I always feel like I'm competing with my parents. Is it normal to feel competitive in family relationships?

Good morning, I am Yan Shiqi, and I am pleased to have this opportunity to respond to your question.

Competition is also likely to arise in family relationships, as illustrated by the example provided by the questioner. The nature of these relationships is largely determined by the personalities of the individuals involved.

I am acquainted with a woman who is both strong and capable. I am unsure if her characteristics are typical of those who are born under the sign of Virgo, but she does appear to have high expectations of those in her family.

For example, guidance may be provided on matters such as table etiquette, the appropriate distance for placing bowls and chopsticks, and the recommended portion sizes for various foods.

It is important to note that there are bound to be differences among members. Some individuals may possess gentle personalities and receive more criticism, while others may have firm personalities and receive less. Additionally, some people are gentle and do not prioritize social achievements, which may result in more belittling behavior.

Due to the unique circumstances of the era, she did not have the opportunity to attend school and has no formal qualifications. However, she is not one to give up. She has achieved a remarkable transformation from a peasant to a member of the middle class.

This approach may win the respect of family members, but it may also be used to suppress them. Excessive interference has not brought the desired results.

If the relationships within such a family are based on scheming, it is unlikely to be an optimal environment for competition, even if it is competition.

If we are discussing the environment that the questioner is referring to and evaluating the outcome, I believe the questioner should strive to be authentic and give their best effort. Additionally, to maintain a positive relationship with your parents, it is important to express gratitude for their role in your upbringing and acknowledge the contributions of your genes. This can help to ensure a mutually respectful and supportive dynamic.

This approach allows you to overcome this obstacle while also maintaining a positive relationship with your colleagues.

This is my response. I hope it proves useful to you.

Dear questioner,

I'm Kelly!

I happened to be reading a book about this the other day, and it was so interesting! It was about how you feel that your parents are "competing" with you. Let me talk to you about these confusions of yours.

✍️[About competing with parents]

Honey says:

"Man-to-man?‍♂️ relationships and woman-to-woman relationships, whether the focus of the competition is poise, talent, charm, or some other social value, greatly undermine any potentially established reliable friendships.

As Honey said, it hinders the relationship between men and women, which is something we can definitely work on!

The struggle for supremacy between the sexes is reflected in the family and also pervades the school. And it's so fascinating to see how children pick up on this "virus" from the very beginning, starting in the family!

For example, if you go to school, you will also find some fascinating phenomena with your classmates or other friends.

And there's also competition between you and your parents, which is essentially just another form of human competition.

The thrilling world of competition and the exhilarating rush of hostility, fear, loneliness, a sense of weakness, absurdity, alienation, and insecurity that come with it keep people in a state of constant tension and anxiety.

✍️ Reference book: "The Neurotic Personality of Our Time"

This also means that competition is everywhere, and you feel it. Perhaps the competition is between you and your parents for "parenting rights."

They want the rights of parents!

You want the right to have children!

So there are conflicts and contradictions, and there is this fascinating phenomenon of competition. This is also a problem that exists in countless families, so I won't expand on it here and discuss it with the original poster.

[Family life cycle]

Regarding what you said, that parents don't accept your growth and don't accept your strength, is it that you are too good? Parents really haven't realized that they also need to grow – and they can!

As you grow from a child to an adolescent, you'll find that your parents are still stuck in their old habits and ways of thinking. But you've already changed!

For example, teenagers are no longer babies or small children, but they have not yet become real adults. This is an exciting time! Their emotions are not yet mature, and parents also need to be prepared to let go, trust you, and allow you.

And the best part is, it's always there for you when you need it most! It's there to guide you and protect you when you need it the most.

Suggestion: You both need to communicate with each other, communicate, and express your thoughts so that your parents can understand you. And you can do it!

It's so important to set boundaries!

Children belong to themselves, and they should design their own present and future. It is foolish to mold your children in your own idealized image. As a father, you should especially maintain a childlike innocence. This is an amazing opportunity for you to embrace your inner child and help your children do the same!

—— Wang Zengqi

Absolutely! Just as you participate in the decision-making process in the family, your parents can grasp the right measure, and you can also slowly change, allowing your parents to adapt to your growth.

