I care a lot about the likes in my circle of friends. What if an old friend doesn't like something and I lose out?

Hello!

Given the various challenges you've encountered in managing your circle of friends, it's understandable that you've become quite meticulous about the settings and management of your circle. As you mentioned, you place a great deal of importance on what happens within your circle.

It's worth noting that the extent to which each person makes use of this window will vary greatly. I've set it up so that I only see a select few people in their friend circles, including my family and a few people I believe I can learn from in their friend circles.

While my circle of friends is visible to everyone, I rarely post in it. I do so for two reasons: first, to share excellent articles on psychology, and second, to obtain some free resources by posting in my circle of friends.

I can see that you may choose to exclude certain individuals from seeing your Moments, to avoid any potential influence on your personal life. It's likely that many others will do the same, as the number of views on a particular post is often not a reliable indicator of its popularity. Therefore, whether someone likes your posts or not, or whether you like their posts or not, is probably just a random act, and it's not something you should worry about too much.

If you care too much about the likes in your circle of friends, it may indicate that you care about the opinions of those around you, and that your inner self is not particularly clear and stable. This could result in you expending too much energy on this matter and feeling conflicted and uncomfortable.

It might be helpful to view the circle of friends as a tool.

It might be helpful to remember that the circle of friends is just a tool to facilitate our work or interpersonal interactions, and that it serves our work and life. If we care too much about likes and dislikes, we might inadvertently become the tool of the circle of friends.

Perhaps it would be beneficial to seek interpersonal relationships on a more realistic level.

It might be said that the closeness of a relationship is not necessarily reflected in mutual likes within a friend circle. While a like is a relatively simple act, the strength of a relationship often depends on the willingness to invest more time or financial resources.

Perhaps you could consider finding a true sense of self-worth from the growth of your inner self.

It is possible that the comfort and value you get from seeing others in your circle of friends like your posts may only be momentary. To gain a truly stable sense of value, it might be helpful to focus on strengthening and stabilising your own sense of self. This could involve developing your abilities in all aspects, pursuing the things you want to do well, gaining true self-confidence, and embracing a realistic charisma.

You may find that you have more time to devote to things that make you stronger, such as getting stronger physically, wiser mentally, and better in character. You could consider cultivating hobbies and developing them into specialties, learning something in a certain field, taking care of the people around you, and being able to help them solve problems.

Perhaps, if you devote more energy and vitality to life, give your life a purpose, and make it more colorful, this obsession or attachment to your circle of friends will slowly disappear.

I hope that Hongyu's reply will be of some help to you. Thank you for asking!

Good day, inquirer. I can relate to your concerns, as I experienced similar doubts for an extended period. I invested significant effort into developing the ideal social circle, consistently monitoring my interactions and seeking the approval of those around me.

If you are experiencing a challenging day, it may be beneficial to engage in self-compassionate behaviors such as self-soothing techniques or self-care practices. We hope the following tips will be of assistance to you.

The strength of a relationship is not contingent upon the number of likes.

The purpose of a dynamic is to record and share the beauty of life with friends and family who can empathize with you in a positive frame of mind. As the primary initiator in your social circle, you have the autonomy to determine the frequency and content of your sharing. This eliminates the concern of being questioned or accused by a roommate who may have a differing opinion.

With regard to the "likes" we bestow upon friends, it is imperative that they emanate from a genuine place in our hearts, rather than being a mere instrument to maintain an unknown friendship. I also have numerous close friends who are not active on social media and do not appreciate my updates, yet this does not impede our shared moments of laughter when we meet in person. I can also depend on them to have my back in times of trouble.

In conclusion, it is important to note that the absence of a "like" does not diminish the value of one's life.

It is imperative to return to oneself and boost one's confidence.

The excessive attention paid to social media is largely due to a lack of confidence in one's real self. The belief that one's real self is imperfect leads to the careful editing of social media updates, with the aim of creating a fuller and more perfect impression among those around us. This can result in a single like or comment having a significant impact on one's emotions. The following points can help alleviate this dilemma:

1. It is recommended that one smile often.

Smiling is an effective method of communication. It conveys a positive impression to others and facilitates a more positive state of mind, enabling individuals to speak and act with greater confidence.

2. Engage in conversation with individuals with whom one is not already acquainted.

One of the most effective methods for enhancing self-confidence is engaging in conversation with unfamiliar individuals. When we can respond to a diverse range of responses with composure, our communication abilities will gradually improve. Additionally, we will develop more robust social skills, expand our social networks, and attract individuals who value our contributions.

