I am no longer motivated. How can I change my current negative state?

Hello!

I'm so grateful you invited me to answer!

It's been two weeks since I last answered a question, and I feel like the Q&A module has been calling me! It feels so warm and welcoming. So thank you, the questioner, for sending this call and for fostering this warm relationship.

I had already answered every Daily Star question in a row, but for some reason the system didn't open the question for 48 hours, which unfortunately interrupted the continuity of my star answers.

On the bright side, I've also gained some other possibilities! Since I just became a listener in October, I really need to spend time learning and studying cases.

Keep up the great work, and keep making our service better and better!

"No longer that positive self" – we can sometimes feel a little scared when we see ourselves as "no longer" a definition of ourselves. This fear, at the highest level, can sometimes make us feel a little nervous about success.

"No longer that positive self." We can all feel a little afraid when we see ourselves as "no longer" a definition of ourselves. This fear, at the highest level, can cause people to "fear success."

"Good medicine tastes bitter and is good for the disease." The original intention of the lord of suffering may not be to make us fall into it and become unable to extricate ourselves, but to help us break away from the past, liberate ourselves, and move towards the future.

Because our past selves are shaped so much by our original families. It's really important to learn to separate from our parents when we're ready.

But not everyone can see the opportunities that come our way. Sometimes, if we miss them, they can linger for a long time, slowly brewing away.

The old self may have been full of parental expectations. And through diligence, the child could repeatedly satisfy their parents through academic performance. But when you think about it, how many times have we really tasted the joy of learning?

It's so important to remember that learning could have been the most unlimited hobby in our lives. But it has been reduced to exam scores...

The couple didn't argue much, but it seems that the questioner had this lovely idea that a little bickering could really bring them closer together.

It seems like the questioner has this lovely perception that a good argument can really strengthen a relationship.

So you still have the resilience to revitalize your interpersonal relationships!

But you also mentioned "disappointment." I'm curious, did your parents ever disappoint you? Disappointment can have a strong impact on us, don't you think?

When we have the courage to face some of the past scenarios and events that have let us down, we can help ourselves to express them. And you know what? We may be able to find a different definition of "security" than before!

And then, the attachment patterns and sense of belonging were also discussed.

When it comes to children, there's a deep love that comes with it, and that guilt is something we all feel.

It's only natural that a mother's guilt will be keenly sensed and perceived by her child, and the child will also feel guilty.

We are all overloaded sometimes, aren't we? When you are tired of accompanying your child as they grow up, just tell them: there are limits to human capabilities, but the human desire to explore is worth applauding.

A relative, speculative approach is a great way to help kids understand the world around them.

Is being a good daughter, wife, and mother the definition of a good woman? We've all been influenced by the idea of what it means to be a good woman for a long time, shaped by our culture and family traditions.

We can give a whole new meaning to good. Sometimes we laugh at ourselves, sometimes we scold ourselves, all in an effort to establish a sense of boundaries. There is no right or wrong, no good or bad.

There's a whole other side to you!

Just like the moon and the sixpence, deeply rooted, facing the sun, living out the tension of life.

Hello, my name is Qin Ling, and I'm a certified psychology writer and listener. I'm also a cat mom to three adorable fur babies at home!

My home is where the clouds cross the Qinling Mountains. My heart always returns to my hometown. You can see the distant mountains smiling as the river flows on and on.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan.

The questioner said that they currently have no positive thoughts, and when faced with difficulties, they always think about escaping and procrastinating. They feel that they currently have no motivation to face work-related problems, and vent the negative emotions brought on by work on their family. Could this be true?

It is not uncommon for individuals to experience difficulties when faced with challenging work situations or interpersonal issues at the workplace. From the questioner's description, it seems that the primary concern is more of a workplace issue, which has led to the development of negative emotions and a reluctance to address the difficulties in the workplace.

It's important to remember that it's normal to experience negative emotions. We all face challenges and difficult situations in life, and it's natural to feel a range of thoughts and emotions in response. The key for the questioner is to recognize that these feelings won't last forever.

With a reassuring gesture, I hope to offer the questioner a little strength. Given that the questioner posed the question on the platform, it might not be appropriate for me to delve deeply into the questioner's workplace-related concerns. I can, however, offer some straightforward suggestions on how to navigate negative emotions:

It might be helpful to arrange your work in a reasonable way.

It is possible that a significant portion of the work in the workplace is repetitive and complex, and that even tasks assigned by leaders may not directly align with one's current responsibilities. However, in order to complete the job successfully, we often find ourselves adapting to these circumstances when interacting with our leaders.

I'm not sure if the questioner is currently facing a similar situation. It's understandable that some tasks may fall outside of their direct responsibilities, but it seems that they've been assigned these tasks by their leader, which might have led to some challenges. When things don't go as planned, it's natural to experience a range of emotions, including self-blame and negative feelings.

If I might offer my personal advice, it would be that, regardless of the outcome, the questioner should focus on completing the work they are responsible for first and then put off the extra work until later. Even if they are unable to complete it to their own standards, they should discuss the reason with their leader and ask for their understanding. The questioner can use the four-象 method of work to divide the work into important, urgent, important but not urgent, and unimportant and unurgent, and then prioritize them, completing the work at their own pace.

It's important to remember not to blame yourself.

If you find that you are unable to perform your duties adequately through your own efforts, it is important to remember that this is not a reflection of your abilities or character. It is a common experience to have negative thoughts, and it is helpful to recognize that these feelings are not necessarily a sign of personal weakness.

It's possible that you may encounter some challenges at work, and it's understandable if you feel like you don't have anyone to turn to for support. It's natural to have negative thoughts when we're facing difficulties. It's a part of life and work. We can't always maintain a positive and optimistic attitude, but it's important to remember that negative thoughts don't have to linger forever.

It's important to remember that we can't be good at everything. Everyone has their own areas of expertise, and it's not realistic to expect that we'll be excellent at everything 100% of the time. When things aren't going well at work, it's natural to feel a bit down. However, it's important not to blame ourselves for these feelings. Negative thoughts may come and go, but they're not necessarily a bad thing. As long as we don't let them overwhelm us, they're just a normal part of life.

It may be helpful to identify any disturbing negative thoughts that arise.

It would be helpful to understand what causes the questioner to have negative thoughts. Some negative thoughts occur spontaneously, while others are more difficult to identify.

It may be helpful to record any negative emotions that arise in a few words.

It would be helpful to understand what might be causing the questioner to feel negative emotions, such as the feeling that things are not as good as they seem. This could be contributing to the questioner feeling dissatisfied with their surroundings. Could we look into where these negative emotions might be coming from?

It might be helpful to consider whether there is an influence of the family of origin. The questioner can think carefully about where these negative ideas come from.

It may be helpful to note that these negative thoughts could be classified as common cognitive distortions, such as overgeneralization, jumping to conclusions, and being too extreme.

It might be helpful to try to stop negative emotions.

Once you have identified the root cause of your negative emotions, you can begin to work on overcoming them. For instance, if you wake up in the morning with a negative outlook, try to remind yourself that the day may not start well, but it will likely improve as the day goes on.

When you're feeling negative, try not to dwell on it or talk about it. Instead, focus on something positive. With time, you'll get used to it and your outlook will shift.

It would be beneficial to ascertain the underlying cause of these negative emotions.

Could I ask what might be making the questioner feel negative? Is it perhaps the worry about work progress, the worry about children's growth, or the frustration of interpersonal relationships?

It would be beneficial for the questioner to search carefully and be aware of what exactly affects them and makes them feel negative, and to record these feelings on paper.

