I always get angry easily. How can I be more positive and less prone to anger?

Hello, young lady. I see you're confused. Let me give you a hug!

You're having an emotional problem. Let me give you a hug.

You'd be angry if you came home from work and saw dirty dishes and a dirty table.

You have to tell yourself that you can't take care of everything.

My second aunt had rules for her two sons.

What's the rule?

If they fail the exam, they don't get paid.

The eldest son begged his aunt for more time to study because he had practiced the violin too long after school. Otherwise, he would fail the exam.

My second aunt gave her eldest son 15 minutes to review, then told him to go to sleep. She also told him that if he failed the exam, she would not pay his tuition.

The eldest son failed the exam the next day. He was afraid to tell my second aunt.

The teacher reminded her about her eldest son's tuition payment. She realized he had an exam coming up and he failed.

I'm not saying you should refuse to pay your children's school fees if they don't study and get bad grades.

You can lower their allowance as a punishment for not studying.

Children often don't study because there are no consequences.

Before the Chinese New Year, the psychologist Sun Quanhang posted videos about encouraging your husband to do housework. Watch them if you have time.

When you come home from work, you can change your mindset and be grateful that you still have a happy family. You should let things go because no one is coming to your house. You can't take care of your home while you're at work, so a messy home is normal.

One respondent said it's like seeing half a glass of water.

If you see only half a glass of water, you'll get angry.

The former, "there is still half a glass of water," shows the positive and optimistic side of the family. You still have a husband and children, and it is a happy family.

Does this make you feel better?

I hope you can solve your problem soon.

I'm out of ideas.

I hope my answers help and inspire you. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Yixinli loves you! Best wishes!

Good morning, Lord.

I empathize with your situation deeply after reading your story. I also wonder how many people in the world might be facing similar challenges.

It may be helpful to consider that when we complain about other people and the world, it could be an indication that our inner needs are not being met.

If I might offer my advice, it would be:

I would like to suggest that the first step is to try to satisfy yourself first.

It is important to remember that you should try to live within your means. This means that you should try to buy the clothes you like, go out for a nice meal, and satisfy your own small requests. It is also important to remember that you should not have to consider anyone else, including the children.

2. You may find that your complaints decrease when you have taken care of your own needs. Rather than saying that you have sacrificed for the family because of the children, you could consider that you have saved and scrimped. It might be helpful to remember that you can't afford to buy clothes and can't spend money on yourself. This may help you feel less resentful and more in control of your situation. It's important to remember that your sacrifices may not be fully understood by others, and that your complaints and nagging may not be the most constructive way to handle the situation.

3. While it is not necessary to do the things you don't want to do, it is important to avoid complaining while you are doing them. Additionally, they would prefer the house to be slightly less clean and for you to express your feelings in a constructive manner.

4. It's okay to admit when you're not up to something. You don't have to be perfect. You can say, "I can't do this, I'm not in the mood, I'm tired, I need to rest first."

You might find it helpful to try this approach. It could help your family members feel more relaxed, and it might help you feel more relaxed too. This could help create a more relaxed atmosphere at home, which might help prevent your emotions from getting triggered.

If you find yourself experiencing strong emotions, it may be helpful to find an outlet for them. This could be as simple as enjoying a good meal outside, finding a tree hole, or seeking out a suitable environment. It's also important to remember to take care of yourself and adjust your emotions before going home.

If you feel it would be helpful, you are also welcome to speak to a therapist. We also have a public service hotline, so you are welcome to come and talk to me.

Dear Host, I hope that my response will prove to be of some assistance to you.

From your description, it is evident that you are a responsible mother. You demonstrate a strong work ethic, completing your tasks, managing the household, and caring for your two children. Additionally, you are a mother who strives for a fulfilling life. You aspire for your children to become well-rounded individuals, a happy and prosperous family, and a rewarding career for yourself.

I wish you the best and believe that you can achieve these goals.

