I am always afraid of conflicts with others. What if I don't dare to express myself when something happens?

Hello, friend!

What a wonderful coincidence that I was just chatting with a colleague about this very topic this afternoon, and then I saw your question! It's truly a serendipitous moment. Let me share my insights below and I'm confident you'll find them helpful!

I am also someone who is particularly afraid of conflicts with others. Once I encounter such a situation, I usually just endure it in silence. Even if I am in the right, I don't know how to express it, and in the end, I am always the one who gets hurt. But I'm working on it! Because I work in the field of psychology, when I talked about it with my colleagues today, I also looked inward carefully and found the following specific situations:

First, this is how parents in the original family educate themselves. They emphasize that it is better to avoid trouble than to stir it up. In fact, many family parents are very approachable. They always value harmony and talk about making a profit through harmony.

When there are differences of opinion with others, or when there are interactions of interests, it is better to sacrifice a little bit than to embarrass the other person. So, slowly but surely, the whole family will develop this kind of character!

Secondly, those of us who are often overlooked at home need to make concessions and compromises. This is also very common, especially in patriarchal families, where boys are the apple of their parents' eyes and girls are not well-received, excluded from everything, and dare not express their own thoughts because no one will care. In order to survive, they must be sensible and may have to bear a lot that they should not bear. But they can also thrive!

In this context, we have the opportunity to grow and evolve. We can choose to embrace our inner strength and communicate effectively, even in the face of conflict. We can recognize that we are not alone and that there are others who support us. We can choose to be the stronger, more confident party in any situation. We can choose to break free from the cycle of learned helplessness and take control of our lives.

Third: At home, I'm a feisty one, fighting for what I want and expressing my opinions. But when I'm in an unfamiliar environment outside, I still have reservations and become cautious. I myself am a combination of the first and third. My parents taught me from a young age not to get into conflicts with others, and when I entered society later, the fear of unfamiliar environments made me cautious in everything I did, especially when I worked outside the city. I basically didn't dare to express my needs, and I compromised on everything. It was very frustrating, but it made me stronger!

When talking about this kind of thing today, I also find it difficult to make changes. After all, years of life experience and character habits have created the person I am. But in fact, I have also been making efforts. For example, last time, regarding the salary at my job, through negotiation with my colleagues, I took the step and bravely negotiated with my leader, and the final result was also good! I defended my rights, and it was a great experience. So I found that many people are still very reasonable, as long as we communicate calmly, there will always be a good solution.

And now, I'd like to leave you with this inspiring Chinese saying: "A kind person is bullied, a horse that is well-trained is ridden."

Being too kind is also being irresponsible to yourself. After all, we are always taking care of other people's feelings, but only hurting ourselves. It's not quite right. But don't worry! I just hope that you can bravely express your needs in a safe and inclusive environment, give yourself a round of applause and a thumbs-up. I can, and I deserve better, can't I?

The world and I love you!

Good day, question asker. I can see the confusion you are facing right now. Please accept my best regards.

You are experiencing some interpersonal challenges. Please accept my sincere condolences.

Please explain why you are reluctant to engage in conflict with other individuals.

There are two potential explanations.

One possibility is related to your upbringing in your original family.

It is possible that during your upbringing, you were consistently advised by your parents to maintain harmonious relationships with others.

Therefore, your subconscious mind will indicate that conflict with others is inadvisable.

Another possibility is that you have had a negative experience when expressing your genuine opinions to others.

As previously noted, you have experienced verbal abuse from others.

This may have resulted in a certain degree of psychological distress.

As a result, you are reluctant to express your true thoughts to others again.

It is advisable to express your thoughts and feelings as soon as possible to avoid further hurt.

This is a natural self-defense mechanism that the body has developed over time.

In such a case, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of a qualified professional counselor.

The consultant is better equipped to adopt a third-party perspective, maintain a non-judgmental outlook, and adopt an objective attitude, thereby providing the questioner with more pertinent, useful, and constructive advice.

I hope that the issue you are currently experiencing can be resolved as soon as possible.

I have nothing further to offer at this time.

I hope my above response is both helpful and inspiring. As the respondent, I am committed to studying hard every day.

At Yixinli, we extend our best wishes to you and the world.

Hello, I'm Jiang 61.

First of all, thank you for trusting us and being willing to tell us about your worries and seek help. You said, "I'm always afraid of conflicts with others. What if I'm afraid to express myself in an emergency?"