I highly recommend that you buy a few books for the family! I think you'll really enjoy "Nonviolent Communication" and "Mr. Toad Goes to the Psychologist." Why not put them at home to read with your parents?

[Be yourself]

Because of the parenting relationship, you always ignored your own feelings. At first, you suppressed yourself out of a sense of caring for your parents, and it became a habit that you took to other relationships. But you can change that! The questioner can focus on their personal growth. As long as you are willing, there are many such courses and psychological counseling at Yixin that can improve things. You can give it a try!

I have a piece of advice for you that I think you'll find really helpful!

You absolutely have to understand that the script of your life is not a sequel to your parents' lives, not a prequel to your children's lives, and not an external part of your friends' lives. — Friedrich Nietzsche

I'm Kelly, and I'm here to have fun!

The world and I love you!

After reading the original poster's comprehensive account, I discern that this phenomenon may also manifest in my own family, albeit to a lesser extent. I will now present my perspectives on this matter from various standpoints for your reference.

The family unit is a fundamental aspect of human society, yet it is important to recognize that each individual possesses intrinsic autonomy.

The notion that familial bonds facilitate the receipt of closer, more sincere care and support from others in society is a compelling one. This represents a benevolent aspect of familial love. However, it is also essential to recognise that each member of the family is an autonomous individual. Individuals who possess a comprehensive understanding of their humanity are independent beings. The family bond does not negate the necessity for personal independence, self-interest, and competitiveness. These traits are essential for individuals to navigate and thrive in society.

Individuals possess a capacity for empathy and compassion.

Indeed, when encountering a diverse range of individuals in society, one may experience a multitude of emotional responses. If we observe others in a challenging situation, we may not discount the possibility of experiencing schadenfreude. However, many individuals will still feel a sense of sympathy and compassion. This phenomenon is evident even within the context of family relationships. When one member of the family achieves significant success or accumulates wealth, they may experience a sense of guilt towards their immediate family members. They may perceive this as a threat to the self-esteem of their loved ones or feel a sense of guilt for not sharing the benefits they have gained with their family. However, if the extent of this guilt is within a reasonable range, it can be viewed as a positive aspect of human nature.

Envy is a common human emotion.

It is evident that jealousy is a prevalent emotion in human society. This phenomenon manifests in various forms, including envy of another's material wealth, success, or fame. In familial relationships, the bond of kinship, which is often characterized by mutual support and interdependence, can give rise to instances of jealousy. Parents, in particular, may experience feelings of envy towards their children, particularly when they perceive their own physical appearance to be changing due to the natural aging process. This can stem from a deeper underlying fear or doubt about the value and sense of achievement they have attained in life. Additionally, children who are still in the process of developing and have not yet achieved significant social recognition may also exhibit feelings of envy towards their parents. This is often driven by a desire for external validation and a discrepancy between their own psychological age and their parents' level of excellence. In summary, the phenomenon of jealousy is pervasive in human society, manifesting in various forms and influencing relationships across generations.

In conclusion, it can be argued that both compassion and competition are normal and reasonable to a certain extent. As long as they do not result in excessive moral burdens or vicious competition, family members are still able to support each other due to the strength of the blood tie. Despite the cyclical nature of life and the apparent meaninglessness of it all, as well as the occasional indifference in family relationships, these factors can be seen as contributing to the challenges faced by modern individuals in their primary families and attitudes towards marriage and childbirth. These issues have also been experienced by the author, but upon reflection, it can be seen that there is no reason to treat other members of society as if they were superior to family members. This may be because they are in close proximity on a daily basis, and the complete image of the other person, with all their positive and negative traits, is readily apparent. In contrast, others are unable to present their true selves at all times. This may be the reason why some individuals feel that distance creates beauty.

That's a great question!

The questioner demonstrates remarkable awareness of his emotions and actions towards his parents. He has described the phenomenon of his relationship with his parents at a deep level and proposed that there is a competitive relationship between children and parents, where competition drives the emotional changes of parents and themselves. This is a profound level of awareness, and I commend the questioner for sharing it.

