I am having difficulty communicating with my partner and we are seeing each other less and less. What should I do?

The questioner inquires as to the nature of the relationship between two individuals, noting a decline in communication and interaction. This has led to feelings of powerlessness.

"First and foremost, I would like to commend you for your keen awareness of the estrangement in your relationship with your partner. Awareness is the initial step in the process of change. Given that you have already become aware of this situation in your relationship and are seeking ways and suggestions for change, I believe that your relationship will undoubtedly move closer.

Let us examine your query in greater detail.

You indicate that you and your partner have been in less frequent contact over the past six months. Initially, you were able to see each other every weekend, engage in shopping activities, and have dinner together. However, as you both became increasingly occupied with work, the frequency of your interactions declined. You now see each other once every two weeks, then once a month, and have not seen each other for two months.

The frequency of communication has also diminished. Previously, they could still converse on the telephone in the evenings. This gradually evolved into WeChat chats. Currently, they rarely engage in WeChat conversations, and the only messages they exchange throughout the day are "I'm busy" and "goodnight." They have engaged in disagreements about this, and you feel that you lack comprehension of his daily activities.

Despite sending repeated messages, it often takes hours to receive a brief reply. It is unclear how long this state of affairs will persist. How can the two of you move forward? He inquires, "What do you want to do? You're both exhausted. Can't you stop making things difficult for each other?" You are unable to respond. You feel powerless in this situation. What is the appropriate course of action? Should you end the relationship?

One is uncertain as to the optimal course of action. It is challenging to determine a direction forward. Suspicions persist daily. The desire to identify a path forward is strong. What is the best approach? How should one proceed?

The question thus arises as to whether it would be preferable to reconcile or to terminate the relationship.

The renowned psychologist Alfred Adler put forth a conceptual framework comprising three primary domains of human experience: work, friendship, and love.

In Adler's conceptualization of the three major life issues, work, friendship, and love represent the core concerns that shape an individual's life trajectory. These three issues are pervasive, emerging at the moment of birth and persisting throughout an individual's lifespan. The experience of love, in particular, begins at the moment of conception and continues throughout the life cycle, with parents serving as the primary source of nurturance and care.

As the individual matures, they will encounter new individuals with whom they may form friendships. At this stage, they will have the opportunity to explore the topic of friendship. Subsequently, when they become adults and enter the workforce, they will need to learn to work independently, and they will have the opportunity to engage with the topic of work.

However, when he fell in love and got married, he may have had to confront a new challenge: choosing the person he fell in love with and married. In the modern era, society is developing rapidly, and the speed at which people get to know each other and establish relationships has also accelerated. While a relationship between lovers is relatively easy to establish, maintaining it requires a significant investment of effort from both parties.

Given that you and your partner have both commenced employment, it may be assumed that the issue of work has been resolved. It seems reasonable to posit that the problem of forming friendships has also been overcome, and that the issue of romantic attachment may now require attention. While reading your question,

It appears that you and your partner are engaged in a long-distance relationship. In such a situation, it may be beneficial to consider the following:

1. Is it feasible for you both to secure employment in the same city? If not, do you intend to maintain your current living arrangements?

The two of you still have plans to live in the same city, but have not yet achieved this goal.

2. Will you two be getting married, or will you simply be remaining in a relationship indefinitely?

Should you opt to wed, you may wish to plan your nuptials in unison and work towards this objective collectively.

The attachment model theory was proposed by psychologist John Bowlby.

John Bowlby posited that each individual's attachment style is distinct and that romantic relationships may be conceptualized as attachment relationships. Adult attachment patterns encompass four categories: secure, worried, detached, and fearful.

Individuals who feel secure in a relationship are comfortable with the idea of mutual dependence and are optimistic and outgoing, willing to participate in social activities. Those who worry excessively are constantly on high alert about their relationships with others. They desire close relationships but become jealous when their intimate partner is involved with other people. Individuals who are detached rely on themselves and are not particularly interested in close relationships. They often appear cold and independent. Those who are fearful are constantly worried about being rejected and cannot trust others. At the same time, they do not trust themselves and are suspicious and shy. In your intimate relationship with your partner, it seems that his attachment pattern is avoidant. He may believe that you have been in a relationship for a while and that it is safe and stable. You are his girlfriend, and in the future you may be his wife. However, when the relationship becomes distant and you feel insecure, you take the initiative to bring it up, and he does not solve the problem. This seems to be an avoidance of the problem.

