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I am a senior high school student. My parents are always verbally attacking me and do not understand what I am thinking.

teenager father's temper domestic chores parent-child relationship pressure of studying
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I am a senior high school student. My parents are always verbally attacking me and do not understand what I am thinking. By Anonymous | Published on December 18, 2024

I am a senior high school student. I am at home during the winter vacation. My father has a terrible temper. Every day, he gets up on his own and yells at me for not being filial. He makes my mother do the laundry at the door. It's embarrassing. Once I lock the door when I go to sleep, my father starts yelling. I am still a girl, and as far as I can remember, my father has never washed a single dish or bought me any clothes. Usually, when my clothes get dirty, he tells me to do the laundry. Once I refuse, he starts verbally attacking me. He makes other people wash the dishes after he eats, and he makes us, his children, collect his laundry after he takes a bath. In Chaoshan, if I ever talk back to my father, it will definitely be a verbal attack. I am really speechless. What did I do wrong? He will always think that he is right, and so does my mother. They are both very strong-willed. They argue from morning till night. At home, I am either on tenterhooks or being yelled at. The book "The Courage to Be Disliked" is about psychology. I found it hard to read and I still can't get away from it. The pressure to study is great, and there are so many school exams, every day and every week. I told my mother that I want to switch to day

Bertie Bertie A total of 6848 people have been helped

Hello! I'm sending you a warm hug from afar.

I am grateful for the opportunity to help you. From your description, it is clear that your parents have caused you significant emotional and psychological harm. You have experienced verbal abuse, rejection, dislike, and harsh criticism, which has left you with a deep sense of unlove, rejection, fear, anxiety, grievance, anger, helplessness, and powerlessness.

Let me be clear: we cannot choose our family and parents. What we can do is try to accept them better. Accepting ourselves means accepting a terrible family and parents who don't know how to love and even cause us harm.

You can and should tell your parents directly and honestly what they have done to you. Tell them your true inner feelings and needs in that moment. Don't judge their words or actions. Just express your true inner feelings. Make sure they are clearly aware that their words and actions have deeply hurt you.

The reason you can't express your true feelings and needs to your parents is because you've internalized how they treat you. You think you're not good enough and that what you do doesn't meet their expectations. This is because of your instinctive loyalty and love for your parents. You blame yourself for the harm done to you by your parents.

You can heal the part of the trauma you owe to your parents in your original family by actively learning and growing on your own when you have a certain degree of awareness of the trauma your parents caused you during your growth.

You should read "The Original Family," "A Life Not Controlled by Parents," "The Bond of Parents," "We Have All Been Hurt, But We Have a Better Life," and "Overcoming the Mountain in Our Hearts."

I am Lily, the little ear of the Q&A Museum. The world and I love you.

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Comments

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Alexander Davis The key to growth is to be willing to step out of our comfort zones and embrace the unknown.

I feel you on so many levels. It's tough being in that situation, especially when home is supposed to be a safe space. Maybe it's time to talk to someone outside the family, like a counselor or a trusted teacher who can offer advice and support.

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Tonya Anderson The more one knows about different musical and literary traditions, the more refined their taste.

It sounds incredibly hard. Your feelings are valid; no one should have to go through this. Perhaps finding a way to express yourself through writing or art could help ease some of the tension you're feeling. It's important to take care of your mental health.

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Cenk Davis Knowledge from different domains combines to create a more complete world - view.

The pressure you're under must be overwhelming. It's good that you're looking for ways to change things. Sometimes talking to a family member who might understand or even seeking professional help can open up new paths to resolving these issues.

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Benedict Miller A well - informed and learned person can contribute more meaningfully to society.

Home should be a place where you feel loved and supported. I'm sorry you're going through this. Have you thought about reaching out to a relative or an adult you trust? They might be able to mediate or provide guidance on how to approach your parents with your feelings.

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