It is an inevitable consequence of the discrepancy between expectations and reality that negative emotions will arise. In your life, there are a series of situations that engender unhappiness, including your child's lack of academic effort and subsequent poor academic performance, your husband's limited income and the associated financial pressures, and your own mediocre performance at work. It is precisely these circumstances that give rise to feelings of anger.

It is, however, important to acknowledge that you have already recognized that your outbursts of anger are not constructive and that you aspire to become more positive. Confronting challenges directly is an essential first step in finding solutions. It is, therefore, important to commend yourself for this achievement.

The following suggestions are offered for your consideration:

1. Adopt a new perspective. Focusing on one's assets rather than liabilities fosters an optimistic outlook and mitigates the impact of negative stimuli, thereby reducing the likelihood of emotional distress.

Individuals who perceive the glass as half-full tend to exhibit positive and optimistic moods, whereas those who perceive the glass as half-empty often display negative and pessimistic moods.

It is recommended that the individual focus on the tangible assets in their life, such as their own health and financial stability, as well as that of their spouse and children. Additionally, it is advised to actively seek and identify the positive attributes of one's spouse and children on a daily basis, offering constructive feedback and encouragement. If this practice is consistently maintained, it is likely to result in a positive shift in emotional state.

2. While directing positive attention, it is also imperative to address the challenges inherent in our lives. One such challenge is the division of household responsibilities with one's spouse.

For example, parents should encourage and guide their children to improve their learning habits and concentration. It has been demonstrated that praise is an effective method of encouraging children.

The ability to solve practical problems in life has been demonstrated to enhance relationships with one's spouse and children, as well as to improve one's emotional state.

In conclusion, it is important to recognize that no family or life is without flaws. It is essential to accept one's own imperfections, approach life's challenges with a balanced perspective, work steadily and resolutely towards one's objectives, and maintain an optimistic outlook for the future.

Hello! I'm sending you a 360-degree hug.

Your description might be an accurate reflection of the current situation in many families. There's a book with a very realistic title: "The Disappearing Father, the Anxious Mother and the Out-of-Control Child." It's a title that touches on some very sensitive issues for mothers.

Why aren't we talking about the fathers? Well, fathers aren't aware of their own problems. They tend to think that the problems in the family are caused by the woman's nagging.

You say we women have suffered so much. But at the same time, I want to say that, unfortunately, this is the current situation in many families.

Because we haven't learned how to manage intimate relationships, parent-child relationships, or how to be a husband, wife, or parent.

We all learn by observing, by observing our parents and by observing other people's marriages. It's not uncommon for mothers-in-law to treat their daughters-in-law badly, and many will say, "That's what my mother did to me."

And let's not forget the men, who were brought up by anxious mothers and see anxious mothers as the norm. Their own behavior also copies their fathers'.

It's like a vicious cycle where everyone imitates the behavior they least want to see and looks up to role models they want to escape from.

But there is one difference: times have changed, and women have woken up. That's right. The original cycle has created a challenge.

But men, because they have a lot at stake, are reluctant to change. Even a man with a doctorate may say, "My mother was fine, so why couldn't you?"

I know that sounds negative, but what I mean is that this situation isn't just about one person. It's also not the whole picture.

Every couple is trying to find a balance between traditional moral standards and modern individual independence. It's a difficult process, and some families don't succeed in achieving a healthy balance, which can lead to breakdowns. In other cases, a balance is reached, but it often comes at the expense of one person's sacrifice and tolerance.

Not enough couples can go both ways and learn together to make changes.

In a family, it's often the woman who's eager to change. But I have to be the bearer of bad news: I don't think you can change the situation in your family just by trying hard.

First, you might not know how to make the change.

Second, you've probably tried a lot, complained, and gotten angry, but it hasn't worked. These are all your attempts, but they haven't succeeded. But at least you know which approach isn't working.

Finally, other people aren't on board.

When it comes to change, there are three levels to consider: cognition, emotion, and behavior. These three aspects influence and complement each other.

You can use your thinking to change how you feel and what you do, and you can also use what you do to change how you think. This is the idea behind cognitive behavioral therapy.

