How to quickly recognize one's feelings and needs and enhance consistent expression?

It's a big step just to recognize your emotions and needs. Don't be too hard on yourself if you didn't recognize it right away. Everyone has their own emotional response patterns, and that's totally normal.

It can be tough to recognize your own patterns and want to change them.

It takes time and effort to change your emotional response patterns. You can try some methods to help yourself:

1. Learn some emotional management techniques. These can include deep breathing, meditation, and journaling. These techniques can help you become more aware of your emotions and calm down when you are emotional.

2. Practice consistent expression: This is a great way to communicate your feelings and needs while also considering the other person's feelings and needs. You can learn some consistent expression techniques, such as using "I-language" instead of "you-language" and expressing your feelings and needs instead of blaming the other person.

3. Get some professional help: If you're struggling to change your emotional response patterns, you can always seek professional help. A professional counselor can help you analyze your patterns and provide effective methods to help you change them.

Above all, give yourself some time and patience. Believe that you can change your emotional response patterns and become a better communicator.

Hello, question asker! I can totally empathize with the state you describe, having felt something similar myself. And even now, I'm still working on it!

It's totally normal to feel a little angry with yourself and a little helpless in this state.

It's totally normal to take a few hours or even a couple of days to become more aware of what's going on. The good news is that you're already making progress!

I'm so proud of you for making this huge leap! It's so easy to get lost in our emotions and just go with the flow. Emotions are powerful, and we've all got these automatic responses that we've picked up along the way. But you've already taken that middle step that you might have skipped before, and that's a huge win!

The questioner is aware of their anger and the violence it brings up. They can also feel what they are defending against. This part can also be observed more.

The original poster also said that they know that they can't express themselves in time because they're afraid. They're afraid that they won't express themselves properly, and they're also afraid that expressing themselves might make things worse.

Then, when the matter has passed for a day or two, if that matter were to express itself again now, would you be able to clearly express your feelings? Would that part of you that is afraid also benefit from understanding more about itself?

It seems like you're having a bit of trouble accepting that you can't express your emotions in time. I can see that you're doing a great job of reflecting on your own thoughts, and you're also really motivated to make a change.

It's totally okay to give yourself more time. You might have been unaware before, but now you're more aware, and in the future you'll be fully aware. When you sense an uncomfortable emotion, give yourself a 15-second pause and respond more slowly.

One day, you might find that your temper has changed, and you'll be like, "Oh, hey, that's new!"

Warmest regards!

Dear Sir/Madam, I hope my answer proves useful to you.

It is important to note that there is a significant difference between being able to perceive and actually being able to do something. The process of developing this ability is gradual, progressing from a lack of awareness and understanding to being able to recognize and address issues after they have occurred, to being able to recognize and address issues in the present, and even to being able to anticipate and prevent issues before they arise. The transition from being unaware to being aware after the event represents a significant improvement, as it demonstrates a shift from a lack of awareness to a level of awareness that can facilitate growth and healing.

I would like to offer you the following advice:

It is important to recognize your progress, allow yourself time to grow, and accept that you are not yet at your desired level of expertise.

Awareness of one's emotions, feelings, and needs represents a significant advance. Many individuals lack this ability. They repeat patterns without understanding the source of their anger. You, however, have identified the cause of your emotions, which marks a major stride forward and the beginning of healing.

However, personal growth is a lengthy process. In my own experience, it took approximately five years from the time I identified my emotional reaction patterns and unmet internal needs to the present, when I can generally express myself sincerely and consistently in most relationships. Given that this process requires consistent practice, it is crucial to accept that temporary setbacks are normal and to allow for the possibility of reverting to old patterns. Just as it takes more than one day to freeze three feet of snow, our changes also need to be gradual.

As long as we continue to develop and refine our skills, we will see incremental improvements and gradually replace outdated approaches with more effective ones.

2. It would be advisable to initially practise consistent expression and communication in some safe relationships, before gradually extending this to other relationships.

If there are certain relationships that are likely to provoke anger and a sense of disrespected and misunderstood, it will be challenging to achieve consistent communication and expression from the outset. It may be helpful to initially focus on relationships that are less emotionally charged, such as counseling or supportive groups. Communicating with individuals who understand and respect you can also be beneficial. When you can express yourself consistently and without resorting to anger or violence, you can gain respect and understanding. Over time, you will develop a new communication style that will naturally transfer to other relationships.

3. It is challenging to be aware of an emotion when it is occurring. It is acceptable to experience emotions and then reflect on them at a later time. Once needs and feelings have been identified, expressing them in some way is an effective method.

When our inner needs are not met and our emotions are triggered, the emotional brain is dominant and the rational brain is offline, making it impossible to be aware of it. The reason why one cannot be aware of their emotions and needs until a few hours or two days after the event is because at that time, emotions have subsided with the effect of time, allowing the rational brain to take over and return one's ability to be aware.

It is not possible to be aware when you are emotional, as this is not a supported physiological state.

