How to resolve such a narrow-minded and envious mindset?

Dear Sir/Madam, I would like to commend you for your courage in openly sharing your negative thoughts and actions. It is evident that you possess a strong determination to improve yourself. Best regards, [Your name]

It is important to recognize that we all experience envy, competitiveness, and vanity to some extent. These emotions are normal and can arise in response to certain situations. However, it seems that you are also self-critical about having these negative emotions.

How can this issue be resolved? Initially, it is important to note that it is not productive to immediately dismiss negative thoughts.

Please identify the factors that contribute to your feelings of jealousy. What comparisons are you making? It is important to take a moment to reflect on these issues.

Once the emotion has dissipated, I will re-examine my feelings and acknowledge that I am envious of her and comparing her to myself.

Please describe the effects of these emotions on your self-perception. In which areas do you feel less capable or inadequate, and how do you respond to this? Is your attitude one of rejection, denial, or acceptance?

What emotions arise when you reject and deny yourself? Do you feel that you are not up to the task, that you are not as capable as the person you are envious of or comparing yourself to, or that she is simply not comparable to you?

How can you cease comparing yourself to others and envy them, and first accept the aspects of yourself that are inferior and weak? Accept that on occasion you are the stronger one, and on other occasions you are simply more proficient than the other person.

Questioner

Hello ( ^_^)/, I am honored to meet you on the Yixinli platform.

Encounter is fate. I have carefully read your words, and I am pleased to see that you have the ability to perceive your own narrow-mindedness and jealous mental activity.

Awareness is the first step towards change.

You're here on this online platform because you're aware of the harm jealousy causes. So, what can you do to solve it?

Avoid comparisons.

Start by understanding the harm of jealousy. Think about the negative effects it can have on you. It can cause your friendships to disappear, because jealousy makes you feel miserable. It can change your beautiful appearance and make you ugly. The harm of jealousy will make you pay attention to your own mental health and give up comparing.

Stop judging yourself harshly.

Jealousy comes from looking at yourself in the wrong way. What are your criteria for judging yourself? Appearance? Financial strength? Achievements?

Do you focus too much on your flaws, or do you exaggerate them? People who dwell on their flaws envy others' strengths and ignore their own. Focus on your strengths, stop comparing, and find your value. Find your value according to your interests and specialties. I found mine in my helpful nature. I'm happy helping others and relieving their negative emotions.

Rediscover excellence and redefine it.

Everyone has a different definition of excellence. It's as simple as that. In fact, there are as many definitions of excellence as there are people in the world.

Let me be clear: excellence is about being outstanding in a certain area.

You can think of any number of things that you believe make you good. It could be your academic performance, your looks, your family background, your height, your intelligence, your possessions, or your wealth.

Your outstanding character can be defined by your sense of justice, kindness, willingness to help others, hardworking and motivated nature, and respect for the elderly and children.

Being good is about more than just material things. It's about inner qualities too.

In my opinion, excellence is not innate. It is acquired, even through hard work.

Turn jealousy into motivation.

When you are jealous of others who are doing better than you, and when you are jealous of others who are surpassing you, think about the other person's strengths. You can work towards what you want, you can make progress in competition with others, and you can agree with the other person on the "content of the competition." Turn your energy into motivation and make yourself better. You will soon become the target of others, and you will also be satisfied with your achievements.

Overcome selfishness and strengthen your self-cultivation.

Jealousy is a concrete manifestation of the inflated position of "I" in a person's psychological structure. You are always afraid that others are better than you and will do you harm.

To eradicate jealousy, you must first eradicate the "nutrient base" of this mentality: selfishness. Only by getting rid of selfish thoughts and broadening your mind can you correctly view others and accept yourself.

Strengthening one's character means enriching one's inner self and making oneself strong.

Spend your free time reading some philosophy and psychology books to understand yourself and the material world.

For example, "The Fountainhead," "The Story of the Mountain Moon," "The Shawshank Redemption," "What I Talk About When I Talk About Running," "Compassion," "Jealousy: An Unspeakable Secret," "Existence and Time," and "Philosophy and Life" expand one's horizons and broaden one's mind. Choose the one that's right for you!

The above is my personal interpretation. I am certain that the words I have written will inspire you.

You will get over your jealousy soon and walk towards the sunshine.

I am your monarchess, your partner who has grown up with you, healing you, me, and him.

Good afternoon!

I just wanted to say that I think you're doing a great job! I admire your self-reflection and self-examination, and I think it's really commendable that you're seeking help from others when you encounter problems.