3. Establish personal objectives.

Attainment of goals and ideals will afford one a greater degree of influence relative to competitors. It is therefore prudent to set realistic goals, avoiding those that are excessively ambitious. If the goals are too high, it is unlikely that they will be reached; conversely, if they are too low, they may prove too facile to motivate.

It is recommended that clear goals be set, that these goals be worked towards, and that they be completed in a step-by-step manner. It is likely that success will be achieved, and that recognition will be gained from others.

Fourthly, it is important to pay attention to one's appearance.

One's image serves as a form of personal identification. A well-presented individual is more likely to leave a favorable impression and instill confidence in others. It is, therefore, important to pay attention to one's appearance, presenting oneself in a manner that is generous, elegant, clean, and tidy.

5. Appreciate your own merits.

It is important to learn to appreciate one's own strengths while also acknowledging one's weaknesses. It is essential to understand that nobody is perfect, but striving for excellence and addressing shortcomings promptly is crucial.

Each individual possesses intrinsic value and potential. It is essential to recognize and appreciate one's own unique qualities and abilities. With an optimistic outlook and a willingness to learn, it is possible to perceive beauty and opportunity in every situation.

It is unfeasible to lower expectations and obtain unanimous approval.

It is evident that individuals possess disparate lifestyles and rhythms, and that the discrepancies in their verbal and physical actions, as well as their preferences, are pronounced. The selfie style of one person may not align with another's preferences, and the cuisine they showcase may not appeal to the same audience. However, these differences are not a cause for concern. The diversity of lifestyles and preferences contributes to the richness and vibrancy of our social landscape.

It would be erroneous to disregard those who genuinely concern themselves with the minutiae of our lives on the basis of the ostensible disapproval of a limited number of individuals.

The beauty of the world is inextricably linked to your existence, and with time, everything will gradually improve. I am optimistic that the future will be favorable for you. The world and I are in love with you.

Hello, I'm Xintan Coach Fei Yun, and I'm thrilled to be here with you today! I'm going to be your biggest cheerleader and listen to your story with the utmost sincerity.

I can sense that you care a lot about the likes on your friends' walls, and it makes you feel conflicted. I can tell from reading the whole text that you care about your friends, and I can see how much you value making a good impression on them!

Now, let's dive in and see what's really bothering you!

Now, let's dive in and see what's really bothering you.

I'm excited to help you find a solution!

Absolutely! There is right and wrong in behavior, but there is a positive motive behind it.

Just as you care a lot about the likes in your circle of friends, this will naturally consume a lot of your time and energy to pay attention to. At the same time, it will also affect your mood at any time due to the likes in your news feed.

The good news is that the positive motivation behind this concern is good! It's "I want to be praised," "be noticed," and "be seen."

And there's more! You can ask yourself, what other ways are there to satisfy the need to be seen and noticed, apart from having more people give you likes?

2. Look past your fears to see your true needs and you'll be amazed at what you find!

Behind every emotion is an unmet need. As in your worries and fears, you worry that the people who don't like you won't like you anymore; you worry that other people's lives will affect you; you worry that if you have a small circle, you will have fewer opportunities...

The good news is that you can stop worrying about these things! It's time to start satisfying your own needs and sense of value by relying on the internal, rather than the external, self.

It's about seeking outside and cultivating inside!

When a person gains external material things, they will feel happy! And at the same time, they will feel happy when they gain the spiritual needs of others' recognition, affirmation, praise, acceptance, and love. These are the sources of a person's motivation, and they are truly exciting!

However, many of these outwardly-seeking sources are beyond your control. Seeking happiness in this way is like handing over the remote control of your life to someone else. You are in the hands of others and can only be controlled by them.

Human desires are endless, while fear is like an abyss. No matter how hard you work and how much wealth you acquire, you will never be satisfied because you want more—and that's a good thing!

What is happiness related to? It's all about your inner motivation!

When you turn your attention from seeking outside to cultivating within, the initiative returns to your hands! You are the one taking the initiative, and it's an amazing feeling.

There are so many ways to cultivate oneself! One of the best is to seek one's mission and values within. This is one of the most powerful and joyful ways to cultivate oneself. And there's another great way to help others and society: by doing something that is helpful to others and society!