But you might not be able to do this on your own. You may need to first deny yourself, and then break yourself down and rebuild yourself. So it's probably a good idea to seek help from a counselor.

Family therapy is usually recommended, which means the whole family goes together. If that's not possible, you can also go alone.

But in any case, I suggest you get some help. Don't dwell on it alone, because that will only make you angrier and more upset. At this time, you need to get some external support.

I'm often both Buddhist and pessimistic, but I do try to be motivated and positive. I love the world and I think it loves me back.

Hello! I'm sending you a hug.

I'm glad you're asking for help. I hope my sharing can support you. I also want to praise you for being aware of your emotions. Awareness is the first step to change.

Any emotion is a sign that something is missing or needed. Emotions are neither good nor bad. They need to be seen, accepted, and responded to, especially negative emotions.

You are an amazing woman. You work hard and play an important role in your family. You want to be supported, understood, and seen. What do you think?

You don't know that you want to be supported, seen, and understood. This makes you act on your emotions, like getting angry with your child and yelling for attention. Then your husband can support you, but you don't want to because you think it makes you vulnerable.

Asking for help from your family does not make you weak. Everyone has limits. Nobody is perfect. Having expectations of perfection makes it hard to be honest with yourself. This also makes it hard to accept others. Then, you feel rejected because of your and others' limits. This makes you feel frustrated and powerless. It also makes you push others away.

It's important to accept yourself in relationships. This lets you be honest and let go of expectations. It also helps you accept others and their limitations. When others feel accepted, they can try to respond to and satisfy your needs.

You have to accept your own powerlessness first.

I'm Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. I love you.

Hello, questioner. I can see how life has devastated you and made you feel helpless.

Life is like this, and everyone has problems. But we all have the right to pursue a happy life!

We have low expectations, and we're content with a peaceful living environment, rewarding work, understanding children, a considerate partner, and a healthy family. But look around us. There are broken families, people who are poor, homeless, in debt, and dying of illness.

You're right—you need to deal with the current situation in a better frame of mind.

First, you are not thinking about changing your husband, your children, or your job. Instead, you are changing your own mindset and perception, and you are giving yourself a big thumbs-up.

You immediately identify the core issue. While your description reveals a tendency to complain and a proclivity for negativity, these are universal human emotions. Repression inevitably leads to self-damage.

Let's talk about change. All change will eventually be reflected in a change of thinking. It will be presented as a change in your attitude towards the world. Your values and your view of and thoughts about things will change. This will lead to changes in your behavior and the results you want.

Second, real change is a long and complex process. You have to be prepared to put in the hard work to achieve it.

If you want to change overnight, it's not going to happen. You need to go through five stages:

First, we must acknowledge the imbalance of the current situation.

Something has gone wrong in your work, relationships, studies, psychological state, etc. You feel lost, trying to find a new balance. You deliberately seek change, but you find it very difficult because you are trying to break your existing balance and step out of your comfort zone.

If you don't want to change, change is very difficult.

Second, external stimuli.

External factors can include your perceived shortcomings, the perceived strengths of others, or a lesson, book, or video that resonates with you and makes you think. These things can upset the balance of your system, impact your original value system, and try to deconstruct you.

It only moves from the conscious to the subconscious when it touches your innermost being.

The third stage is the chaos stage.

When external factors disrupt habitual thinking, the mind needs to experience a period of rejection, followed by internalization. This is how the mind works. When you find that the arguments, cold wars, low self-esteem, appeasement, and avoidance that you used to use frequently no longer work and cannot solve the problem, it is time to accept this and move on.

This is a painful and confusing stage. You will get through it.

The fourth stage is integration.

After a complex psychological struggle, you will integrate. You will process old experiences and form a new value system by thinking in new ways.

Not all integration is successful. If you agree with it at the conscious level but not at the subconscious level, it has not been internalized. The integration stage is about reconstructing your own value system. This stage requires frequent introspection and mental suggestion.

You must practice, and practice often.

