I always feel that my emotional intelligence is not high enough. Why do I find it difficult to say no to people?

Hello, Life is about trying to get others to cooperate. It's also about being rejected and rejecting others. Women often find it difficult to say no. Sometimes they have to refuse, which requires them to learn how to do so.

Be polite when refusing someone.

Don't respond quickly with a rebuttal, an unpleasant look, or an uncompromising attitude. Respond with an amiable and sincere attitude.

Be open and honest when refusing someone. If you're unclear, they'll be unsure of your meaning and misunderstand.

Refuse without hurting the other person's pride. It's hard to refuse someone who has done you a favor and asked for help.

As long as you show respect and speak frankly, the other person will understand.

When you have to say no, give the other person a way out. Be patient and listen to them. Then, you'll know what to say to get them to understand.

If you can refuse, sit facing the other person. If you're dealing with a difficult person, avoid direct eye contact and sit diagonally or sideways.

Consider the timing too.

As the old proverb says, "If you don't know when to stop, you will be in trouble." Refuse when you should, but be tactful and precise.

Only calm, welcoming people can calm others down.

In response to the landlord's inquiry, several points warrant consideration.

1. It is nearly impossible to experience rejection without negative emotional consequences, as previously mentioned by the original poster.

The act of making a request or demand inherently entails the expectation of a certain outcome. When this expectation is not met, it can lead to feelings of disappointment. It is inherently challenging to anticipate that the other person will not experience negative emotions when their expectations are not fulfilled. Regardless of the approach taken, the result will likely be a sense of disappointment.

2. Each individual bears primary responsibility for their own emotional management, and they should be granted the trust that they are capable of managing themselves.

The host is fearful of causing distress to others and believes he has a duty to avoid doing so. This results in him assuming responsibility for the actions of others. The experience of falling in love and being confided in is a matter for the host alone, as is the prospect of rejection and the subsequent need to regulate one's emotions.

3. The host stated, "I am the kind of person who is fearful of being rejected by the opposite sex and reluctant to make a confession." This observation is astute and elucidates the source of the host's discomfort with rejecting others. The host's tendency to "think of himself as others" results in feelings of embarrassment, frustration, and loss when he is rejected. Consequently, he anticipates that the other person will experience a similar emotional response. However, in reality, individuals exhibit a wide range of characteristics and behaviors, and "thinking of yourself as others" is an imperfect approach to understanding others.

This is merely a random thought for reference only.

In general, individuals who exhibit a fear of rejection tend to be benevolent, self-sacrificing, and inclined to provide for the well-being of others. This disposition may be shaped by experiences during childhood or may be intrinsic to one's nature.

It is my assessment that you are a benevolent individual who is willing to make sacrifices for others and is deeply concerned about their well-being. You aspire for global peace, for those around you to flourish, for their desires to be fulfilled, and for them to experience uninterrupted happiness. You are even prepared to make personal sacrifices to ensure their continued contentment.

One of the behaviors is that the individual makes demands of the other person, and although the latter does not desire to comply, they are unable to refuse the requests.

However, it is important to recognise that everyone has their own set of values and needs, as well as limited resources. It is not possible to give unconditionally, and therefore it is essential to define one's own boundaries and bottom line. It is also important to understand that relationships between people cannot be permanently harmonious. From a broader perspective, resources are always relatively scarce, and conflicts will arise between people competing for resources.

It may be necessary to learn how to navigate conflict. Even if one's boundaries and bottom line are breached, it is still important to communicate a clear "no." This concept can be illustrated by the following example: if one does not like a particular individual, it is appropriate to decline their advances.

It is a significant matter that will have a lasting impact on one's overall happiness.

It is similarly crucial to learn to "refuse tactfully," thereby minimizing the harm to the other person while avoiding a breach of one's own boundaries. This is a lifelong lesson that must be mastered. The basic sentence structure is to first acknowledge some of the other person's characteristics, and then at the same time XXXX...

To illustrate, consider the following example:

You are notably caring and conscientious in your professional capacity. However, for reasons that are unclear to me, I am currently disinclined to pursue a romantic relationship with you. Therefore, I kindly request that you allow me some space and time to reflect.

I am of the opinion that you are capable of fulfilling the responsibilities of this position without the need for direct supervision. I am prepared to provide guidance and assistance as required.

It is recommended that you enhance your aura and self-confidence so that others are discouraged from engaging in bullying behavior.

