I am jealous, anxious, and socially anxious. What should I do?

Hello, I am a mindfulness coach. I wish you a happy 2023.

I believe I understand your feelings quite well. It seems that jealousy and anxiety have had a negative impact on your relationships and affected your life. They can be like two "little devils" that make you feel both dependent and secure, and in control. It seems that you want to get rid of them because you think jealousy is "unreasonable" and that without anxiety you can "enjoy" the present.

As we embark on our journey of growth and self-discovery, we may encounter a range of emotions. If we can discern the underlying message that the emotion is trying to convey, it can then serve its purpose as a "messenger" and move on. Let's explore this further:

1. It would be beneficial to maintain awareness of your emotions.

As you have mentioned in points 1-5, this is a process of self-reflection and introspection, which reflects your ability to be aware.

Awareness can help us to identify patterns in our behaviour that may have become ingrained over time. Looking back over the past ten years or so, you may have noticed instances where your interactions with others have been influenced by feelings of jealousy, anxiety or social phobia.

It would also be beneficial to be able to perceive your own feelings very well, including your inner and physical feelings.

These are all good prerequisites for change, indicating that everything is developing in a positive direction. We often say, "You can only accept something when you let it go." It can be challenging for many people to see what they are holding in their hands, so it's important to recognize that letting go is an essential part of the process.

Life is our best teacher. We can regard everything that happens in our lives as an opportunity for learning and growth. The prerequisite for this is awareness.

You might consider setting aside ten or more minutes every day for meditation and mindfulness, gradually increasing the time as you become more proficient. Meditation can be a way to train you to talk to your subconscious. It may be helpful to remember that conflicts within often arise because long-repressed emotional experiences have entered the subconscious and cannot be melted into the conscious.

Your current state and feelings are a result of your past experiences and thoughts.

2. It may be helpful to try to understand the underlying logic behind emotions.

It might be helpful to consider that the tendency to compare ourselves to others and the feelings of jealousy that arise may be caused by an internal voice that says, "I'm not good enough."

It is thought that anxiety and social phobia may be caused by a lack of security, with worries and fears about the future. Interacting with others may sometimes make you feel insecure and lose a sense of control.

No matter what emotional experience the above brings you, it seems that the root of the problem may be a sense of value. A low sense of value can lead to feelings of worry and fear, which may make you feel that you are not good enough, that you are not accepted by others, and that you are afraid of not being liked by others.

Similarly, there are two ways to become the tallest building in the area: either destroy the buildings taller than you, or become the tallest building. One way to elevate your own good is by belittling and destroying the "good" of others (although sometimes there is no actual action, but the thought has already been generated in the heart), which is "looking outward."

If you would like to let go of your inner fears, whether in your personal life or in your interactions with others, you might consider turning from the outside to the inside. This could involve paying attention to your inner self and filling the well inside you. You could choose to fill it with things like envy, jealousy, and hatred, or you could choose to fill it with things like appreciation, or even better, love and care.

These are all your choices. By seeing, you can gain more choices and become more free. For how to enhance a sense of value, you may find my article "It turns out that the root cause of all problems is it" helpful. It can be found on my personal homepage.

I would like to suggest a very practical psychology book that is suitable for people with no prior knowledge. I believe that "The Terrific Me" could be a valuable resource for you in dealing with many problems in life.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you. I love you all and I hope you find these ideas useful. ?

If you would like to continue our dialogue, you are welcome to click on the "Find a coach" link, which you will find in the upper right corner or at the bottom of the page. I would be delighted to communicate and grow with you one-on-one.

I hope my answer helps you.

You are not alone. I was once like that too. I grew and learned. I saw my patterns and built my inner strength. I accepted and understood myself, supported and encouraged myself. I did the things I wanted to do but was afraid to do. I drew myself closer to the self I wanted to become. I became more and more confident. I learned to see my inner desires through comparison and envy. I guided myself to persevere and work hard in the direction I want to go. I entered a virtuous cycle.

I advise you to:

Accept and understand yourself. See your own patterns. Other people are good. We are not bad. Other people may not be as good as we think. We are not as bad as we think.

I used to be just like you. When I heard others praise someone else's good points, I would feel bad about my own. So I was especially afraid of hearing others praise others. Even after I got married, when others praised my husband for being able to make money and cook well, I would feel very inferior and think, "He can do everything, so what am I? I'm so bad." But the truth is, I also have my own value. I can cook, and I have created a lot of value for my family. Just because others say that he is good doesn't mean that I am bad. He has his good points, and I have mine.

My good things don't disappear just because of his good things. They can coexist.

Later, after studying psychology and looking back on my own growth experience, I was able to see my own patterns clearly. Since I had been comparing myself to others since childhood, I was very afraid of being surpassed by others. When the elders praised other children, I would unconsciously feel that I was not good enough, even though I actually had many outstanding parts and many shining points. However, as long as I compared myself to others, I would ignore my own advantages and always compare my own shortcomings with others' advantages. The more I compared, the more inferior I felt. When I saw clearly my own patterns and understood why I was like this, and at the same time, I mustered the courage to accept this real and somewhat fragile self, I found that as I continued to improve my level of acceptance of myself, I was no longer so afraid of others saying bad things about me. When you accept your own badness, it becomes unimportant whether others can accept it or not.

With continuous acceptance of oneself, one can view oneself and others more objectively and comprehensively. Everyone has good points and shortcomings. We are imperfect, but we can live wonderful lives with our imperfections.

2. Comparison and jealousy reveal your inner needs and desires.

Jealousy is a normal emotion. Accept it. Don't repress or reject it. Use it to reflect on your inner selves. See what you're jealous of. Discover your deep-seated needs and desires. Transform and elevate them. Satisfy your needs and desires in a reasonable way. As you do, you'll become less jealous of others.

We are jealous of someone because we envy her for some characteristic or because she has something we don't have. The truth is, if this person is no longer around, someone similar will appear again to arouse your jealousy. You are jealous not of a particular person or a particular type of person, but because these people carry your desires, and they have something you don't have. Have you noticed?

When you envy someone or some people, you just want to get something they have. It doesn't matter if these people exist or not. What matters is that you satisfy your own needs. If you never satisfy your needs, you will always be jealous of others.

I'll give you an example from my own life. I used to be jealous of someone, and whenever I saw her I felt annoyed. She was a very kind person, and everyone else spoke highly of her. But every time I saw her I felt uncomfortable, and she had never done anything to hurt me. I later discovered that I was jealous of her. Why was I jealous? What was it about her that made me jealous?

After constantly asking myself questions, I found the answer. I envied her for being able to take care of her family and work at the same time, and do both well. At that time, I stayed at home full-time and did not work. I saw my own desire for work and personal development. Later, when I saw my own needs and through continuous efforts, I finally achieved a balance between family and work. When I looked at her again, I no longer felt jealous at all.

3. Encourage and support yourself. See your own bright spots. Achieve your small goals one by one through practical actions. Gradually enhance your inner strength and sense of self-worth.

We are afraid of socializing and expressing ourselves because we lack inner strength. We must recognize our strengths and encourage and support ourselves. We must stop thinking we are not good at things and become more powerful. To increase our inner strength, we must change from criticizing ourselves to encouraging and supporting ourselves. We must choose to encourage and support ourselves, not belittle ourselves.

We must also recognize our own strengths. Starting today, we will write down one of our strengths every day for 100 days. If we cannot think of anything, we will ask our relatives and friends to name three of our strengths. When we focus on our strengths and bright spots, we will feel better and better about ourselves and like and recognize ourselves more and more.

You can improve your inner strength gradually through a real sense of achievement. Don't just think about it—take action! Set reasonable goals for yourself to continuously improve your abilities and self-confidence. This is how I gradually became more confident.

Don't set yourself any grandiose goals. Set goals that you can achieve with hard work based on your current situation.

For example, if you currently walk 3,000 steps a day, setting a goal of 1,000 or 10,000 steps a day would be inappropriate. A goal that is too small will make you feel unmotivated and will not give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve it. A goal that is too large will make you feel that it is extremely difficult to achieve and will create a lot of resistance. Set a goal that you can achieve through your own efforts and that will give you a sense of accomplishment when you achieve it. For example, you could set a goal of walking about 3,500 steps a day.

Once you reach the 3,500-step mark, you can easily raise the goal to 4,000 steps. Before long, you'll be hitting 10,000 steps a day. Each step brings a sense of achievement and pleasure, strengthening your inner resolve.