We can see what the problem is and how you deal with your emotions. Let's start with an analysis.

1. Dealing with conflict

1. Coping Methods

For instance, if someone stands too close to me or next to me in line for a nucleic acid test, or if someone on an electric bicycle suddenly and quickly rides in front of me and laughs, I hate this kind of behavior, but I don't say anything. I'm afraid of conflict with the other person, of being hurt, and of being ridiculed by others.

You're basically making things worse for yourself.

From what you've told us, it seems like you tend to avoid and back down when faced with conflicts and contradictions. This can help you avoid further harm, but it also leaves you feeling aggrieved and resentful.

You're actually a people-pleaser.

You're the type who always tries to please others.

People who are pleasing are so focused on making others happy that they neglect their own needs. It's an unhealthy way of thinking. The essence of pleasing is that others are more important than I am. I only feel safe and loved if I make others comfortable.

People who are pleasing ignore themselves and have a low sense of inner worth. They often say things like "It's all my fault" and "I want to make you happy."

You're overly kind and used to apologizing and begging.

2. Harm

I've tried to be kind to people who don't queue in an orderly manner and ask them to stand further back, but they insulted me instead. I really want to change this situation.

You said you hope they'll follow the rules and act kindly, but you were verbally abused by the other party. You want to change this situation because you've been bullied for a long time and you want to express your anger.

Expect

You

It seems like you're expecting them to keep things orderly during this unusual period and to not harm anyone or you through their actions.

You're hoping they'll change their ways and act the way you want them to.

The other person

After you gave them your advice, they didn't change their behavior. Instead, they verbally attacked you and abused you, which made you feel angry and hurt. It seems like they're a responsibility-oriented person.

People who are accusatory often ignore others, are used to attacking and criticizing, and blame others for things. They often say things like, "It's all your fault," or "What's wrong with you?"

If we look at what's going on underneath it all, the person who's being accusatory usually feels blamed, alone, and defeated. But they prefer to isolate themselves and maintain their authority. So when you make a comment, the other person doesn't feel your goodwill; they feel your accusation.

So they resort to scolding you to maintain their sense of authority.

People who communicate in an accusatory manner are lonely, timid, and afraid of failure. They treat others in an accusatory and aggressive manner because they're afraid of exposing their failures to the outside world. They think they can establish their own value by attacking others.

First, anger might make those around you feel afraid, which makes them comply. Over time, though, it might make the person being accused suppress too much anger, which could lead to an explosion. Or they might learn this accusatory communication pattern, and both sides will continue to accuse each other, making communication full of violence and ineffective.

We've got a bit of a conflict here.

It's obvious that your expectations and their response to them have hit a snag emotionally. That's what conflict is all about: misunderstanding and poor communication.

Conflict also shows if there's been a breach of boundaries, and it's usually about protecting one's own interests.

2. Fear of conflict

1. Reason

You're still haunted by that fear.

After the incident in the queue, you were humiliated by the other party and couldn't fight back. You felt aggrieved, angry, and unfair, and at the same time felt ashamed and blamed yourself for your own behavior. You couldn't fight back. Even when various things happened later, you would unconsciously associate them with what happened that day, and you were afraid of such incidents recurring. So, you responded to other people's provocations by avoiding them.

The way you were brought up

Your reaction isn't just a random response to the lineup incident. It's a response to a similar experience you've had before, which has made you worry that something worse will happen.

Similar things that happened are related to your upbringing. In other words, the way you grew up in your family of origin has shaped your current way of behaving.

I think you were a people-pleaser in your original family, while your parents were probably duty-oriented. You usually ended up getting criticized by your parents. You were unable to express your own views and could only use pleasing forms to avoid things happening or extending.

2. Feelings don't matter.

Your long-term living environment has caused you to always keep your feelings to yourself. You've given up your own expectations for a long time now and have been trying to meet your parents' expectations instead, so that you feel safe.

So, when there's a conflict between what you expect and how others feel, your first instinct is to give in and make them happy. But this only makes you feel worse. You're actually hurting yourself by keeping your feelings bottled up. It's hard to bear the frustration of holding on to your grievances. You want to express them right away.

3. Change

Once you've taken a good look at the reasons behind your personality and behavior, you can see your own internal desires, expectations, opinions, and feelings, and understand why you're feeling a certain way and what's driving your behavior. So how do you do it so that you feel comfortable and not hurt?