Furthermore, your attachment pattern appears to be characterized by anxiety. It is possible that you have become accustomed to frequent contact during your passionate love affair, which may have contributed to your difficulty in adapting to the subsequent indifference. This could explain the negative emotions you are currently experiencing, including anxiety, worry, and unease. It is plausible that these emotions are related to your attachment pattern.

It is recommended that individuals pay more attention to themselves, as this will result in an increased sense of security.

The adage "some people use their childhood to heal their whole life, while others use their whole life to heal their childhood" illustrates the profound impact of early experiences on adult attachment patterns. The quality of parenting styles, particularly in the early stages of life, can shape an individual's perception of the world as a safe or unsafe place. If a newborn's needs are consistently met with promptness and care, they may internalize a sense of security. Conversely, if a baby is frequently deprived of their needs or provided with items that do not align with their genuine desires, they may develop an apprehension about the world's reliability.

Given the lack of adequate security received during childhood, it is possible to provide oneself with sufficient security as an adult. One method of doing so is to direct greater attention toward oneself, one's inner needs, one's interests and hobbies, the type of work one genuinely enjoys, and whether one is currently engaged in work that aligns with one's preferences.

It is possible that a sense of security may be restored through such an endeavour. In the event that an individual is unable to focus on themselves, they may seek the guidance of a counselor to establish a professional and stable relationship, thereby fostering a sense of security within that relationship.

I extend my best wishes to the questioner and hope that my response is beneficial to them. The world and I send our love to you!

Hello there!

After reading your story, I totally get where you're coming from! It seems like the main issue here is the lack of communication, which is really frustrating when you can't meet up at the right time.

It's totally understandable that the boyfriend's attitude of "if it's done, don't make things difficult for each other" might come across as a bit cold, both in attitude and feelings. This is also why the questioner, who has always lacked a sense of security in the relationship, has found it even more difficult to capture the other person's thoughts and feel more insecure, which has led to many doubts.

So, how should we view and deal with problems caused by "distance"?

1. "The love is not as intense as it could be." There is not much attention or interaction between the two of you, which is totally normal!

My boyfriend and I have been seeing each other less and less over the past six months. At first, we could meet up every weekend to go shopping or have dinner, but then we both got busy with work and started seeing each other once every two weeks, then once a month, and now we haven't seen each other for two months.

It's so sad to see how communication has become less frequent. Before, they could still talk on the phone in the evenings, and then it gradually became WeChat chats. Now, they rarely speak on WeChat, and the only things they say all day are "busy" and "goodnight."

From this paragraph, it seems like there's been a lack of passion between the two of them from the start. It seems like the boyfriend isn't as invested in the relationship as he could be. Typically, when you're in love, you feel a lot of passion, which makes it easier to feel close to each other. When you're in this intense passion period, you tend to focus on your partner's strengths and overlook their weaknesses. This can make feelings grow quickly. However, it seems like the boyfriend's approach is a bit too rational or bland, which might be why the questioner has always lacked confidence in the relationship.

2. Try to see the other person's true demands and judge the crux of the problem in a fair and reasonable way.

We've had some disagreements about this, and I feel like I don't know him at all anymore. I don't know what he does every day, and even when I send him a message, it can take hours for him to reply with just a few words. I'm not sure how long this state of affairs will last. How will the two of us continue moving forward? He just asks me, "So what do you want to do? We're both so tired, can't we just stop making things difficult for each other?"

I'm also at a loss for words. I feel so powerless in this situation. What should I do? Should we break up? I don't know... It's so hard... Every day I'm still suspicious... I'm here for you if you want to talk.

So, how can you tell if you're in a high-sugar relationship? Well, it's pretty simple! Just look to see if both parties have enough love. That is, check to see if the level of energy invested and the level of commitment are high. The answer will soon become clear! Now, we all know that life gets busy. We've all got a million and one things to do! But, if you're in a relationship, it's important to make time for your partner. After all, love is not just about material satisfaction. It's also about emotional companionship and support. So, if you're too busy to make time for your partner, it might be time to rethink things. But, even if you're super busy, there are still ways you can show your partner you care. For example, during mealtimes or trips to the bathroom, you can have a simple exchange and let your partner know that you're paying attention. This will make your partner feel at ease!

So, what your boyfriend said, "I'm too busy to increase intimacy," is actually an excuse. Physical distance can sometimes become a distance between lovers, but it can also create beauty. We can use such a time when we cannot meet to more actively express our concerns and needs for each other. However, your boyfriend did not, and it was more like a deflated temper. He showed very unreasonable indifference. Not caring means not liking the other person that much. At this time, the more the questioner invests, the stronger the sense of disappointment will be.