It would be beneficial to ascertain what may be causing the questioner to feel negative and to identify the underlying cause of these emotions. For instance, if the questioner is experiencing difficulties in their work and their loved one is unable to provide them with the necessary support and comfort, it might be helpful to consider whether they have previously discussed their needs with their leaders and family members.

Could it be that you are seeking to satisfy your own needs? It may be that the lack of satisfaction has led to the development of various negative emotions.

It would be beneficial for the questioner to identify the root cause of their true annoyance in order to make corresponding changes according to their own heart.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider the following:

It might be helpful to try to approach each day with a positive attitude. Perhaps you could try thinking of five happy things first thing in the morning.

It might be helpful to focus on the positive aspects of your life, such as enjoying a pleasant song, watching a good movie, appreciating the aroma of a nice cup of tea, or purchasing something you desired the day before. Reflecting on these positive experiences can help you approach the new day with a more positive outlook.

It may be helpful to consider that a positive mindset could be a foundation for starting a new day, potentially making it more difficult for negative emotions to take root.

You may feel self-conscious about sharing positive thoughts aloud, but research suggests that verbalizing positive thoughts can help you believe in their truth. This can lead to greater happiness and focus, while also reducing the influence of negative thoughts.

It might be helpful to consider learning to accept yourself.

Even if negative emotions arise, it may be helpful to consider engaging in activities that bring you joy and finding meaning in these pursuits. Accepting your emotional state and taking care of yourself when you're feeling low can also be beneficial.

Consider making yourself happy, and you might also consider eating something sweet. Sweet things can make the body happy, and they might also make you feel happy. In any case, it is very important to make yourself happy without hurting others.

If I might suggest, you could perhaps use your spare time to engage in activities that bring you joy. This could help you to temporarily shift your focus away from your current challenges. Gradually, you may find that you start to view negative thoughts in a more positive light, and that you experience more positive emotions. This could have a beneficial effect on your situation, and perhaps even lead to positive outcomes in the future.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Hello, I'm Liang Qingyou.

I don't know if you've noticed, but your question mentions "before" and "now" quite a few times. For example: "In the past, I would try to find solutions and be creative, but now I feel unmotivated. I'm no longer as happy as I used to be, and I have no reason to be happy anymore. I'm very disappointed in my marriage. In the past, I would nag and argue with my spouse, but now I'm too lazy to do so."

I'm just wondering: in the past, how long ago? Did something happen between then and now?

Or maybe something happened that made you feel uneasy, but you didn't realize it at the time. It might have had a significant, unexpected impact on you.

In real life, I've never been someone who's curious about other people's lives. But I am curious. I haven't seen you cite a specific example. You've condensed your story, pain, guilt, and unease into a question description and feelings in two or three hundred words.

On the other hand, examples make it clear what's going on. They show the way I look when I'm helpless, your exaggerated actions, what I said and how you responded, and which of my actions made you feel uneasy and which of your words hurt me. These visible and tangible expressions, body movements, and words make us feel less vague and know where to put our efforts.

I think it's probably on purpose that you didn't give a specific example. When we're talking about personal privacy on a public platform, it can make people feel insecure. It's human nature to want to feel safe and to protect ourselves first. I can relate to that.

What if you didn't write it because you didn't think it was necessary, not because you were trying to be secretive?

It's like you're not aware that the big and small things in life and work may seem insignificant at first, but they can affect us in ways we don't expect. Those little things seep in and slowly influence us, turning us into the person we like or dislike.

A friend of mine was called out by his boss for making mistakes without thinking. He felt pretty bad about it at the time, but he still forced a smile and apologized repeatedly, saying that he appreciated the boss's feedback.

It's been almost six months now, and he hates going to work. It's like going to a funeral. He's got a strong sense of self-esteem and responsibility at work. At first, he didn't even want to believe that this incident had caused him so much distress and a setback.

The key takeaway here is to pay attention to the things that happen around us, one after the other, and see how they affect us little by little.

How can I tell when I'm lacking motivation?

I've taken vague, unmanageable content and turned it into specific actions, like sending notifications, making phone calls, and giving verbal reports. I've also broken down big goals into smaller, more manageable ones that can be easily completed with a little effort.

Once you've done all this, it'll be easier to find a focus for your work. With a focus, you'll know where to start. Then spend another three or five minutes reviewing the day's most impressive events briefly, and write down a few sentences about your insights. Find a sense of accomplishment, and your work motivation will slowly come out as well.

When it comes to work, start with specific, easy-to-implement things. When it comes to children or marriage, you can also try to describe less in general terms and pay more attention to the details of your interactions. Look for the reasons and breakthroughs that trouble you in specific things.

I don't know if I'm just making assumptions or if what I'm saying is irrelevant to you. If that's the case, I hope you can forgive me!

Best regards,

This little friend is here for you!

Hello!

You said that you used to be happy, positive, and full of positive energy, but now you are disappointed, negative, and self-doubting. I think everyone's emotional state curve will have a cycle of change, like waves ebbing and flowing, swinging back and forth between happiness and depression. But don't worry! This is totally normal. It's just a natural part of life.

We all have ups and downs, and that's totally normal! Sometimes we feel like we can do anything, and other times we feel like we're worthless. Our moods can be sunny one minute and dark the next. As long as it's not long-lasting and you're unable to get out of a low mood, which seriously affects your life, there's no need to worry too much.

Psychologically speaking, we all live in a relational dimension. People are the product of relationships. No one is an island! Your question doesn't touch on the relational environment in your life. But it's a great place to start! Think about whether your relational environment is supportive, with many rules and requirements. Is it tolerant or strict?

Are they close or somewhat distant?

I absolutely believe that when you are in deep trouble and have no way to deal with external or internal pressures, or no way to regulate yourself, you can seek support and help from family and friends around you. And if your emotional state bothers you for a long time, you can also seek help from a psychologist. You don't need to, and you don't have to, fight alone.

Wishing you all the best!

I previously shared this sentiment: 1. When confronted with complex tasks, the body's self-preservation mechanism activates, leading to avoidance and procrastination. This indicates excessive pressure or fatigue at work, necessitating adjustments. Either modify your approach or utilize strategic methods to enhance efficiency and foster a sense of well-being.

2. A sense of unhappiness, guilt towards children, and dissatisfaction with marriage are indications that you are unhappy with your current situation. These feelings are important to address. They show that your external environment is influencing you, and your current environment is causing you to feel a sense of powerlessness and unhappiness. Dissatisfaction is also a sense of pain and suffering. Therefore, you need the help of others. I believe you also enjoy reading, and you are aware of this. Therefore, I suggest the following on this platform: 1. If you have physical discomfort, such as insomnia, a sense of physical weakness, or pain, you can go to the hospital and see a professional doctor (such as a traditional Chinese medicine doctor or a psychologist). If you have no physical symptoms or only minor discomfort, you can seek counseling from a psychological counselor. 2. You are unable to cope with the pressure of the external environment, so you need to develop your inner self. Vitality also refers to inner strength. Plants with strong vitality will break through rocks and grow into towering trees. Therefore, inner strength is very important. It is suggested that you can cultivate inner peace in the following ways: practice yoga, and do breathing exercises.

I hope you can feel some warmth and support from me, and I hope my answer can be helpful to you.

As a mother and wife, I can totally relate to how you're feeling. I've been in your shoes before, and even though I've moved on, the feelings at the time were intense. I know how helpless, sad, and painful it was. I hug you again. I believe that as long as we make some adjustments, everything will get better and better.

