I am so tired, save me, it seems I am trapped in a toxic relationship, can't let her go?

It is evident that you are experiencing a conflict between two opposing ideas. On the one hand, you perceive the relationship as "toxic" and detrimental to your well-being. However, on the other hand, you are unable to terminate the relationship, resulting in a state of emotional turmoil.

From your description, it is evident that you possess a keen sense of perception and emotional awareness. You have discerned that this relationship is not conducive to personal growth and have thus formulated the intention to disengage.

Furthermore, it is not obligatory to remain in the relationship if it is causing distress, particularly if a significant investment of emotional energy has already been made.

In the event that one wishes to terminate a relationship that is perceived as "toxic," it is essential to have access to resources that can facilitate the process of coping with the situation and adjusting to the eventuality of the relationship's dissolution. The question then becomes: How can this be achieved?

The initial step is to adhere to a regular exercise regimen. Engaging in physical activity on a consistent basis has been shown to enhance optimism and vitality.

One may engage in a variety of physical activities, including running, hiking, swimming, playing ball games, rope skipping, yoga, and tai chi. It is recommended to select an exercise that can be performed on a daily basis.

Secondly, it is advisable to engage in activities that serve as a distraction. This entails identifying one's interests and allocating more time to pursuing them.

Additionally, it may be beneficial to seek out new social interactions by participating in activities or joining communities.

The third step is to attempt to form positive relationships. These relationships can facilitate personal growth and may even extend to the keeping of small animals.

Cats and dogs are known for their amiable dispositions and ability to form strong bonds with humans.

It is important to make progress on a daily basis and to provide oneself with encouragement and motivation. The quality of one's relationships is a significant factor in personal growth. It is essential to cultivate positive relationships and to strive for a life filled with abundance.

Hello! It's like seeing you in person!

It's so great to see that you're so enthusiastic about helping others and have such a kind heart! This is a wonderful sign of a warm-hearted person with high qualities. I can imagine it's been a bit of a struggle for you with the other person's indifference, which has probably been disappointing and saddening. It's also totally normal to be examining your own gains and losses in this friendship.

I really hope my thoughts will help you make a decision!

First of all, you say that this is a toxic relationship, which shows that you are also self-examining this relationship. You have given so much to the other person, and now you are sick and taking a leave of absence from school and staying at home. It's so unfair that the other person has not given you enough care.

You treat the other person as a true friend and have done so much for her. It's so hard to see her act the way she does, though.

It's great that you've started thinking about the relationship.

Secondly, you mentioned that you have very few friends. Do you think that having friends could help you feel more secure and give you a sense of belonging?

Third: You said that the divorce of the other person's parents also indicates that her way of doing things and her way of thinking are influenced by her original family.

Fourth: You're helping him out as much as you can on your own. As a student, you're not rolling in cash, but you're still giving her the money you earn from working hard.

So, what do you think you should do in the future in terms of your friendship?

First of all, being eager to help others is a sign of your high moral character. It's so important to remember that you help others to solve their problems, improve your own moral character, and gain spiritual comfort. It's not about expecting rewards from others. When you see that someone is in trouble and needs help, it's natural to want to jump in and help. If you just stand by and do nothing, you'll always feel a little uneasy afterwards.

If there's no way you can help someone, that's okay. But if you could help them and you don't, your conscience might not be happy with you. It's often really nice to see someone you've helped get through something tough.

This is such a wonderful quality to have—the virtue of helping others!

Secondly, it's important to be selective when making friends. When someone is facing difficulties and you want to offer help, it's always a good idea to take a closer look at the person. You can gain a lot of insight by observing how they normally behave and act, and what people around them say about them.

A person with a good reputation naturally doesn't act on bad principles, which is great!

Third: There are some friends worth keeping! People choose eight kinds of friends to keep: 1. friends who help you achieve your goals; 2. friends who support you; 3. friends who share the same interests as you; 4. friends who act as a bridge between you and others; 5. friends who cheer you up; 6. friends who broaden your horizons; 7. friends who show you the way; and 8. friends who keep you company.

Fourth: We can make better friends by improving ourselves. We can take responsibility for our own lives and realize that we are the creators of our own lives. We should create good lives and lives that are beneficial to ourselves. Fix yourself and don't worry about the outside world. Your worries attract bad things from the outside world, so let's not worry!

When you focus your thoughts on yourself, you'll naturally attract good things from the outside world! It's like when flowers bloom and butterflies come out to enjoy the beauty.