I know it can be tough, but even if you realize this, you still can't let go of this relationship. The best thing you can do is take a 2-3 month period of calm observation. If the feeling of loss does not elicit a true expression of emotion from the other person, then it might be time to move on from this relationship.

I wish you the best of luck, and I know you can make it!

Hello! It's time to move on from this person you're seeing who's lost interest. You're stuck in a state of distress, powerlessness, and confusion, unable to extricate yourself. But don't worry! I can help you.

First, give you a hug, and also give you a little warmth and strength. Let's dive right in and analyze it together!

?

First, there's your sense of loss of control. From your account, I can sense that in this relationship, you are more invested than he is, and you expect a beautiful relationship—and I think you're going to get it!

This makes you very concerned and sensitive about the time you spend together, the state of communication, and his daily situation. As a result, when his response is not what you expected, you feel a sense of loss of control and wonder where your relationship is heading.

This feeling of losing control makes you feel bad and even a little crazy, but you can resolve it through arguments!

Your partner may not be as committed to the relationship as you are, and they may not care as much about some of the exchanges you have. But that's okay! It just means you have different priorities. You may even sense that your current relationship and pattern of getting along with each other has begun to make them feel a bit tired and bored. But that's also okay! It just means you have different things you enjoy doing.

I've got some great advice for you!

Relax a little and give each other more freedom! The two sides of an intimate relationship do not necessarily have to be so close that they have no room for each other.

Some people compare love to sand in their hands: the more you hold on to it, the less will remain. But here's the good news: giving each other a little freedom is not necessarily a bad thing for maintaining intimacy!

You want more attention from your partner, and that's great! But remember, your sensitivity, arguments, and suspicion might be making him feel more and more tired of the relationship. That's not good for anyone. So, try to relax a little, take your eyes off your partner for a while, and focus more on your own affairs. When you're busy, you probably won't pay so much attention to whether he hasn't replied to your message in time, and you may even forget to ask what he's been up to.

So, just relax a little, take your eyes off your partner for a while, and focus more on your own affairs. When you're busy, you probably won't pay so much attention to whether he hasn't replied to your message in time, and you may even forget to ask what he's been up to. This is great because it means you can focus on your own life and interests. When you're relaxed and enjoying your own company, you're more attractive to your partner because you're not worrying about whether they've replied to your messages.

?

Let's talk about those feelings of powerlessness and indecision. Your partner's comment, "What do you want to do? We're both so tired, can't we just stop making things difficult for each other?" seems to place all the blame and responsibility on you.

Not only have your emotional needs not been met, but you have also seen the uncertainty and crisis in your relationship, making you feel a little lost and fearful about the future of the relationship. But you want to do something to make the relationship better! You feel like you can't do anything, but you can! You can take action and make a difference. You can take the initiative and start to worry about the direction of the relationship.

I've got some great advice for you!

Give yourself a sense of security! You care so much about when your partner meets you and when they reply to your messages because you care about the sense of security the relationship gives you.

But here's the good news! The sense of security that comes from control or begging is actually not solid. The real sense of security comes from yourself, and this sense of security comes from your strength and inner confidence.

So, put more energy and thought into yourself, pay more attention to your appearance and inner self, and improve your abilities! You'll become more and more radiant, and you'll be so much more than a pitiful person begging for attention in a relationship. When flowers bloom, butterflies come! When you see or become a better version of yourself, you'll have enough confidence and security, as well as more initiative, and you'll naturally not be obsessed with the direction of a relationship.

I really hope my advice helps! The world and I love you!

I really hope my advice helps! The world and I love you!

Hello, I'm Gu Yi, and I'm always humble and consistent!

Now for the fun part! It's time to find out why things have changed in the relationship.

You two are together because you are attracted to each other and need each other! You have decided to be together and slowly become better together. This should be the beautiful expectation and blessing of love!

From seeing each other once a week at the beginning to not seeing each other for two months now and the contact between us has become extremely sparse, it's time to ask ourselves an important question: what can we do to bring us back together?

The beginning and end of a relationship have their own causes and reasons. That's why it's so important to take some time to understand the current situation and state of the relationship. It'll be really beneficial for you, whether you're trying to restore the relationship or deciding on the next step!

I've got some great advice for you!

Absolutely! A relationship needs to be nurtured. With just a little patience and care, we can see the efforts we put into the relationship, get a response from the other person, and also see the other person's efforts. This is the foundation for the long-term development of a relationship.