It's tough for us to juggle work, family, and education. In today's world, women have a lot on their plates. They're expected to take care of their partners and kids while also pursuing their own careers. It's a challenge to excel in both areas. Sometimes, if we're too focused on work, we might neglect our families. Conversely, if we're too preoccupied with our families, it can impact our professional growth. What we need is a balance. We need to figure out how to strike a healthy work-life balance. At certain points, we should prioritize our families. At other times, we should focus on our careers. This approach can help us feel more comfortable. Life is full of challenges and setbacks. We'll face difficulties and pain along the way. However, we'll also gain valuable insights, grow, and experience joy.

My advice to you is:

Find a balance between your work and family life. Let go of things you can put off for now and focus your energy on what you need to deal with now.

When we were younger, we all learned in political theory class that we should always focus on the main contradiction. We should follow the principle of prioritizing important matters. Once we have dealt with the most important things, we won't feel so torn up.

It really depends on the age of the child, because kids have different needs at different ages.

From a psychological standpoint, the period before age three is crucial for a child's sense of security. During this time, the child needs timely and accurate feedback from parents, especially the mother, to feel secure. This is particularly important for their future independence. Once the child adjusts to kindergarten life, we have more time for ourselves during the day. In primary school, as the learning tasks become more challenging, it's also a crucial period for developing good study habits and a love of learning. Therefore, in the evening, we need to spend more time with the child and guide them. In junior high school, as the child enters adolescence, we need to let them grow and just provide some companionship, support, and encouragement. Later, when the child grows up, we'll have more time and space for ourselves. At this time, we can devote more time to our career development and work.

So, you need to figure out where you are right now and then make some changes to your work and life based on what's going on, and focus on the most important things first. That way, when the main conflict is resolved, your heart will be more stable and in sync.

2. Learn to accept and understand yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. We're all imperfect, so just do your best and go with the flow.

I believe you are already doing your best, but we all have limited abilities and energy. It is really difficult to do a lot of work and take care of the children and family at the same time. There is no need to blame and attack yourself. What we need more is to understand, accept, and recognize ourselves.

If you constantly blame and attack yourself, you'll start to dislike yourself more and more. And when you don't like yourself, it's hard to feel others' affection for you. When you start to learn to accept, understand, and support yourself, you'll start to like yourself more and more. And when you like yourself, you'll have lower expectations of others and feel more of their affection for you.

I suggest you read the books Rebuilding Your Life and Accepting Your Imperfect Self, as well as an article I wrote on self-acceptance. It contains specific steps for practicing self-acceptance, which you can refer to to help you improve your self-acceptance and become a better version of yourself.

3. Don't carry your stress, and don't suppress your emotions. It's important to release them in a timely manner to allow your emotions to flow.

It's not good to suppress your emotions or let them build up. You need to let them out somehow. Just as we need to eat every day to get the nutrients our bodies need, we also need to give our minds a chance to relax and recharge.

The Chinese medicine saying "pain indicates blockage" also applies to emotions. When we're feeling emotional pain, it's often because we've got some blocked emotions that need to be released. The good news is that when we release our emotions and allow them to flow, we'll naturally feel less painful.

Here's an "emotional relief prescription" that you can use to regularly relieve your emotions in the following ways:

1. Spend time with the right people and talk about your concerns. It's important to choose friends who can offer support and encouragement, and who you feel comfortable with.

1. Spend time with the right friends and talk about your worries and confusions. It's important to choose friends who can support you and encourage you, and who you feel comfortable with.

2. Get some exercise, do those sports you like, and relax at the same time.

3. Writing therapy: Just write down all your feelings and thoughts on paper. Don't worry about whether your handwriting is neat and tidy, or about the logic of the content. Just express your feelings as much as you like.

4. Punching pillows and sandbags to release your anger by hitting soft objects.

Another option is the empty chair technique, which can be a useful way to release emotions. Simply place an empty chair in a room and assume that the person you want to confide in is sitting in it. You can then express yourself to the chair, whether it's anger or abuse.

Just a heads-up: The above is for reference only. Best wishes!

Greetings, Xiaosha. I am Zeyu.

You indicate that you perceive a change in your emotional state, noting a shift away from the positivity you previously exhibited. You describe experiencing difficulty in achieving tranquility and focus when engaged in tasks, particularly when confronted with complex work. Instead of seeking solutions and embracing creativity, you report a tendency to avoid such challenges and postpone tasks.

What occurred during the interim period? Did a change take place, or did you abruptly lose motivation?

Fluctuations in bodily energy may be indicative of underlying issues. A shift from a positive to a procrastinating state may be a manifestation of bodily or emotional distress, prompting a need for attention. In such instances, it is beneficial to cultivate awareness of one's bodily sensations and strengthen the connection with the body.

A comparison of the present with the past reveals a deterioration in all aspects of life. However, while acknowledging the discrepancy and the changes that have occurred, it is also essential to consider the impact of external factors on the individual, including interpersonal relationships, the work environment, work status, and the influence of the broader environment on the individual. It is important to recognise that people and their environment are inextricably linked.

Our physical and mental state, as well as our perception of events, directly influence our emotional state and our evaluation of the matter at hand. Our emotional state, in turn, is shaped by our perception of the matter, rather than by the intrinsic characteristics of the event itself.

A horizontal comparison may lead to the conclusion that one is still performing well, but a comparison with past results will inevitably yield the opposite conclusion: that one is performing poorly. This result will directly affect one's self-judgment and subsequent actions.

Let us now undertake a simple assessment. If we were to rate our emotional state on a scale from 1 (indicating the lowest level of emotional well-being) to 10 (indicating the highest level of emotional well-being), how would you rate your emotional state at the present moment? If you were to assign yourself a very low score and believe that your emotional state will not improve, it would be advisable to seek the assistance of a psychologist. If we were to assign ourselves a medium rating, we could attempt to alter our perception of events by modifying our interpretation of them.

One may record emotional changes through previous awareness, sort out the causes, processes, and results that give rise to negative emotions, and then use reality testing to check the veracity of these ideas individually. One may also attempt to identify cases and related experiences that can negate these negative emotions with the help of past experiences and external resources, with the aim of addressing current problems.

The fluctuations of emotions, the flow of energy, and even the state of the body and mind can influence one's behavior in reality. In the event of unfavorable outcomes, it is possible to initially accept the self in the present moment and the prevailing circumstances, and then endeavor to regain an optimal state.

It is my sincere hope that Xiaosha will be able to resume a normal lifestyle and regain their sense of purpose with minimal delay.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to help!

You're going through some growth challenges. Let me give you another warm hug.

After a while, we might feel like we're just doing tasks and checking off boxes at work.

But why not try a different approach to your work?

For instance, even if the work is pretty complex, you might have taken on tasks that weren't really yours to do.

If you think negatively about your work, you'll feel unmotivated.

But what if you switch up your mindset?

Even though I took over work that wasn't mine, and it might have been from another department,

But at least I learned something. I know how my unit works as a whole now.

It's easy to get upset when you're feeling unhappy, especially when things don't go well.

I think it would be a good idea for you to clear your negative emotions on a regular basis.

You might want to consider taking up sports.

For instance, running or walking are both great options.

The best part is that it's the simplest form of exercise, and you don't have to worry about location or time. All you need is a pair of sports shoes.

When you exercise, your body produces endorphins and dopamine, which make you feel really happy.

You might feel guilty towards your kids because you feel like you haven't been able to give them the best.

As it happens, I grew up in a similar situation.

At the time, my father was often away on business trips to Singapore. Later, he was diagnosed with an illness during a physical exam, so my mother had to go with him on every trip.

