I am an unmarried male approaching 40 years old and desperately want to have children. What are some good suggestions?

Hello!

I'm so happy to answer your question!

I think the original poster's question can be approached in two different ways, which I'll explain below.

The first thing to consider is how to satisfy the desire to reproduce. This is the driving force we call the desire to pass on something. It can manifest in many ways, but at its core, it's about leaving some imprints related to oneself in the world. In other words, it's about having a sense of existence. Whether it's spiritual or material, taking care of children means taking care of the children themselves. At this time, your own existence will have a great impact on the children, and your sense of value at this time is higher than that of many other things. Connecting with children is also a great way to engage with society.

It seems like the original poster might have been looking for a more pure emotional connection in their relationships recently.

The second option could be a natural extension of the first, or it might offer a different perspective. The host mentioned that they really enjoy spending time with children. This could be a sign that they're subconsciously seeking an intimate connection, even if having a child isn't necessarily their top priority.

First of all, for the original poster, who has not yet married, there may be some considerations for the establishment of a long-term intimate relationship. There may be many reasons for this, but every person at every stage of life has a task that needs focused attention. In the original poster's current stage, the previous stage is to develop a sense of intimacy, that is, to establish an intimate relationship. And if the task of a stage is not completed, it will be carried into the next stage, and at the same time, it will also affect oneself together with the task of the current stage. But don't worry! The result is not good or bad, it's just a natural part of life.

So, it seems like the poster most likely doesn't want a child, but rather a stable and pure relationship. Perhaps something like a sincere and intimate relationship?

There are so many solutions out there, but they all revolve around socializing. The most direct one is to take care of children, but it can only temporarily alleviate the feeling of loneliness within yourself. The best thing you can do is to establish a sincere and stable intimate relationship.

I really hope my answer helps!

I hope you have the best life possible!

Hi there!

It's understandable to think that at 40 and unmarried, especially wanting a child in the past two years, could this mean that getting married or wanting a child hadn't crossed your mind before? We know our needs change as we go through different stages of life.

For instance, the typical progression is from school to an independent social life. Once we've achieved a certain level of stability and our minds are relatively calm, we start thinking about new goals for the next stage and searching for a new meaning in life. So, is the questioner, who is approaching 40, looking for a fresh start and hoping to find a new meaning in life through having a child?

Of course, loneliness and isolation are also needs of people today who long for deep intimacy. Having a child, as in a parent-child relationship, may help to dispel loneliness and satisfy the need for companionship.

The questioner's question also reminds me of a friend's wish. She had just graduated, but she wasn't looking for a stable job with promotion and pay raises. She wanted to have a child, and marriage seemed to be of no importance to her. This was a break with the conventional order, but after hearing the reason, I gradually came to understand. It was because she had always lived in an environment where her mother raised her alone. It wasn't a single-parent family, but her father worked in a different place and was almost never around.

She's always lived with a lack of stability and security. When she went to university, her mother left her dad and went back to work, which made her feel even more insecure. She'd been thinking about this for a while and after graduating and moving out, she suddenly thought that having a child would make her really happy.

The child at this time is looking for ways to feel safe and loved. By communicating with others, she learns that taking care of the child and allowing the child to grow up happily will be regarded as a continuation of her sense of value and the meaning of life.

So, an inner desire might be connected to past experiences, as well as your life and social environment. You can understand your true inner needs and see what a child means to you at this time and what kind of emotional meaning it can bring.

So, wanting a child is a normal and reasonable thing to want, but we need to understand ourselves better to make it happen.

I don't have a child in my life right now, and I don't have the chance to have one. This way of thinking is getting stronger and stronger. Do you think it's because I'm getting older?

Any good suggestions or methods?

How you achieve your goal will depend on your specific needs. For instance, if you're open to marriage, it's a great way to add a new family member. If you're interested in marriage but struggling to find a suitable partner, or if your main goal is to spend more time with your child, there are other options. You could consider adoption, social child welfare work, or even training to become a child teacher or working in a related field. These are just a few examples. The key is to find ways to interact with your child that bring you joy and give your life meaning.