I want to know if it's normal to feel a sense of competition in family relationships. It seems that as long as I am a little better than my parents, they are not very happy. There is a sense of wanting to compete back. I want to ask if this kind of parent has an internal deficiency.

This is perfectly normal. From a psychoanalytic perspective, this kind of competition is the Oedipus conflict. The Oedipus conflict manifests in an individual's desire to succeed and the fear of punishment after success.

Sigmund Freud used the ancient Greek myth of Oedipus, who was punished by being blinded for killing his father and marrying his mother, to describe the common fate of mankind. There is no doubt that after a child is born, it is inseparable from its mother in a symbiotic relationship. However, it is equally clear that as the child grows up, it will soon realize that it and its mother are two different people, and the relationship between the child and its mother will become a dyadic relationship.

The child will feel that the mother only loves herself and no one else. This is not the case. There is also a father. The child will be caught up in the competition of the triangular relationship.

Freud identified the Oedipus conflict, which occurs between the ages of 3 and 6, as a struggle between a child's desire to defeat their father and mother and their fear of punishment for succeeding. This conflict is used to describe all struggles related to the desire for success and the fear of success. Many people consciously restrain their success because symbolically, a child's success in killing their father to win their mother is too great. This would result in the child being gouged out of their eyes.

The Oedipus phase affects a child's personality. Children who successfully complete it know they are not the center of the world, can withstand their parents' intimacy, accept the triangular relationship with their parents, and perceive the psychological boundaries of everyone, especially themselves.

They can trust that they are worthy of love, express their wishes, have ambitions, and succeed.

It is therefore crucial for parents to understand how they raise and treat their children. If a parent's own Oedipus complex did not develop well, it can become a complex and a part of their personality will be stuck in this conflict. They cannot tolerate the child in the triangular relationship being closer to them than to the other person, and will develop jealousy towards the child, as well as fear that the child will be more successful than them and abandon them.

Such conflicts occur at the subconscious level and are usually not consciously perceived. They manifest as emotional or behavioral issues and are experienced as other conflicts or feelings. For example, if you have a successful performance, your parents may react with an emotional response of unhappiness, which may be experienced by them as protecting you from harm. They will unconsciously hinder your desire and actions to explore the world more, after all, exploration is a risk.

✍️This is why children feel they should hide their talents when they are young. They are afraid of hurting their parents, so they subconsciously try to make them happy by being less good than they can be. But when they are told they are stupid, they will try their best to prove them wrong.

It is a common fear among parents that their children will grow up and become independent. This is because when children become independent, they have the strength to move away from their parents. This can be seen as a betrayal and abandonment of the parents, both symbolically and in reality. The love parents have for their children is for them to stay together, but the love parents have for their children is for them to grow up and become independent.

However, parents who did not develop well during the Oedipus period cannot bear the pain of separation. This causes their subconscious attitude towards their children to be conflicted, which is also expressed in their treatment of their children. On the one hand, they expect and demand that their children strive to grow up and become independent. On the other hand, they unconsciously prevent their children from growing up and becoming independent.

These conflicting messages will hinder the child's development of self-identity during adolescence and adulthood.

For example, parents who criticize their children for being incompetent, not meeting their expectations, or being unable to succeed, or who do not allow their children to make mistakes, make choices, and decisions for them are sending a subconscious message to their children that they cannot succeed without them. This message is essentially saying, "You can't do it without us showing you the way and protecting you. You have to rely on us to keep you safe." It's as if the parents are saying, "You want to leave us?"

Absolutely not! If a child succeeds, the parents will give them a hard time, turning the child's experience of success into fear or negativity.

This means that a person's future success is largely dependent on how their parents treat them. When children are constantly told that they can't succeed or that they are not allowed to, they will doubt themselves and believe that they cannot be more successful.

A child with such self-expectations will naturally avoid trying and achieving greater success.

As I write this, I hug the questioner with all my heart. You are cautious and afraid to express your wishes and show your true colors because your parents have not given you appropriate responses and treatment in this regard.

