I am 27 years old, suspecting my mother has depression. Should I take responsibility for her?

Hello, question asker.

I see that your title says you doubt your mother has depression, and you wonder if you are responsible for her. I can assure you that you are not. First, we must learn to take responsibility for ourselves, and then we can care for those around us.

The original poster mentioned that she also has a tendency to be depressed, but gradually discovered that it is caused by her family of origin. She is 27 years old and is beginning to have her own life. She also wants to save herself. Gradually, she discovered that her painful life comes from her mother.

It is certainly true that our original family has a great influence on our character and values. However, this does not mean that we cannot gradually adjust and practice through self-awareness, and become the person we want to be.

It seems that the original poster is now starting to live her own life. However, at this stage, she has discovered that her painful life comes from her mother. I sense that your mother has had a relatively large impact on you.

When she goes to a friend's house at the weekend, she gets angry and says things like she's a failure, can't earn money, can't raise a family, the couple don't get along, the son is unfilial... It's clear that my mother isn't very happy with herself either, as evidenced by her anger when faced with the fact that you're going to a friend's house, and the expression of some rather negative thoughts. In my opinion, these are all signs of insecurity.

It is often the case that the more insecure a person is, the more they want to control.

It might be helpful to consider that the behavior of the original poster's mother is not uncommon. Many mothers have made significant sacrifices for their families in the past and may have limited opportunities for self-exploration and affirmation. Their sense of security can often be derived from the needs and care of those around them. If you're interested in supporting your mother's happiness, it could be beneficial to explore shared interests and activities to identify something she's particularly skilled at or enjoys.

When people feel they have value, they can generate a strong sense of satisfaction and happiness.

I can see that you love your mother very much and that you want her to be happy. However, it might also be helpful to learn to separate issues from one another.

Each of us has our own life's challenges. It may be helpful to consider that taking care of yourself, exploring and pursuing your own sense of worth, and taking responsibility for yourself are your current life's challenges. It might also be helpful to recognize that your mother's separation anxiety in the face of your independence is a problem she needs to face and solve on her own.

You might also find it helpful to search for more information about the topic of separation on the homepage.

In fact, my relationship with my grandmother is quite similar to your relationship with your mother. I also often found myself letting her expectations affect me. But then I came to realize that my grandmother's expectations and disappointments with us are her own business. I have tried to solve the problem from her perspective, but it has been a challenging and frustrating process.

While I share many of her traits, I am aware that I am influenced by them. However, as I gradually accepted myself and made changes, I slowly became my own person.

Now, when I encounter her pain once more, I still hope that she will find happiness, but I will not be as deeply self-blame as I was in the past because I am not in a position to make her happy.

I hope the above information is helpful to you. Thank you for reading!

The questioner is in a satisfactory state of mental health.

The following text is intended as a reference only.

Indeed, individuals are solely accountable for their own actions and obligations.

If the aforementioned description is accurate and the individual in question lacks the capacity to assist themselves,

It is therefore recommended that the individual in question should first utilise their strength and exert themselves in order to facilitate improvement.

Prior to being able to love others, one must first be able to love oneself.

It is therefore recommended that you normalize your life, live it in a healthy manner, and allow yourself to eat and sleep in a normal way.

It is recommended that one engage in regular exercise, maintain an appropriate degree of freedom, and reserve consideration of others for periods when one is in a positive emotional state.

In essence, if one is unable to love and care for oneself, it is questionable whether one possesses the requisite energy and strength to care for others.

In essence, if one is unable to prioritize self-care, it is implausible that one can effectively engage in other forms of caregiving.

Such expectations are unlikely to be met.

It is an endless cycle. One can only improve one's surroundings if one is first in a position of personal improvement.

Once a certain level of comfort has been reached, it may be beneficial to leverage one's own influence to motivate the other party.

To illustrate, if one desires their partner to cease using their mobile phone and engage in external activities,

In such a case, would you be amenable to going for walks with her, inviting her to engage in physical activity with you, or being the one to go out for a walk?

For example, if she is unemployed and lacks social connections, does she engage in any leisure activities?

Or, if one engages in an activity that elicits positive affect and relaxation, and subsequently experiences a shift in perspective, whereby she perceives herself as capable of pursuing a broader range of endeavors and aspirations, and even, just as,

You are unable to provide the requisite care and attention due to competing demands on your time.

In addition, would you be able to accept that she becomes preoccupied with her own activities and is indifferent to your needs?

There is no obligation to provide three meals a day, clothing, food, housing, or transportation.

To illustrate, even though she is not a source of income, do you provide her with sufficient funds to procure whatever she desires and embark on whatever journeys she wishes without concern for the family's financial stability? You may also adopt this approach by leveraging her capabilities and determination to prioritize her own well-being.

At times, the human experience can be paradoxical. There may be a tendency to desire acquisition without a corresponding willingness to contribute.

If one's sole desire is for others to treat them well and to accommodate their every whim when they are annoyed, it is preferable for them to resolve the issues themselves.

In particular, many parents are present in the family unit.

It is my hope that your familial circumstances will not be such that you find yourself reluctant to perform the menial daily tasks that are expected of you, and that your needs are instead met by your mother and father. However, when it comes to moments of autonomy, you find yourself wholly focused on your own needs, and when your parents express their emotional needs, you feel that you lack the time or energy to respond.

It is therefore imperative that, in addition to loving oneself, one should also assume one's responsibilities.

The assumption of responsibility for oneself entails the assumption of responsibility for one's parents and family.

It is important to use both words and actions to express the things and emotions you want for yourself, while also allowing your partner to express and act upon their own desires.

In mutual needs, it is possible to gain mutual understanding and empathy, as well as to identify the heartstrings that matter to each other and cannot be untied. This can facilitate the development of a stronger relationship.

This concludes the presentation.