Set yourself similar small goals in life and study and achieve them. This will enhance your inner strength and sense of worth. When you have inner strength, your self-esteem will improve. You will then be less nervous and afraid in social situations. You will be able to communicate with others more openly and naturally. You will also be able to allow yourself to make mistakes and shortcomings in social situations. This will help you become relaxed and comfortable in interpersonal relationships.

You may find the above information useful. Best wishes!

Hello, question asker. Reading your words is like meeting someone in person.

From your brief description, I sense three qualities in you: excellent awareness, honesty, and anxiety/28-everything-has-been-terrible-standing-at-the-crossroads-without-courage-11626.html" target="_blank">courage. It is not easy to face one's own shortcomings, yet you have done so and have also described your state under their influence in such a specific way. I believe that from the moment you arrived on the platform, you were already prepared to grow, which is really admirable!

If you're ready, let's explore the underlying forces behind these states.

At the beginning of your description, you mention feelings of jealousy and anxiety. It's interesting to note that these two emotions can have different connotations. Jealousy can often be perceived negatively, while anxiety is more of an emotional state. This distinction offers two intriguing avenues for reflection:

a. Could I ask what kind of strength (or expectation) you think lies behind your strong jealousy?

b. Could I ask where your anxiety comes from?

I believe that by exploring these two points, we can gain insight into the reasons behind your question at the end of your description.

If I may, let's move on to the five points you listed in your description.

1. Some people may find it challenging to eat with people outside the family, particularly when there is a risk of food being taken or when there are large gatherings or conversations while eating.

Before a relationship is established with someone outside the family, it might be helpful to view them as strangers. Since they are strangers and a relationship has not yet been established, it could be beneficial to consider that an appropriate withdrawal mode is actually a form of self-protection.

2. You seem to have some reservations about engaging in conversation with more than three people at a time. It also appears that you may be somewhat apprehensive about other people talking to other people. You seem to prefer to talk to two people at a time, and you appear to be quite possessive.

It is often said that the fewer people you talk to, the easier it is to quickly and accurately receive the core message each person is trying to convey. This makes communication more efficient. I get the impression that you are a partner who places a lot of emphasis on efficiency when communicating and who is eager to express yourself.

3. Some people may find gatherings and meetings intimidating, and may be uncomfortable hearing positive things about others.

Gatherings and meetings are often two kinds of crowded occasions. As the number of people increases, the effective reception rate of information tends to decline. Additionally, there tends to be a limited range of expressions at such occasions, and as this range narrows, the desire to express also decreases. Eventually, a sense of fatigue towards these occasions sets in. Regarding the fear of hearing others succeed, it is important to recognize that competition is a natural aspect of the workplace. While competition can lead to anxiety, it is crucial to understand that it is a normal response to the challenge of doing one's best in a competitive environment.

4. You may find it challenging to see others succeed and take pleasure in their misfortunes.

It may be the case that you have not often received praise from others in the context of your personal growth journey. In this way, the action of "showing off" could be seen as a form of atonement for a part of yourself that emerged during your past growth experience.

5. Some people may feel uneasy about speaking in public or in large groups.

Given the nature of a public setting, it's understandable that you might be apprehensive about saying the wrong thing and facing unexpected consequences. It's natural to want to protect yourself in such a situation.

There are, of course, many ways to adjust, but I believe that the adjustment method you realize on your own is the one that is right for you. I also believe that you can complete this adjustment to yourself.

I would like to suggest a few possible avenues for your consideration:

Could you please describe how you form relationships with the people who are your closest supporters (friends)? (Please exclude family members.)

If it isn't an imposition, could you kindly describe what your usual mode of communication looks like?

Could you please elaborate on why you feel the need to express yourself?

Could you please share your thoughts on what comes to mind when you see someone who seems to be more accomplished than you?

If I may enquire further, what preparations would you make beforehand to help you not be afraid if you were to speak in public one day?

I will leave it to you to develop more specific awareness in these five areas. I encourage you to make good use of your excellent powers of observation.

Please take your time and don't rush. Give yourself enough space to grow. You've already taken a very solid step.

Please take good care of yourself.

Good day. I would like to introduce myself as someone who is not particularly tall or muscular.

If I may respectfully offer a suggestion, it is that there is no such thing as a good or bad emotion. All emotions and feelings are worthy of recognition and acceptance.

It may be helpful to consider that all emotions and feelings are worthy of embrace and expression. If we simply bury them in our hearts and let our emotions ferment and brew, it can lead to a sense of increasing terror with further reflection.

I once read a short story about a man who went to the cold storage room and accidentally got locked in. He was understandably concerned about his situation, particularly given that he still had one night to go before work. He began to shout for someone to open the door, but there was no response.

The result was that the next day, when his colleague opened the door, he found him dead, with a terrified expression. However, it seems that the air conditioning in the refrigerator was not on, which may have caused him to feel scared.

It is also worth noting that this applies to other emotions. If you do not seek proof, vent, or find a way to express your subjective feelings, and if you let your thoughts grow like weeds, it may also cause you to feel more and more psychological pressure.

It might also be helpful to ask yourself:

I wonder if I might ask what the impact of a gathering of more than three people is on you? And if you remain quiet and eat in silence the whole time, do you think you could manage that yourself?

Could I ask what your concerns are when the other two people are talking? Do you ever worry that someone might be saying unkind things about you?

Could I ask you whether you feel that their intimacy makes you feel lonely or something?

"3" Do you feel that the excellence of others affects your life in a negative way? Or do you feel that others being too excellent makes you look bad?

"4" It might be helpful to consider what impact the lives of others have on your own. When you focus on others, can you still focus on yourself?

Perhaps if you were to spend the time you would have spent on others on yourself, you might feel better about yourself?

"5" It is not uncommon for individuals to experience a certain degree of apprehension when faced with public speaking. When one wears a mask, it is natural to still feel a sense of nervousness and unease.

Question 6: Do you feel that you have any outstanding qualities? Could you perhaps identify some of your own good points?

Could I ask whether you are satisfied with yourself?

Appropriate jealousy can be a catalyst for improvement and personal growth. However, if the emotion is excessive, it can lead to confusion and a focus on others over oneself, which can be draining and may not facilitate growth. It may also impact relationships with others.

Gaining insight into one's own psychological feelings can assist the questioner in understanding themselves more deeply and making changes that are beneficial to them.

1. It may be helpful to consider the reasons behind your feelings of jealousy. In many cases, jealousy can stem from low self-esteem.

2. It may be helpful to express your jealous emotions in a constructive way. All emotions need to be expressed in order to avoid becoming pent up in the heart.

3. It might be helpful to ask yourself whether jealousy is useful for self-improvement. Does it just drain you or help you improve? I suggest that the questioner should care more about themselves.

4. You might consider wearing a mask when you are feeling nervous about speaking in public. This can help you feel more relaxed, as others will not be able to see your expression.

5. If you are feeling nervous or scared, you may find it helpful to say it out loud. This can often help to make you feel more relaxed.

6. You might consider practicing your speaking and expression control in the mirror. It could be beneficial to engage in deliberate practice to help you feel more at ease.

7. When speaking in public, it can be helpful to imagine that you are speaking to a cabbage. This can help to calm your nerves.

8. If you are apprehensive about social gatherings, you might consider trying out a small-scale trial with people who are close to you first. Even if you behave in a way that is not entirely appropriate, the people you are close to will not say anything to you because they know you. Once you feel more comfortable, you can gradually increase the number of people at the gathering.

9. It may be helpful to learn to accept yourself, including your strengths and weaknesses. This could potentially contribute to a greater sense of peace and a willingness to consider making changes based on an acceptance of oneself.

In conclusion, it is worth noting that focusing on one's shortcomings may lead to feelings of self-doubt. Conversely, focusing on one's strengths and areas of expertise can foster confidence. It is also important to recognise that confident individuals tend to flourish, while fears and jealousies tend to dissipate over time. One way to cultivate confidence could be to set achievable goals and receive positive reinforcement for each one.

The book "I'm Really Great" might be a helpful resource for the questioner in finding a more positive self-perception.

I wish you the best!

I am a licensed psychological counselor and am pleased to respond to your inquiry.

The enumeration of numerous "crimes" and the ascription of numerous labels to oneself indicate that the individual in question is a highly introspective person who is accustomed to identifying the source of problems as being within themselves. Additionally, it suggests that interpersonal relationships are a significant challenge for this person, that they are experiencing considerable mental fatigue, and that, as they have stated, "it has seriously affected their life."