It is important to recognize that it is not possible to address these issues in a rational manner. It is necessary to allow oneself to experience the emotions involved, which is a normal part of the process. Once a sense of rationality returns, it is possible to engage in introspection. The purpose of this introspection is to identify the psychological needs that are not being met and to determine what actions can be taken to address them. In this case, it has been identified that a need for respect and understanding exists. It is possible to satisfy this need in a reasonable manner. It is essential to address these psychological needs in order to achieve a sense of emotional stability and well-being. In fact, it is more beneficial to focus on addressing these needs within oneself than to seek external solutions.

The reason you desire understanding and respect from others is because you lack sufficient self-respect and understanding. Therefore, you should focus on increasing your self-respect and understanding. You can do so by completing the exercises on our platform, which will help you develop a more positive self-image. Once you have a more positive self-image, you will find that you no longer need to seek external validation from others.

The aforementioned methods are designed to address the underlying issue. There are alternative approaches to expressing feelings and needs. One such method is non-violent communication, which can be employed in a calm state, without judgment or blame, to facilitate communication with the other party. This allows for the expression of feelings, needs, and specific requests, as well as active listening to the other party's feelings, needs, and requests. This process can foster positive relationship development.

I suggest you read the following books on communication: Nonviolent Communication, Crucial Conversations, and The Art of Communication.

I hope this information is useful to you. Best regards,

Hello, I'm listening.

I can feel your lack of awareness and the negative emotions that you were unable to express. I hug you.

Focus on the good things too.

You think bad intentions aren't being discovered and expressed in time, but you don't see the good side. You've already felt your bad emotions and the desire to express them. This is a good start. Why can't you accept it?

Haste makes waste.

You can't accept that you can't express yourself quickly. This takes practice. You can't accept that if you take your time, it will go away.

Don't let time pass you by. Practice takes time.

It takes time because neurons grow.

Be kind to yourself.

To let go of our emotions, we must be kind and loving to ourselves.

Think about it. We can let go of our emotions and love and treat ourselves better.

I'm listening. Treat yourself better.

Good morning,

You have provided a detailed account of your emotional experiences, from their initial onset to their outward expression and subsequent reflection. You have identified the patterns that impede your ability to perceive and express your feelings and needs in a timely manner.

I believe this is a concept that is relatively straightforward to articulate but challenging to implement.

The method is straightforward. In your daily life, bring your attention back to yourself more often, pay attention to your body and your inner feelings, settle more and more in your body and your heart, and delve deeper and deeper into your inner self.

This process will enhance your awareness of yourself, allowing you to perceive even the slightest fluctuations in your inner world. You will gradually progress from a recovery time of two or three days to one or two days, then to half a day, and eventually to a few hours or minutes.

This clarity will provide the sense of power that comes from being aware in the moment, rather than merely aware after the fact.

Clarity enables individuals to express themselves naturally and effectively. When you are clear, your expression is clean, direct, and powerful.

The ability to express oneself clearly and appropriately is contingent upon clarity of perception. Therefore, the key to success is to focus on one thing:

It is important to pay close attention to your body and feelings in everyday life, to understand them, and to develop a friendly relationship with them.

This is not a straightforward process. The reason is what is commonly referred to as inertia.

When we experience emotions, we encounter a deep-seated inertia. We either suppress our feelings or express them in an aggressive manner. There is a lack of guidance on how to navigate our emotions and feelings, including recognizing, understanding, and allowing ourselves to feel.

During our formative years, we were taught to suppress our emotions. Our parents were often impatient and used various arguments to discourage us from expressing our feelings. As a result, many of us have developed a tendency to judge and deny our own needs and feelings, avoiding and suppressing them.

As a result, we have become detached from our inner feelings, and we are hesitant to acknowledge and understand them. When various feelings arise, we experience distress and feel uncertain about how to respond. We tend to either suppress them or allow them to manifest in an uncontrolled manner.

It appears that there is no alternative course of action.

It is challenging to suddenly become aware of, understand, and listen closely to our feelings. This can cause discomfort and fear. Additionally, inertia can occur rapidly, making it difficult to defend against.

It is likely that you will be thrown back to your original state on numerous occasions, which may cause frustration. Therefore, it requires significant willpower and determination to be willing to be aware of your feelings, to be willing to break through your inertia, and to keep moving forward.

It is a decision that requires courage.

In conclusion, I would like to reiterate that you already possess a high level of self-awareness. As you embark on your journey of self-discovery and break free from inertia, I encourage you to extend a great deal of patience and understanding to yourself. Allow yourself to be imperfect, allow yourself to falter, allow yourself to feel restless, and in those imperfect moments, choose to accept yourself and choose to calm down and understand your feelings.

Do not rush; proceed at a slow and steady pace in the desired direction. Do not evaluate your emotions or inertia; maintain a neutral stance to comprehend and observe, accept all your feelings, and also accept the numerous instances when you are swept away by your feelings and become constrained by inertia. With acceptance as the foundation, remain aware and make new decisions. This is the key to disengagement.