People look outward because they don't feel valued. But here's the good news: you can change that! A sense of value is a subjective evaluation of yourself.

It has absolutely nothing to do with other people, things, or situations!

Guess what! When we were young, we were often criticized, rejected, and blamed by our parents. But here's the good news: we can change this! We can choose to internalize these experiences as our own evaluation of ourselves, or we can choose to let them go.

People with low self-worth are easily sensitive and suspicious, and have a fragile ego. They are particularly concerned about what others think of them, especially negative comments.

Even a glance can feel impactful and frustrating—and that's okay!

I'm so excited to share one of my articles, "It turns out that the root cause of psychological problems is it," with you! You can find it on my personal homepage.

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you! ??

I really hope the above is helpful to you! And I just want to say that the world and I love you! ??

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'd love to work with you one-on-one and help you grow!

Hello, host!

From what you say, it's clear you value your friends and like to keep them close. You also seem to feel that your friends reflect on your own social skills. You want to be seen and recognized by your friends, especially the close ones.

Everyone has different ideas about their friends. For me, there are two kinds of friends. One is for celebrating special occasions like weddings, anniversaries, or career promotions. The other is something I'm really interested in.

However, I don't think these two situations of liking have anything to do with how close I am to the owner of the circle of friends. Of course, this is just my personal habit and practice. I'm curious about what style your friends are.

On the other hand, we're born with an innate need for social recognition and want to be recognized and appreciated by others. This isn't a bad thing, but paying too much attention to the "likes" and "comments" in online socializing and hoping to get some comfort, recognition, and support from them is not only ineffective, but also short-lived.

It's only by looking within that we can become truly strong and find peace and composure. Judging our self-worth externally can only bring temporary comfort and calm.

At the end of the day, these losses are caused by a lack of self-identity and self-acceptance.

There are lots of ways to improve your self-identity and self-acceptance. The first step is to gain a clear and objective understanding of yourself.

You can use the "Zhouhari Window" tool here. The "Zhouhari Window" was proposed in 1955 by American social psychologists Joseph Luft and Harrylngham. Zhouhari is a combination of the first two letters of the two people's names.

They likened the mind and inner self of a person to a window, which can be divided into four parts: top, bottom, left, and right. The Johari Window names these four parts: the public self, which I know and others know; the blind self, which I don't know and others know; the hidden self, which I know and others don't know; and the unknown self, which neither I nor others know.

We all have these four parts within ourselves, and they come in different sizes. They also affect how we behave and how others perceive us in different ways.

Second, it's a good idea to try to develop some hobbies.

Hobbies like calligraphy, painting, flower arranging, and dance can be a real lifesaver when things are tough and help us to keep our sense of worth in check.

It's also important to take care of your body with regular aerobic exercise. Some studies have shown that the body and the mind are closely related. A healthy and energetic body can also give us a positive state of mind. On the other hand, physical health is actually more important than anything else.

Finally, if you're interested, you can also stick with some mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness is basically just living in the present moment, being mindful and paying attention to and feeling what's going on right now. Over time, it can really help us be more aware and happy, while also reducing a lot of unnecessary anxiety.

I believe that when you have a clear understanding of yourself and accept your limitations, you will gradually become full of strength and no longer fear the neglect and departure of others. Your heart will also become calm and at peace.

I hope these thoughts help.

Hug the host. It feels like you've been "sealed" by your circle of friends. Ask yourself, "Why do I care so much about the likes in my circle of friends? What are my real needs?"

We must ask ourselves: what are the expectations behind these behaviors? And what are the host's own needs? These are questions that require exploration and a slow, considered approach.

Behavior 1: Only open your circle of friends to a few close friends.

Behavior 2: I choose not to let other people's lives affect me. I set it so that I don't see her circle of friends.

Behavior 3: I can't see what others are doing, so I have to go in and like everything. It's exhausting.

The host should ask himself a few questions.

Is your circle of friends important to you?

You care a lot about what you usually post.

Let's talk about your emotions.

1. I refuse to let others think I'm jumping in to like things just because they do. I know my own mind, and I know what's good enough for me.

2. I am confident that my sudden openness will not come as a surprise to anyone.

3. I'm scared they'll find out.

4. I'm sad. It's clear to me that he no longer wants to play with me.

Look at these behaviors and emotions from the perspective of a third party or someone else. You will feel differently.

There are several contradictions here.

