I cannot maintain a balance in my relationship with my younger brother. How can I avoid conflicts?

Hello, question asker!

I can tell you're confused, and I sense a hint of anger. Is that right? It seems like your younger brother isn't taking your contributions seriously and is taking you for granted.

And even if it's not a financial contribution, it's still a contribution, and it's you who's doing it, not him.

In terms of meals, you also hope that your brother will take action in cooking or other household chores, so that everyone can contribute and understand each other, and fairness can be achieved.

You're right to think that you shouldn't spoil your younger brother. It's also a sign of your love for him. You hope that your younger brother can see your efforts and understand that no one should take others for granted. You don't want him to have a bad experience in other relationships because of this.

Is that what's going on?

If that's how you feel, I've got a few suggestions for you to think about:

1. Have an open conversation with your brother about your feelings, your hopes, and your needs. Talk about the areas where you disagree and try to understand why he takes your efforts for granted.

The relationship between siblings should be one of mutual support, not the older sibling carrying the younger (except when the younger sibling is very young).

2. It might be a good idea to get your parents involved in this too. That way, the whole family can see what you're up against and offer their support. Your brother's education is another thing your parents should be involved in and support.

3. It's important to divide up household chores in a fair and specific way. For example, you could take on cooking the food and your younger brother could do the rice. You could also take on lunch and dinner could be your younger brother's responsibility. Having a clear division of labor and communicating about it regularly is key.

4. Love yourself a little more. In my opinion, some families show more love and attention to the younger child or the boy or girl in the family, which can be unfair to the other children. We don't have a responsibility or obligation to always take care of our siblings who don't love themselves as much as we do.

I hope these tips will help you out. Best regards.

Hello, question asker. I can tell you're upset. It seems like you're considering a lot of different perspectives, not just your own, but also your brother's development. That's a great way to approach things!

The questioner wants to have enough time to do her own things, that her brother will develop good habits, and that he will take responsibility, right? The questioner wants to be respected and seen in the process of communicating with her brother, right?

1. "My mom works during mealtimes, so my brother and I have to take care of the meals ourselves. My brother is a normal, healthy adult. However, he thinks it is only natural that I do all the cooking.

I think he needs to understand that no one should take it for granted that someone else serves them. I don't appreciate it when he acts like I don't appreciate him enough. He thinks that every time he doesn't spend money, he is contributing to the family, and I am repaying him by cooking for him.

"

(1) Is the questioner an adult or a minor? My feeling is that if the questioner is an adult, they can choose to rent a place of their own so that they have their own space and can freely allocate their time for work and study.

If he's home alone, he'll have to learn to live and do chores. If he's a minor, he can talk to his parents and brother about who does what, and they can work together.

This way, the questioner can also do their own thing.

(2) The younger brother thinks his sister should cook, while the sister thinks the younger brother should learn to take care of himself and others. The younger brother is reluctant to spend money because he's contributing to the family. Is the younger brother an adult who can earn his own money?

Or is it taking up his parents' time? Does the younger brother think that the older brother should cook in return because the older brother has spent money on him?

Or is there another reason? Does the question asker have their own money?

Given the lack of information, I'll ask a question to get the questioner thinking!

(3) How can you communicate effectively when you don't understand each other?

For instance, the questioner could say to his younger brother, "I know you're reluctant to spend money on things for the family, and I know you've already done a lot for the family. I'll pitch in with the housework and try to do it better. We're both contributing to the family, but I have one small request that I hope you'll agree to. In addition to the housework, I have other tasks to do, just like you. So I hope we can do the housework together, and I'll be happy if you do it. I'll be happy because I can see you growing up, and I can see that you can now help with some of the housework. When Mum comes home from work and sees how much you've changed, she'll be happy for you too."

Do you think your brother will still have other opinions if you communicate this way? You might as well try letting him do it little by little and praising him when he does something. That way, he'll be more willing to do it next time.

