I dare not get into conflicts with people. I'm afraid of arguments. How can I resolve this situation next time?

Hello, questioner!

"I often find myself holding back my anger, hesitant to express my thoughts and feelings, and reluctant to engage in conflict with others." How can we express our emotions in a way that maintains healthy relationships?

Perhaps we can find a way to resolve this together.

It's natural to feel frustrated when our views on a topic differ from those of others. It's easy to perceive others' attitudes and opinions as attacks on our beliefs.

If you find yourself hesitant to express anger, it may be because you're uncertain about how others will react or the potential impact on your relationships. It could also be a sign that you're not fully confident in your ability to articulate your thoughts.

First and foremost, it is important to recognize that differences in opinion are a natural part of life and that we cannot expect everyone to align with our views. When we react strongly to opposing views, it can narrow our perspective and hinder our ability to engage with others in a fair and objective manner.

When we are angry because someone's beliefs differ from ours, we might consider asking ourselves, "Is it necessary for him to agree with me? Could we perhaps accept that he has a different opinion?"

"When you engage in a constructive dialogue with your own ideas, you may encounter some differing perspectives, which can lead to a deeper understanding and appreciation for the other person's views. We can gently encourage ourselves to embrace a more open-minded approach, allowing for the possibility that others may have unique ideas or practices. As we become more tolerant of others, we may find that our own emotional responses to differences become more measured and less frequent."

As the questioner's example illustrates, there are implicit rules for etiquette in public places, such as not making a lot of noise. However, there are no clear boundaries as to whether certain actions conform to these rules.

For instance, on occasion, it may be appropriate to applaud loudly to enhance the ambience. Some individuals may even choose to do so deliberately to gain attention. Regardless of the intention, it is not constructive to blame the other person.

Otherwise, the other person may perceive your actions as excessive. In such a case, it is understandable that you might want to control your emotions and refrain from expressing your views to the other person. This is a natural response that the brain uses to protect you from unnecessary distress, and there is nothing wrong with it.

If the situation is related to your own interests and the other person's behavior is causing you distress, you have the option of expressing your emotions. How might you do that?

One approach is to begin by stating the event, then the emotions it evokes (for instance, "This situation makes me feel very angry"). Finally, you can make a specific request. For more detailed guidance, I recommend referring to the book "Nonviolent Communication." It offers a comprehensive explanation that can be applied to real-life scenarios. I hope this will be a valuable resource for you.

The next step is to learn to regulate your emotions and allow them to flow reasonably.

While we may be aware of certain facts, there is no need to become angry. However, our brains have become accustomed to responding in an angry manner, and it may take time to change this pattern.

This may require us to learn to be aware of our emotions, to discover when we are in an emotional state, and to consciously change. The specific methods are as follows:

It might be helpful to accept your emotions.

It is okay to feel angry. When you notice that you are getting angry again, you can say to yourself, "Oh, you're getting hurt again."

(2) Take a deep breath and focus on the difference between exhaling and inhaling. This can help to calm your mood.

(3) It may be helpful to take a moment to step away from the situation and then speak with the person when you feel you have regained your composure.

Perhaps it would be helpful to take a break from the situation and do something else.

You might like to consider developing some hobbies, such as sports, handicrafts, flower-growing, yoga, etc. Many people find that persevering with these activities over the long term has a positive effect on their wellbeing.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards,

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan.

From the author's account, it seems that the author may benefit from guidance on navigating conflicts in the workplace. Do you find yourself hesitant to engage in discussions when faced with disagreements? From my perspective, it's understandable to experience conflicts with others, as we all have unique perspectives and ways of thinking. Many of us tend to view situations from our own point of view, which can lead to disagreements.

How might we best approach conflicts in the workplace? We all have our own unique ways of dealing with them, and our approach is often shaped by our family of origin and our personality.

As the question was posed on a platform, we are unable to provide a detailed response. However, we can offer some straightforward advice to the original poster on how to navigate potential conflicts:

It might be helpful to accept the emotions you're experiencing in the moment.

It is understandable that people may feel negative emotions when something someone else does conflicts with their own ideas or unintentionally offends them. These feelings are normal.