However, sometimes "children" can also be a way to escape stress, which is also a [psychological defense mechanism]. If this is the case, it's even more important to be aware of your inner self and pay attention to your emotions and feelings. When your inner self is stable and you can take on the responsibility of a child, your wishes can be better realized!

I hope these answers are helpful for you.

Wishing you the best!

From your description, I have a question. Do we want to have our own children and raise them, or are we simply interested in children, regardless of their biological relationship to us?

The following are a few personal suggestions that I believe are worthy of consideration. They are based on my perspective as a woman and a child from a family with a disadvantaged background. I recognize that they may not align with the preferences of men. You are free to evaluate them and decide whether to adopt them or not.

The initial stage is the decision to have a child. I can provide an example of a conversation I once had with my father. Previously, he consistently encouraged me to marry, believing that "a woman cannot live her life without getting married and having children." Subsequently, his perspective shifted, and he no longer viewed marriage and childbearing as urgent.

He believes that "having children is a form of inheritance and continuation, a necessity for humans." This sentiment is shared by both women and men alike with regard to "continuing the family line."

In response, it can be said that the reluctance of young women to have children in the modern era is not necessarily a reflection of a dislike of children, but rather a result of the perceived responsibility that comes with parenthood. Both the mother and the father of the child must be prepared to shoulder this responsibility. However, it is often observed that the majority of men do not possess this sense of responsibility, which subsequently leads to the decision of many young women to opt out of having children. Consequently, men tend to avoid the complexities of marriage and the emotional commitment that it entails.

The decision to have children is not based on novelty. It is not sufficient to have a current desire to have children, whether that desire is based on seeing cute children or feeling an overwhelming sense of maternal love. Rather, the decision to have children is based on a long-term commitment to the role of parent. This commitment should be in place for at least 30 years, as having children is a lifelong responsibility.

It is important to note that while everyone has a natural inclination towards nurturing and caregiving, this is not the fundamental reason for "having children." Children have lives and independent personalities, and as such, require a certain level of responsibility and care. This year, they may require a certain level of care and attention, but twenty years from now, they will still require the same level of care and attention. It is essential to refine this natural inclination to ensure consistency and reliability.

It is important to note that children have their own independent consciousness. It is not the case that if adults direct a child to "come here, child, play with mommy and daddy for a while," the child will be equally willing. In such a case, it is essential to respect the child's thoughts. If the child does not want to play with the parents and wants to play by itself, but the parents really want to, it is necessary to "let go" and be "free." If this is not possible, it is unlikely that the basic standard of "being able to have children" will be met.

This section has thus far addressed the wishes and human rights of the child. It is also important for men to consider the issue of having their own children, as this is a right unique to women.

We are not here to criticize the rationale behind marriage, which is often perceived as a means of "treating women as a reproductive tool." It is understandable that some individuals may be amenable to being "chosen" in this manner. Ultimately, it is a matter of personal preference. As long as both parties are in agreement, then marriage and reproductive freedom are both acceptable.

In the event that a man and a woman enter into a marriage and subsequently discuss the topic of having children, it is important to ensure that the woman is treated with basic respect. This can be illustrated by the following example: if a woman becomes pregnant and decides to have an abortion, she will likely seek the opinion of the father of the child. Despite the fact that he does not possess the legal authority to make the decision, the woman will often choose to discuss it with him out of respect.

The initial step in the process of having a child is to be sincere with your partner and with the child, whether biological or not.

Once you are ready to have your own child, the process is straightforward: simply get married and have a baby.

You may wish to consider consulting matchmaking channels, dating agencies or matchmaking corners, as well as introductions from family and friends. It would be advisable to first establish your views on choosing a spouse and on marriage, and then choose and get along according to your own standards for choosing a spouse.

It should be noted that this solution is not a quick one (except for a shotgun marriage), and it will take time to settle down and figure things out. There is no guarantee that it will have a perfect outcome or result.

The second option is a short-term hobby, and there is no requirement for biological ties.

This option allows you to explore a wider range of possibilities. You can pursue a career path such as teaching (while also seeking part-time employment during the summer), work in an amusement park, or engage in volunteer work with orphaned children.