You must nourish this integrated system through constant practice and experience. This is the only way it can slowly learn to adapt and grow in social life until it is as large as your original system of experience. Only then will it have completed its rebirth and have a new value system.

I want to be clear: change is a spiraling upward process. Progress under new stimuli may temporarily be ten steps, and the chaos and integration stages may take nine steps back. But new value perceptions take one step forward.

You must understand that change comes in steps and there is no need to rush.

Hello. I'm listening.

Emotions serve a purpose. When you feel an emotion, acknowledge it and listen to it.

I see you as the one who worries and struggles the most in the family.

I hear you say that things aren't working out.

Life is too expensive and overwhelming.

You didn't get a promotion.

The kids don't take school seriously.

Husband doesn't earn much and doesn't help much.

I hear your heartache and helplessness. Life is hard, but you blame yourself for not being proactive and having a bad temper.

Why are you so hard on yourself?

Why make things hard?

Take a break.

Draw a clear line of responsibility. Take responsibility for yourself and give them back their responsibilities.

Children learn through self-motivation. Keep your mouth shut. Make your child understand that learning is his own business and he should be responsible for his own actions. Tell him the consequences of studying and not studying.

Give your child the right to choose and act.

Involve your husband in things together.

Compliment him at work.

Remember the good old days.

Why did you marry your husband?

What are your husband's good points?

What are the child's strengths?

I hope the best.

Hello! I can especially understand how you feel. After a long day at work, you come home to see the dirty dishes and the unwashed table. The mess makes you angry. You feel helpless and disappointed when you think about your eldest child not studying on his own initiative, your younger child needing your care, your husband not earning much, and your own career not progressing over the past ten years. In this situation, the negative emotions are unbearable. I can see from your description that you are suffering. I give you a big hug and say, "You have worked hard!"

Your unfulfilled wishes and expectations are the root of your negative emotions. You have your own very strong wishes that you want to achieve! For example, you have worked in the company for more than ten years, but you have not been given a chance to advance. This may feel like your self-worth has been denied, but it's time to turn this around! You have the power to change your situation. Your child's studies, housework, your husband, and so much more—these are all aspects of your life that you can project your power onto. When you feel like life is "a mess" and that failure is always around you, remember that you have the power to change your situation. You can achieve your goals and live a fulfilling life!

Ready to banish those negative emotions and live your best life? Here are three awesome tips to get you started!

First, recognize all the amazing things you've done, all the incredible aspects of yourself that are so valuable, and affirm yourself. As a modern woman, you're not only killing it at work, but you're also raising two children! You're a strong, responsible, and inspiring woman.

So, how do you adjust your emotions when you are at the crossroads of career and family? You have to learn to find the "bright spots" and look for one thing every day that makes you happy, and affirm and appreciate yourself. It's an amazing feeling when you do this!

When you have negative emotions, take 10 seconds to calm down and stabilize your emotions before dealing with them. When there are too many things to handle, allow them to exist! For example, if the housework is a bit messy and you are very tired after work, just let things be imperfect and give yourself a break. Take time to rest and relax!

Next, be brave and go for the goals you want to achieve! You'll gain a greater sense of worth in no time. From your description, it can be seen that your self-doubt is fundamentally due to the fact that many of your wishes have not been fulfilled. But you can work hard to achieve your goals! When you have results, your self-confidence will increase, and your sense of meaning and value in life will improve.

Once again, in the family, it's time to straighten out the relationship with your husband and children! Everyone should take responsibility for themselves and realize their value in their own position. Talk to your husband, tell him your thoughts, your concerns, and your expectations of him. Effective communication between husband and wife can help you gain your husband's understanding and support for you at home, in your life, and at work!

Have a chat with your eldest child to get a better understanding of his inner thoughts. Have a good old natter with him about the importance of taking responsibility for your own learning. It's a great way to show him that everyone has their own tasks and things to do, and that it's not easy for his mum!