We absolutely need to be intimate with the people close to us with all our hearts! And of course, life still needs little surprises. This requires both parties to work together, and we need to both see the love we have for others and be able to feel the love they have for us.

Embrace change while learning to adjust your state. You've got this! The current state makes you passive, but you can move on. You're not stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Then, communicate first, identify the problem, adjust accordingly, and finally make a decision. Letting go of the relationship will also make you feel a little easier. You've got this!

Wishing you the very best!

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I understand that you care about this relationship and that you are somewhat insecure about it. Is that correct?

You say you've met your partner less frequently in the past six months. You feel that chatting about your feelings and his attitude towards you has made you feel increasingly insecure. You don't know what to do. Is this correct?

I understand how you feel, and I value this relationship. However, for reasons I don't fully understand, we've grown apart. What began as a passionate love affair has now left me feeling drained.

We can't give you the answer. You're the expert on solving your own problems. What we can do is share our feelings about this issue with you or give you advice to help you sort through your emotions when you're confused.

First, learn to communicate effectively.

You're feeling uncomfortable because you haven't been communicating, you've been staying apart, and you've both been busy. You've neglected feelings on both sides and stopped doing good things together, which makes you feel insecure. If you want to change, tell her your feelings. Learn to communicate effectively, not in nature, but to truly express your feelings. If he can accept it, he's worth your efforts.

Second, learn to show weakness and be cute.

Men and women are fundamentally different. Men are rational, women are emotional. Most boys in the class are single-minded. My hypnosis teacher said men are like pigs. Use your weapon: be cute. Get him to help you or achieve a goal you want, not fight against it. The more you fight, the further apart you two will get.

Then, enrich yourself.

You need to understand that when you feel insecure, it's because you've placed too much attention on this relationship and care too much about this feeling. You have to do your own thing and enrich yourself so that you become better and better, and the feeling will become stronger and stronger. You also know that when we're in a bad mood, the other person wants to escape even more. So, use this time to enrich yourself and do your own thing!

As the saying goes, if you bloom, the butterflies will come. When you get better and better, your partner will definitely like you more and more, rather than wanting to escape. I think you'll agree.

Finally, I want to tell you girls that you should learn to love yourselves, invest more energy in yourselves, learn more, gain more knowledge, become more confident, and have more courage to pursue the life you want. In this way, you will surely see a decrease in distress.

I know change isn't achieved with just a few words. You have to become more aware and clarify what you really want. Then, with time, you will gradually become better.

My dear, you must learn to love yourself, pay more attention to yourself, and treat relationships like a dessert in life. You choose it, it's sweet, and it is what it is. You choose him, and what's bitter is bitter. It all depends on how you think and what you do.

So adjust yourself, go forward bravely, and if you become better and better, you will get more and more.

Hello, dear questioner!

From what you've told me, it seems like your relationship has become a bit distant over the past six months, and you're not sure why. I totally get where you're coming from!

It's possible that you haven't talked to your partner about this issue and question as much as you could have, or that he still feels the same way about you as before, or that he's changed his mind, etc. It's also possible that he's just too tired at work and has some negative emotions in his heart, such as stress, so he doesn't have the energy to fall in love. This is just my guess, though!

How can we solve this together?

[1] Have a heart-to-heart with your partner and see what he thinks.

If your relationship is getting weaker, it could be because the passion and intimacy you once had is gone, or it could be because of other problems. Either way, it's important to keep communicating with your partner about what's going on. It's also a good idea to take a step back and look at your relationship with a cool head. Don't get caught up in negative emotions. And if your partner needs to vent, be there for them.

[2] Learn to express your feelings and needs, my dear friend.

If this is the case, it's important to recognize the issues between you and your partner and to communicate your feelings and needs. You can start by saying something like, "Darling, I feel like our relationship is becoming a bit distant. I hope we can work on getting closer."

[3] You can also try creating some little surprises to bring some extra love and excitement into your relationship!

We all get stressed and tired at work sometimes, and this can lead to negative emotions. But there are ways you can combat this! You can create some surprises to keep the love fresh. You can also take the initiative to invite your partner out to play, while also finding out what kind of problems your partner is having. Active communication is the best way to get along.

Finally, take a deep breath and think about whether there are any problems in the relationship, or whether it is just because of the everyday stresses of life that you feel you can't support each other. At this time, we must learn to use reasonable ways and methods to make our lives and moods happy, maintain the freshness of love, and learn some ways and methods online to heat up the relationship.

I really hope this advice helps!