In addition, it can be argued that when another individual is experiencing distress, it can also evoke a similar emotional response in the observer. This shared emotional state may lead to a reluctance to assert a negative emotional response, such as saying "no." Another potential reason for this phenomenon is the fear of being infected by the negative emotions of another person. Therefore, it is crucial to develop strategies to prevent the influence of another person's negative emotions.

Hello! I give you a 360-degree hug!

From your question, I can tell that you don't think you have a high EQ, but in my opinion, you don't have a low EQ. You just have a strong ability to empathize, which is something to be proud of!

For example, if you reject someone, but you take on the emotions of the person who was rejected, you feel that he will be hurt. But here's the exciting part! You get to experience the full spectrum of human emotion.

At the same time, you are projecting your own emotions onto him, which is totally normal! It reflects the fact that you are afraid of being rejected, so you feel rejected and you think that others will also be hurt. This can be seen from the fact that you are afraid of being rejected and therefore don't express your feelings, which is something you can work on!

So, in the final analysis, it is probably because you have low self-esteem and a low sense of self-worth that you are so worried about everything, afraid of hurting others and afraid of being hurt yourself. But here's the good news: you can overcome this!

The specific reason is unknown, but it seems that on the surface, he is unable to reject others and is also afraid of being rejected. Personally, I don't think this has anything to do with emotional intelligence, which is great because it means there's something else going on!

I highly recommend the book The Courage to Be Disliked to you. This book offers a fascinating perspective on life's challenges. It helps us understand that there are three main categories of problems: your problems, his problems, and God's problems.

You are in charge of your own destiny! Take control of your life and don't let rejection get you down.

You've got this! Don't interfere with other people's problems, and don't take other people's problems upon yourself, for example, by taking on other people's emotions. If John is rejected and feels down, then this low mood is a problem that John has to face, something that he has to deal with, and it is not the responsibility of the person who rejected him.

I know it can be tough, but I'm here to help! I'd love to chat with you about your situation. You can also click "Find a Coach" above to talk with me. I'm a psychological coach from Yi Xinli, and I'm excited to help you!

I am a psychological counselor who is often depressed and sometimes optimistic, who absolutely loves the world and loves you!

Hello, dear questioner! I see that you are worried about hurting others. You don't know how to refuse someone without hurting them, and you are afraid of being rejected by the opposite sex. Don't worry! It is not difficult to refuse or to confess your feelings.

1. How can I express my refusal in a way that's kind and doesn't hurt anyone's feelings?

Express your thoughts sincerely! As long as you express your thoughts sincerely, without any words that attack and belittle the other person, I believe the other person can feel your sincerity.

He may feel a sense of loss, but he won't blame you because you have the right to say no—and you can say it with confidence!

☞ Euphemistic rejection. If you feel uncomfortable with a direct rejection, you can choose a more euphemistic way to express your thoughts — and you can do it with a smile!

Let's say, for instance, that someone who admires you wants to go out with you, but you're not interested. You can tactfully decline their invitation by telling a white lie, like saying you have to work overtime or that you've already got plans. When you do it more often, they'll get the message!

☞ People who have expectations of you after a rejection will be hurt. But here's the good news! Everyone is at risk of being rejected in the process of seeking intimacy, and this is a compulsory lesson in our growth process.

It is your right to accept or reject others' expectations of you. We are simply exercising our rights reasonably, and there is no need to feel a psychological burden for this. If you want to have a sustained, high-quality intimate relationship, we must have the ability to both enjoy the sweetness of intimacy and be able to withstand the setbacks in the relationship.

2. Overcoming the fear of rejection and learning to express oneself

True love is an amazing thing. It gives us the courage and strength to overcome any obstacle on the road to courtship.

If you're still afraid of being rejected and haven't yet confessed your feelings, it's probably because you have some concerns or your love for him isn't quite strong enough yet. But that's okay! You can take your time and enjoy the journey to getting to know each other better.

☞ Crying babies get milk, and the same goes for love! If you really love him, you must be brave enough to say so. You may be rejected, but at least you know that he doesn't love you, and you can stop wasting time and move on to the next relationship!

But if you don't say it, your love will probably remain a secret crush forever. So, what are you waiting for? Say it! The longer you wait, the more it will drain you.

3. Is it scary to be rejected? Absolutely not!

Is it scary to be rejected? Absolutely not! You've just expressed your emotions to the other person truthfully, and he has the right to choose whether to accept them or not.