Based on what you said, I'd love to give you some advice that I hope will be helpful!

Let's start with jealousy.

It's totally normal to feel jealous or envious sometimes. We all do! Even the most capable person will envy others and feel jealous at times. This is a part of our lives that we cannot get rid of.

In that case, we just need to learn to accept our jealousy and understand the problem correctly.

For example, as you mentioned in your statement, your friend is better than you in one aspect, and I can imagine you might feel a little jealous of that.

How can we help ourselves feel less upset and more balanced when we come across these things?

First, take a step back and look at your friend's strengths from an outsider's perspective. If they're the result of factors like family background and genetics that you can't change, it's important to accept them. After all, not everyone can achieve what they're good at.

We must learn to accept the good in others, and we should be proud of ourselves for having such good taste in making such an excellent friend. It's something to be proud of!

Secondly, if she's achieved her excellence through hard work, why not try to do the same? If you can't, that's okay! Take a moment to think about why others can be so excellent and then think about why you can't. This can help you to grow and develop in a way that's right for you.

It's so important to remember that it's not helpful to blame others for our problems. We need to take good care of ourselves!

Third, if you're the only one who thinks he's excellent, it might mean you're being a little too protective and you'd like to keep him all to yourself. But that's not necessary, is it?

We all have to face it: there are many people who are better than us. It's not easy being in this world, so why add unnecessary troubles to ourselves? Everyone has their own good points and their own fans.

Fourth, don't just envy others' excellence. You have it too, and she might secretly envy you in some ways too!

Secondly, let's talk about their inner world.

It's not that jealousy is innate. It's more that it's usually related to our living environment and our families.

Some people have many children at home, and it's only natural that there'll be competition for attention. This can lead to feelings of jealousy from an early age. My original family situation was like this, and I've found that to change it, I need to spend a lot of time and energy to adjust and comfort myself.

Some folks face unequal treatment at work. It can be tough to know how to handle it, especially when there's no one there to help. Over time, this can lead to more dissatisfaction and sensitivity.

In short, we just need to give ourselves a little more love and support. We can't let ourselves get too overwhelmed or influenced by other people's issues.

If you know that all external things help us grow, and that we must learn to make the most of our relationships, and that if you can master someone who is better than you in some way, you are a strong person!

So, give yourself some time to let your mind wander and do some quieter projects that can calm your mind. For example, yoga, meditation, reading, painting, and other projects you like.

I hope you can soon escape from the troubles of everyday life, remember to smile and be happy, and let the bad things just become a distant memory!

Hi there! I'm happy you've reached out for help. I hope my input can provide some support and assistance.

I also want to commend you for recognizing the jealousy you feel when you see your friends' many good qualities. Being aware is the first step towards change.

Everyone feels some level of jealousy, because we all want to be the more popular and better person in a relationship. We want to be accepted, recognized, needed, appreciated, respected, encouraged, and welcomed. So, allow and accept the jealousy you feel when you see your friends, who are similar to you in every way, showing off their better qualities than yours. This is the desire to have the same or even more outstanding qualities than they do, so you don't feel alienated and disliked because you are not good enough.

So, jealousy comes from an inner inferiority complex, a lack of self-acceptance and self-confidence. If they don't think they're good enough, they compare themselves to others to prove they're better. Plus, jealousy only happens when you're not as good as others in every way. Even if others were worse off than you in your family or circle of friends, you won't feel jealous if you're better off in every way.

This also shows that a little bit of jealousy is actually a natural, instinctive way for people to protect themselves. When our jealousy doesn't affect our normal lives, work, or studies, and doesn't harm others, it can actually help us become better versions of ourselves. What do you think?

This means accepting ourselves completely, inside and out. We have to be able to see our weaknesses and strengths, and appreciate all the good things we have going for us. We shouldn't compare ourselves to others, because everyone has different strengths and weaknesses.

We can only appreciate the parts of others that are superior to ours when we can accept ourselves. If we want to have these parts, we can learn from others with an open mind to improve, grow, and perfect ourselves. Respond to our jealousy with a positive perspective, attitude, and actions, and let our jealousy make us grow into a better version of ourselves.

I'm Lily, the little listener at the Q&A Pavilion. Thanks for being here, and I hope you have a great day!

Dear Question Asker, I am pleased to have the opportunity to respond to your inquiry.

When confronted with unattainable or envied qualities, it is natural to experience feelings of envy. If these emotions are more pronounced, they may manifest as jealousy. Therefore, if the questioner has identified feelings of admiration and envy in themselves and others, this is a normal phenomenon. It is important to note that not all friends of the questioner may exhibit these emotions.