1. You don't want other people's lives to affect you, but you have to work hard to give praise to others.

2. I have a small circle of friends, and I don't want too many people to know about it. However, you're wondering if I should expand it.

3. A guy has pursued you, but you didn't agree. It's clear you don't care about the other person, but you're worried he doesn't like hanging out with you.

If you step out of your own perspective and look at these comments from the perspective of other people, you will see that this friend is bothered by the intangible thing called "friend circle." They are more sensitive, think more, spend a lot of time and energy on it, and their emotions are drained. What benefit do you see this friend getting from it?

The truth is that he has not benefited from it at all. In fact, it has delayed his own time and caused his emotions to fluctuate. He has been controlled by the circle of friends, and it has made him feel lost.

The host must be aware of this fact to see the deeper needs of oneself.

The core underlying reason for being controlled by the circle of friends is still the host's expectation of being noticed, loved, and seen.

We cannot get real experiences in the real world. This is why we find the same feeling in the virtual world.

You need to gain real-world experience.

1. Express your true feelings.

As you become more authentic, you will attract good friends who resonate with you on the same frequency.

If you keep hiding yourself, you will have a hard time in life.

You have to figure out who is nice, who has a grudge, who needs your attention, and who doesn't.

You will meet more than two million people in your life. Nearly a thousand of them will be familiar with you. Some people will have five thousand friends in their circle of friends. If you pay attention to each and every one of them,

It would be exhausting, wouldn't it?

Be your true self and make friends who are a good match.

2. The circle of friends is only a small part of life.

Let's be real. If you spend an average of 8 hours a day on your screen and all that time in your friends' circle, that still leaves 16 hours a day for your own life.

We have to study, make friends, chat with family, have leisure and entertainment, exercise and get fit, and so on. There are many things that make up our lives, and we must do them all.

It is also difficult for us to spend so much time in our circle of friends. Everyone just scrolls through it, and frankly, it is none of our business whether the other person has opened their circle of friends to us. And we certainly won't spend a lot of time researching it.

3. A true friend will give you a like offline.

Friends are not virtual; they are real-life companions.

Don't be upset if the other person doesn't like you back.

We must cherish the people around us in the real world and express our true feelings in real life.

A true friend will tease you, but they will be there for you when you need help.

Dear host, it's time to step out of your comfort zone and embrace your truest self. Only then will you be able to recognize the people in your life who truly care about you. Good luck!

Hello!

When you see your problems, I'll give you a hug (

It's so important to remember that the focus of attention in the circle of friends is always on whether anyone has liked your post. This underlying psychological need is simply the desire to be seen and to be noticed. This is a situation that will arise in everyone's growth process, and it's something we can all learn to embrace!

? Accept yourself and allow yourself to feel this way!

Absolutely! Everyone wants to be noticed, seen, loved, and accepted as they grow up. My dear, you are a unique being in the world!

You are the one who exists! It doesn't matter whether or not someone gives you likes or comments, actively gives you feedback, or responds. You are the one who exists!

We post on our Moments to record our lives and feelings! And the happiness we feel is like drinking water: each person knows best.

My dear, you can absolutely try to discover when you want praise and attention from others. Pay attention to yourself and buy yourself an ice cream or a piece of cake!

? Admit reality and learn to separate issues ?

Honey, here's the good news! We are not that important to other people. Even celebrities aren't that important to everyone!

There may even be a lot of haters, but this fact does not hurt us!

It's our perception of the facts that makes us sad, helpless, and crazy. If no one gives me a like, I'm not important, I'm not worthy of love. So everyone associates not giving me a like.

Of course it's painful, but it's also an opportunity for growth!

It's time to learn how to separate issues! This means understanding that everyone is free to make their own choices. No matter what others do, you are still free to accept or reject their requests.

Regarding your desire to get attention in your circle of friends, I think it is necessary to separate the issue. Take myself as an example: I have turned off my circle of friends for a long time, and I'm excited to start engaging with them again!

I just don't feel comfortable liking things, hahahaha! But that's okay! I'm excited to share that I'm not interested in the kind of content that comes with a certain number of likes, where you can get something in return.

But that doesn't mean I don't care about my friends and family! I will send them messages, actively pay attention to them, and respond to them.

Bao, being liked in your circle of friends is a great way to get instant attention and a sense of satisfaction! But to get more sustained attention and responses, you need to go find specific people to build relationships with.

I really hope my answer is helpful to you! The world and I love you!