When they got back from work trips, they'd buy me the best winter coats and handbags, but those were just material things.

Material things can't meet a child's spiritual needs.

It's important to remember that when they're young, kids just want their parents' love and attention. That's something you can't replace with material things.

You're really disappointed in your marriage, but you're just too tired to argue with your husband.

I don't think arguing is the best way to solve problems. And I don't think my partner likes listening to me nag.

When couples have problems in their marriage, it's best to solve them using the method of "nonviolent communication."

If you feel like your husband isn't pulling his weight, you might say something like, "Why don't you do this or that?" But when he hears you say that, he'll probably just defend himself.

You might want to try a different approach when communicating with your husband.

For instance, you could say, "I know you've been working all day and are tired; you've put in a lot of effort. But I still hope you'll do this and that..."

When your husband hears you say this, he'll feel more consideration from you. He'll then be more open to communicating with you instead of arguing.

This Lunar New Year, Mr. Sun Quanhang put together a series of videos on effective communication between couples.

If you're interested, you can check it out.

You've offered a reward of up to $100 RMB, probably hoping that the answerers can give you some kind of solution that will solve all your current problems at once.

However, these issues have gradually built up over time, which has led to the current situation.

It'll take some effort and time to solve it, and it can't be explained in a few words.

The bottom line is that it all starts with you.

We can only give you some concrete suggestions. Whether you decide to take them or not depends on whether you're ready to make a change.

There's a saying in psychology that whoever changes, suffers.

Often, the hardest part is changing yourself at the beginning.

But you'll only get unexpected rewards if you take action.

I really hope the questioner can find a good solution to the problem they're facing soon.

That's all I've got for now.

I hope my answer was helpful and inspiring for you, the questioner. I'm the one who answered, and I'm learning something new every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love you. Best wishes!

Be happy now! Be grateful for this moment.

You're confused and feel powerless. You want to give up, but you can't.

These states don't form overnight, so it takes patience to resolve them. When it comes to work, you may want to avoid and procrastinate because you've encountered resistance. Coupled with your poor state of mind and emotions, you don't want to face the challenge head-on. Then you can think about whether you are suitable for this job, what kind of job you want to have, and whether you can change jobs.

Are you anxious and irritable? Is it due to menopause or other factors? Have you tried talking to your anxiety to understand it? Do you think your abilities are not up to your expectations? Can you handle the consequences even if the worst happens?

Guilt is not helpful for children. It makes them feel pressured. If you have done something wrong to your child, talk to them. Apologize if you need to. Accept that you are not perfect.

Don't judge yourself for not being perfect as a parent. Your honesty will help your child forgive you.

Communication is still needed in marriage, but it requires skills. Learning about marriage, family education, communication, and The Five Love Languages can help you improve your relationship.

Or find someone to talk to and work things out together.

Finally, take a break from the long-term stress. It is normal for long-term dual stress at work and in life to cause these states in you.

Rest is the best way to feel better. Keep a mood diary to understand and manage your emotions.

Praising yourself and helping others will make you more positive.

I hope this helps. Best wishes!

Hello, questioner. Thank you for your positive question and reward, which has encouraged me to respond in a similarly positive manner. I am relatively new here, and I must say that I was quite surprised by the amount of the reward and the number of people who responded to your question.

I respect your opinion, but I have a different take. You seem to be a very positive person. I'm just kidding. Life can change from playing the piano, chess, calligraphy, painting, poetry, wine and flowers, to cooking, paying the rent, taking care of the kids, arguing with your partner, leaving a mess behind. No one is invincible.

Perhaps it would be beneficial for everyone to take a moment to cry. It's likely that no one is born knowing how to make a feather duster.

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider some forms of self-care.

I see you talking about your work, your life, and your self-blame, but I wonder if you might also consider mentioning how you take care of yourself, your mood, and your body. Do you still buy yourself flowers often? Do you still go on a spontaneous trip?

If you find yourself without teammates or children on a weekend when you're feeling tired and scared, you might consider going out for a drink alone or going for a spa treatment.

If you don't feel happy in life, it's important to remember that life is full of challenges. It's essential to find ways to enjoy life outside of work. You deserve to have fun! Let's be companions in the red dust and enjoy ourselves.

[Regain motivation]

Consider letting go of the heavy soot that life has gathered in your heart, and the sense of responsibility that says "no one else can do it but me." Even if you're gone, the world will keep turning, but the world with you in it will spin with the wind, the songs will be light, and may you return after only half a day still the same Nezha, with three heads and six arms, sweeping away all the trivial matters.

I'm listening, teacher Zhang Huili. I truly hope I can be of some help to you. May my words kindle the passion that has faded in your heart, may my voice warm your tired eyes, and if you find my answer useful, please click like and then go.

Good morning, I hope this message finds you well. I just wanted to reach out and ask you a few questions.

From your description, I sense that you are currently experiencing a range of challenging emotions, including confusion, powerlessness, and other uncomfortable feelings. Could you please share what may have led to this shift in your emotional state?

From your description, it seems that you used to be very positive and optimistic, but now you are surrounded by negative emotions, which make you feel powerless. I wonder if I might ask what kind of strength supports you, allowing you to come here to pour out your feelings and find a breakthrough?

From your description, it seems that you may be experiencing some dissatisfaction with the current situation and an inexplicable sense of guilt towards your child. Is that an accurate interpretation?

From your description, it seems that your marriage may be a source of disappointment, which could potentially contribute to your current feelings of powerlessness and confusion.

Life has its challenges, and we all face difficulties from time to time.

It's important to remember that problems are not something to be afraid of. It's helpful to find ways to respond to problems in a timely manner. In this situation, it might be beneficial to gain a deeper understanding of the underlying reasons behind your current feelings. It would also be valuable to reflect on what has led to this point.

Perhaps it would be helpful to clarify what you want and what you need to do.

Ultimately, it would be beneficial for you to take action.

I believe that by coming here, you have already taken a step towards a breakthrough and are on the path to change.

If there were a miracle and you woke up tomorrow morning to find your life was comfortable and you had regained that wonderful feeling you once had, what would you do to regain that feeling? If you were to regain that wonderful feeling, would it be any different from the present?

Perhaps it would be helpful to consider who might notice your change.

I'm not sure of the specifics of your situation, but I hope that sharing some advice based on your negative emotions might be helpful.

If I might suggest, it would be beneficial to start by becoming more aware, and then adjusting your mindset.

In life, we may sometimes feel tired and defeated by small details. If you would like to make a change, it might be helpful to be more aware of these details. Then you can adjust your mentality according to these details and try not to let yourself care too much about anything.

It would be beneficial to consider that a good attitude is a necessity in our lives. It is possible that only when we have a good attitude can we deal with bad emotions and difficulties in a timely manner.

If I may make a suggestion, I think you might find it helpful to read Wang Yangming's Heart School. As the saying goes, the more difficult the situation, the more important it is to adjust your state of mind. This book could be a useful resource for you in that regard.

And for children, it's not just about what you give them; they really benefit from your company. What children need is the best.

In a marriage, it may be helpful to try to adjust your own attitude and behavior, and allow your true self to shine through. This can often lead to positive changes in the relationship.

Secondly, it may be helpful to consider the use of positive mental suggestions.

Life is not always straightforward. We will always encounter things that make us sad and upset us, and these negative emotions can sometimes prevent us from moving forward. If we want to change, we can try using positive mental suggestions to adjust ourselves. We can use positive words or states to counteract those negative emotions, and in this way, we can return to an optimistic and positive state of mind.