1. Coping Methods

It's worth noting that there's no one-size-fits-all approach to conflict resolution. Once someone who's always trying to please others has identified a strategy that works for them, they can also easily solve their own problems.

One of the main reasons for conflict is a lack of agreement on how to deal with it and communicate with each other. Basically, what you say to someone and what they hear are often two different things, which can lead to conflict.

2. Face your emotions

It's important to accept your emotions.

When you respond inconsistently, it creates negative feelings in your mind. This makes you feel angry, aggrieved, and unequal. The good news is that you can overcome this by learning to perceive and accept your inner feelings. This will help you communicate consistently when you are calm.

It's important to recognize that feelings are just feelings.

It's not unusual for emotions to be triggered by feelings. This can happen when we form an opinion about what's happened. For example, after seeing that you were being abused, you were afraid to deal with it directly. You had thoughts of your own incompetence, and you became aggrieved, angry, and resentful.

Find out why you're feeling this way and don't try to avoid or ignore it. Instead, accept your current situation and all your feelings, good and bad, and work through them.

It's important to be aware of your inner needs.

Take another look at your inner needs and expectations, including those you have for yourself and others. See if there are any needs you haven't discovered yet, like the forgotten or lost self.

Embrace your inner desires.

It's important to discover new needs and desires and to hope that you'll be understood, accepted, and seen.

Finding oneself

You've finally found yourself, allowing the vitality, spirit, and spirituality of your own self after the balance between the ego and the super to come into play. This means you can now face the things happening around you without hesitation or wavering.

3. Learn to communicate consistently.

Learn to communicate with others, improve your relationships with them, and deal with things that happen to you using consistent, honest communication.

When you communicate with someone, your words and actions should match your feelings. In other words, you should be consistent. This way, you show respect to the other person and to the situation.

People who use this model have a good sense of what they want to say and how they want to say it. They're in tune with themselves and have a balanced outlook. They're confident and self-assured. Common language patterns for learning consistent communication:

When you...

Describe the situation as it is, without getting into accusations or emotions.

I feel...

Be clear about your current feelings and emotions.

I hope we can...

Be clear about what you want the other person to do and what you need from them. Make sure the expectation is quantifiable, enforceable, and visible.

I think...

Describe what you're looking for in terms of what's good.

When you're communicating with others, try to avoid judging their behavior, accusing them, or telling them what to do. Instead, focus on expressing your feelings about the situation. This feeling comes from your heart and is consistent with your emotions. Let the other person feel your mood and emotions, and share the same feelings as you.

Next, tell him what you hope for and that you believe the situation will work out well.

Once you've expressed yourself, the other person's expression—which might be neutral, blaming, or anything in between—won't be as impactful. If the other person still blames you, that's okay. Just adjust and remind yourself that you understand their emotions. If they can express what they want, great! It shows they understand you and empathize with you, and their emotions will ease. If they can't express their emotions, tell yourself, "I'm not going along with your emotions. I'm leaving the scene or stopping the conversation."

Unexpected situations will come up in communication. Learn to handle them flexibly and keep your emotions in check.

4. Deliberate practice

Practice is also key to consistent communication. It helps you imprint this mode of communication in your mind and make it a habit, so you can use it with ease.

I truly believe that after learning to deal with conflicts, detect the source of emotions, and practice consistent communication, your pleasing personality will undergo a fundamental change. You'll no longer be afraid to express yourself.

The key is to believe in your ability to change your current situation, be bold in your practice, and practice deliberately. You'll get great results.

I wish you the best of luck!

Hello! I read your question carefully and thought about it for a long time.

It's like there's a sweet little fawn in front of you. It's afraid of being hurt by others, so it doesn't show how it feels. It just "swallows its teeth and blood," puts up with it, and keeps it inside.

I can imagine it's really tough to have all that anger and dissatisfaction inside you that you can't express or let go of. It's like the water in a pot that's boiled over, but the lid's stuck. The boiling water just keeps boiling over in the pot.

I'm here for you, and I'd love to give you a hug from afar if that would make you feel better.

The wonderful Sigmund Freud, the founder of psychoanalysis, believed that there were four forces that drive human existence and activity: libido (sexual energy), aggression, attachment, and narcissism.

Just as a car needs gasoline to run, every living thing is inherently aggressive. This is one of the energies that drives people to live.

It's totally understandable to be afraid of conflict and to feel like you can't express your anger and dissatisfaction. It's like you're holding back a part of yourself that you're not sure is acceptable to show.