It is also possible that some people with more intense emotions may find themselves reacting impulsively, which could be seen as a manifestation of negative emotions. When emotions arise, it can be helpful to take a moment to observe the underlying reasons for your feelings. For instance, if the questioner feels that the applause of the person next to them is too loud and disruptive, or that her enthusiastic applause suggests a lack of engagement, it might be valuable to explore these feelings in a gentle and respectful manner.

It is important to accept that you are currently feeling emotional. It is understandable to feel negative emotions when someone's actions conflict with your own, regardless of the circumstances.

It would be helpful to try to understand other people's motives.

In the workplace, people often have their own ideas about what others do. It can be challenging for the questioner to impose their ideas on others, unless they are in a leadership position and can point out inappropriate behavior. One way to approach this is to try to stand in the other person's shoes and think about why the colleague did it.

It is possible that the other person is not intending to cause any harm to the questioner. They may simply be trying to make a deeper impression on others through actions like loud applause and cheers. It is also understandable that everyone has a tendency to show themselves to others in ways that they are familiar with. Different personalities will also express themselves in different ways.

It might also be helpful for the questioner to consider how they express their emotions when they encounter something that is worth being excited or happy about. Understanding other people's motives could also help the questioner consider things from other people's perspectives and release their emotions.

It is important to avoid escalation and deterioration of conflicts.

When some conflict arises, the questioner may wish to consider ways of avoiding the escalation and deterioration of the conflict. Some minor conflicts may disappear if you choose to ignore them. If the other person does have an impact on you, you may find it helpful to promptly express your thoughts and feelings to avoid them building up inside you and erupting one day, causing the escalation and deterioration of the conflict. This may make it more challenging for the questioner to advance in their career.

As an example, if the questioner feels that someone is applauding too loudly and if you feel that his behavior is inappropriate and has an impact on you, the questioner could consider trying to defuse the situation by smiling at him and then pulling away. Sometimes, a sudden smile or gesture like pulling away can be a way to remind the other person that you do not accept certain behaviors.

If the other person sees the behavior of the questioner, ignores it, and continues to do what they want, the questioner might consider trying to stay away from the source of conflict. Or when chatting with others, it could be helpful to clearly express your dislike of certain behaviors and suggest what you would like them to do.

When communicating, it is important to address the issue at hand and refrain from making personal comments about the person involved. Otherwise, the situation may escalate and become more challenging to resolve.

Dealing with Stress

Dealing with conflict can be challenging, especially when it involves our workplace relationships. It's natural to feel pressure when facing such situations. We might wonder, will my workplace relationships be in crisis if I don't handle it well? Or, will I lose something in the workplace after dealing with it?

It is important to remember that these concerns can place a great deal of pressure on the questioner. One of the most effective ways to manage this pressure is to release it through some healthy exercise, or to talk about your stress with friends.

It is advisable to avoid dealing with conflicts under pressure, as this may result in an escalation of emotions and responses that are not always rational. One can benefit from attempting to envision how they would respond to the other person's actions in a conflictual situation. With practice and familiarity, individuals can learn to manage their own conflicts effectively.

It might be helpful to find psychological support.

If the questioner feels that they are unable to deal with workplace conflicts and unable to face the consequences of workplace conflicts, and these thoughts deeply distress the questioner, then it might be helpful for the questioner to consider seeking the support of a professional psychological counselor. I believe that behavior therapy could be a beneficial approach in this case.

Behavioral therapy may help to reduce the association between obsessive thoughts and daily triggers, break the obsessive thoughts in the questioner's mind, and allow the questioner to focus on other things.

I hope my answer is helpful to the questioner.

Good day, I am Chi Lu Zi. When I read the original poster's text, I could discern the conflict and contradiction you are experiencing in this situation.

In the moment, you may feel inclined to express your emotions, but you are hesitant to do so due to concerns about potential conflict. This can lead to a cycle of avoidance and unresolved emotions, creating a sense of discomfort and difficulty in letting go. It is important to recognize this challenge and find ways to navigate it effectively.

It may be beneficial to consider whether it would be appropriate to address the matter in a similar way in the future, and to discuss it further.

You are aware of the solution to the problem you have presented. You have identified a direct method to resolve the issue, and I am confident in your ability to implement it.

In the event that you find yourself in a similar situation in the future, it is advisable to communicate your feelings and expectations as clearly as possible. This will help you to express yourself more effectively and, at the same time, avoid any unnecessary conflict. To this end, I would like to suggest a simple technique for conveying your unhappiness: tell the other person how you feel and what you would like them to do.