When you are in a positive frame of mind, you may find that you are able to bring a positive energy to your child. In addition, your family may no longer present you with the same challenges, as your mindset has shifted and the environment around you has also changed.

It may also be helpful to learn to release negative emotions.

It is natural to experience a range of emotions in life. Everyone has their own unique emotions, but if we don't know how to release them and let them accumulate inside us for a long time, it can have an impact on our body and mind. Learning to let go of these negative emotions is an important step. One way to do this is through exercise. The challenge of exercising releases dopamine in the brain, which creates a sense of pleasure. It is not only a way to express and release emotions, but it also makes us feel more comfortable. It is an effective way to manage negative emotions.

You might consider talking to someone, chatting with someone, and then talking to relatives and friends who are more familiar with you and who can help you. Talking it out can help you vent your emotions and may offer some help. In the process of talking, you may discover and find some problems that can also be changed.

It would be beneficial to learn to communicate well.

It is worth noting that some of the challenges and discomforts we experience in life may stem from our difficulty in communicating and maintaining privacy over our thoughts. It is not uncommon for situations to unfold differently than we anticipate, and our perceptions may not always align with reality. In the context of a marriage, it is essential to cultivate effective communication skills, demonstrate patience, and recognise that we cannot change others. Instead, we can focus on changing ourselves, which can then influence our partner. This requires effective communication and setting a positive example.

When learning to get along with your son-in-law, you may find yourself facing some confusion. It is not uncommon to feel that communication with family members is not always straightforward. This is because the structure of men and women is inherently different, and no marriage or partnership is perfect. If you would like him to do something, it may be helpful to consider whether you could satisfy his needs in some way. He can satisfy your desires, so it is worth thinking about how you can use the model of communication well, pay more attention to his needs, and also be able to satisfy your desires. It may be beneficial to try to do this openly and without bottling things up. This could be a good place to start in terms of communication.

It may be helpful to consider seeking support from external resources.

In life, we may sometimes feel overwhelmed by negative emotions and find it challenging to move forward. This is a normal part of the healing process. When we are unable to move forward, it can be helpful to seek support from external resources. Here, you can connect with professional counselors who may use professional psychological techniques to help you explore your subconscious and create a peaceful environment where you can find the strength to make positive changes.

If I might make one more suggestion, it would be to try tuning in to your heart and following your heart. It might also help to learn to relax and empty your mind.

It would be beneficial to learn to love and accept yourself. It is also important to remember that you are the most important person for your child.

Greetings.

In order to regulate emotional stress, it is recommended to pat one's shoulder, take a deep breath, relax the body and mind, and shift one's attention from the external world to the self. What changes might occur as a result? When one is highly dissatisfied with oneself, there is a greater likelihood of finding fault and becoming harsh, as well as difficulty in attaining peace in the present moment. This is the anxiety alarm triggered when one's inner balance is disrupted.

In the absence of positive motivation, it is challenging to achieve a state of calm, which can subsequently lead to feelings of depression. What is the recommended course of action in such a scenario?

I perceive a shift in my emotional state, accompanied by a diminished capacity for positive affect. When engaged in cognitively demanding tasks, I experience difficulty in achieving a state of calm and focus. In the past, I would attempt to identify solutions and employ creative strategies; however, I currently lack the motivation to do so.

Furthermore, I have observed a decline in my emotional well-being. Despite the absence of any apparent cause, I find myself experiencing feelings of irritability and anxiety, as well as a proclivity towards anger in response to seemingly inconsequential matters.

It is evident that when an individual is highly satisfied with themselves and experiences a sense of comfort, they are more inclined to open their hearts and accept information from the external world. Conversely, a turbulent, unstable, threatening, and anxious situation is more likely to trigger defensive mechanisms, leading to suspicion of others. This, in turn, results in self-loathing, fear of change, refusal to change, and a pervasive sense of dread about life.

The metaphor of a balloon filled with air illustrates the concept of emotional stress. When a balloon is filled to its maximum capacity, any external pressure will cause it to deflate. Conversely, a balloon that is less full will gradually lose air when subjected to external pressure. This can be likened to the experience of an adult who is under a great deal of internal pressure. If the internal pressure is too great, the individual may experience a range of negative emotions, including sensitivity, vulnerability, stress, fear, and disappointment.

This state of mind is typically associated with stressors originating from one's external environment or childhood experiences. For instance, when a wife endeavors to create a happy and fulfilling life but her family consistently disregards her efforts or fails to recognize crucial information, she may perceive a sense of neglect, leading to heightened stress and a desire to escape. Furthermore, if the wife grew up in a family where her emotions and feelings were persistently overlooked and she lacked the necessary emotional feedback and care, she may also experience feelings of loneliness and helplessness. However, these experiences are often unconscious and can collectively contribute to a state of anxiety.

The question thus arises as to how one might regulate emotional stress.

The initial step is to learn to accept oneself. It is imperative to recognize that every individual is imperfect. This necessitates the ability to accept oneself and to care for oneself. Despite the inherent imperfections in life, it is possible to provide oneself with support and self-confidence on a spiritual level. One can cultivate a positive attitude towards oneself and enhance the experience of happiness.

In addition, children may experience feelings of guilt, perceiving themselves as inadequate and unable to provide their offspring with superior familial circumstances and a commendable example.

I am disheartened by the state of my marriage. In the past, I would engage in frequent disagreements with my partner, but I have since become less inclined to do so.

I am dissatisfied with my current self. How should I proceed?

For example, parents often experience feelings of guilt and remorse towards their children. This is because they strive to provide their children with an optimal living environment, driven by their intrinsic desire to do so. However, parents are also ordinary individuals in real life. They endeavor to offer their children the greatest love and sense of security, with the hope that their children can flourish. This is beyond reproach. Nevertheless, parents can still adhere to their own pace, provide care for their children, and avoid self-penalization, overwhelming pressure, and the sacrifice of their own feelings. For children, happy parents serve as the most exemplary role models.

Secondly, it is essential to cultivate the ability to grow and learn about marriage, as well as to enhance communication skills.

In the context of interpersonal relationships, it is often recommended that individuals communicate with calmness and honesty when problems arise. However, when problems do occur, many individuals tend to retreat into their own "safe zone" and communicate with a protective shield, which can impede understanding and lead to hurt feelings on both sides. This avoidance of communication can perpetuate the problem rather than resolve it.

It is evident that the issue will resurface and continue to disrupt our lives when we least expect it. Attempting to circumvent or abandon the problem is futile. To resolve the internal conflict, we must muster the courage to confront our emotions and develop a stronger sense of self-acceptance. Even if the problem persists, we can utilize heightened awareness to examine the underlying "unhappiness" and foster a more positive outlook.

Best wishes for success and resilience!

Hello!

I can feel the deep loneliness from the bottom of your heart through your words, and it's so moving! The daily hassles you describe are like warning bells, reminding you at every turn that "I'm in deep fear, but I can't explain it, and no one else can understand..."

How long has this amazing journey lasted? How did you manage to get through it?

Now that you've answered these questions, what else would you like to try for yourself? Who can be there for you when you feel like you can't take it anymore?

These are the kinds of questions that need someone to sit there quietly and listen to you as you talk about them, even if they don't offer any advice or solutions, just a warm ear to listen to. This is a common scene in a counseling room, and it's a great one!

If you cannot find support around you, find a counselor you feel safe with. You can do this! Give yourself a space to catch your breath before you feel like you're about to collapse. You've got this!

Loneliness is often associated with rejection, but there's so much more to it than that!