A child's growth inevitably means betrayal and abandonment of their parents. Parents who can withstand such betrayal and abandonment are strong inside, have a complete self, and have a lot of true love for their children! We all hope to have such parents, and our parents must also hope that they themselves have such parents!

The world and I love you!

Good day. I extend my sincerest regards to you in the form of a 360-degree hug.

From your question, it is evident that competition is a normal aspect of family relationships. Many individuals may perceive sibling competition as intense, however, it is important to recognize that we also engage in competition with our parents.

In a specific ethnic group in Mexico, it is customary for a boy to engage in a competitive encounter with his father before he leaves home. This ritualized competition serves to acknowledge the boy's transition into adulthood.

Similar traditions can be found in many ethnic groups. For example, the coming-of-age ceremonies of some tribes, where the boys must defeat their fathers or other strong men, are full of ritualized competition and symbolize adulthood and responsibility.

For example, in ancient Greek mythology, there are numerous legends of parricide, as well as the Oedipus complex, in which boys compete with their fathers for their mothers' love, and girls compete with their mothers for their fathers' love. The idiom "girls are their fathers' former lovers" is still in use, and the meaning behind this is self-evident.

In your question, you state that you feel like you're competing with your parents, which is a common sentiment. As the old saying goes, the green is born from the blue, but surpasses it. It is also natural to encourage younger generations to compete with their elders. If each generation is perceived as inferior to the one before, our human society would not be able to progress.

However, you also indicated that as long as you are slightly more successful than your parents, they appear dissatisfied and seem to be striving to compete with you. I observed that your wording suggests a desire on their part.

To rephrase, this is your perception, and it may not align with the parents' intentions.

I am unaware of whether you have discussed this with your parents directly or if this is simply your own perception.

If this is merely your own perception, it is likely that your subsequent statements, namely that you wish to make your parents happy subconsciously, reflect this. This is also a very normal psychological state.

Many people believe that surpassing one's parents is tantamount to betrayal. Consequently, they often choose to remain mediocre in order to demonstrate their approval and filial piety towards their parents.

It is evident that you have conflicting sentiments regarding your parents. You aspire to surpass them, yet simultaneously, you are concerned that doing so may be perceived as disloyal. The origin of these sentiments is unclear. When viewed in conjunction with your assertion that you are reluctant to express your genuine thoughts to others, it appears that your upbringing may have involved a degree of suppression.

Naturally, it is up to you to determine the specific reason.

I am unaware of your age, but it is possible that you are at a crossroads in your life, such as leaving home to attend university or graduating and entering the workforce. These life stages often entail a transition away from the parental home and the original family unit.

Is it possible that you are reluctant to pursue your own path and therefore hesitant to demonstrate your capabilities?

It is evident that you are a person who displays filial behavior, but it is possible that this behavior may sometimes be excessive.

You may also wish to speak with a counselor.

I am a counselor who is often Buddhist and sometimes pessimistic, occasionally positive and motivated. I believe in the value of the world and in the potential of individuals to contribute to it.

Hello, I can see why you're confused.

First of all, as children, we should show more respect for our parents. It's possible that they're upset about something else and taking it out on you. They need to be reassured, but no one is there to share their stress, so it's important to try to understand them more.

Also, choose to grow together with your parents. If your parents have done something wrong, you need to point it out in a way that's respectful and then approach the issue with a mindset of growing together.

Your family dynamic will improve, and you'll find it easier to avoid adding stress to your life.

As the old saying goes, "A happy family leads to success in all areas." This is definitely true.

Do chores or go out with your parents together to build mutual understanding. At a certain point, show them with your actions that you've grown up and that they should treat you like an adult.

Additionally, treating your parents well is a fundamental aspect of fostering positive relationships with others. When you can maintain a harmonious relationship with your parents, you're more likely to succeed in your interactions with others.

If that doesn't work, then write to your parents and tell them what's on your mind. Many problems with parents stem from not seeing the other person's growth, not adjusting one's mentality in time, and a lack of communication. So respect, understand, and communicate more.

I hope your family has peace and prosperity. Please feel free to leave a comment.

Good day. My name is Jianlin, and I am a practicing psychological counselor.

I have carefully read your question and found it to be thought-provoking.