3. "I don't think they should be grouped together. This isn't an excuse for him to be ungrateful, and he can't be indulged. He can't always be playing with his phone while I do all the work. This is also bad for his development. Besides, I also want to have more control over my time, not just give it to him. It doesn't make any sense."

I think the questioner can communicate well with her brother, but at the end of the day, she's his sister, not his mother. She can just do her own thing and allow herself to be a sister again. From this passage, it seems like it's the mother disciplining the child. The questioner can just be aware of the situation. The problem is household chores. Once the problem of assigning household chores is solved, it can be solved. As for the younger brother's playing with his phone, he needs to learn to adjust on his own. The questioner can try to let go and see how it works. Let him learn to manage his own time.

If he's underage, make a deal and set a time limit for playing.

Wishing you all the best!

Hello, question owner!

Three meals a day is a big issue in our lives. You and your brother have to deal with it yourself because your mother has to work during meal times. It's really tough for you to face such a challenging problem at such a young age. Best of luck!

After reading your question, I agree with some of your points. For example, you feel that you can't let your younger brother get used to doing all the work when he plays with his phone, and you think that's not good for his development. I think these are great ideas for your brother's healthy future, and you should stick to them.

I'm not sure how old your brother is. We know that we're lazy and we don't mind doing things as little as possible. That's why we think it's important to cultivate the habit of being diligent. If we let him continue living his life his own way, that is, playing with his phone, thinking that saving money is contributing to the family, not wanting to do his bit in the kitchen, and always thinking that other people should do everything, it will really be very bad for his growth.

It's meant to be a two-person activity. If the other person has something to do, that's understandable. But what if one person is busy doing everything while the other person is leisurely playing with their phone? That's not okay. I'm all for you not letting your brother play with his phone and getting him involved in doing household chores.

I'd like to discuss your perspective with you. You feel that giving your all is pointless because your brother won't be grateful. I understand that you don't want to give without limits. But you say that you want to give your all for your brother. Perhaps you should think about it again. If you were to face the prospect of having to prepare three meals a day on your own, would we have to do it too?

We don't just do it for our brother; we need to eat too. If we think about it this way, we have to eat anyway, and we have to do all these things anyway. Our brother is just a little younger, so we can mostly let him be free and eat with him. We also have someone to keep us company, otherwise cooking and eating alone is pretty boring.

I just want to be clear that I'm not saying you shouldn't let your brother help with the housework. I think it's great that you're encouraging him to get involved, but I do think you need to be a bit patient and take it slowly. It's not something you can rush. I think you and your brother will have to face three meals a day, and that's not something you can do in a short period of time, so let's not worry about it for now.

First, let your brother start with the little things he can do, such as holding the bowl, ladling the rice, and washing the bowl, pot, and cleaning the table after eating. Gradually, let him sit up, and then add more tasks so that he can gradually take on more responsibility.

Don't worry, take your time. I'm sure you'll find a way to cook all three meals together with your brother. Best of luck!

I just wanted to say that I love you, the world, and I love you too!

You and your brother have been in this situation for quite some time. Due to the nature of your mother's work, you are currently fulfilling the roles of both your brother's sister and his "mother" and your own "mother" simultaneously. Without your mother's special work, your family would typically rely on her to cook for you and your brother.

The situation has changed. You have taken on your mother's role and responsibility for caring for yourself and your brother. This has led to feelings of resentment, fatigue, frustration, and helplessness.

I want to be clear that regardless of how your brother behaves, you love him deeply and so does your mother. I'm sure you agree.

No matter how dissatisfied you are with your brother, you will still make a portion for him as well as one for yourself because you can't bear to let him go hungry. You can completely skip making his portion, and he can't do anything about it. You can ignore him or deliberately make the food look unappealing to your brother. You don't care whether he eats it or not. There are many ways to do this, but you are unwilling to treat your brother that way, not only because you are kind, but also because he is your brother and you love him.

You shouldn't spoil him too much. It's important for him to understand that no one is obliged to serve him. I understand your concern for your younger brother. You're afraid that spoiling him will make him suffer and fail when he enters society.