It's so hard to let go of that anger and frustration when you feel like you can't express it. It can feel like it's just boiling up inside you, and it's so important to remember that it's okay to feel that way. We all have these feelings, and it's not your fault. It's just a part of being human. When you can't let it out, it can end up hurting you. It can make you feel guilty or blame yourself for things that aren't your fault. It can even lead to depression or anxiety. It

If you keep your anger inside for too long, it can eventually come out in a big way. And when it does, it can have some pretty negative consequences.

So, a Chinese psychologist kindly suggests, "Keep your anger at a simmer."

I really think you should try to muster up the courage to speak your mind and do what you want to do when something happens. It's so important to trust your inner feelings and not suppress yourself.

As long as you don't hurt anyone or break the law, it's totally okay to express your anger.

British psychoanalytic object-relations theorist Melanie Klein said something really interesting. She said that when a child comes from the warmth of the womb into a world of storms and rain, it's like creating something new. And it can cause anxiety and fear in the baby.

It's also important to remember that if parents don't raise their children in the right way, these feelings can stay with us for a long time. They can even come back when we least expect it, and can have a big impact on our lives.

It's totally normal to feel anxious or afraid sometimes. To help you stay calm and clear-headed, it's good to be in relationships, come from relationships, and go to relationships.

Of course, this is something that takes time and is a natural part of growing up.

I hope you find the strength and courage you need above.

I love you, world! And I love you too!

Good day, question asker. My name is Jia Ao, and I am not here to cause any trouble.

It is evident that you are experiencing difficulties in your interpersonal relationships and communication. You have indicated that during your daily interactions, you encounter frustrating behavior or conflicts, and you are hesitant to confront others. Additionally, you are reluctant to express yourself when faced with negative situations, and you are motivated to address this issue but are unsure of the best approach.

If you are fearful of conflict and reluctant to express your views when issues arise, how should you proceed?

?Identify and prioritize your issues.

Do not penalize yourself for the actions of others.

From your description, you appear to be a law-abiding citizen with a good sense of social morality. You would never engage in disruptive behavior such as cutting in line or standing too close when getting your nucleic acid tested. However, you may find it challenging to respond when others disrupt public order. When others behave in an uncivilized manner, you may be hesitant to confront them, let alone stop them or speak up. I want to reassure you that you are doing a commendable job. You have not done anything wrong. There is no need to let other people's mistakes affect your own mood. It is not uncommon for individuals to be affected by the actions of others, but you have the ability to be the best version of yourself. Do not punish yourself for other people's mistakes.

It is important to fight for your legitimate rights and interests.

It is important to take care of your emotions and feelings while also learning to advocate for yourself and protect your legitimate rights and interests. It is not advisable to be timid or afraid. Everyone is equal, and it is not necessary to be overly tolerant. There is a limit to how tolerant you can be. Your tolerance may be misinterpreted as weakness. It may be helpful to express your emotions on occasion. Do your part well. "If people don't offend me, I won't offend them; if people offend me, I will definitely offend them." There is no need to engage in unnecessary discussions.

It is important to maintain a calm and collected mindset.

When you encounter a similar situation in the future, try not to be discouraged. Remain calm and rational, and do your best to face the unknown risks. Don't worry or be afraid that something will go wrong. It won't. Take a moment to calm down so that you can think of a good strategy, and don't just let your negative emotions take over. Focus on seeking a reasonable explanation and don't worry about other problems. This is a result of your own hard work, and you will slowly cultivate this ability in the future.

It is important to develop a strong mentality in order to navigate challenges effectively.

Your apprehension about engaging in conflict with others stems from a perceived lack of inner strength. You feel overwhelmed by the opposing party's assertiveness and perceived power. To confront them with confidence, it's essential to bolster your inner fortitude, self-assurance, and a clear, assertive stance. You have the right to express your opinions and views in a reasonable manner. To resolve conflicts, you must be prepared to engage in constructive confrontation. Refusing to back down if you are not in the wrong is crucial. Don't let fear hold you back. Strength and assertiveness are essential for achieving resolution.

Maintain your position with resolve.

It is important to clarify your needs, be clear about your rights and demands, and express your opinions with confidence when refuted. Asking the other person to clearly explain the cause of the conflict is also a valuable strategy. Remaining calm, focusing on the issue at hand, and avoiding personal attacks indiscriminately will help you navigate these situations with greater confidence in the future.

I hope this information is helpful. Best regards, [Name]