So, when we're caught up in the good things of the past and can't let go, forget that change is the essence of life, and can't accept it, we'll pay a high price for our inner obsession. We'll always have expectations in our hearts, hoping for good things to happen, and we'll be stuck in our current situation.

I love you, world! And I love you too, my dear friend!

A positive and fulfilling relationship can provide individuals with a sense of nourishment, facilitate relaxation, and enable them to gain richer experiences in their lives. Currently, life appears to be characterized by uncertainty, and one can also discern their own distress from this uncertainty.

It has been a considerable period of time since you have had an opportunity to engage in meaningful communication with your best friend. Despite your previous assistance to her on numerous occasions and her previous inclination to confide in you, she has not responded to your recent attempts at communication. You are motivated to initiate a conversation, but you are informed that there is a waiting period and that she is currently engaged in discussions with numerous individuals.

This statement is particularly disconcerting. It is also evident that the various potential dangers inherent in the other person's situation are a source of considerable unease. There is a pervasive sense of having become a mere instrument of friendship, lacking in dignity.

The irreplaceability of the other party has caused significant distress. The individual in question experiences a sense of being on a painful roller coaster, and the discrepancy between their actions and words is becoming increasingly pronounced. It is possible that the other party has undergone a transformation, and even if their response aligns with one's expectations, it remains difficult to accept.

Despite your best efforts, it appears that she is no longer interested in maintaining the relationship. It is possible that her lack of interest is a result of her own personal issues, which have manifested in various ways. It is understandable that you are experiencing distress and a sense of obligation to maintain the relationship. However, it is crucial to prioritize your well-being and seek professional counseling to address the underlying issues. Engaging with a heart exploration coach or a psychological listener could be beneficial in understanding your emotions and needs. It is important to recognize that investing time and energy in a relationship that does not value you is an ineffective use of your resources.

Please clarify the meaning of ZQ.

Hello, classmate. From your description, it is clear that you have given a great deal to your friend. You have shown her a great deal of care and attention. You are a very responsible person.

However, you have consistently taken the initiative in maintaining your friendships, including initiating contact. You often stepped in to provide solutions for her when you were at school. Now that you are at home on leave, you deserve care and warmth, yet there are few people around you willing to provide it, including this friend who has not chosen to initiate a chat with you to say hello. This situation makes you feel a little sad, a little lonely, and helpless.

You have been thinking for a long time about how to help the people around you and how to make them happy. Now you are at home on leave from school, and because of psychological problems, it is time to care for yourself. First, bring your attention back to yourself and take care of your body and mood. Then, I will give you a brief analysis in response to the problem description:

☀️ You are caught in the "savior" mode.

(1) In psychology, there is a triangular model: victim, savior, persecutor. This is a psychological phenomenon discovered by American psychologist Dr. Kaplan, and he is certain that everyone is constantly switching places in these three roles.

(2) What are the characteristics of the "savior" mode? This type of person has unclear boundaries, takes other people's problems as their own, and considers them to be unavoidable responsibilities. They are used to siding with the weaker party in a conflict and gain satisfaction and comfort from helping others.

(3) From the description, it is clear that you have been helping her solve problems and acting as a "protective god." You have not only comforted your friend emotionally, but you have also tried to supplement the other person financially. This kind of giving has clearly exceeded the model of a good friend. There is an imbalance in the relationship, which also makes it easy for you to consume more energy and energy.

(4) When you see the word "savior," who do you think of? Yourself.

Or perhaps it's your parents or even your grandparents.

Sometimes, it's because of something that happened in childhood that makes us feel like we have to take on more responsibilities. Ask yourself if there's a pattern.

(5) In any case, the sense of boundaries is vague. This means that we sometimes take other people's matters as our own concerns and neglect our own moods and affairs. It is easy to imagine that our hearts will always be empty, lonely, and lacking in love.

☀️ Return to your inner self and accompany it.

You said you have only three friends. You may think the more friends you have, the better, but I disagree. Friends are a matter of subtraction. You weed them out when you encounter different problems. You can tell which are genuine and which are not.

You only need one bosom friend in life. It's not about quantity, it's about quality. Treat your friends sincerely, care for and warm each other, and you'll be fine.

(2) You also have a true friend who will stay with you forever: your inner child. The two of you often have similar emotions. When the inner child feels lonely, you may feel lonely and need company. When the inner child feels aggrieved, you may feel depressed, want to cry, and feel sad.

(3) Accompany your inner child and let it feel warmth, love, and contentment. Your heart will grow strong, and you will no longer need to protect and hide yourself through external means.

(4) Use the meditation audios on the platform linked to the inner child. They will help you.

