Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.
I am grateful for the opportunity to help you. From your description, it is clear that your parents have caused you significant emotional and psychological harm. You have experienced verbal abuse, rejection, dislike, and harsh criticism, which has left you with a deep sense of unlove, rejection, fear, anxiety, grievance, anger, helplessness, and powerlessness.
Let me be clear: we cannot choose our family and parents. What we can do is try to accept them better. Accepting ourselves means accepting a terrible family and parents who don't know how to love and even cause us harm.
You can and should tell your parents directly and honestly what they have done to you. Tell them your true inner feelings and needs in that moment. Don't judge their words or actions. Just express your true inner feelings. Make sure they are clearly aware that their words and actions have deeply hurt you.
The reason you can't express your true feelings and needs to your parents is because you've internalized how they treat you. You think you're not good enough and that what you do doesn't meet their expectations. This is because of your instinctive loyalty and love for your parents. You blame yourself for the harm done to you by your parents.
You can heal the part of the trauma you owe to your parents in your original family by actively learning and growing on your own when you have a certain degree of awareness of the trauma your parents caused you during your growth.
You should read "The Original Family," "A Life Not Controlled by Parents," "The Bond of Parents," "We Have All Been Hurt, But We Have a Better Life," and "Overcoming the Mountain in Our Hearts."
I am Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.


Comments
I feel you on so many levels. It's tough being in that situation, especially when home is supposed to be a safe space. Maybe it's time to talk to someone outside the family, like a counselor or a trusted teacher who can offer advice and support.
It sounds incredibly hard. Your feelings are valid; no one should have to go through this. Perhaps finding a way to express yourself through writing or art could help ease some of the tension you're feeling. It's important to take care of your mental health.
The pressure you're under must be overwhelming. It's good that you're looking for ways to change things. Sometimes talking to a family member who might understand or even seeking professional help can open up new paths to resolving these issues.
Home should be a place where you feel loved and supported. I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you thought about reaching out to a relative or an adult you trust? They might be able to mediate or provide guidance on how to approach your parents with your feelings.