There's absolutely nothing to fear in being rejected! You were so brave to fight for what you wanted, and you'll have absolutely no regrets looking back. Courageous people don't usually have bad luck, and I'm sure there will always be someone who will be overjoyed by your courage!

Hello, I'm June.

You're worried about hurting someone by saying no and afraid to confess your feelings in case you're rejected. This shows you're kind-hearted and emotionally sensitive.

Rejecting someone or confessing your feelings takes courage. You have to accept your loneliness to have the courage to do either of those things. If you're afraid to reject someone, it's because you still have expectations for the relationship.

1. Refusal is kindness, procrastination is pretense.

The reason you're afraid to refuse someone is not kindness. It's because you don't want to sever the relationship.

Not wanting to cut ties may be a way to save face, or it may be that you think the person is worth keeping as a friend. The question is, can the relationship be maintained without rejecting it?

If the other person likes you and you cannot accept it, your refusal to reject them will only give them false hope. There's no doubt about it: as time goes by, when he realizes that you are just using him, his love for you will grow even stronger.

The answer is self-evident: hatred is deeper.

As time goes by, the other person will gain a good impression and appreciate the kindness behind your rejection. You will become real friends. Procrastination will hurt both sides.

2. Confession is the beginning, but secret love is stagnation.

Don't let fear of rejection stop you from confessing your feelings. Rejection may seem like the end of the road, but there's always hope for secret love. Believe in yourself. You know you have good qualities, and you know the other person will eventually see them.

Let's analyze a few possibilities.

1. If the other person likes you, you should definitely confess your love.

Confessing your love is like tearing away the window paper, and your relationship will develop.

2. If the other person doesn't like you,

After being rejected, you can move on. Find someone who is truly right for you.

3. If the other person has not fallen for you yet

Confessing your love will make the other person pay attention to you. Get to know each other and spend time together. They'll discover the good things about you, and you'll end up together.

From this analysis, it is clear that the success rate of a confession is greater than 50%. And the success rate of a secret love?

It's more likely to be 30%.

Confessing your love is an effective way to sort out unclear boundaries in a relationship. However, unrequited love causes "internal injuries."

Long-term unrequited love and devotion will eventually throw a person's psychology out of balance. This imbalance can easily lead to jealousy and resentment. Even if you ultimately win that 30% probability, it may still turn into a 100% failure in the end.

You must return to the "emotional intelligence" mentioned by the original poster. High emotional intelligence is not the same as patience. High emotional intelligence means knowing what you want and what you don't want.

He knows how to fight for what he wants and how to give up. He is not proud when he gets what he wants and is not disheartened when he fails.

This is for reference only. Best wishes!

Good morning, host! I would like to offer you a warm hug first.

From your description, it seems that you are someone who genuinely wants to find effective ways to make everyone happy, but you're unsure of how to do so. You feel that your lack of emotional intelligence may be causing others to suffer. At the same time, you treat others this way and hope that they will treat you with the same consideration, so you are afraid of or find it hard to accept others' rejections. It seems as if you are stuck in a dilemma, afraid of making mistakes and of harm from the outside world.

Perhaps your behavior could be described as that of a pleasing personality, which may mean that you are not very bold in expressing your true opinions (especially different or rejected opinions), for fear that others will be unhappy or dissatisfied, or make a negative comment about you. At the same time, the way we treat others often has a projection component. When you find it challenging to tolerate others who refuse to consider your feelings and are stubborn, you may also find it challenging to accept others treating you this way.

It is not uncommon to find oneself caught up in this kind of internal conflict, unable to extricate oneself. One might wonder if it is appropriate to treat others this way, if they will be unhappy, if they will think this or that about you, if they don't like you for treating you this way, if you are not good enough, and so on. This kind of internal conflict can make one feel like they are not being honest enough in everything they do, and even make one feel a little afraid to move forward. I used to be in a very typical situation like this, but now I gradually dare to refuse others and bravely accept when others refuse me. Of course, this process is gradual. I would like to share some of my methods with you, in the hope that they will be helpful:

⭐️1. It may be helpful to establish a connection with your inner self. Yi Shu once offered some words of wisdom that we may have all heard before: love yourself, be calm, and then love others.