The subject may perceive a lack of clarity and direction on the part of the primary caregiver, which could be attributed to a sense of uncertainty and confusion regarding the underlying issue and the most effective means of addressing it. It appears that there may be a discrepancy between the subject's and their parents' perspectives on the subject's life choices.

I would like to present a personal anecdote for your consideration.

My father, for example, was previously a strong-willed individual. However, following a period of illness, he perceived a significant decline in his health and subsequently exhibited a notable shift in mood. He then asserted that I should assume responsibility for family matters, citing his own diminished capacity.

At that time, I was indifferent to his opinion and thus remained silent, which was also an implicit acquiescence. However, I subsequently observed that he would frequently become enraged for no apparent reason, adopt a disagreeable demeanor, and deliberately seek out arguments with me or the rest of the family.

It was only after a period of careful observation and deliberation that I came to fully appreciate the gravity of the situation. Through my observations, I learned that the individual in question did not feel useless, but rather that he had experienced a loss of his dominant position within the family unit. His sense of existence and value had been significantly undermined, which was the root cause of his feelings.

It is evident that the subject in question is not seeking to cause trouble. It is a universal parental desire to provide the best for their children and to ensure that their offspring do not experience a less favourable quality of life than they themselves have enjoyed. This can be observed in the aforementioned question, in which the subject's apparent unhappiness may be attributed to a perceived disparity in their circumstances.

In addition, it seems that the question of whether he also needs a sense of existence has been considered. For instance, when undertaking a task, one can discuss it with him in advance: "Ugh, what should I do with this matter? Although you may say that you have your own ideas and answers, you can consult him and ask him. He will feel the value of his existence."

To illustrate, when a favorable outcome is anticipated, even if one is aware that it will be positive, expressing concern that the result may not be as optimal as desired can elicit comfort from the other party. Conversely, there is also a sense of anticipation and shared hope for a positive outcome, which reinforces the perception of value. This underscores the importance of the other's presence and contribution.

His words and deeds can still affect you. However, this phenomenon will naturally dissipate over time. When you outperform him, he experiences feelings of envy. Conversely, when you achieve superior outcomes, he is pleased and anticipates your continued advancement.

It would be beneficial to communicate more, understand more, and seek advice more often, thereby ensuring that they feel valuable. I am confident that this issue can be readily resolved.

In response to your inquiry, I have provided a detailed account of my personal experience, which I hope will prove beneficial. I am grateful for the opportunity to share my insights.

The present is good! Be grateful for it.

You seem to be in conflict with your family. You want to develop and grow, but you also want to take care of your parents.

It's normal to compete in the family. "Survival of the fittest" is natural.

This competition exists between children, parents, and siblings.

Competition drives people to develop and grow stronger so they can adapt to society's evolution.

You're not betraying your parents by outperforming them. Even if they feel you're rebellious, this is normal. They should learn and improve themselves, or they should be happy.

If they get angry or throw a tantrum because they can't control you, they need to work on it. You're not wrong.

Their past behavior was shaped by their parents. Maybe they were once suppressed for trying to "stand out," and now you're experiencing the same thing. Congratulations, you've noticed this pattern and are reflecting on yourself!

Be brave and be yourself!

Good luck!

Good day, host. I hope my response proves useful to you in some way.

The host believes that he should not be too assertive, for fear of hurting his parents. As a result, he is subconsciously motivated to make his parents happy, which leads him to prioritize being less good than being good. This approach may make his parents feel happier, but it also increases the likelihood of him being told how stupid he is. In response, he may then try to prove that he is okay, which can lead to internal conflict and contradiction.

You have indicated that you are reluctant to express your genuine opinions when interacting with others. You are concerned about causing discomfort to others and would prefer to avoid confrontation than speak your mind. This behavior is reminiscent of the dynamics observed in an attachment relationship. In such a relationship, individuals may feel constrained, prioritizing the needs of others while neglecting their own. Over time, this can lead to a sense of unease and discomfort in the relationship.

I would like to offer the following advice:

It is recommended that you communicate directly and positively with your parents to determine whether they are genuinely concerned about your potential to surpass them.