When we are in a state of extreme loneliness, we want to hide so that we will not be hurt again. This self-isolation will make us move further and further away from people, and in severe cases, we will shut ourselves away completely.

If you are unable to get out of this state, professional intervention is the answer! They can work with us to understand what those unspeakable hurts really are. What do these hurts mean?

What are we missing out on by staying in? What are we afraid of being rejected?

I suspect that something very important must have happened in your life. Come and talk to a trusted counselor as soon as possible to help yourself get out of your predicament. You don't have to hold those "secrets" in your heart with extraordinary effort. When you release them, you'll feel a wonderful sense of relief. The feeling of rejection and negation will melt away, and you'll be free from their hurtful grip.

➰➰Go for it! Let the counselor be your source of warmth and support in this moment! ??

Hello!

You've got so much on your mind, and it's understandable that it's making you feel anxious, miserable, and like you don't like yourself. But you're going to get through this! Let me give you a warm hug from afar to help you feel a little better.

We can sense that you are a positive person and someone who demands perfection from yourself. You want to be a successful career person, an excellent parent, and have a perfect marriage—and you will be!

We can sense that you are a positive person and one who demands perfection from yourself. You have big dreams! You hope to become a successful career person, an excellent parent, and have a perfect marriage.

So, when you feel that you have procrastinated and avoided work, you become emotionally anxious and self-critical. At the same time, you think that you have not provided better family conditions and role models, and you feel some guilt towards your child and disappointment in your marriage. But you know what? You can change all of that!

The fact that you want to change your situation shows that you are a responsible person. You are just suffering from not knowing how to change, which is causing you greater anxiety. But you can change!

Let's dive in and analyze the reasons together!

Let's dive in and analyze the reasons together!

From your account, I can see that the root cause of the series of grievances you mentioned is actually dissatisfaction at work. I can also see that your inability to accept your own procrastination and avoidance in the face of complicated work has led to self-negation.

From your account, we can see that the root cause of the series of grievances you mentioned actually comes from dissatisfaction at work. This is an excellent opportunity for you to learn and grow! Your inability to accept your own procrastination and avoidance in the face of complicated work has led to self-negation. This is something you can work on and improve!

Embrace the challenge of resolving things as an opportunity to grow and learn. While it may lead to a shift in your happiness levels and the emergence of some negative emotions, such as restlessness, anxiety, and anger over trivial matters, it's a chance to develop resilience and strength.

And feeling inadequate and guilty about your children.

Because the information is incomplete, I don't know if something happened before you noticed the change in yourself. But if your change was caused by external factors, then it was the cause of the change, not you!

The great news is that as long as the external cause is gone, you are still the same amazing person you were before!

I'm so excited to share my advice with you!

If there is no external cause for your change, that's okay! My advice is:

1. Accept yourself!

(1) First, accept your own imperfections — and celebrate them!

The great news is that not everyone has to be good enough! And being "good enough" is not the only way to be a role model for your children.

Embrace your imperfections! They make you real. Mistakes and errors are all part of the journey to becoming the best version of yourself.

The way you try to get up again after these "small setbacks" will also be a role model for your child. Imagine how inspiring it would be for your child to hear you say, "I was once lazy too, but I worked hard to get out of it." They'll be able to learn more from you about the courage and methods to face difficulties!

(2) Embrace your avoidance and procrastination!

It's totally normal to experience work burnout and emotional ups and downs. It's part of being human! And it's in our genes to procrastinate and avoid difficult and complicated tasks.

Embrace this instinctive reaction of yours! Don't be anxious or self-critical about your escape. Reduce mental internal friction and focus on the task at hand.

Life is a marathon, and so is work! You can't expect to run this marathon at the speed of a 100-meter sprint, but you can still do it!

When we are tired and worn out, it's time to slow down, relax, and recharge!

2. Do sports and things you are interested in!

From your message, I can tell you're going through a rough patch. These emotions come from work, and in turn affect your work and life, creating a vicious cycle. But don't worry! I'm here to help.

Until you can temporarily solve your work and life troubles, I suggest you try exercising! It's a great way to release emotions and produce dopamine, which can increase brain excitability and help you solve work problems.

Or try something new and exciting! Do something that interests you, such as a hobby, to get yourself out of a low mood.

3. Adjust your state of mind and find the experience of success!

Our instincts to face an enemy, attack, or run away were given to us during evolution. You said that before, you would find a way to solve it and be innovative. Now, you have the opportunity to try something new!

Perhaps you previously felt capable of solving this problem, so you chose to take on the challenge. Now you've chosen to avoid it, perhaps because you feel internally that you're not capable of solving these difficulties. But you can change that!

So, what you really need to do is focus on your feelings and thoughts when you're facing those tricky difficulties at work.

Your previous success is actually a fantastic resource for solving problems!

There's a fantastic way to do this! Before tackling difficult problems, take a little time to recall your proudest successes at work and feel the incredible sense of success you felt then.

Bringing this successful experience to work will skyrocket your inner confidence and help you face and solve the most complicated difficulties at work. This method has been recommended by many successful people in different industries, so you've got to give it a try!

When you can freely solve practical problems at work and see your own value, you'll be amazed at how this will resolve any emotional problems and guilt you may have towards your children!

4. Adjust expectations and communicate sincerely

You're absolutely right! You're also a bit disappointed in your marriage. You used to nag at your spouse, but now you don't even bother. This is actually a kind of passive resistance after failing to change the other person, which is even more detrimental to the development of intimate relationships. But don't worry! There's a solution.

Let's change our mindset! As we said before, we should accept our own imperfections and our partner's imperfections. Let's adjust our expectations of our marriage and our partner. Instead of trying to change the other person, let's use a more peaceful way to work together to manage our marriage!

And there's another thing! When you're disappointed in others, you're actually disappointed in yourself too! So, when things go well at work, you'll be able to communicate well with your loved one!

I really hope these suggestions will be helpful for you! Have a great day, and I love you!

Hello, question asker!

Let's change your current negative state together!

"In the past, I would try to find solutions and be creative, but now I feel unmotivated." This shows that the questioner has high expectations of himself and a strong ability to self-reflect.

Your ideal self is always pushing you to be your best self! This can lead to you testing your actions and results in reality, which is a great way to learn and grow.

The gap between ideals and reality has led to feelings of "feeling changed, no longer the same positive self, now it is difficult to calm down when doing things, and when faced with complicated work, there is more avoidance and procrastination." But don't worry! This is totally normal. It's just your brain adjusting to new circumstances.

The human brain is in a state of tension, and the brain secretes chemicals that keep us in a state of passion and strive to accomplish what we want to do. But over time, the brain will get tired, and our motivation will diminish.

The tiredness of the brain will be reflected in physical discomfort, and we will naturally choose to react passively: to escape and procrastinate. This is the body's way of protecting itself, so let's give it what it needs!

So, go ahead and rest when you're tired! Accept yourself, and don't be too hard on yourself. Then, say to yourself, "I can stop for a while and appreciate life." When you slow down, become aware of your emotions, and think about what your needs are behind the annoyance, anxiety, and anger,

It's an exciting question! Have others not met your needs, or have you not met your own needs?

Let's figure out which of these needs are reasonable and which are not! And let's also figure out which of the problems you have you can solve and which are beyond your control.

It's totally reasonable to express our feelings and needs to our family members! Many people find it difficult to express their needs for various reasons, such as thinking that their partners should know what they want, or being hindered by their pride. But it's so important to communicate!