It may be a cliché, but it is nevertheless true that when we are uncertain about how to interact with the outside world, we often find it challenging to identify our true desires. In particular, if we seek the approval of others, we may find ourselves acting in accordance with their standards or wishes. While gaining external approval may offer a sense of temporary strength, it is often the case that true strength arises from aligning with our hearts and experiencing inner satisfaction.

It might be helpful to consider asking yourself, "Am I willing to do this?" before making a decision next time. It can be beneficial to focus on your own response and intentions first, rather than worrying about how others might react. Ultimately, as long as we don't hurt others, we have the freedom to decide what we want to do and not to do.

2. Consider developing the courage to be disliked. This does not entail deliberately doing things to make people dislike you. The key is to establish a sense of boundaries, to dare to defend your own boundaries, and to say no bravely. Specifically, it means first of all respecting your own feelings. When someone says something or does something or asks you for something, first consider how you feel, whether you are uncomfortable. If so, you may wish to pay attention. You can rate the degree of this discomfort on a scale of 1-10. If it exceeds 6, you may wish to pay attention. You may wish to ask yourself why you feel uncomfortable. Is it because the other person has made an excessive request? If you are not sure, you can imagine yourself as a person with strong principles and ask yourself what you would do in this situation. Or you can ask a friend who is more principled to discuss whether the other person has crossed the line. At the same time, you may wish to understand that everyone has their own boundaries and issues. Behaviors like the ones you describe may indicate that you are taking on other people's issues, while also asking other people to take on your issues. Why?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider that our issues are often shaped by our thoughts and feelings about a situation. In other words, our choices and reactions to events often become the driving force behind our emotional experiences. To illustrate this, let's take the example of a situation where you choose to refuse someone. This is your choice, and it's natural to want the other person to be happy. However, the other person may have their own thoughts and feelings about the situation, and they may choose to accept your refusal or to be unhappy. It's important to recognize that we cannot control how others react to our choices. Our emotions can be influenced by how we perceive the other person's response, but ultimately, their feelings are their own. It's essential to remember that we cannot force happiness on others, and that we cannot expect them to be happy simply because we want them to be. Instead, we can choose to be happy ourselves, and to accept that not everyone will share our joy.

In other words, you take responsibility for your own issues, and you let the other person take responsibility for theirs. Do you understand? You have the option of choosing which part you want to take responsibility for. You can choose to refuse or accept. When you refuse, the other person may experience feelings of being unhappy, but you cannot demand that the other person be happy. You can accept that the other person is experiencing feelings of being unhappy. This is actually a kind of separation of issues: control the things you can control, and accept the things you cannot control.

By setting aside issues on a regular basis, we will become more and more aware of where our own boundaries lie. In time, we will gradually hand over other people's issues and take responsibility for our own.

It is not uncommon to find ourselves caught in a web of internal conflicts, hesitant to reject others and hoping for their approval. This often stems from a lack of clarity in our principles and value systems. As we become more attuned to our inner selves and our true desires, we will naturally gravitate towards choices that align with our heart's desires, even when they may be uncomfortable. We will learn to gently but firmly decline, even if it causes distress to others. However, our inner strength will guide us to make decisions that are in line with our value system. As we strengthen our inner resilience, we will become less influenced by external emotions and more in tune with our authentic selves.

May you gradually establish a sense of boundaries, bravely shoulder your responsibilities, dare to say no to others, and increasingly accept the real you.

I would like to express my love for the world and for you.

Hello, classmate.

It is important to learn to say no. It is okay to be firm when you need to be, and there is no need to be afraid to say no. Sometimes, when you help others, you may inadvertently hurt yourself. It is okay to stand up for yourself and have your own attitude and principles.

If you feel that something is not right for you, it is perfectly acceptable to say "no" in a firm but polite manner. Learning to say no is an important step in developing your personal growth. It is valuable to learn to follow your heart, speak your mind, and express your feelings openly. Sometimes, we tend to overthink and worry about offending others, which can lead to hesitation and difficulty expressing our true desires.

And we may end up with a result that is "thankless." In that case, perhaps we could try being more straightforward, not dwelling on it so much, and speaking up if we have something to say. We could simply say no, not be afraid of this or that, not worry so much, not be afraid of things, and communicate promptly to solve problems when they arise.

In the event that no difficulties arise, it would be advisable to avoid seeking them out. Similarly, if challenges do occur, it is important to remain calm and composed.

It is not necessary to be anxious about different blooming times. It is important to live this life at your own pace.