It is commendable that you have the courage to engage in such a candid and introspective examination of your own psyche. Not everyone possesses the fortitude to confront the more challenging aspects of their inner life, and therefore, I would like to extend my admiration and support.

Let me begin by elucidating my understanding of the situation at hand.

First and foremost, jealousy is a natural human emotion. This is evidenced by the fact that even infants and toddlers display signs of jealousy.

Mothers of twins will undoubtedly have observed that if they interact with only one of the children, the other will typically vocalize their distress in an attempt to elicit attention.

It is therefore imperative not to ascribe blame to oneself when experiencing feelings of jealousy, as this is a normal emotion.

Jealousy is a universal emotion.

The essence of jealousy can be defined as a longing for something that is not currently possessed.

The emotion of jealousy arises when an individual observes another person possessing a desired object, quality, or outcome. This observation evokes feelings of resentment, such as the perception that the other person is undeservedly receiving something that the observer desires. Additionally, feelings of fear may emerge, stemming from the belief that the observer is inadequate or unworthy if they do not possess what the other person has.

The underlying emotion is fear: if I am not perceived as being good enough, will I lose the love and approval of others? It is also a longing: I want to be like him, to be appreciated and supported by many people.

...

These complex emotions oscillate within the individual, at times evoking a sensation of fervor and ardor, and at other times, a sense of vertigo and despair.

When individuals experience jealousy, if they perceive that they possess the capacity to attain the same outcomes as others, then this emotion may serve as a motivating force. It is a normal and adaptive emotion.

However, if one feels powerless in the face of reality, this sense of powerlessness can lead to anxiety. This is because everything that seems good is perceived as being out of reach, and therefore it is rational to conclude that it is better to avoid such situations, at least in the short term. This avoidance can manifest in a number of ways, including social phobia.

The more one avoids the situation, the more one feels powerless. This sense of powerlessness can lead to anxiety, which in turn fuels the feelings of jealousy. This creates a self-perpetuating cycle that seriously drains one's mental energy.

Therefore, it can be concluded that jealousy is a result of comparison.

The contemporary educational system is predicated on comparison, and upon entering society, individuals will encounter a pervasive competitive ethos. During their upbringing, parents frequently unintentionally reinforce the significance of comparison. They frequently evaluate their children in comparison to their peers. When parents perceive their children as being less capable than their peers, they may exhibit less favorable treatment and even deny their children certain privileges.

This will engender the perception that if one is not as proficient as one's peers, one will not receive the same level of parental affection or that the affection will be diminished.

Parents' love is a scarce resource. Without it, young children cannot survive, let alone thrive. This is a truth that every child intuitively understands. When parents' love becomes conditional, it creates a sense of deprivation and tension in the child.

This kind of lack and tension is deeply subconscious and often imperceptible at the conscious level.

Therefore, the imperative to be better than others, or at the very least, not worse than others, becomes a matter of life and death, and something we must avoid at all costs.

Upon entering society, we encounter a reality shaped by a deeply subconscious belief.

The reality is that regardless of one's own abilities, there will always be individuals who possess greater capabilities. The pursuit of comparison is an endless endeavor that will persist throughout one's lifetime.

The act of comparison draws our attention to the external world, directing our focus towards the perceived achievements of others and the perceived discrepancy between our own performance and theirs. This often leads to a sense of urgency to compensate for this perceived deficit, whether through striving to match or even exceed the achievements of others.

One's genuine needs are obscured.

During their formative years, the majority of students narrow their focus to academic pursuits in order to secure a favorable future. The standard of comparison is straightforward: academic performance. If this is applied to the adult world, it would be work performance.

In reality, however, there are numerous factors to consider. In addition to one's professional life, there are also personal aspects such as family, friends, hobbies, and entertainment. There is no singular standard that can be applied to all of these aspects. To illustrate, one might argue that reading is a more valuable pursuit than exercise.

One might inquire whether an individual who engages in running is of lesser value than one who engages in ball sports.

Furthermore, in evaluating the value of an entity, we unconsciously accept a multitude of rigid concepts. For example, one might posit that a social phobia is inferior to a sociable person, as we all tend to view extroverts as superior to introverts. However, it is important to recognize that individuals who are socially awkward may have a multitude of casual acquaintances, yet few close friends. Conversely, individuals with social phobias may appear isolated and unknown in a crowd, yet many individuals who have achieved remarkable success in a particular field are also socially awkward, as they are able to eliminate external distractions and focus on more crucial matters.

Therefore, when individuals habitually conform to a singular standard of reference, adhering to unrecognized rigid ideas, and engage in self-competition, akin to how they engage with their achievements, it is inevitable that they will experience anxiety when they are compelled to compare themselves to others and ascertain who is superior.

The question thus arises as to how one might break out of the cycle of jealousy, anxiety, and avoidance.

1. It is important to recognize the multifaceted nature of life and not to prioritize a single aspect over others. Research on happiness indicates that a fulfilling life is not one in which a single aspect is exceptionally strong while the others are weak.

However, if one is relatively balanced in all aspects, a stronger sense of happiness will be experienced.

2. It is beneficial to focus on one's own attributes and positive qualities. Many individuals tend to perceive themselves as inadequate when compared to the perceived best, and as superior to those deemed the worst. This phenomenon is not exclusive to any particular group.

In the process of adjusting one's mindset, it is particularly beneficial to consider individuals who are less capable than oneself. This is not a trivial matter; psychological research indicates that comparing oneself to those who are less capable can lead to a profound sense of happiness and a deeper sense of compassion.

It is recommended that you adopt a positive outlook.

Furthermore, it is noteworthy that the individuals whom one may perceive as rivals or competitors may, in fact, be envious of one's achievements. This is a phenomenon that is not always evident.

3. A sense of inferiority to others can engender a sense of worthlessness, which can in turn have a detrimental effect on one's sense of self-worth. It is therefore recommended that at some point in one's life, one should identify an area of interest and endeavour to excel in it, without necessarily aiming for the highest level of achievement. This approach can lead to a more positive sense of self-worth.

As one's sense of self-worth increases, one's satisfaction with oneself, with others, and with life will concomitantly increase.

Whether it is traveling (some individuals engage in travel blogging), playing games (there are numerous game-related industries), or a multitude of other emerging professions, there may be opportunities for individuals to leverage their strengths. The crucial element is that individuals have identified their strengths and invested effort to develop them.

It must be acknowledged that this is a process of self-discovery, not something that can be achieved overnight. However, it is also beneficial to have the opportunity to try more things in life, given the length of time that many of us spend in this lifetime.

Ultimately, I hope that you will succeed in disrupting the cycle, reconstructing your self-worth, and augmenting your sense of well-being.

Hello, questioner! I'm Jiang 61.

Thank you for trusting us and sharing your concerns. You said, "I have a strong sense of anxiety/24-years-old-female-how-do-i-reconcile-myself-with-my-jealousy-and-vanity-26205.html" target="_blank">jealousy and anxiety. What should I do about social phobia?"

Given the limited information you have provided, I will provide you with a cause analysis and suggestions based on that information.

Let me tell you about your situation.

1⃣️, self-evaluation

You said, "Hello, teacher. I have a strong sense of jealousy and anxiety. I want to know more about social phobia."

From your description, it is clear that you have a strong sense of jealousy. Your lack of confidence is causing you anxiety and social phobia.

2⃣️, remember.

You said, "Since starting school, I have loved comparing myself to others. I have a strong sense of jealousy, and I have had social phobia for about ten years, which has seriously affected my life."

You have had social anxiety, jealousy, and a competitive mentality for over ten years. These issues started when you were a teenager and have had a significant impact on your life.

3⃣️, Specific manifestations

You say, "Specifically,

1. I will not eat with more than three people outside my family. I am not afraid of other people taking food, of gatherings, of other people talking and taking food, and of looking embarrassed.

2. I am not afraid to talk to more than three people. I simply prefer to talk to two people.

3. You are afraid of gatherings, meetings, and hearing the good things about others.

4. You can't stand to see others succeed and gloat over their misfortune.

5. I am afraid of speaking in public and of crowds.

Fear. Fear.

You are scared of gatherings, conversations, meetings, and speaking in public with more than three people. You are worried that something will happen that will make you feel embarrassed.

For example, you may feel unsure about how to answer questions, take up the conversation, or handle the situation.

You are jealous.

You are jealous because you can't stand to see others do well. You gloat when someone makes a mistake. You enjoy making fun of other people and watching them make a fool of themselves.

You know this is a bad state of mind.

You are possessive.

You said you are possessive. You want others to accept your point of view and always listen to you when you speak.