You can let go of this relationship if you want to. There will always be other friends like this in the future. What matters is that you have changed your inner self. You will break through this savior mode. Learn to love yourself.

You've got this. I'm here for you. ?

Hello, I'm Strawberry.

From what you have told me and your concerns, I can see that you are very loyal to your best friend and kind-hearted. However, you must understand that society can be very realistic at times. Just because you are kind to someone doesn't mean that they will reciprocate. Grateful people will, but ungrateful people won't.

You were there for her when she was bullied and when her family members were sick. You were always there to help her, and at that time, you were her rock. She clung to you because you were her lifeline.

You said you were sick and had to take a break from school. Your illness should have greatly affected your normal life. When you needed company or wanted to talk, you thought of her. She seemed to have turned chatting into a way to make money. What did other people need to pay for?

You're willing to pay for her to chat with you, but her attitude makes you feel tired and annoyed. You know you're no different from other people, and chatting with her won't get you the attention you want. You'd rather she ignored you, but you cherish this friendship. You're even willing to quietly let her contact information remain in your circle.

1. Be aware of your emotions.

The questioner said they are sick, but didn't say what kind of illness it is. I believe this is a psychological issue. Various pressures in life have made you like this. You know how to relieve the emotions of others, but you don't know that you also need to be relieved. You didn't notice your emotions in time, and by the time you noticed it, it had already affected your normal life.

You took a leave of absence from school, didn't you? You faced the illness that affected you. A formal examination, followed by coordinated treatment based on the situation, will help you recover faster. Now that you are aware of your emotions, you should pay more attention to them.

2. Shift the focus.

People are more vulnerable when they are sick and want to talk to someone they trust. The questioner thinks of her very good best friend. At this vulnerable time, you feel that she is your straw. However, her behavior shows that you have helped her in her difficult times, but she is not grateful. It can be said that it has something to do with her upbringing. She was bullied and has a shadow in her heart, and her personality is also distorted.

Her paid chat is a waste of time. She can't even solve her own problems, so how can she give better advice to others? Chatting with her will only cause you secondary harm, which is also one of the factors that make you tired and annoyed.

I am kind to her, so I believe she will be kind to me. I think she will be a good listener. However, my best friend is unwilling to do so. I can try to put this idea into practice with other people, even strangers on this platform.

3. Relieve yourself.

In addition to medication, the questioner can and should use other methods to relieve themselves and prevent themselves from falling into a state of negative emotions.

Exercise is one of the best methods I have used myself. It's a fact that after exercising for a period of time, our spirits will be much better and we will become more energetic. We will also think less negatively and be able to look at the same thing from a different perspective. This is because exercise produces dopamine, which gives us a sense of pleasure.

Go for a walk. See how beautiful the world is. Spring is here, and the flowers and plants around us can heal our emotions.

Eat some of your favorite foods, such as bananas, chocolate, and milk, or cook your favorite foods yourself. These can all relieve our emotions.

Writing therapy: Write the short essay you sent out in your notebook. Then, read it a few more times. Identify the emotion you want to express, how it came about, and what you can do to make it go away.

Methods are methods. If you don't use them, they're just words. I'm confident my answer will be helpful to the original poster. Good luck!

Greetings,

The host

A careful reading of the post reveals the author's grievances and fatigue. However, it also shows that the author has expressed her distress and sought help, which will undoubtedly help her to better understand and understand herself, and adjust her behaviour to enable her to walk away from the toxic relationship.

Subsequently, I will present my observations and thoughts in the aforementioned post, which may provide the poster with additional perspectives for self-reflection.

1. Sunk costs

The question of why one might be unable to extricate oneself from a relationship is often answered by reference to the considerable investment of effort that has been made.

The more effort one expends, the more difficult it becomes to disengage. The act of disengagement is often perceived as a loss, as it implies a cessation of the investment of time and energy.

From the aforementioned post, it is evident that the individual in question is inclined to assume a more passive role within the relationship, whether it be in the capacity of a friend offering support, a friend's father in need of assistance, or even as a personal protector. It is notable that throughout the course of this relationship, the individual has consistently demonstrated a tendency to prioritize giving over receiving.

Therefore, if one is forced to extricate oneself from a relationship, and the act of doing so constitutes a kind of denial of the investment of time and energy that has been made, it is understandable that many people would be unable to bear this.

This is also the reason why many individuals make mistakes and are reluctant to acknowledge them, as acknowledging a mistake implies a denial of the self. What about one's sense of existence? What about one's sense of worth?