It is often said that there is no standard life in this world, only a custom-made one. The rhythm of this custom-made life is in your own hands. It is important to remember that the most important thing in life is not to live better than others, but to find your own rhythm and live your life to the fullest according to that rhythm. Everyone in this world has their own time zone, and everyone in their own time zone has their own rhythm.

Everyone has their own rhythm in their own time zone, and everyone has their own unique rhythm and their own time zone in life. Some people may start fast, while others may start later but take each step firmly. The ending may not be as bad as one might expect.

Life has its ups and downs, and there is no simple way to define a "good" or "bad" life. It's important to recognize that there is no need to envy or be distressed about it. One way to show respect for life is to live your life to the fullest without any regrets.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused, and I'm here to support you.

You mentioned that you find it challenging to decline requests from others. This isn't necessarily a reflection of your emotional intelligence.

I think it's more likely to be related to your family of origin.

From an early age, I was taught by my father that we should help others when we can.

I feel really guilty when I don't help people or refuse to help them.

Question owner, have you also had this experience?

Later on, after I'd learned more about psychology, I found I was able to handle things better.

I've come to understand that originally, we help out of friendship, and it's our duty not to help.

There's no need to be embarrassed. Just say no.

So, how can you build your resilience?

One way to get help is to read psychology books yourself.

Another option is to get help from a professional counselor.

If you have the time and energy, you can use both methods at the same time. This will help you to grow faster.

Given that your current issue is related to your original family, I'd suggest reaching out to a professional counselor rather than an instant listener.

If you think it would help, you can also buy the Pocket Practice here on the platform.

One of the units is about why it's so hard for us to say no to others and how our "pleasing personality" is formed. Each unit only takes 20 minutes, and I've just started listening to two units. I feel like I've benefited a lot already.

Next time you want to help someone, think about whether it's your own need or theirs.

If it's the other person's needs, you can choose to refuse to help.

I really hope you can find a solution to the problem you're facing soon.

That's all I have to say for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you, the questioner. I'm the one who answered, and I'm learning something new every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love you. Best wishes!

Love yourself, because you are your own best friend!

Children, give them a hug! We all get scared of rejecting others because we're scared of losing them.

Your character determines your destiny.

I think you might have felt like you didn't get enough attention from your parents when you were young. Maybe you didn't feel loved enough to support your sense of security. I don't know if it was because your parents really didn't pay enough attention to you, or because of their parenting style, that caused you to feel like you didn't seem to be worthy of being treated with care and respect. So you behaved in a way that was fault-finding and perfectionistic, without enough sense of security, afraid of losing it if you refused, and then you were lonely. The past cannot be undone, and we can only face the future bravely. You can change yourself.

And accept yourself, my dear children. Build self-confidence: everyone is a unique individual and the most loyal companion on the journey of life.

To love yourself is to accept yourself for who you are, with all your wonderful strengths and a few imperfections, too! It's about making peace with yourself and having a rich, fulfilling life. Refusal doesn't mean loss, but it does mean respect.

You don't make promises lightly, and you don't go against your own heart or cause trouble for others. If you refuse to lose the attention of someone, it simply means that that person isn't worth your sadness.

If you're struggling financially, you can focus on improving yourself. And if you're doing well, you can dedicate your time and energy to helping others. It's the same with relationships.

When you love yourself and feel secure in yourself, you'll be able to take care of others.

How to say no: You are such a kindhearted soul, my dear child. On the one hand, you want to say no to others without hurting their feelings, but on the other hand, you are afraid of being rejected if you confess your feelings to the boy you like. There is no doubt that saying no itself is definitely hurtful.

This is the choice you have to make, my friend. If you don't want to hurt others, agreeing against your better judgment is hurting yourself. I don't think you want to hurt yourself, do you?

There's actually some understanding in relationships. For example, if he doesn't go on your invitation, doesn't answer your calls or messages promptly, and waits a while before replying, I think he'll understand your attitude. Some people pretend not to understand, but you can always tell them that you're not a good match. Sending them a "nice person" card is a great way to resolve the situation peacefully.

Unless he's a scoundrel, he'll want to stay with you!

Have the courage to pursue love! If you like someone, express yourself boldly. You can also express your feelings in a tactful way. For example, show your vulnerability by asking for help or asking him to go to the movies or have dinner with you. If he doesn't reject you, I'm sure he'll reciprocate your feelings. If the guy also has feelings for you, he'll take the initiative to declare his love after understanding your feelings, right?