"This is not an excuse for his lack of gratitude." What I hear in these words is your expectation for your brother: you hope that he will be a grateful person. In our society, where etiquette and human relationships are important, gratitude is not only a virtue, it is also the way to survive.

You want your brother to learn to be grateful.

"He can't always be playing with his phone while I do all the work," you tell your brother. You don't want him to develop the bad habit of shirking his responsibilities. You want him to become a responsible man who can appreciate the hard work of his family, his mother, and you. All of the above is coming from your subconscious, and it all expresses your care and love for your brother. I wonder if you've noticed?

You say you love your mother more because you can completely leave the task of taking care of your brother to her and not worry about it yourself. Your mother works during mealtimes, but she always comes home at some point, so she can prepare the food in advance and put it in the fridge. When your brother is hungry, he can just heat it up. There is always a way to solve the problem of your brother eating.

You haven't asked your mother to do that because you understand how hard it is for her to work and live, and you feel for her. You're taking on some of her burden as a sign of your love for her.

You must investigate the causes of the conflict.

You, your mother, and your brother form a triangular relationship. Before your mother took that job, the triangular relationship you formed was very stable. Everyone was in their own position, doing their own job and doing what they thought they should do. You were used to this way of getting along and behaving, and you will get back to it.

Now that Mum has that job, she has temporarily left the familiar triangle you were in, and you and your brother are left on your own. But two people cannot make a stable triangle, so you must fill the gap and take Mum's place to maintain the triangle.

You are the one who fills the gap, so you are alone, playing two roles at once: the role of yourself and the role of your mother. This triangle relationship is no longer the same as before. You are under more pressure than your brother and have to give more than your brother. For example, you have to spend more time than before taking care of your brother, which reduces the time you can freely dispose of and causes you to be unable to do some things.

Conflicts are inevitable over time.

The conflict between you and your brother is the inevitable result of the original triangular relationship being broken. To balance the relationship, you must return to the triangular relationship to solve it.

Now that mom's place is vacant, the balance of your triangular relationship can be restored as long as someone takes mom's place. The difficult part is deciding who will do it. Will it be mom going back to her original position, dad or another relative taking her place, you continuing to take her place, or you and your brother going to her place together? You need to think about this carefully.

I trust that today's answer is helpful. Good night.

Hello, I'm Gu Yi. I'm just as modest and self-effacing as I've always been.

I can see your point of view.

It is important to note that household chores are not the responsibility of any one person. They need to be done together. The same goes for the family. It is not reasonable to expect one person to do all the work while the others just enjoy the fruits. In the past, this work was done by mum, and we didn't think about it so much. Now that we're taking on the chores ourselves and our brother is too, problems have arisen.

Perhaps the biggest challenge in your relationship with your brother is the differing perceptions and understandings of the family. You believe that as a member of the family, everyone should share the responsibility, while your brother may have a different perspective. It's understandable that this has led to some disagreements, which can be frustrating for both of you.

Regardless of your age difference with your younger brother, you possess a commendable level of rationality when it comes to this issue. While this rationality may be perceived as calculating by some, it is a quality that can contribute to your younger brother's growth and development. You have demonstrated a willingness to guide your younger brother towards greater independence and responsibility, and to help him recognize the problem at hand.

It would be beneficial for you to consider adjusting your own state of mind.

It is worth noting that there are often significant differences in how boys and girls approach things, including how they think. It is possible that your ideas and interests may not align with those of your brother. You may have a strong sense of responsibility towards your mother and a desire for more personal time, rather than solely focusing on family responsibilities.

It is therefore important to communicate effectively in order to make a difference. By communicating well, we can gain a deeper understanding of each other and work together to resolve any issues. It may also be helpful to clearly define your brother's role and responsibilities within the family, ensuring he feels included and has a clear understanding of his role.

We will do our best to guide our younger brother's growth in a patient and step-by-step manner. I believe that with your kind cooperation, we can find solutions to these issues. However, this process will require patience, active listening, and a willingness to adapt. After going through this journey of growth, you will see a different you and a different younger brother. Our family atmosphere will also be very different.