It is possible to generate income while spending time with children. Should remuneration be a primary objective, it would be advisable to enquire about volunteering opportunities.

The second option is to adopt a child from a second marriage or on your own.

The second option is to have a child from a second marriage or adopt one. This is not significantly different from the first option. Regardless of whether the biological father or stepfather is involved, both figures must treat the child with care and respect. The key distinction is the speed with which this transition occurs.

Adoption is an option. However, the rules for adopting a child as a man will be stricter and more complicated. The age difference must be at least 40 years old (regardless of the gender of the child). Once the physical and financial requirements are met, a child can be adopted. This is similar to the responsibilities of a biological father or stepfather. After adoption, the child is considered your own and you must take responsibility as a father.

The third method is an alternative means of fulfilling your desire without the responsibilities of work or fatherhood.

You may wish to consider visiting the hospital, the neonatal department, or the children's department, as well as parks, playgrounds, and other locations with a high concentration of children. If you would like to participate, you may find it beneficial to dress more gently and lower your posture (in a literal sense, such as by crouching). Children are often willing to interact with kind adults.

It is advisable to obtain your parents' permission, as a young male may be perceived as a negative influence. It is also important to maintain a professional manner and approach.

The optimal solution is to engage in play with the children of your neighbors in the community. Given that everyone resides in the same community and is aware of your character, it is important to exercise discretion.

If, after trying all of the aforementioned methods, the issue remains unresolved or unalleviated, and if you still wish to proceed with having a child, you may wish to consider seeking the guidance of a qualified psychological counselor. This can assist you in regulating your emotions and state of mind in a way that does not impinge upon your daily routine.

Hello! I can totally feel your conflict and confusion from your description.

I'm a psychological counselor, and I'm thrilled to share my insights from a psychological perspective.

I'm a 40-year-old man who has never married or had children. Over the past two years, I've developed a strong fondness for children. I'm especially eager to have a child of my own to raise!

Spending time with children seems like it would be especially wonderful, but I don't have any children around me, and I don't have the opportunity to do so. Now this feeling is getting stronger and stronger. I would love to know if this is because I'm getting older.

I'd love to hear your advice and methods!

First, understand yourself! What are your character traits?

I'd love to hear more about your relationship with your parents when you were growing up! And I'm really interested in your views on intimacy in a marriage.

What an amazing opportunity to explore the unconscious content behind wanting to adopt a child at the age of 40 and grow and accompany the child together! These are all things that require self-awareness and reflection. You can also seek professional psychological counseling to explore what the unconscious conflicts behind these strong needs are, to better understand yourself and thus better adjust yourself.

Second, accept yourself! Have you experienced intimacy and been hurt?

From a psychological perspective, adopting a young child is an amazing opportunity to project your inner self. You get to take better care of the child inside you, and what has he been through? What do you expect to achieve from spending time with your child?

How do you solve problems when you encounter conflicts and contradictions? Do you repress them? Absolutely not!

Avoid? Or you can express your inner feelings, talk about them, and explore yourself. These are all your own fixed patterns, and you need to learn to accept yourself. Through learning, communication, and interaction, you can better handle interpersonal relationships and intimate relationships. Because spending time with a child means you have the incredible opportunity to take care of them, give to them, and feel that you have the ability to achieve self-realization. This is more of a subjective feeling, but you also need to connect with objective reality to achieve internal self-identity integration, so that you can better do the things you want to do!

Third, learn to love yourself! If you don't enter into a marital relationship (the role of a loving partner) and don't feel the continuation of your own life (as a father), how do you plan to accompany the growth of an adopted child?

Have you shared these plans with your family and close friends? Because the role of a father also requires commitment, it's time to start paying attention to your inner feelings, cultivate your heart, and improve your ability to empathize! This will help you become committed, create a harmonious and intimate family atmosphere, love the people you love, and do the things you want to do better.

The world and I love you! You can do this. Learn to love yourself, understand yourself, accept yourself, and then love others. Become a strong and stable person inside. You can do it!