It's the end of the year again, and I hope you can take some time to rest and reflect on yourself, your husband and children, your family, and your work. When you have a clear idea of what you want and when you have sorted out your thoughts, you will feel more relaxed when you set off again, your life will become more dynamic, and your work will flourish!

I really hope my suggestions will help you! "The world and I love you!"

Dear Questioner, I believe you are in need of an outlet for your emotions. Who can help you by providing a safe space to express your feelings?

The individual in question displays a lack of ability to achieve desired outcomes despite their good intentions, a sense of dissatisfaction with life, and a tendency to be self-critical. This leads to a paucity of positive feedback from the external environment and the imposition of excessive self-imposed limitations. A recent article by Mr. Zeng Qifeng resonated with me profoundly. I highly recommend that the individual in question read it. The article, entitled "Zeng Qifeng, 16 Ways a Person Limits Themselves," identifies one such limitation as complaining.

Mr. Zeng posited that regardless of whether one laments about others or society, it is indicative of arrested personality development, akin to sucking one's thumb. Complaining is a reflexive response that fosters an imbalanced perception of others as omnipotent and oneself as powerless.

Take, for instance, your own assessment. You are a mother of two children and are able to balance work and family. This is a challenging feat. Those who devote the majority of their energy to work are often willing to accept exploitation. It is reasonable that the boss would promote him. I am also a mother of two children. I was unable to adapt to the workplace and, following the failure of a business venture, encountered significant difficulty in securing employment. I persevered until I found a suitable position. I was fortunate to encounter the platform of Yi Xinli, which provided me with an opportunity to utilize my skills. However, it is also possible that I would not have found this platform, and thus would not have been able to utilize my skills.

Do you not raise your children? You are able to work part-time. You can be proud of having worked for the same company for over a decade.

[When we become overly invested in the pursuit of power, we ultimately restrict our own potential for growth and development.]

Mr. Zeng posited that one may "use power to replace the failure of self-control, or bind oneself to others." This dynamic resembles that of a prisoner and a prison guard. The guard may appear to be in a position of authority and autonomy, exerting control over the prisoner. However, in reality, both parties are constrained by their respective roles. The guard, in fact, may be as unfree as the prisoner, and in some instances, may even be more so.

It is evident that the parent exerts considerable influence over the child, whether through urging, nagging, evaluation, or pressure. However, it is crucial to recognize that the adolescent child is an independent individual, undergoing subtle yet significant changes at both the psychological and physical levels. Attempts to control and force compliance through persistent nagging and pushing may inadvertently elicit a sense of resistance and resistance from the child. Furthermore, when the parent experiences a counterattack from the child, it can lead to feelings of depression. It is, therefore, essential to alter the parenting strategy.

It appears that you attribute your difficulties to external factors, such as your child's lack of distinction or intelligence, your family's financial status, and the lack of support from your colleagues. This raises the question: Who or what brings you joy? Given the prevalence of these concerns in your life, it is essential to identify ways to relax and engage in enjoyable activities.

As an adult, it is crucial to assume responsibility for one's own happiness.

[The process of change begins with identifying positive aspects in one's life.]

It is often observed that what is lacking in life is not beauty, but the eyes to see it. The more one focuses on the flaws in people and things, the less perfect they will become, and the more frustrated one will become. Conversely, when one starts to notice the bright spots in people and things, one will become more tolerant and relaxed. If one's financial situation allows (the key is whether one allows oneself to), it is recommended that one engage in long-term psychological counseling. A stable counseling relationship is the most powerful support for transformation.

If financial constraints preclude the pursuit of professional counseling, I recommend that you embark on a course of independent study. The platform offers a plethora of complimentary courses, and a wealth of information on a range of psychological disorders. It is evident that the global community faces a multitude of challenges, and that each family grapples with its own unique set of difficulties. By studying the experiences of others and considering the insights and recommendations provided by various contributors, one can gradually gain insight into their own circumstances.

I am a psychological counselor, Zhang Huili. It is my hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. Should you find it useful, I would be grateful if you would indicate your appreciation by clicking the "like" button.