When we encounter something that evokes negative emotions, we tend to focus on discussing the event itself or the other person involved, rather than expressing our feelings and desired outcomes. However, these two aspects are arguably the most crucial elements in any situation.

To illustrate, in the aforementioned example, if someone next to you applauds too loudly, you may wish to inquire as to the reason for their enthusiastic response. This would be a direct question, addressing both the action itself and the individual responsible for it.

Discussing matters of opinion: It is inevitable that differing opinions will arise when matters of opinion are discussed. Discussing individuals: When individuals are discussed, the discussion is likely to become personal and offensive, which in turn will lead to conflict.

However, it is important to distinguish between expressing your feelings and what you want the other person to do, and attempting to avoid arguments that lead to different perceptions of events.

This approach is more direct and effective, while minimizing the potential for conflict. For instance, in the aforementioned example, a polite request such as, "Excuse me, could you please clap quietly?" could be made.

"I can hear you vibrating next to me, and it's a bit uncomfortable." You have articulated your feelings and thoughts in a way that avoids potential conflicts.

I hope this advice has been useful to you.

If you are amenable, we may delve more deeply into this matter, which may prove uncomfortable given that I will be conducting a more thorough investigation and seeking to clarify the situation and your role in it.

When you are ready, please ask yourself the following two questions:

Please explain why you believe your expression will result in conflict when you wish to express yourself.

Perhaps you have previously attempted to express yourself and encountered a negative outcome.

Or have you attempted to express yourself to a close associate, only to receive a disappointing response?

Or for other reasons.

To summarize, there seems to be a general lack of confidence in expressing oneself effectively, particularly in emotionally charged situations.

What are the underlying reasons for the aversion to conflict?

Please describe the circumstances that led to this negative emotional response.

In general, people are afraid of conflict because they lack confidence in their ability to perform well and resolve conflicts successfully. They feel helpless when faced with conflict because they have no experience of resolving it successfully. To overcome this, they need to develop a sense of positive efficacy through successful experiences so that they can feel in control of conflict situations.

Naturally, the potential responses to these two questions are merely general references to concepts that I have presented based on the limited information you have provided. You will undoubtedly be able to identify your own responses.

I believe that when you are willing to ask yourself these two questions and keep exploring and investigating to gain a deeper understanding of yourself, you will be better equipped to handle such a situation with greater confidence.

Best regards,

From what you have written, it is clear that you often face dilemmas when dealing with interpersonal relationships. You have thoughts in your mind that you are afraid to express because you think you will feel uncomfortable afterwards.

We will discuss this from four perspectives:

1. Regarding self-esteem

You feel resentful when the person next to you applauds loudly. Think about where this resentment comes from.

You feel resentful when the person next to you applauds loudly. Think about where this resentment comes from.

The loud applause makes you feel disrespected and offended. He's taking advantage of the situation to get the leader's attention, which is unfair to you.

If your dissatisfaction is related to hurt pride, then you need to decide what kind of pride you want to maintain and how to maintain it better.

2. Expectations

I want to know how you would like to be treated at work. For example, I want my leader to notice my loyalty and dedication to the company.

For example, you should demand more attention and kindness from your colleagues.

Your dissatisfaction with the applause is likely due to an unmet inner need.

We often hide our inner needs, as if we should feel guilty or ashamed for having them. This is wrong. There is nothing wrong or right with needs themselves. They faithfully express our inner being.

Talk to your inner self. See your inner needs clearly. Understand yourself better. Relieve your confusion.

3. Coping with it

You dislike conflict in relationships. When faced with it, you choose to avoid or withdraw.

I understand how you feel. Conflict is a significant source of psychological stress, and it's normal to be afraid of it.

Avoidance is often a way to protect yourself. However, it seems that after you avoid it, you will deny what you have done, as if you feel that the person who avoided it is not brave enough.

It's up to you to decide whether it's better to be brave or wise. The ancients said, "Choose the lesser of two evils."

If you remember this, it will reduce some of your confusion.

4. About relationships It's time to talk about relationships.

From your question, it's clear you don't have much information about your relationships with others. It's obvious you're dissatisfied with yourself.

You seem to be afraid of expressing your dissatisfaction with others. You also seem to prefer an image of being able to speak freely because you did not express your disappointment with yourself.