The questioner may benefit from the following advice: "It is preferable to retreat and prepare a strategy than to remain idle and hope for favorable circumstances." Rather than envying others, it may be more beneficial to work diligently and allow others to envy one's achievements. It may be more advantageous to utilize the excellence of others as a motivating factor for one's own improvement.

First, we must define jealousy.

Jealousy is a complex emotion, defined as a combination of several simple emotions.

For example, anxiety is a complex emotion that is a combination of fear, guilt, pain, and anger. Similarly, jealousy is also a complex emotion that includes anger, disgust, contempt (which is one of the three emotions that make up hostility), resentment, guilt, and self-blame.

It is also important to note that some individuals may resort to self-protection mechanisms, which can manifest as a desire for the object of their envy to disappear or be destroyed. This may occur when they perceive that they do not possess something that another individual does, or when they feel that they are unable to attain a quality that they admire in another person. Consequently, it is understandable that the questioner may experience feelings of jealousy towards individuals who appear to possess superior qualities or achievements.

The answer to this question lies in the fact that everything these individuals possess is something the questioner desires but is unable to attain. Consequently, the question arises as to how one should deal with this form of emotional distress.

It is important to accept feelings of jealousy as a natural emotion.

Such an approach allows for the potential for learning from the emotion rather than allowing it to exert control. When presented with something that is desirable, and one's desire for it is unfulfilled, it is possible to experience a sense of jealousy. It is plausible that this emotion is not exclusive to a single individual, and that others may also experience it.

One may freely admit to experiencing a particular emotion, while simultaneously denying the associated behavior.

One must acknowledge the obvious facts, judgments, or emotions (denial seems too contrived, while attack seems too frivolous), add an additional item, and absolutely deny the tendency to act negatively. That is, one must acknowledge the obvious characteristics in accordance with the prevailing standards, add an additional item, and absolutely deny that one would take action.

For example, one might posit that "Who would not be envious of an individual as attractive as she? I would like to feel envious too, but she is so affable and magnanimous that I admire her greatly and cannot envy her."

It is important to be mindful of the discomfort that jealousy can cause.

This is an efficacious method for identifying jealousy. The earlier the identification is made, the more effectively the emotion can be redirected towards more benign sentiments.

Should one experience feelings of jealousy, it is advisable to consider the experiences this emotion may be associated with. As previously mentioned by the questioner in the text, feelings of pain and nausea are common symptoms. These physical discomforts serve as a reminder that feelings of jealousy often result in unfavourable experiences. It is therefore important to recognise that these emotions are not desirable and to seek ways to overcome them.

It would be beneficial to adopt a curious mindset and engage in reflection to ascertain the underlying basis of one's feelings of jealousy.

Consider how one might leverage this emotion to enhance life, work, and significant decision-making processes, rather than avoiding it. Be courageous in confronting your emotions and in identifying their underlying sources. What are the deeper expectations?

One might inquire as to the source of these emotions. What expectations, wishes, and opinions underlie them?

It is imperative to cultivate an attitude of gratitude at all times.

It is beneficial to express gratitude for any insight gained from feelings of jealousy, as well as for the individuals who evoke these feelings. These individuals may serve as sources of motivation, inspiring aspirations for a superior quality of life and higher education. Expressing gratitude to them for their role in providing an exemplary model is also recommended.

It is also important to cultivate the ability to distinguish between malignant and benign feelings of jealousy.

This ability can assist in the better management and regulation of one's response to feelings of jealousy, while also enabling the maintenance of one's fundamental principles and values. An individual who is adept at learning from the most effective sources will effectively transform feelings of jealousy into a source of motivation, and resentment into feelings of appreciation and acceptance. At this time, the aforementioned statements are accurate and truthful.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the individual who posed the initial query.

This is a great question!

The renowned British psychologist Melanie Klein conducted groundbreaking research into this emotional experience. Her seminal paper, "Envy and Gratitude," published in 1957, remains a pivotal contribution to the field.

In her essay, she definitively states that there are two important words: one is translated as envy, the other as jealousy.

Melanie Klein is clear that envy is one of the most primitive and fundamental emotions. It is a feeling of anger, namely the feeling of another person possessing and enjoying something that the person does not have and desires. The urge to envy is to take away what he wants or destroy it.

For example, "He's so rich, how can he drive such an expensive car? I hope he dies soon!" This person is jealous and wants that person's car. He wants to take credit for his success.