It is unclear whether the original poster has discussed this issue with their parents or received a definitive response. It is possible that they are concerned about being surpassed by you. It is important to note that speculation without direct communication may not be an accurate representation of the situation.

I will provide an example from my own experience. My father was not an effective communicator and rarely offered direct praise. Even when he did commend me, he would do so in the presence of others, offering praise indirectly. When he was with me, he rarely expressed that I was doing a great job. As a result, I felt that he did not fully recognize my abilities and contributions.

It wasn't until recently that I recognized my deep-seated apprehension towards authority figures. My teachers advised me to seek a candid discussion with my father, as a fear of authority often stems from underlying familial issues. I approached my father with this concern and asked him directly, "Do you approve of me?" My father responded with a hearty laugh and affirmed his unwavering support.

"I simply have difficulty expressing myself effectively, but I genuinely approve of you and have held this positive regard for you since you were young." This dialogue proved instrumental in resolving my internal conflict.

I recommend that you engage in an open dialogue with your parents. It is possible that they do not perceive you as a threat and instead hope for your continued growth and improvement.

2. It is unavoidable that you will surpass your parents.

In today's group chat, Happiness 1983 made an interesting observation. They noted that the process of growing up is, in a sense, a process of betraying the original family. Before the chick hatches, the shell protects it, but after it hatches, the shell becomes a limitation.

The reason for human progress and development is that we can build on the achievements of our ancestors and make innovations and breakthroughs. From an evolutionary psychology perspective, children need to outperform their parents, and each generation should be stronger than the previous one. Furthermore, according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs theory, we all have the need for self-realization and the need to be respected. Therefore, we do not want to be called stupid, and we do not want to suppress our own aura.

It is therefore unsurprising that you feel uncomfortable when you deliberately try to hide yourself.

You indicate that you suppress your own needs and desires in order to avoid causing your parents distress. However, it is important to recognise that parents also have a responsibility to take control of their own lives.

It is commendable that you are kind and consider the feelings of others. However, it is important to understand that suppressed needs and emotions will not disappear. They will accumulate and, when the right opportunity arises, either erupt outwardly or attack inwardly.

I kindly request that you refrain from suppressing your needs and emotions. It is essential to accept your desire for personal growth and to avoid assuming the responsibilities and burdens of your parents. By doing so, you will be able to flourish and achieve a life of fulfilment.

3. Learn to distinguish between issues.

There are likely underlying reasons for parents' behaviors and thought processes. These may include past experiences, learned behaviors, or concerns about potential risks.

It is essential to identify these reasons and comprehend their behavior. Only by understanding the rationale behind their actions can we accept them and break the cycle.

Furthermore, it is important to recognize that attempting to change another person is an ineffective use of resources. If someone is not willing to change themselves, no external force can control them. Therefore, the most productive approach is to focus on our own growth, take responsibility for our actions, and address our own issues.

To manage relationships with parents, it is essential to differentiate between personal and parental concerns. Individuals must learn to assume responsibility for their own life challenges and refrain from attributing their parents' issues to themselves.

How can one discern the difference?

How can one discern the difference?

It is a straightforward concept: the individual who experiences the direct consequences of an action is responsible for that action.

It's a straightforward concept: the individual who is directly affected by an event is the one who should address it.

It is a common issue that parents find it difficult to accept their children surpassing them. This is a personal challenge that can be seen as part of their growth journey. The decision of whether to surpass one's parents or not is a personal choice. However, it is important to understand that this choice has consequences.

It is a common issue that parents find it difficult to accept their children surpassing them. This is a personal challenge that can be seen as part of their growth journey. However, the decision of whether to surpass one's parents or not is a personal choice. Once a choice is made, the consequences must be faced.

As an example, one may choose to refrain from surpassing their parents and continue with the current pattern of suppressing themselves while experiencing the urge to prove themselves. Alternatively, one may choose to surpass their parents, be true to themselves, but accept that they will be unhappy. Finally, one may choose to surpass their parents, communicate with them when they see that they are unhappy, and help them grow.

It is important to note that perfection is unattainable. However, it is essential to take ownership of one's decisions and accept the consequences that accompany them.

