to take the postgraduate entrance exam, will you waver in your commitment to this decision? To what extent will you waver? Will you simply think that your decision was wrong and reject it completely?

If this is the case, it is evident that the questioner has linked this objective to another individual. Currently, the motivation driving you forward is "external drive," which, in simple terms, does not originate from the heart. Conversely, if your response is "what matters is that I work hard to achieve my goals," then your efforts will primarily rely on "internal drive," which stems from the heart and is an unwavering force.

My advice is to reduce the influence of this external factor and remind yourself of your decision to act in accordance with your own values and work ethic. This will reinforce your resolve and facilitate progress.

In conclusion, I would like to encourage you to be more confident and to discover your own strengths.

While I acknowledged the questioner's self-awareness, it is noteworthy that their self-perception appears to be negative and passive. Individuals who are proactive in pursuing change and possess the ability to think critically should not dwell on their shortcomings to the extent that it hinders their personal growth.

It is important to remember that those who do not want to disappoint expectations should be kind, those who want to find a goal should be positive, and those who can see themselves clearly should have a delicate heart.

Identify your strengths and use them to drive your forward progress.

The above represents my personal opinion and is provided for your reference only. I hope it proves helpful to you.

1. Clear positioning. It's important to set expectations that are in line with your own level. This will help you to avoid any pain and focus on the positive.

So, what is your actual level? What skills do you have? What are your strengths and weaknesses? Think about it. What can be achieved through hard work? What is possible through hard work? And what is something to avoid?

You've got to get your bearings and figure out where you're headed next. If you force yourself to run on an unsuitable track, you'll just end up hurting yourself.

2. Adjust your mindset at work. For the troubles at work, perhaps you think that it is a small company, so you don't want to be bothered.

At the same time, it's time to embrace the reality of the working world and leave behind the naivety and arrogance of student days. It's natural to have high expectations when starting out, but it's important to remember that working for a small company has its own unique set of challenges. By embracing these challenges, you'll gain valuable experience and grow in ways you never imagined!

Fresh graduates inevitably lack the work process and skills, so you get to face it head on! Do you mean to say that these problems don't exist in other jobs?

It will always exist, but that's okay! How can you make this experience promote your own growth and avoid becoming bored? You can do it by making a few simple adjustments.

3. Adjust your attitude towards learning. It is not difficult to take the postgraduate entrance exam, especially as the number of students admitted to postgraduate programs increases every year.

The postgraduate entrance exam is no longer a rigid necessity after university. In fact, it's a great opportunity to explore your options and find the perfect fit! Some people want to fulfill their dream of attending a prestigious university, while others use their degree to seek a better position or company.

Some people find that they have missed the job market after graduating from postgraduate studies. This is a great opportunity for you to decide what you want to do next and make a decision based on your own clear positioning!

When we first enter society, we always feel that the life we face should be wonderful and broad. And it is! But the reality is that we overestimate ourselves. So, who can adjust faster will be able to better adapt to the requirements of reality—and that's something to get excited about!