Of course, if he is an introverted guy, he may also need courage, but if you take the initiative to invite him, you can encourage him to confess. If he doesn't confess but doesn't reject your initiative, you have to be careful with such a man. It's okay if he's enjoying this ambiguous atmosphere and doesn't really want to be with you again.

It's so important to be realistic about character. If you understand that it's not a character issue, then be brave! The worst thing that can happen is to be rejected.

At least you know he doesn't like you, and you don't have to waste any more time and energy on him. I hope what I said helps, but maybe what I said is a bit realistic. But reality is about realistic solutions, and I'm here for you if you need me.

Hello, classmate!

Listen patiently to the other person's request, even if you already know that you have to refuse. You should seriously consider what he says. This will give you a clear understanding of the request and show your respect for the other person.

If you can't make a decision at the time, tell the other person clearly that you need to think about it and give them a definite time frame for an answer. Don't use "think about it" as a delaying tactic. When you refuse a request, show the other person how much you appreciate their input by explaining why you've made your decision.

When you refuse a request, you should of course do so politely. Be sure to thank the other person for thinking of you and don't forget to apologize slightly!

Don't apologize too much, because you've got this! The other person might think you're not sincere, but you are!

If you feel very apologetic, then indicate that you are able to meet his request without fulfilling it. In addition to a pleasant expression, you should have a firm attitude, so that you can avoid being persuaded by the other party to cancel or amend your original decision. It is best to explain the reason for the rejection to the other party, which will help maintain the original relationship between you. However, not all rejections need to be explained. Sometimes not explaining the reason can

Be sure to seem sincere!

Believe in yourself! You've experienced so much, and life will definitely save the best luck for last. When the bitter ends and the sweet begins, the Milky Way will become a gift of celebration!

You don't need to change yourself, you don't need to cater to me, you don't need to be so understanding. Just be yourself! I will slowly adapt. You have no weighing of pros and cons with me, only unswerving determination. No matter what decision you make, I will always support you!

Michi:

You are a kind and good person. There's no need to rush into denying your low emotional intelligence. It's natural to want to be affirmed, and it's understandable to feel a little afraid of being rejected or causing a rift in the relationship after rejecting someone.

It is possible that this feeling may have been formed at an early age and then become deeply rooted during the growth process.

"I may have internalized the idea that my parents only like me if I'm a good boy or girl."

"I believe that I can only please the teacher if I work hard and do my best in class."

If you are constantly controlled by this kind of "good" thinking, you may find yourself unconsciously doing "good deeds" and using them to gain the approval and appreciation of others.

Psychologist Harriet Black refers to this behavior as the "good person syndrome."

You might like to consider asking yourself:

"Have you ever found yourself saying yes when you really wanted to say no?"

Do you find yourself seeking approval from others?

"Do you think it would be a cause for concern if someone didn't like you?"

Being a good person is not just a habit or a way of behaving. It is also a way of establishing a special relationship with others.

I'm not sure what I should do in this situation.

1. It is important to be firm in your beliefs.

When faced with a request from someone else, it might be helpful to first ask yourself if it is worth helping.

It might be helpful to remind yourself that it's not possible to meet all the demands of others.

2. Once you have decided to decline, you might consider trying some alternative strategies for refusal:

Perhaps you could say that you're currently busy and don't have the time to help her.

You might consider offering other candidates or resources, which could help the other party to accept.

3. It is important to remember that helping others is a matter of sentiment, while not helping is a matter of principle.

The other person may still try to persuade you, for example by saying, "I think we can get this done quickly."

If you feel it's necessary, you can simply say no and be clear about it. It's not uncommon for us to worry about things more than they really are.

Once you verbalize your concerns, you may find that the situation is not as challenging as you initially perceived.

Nothing is a matter of course, and it's important to help others when we can.

Hello, questioner! I am Jia Ao, and I'm here to help.

It's clear you're struggling. You're having problems in your relationships. You say you don't have a high emotional quotient, you don't know how to refuse people, and you worry that your refusal will hurt others, especially those who have expectations of you. You find it difficult to refuse people and you're very hesitant and worried about being rejected by the opposite sex. What should you do?

From your description, it's clear you're a person who considers others' feelings. You feel guilty about rejecting others, which is why you've come to the platform to seek help and find a way to reject others without hurting them. If you can do so without hurting others, you'll be very happy. At the same time, you're worried you'll be the one being rejected in future relationships, so you feel this will be very difficult.