I hope this information is useful to you. I am Xu Yanlian, a listening coach. Please feel free to contact me if you have any further questions.

Best regards,

Dear Sir/Madam, I am pleased to have this opportunity to respond to your query and hope that my input will be of assistance.

From your description, I can discern a number of emotions, including resentment, loneliness, anger, regret, worry, and impatience.

These needs can be summarized as follows: "I long to be understood," "I long to be respected," "I long to be accepted," "I long to be listened to," "I long to express myself," "I long for efficiency," and so on.

When we are in a negative emotional state, it can be challenging to identify and prioritize our feelings and needs. This can lead to a sense of confusion and difficulty in making decisions. How can we effectively navigate these challenges?

We can close our eyes, take a deep breath, locate the hairball, remove it, and examine it. What are the feelings? At this time, we can remind ourselves that taking the time to do things slowly is actually faster in the long run.

If you are experiencing difficulty in articulating these feelings, you may wish to prepare a few words that resonate with you in advance. Alternatively, you can use emoticons, which combine words and emotions, to help you express yourself.

It is important to note that feelings often have a complex nature. There is no need to rush and become aware of everything at once. Instead, it is sufficient to consider a few of them.

The underlying needs driving these feelings are:

When we are accustomed to suppressing our emotions, it can result in physical tension, making it challenging to discern our feelings. By slowing down and allowing our bodies to relax, we create an environment where these feelings can be more readily identified.

The questioner indicated that they were able to discern this after a few hours or two days, which is a commendable achievement.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to take a brief respite during this period. This could be an opportunity to inform the other party that it would be preferable to postpone further discussion on the matter until a later date, or to arrange to communicate at a more convenient time.

From a risk management perspective, it is important to avoid any further damage.

It is important to consider your needs and ensure that you are able to express yourself fully.

This will facilitate the growth of the relationship between the two parties and ensure a smooth progression of events.

Furthermore, the questioner can identify the cycle pattern when they are calm to adjust and enter a new cycle to prevent emotional triggers. For example,

The event in question is a failure to express myself in a timely manner.

Regret is the initial emotion experienced.

Thought 1: "I am unable to complete the task," "I am inept," "Why am I so slow?"

I am now feeling calm and content.

I am now feeling calm and content.

Idea 2: "I allow myself to proceed at a measured pace." "Errors provide valuable opportunities for growth and improvement."

Behavior 2: Anticipate and prepare a list of positive and negative emotions, as well as a set of desired outcomes. As soon as an event occurs, review the list and assess the situation.

There will be different cycles, the third and the fourth. Which one should we adopt and implement in our business? The decision is ours.

With consistent practice and repetition, our initial responses will increasingly align with the desired outcome, including the satisfaction of our own needs, effective communication, and the fostering of healthy relationships.

Do not allow for change; it will occur regardless.

If things do not turn out as planned, there is no need to be concerned. It is important to remember that there is still time to adjust and find a solution.

That is all I wish to convey at this time. Best regards, The world and I appreciate your attention.

It is beneficial to be aware of your feelings and needs in order to develop psychological competence and self-awareness. You may find the following strategies helpful:

1. Consider practicing meditation and mindfulness. These practices can help you develop awareness of your inner feelings. By meditating regularly and focusing on your current physical sensations and emotional states, you may find it easier to understand your feelings and needs.

2. Self-reflection and journaling: It can be helpful to take time to reflect on your feelings and experiences and record them in a journal or by writing. This can help you gain a deeper understanding of your emotions and needs and provide a space to express and process these feelings.

3. It may be helpful to look for clues to your emotional and physical feelings. You might consider practicing paying attention to your body's reactions and emotional changes. It could also be beneficial to pay attention to physical sensations such as tension, an accelerated heartbeat, or changes in breathing, as well as emotional feelings such as anger, anxiety, or sadness.

These clues may be helpful in better understanding your feelings and needs.

4. Consider experimenting with emotional vocabulary: You may find it helpful to learn and use emotional vocabulary to describe your feelings. This could assist you in expressing yourself more accurately and sharing your feelings and needs with others.

For instance, you might consider using words like "I feel frustrated" and "I need some space" to express your feelings and needs.

5. Seek feedback and support: It can be helpful to seek feedback and support from others in order to gain a deeper understanding of your feelings and needs. Talking to trusted friends, family members, or professionals and listening to their views and suggestions can provide new perspectives and understanding.

6. Consider cultivating self-care. It may be helpful to pay attention to your needs and desires, and to allow yourself enough time and space to meet those needs. You might find it beneficial to learn to set healthy boundaries, to learn to say "no," and to protect your feelings and needs.

It is important to remember that developing a consistent practice of awareness of your feelings and needs is a gradual process that requires time and patience. By dedicating yourself to paying attention to your feelings and needs, you will gradually be able to connect better with yourself and express and meet your needs more effectively.