The final decision is yours to make. You simply need to clarify your own topic and theirs, take ownership of your topic, and avoid imposing their topic on yourself. This will make the process much more straightforward.

Please refer to the above for your convenience. Best regards,

Good day.

Please read your question in its entirety and consider the following: Is this an appropriate line of inquiry? "I often perceive a sense of competition between my parents and me, which causes me discomfort. How should I address this?"

1. Conduct a comprehensive analysis with an objective perspective.

The questioner displays a spirit of empathy and objectivity, as evidenced by the way the question is asked: "Is it normal?"

It appears that you are attempting to avoid your genuine, profound emotions out of concern for causing distress to the individuals referenced in your inquiry. You are experiencing discomfort on one hand, while attempting to safeguard their wellbeing on the other.

I believe that when you make this choice, it is not for any reward, but because you feel that you can live with yourself.

As the country's economy develops rapidly, it has become a major global player. As a new generation of individuals, you are unafraid to show yourself, and that is in line with the prevailing trends.

The "self" you are expressing is a respect for the current circumstances.

If you disobey your parents and are scolded, do not be discouraged. This does not reflect poorly on you or betray our glorious Chinese civilization.

It is also important to be vigilant and focus on the essential elements while disregarding the irrelevant details.

The questioner is engaged in critical thinking, which is always based on self-doubt and self-reflection.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to release some emotions. The use of the word "always" indicates that the issue has become increasingly intense as the desire for freedom has intensified, making communication more challenging.

Furthermore, the latter part of the sentence is employed in one's thinking to provide cover for one's parents and to satisfy them as much as possible.

It is evident that respect and acceptance are lacking in the relationship.

It is only those who understand empathy who can appreciate the value of acceptance. However, parents may have lacked "education in love" in the past, so they treat the topic of educating their children in a rigid way, always thinking that they themselves have also gone through this and can't go wrong. They believe they already know all the rules and that they are in control of them.

The term "respect" is of great significance and carries a great deal of weight. The most exemplary form of respect in a relationship is what is known as reciprocity.

Those who do not respect others will not be respected by others. This concept is taught during the growth stage and socialization process in an educational setting.

However, if the other party is unable or unwilling to demonstrate respect, any attempts at showing respect will be futile.

Respect will be disregarded and treated with disdain.

It is essential to maintain respect for yourself.

2. While it is possible to be obedient, it is essential to distinguish who you are obeying and how you can discern this in practice. Refuse to be a repeater of the noise!

It appears that you are caught in a cycle of thinking that being content is sufficient.

You are perceived as an ungrateful daughter based on the statements made by others.

From a financial standpoint, the optimal form of support is for parents to provide their children with a basic amount of money and allow them to pursue their own path, instilling in them the value of personal independence.

Some parents are unable to provide financial support, but they will never impede their children's independence. Despite potential setbacks, children can persist in problem-solving and self-improvement.

By using financial resources as a bargaining tool, the parents were able to gain moral leverage and effectively outbid their daughter.

You are also aware that compromise is not an effective strategy in your life scenarios.

From a rights-based perspective, once negotiations commence, the other party will set the pace.

As a result, you find yourself back at the original, untenable starting point, and you are forced to continue making concessions.

Is there an alternative approach that could be taken?

These include clothing, food, housing, transportation, and easy access to a doctor when needed.

You may plan for yourself in the following ways.

Regarding your career, it is advisable to take your time in your search for the ideal position. With perseverance, you will eventually find the right fit, provided you do not give up.

3. The opportunity to love yourself

A positive relationship can facilitate the development of self-love and enhance one's capacity to love oneself.

You may have previously experienced challenging interactions during social events. Individuals with differing perspectives may not always see eye to eye.

You have the option of selecting the type of relationship that best suits your needs. When you recognize that the right to choose cannot be transferred to others, you may find that a remarkable relationship presents itself unexpectedly.

The inquirer may select books or classic works of literature to supplement their research on psychology. We encourage you to explore the subject matter at your leisure.

Additionally, you are invited to assist me by recommending your preferred books in the reply box at your earliest convenience.