This situation can be expressed through written communication, which is a great way to get your thoughts out there. It might not be as effective as face-to-face communication, but it's definitely better than keeping it all in and secretly hurting.

"I still feel a sense of guilt towards the children, but I'm learning to let it go. I know I'm doing my best to provide them with a loving and supportive family environment, and I'm confident that we're creating a great foundation for their future." For the children, having a stable and secure financial situation can certainly give them a leg up in life.

But the absolute best gift parents can give their children is to teach them to love! The best kind of love is to be there for them and treat them gently.

You can help your child grow up to be happy and healthy by controlling your emotions, not getting angry when your child misbehaves, and not transferring your anxiety and irritability to your child.

"I'm very disappointed with my marriage. In the past, I would nag and argue with my spouse, but now I'm too lazy to do so." Someone once said that marriage is a kind of spiritual practice, and that perfecting one's character through spiritual practice is a lifelong endeavor.

Similarly, we can use words to describe facts instead of nagging and arguing to express our feelings or the other person's feelings and then make requests.

In the process of communication, remember not to generalize the other person's character just because of one thing. Don't be so quick to blame the other person or demand things from them. Instead, try to see the other person's side of things and communicate in a more harmonious way.

And then there's the fact that the idealized marriage is difficult to achieve in real life. But you've already got children, and your marriage has passed the passion stage and entered the attachment stage, raising your children together!

During this period, it's important to remember that marriage is not the whole of life. It's a great opportunity to pursue your own interests and have your own time and space to do the things you are interested in!

Spend half an hour every day taking a walk together, talking about work and life, go on vacation together when you have time, and add some sense of ritual to enhance your relationship. The books "The Five Love Languages" and "Nonviolent Communication" are a great way to get started!

Classify the complicated tasks, solve the urgent and important ones first, and do the rest afterwards. Tackle things one by one and watch the magic happen!

Another thing you can do to make your life better is to lower your expectations. This includes your own expectations, your family's expectations, and your children's expectations. When you lower your expectations, you'll find it's easy to meet them. You'll also find it's easy to see the good in your family, and your happiness index will be relatively high!

I really hope it helps!

Wishing you all the best!

Good morning, my name is Xin Tan and I am Coach Fei Yun.

I understand your predicament and the challenges you're facing. You're frustrated with your lack of positivity, procrastination, and motivation, and there's a noticeable decline in passion and interaction with your partner.

Due to a decline in activity, effort, or distinction, you experience self-doubt and self-deprecation. You feel remorse for your children, unable to provide them with a superior quality of life. Consequently, you have lost your previous enthusiasm and become highly emotional.

Let's take a moment to address the issue and explore potential solutions together.

1. Each life stage presents unique opportunities for learning and growth.

Education, career, and family are three key aspects of our lives. At different stages of life, we must prioritize and complete these important tasks in a manner that aligns with our personal rhythm and actual needs.

For example, the period between the ages of 6 and 25 is typically dedicated to academic pursuits, while the years between 25 and 45/50 are often marked by the establishment of independent businesses and a dedication to work. After this, individuals often enter a phase of enjoying their later years and maximizing the potential of their remaining time.

Some people believe that it is unwise to place all of one's eggs in one basket. If one pursues a career and works excessively, neglecting one's marriage and family, one may not experience happiness, even if one possesses substantial assets. Similarly, if one prioritizes the happiness derived from family life and lacks an entrepreneurial spirit, one may not find a greater sense of personal value.

It should be noted that this is not an absolute rule, and the optimal balance point is ultimately determined by the individual. Many working women, for instance, have chosen to prioritize the companionship of their children and the care of their families by resigning from their jobs and becoming full-time wives during their period of career success.

Regardless of your professional trajectory, whether you are a high-performing woman in the workplace or in a more traditional role, and regardless of whether you are a homemaker or a supportive partner, as long as you are content, you can fully enjoy your chosen path.

It is evident that your current state is characterized by internal conflict and contradiction. This internal conflict has a detrimental impact on both your physical and mental well-being, hindering your ability to perform your duties effectively and to enjoy a fulfilling life outside of work.

I am unaware of the specifics of your work environment, the intensity of your workload, the dynamics of your relationships with colleagues and superiors, the ages of your children, their educational status, the structure of your family, and the nature of your relationship with your mother-in-law.

"A single hair can move the whole body." It is not uncommon for individuals to unconsciously bring their emotions from the workplace home with them, as well as any family-related issues or conflicts that may arise.

It is essential to remain aware and maintain a connection to oneself at all times. You are now aware of your current situation and the negative emotions that accompany it. You have already established a solid foundation for change.

2. How to accept yourself and fully enjoy the present

Your internal conflict mainly stems from a deep dissatisfaction with yourself, which has resulted in a low sense of self-worth. This has led to a loss of self-affirmation and self-identification. Self-worth can be defined as your subjective evaluation of yourself, which is independent of external factors. It is an internal assessment system.

It is recommended that you take some time to meditate. During this period, it is important to avoid distractions as they will impair your ability to perform at your best, which will in turn affect others.

Take a moment to reflect and consider the following: Why are you feeling restless? What are you concerned about?

What is the underlying message that these feelings of restlessness and worry are trying to convey?

Meditation and yoga are effective methods for calming the mind. When we are calm, our original wisdom is naturally reawakened. Writing freely is another option, and I recommend the book The Healing Power of Handwriting. Talking with someone is also beneficial. Other people's listening is a constructive way to release emotions.

Emotions are akin to messengers. They will only dissipate if the message is conveyed effectively; otherwise, they will persistently resurface.

Self-acceptance entails embracing one's current state in its entirety. Regardless of whether one is optimistic the second before or pessimistic and complaining the second after, it is still an integral part of the self. "Acceptance" is not selective; it encompasses the whole self, not just a "part" of it.

If you feel guilty about your child, remember that your primary role is that of a mother, not a "perfect" or "all-powerful" individual. What your child needs is a mother who is "warm" and "loving."

Please imagine the character "An" (安). Does it resemble a woman seated in a cross-legged position within a room? A mother's peace of mind is the sole means by which her child can feel secure.

A partner is someone who provides support and guidance throughout life. Intimacy is the absence of fear. Open your heart to him sincerely. You have confidence in yourself, and naturally you have confidence in him too, because you believe that the result of expressing your sincerity to him is something you can fully accept.

I hope the above is helpful to you. Best regards, [Your name]

To continue the conversation, please click "Find a Heart Exploration Coach" in the lower right corner. You will then be able to chat together.

Hello, question asker! I'm so honored to have the chance to read your question and thank you for sharing your problem. It's so nice to be able to think along with you.

You asked, "If I can't be positive anymore, how can I change my current negative state?"

I just wanted to say that I think you're doing a great job of taking care of yourself. I can tell you have high standards and are really pushing yourself. I bet you're an amazing person in real life!

You say you feel like you've changed, that you're no longer the positive person you once were. It's totally understandable! It can be really hard to calm down when doing things.

We all know that facing complicated work can sometimes make us want to avoid it and put it off, right? In the past, when you encountered problems, you would try hard to find innovative solutions. But now, you feel that you have no motivation. You also feel that you are no longer as happy as you used to be.

It's totally normal to feel this way sometimes. It's not just that there's no reason to be happy, but also that you might feel irritable, anxious, or even angry over things that don't really matter. It's also normal to feel guilty towards your children, thinking that you're not good enough and that you haven't provided them with the best family environment or role model.

It's totally normal to feel disappointed in your marriage sometimes. We've all been there! You used to nag and argue with your spouse, but now you just don't feel like it anymore. It's okay to feel this way. We're here to help.