I'm confident my understanding is correct.

4⃣️, Ask for help.

You said, "These circumstances seriously affect my life, so I need to know what the problem is."

You have made it clear that these circumstances have had a significant impact on your life. You are determined to change the situation and have expressed a strong desire to understand the underlying reasons for these events.

2. Identify the causes.

1. The influence of the original family

This is a topic you may not want to talk about, but you have no choice.

The anxiety, jealousy, and possessiveness you are experiencing now are directly related to the state of your life in your original family.

Strong-willed parents

Strong-willed parents are accusatory and controlling.

The blaming type

People who blame others often ignore others, are used to attacking and criticizing, and blame others for their own shortcomings.

In terms of language, they often say things like, "It's all your fault" and "What's wrong with you?" In terms of their inner experiences, "blame-shifting" people are quick to accuse others in order to protect themselves, placing the blame on others and absolving themselves of responsibility.

Therefore, they will constantly annoy and blame other people or the environment.

Blaming others is a way of belittling them, and the questioner is well aware of this. People who blame others are more concerned about their own situation and feelings than they are about the feelings of others.

Let's be clear: controlling people

Controlling people expect others to respect them, to listen to them, and to not have their own ideas. When they don't get what they want, they fly into a rage.

Controlling people are aggressive.

People with an aggressive personality

The following are characteristics of a radical personality:

They are strong-willed, action-oriented, energetic, and achievement-oriented.

They are courageous and decisive, persevering, not afraid of difficulties, and highly self-disciplined.

They are also short-tempered, lack empathy, are stubborn, and arrogant.

From what you've told me, I can tell that your parents are achievement-oriented, action-focused, highly self-disciplined, but also short-tempered, lacking empathy for you and the rest of the family, stubborn, and arrogant.

A child who pleases their parents.

Your parents' completely different personalities are your pleasing personality plus melancholic personality.

The pleasing type

Those who try to please others are highly attuned to the needs of others, often at the expense of their own needs. They are kind and pleasant to others even when they don't feel good themselves.

People who try to please others are prone to physical and mental exhaustion. They feel like they are always revolving around the people around them, that they have their own thoughts but no self, that they want to refuse but cannot bring themselves to say no, that they want to vent but are afraid of offending others, and they appear weak and small in most relationships.

The depressive personality

The melancholic personality is defined by the following characteristics:

These individuals are thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and pursue truth and beauty.

Strengths: You are delicate and perceptive, loyal and reliable, talented, and insightful.

Weaknesses: obsessive, indecisive, self-centered, pessimistic, passive.

The results are as follows:

You are emotionally isolated.

You have spent a significant amount of time in an environment where your parents have controlled and accused you. You have had your own thoughts and opinions suppressed by your parents. You have gradually become accustomed to pleasing your parents and complying with their wishes, and have started to close the door on expressing your emotions. You have slowly stopped expressing your emotions.

Anxiety

Children who are controlled and suppressed by their emotions learn to blunt their emotional experience in order to avoid criticism and punishment. This is a fact. Children who grow up in such a family often become alienated from themselves and can only feel boredom, apathy, and anxiety.

This is a projection effect.

You say you're not used to gatherings of more than three people and you're afraid of people helping themselves to food. These are all projections based on past experiences. Your parents disliked and blamed you for these behaviors, leaving you with a bad feeling. Now, when you encounter the same situation, you reflexively feel disgust and project your parents' disgust and blame onto other people.

Your inner feelings simply won't allow you to see these scenes replayed in front of you.

This is how your family of origin has shaped you.

2. It is due to your personality.

As previously stated, your personality is agreeable, while your parents' personalities are controlling and accusatory. You have essentially internalized your parents' accusations and control.

Your family life seems harmonious, but your true feelings have been suppressed for too long. Your emotions are not acknowledged, and you have not fully developed your sense of self. This has caused your life to remain stuck in childhood.

This is a result of your personality.

3⃣, low self-esteem and a sense of inadequacy cause

A person who constantly tries to please others is placing themselves in a lower position, has no self-esteem, and is not having much fun in life. They are also internally unbalanced. They want to be valued by others and boost their self-esteem. At this time, the conversation between the two can be a state of self-control, and they can follow the attitude their parents have towards them and treat the other person in the same way. They can demand that the other person accommodate them.

The other person must be able to accommodate themselves in order to satisfy their vanity. However, this cannot be done in the presence of three or more people.

This is why we feel possessiveness.

Children who are often criticized and blamed lack self-confidence and do not feel a sense of self-worth or achievement. People who are constantly denied recognition and compared to others will develop a jealous attitude towards others and hope that everyone in the world is the same as them or worse, so that they can feel balanced. They don't want others to be better than them, because only when others have problems can they show that they are good and feel a sense of achievement.

This is why jealousy arises.

3. How to change

1. Re-understand yourself.

People who have been emotionally and mentally suppressed by their parents often have a flawed perception of themselves and irrational thoughts. You can break away from the emotional state of the past by re-evaluating yourself.

You are worthy of self-worth.

Know your strengths, specialties, likes, what you can do, what valuable things and information you can provide for the organization and others, how to make the best of your strengths and avoid your weaknesses, and come to reflect your own value.

You must build self-confidence.

Know your abilities and limitations. Know what you cannot do, what you cannot improve, and what you cannot accept. Then, you can be purposeful and do what is right for you at the right time and place, and feel a sense of accomplishment.

2⃣️, Build self-confidence.

Your parents' rejection and control in the past made you lack self-awareness, be passive and obedient, and lack confidence. It's time to start building self-confidence.

Let go of the past.

The past has shaped your current character and state of life, so acknowledge it. You are not to blame for what happened, so do not dwell on it.

You must acknowledge it if you want to let it go and not be sad about the past.

Build self-confidence.

Do what's best for you.

You know your abilities and what you are good at. Do what you like, what you are good at, and what you are good at. Succeed, and your sense of achievement and pride will naturally increase.

Build self-confidence through self-affirmation.

Cheer yourself on every time you accomplish something. Encourage yourself. You will feel the joy and pride of accomplishment when you self-affirm.

This gives you the confidence to do other things.

3⃣️, Express yourself bravely.

Your parents' scolding, incorrect evaluation, and control restricted your emotional expression, which made you give up the opportunity to express yourself and release emotions. This led to feelings of depression. Now, you can learn to use effective communication methods and consistent expressions to convey what you think and feel.

Effective communication is key.

Effective communication is key.

Communication is the exchange of information. It is the entire process of conveying a message to a communication partner in the hope that the communication partner will respond in the expected way. If this process is achieved, effective communication is complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages are both part of communication. The non-verbal part is usually more important than the verbal part. Effective communication is essential for dealing with interpersonal and complex social relationships on campus.

The following are the steps to effective communication:

Effective communication involves four steps.

Step 1: Express your feelings, not your emotions.

Step 2: Express what you want, not what you don't want. Make it clear that you are angry, not that you are angry about expressing it.

Step 3: Express your needs, not your complaints. Don't make the other person guess what you want.

Step 4: Express where you are going, not where you are. Look at the end result, don't get stuck in the event.

It is essential to be consistent in your expression.

Communication is essential for your success. Many families and colleagues have discordant voices, and this is usually because they have not done a good job of consistent expression.

When communicating with others, your verbal and non-verbal cues must align with your inner feelings. In consistent communication, you must attend to and respect the needs of yourself, the other person, and the situation.

This model of human speech shows an inner awareness, with expression and speech in line, inner harmony and balance, and a relatively high sense of self-worth.

Express the following sentence patterns consistently. You will be communicating consistently in no time. The specific sentence patterns are as follows:

When...

Describe the objective situation in a clear, objective manner, without any accusations or emotions.

My feelings are...

State your current feelings and emotions clearly.

I hope you will...

Specify your needs and make your expectations clear. They should be quantifiable, enforceable, and visible.

I believe that...

Describe what you want to achieve.

Use consistent expressions to align your feelings, actions, and words, and you'll ensure the other person receives the same message. This will reduce misunderstandings and bring harmony to your life. The same goes for your relationships with others—they'll be smoother.

Once you establish self-confidence, enhance self-awareness, change your mindset, and express your emotions with courage, you'll no longer experience feelings of jealousy or anxiety. You'll also break free from bad habits like possessiveness. May you become more and more confident in your life.

Have a pleasant day!

Hello, I'm Evan.

From what you've said, it seems like you care a lot about being worse off than others. When this happens, you fall into a jealous state of mind. It's normal to feel envious when faced with something unattainable or something we want. If the feeling is strong, it's jealousy.