I wish you the best.

Hello!

From what you've said, it's clear you have a lot of love and expectations for your younger brother, as well as some frustration and complaints about how you get along with him.

1. Take care of your emotions first.

No matter what we want to do well or think more about, we have to take care of our emotions first.

A person's behavior is largely shaped by their perceptions. For instance, you feel that you shouldn't spoil your younger brother too much and want him to understand that no one should take his service for granted. This perception leads you to be unwilling to take on all the cooking and housework yourself and to want to share the burden with your younger brother. There's nothing wrong with this. You just need to communicate this with your younger brother and divide the work between the two of you. If your younger brother doesn't do his part, you can choose to just do your own share and not do the work yourself, full of complaints and anger. This isn't just ineffective at solving problems through communication, but it may also damage the relationship between you.

2. Be more understanding and tolerant, and communicate well.

It's important not to force your views on your brother. Everyone's ideas are shaped by their upbringing and many other factors. For instance, your brother may have been spoiled at home since childhood, which makes him feel that he doesn't need to do any housework and that he is entitled to being taken care of by his family and older brother.

As an older brother, you want to change his views and teach him to take responsibility, which is more conducive to his growth. This is precisely where your ideas conflict with his. Trying to change him may be difficult, and I'm afraid it's hard to achieve through preaching or coercion.

If you can communicate with him from a place of understanding and acceptance of your younger brother, and influence and guide him through your own realistic actions, there may be some change.

3. Get the whole family involved to create a happy, loving atmosphere.

You want more time for yourself and a fairer split of household chores. You can bring these up with all the family members, including your parents, and share your thoughts and feelings with them. If you're all still minors, your parents should give you more care and attention, get the whole family involved, and make sure everyone contributes to the family in order to create a harmonious and loving family atmosphere.

I hope Hongyu's reply is helpful for you. Thanks for asking!

Greetings. I am Ald's shepherd.

Firstly, it is evident that your assessment is accurate. A responsible sister should provide her brother with an appropriate education and guidance. His current mindset is clearly detrimental to his future development. It is the sister's responsibility to accompany and educate her brother, and it is the brother's responsibility to accompany and understand his sister.

It is unclear whether your family situation is affected by son preference. If so, it is possible that your younger brother has come to expect certain things from you and may believe that not spending money is the same as giving. In many families where son preference is an issue, parents exert a strong influence on their children from an early age. This may have shaped your younger brother's character traits in a way that leads him to believe that his sister should give to him. If your family does not have a son preference view, it is possible that your younger brother has been influenced by other factors, leading to the formation of the idea that his sister should give to him.

It is my personal opinion that your younger brother may have a tendency to favor boys over girls, which may explain why he does not acknowledge his sister's efforts.

From your description, it is evident that you have already recognized the detrimental impact of this behavior on your brother's development. To facilitate a change in your brother's perspective, it is essential to first comprehend the underlying factors that have shaped his current outlook.

Regardless of the underlying cause, it is more straightforward to implement a change once the reason has been identified. It would be beneficial to initiate a discussion with your younger brother regarding his friends, for instance, and ascertain whether his friends' sisters interact with his friends in the same manner as you do with your younger brother. This could potentially exert an influence on him.

Secondly, it is recommended that an equal and positive relationship with your younger brother be gradually established in the future. It would be beneficial to ascertain whether your parents are frequently absent from the household.

It would be beneficial to discuss with your younger brother or communicate with your parents to divide the responsibilities at home between the two of you, if possible. It is important to convey to him the equality of the sibling relationship and the necessity for both parties to contribute equally. Additionally, it is crucial to highlight that it is not natural for anyone to do things for others, and that not all efforts will necessarily be rewarded.

This approach will also prove beneficial for his future development.

It is my hope that this response will prove useful to you.

The preceding statements represent my personal opinions and are presented for your consideration. I apologize in advance for any offense they may cause.