After helping you sort out your problems, I'll now share my own views and suggestions. I really hope they'll be helpful for you!

There's a great saying in psychology that I think you'll find really helpful: "In marriage, whoever is suffering changes."

From what you've told me, it seems like you're not happy in your marriage, with your husband, with your kids, and even with yourself. But your husband might not feel the same way. He might not be too bothered by your marriage, so he won't nag you. When you nag him, he might even find you annoying, and you might end up arguing. Since you're not happy in your marriage, with your husband, and with your kids, you can try to change yourself.

When you change, the people and relationships around you that used to make you unhappy may also change. In fact, when we women nag our husbands and children behind their backs, we have needs. But it is so difficult to change other people, isn't it? It's much easier to spend that time and energy changing yourself. And it's faster too!

I've been in your shoes before, and I've seen how self-improvement can change your life. I might have been in a similar situation, but after I made some changes, I noticed that the world around me had shifted. It didn't bother me as much as it used to, and I was able to find joy in it instead of wanting to escape from it.

I encourage you to step out of your comfort zone and cultivate your own interests.

I'm not sure if my guess is right, but I feel like your life might be pretty stable and comfortable right now, and that you've been living the same lifestyle for several years?

If you stay in the same lifestyle for too long, you'll start to feel stuck. If you have high standards and are really hard on yourself, staying in the same place can feel like torture. It can be a kind of internal struggle and drain. At this point, you might need to push through a lot to move on. Of course, it can be really tough!

For folks who are used to being in their comfort zone, it might not be too painful after a while, and they'll naturally adapt to life in their comfort zone. Or some people just enjoy life in their comfort zone. Everyone's situation is different! I personally feel that you are a motivated person who has high expectations and standards for yourself, so you may not be suited to staying in your comfort zone for a long time.

If you're looking for a way to make the most of your free time, why not try picking up a new hobby? When you're fully absorbed in your hobby, you might just make some exciting new discoveries and find a whole new joy in life. You'll probably notice your mood lifting, and you'll feel less anxious and more relaxed.

Try lowering your expectations and demands on others, my friend.

You can try to lower your expectations and demands on your children and husband in the future when interacting with them, so that your husband can be your husband and your children can be your children. You only need to be responsible for your own life, and they each need to be responsible for their own lives. You do not have to be responsible for their lives, and everyone should be responsible for their own lives.

Because each person's life path is shaped by their own choices, we can't control what others do. We can offer guidance when needed, but the final decision is theirs. We all need to take responsibility for our own lives. So, after thinking about it this way, do you still feel troubled by your husband and children?

Wishing you all the best! I really hope my answer is helpful to you. The world and I love you!

You don't want to change, but you can't. You feel sad and alone when you look at yourself and realize you're not who you used to be.

I hope this sharing helps you a little.

First, find out how long this state has lasted and if your sleep or diet has changed.

You have changed and faced new situations at work and home. First, know when this started, how long it has lasted, and if it has affected your diet, sleep, or daily life.

If this lasts for two weeks or more, see a doctor. You might have anxiety, depression, or another illness. Follow the doctor's advice.

2. If you can, try to understand why you're feeling this way and express it to others.

Avoidance, procrastination, and a lack of motivation reflect fatigue and burnout caused by high self-expectations and depletion over time.

It's like a machine that has been working hard for a long time and needs to rest. Today's "negative state" is also a kind of energy storage.

See the effort you have made in the past. It's like charging a mobile phone. This helps you understand your current situation.

Third, after acceptance, adjust one thing at a time.

Third, after acceptance, adjust one step at a time.

The message has many parts that can seem overwhelming. But it takes time to recover.

To recover effectively, start with the area that needs the most change.

For example, you might procrastinate or avoid work because you want to be perfect, the task is too challenging, or you're experiencing burnout. Regardless, you can reflect on your reasons and try making partial adjustments.

If you're a perfectionist, try getting started first and then focus on excellence.

If the work is too challenging, talk to your leader about adjusting the tasks and adding more helpers.

If you're burned out, you can transform yourself by trying new things.

I hope this helps.

I'm a psychologist who cares about the heart, not nature. Bless you.

Hello, I'm Wang Li, a counselor. I understand your frustration. There are three main points:

1. You will lose motivation at work and avoid difficult tasks.

2. You will feel restless and angry over small things.

3. I'm disappointed in my marriage and feel guilty about my children.

Three ways to improve the situation:

1. You may be experiencing burnout at work. This can be caused by excessive pressure, a lack of self-worth, or interpersonal issues. Solutions: (1) Accept your limitations.

If you've done your best at work, don't be too hard on yourself. (2) Know your limits.

Sometimes, you may do too much work at work, which increases your stress. When faced with complicated work, you should sort it out. What are your main responsibilities? What should you do and what shouldn't you do? Give yourself a clear idea and clarify your job responsibilities before starting work.

(3) Treat yourself when you reach your goals.

Do something you enjoy to reward yourself. It could be a meal, shopping, or a trip to watch an American TV series. Look for the good things in your work.

For example, the help of colleagues, the care of leaders, and the small daily improvements you make. (4) Handle relationships at work.

Good relationships at work make work more efficient and increase happiness by more than 85%.

2. We can accept, understand, and be aware of negative emotions. Everyone has them.

Your negative emotions tell you a lot. Listen to them and understand yourself.

Emotions are messages from our hearts.

If you take this message seriously and respond to it, the messenger will go away. When you are agitated, anxious, or angry, think back to what happened.

What causes these feelings? When you pay more attention to these feelings and understand why you feel this way, you may understand your needs better.

3. You may be disappointed in your marriage because you had expectations about your partner and marriage. Most people who are getting married have expectations.

They expect marriage to make them feel safe, happy, and understood. But differences in people's personalities, behaviors, and views often lead to arguments. When couples can't compromise, they become unhappy.

To avoid disappointment, lower your expectations and stop idealizing your partner.

I hope my suggestions help. When you do well at work, your marriage improves, and your mood improves. I hope your guilt towards your child lessens. I hope you can communicate and interact. I am willing to provide you with professional advice.

Hello!

It's hard to give advice on your negative state of mind in just 200 words. I hope my response helps you see more possibilities when you feel disappointed and anxious.

[Marriage and parenting are about reinventing yourself.]

You used to be positive and energetic. You liked this side of yourself and were happy.

Then, as you enter marriage, you begin to feel disappointed. After having children, you become more emotional. You must wonder, why is this so?

These may be the challenges you face at this stage of your life. They come from close relationships. You have to work together with your husband and children. This is not easy.

You may feel frustrated and need to change to adapt. Change is always hard.

Be kind to yourself.

Positivity and negativity are two sides of the same coin. Without negativity, there is no positivity. Therefore, everyone's state of mind will always change between the two. When you are positive, you are full of energy, creativity, and productivity. When you are negative, you can see it as a reminder that you need to adjust, rest, and relax.

Having a family and children means you have less energy for work. If you still try to be perfect at home, you will get tired and disappointed.

Be kind to yourself. Be tolerant. Accept that you're not perfect. Allow yourself to be lazy. Accept yourself in any condition.

Speak up about your feelings and get more support.

Asking questions shows you can help yourself. You can also help yourself in real life.

It's hard to deal with negative emotions alone. If you have people you can trust, it'll help. If you don't, you can try making friends with people who are similar to you.

You can also find something you like to do in your spare time every day. Even if it's only half an hour, it can help you feel better. If you do it for a while, it can help you feel more like yourself.

I hope the questioner can love and accept herself and live a carefree life!