If you've had a jealous mind for a long time and even feel self-blame and belittle yourself, it means you have a psychological problem.

So, where does the questioner's jealousy come from? Or, to be more specific, where does the questioner's mentality of comparing oneself with others, being afraid of being worse than others, and being afraid of being around many people come from?

Could it be influenced by the original family? Or is it the pursuit of a certain feeling?

This is something the questioner needs to be aware of.

Since this was posted on an online forum, we can't go into much detail here. We can, however, offer some suggestions on how to overcome jealousy:

It's important to accept that you have some psychological issues to work through.

If you're always in a bad mood, you need psychological help. The OP says they're often jealous, but jealousy can also cause other emotions.

For instance, jealousy can manifest as anger, disgust, contempt (which is basically hostility), resentment, guilt, and self-blame.

Having a jealous mind for a long time can really affect the questioner in negative ways. It can impact their physical and mental health. Perhaps this jealous mind is not something the questioner wants. It might come from the influence of the original family or be caused by some kind of challenge or environment. In short, the questioner accepts that it is because of psychological problems that they often get affected by negative emotions.

It's important to understand the psychology of jealousy.

The questioner might want to think about why they're jealous. Why do they envy others?

Is there something in particular that the questioner is jealous of? For instance, if they're jealous of others' achievements, is it because they're not as good at studying as others, or because they're better at studying and are sought after by others?

Is it jealousy of everything that other people have, or of something specific? If you were to switch places with the other person, and you also studied well and were sought after by others, how would the OP feel?

Take a look at the part of yourself that's jealous and see if you can work on it yourself. Could this help to reduce the other person's feelings of jealousy?

You can acknowledge your feelings openly, but deny your actions.

Try to admit in some relaxed situations that you can be jealous of someone or something. Of course, there is a little trick to how to do it without being criticized by others. Partially admit obvious facts, judgments, or emotions (denying seems too fake, attacking seems too silly), add an extra item, and absolutely deny the tendency to act negatively.

In other words, acknowledge the obvious traits in a way that's socially acceptable, add another detail, and say that you wouldn't act on those feelings. For instance, you could say, "Who wouldn't be envious of someone as beautiful as her? I would like to be envious, too, but she is so warm and generous that I like her very much and can't be envious."

Work on your interpersonal relationships.

If you find yourself feeling jealous of others in your relationships or anxious when you see that others have a lot of friends, it's likely that this is the jealousy at work. The sooner we catch it, the more effectively we can guide it towards more positive emotions.

If you're feeling jealous, it might help to think about what it's actually doing for you. As the author mentioned in the text, social phobia makes the author afraid to interact with many people at the same time. Let's see if this fear also has a jealous psychology.

The questioner can try to face these uncomfortable experiences again and give themselves a hint: "Jealousy" has only brought me bad experiences, made me lose a lot of good things, and miss a lot of good people and things. I don't want these bad experiences. The questioner can see if improving their relationship with their family members is conducive to improving their own interpersonal relationships.

Could your family of origin be influencing your own bad experiences in interpersonal relationships?

Transform your jealousy into motivation.

Think about how you can use this jealousy to make your life, relationships, and important decisions better. Be brave in facing your own jealousy and be brave in noticing the source of your emotions and what your deeper expectations are.

The questioner says they're afraid of interacting with many people and that they feel happy for others when they treat them badly. This is all a reflection of the jealousy, of not being able to bear to see others doing well.

If so, why not try to turn this jealousy into motivation, set yourself a goal, and realize that you can also live a better life than others and make people jealous. If you live a good life, will it make others envious of you?

Will this give the questioner more motivation? At the same time, it would be helpful for the questioner to think carefully about what expectations, wishes, and views lie behind the jealousy.

Turning jealousy into motivation can help the questioner handle and control their reaction to jealousy better, while also making them more aware of themselves. Someone who can turn jealousy into motivation and turn fear into appreciation and fondness will certainly have a different life.

I hope my answer helps the person who asked the question!

That's a great question.

I'm Kelly from Xin Tan.

Jealousy is a normal psychological state that everyone experiences. There's nothing wrong with a little healthy jealousy.

If you notice anxiety due to jealousy, it means you want to outdo the other person, but also yourself.

If someone doesn't respond to someone else's achievements, it might not be a good sign.

You're also very honest and open to discussing this.

Let's talk about jealousy.

We tend to envy others because we focus on their strengths and forget about our own.

Is there a chance someone else is jealous of you?

Take a moment to think about it. What are the things about you that make him jealous of you?

1: Another thing to keep in mind is that we can adjust our mindset. When we're feeling jealous, it's helpful to think about our own strengths, such as being quiet, kind, or having special skills.

2: You can turn jealousy into a positive. What are the other person's strengths that you want to learn from? What you are jealous of may be something you want to have yourself. You can also become friends with the other person and learn from their strengths.

3: You can also change the way you see yourself and others. It's important to remember that everyone has strengths and weaknesses. When we change our attitude and focus on the positive, we can find that we are also very good. When we turn jealousy into blessings and appreciation,

And don't forget to tell the other person that you appreciate their strengths. This will definitely help you build good relationships, and when you see that others are happy or work harder because of your encouragement, you'll be happy too.

How does the psychology of jealousy form?

Psychological research shows that we were actually placed in the wrong position during our childhood, which led to an unconscious mentality of not wanting others to be better off and feeling jealous.

When we were kids, around age 4 or 5, our sense of self would answer two questions:

Firstly, how do I see myself? Do I think I'm good?

Secondly, how do I see other people? Are they good?

And then there are the parents or teachers who say:

1: I think we can all agree that Student Chen is good, but I don't think we can say the same for Student Xiao Ming. When others say that you are not good, it can make you feel inferior and like you are not good enough.

For instance, Chen is great at math, while Xiao Ming is excellent at Chinese. Chen might get a good grade from the math teacher.

Xiaoming forgot that he was good at Chinese and remembered the teacher's criticism.

2: Some people say that Xiaobai is prettier and Xiaohua is shorter. Xiaohua will think that she is not pretty because she is short, forgetting that there is no standard of beauty and that everyone is unique.

3: As we grow up, we still remember these things from childhood. We can remind ourselves that we are no longer that four- or five-year-old child. We can choose to put ourselves in any position, make free choices, be free to be ourselves, and appreciate ourselves. At this time, we will also have a more ambitious outlook and heart than most people. As we go through life, we can appreciate each other's beauty.

4: Write yourself a daily pep talk and keep it handy. Read about your own strengths every day, and also read some biographies of other people, about how ordinary people became themselves and became the "envious person" for others.

You might find it helpful to read "Become Myself."

5: Anxiety is something that everyone experiences from time to time. However, if it's affecting your life in a negative way, it's always a good idea to speak to a counselor or visit your local hospital to see a doctor.

We can also get help from professional doctors and counselors.

6: We should always try to be open-minded, for example at school, work, and when meeting people we admire. We should be humble and seek advice, learn to positively affirm and appreciate others, thank our parents for the food they cook, tell them how you feel, and how delicious the food is. This will help us to become more open-hearted.

[About social phobia]

There's a saying that social phobia isn't scary, but social cowards are. People who are socially timid are more sensitive and have more time to enjoy loneliness.

Maybe social anxiety is something we can choose to overcome. If we're willing to interact with others, for example, we could try having a meal with four or five people. We'd probably find that there's also the joy of being in a crowd.

You can choose to do things differently. If you choose to be around a lot of people, you may not be used to it at first, but if you tell yourself that it will get easier with time and appreciate their personalities and hobbies, you will find it interesting.

If you give it a try, you'll find it's a different experience. (Of course, you can always choose to stay true to yourself, and change is something you have to want to do.)

I'd like to share a few personal tips with you:

1: In "My Profession is Novelist," Haruki Murakami said, "As long as you're lucky and find a niche in the world that suits you, you'll be able to survive well."

Get to know yourself better, focus on your life, and develop your potential.

2: "Everyone is afraid. Everyone. Anyone who has never been afraid is abnormal." - Jean-Paul Sartre

We all have fears about social situations, and I'm no exception. One way I combat this is by joining a book club, either online or offline.

3: Choose to learn, speak up when there are a lot of people, and you'll find that you can express yourself as well. (When we try to do it, we can be more aware, for example, by writing it down in advance, listening to more speeches, stand-up comedy, etc.)

4: In "The Courage to Face: Being Fearless and Fearless," the author says that fear is a very "basic," universal, unavoidable, and necessary emotion.