Let's chat.

1. [Open communication] If you want to refuse without hurting the other person and maintain a normal relationship with them, speak to them in a sincere tone and tell them the truth. Put yourself in their shoes and deal with the situation from their perspective. Don't keep them in the dark or delay the refusal because you're embarrassed. This will only lead to unnecessary misunderstandings, which is not good for either party.

2. [Mutual respect] We are all afraid of being rejected by others because we all have our own self-esteem, and rejection is a kind of self-denial. Therefore, if you want to deal with such a problem, you must pay special attention to this point and take into account the other person's self-esteem. You may not choose the other person, but you cannot attack them for rejecting them. You must first praise the other person's strengths and then give a suitable reason for rejection. Everyone has shortcomings, but when you clearly reject someone, you should still say less, so that both parties can feel better. This is also a rejection technique. It would be better if you could say the reason for rejecting the other person more gently.

3. [Euphemistic refusal]

In terms of relationships, it is even more so. A direct rejection really hurts. You can use tactful language to make it clear to the other person that you are not interested in entering a relationship for the time being, that you have always considered them as a friend, or that you have someone you like now. This way, you reject the other person without hurting them, and it will not affect the original relationship between you.

4. [Look at it objectively] This includes the same thing in your future intimate relationships. If the other person has expressed their refusal, you must let it go. There's no need to dwell on it. What's more, if it's forced, it won't last long. Relationships are all about mutual consent. You have rejected others like this not because they are bad, but because you don't feel like a couple with them. The same goes for you. So don't feel scared. Rejection is a normal behavior. As long as you haven't entered into marriage, it's not too late. Just try it.

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Hello, landlord! I really hope my answer can help you in some way.

I totally get it. I used to be just like you. I was afraid to say no to others and also afraid of being rejected. This was mainly because we didn't have the strength within ourselves. So our boundaries were a bit blurred. But when I built up my inner strength, I also understood the concept of separating issues. I could tell what was my issue and what was someone else's issue. Then I could be more authentic, comfortable, and relaxed in relationships. And when we dare to say no to others, you will also find that we are not so afraid of being rejected by others, because we can face our imperfect selves with an open mind. Although we may be rejected, it doesn't mean that we are not good enough. It just means that we are not a good match for others at that time and place. The reason why most people reject us is because they are standing in their own shoes and making their own choices. This only represents their choice, not a definition of us. Therefore, only when we have a very stable self-evaluation system within ourselves, will we dare to express ourselves and be able to accept others' rejection with an open mind. At the same time, we can naturally present our true needs and feelings in relationships, while also taking care of the needs and feelings of the other person.

So, my dear friend, I have a little advice for you:

Take a moment to think about why you might be hesitant to express your refusal, or why you might feel afraid of being rejected by someone you're interested in. It's often because we lack self-confidence and inner strength. But here's the good news: you can enhance your inner strength! When you do, you'll naturally feel more confident in refusing and accepting refusals from others.

It's totally normal to be afraid to express our refusal. We're worried that others won't like us after we express our refusal. We're also afraid of being rejected by the opposite sex. We feel that being rejected by the opposite sex means that he doesn't like us. This makes us feel like we're not good enough. But is that really true?

It's important to remember that when we express our refusal, others may not necessarily dislike us. In fact, they might even respect us more for standing up for ourselves! On the other hand, if we suppress our true needs and reluctantly agree to others' demands, but in the process of helping others, we are unwilling, this will instead make our relationship worse. This is because there is too much of our own grievances and suppression. If we are not being true to ourselves in a relationship, then the other person will not see the real us either. They will still come to us next time because they feel we are willing, so we will fall into a bad cycle. If you agree again, you will suppress your grievances and your own needs again, and you will have more complaints about the other person.

It's important to remember that when we're rejected by someone we like, it doesn't mean we're not good enough. It just means that from their point of view, they feel we're not suitable for them. But there will always be someone who thinks we're suitable. Think about it this way: it's like us evaluating a student. Some people will evaluate from the perspective of academic performance and think we're not very good at that, while others will evaluate from the perspective of comprehensive development and perfect personality and think we have strong comprehensive abilities and are very outstanding. There are so many perspectives and standards for external evaluation of us! If we don't have a stable internal self-evaluation system and don't have enough inner strength, it can be easy to become uneasy and volatile due to these external evaluations and voices.