Jealousy is a contradictory emotion. On the one hand, the person is desperate to possess the good thing. On the other hand, they know it is something they cannot obtain. This causes the jealous person to show signs of destruction and belittlement.

Jealousy is an emotional experience that appears relatively late. It is based on an element of love and the desire to possess someone you love.

Jealousy occurs when the child recognizes that there are other people besides mum. It is based on a more or less complete object relationship.

The aim of jealousy is to possess, control, and dominate the object. He makes this clear with a simple yet assertive statement: "Mummy is mine, you can't touch him."

"Mommy, you can only love me, not other children."

Many literary works confuse envy with jealousy. In fact, the two emotions are so primitive and subtle that most people cannot perceive or distinguish between them.

Now, let's distinguish between the two.

(1) Envy is an emotion that occurs relatively early, while jealousy appears relatively late. There's no doubt about it: envy is a binary relationship, which is the earliest mother-infant relationship, and it is exclusive.

The subject is only related to one person.

Jealousy is a ternary relationship. When a baby develops the emotion of jealousy, it has already recognized someone other than the mother. Its aim is to compete for the object's love.

It can be related to many people.

(2) Envy essentially arises in the context of partial objects.

Jealousy is based on a relatively complete object relationship.

(3) Envy is greedy, destructive, and destructive.

Jealousy is rooted in the need for love.

Once we have completely differentiated between envy and jealousy, we can take a good look at our emotions. Both envy and jealousy are part of our nature. They are emotions that are inherent in human nature. We cannot eliminate these emotions. What we can do is coexist with them or subliminate them.

First, accept that envy and jealousy are part of human nature. They are inevitable, but they are also just thoughts. As long as we don't act on them, they are not destructive. There is no reason to be afraid of them.

We know that if we don't equate the inside with the outside, we won't act.

Second, we must increase our inner self-confidence. Self-confidence cannot be achieved through mere praise. It must be earned through hard work and practice. It must be gained through sufficient competence in practice. Therefore, we must work hard at our jobs or studies, fulfill our real-life responsibilities, and do what a mature adult needs to do.

Third, "comparison" is not a derogatory term. It should be a neutral term. Comparison will make us enter into a competitive relationship. Healthy competition will promote the development of society and has a positive meaning.

You must face your envy and fear of competition. Losing means being ridiculed, belittled, and destroyed. The advanced form of competition is cooperation. It transforms mutual hostility into mutual assistance, complementing each other's strengths and benefiting from each other's weaknesses. It transforms hostile relations into friendly relations.

You have already achieved this on the practical level. What is tormenting you now is a conflict on the inner psychological level: envy and jealousy. You can overcome this.

Psychological transformation may be slower, and it is not easy to understand, digest, and feel them. Give yourself time!

You will transform and sublimate!

It is possible to transform feelings of jealousy and admiration into one another. Furthermore, it is inaccurate to view jealousy as an inherently negative emotion. When an individual exhibits qualities that are exceptional, but that person is not someone with whom we have a close relationship, such as a celebrity, a wealthy person, or a Fortune 500 company,

In contrast, individuals who are not comparable can readily become the subjects of envy and admiration. It is challenging to be narrow-minded and envious of individuals whom we rarely encounter, as it is difficult to attain the same level of success as those who are frequently in the public eye.

It is possible that you may experience feelings of jealousy due to the proximity of those around you and the realization of the discrepancies between your circumstances and theirs. This can lead to feelings of resentment and a tendency to compare oneself to others in an attempt to gain possession of their resources.

The aspiration to surpass one's friends and gain a degree of superiority is understandable. It can be a source of pride to be at the pinnacle of one's social circle, surrounded by friends who are perceived as exemplary. However, it is important to recognise that everyone has their own strengths and that there is no need to feel envious of others.

Indeed, there is no necessity to be envious of others. Given that each individual possesses distinctive characteristics, it is illogical to experience discontent and create difficulties for oneself. Inevitably, there will always be someone who is more accomplished than oneself, and such discontent will inevitably result in significant distress.

Such comparisons result in constant struggle and a multitude of internal discomforts. Therefore, it is advisable to refrain from excessive comparison. Upon recognizing such tendencies, it is important to acknowledge that the act of comparison is, in itself, a form of comparison. It is essential to move beyond this cycle by accepting the achievements of others and focusing on one's own growth. Seeking guidance from a heart exploration coach can be a valuable step in developing a growth plan.

Please clarify the meaning of ZQ.