Fear is just like joy, anger, sorrow, and happiness—it's one of the basic emotions we all experience.

It's a basic emotion, so it's not about being brave. If we accept that we're socially anxious and face our socially anxious self with an open mind, we're no different from other people.

5: Social phobics also tend to dwell on negative thoughts.

For instance, if they have a rough time in social situations, they'll probably dwell on a bunch of their own issues, which might make them less inclined to socialize. This can further exacerbate the impact of social phobia on our lives.

As you mentioned, you're afraid of hearing good things about other people, but the truth is that whether or not other people are good has nothing to do with us. We just need to be ourselves.

6: In fact, changing social phobia starts with changing how we see ourselves.

Since social phobia is all about how we see relationships, we need to start with our perception.

7: We can get involved in more social activities and speak up during these activities. Even if we make a mistake, we shouldn't be too hard on ourselves. We should encourage ourselves more because we've taken the first step to changing our social phobia.

I'm feeling better today than I was yesterday.

Once we get our thinking straight, our actions will follow suit.

We can adjust our thinking, and that means we have to keep learning. There's no end to learning.

Good interpersonal relationships also enrich our social lives, benefit our physical and mental health, and help us manage negative emotions.

It also helps to boost self-confidence, strengthen relationships, improve learning and working abilities, and promote integration.

You might also want to check out "Psychology of Interpersonal Relations."

Let's learn together!

I love the world and I love you.

Interpersonal relationships: The questioner seems to be jealous and anxious. Jealousy is often caused by comparing yourself to others. Anxiety can also result from comparing your past, present, and future. When you compare yourself to others or to your past, present, or future, you can end up feeling stressed. This can make it hard to take action to change something.

This is a problem of interpersonal relationships, but it's also a matter of the questioner's own psychological confusion. One suggestion is that the questioner can identify the positive aspects that can result from the negative ones and turn the contrast into a trade-off. That is, don't view it as a matter of "right and wrong," but rather as a question of "being willing to give up." There must be some gain for some loss, and some loss for some gain. If you want to gain something, you must lose something.

Social phobia: Emotions protect people. There's a reason for certain emotions, and there'll be a corresponding behavioral pattern to avoid losses. The reason for fear is that there'll be losses, and you're not yet prepared to deal with the current problems. It's suggested that the questioner watch more modern life dramas and other types of films and dramas to see the truth about interpersonal relationships (communication and collaboration) and learn skills from them. Avoid confrontations with others, as they're not conducive to the questioner's current situation. You can also spend more time with cute animals, such as cute cats and dogs, which you can feed to enhance your love and positive energy. Only when your positive energy is sufficient will you have enough capital to deal with the challenges of the world.

If you're not ready, don't rush into things. And do things that make you happy.

Summary: Forget about right and wrong and comparisons. Instead, focus on willingness and comparisons to resolve jealousy and anxiety. Build up your positive energy and social skills to deal with potential interpersonal issues.

After reading your description, I empathize with your feelings of helplessness. First of all, I would like to offer you a hug and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us. I hope my answer can be helpful to you.

From your description, it seems that your confusion may be related to human relationships.

Psychologist Adler posited that "all human troubles stem from interpersonal relationships."

Let's take a closer look at this together.

From your description, it seems that you may be experiencing a few specific manifestations, including:

- 1. You seem to be experiencing some discomfort when eating with three people outside your family, as well as when other people take food, gather, talk, and take food, and when you feel awkward.

If someone outside your family helps you with your food or talks to you during a meal, it could be seen as a sign of friendship and care, particularly if you are on good terms. However, if there is a lack of rapport, this could be perceived as a way of expressing friendship.

Your expression shows that you are feeling somewhat uncomfortable, and that the closeness of people outside the family is perhaps a little overwhelming for you.

Could I ask what you are afraid of? Is it possible that you are afraid of being understood?

Or perhaps you're just not particularly skilled at socializing?

-2. I tend to be more comfortable talking to a small group of people at a time, as I find it easier to engage in conversation with just two or three people at a time. I also find it more natural to interact with people I know well, rather than talking to a large group.

After reading your description, I was reminded of a book I read about introverts before, which said that introverts often prefer in-depth conversations with one person over lively parties.

I also identify as an introvert, and I tend to feel a bit uneasy when chatting with people I don't know well. Social gatherings can sometimes be a bit overwhelming for me.

You might find it helpful to try sitting in the corner at parties, keeping a low profile, not initiating conversations, and just being polite.

-3. Apprehension about gatherings, meetings, and hearing about the positive aspects of others

This situation is also described in psychology as follows: "Comparison is human instinct." It is understandable that everyone cannot avoid comparing themselves to others, which can have both advantages and disadvantages. One advantage is that it can motivate you to surpass yourself. You may find it helpful to read the book "Inferiority and Transcendence" to gain more insight.

It is possible that you may experience feelings of anxiety and doubt, as you are currently doing.

You might find it helpful to read some books that can help to improve self-confidence. The one just mentioned, "Inferiority and Transcendence," is a good example.

-4. Seeing others' good fortune and gloating

This is another potential drawback of comparing yourself to others. It can lead to a sense of feeling important and valuable in this way.

-5. Apprehension about speaking in public and about crowds

If I might make a suggestion, this is in the same category as question 3, and I believe the advice is the same as the answer to question 3.

I hope this is helpful for you. Best wishes!

Hello, From what you've said, it seems like you've experienced anxiety/jealousy-is-intense-constantly-comparing-myself-with-others-what-should-i-do-12818.html" target="_blank">jealousy, anxiety, and social phobia to varying degrees. These problems could be the result of a number of different factors, including your personal experiences, family background, educational environment, personality traits, and other factors.

From a psychological standpoint, jealousy is a normal emotion, but it can also be unhealthy. If our jealousy is too strong, frequent, or seriously affects our social life and work, it's time to think about, explore, and solve this problem.

Anxiety and social phobia are emotional and psychological disorders that are usually manifested in excessive worrying, fear, self-doubt, and avoidance of social interaction. These problems need to be addressed through psychological counseling and treatment.

Here are a few ideas that might help ease your jealousy and social phobia:

1. Get some psychological counseling or therapy. A professional counselor or therapist can help you understand your emotional and psychological problems better and provide effective treatment and coping strategies.

2. Practice self-acceptance and self-worth. Learn to accept yourself, including your shortcomings and flaws. Recognize your own value and strengths, and gradually build a healthy sense of self-worth and self-confidence.

3. Broaden your social circles and experiences. Get involved in social activities, community events, interest groups, and more. This will help you expand your social circles and gain new experiences, which can help you feel less anxious in social situations.

4. Learn cognitive restructuring and emotion management. Negative thinking patterns can be changed through cognitive restructuring techniques, which can help reduce the emotional intensity of anxiety and jealousy. At the same time, learning emotion management and regulation techniques, such as deep breathing, relaxation training, mindfulness meditation, etc., can help relieve negative emotions and stress.

In short, to solve the problem of jealousy and social phobia, you need to take active measures to improve your psychological quality and social skills in many ways. I hope this answer is helpful.

Hello, I'm Jialan.

After reading your account, I will share my views and suggestions, which I am confident will be helpful to you!

I admire you! I'm jealous and anxious. What about social phobia? Since I started school, I've always loved comparing myself to others. I'm jealous, and I've also had social phobia for about ten years. It's not easy to keep these traits for more than ten years. You are a rare talent. When someone can repeat something for so long, it's remarkable. How did you do it?

Our brains are amazing. When we feed it certain things, it can accept and execute them. This brain is highly receptive to suggestion. You have an amazing brain.

Next, we give ourselves some hints, reminding ourselves every day that I am a person who loves to laugh, and with the cooperation of our limbs, we persist every day.

You are someone who can get along with everyone. Start going to small gatherings. Participate fully. Stay for at least ten minutes. Then, reward yourself with something you like.

When communicating or meeting, tell yourself that you are a good listener. You understand what others mean and can give them advice.

Tell yourself that you are a person who is willing to accept the merits of others and learn from them. Start with the people around you. Use your discerning eyes to discover the merits of others. Use your intelligent brain to learn from them and apply them to yourself.

You've always been great!

I wish you a happy new year, happiness, and good health!

From your account, it is evident that you are experiencing some psychological challenges. However, there is no need to be overly concerned.

These issues can be addressed through appropriate psychological adjustment and treatment.

The following three aspects are analyzed: jealousy, anxiety, and social fear. It is likely that this is a chain reaction caused by a problem.