So, it's really important to understand ourselves. As Dong Yuhui said, "When everyone is scolding you, you have to tell yourself that you are not that bad; when everyone is praising you, you have to tell yourself that you are not that good." If we can understand ourselves, know what kind of person we are, know what we want, and know what kind of life we want to live, we can let go of a lot of worldly judgments and instead establish a stable self-evaluation system within. This self-evaluation system is the anchor of our hearts. When you have this anchor, you will not be so easily influenced by external evaluations. You'll be able to achieve what Adler said: not being afraid of being hated and not craving for others' approval.

Because of this, you already have it within you: you have your own recognition and affirmation, as well as your own understanding and support. You're already enough, just as you are!

It can be tough to build up your inner strength and find a solid way of evaluating yourself. We all need to keep learning and growing! First, it's important to understand yourself better through different ways of thinking. You need to know what you want, who you are, and what you're capable of. Then, you need to accept your true, imperfect self. Next, you should set some achievable goals for yourself. You can do this in many ways, and you'll feel great when you beat your own expectations and keep getting better at becoming the person you want to be. As you do this, your inner strength will grow, and you'll slowly become a better judge of yourself.

2. It's so important to learn to separate issues, make your own choices, and take responsibility for the consequences of those choices. We don't need to get involved in or take responsibility for other people's issues, because everyone has their own parts that need to grow. This allows us to guard our boundaries and be more comfortable in relationships.

To handle relationships well, we need to learn to separate issues. It's important to understand that some issues in life are our own and some belong to others. It's good to take responsibility for our own issues and not take on other people's issues. This will make you feel a lot better!

So, how do you know whose issue it is? It's really quite simple! The issue is the one that's affecting you the most directly.

Let's say, for instance, that you feel like you'll hurt others when you reject them. It's possible that the person who has expectations of you will feel hurt when you express your rejection. In that case, you have a few options: you can reject others, which might make them feel hurt and disappointed, but you'll feel more comfortable; you'll have to bear the consequences of these results yourself; or you can choose not to reject others, which might make you feel suffocated and even a little angry, but others will think you're nice and praise you. You can also selectively reject. In this case, tell the other person what you can and can't do, where your limitations lie. It's not that you don't want to help; it's just that you have certain abilities.

It's so important to understand that we need to accept the consequences of our own choices. We need to make a choice that we're happy with and also be willing to accept all the consequences of that choice. If you choose to refuse, then you'll have to bear your friend's disappointment. If you choose to accept, then you'll have to bear any grievances or emotions that arise afterwards. And your friend will be disappointed and have his own emotions. This is his problem, and he needs to deal with it. You also need to believe that he has the ability to handle his own affairs, right?

In short, you just need to make your own choice and take responsibility for the consequences of your choice. I promise you, this will make things easier for you!

3. It's so important to communicate effectively in relationships! You can use the method of non-violent communication to express your feelings and needs without causing harm or offense to others.

It's totally understandable to feel hurt when someone expresses their refusal, especially when you have expectations of them. So, how can you express your refusal in a way that doesn't hurt their feelings? I've got just the thing for you! Nonviolent Communication is an amazing communication method that can help you express your needs and feelings in a way that's respectful and understanding.

Nonviolent communication is all about expressing our feelings and needs, as well as our requests to others, in a way that is free from judgment or blame. It's also about inviting the other person to do the same. When we make completely objective statements, we simply express our feelings, needs, and requests. This doesn't harm the relationship at all! It actually allows us to understand each other better and have a deeper connection. Conflicts are actually good because they lead to growth and relationships develop through conflict.

For example, if you want to refuse something to your partner, you can say something like, "Hey, X. You just said that... I really want to help, but I've been super busy recently, so I'm afraid I can't help you right now. I hope you understand. What can I do to help? Do you need me to do something for you within my current abilities?"

Then you can listen to him talk about his feelings and needs, as well as his specific requests for you. In this way, through repeated expressions and exchanges, you will become more and more clear about what his needs are and what your needs are. In the end, you can actually negotiate a solution, which is that you may not completely help him, but within your abilities, you can give him some help within your abilities, and he will definitely understand and be grateful to you.

And the best part is that through such exchanges and communication, your relationship will become even deeper and you will understand each other better. Next time, he will know what your specific situation is and have more reasonable expectations and needs for you.

I really hope this helps! Wishing you all the best!