Consequently, the host may consider whether the inability to extricate themselves from the relationship is a consequence of their own actions.

2. Learn to recognize when to disengage from the situation.

From the information presented in the post, it can be inferred that the author of the post also perceives the relationship to be toxic. In this relationship, neither individual's autonomy nor identity is respected. It is therefore questionable whether any individual could maintain such a relationship indefinitely.

It is not possible to be consumed forever; when energy is exhausted, the instinct for survival will prompt one to leave.

Consequently, the host may benefit from learning to cease the loss of time. It is imperative to avoid further self-consumption.

It is beneficial to allocate more energy and time to oneself. It is also advantageous to reserve one's care and affection for oneself.

It would be beneficial to utilize this time and energy to learn and grow. It would be advantageous to take a moment to reflect on one's surroundings.

It is possible to make significant progress in one's own development.

3. Cultivate the capacity for growth in relationships.

Concurrently, the host should also contemplate the rationale behind the considerable investment of resources in this relationship. What has this yielded? Engaging in such reflection can facilitate a more nuanced understanding of one's own motivations, needs, and psychological drivers.

One might inquire whether this act of giving is not intended to gain recognition and affection. Could this be perceived as a rescue plot in saving her like this?

Is it your intention to demonstrate your self-worth by providing assistance to her?

These are matters that the author of the original post would be well advised to reflect upon and investigate further. There is a certain wisdom in the assertion that all experience is not merely a conduit for gain or acquisition, but also a vehicle for learning.

Furthermore, learning may be regarded as an alternative form of reward.

4. Cultivate the ability to assume responsibility for one's own life.

The concept of taking responsibility for one's own life entails assuming accountability for one's emotions and needs.

If the third point is explored and one's own needs are identified, it is also necessary to learn how to satisfy those needs. This entails recognizing oneself, establishing an independent evaluation system, and developing one's own identity. These processes can collectively contribute to the establishment of a sense of self-worth.

Once an individual realizes that they are responsible for their own lives and emotions and that they must satisfy their own needs, will they still care so much about a bad relationship? Can they learn to treat themselves kindly by leaving?

It is my hope that this has been somewhat helpful and inspiring to the original poster. I am a mental health coach, Zeng Chen.

Should any further questions arise, you are invited to locate me via the "Find a Coach" function. Let us address the issue together.

Hello!

I read your question and comments. You care about your friend and want the best for her. You are loyal and kind. You have done a lot for her. You just want her to value your friendship.

Just chat with you briefly.

1. You care about this relationship a lot. She is your best friend, and you have done everything you can for her. When her father was hospitalized, you were there to comfort her. You gave her money for a table and pajamas for New Year's Eve. You have done a lot, but now it seems to have only moved you.

2. Her attitude From your description, it seems that she doesn't care about you much. I don't know if it's because you haven't seen each other for a long time or if there are other reasons. It should be warmer than it is.

3. Friendship requires mutual care and concern. You've had good times together and been there for each other. She used to trust and rely on you. You were there for her in her most difficult times. How could she treat you this way when you need her most? This doesn't make sense.

4. You came to the platform for help, not to make a decision. You have difficulty letting go of this friend, so how could you not want to continue because of temporary difficulties? Have a good talk with her and ask what's going on. Home isolation during the epidemic causes psychological problems. Give her time and don't push too hard. Talk to her in-depth and see how to solve it. You can find out the reason.

5. If you can be together, be together. Life is short. Treasure your friendship!

I love you, world!

Break out of your own prison.

Every problem has a root cause. Your distress does not come from your best friend distancing herself from you. It comes from you.

1. The loneliness and panic you felt when you took time off from school and stayed at home.

When you left school for an unusual reason, you felt a little lonely inside. This was also due to the fear of the unknown. You were afraid of missing something, afraid of what they could get while you were gone, and you were afraid that they would ignore you. So you tried to contact your best friend to find a sense of self-existence.

You don't have to do this. They carried on as usual while you were gone. They didn't forget you. You'll still be the same good friends when you return.

2. Prove your value.

You care about your best friend and have done so much for her. You want to show your sense of responsibility and compassion, and thereby reflect your value.

Let me be clear: you are distressed by the fact that no one pays attention to you every day, and you are distressed by the fact that you cannot demonstrate your value at any time.

I am valuable. I know my worth.

You are valuable simply because you are alive. There is no need to prove it to anyone or show it off.

Help more people and show the world how much you care. When people appreciate your help, accept their gratitude with grace.

In short, open your heart and let the sunshine in. You're still that teenager, and you're great.

You've got this!