It is therefore essential to first identify the underlying causes of these issues in order to develop an effective strategy for addressing them. Once these causes have been established, it will be possible to categorize the individual's situation accurately.

It is crucial to ascertain the underlying causes of your jealousy and social anxiety. This will assist in alleviating your anxiety.

1. Causes of Jealousy

The psychological causes of jealousy include a sense of inferiority, fear, greed, anxiety, a sense of comparison, a lack of security, self-centeredness, a lack of self-confidence, and so on. These psychological causes can all lead to jealousy.

1. Inferiority complex. An inferiority complex is the root cause of jealousy. It is a negative emotion that makes a person feel inferior to others and that they are not as good as others, thus leading to jealousy.

Fear is another psychological cause of jealousy. It instills a sense of apprehension about losing one's current position and status, which can subsequently lead to a jealous mentality.

3. Greed. Another psychological cause of jealousy is greed, which drives people to desire the possessions of others, thereby fostering a jealous mentality.

4. Anxiety. Anxiety is another psychological cause of jealousy, which makes people afraid of losing everything they have and thus develop a jealous mentality.

5. Comparative psychology. Comparative psychology represents another psychological cause of jealousy, whereby individuals compare themselves with others, thereby developing a jealous mentality.

6. Insecurity. Insecurity is another psychological cause of jealousy, which makes people afraid of losing everything they have and thus develop a jealous mentality.

7. Self-centeredness. Self-centeredness represents another psychological cause of jealousy, whereby individuals prioritize their own interests, thereby developing a jealous mentality.

8. Lack of self-confidence. A lack of self-confidence can also be a contributing factor to feelings of jealousy, as it can lead to a fear of losing one's assets and status, which in turn can result in the development of a jealous mentality.

2. Causes of Social Phobia

Social phobia is a persistent, intense, and unreasonable fear that causes the sufferer to exhibit obvious anxiety and fear in social situations, and even symptoms of depression. The incidence of social phobia varies in different countries and regions, but overall, approximately 7% of the global population suffers from it.

The causes of social phobia are complex and may involve biological, psychological, and social factors. From a psychological perspective, the primary causes of social phobia are as follows:

Genetic Factors: Studies have indicated a clear genetic predisposition within families for the onset of social phobia, which suggests that genetic factors may be a significant contributing factor to the condition.

2. Learning factors. The onset of social phobia may be related to the patient's early social learning experiences, such as fear and social exclusion in the family environment.

3. Internal factors: The onset of social phobia may be related to the patient's internal self-awareness, such as a sense of inferiority, self-sensitivity, and poor self-control.

4. External Environmental Factors The onset of social phobia may be related to the patient's external environment, such as social stress and changes in the social environment.

In summary, the causes of social phobia are complex and may involve biological, psychological, and social factors. From a psychological perspective, the primary causes can be attributed to genetic factors, learning factors, internal factors, and external environmental factors.

To summarize, it is essential to identify the underlying cause of your jealousy and social phobia, as this will help to resolve the issue.

It should be noted that the fear mentioned in the narrative is caused by the negative emotions of jealousy, as well as the anxiety and oppression caused by social phobia. Eliminating these two negative emotions will result in a corresponding reduction in feelings of fear.

In conclusion, I would like to offer some advice. At first glance, it seems that your jealousy stems from the fact that others possess advantages over you.

It is essential to learn to accept yourself. It is also important to be aware of the wealth gap that exists in society.

It is essential to strive for personal growth and development. Jealousy should not be used as a means of creating an imbalance in one's emotional state, as this can lead to adverse psychological effects.

Once you have addressed the underlying issues, you will be able to open your heart to make friends and gradually integrate yourself into society. It is important to learn to love, give, and respect others.

Your friendliness or unfriendliness is perceived by those around you. As you enhance your social skills, it will become more straightforward for you to be accepted by the people around you.

Allow yourself to be directed towards a virtuous cycle.

Dear friend, I have read your confessions and I am here to tell you that I understand your confusion. I know you have been troubled for a long time, but I am here to tell you that you are going to be okay! I give you a big hug!

1. You say you are jealous and anxious, and you have social phobia. Why would you label yourself like this? Is it because something happened?

Oh my goodness, you weren't like this from the beginning, were you? I bet you'd love to know what made you like this!

Ever since I started school, I have loved comparing myself to others. I have a strong sense of jealousy, and I have had social phobia for about ten years, which has seriously affected my life. But you know what? I'm working on it!

Guess what! People love to compare. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. Even kids will compare what car their family drove to pick them up today with what car your family drove, and which car is more luxurious. It's just that what's luxurious to a child may be different from what's luxurious to an adult.

It's totally fine if you prefer comparison! It's a great way to get to know yourself better by comparing with others. But if there's a gap after comparison, you can work hard on it and change your mindset, in addition to being jealous.

3. Let's dive deep and explore your specific behavior:

1. You are eager to learn how to eat with more than three people outside your family, you're ready to conquer your fear of other people taking food, you're excited to embrace gatherings, and you're ready to shine in a room full of people talking while eating.

You're afraid of other people taking food because there was an epidemic and you're afraid that other people will pass the virus to you? You feel awkward when other people talk with food in their mouths. Is this your self-perception?

Or is it that other people also feel this way and give you this kind of feedback? Sometimes your fears come from your imagination, and sometimes other people simply don't think this way – it's so interesting how our minds work!

If you want to change, you can try something new! Instead of going out to dinner with a large group of people, why not go with one or two people you know through your hobbies or other channels? It's a great way to expand your social circle!

2. You're not afraid to talk to more than three people! You're just careful about who you talk to. You prefer to talk to two people at a time. You're confident and in control.

Are you afraid of speaking in front of more than three people because you can't attract everyone's attention at the same time and have a conversation with everyone? You are possessive. What do you want to possess?

Do you crave attention? Do you want to be the center of attention?

Or what? You should think about it carefully!

3. You may be afraid of gatherings and meetings, and even of hearing the good things about others. But there's no need to be!

Do you love being the center of attention at gatherings and meetings? Do you get a kick out of hearing others' good things about you?

What are you afraid of when you hear others' good points?

4. You can't stand it when others do well and gloat.

What could be better for you than seeing others succeed? And what could be more rewarding than sharing in their joy?

5. Fear of speaking in public, fear of large crowds. These situations can seriously affect your life, but they don't have to! When you say "speaking in public," do you mean that you can't speak in front of a group of people?

Or maybe you have a public speaking problem?

The good news is that you can overcome your fear of speaking in public! The key is to find the right practice for you. If you're not a social butterfly with lots of experience, that's okay. There are ways to gain confidence and overcome your fear.

Your five questions are very similar, which is great because it means you're already on the right track! Now, you just need to find out what your underlying fear is. These are all superficial. Are you afraid of being humiliated in public? Are you afraid of not being accepted by everyone, or what?

Now, think about it and summarize it for yourself!

I'm so glad you found this helpful! Thanks for reading.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm modest and self-effacing, but I'm also confident and assertive.

There are two essential factors for the existence of jealousy.

⛳️Jealousy is an emotion, and we cannot define it as good or bad. Every emotion has its own soil for existence, and it will also have a certain catalyst. We think jealousy is bad because it makes us suffer.

⛳️Jealousy exists in everyone's heart. It's a natural emotion. We feel schadenfreude when we see other people's successes because we haven't achieved those things ourselves.

⛳️I understand why jealousy can be painful. It's because we don't feel worthy enough inside, we don't want what we don't have, and we are always afraid of being surpassed by others.

Here's some advice for dealing with anxiety:

People with a strong sense of jealousy will have many common characteristics. They focus more on other people, especially those in their own circle. Their gains and losses affect them, but they rarely change their own lives.

⛳️ We must pay more attention and feel more of life in ourselves, focusing on the present. We can solve our problem of not communicating well with others, try to get along with more people, find out the reason we are afraid, and then change.

⛳️ The road to change will be difficult because we always use other people as a reference. Change the reference and it will be easier. For example, compare yourself to your past self. If you have made a little progress compared to yesterday, it is worth being happy and affirmed. This is the easiest way to relieve anxiety.

Hello!

I've read all the suggestions from the many enthusiastic respondents and I'm excited to add some more! I hope they'll help the questioner understand themselves from a more multidimensional perspective and help them sort out their problems.

It's time to reframe those negative emotions and traits like jealousy, anxiety, and social phobia. They can be used to enhance your interpersonal interactions and make it enjoyable for others to spend time with you!

But here's the big question: Why not ditch the behaviors that bring on jealousy, anxiety, and social phobia?

People are creatures that "seek benefits and avoid harm." This means that when something doesn't bring "benefits" or even spiritual gain, it can be tough to persevere. But here's the good news! It can also be said that when we "stubbornly" insist on a behavior that we don't agree with, at a certain level, we are enjoying the sense of pleasure it brings.

1) They are so excited to eat with more than three people outside their family, they just want to make sure there's plenty of food! They're also a little nervous about other people taking food from the plate, gatherings, and other people talking while eating.

2) They're shy and only talk to three people at a time. They love being the center of attention in conversations with two people.

3) Thrilled to be the center of attention at gatherings and meetings.

4) Can't stand to see others do well, and loves to see others have a bit of bad luck!

5) The chance to conquer your fear of speaking in public!

The author gives us some great examples of how rejecting others can generate some pretty intense emotions. Like, they don't even want to eat or talk to anyone other than the three of them! The author thinks this is possessiveness. They're unable to express their sincere gratitude for the good things in other people's lives, so they miss out on sharing in their joy. And when it comes to expressing themselves, they're also unable to express themselves freely because of the pressure of interpersonal relationships.

With a little patience and self-reflection, we can see that what really affects our feelings is not caused by the object (other people and objective things), but most of the time, it is our attitude towards things. It is the way we see ourselves that determines how we treat others. Here, we can understand it as "self-esteem." People with low self-esteem and extremely sensitive personalities are prone to interpret external stimuli as negative information, and feel more anxiety and negative emotions than others. But here's the good news! We can work on improving our self-esteem to feel better about ourselves and our relationships with others.

Let me give you a simple example.

If you're hoping for a "prince charming," get ready to feel jealous when you see others find the ideal partner they have in mind. The prince charming others talk about may not be perfect, but in the eyes of the lovers, their partner becomes the most outstanding person in the world!

So, why do you have feelings of jealousy?

This is how other negative self-related information is reflected through the interpretation of self-information: "I don't have a partner because I'm not attractive enough," "everyone else can find a partner, but not me, I'm worse than everyone else!" But there's another way of looking at it!

When we make infinite assumptions, our emotions are consumed by internal conflict, with constant self-negation and questioning. This makes us even more prone to letting emotions return to calm, with all the hostility directed at the outside world. We refuse to communicate, express ourselves, and fear being judged. But there is a positive side to this!

The positive side of "jealousy" is that it motivates me to improve myself. When I see others' strengths, it makes me work hard to improve my own shortcomings. This is the beneficial side of the emotion of jealousy. People with sensitive personalities and prone to anxiety are prone to feel irritated and pay timely attention to some information that others do not often pay attention to. It is these meticulous and sensitive traits that can capture information that others overlook, and they can have better empathy for others. People who can do this very well, because of their high emotional quotient, can easily complete tasks that others find difficult at work.

So, the good news is that the problem is not whether the questioner is a jealous, sensitive, and anxious person! The even better news is that it is how the questioner handles interpersonal relationships and their relationship with themselves.

A clean, flat road with a few more small stones on it is just fine for everyone!

It's so important to remember that only those who subconsciously regard others as "enemies" will be "stumbled" by these small stones. The good news is that once you're aware of the subconscious "hostility" towards the outside world, you can truly remove the layers of defense, relax, and integrate into the crowd!

Now, recall why you feel so relaxed with your family!

Is it because you can feel a trusting and secure relationship with your family?

Feel again! Why do you constantly feel nervous and anxious when you are with other people?

There may be a fear that one is not good enough and that others will not accept or like them. But there is no need to worry about that! We can simply reject others to avoid facing our inner feelings.

Hearing about the faults of others can be a real source of schadenfreude!

Are my true thoughts really true? Absolutely! But sometimes, when we see flaws in others, it can feel like a weight has been lifted.

So, let's get out of that "trapped door" of the heart! We've got to open ourselves up, accept ourselves, accept our own feelings, acknowledge the existence of feelings, and then we can find the source of the problem based on the most authentic feelings. We'll be able to reconcile with ourselves, and then we'll be able to accept others, allow changes in life, and negative feedback. Because at this time, we have already accepted ourselves, there is no deep-seated sense of conflict.

Wishing you the very best! May your journey be filled with joy and success!

Hello, question asker!

From your description, I can tell that you have a lot of anxiety, but you also have the ability to notice it and look for solutions.

You need to become aware of what is happening and how you are feeling. When did you first feel this way?

Tell me what happened at that time and how you reconciled yourself with it.

Tell me, what kind of strength supports you? What made you not give up in such an uncomfortable situation, but come here to find a solution?

All questions are resources. When we become aware of them, we have begun to awaken and are already on the path to change.

You described that you may have some envy of others, some anxiety, and some social phobia. Give you a warm hug. At the same time, I also want to tell you that everyone has their own confusion. It's okay, as long as you don't give up and don't look for others to break through. You will gain a relaxed and carefree life one day.

Our state of life and psychological situation are related to the education and experiences we have had in our family of origin. This may not be your problem, but you can be sure that if you become aware of it, it will definitely get better and better.

I want you to imagine that a miracle has happened. Your uncomfortable feelings have disappeared, and your life is relaxed and comfortable. What would you have done to make the miracle happen? How would you be different after the miracle?

Who cares who notices the difference?

I don't know your specific situation, but I have some suggestions that I believe will help you.

First, get help from a professional counselor.

It's time to break free from the shackles of negative emotions. We often label ourselves with negative labels, which bind us and prevent us from thriving. Seeking help from educational consultants is the first step. Their professional skills help us explore the root causes in our subconscious minds and create a safe and inclusive environment where we can grow with strength.

You said you are still in school. You can also seek help from your teachers, who are there to support you.

Second, don't label yourself negatively.

Everyone is unique in this world, and it is normal for everyone to have their own troubles and inferiority complexes. We know that these uncomfortable emotions have brought us a lot of negative emotions. If we want to change, we must be brave and cut off our own problems, label them, and keep trying and breaking through. We will live a carefree life.

Then, seek out positive experiences.

Nothing in life is set in stone. We will always encounter confusion of one kind or another, and there will be happy times and unhappy times. When we are immersed in negative emotions and unable to extricate ourselves, we must find positive experiences. That is, we must let the brain be happy and joyful. Record what positive experiences you have had, what you did, and what you felt. Meditate on them, and mentally prompt yourself or empower yourself in some way, so that this feeling of pleasure fills our whole body and makes our body become more and more positive. In this way, we will not be immersed in these negative emotions, and we will dare to take on challenges.

Find hobbies to improve yourself.

I've experienced envy and accidents too. They're caused by a lack of self-confidence. So start with your own interests and hobbies to improve yourself and strengthen your inner self. That way, you can face anything with an open mind. Pursue your own happy life.

I used to be color-blind like you. I didn't know where to look with my eyes when I talked to people, and I didn't know where to put my hands. I was also very uncomfortable when eating. I learned psychology to heal myself in the process of psychology, and I also used some psychological techniques to boost my confidence a lot. So now I am much better at making connections than making money, and I can even be called a social cow.

Next, believe in the power of accumulation.

From your description, I know you are good at discovering the strengths of others. When you see the strengths of others and belittle yourself, you will feel some envy. This is normal. But when you examine it, that is the beginning of change. We must believe that if we are willing to change, we can definitely change. Every day, a little bit at a time, we can compare ourselves with yesterday's self and not with others. Just compare yourself with your past self. Over time, we will become stronger, and we will slowly come to believe in ourselves and be convinced that we can definitely

Finally, learn to release negative emotions.

From your description, it's clear you don't accept your emotions and feelings, or your current situation. This leads to self-negation and an accurate sense of inadequacy. This also shows there are many unexpressed emotions inside you, and you can't face them calmly. Your heart may not have calmed down. We must learn to release our negative emotions. Only by releasing our negative emotions can we adjust our state of mind, accept ourselves, and allow our emotions to appear. This is more conducive to change.

We can do this by talking to someone, coming to this platform, or looking for a counselor to travel and exercise more. This will make our brain happy.

Let me be clear: nobody is perfect. But few people are aware of this and reflect on it. The process of being aware of your constant self-reflection is a form of progress. As long as you are willing to actively seek help from external resources and adjust your inner self, you will sometimes need to pretend to be confident. You will pretend and pretend, and you will become confident. This is a phrase often said by our psychology teacher, so learn to believe in yourself!

I know it takes time to go from knowing to doing, but you can do it. Take it slow and make changes. It's never too late. The most important thing is that you're aware and awakened. You will get better and better. Let's work together.