The most important principle in interpersonal relationships is to have clear boundaries. You should speak up, even if you're afraid.

If your interests have really been violated, you must fight for what is right. You can keep exercising your courage and try to say it next time.

If it is purely the freedom of others and they have not deliberately offended you, even if you are dissatisfied at this time, you should know that speaking your mind is the courage of a fool. It is really better to be wise and silent.

I am Teng Ying, a professional listener, and I will help you.

Hello! I'm Jia Ao.

You're open about your problems on the platform. You say you're soft-spoken and afraid of conflicts at work. You know what to do to adjust your mentality, but what should you do to solve such problems?

If you avoid conflict, it shows you care about your image and others' feelings. If you don't argue, it shows you're principled and reasonable. But you may also ignore your feelings. There are two sides to everything.

I'm afraid of conflicts and don't dare to have them. How should I adjust?

? Analyze and sort out your problems.

Learn to recognize emotions.

Be aware of your emotions. Know what happens when you're afraid of conflict. Can you handle it? Is it uncontrollable?

Or try to express your thoughts and opinions. Accept your emotions, take care of your feelings, and put yourself first.

[Enhance your self-confidence]

If you're afraid of conflict, it's probably because you lack self-confidence. You feel different from other people, putting yourself in a low position and others in a high one. When things happen, you avoid and are timid. The more timid you are, the more reckless others will be. This is a vicious cycle. You need to cultivate your self-confidence. When you face conflict, you need to have the courage to stand up for yourself.

[Learn to separate issues]

The Adlerian concept of "separation of issues" means that we should distinguish between our problems and those of others. This helps us solve interpersonal problems.

Other people's behavior is their business. We can't control others, but we can do our best. If a colleague claps loudly, we can't interfere. It's not a serious matter. We don't have to let it affect our mood. If the other person is really too much, we can just point it out. "You clap quite actively. Don't be so active next time." We can believe in ourselves. The other person will still pay more attention.

[Avoid conflict]

Try the method of subliminal suggestion. Stay calm on the surface, but internally argue with the other person. This means "I don't take you seriously, I'm just going to crush you in my heart." Just stare at the other person without entering into a conflict. The longer you stare, the better. The other person will feel uncomfortable. Then, express your opinion. With more practice, you will become more comfortable, your courage will grow, and you will stop worrying and being afraid.

[Strengthen your inner self]

You can learn more psychology to improve your resilience and communication skills. This can prevent mental depletion and help you deal with problems at work or in life. You will become stronger and be able to resolve conflicts with others. I hope you become more courageous in the future.

I hope my answer helps. The world and I love you.

Hello! I'll give you a 360-degree hug!

From your brief question, we can first categorize your description and then see how to solve it. This is going to be fun!

For example, you say that you are afraid of conflicts, that you dare not say what you think, and that you are afraid of arguments.

Then you gave an example: in a company meeting, someone next to you applauded loudly, which made you feel resentful. You wanted to say, "Why are you applauding so loudly?" but you were afraid of a fight, so you didn't dare say anything.

Now, let's dive into the event that sparked your dissatisfaction: the enthusiastic applause from your colleague!

From your description, it's clear that your colleague's behavior didn't align with your expectations, which led to a sense of dissatisfaction.

From the perspective of cognitive behavioral therapy and the ABC model of emotions, the behavior of your colleague is the activating event A, and your dissatisfaction is the emotion C caused by this event.

And here's the really cool part: between behavior and emotion, there's a perception, or intermediate belief. That means that when faced with the same stimulus, different people have different perceptions, which can lead to different emotions and behaviors.

In other words, you feel dissatisfied when a colleague applauds loudly, and this is your emotion. The colleague on the other side may think it's fine, or may not have thought about it at all.

So, you have the power to change your own feelings, not those of your colleague! It's not their fault if they don't match your expectations.

But here's the great thing: emotions are our own, and how to deal with them is our own business!

As you said in this incident, your dissatisfaction is something you get to deal with! You may say, "I'll just swallow it," or you may say, "I'll speak up," or you may say, "Well, that's their freedom, I can't ask them to meet my requirements."

There's absolutely nothing wrong with these ways of coping! It's just that different coping styles will lead to different consequences.

And some consequences are not what we want to see, for example, conflict.

Now, let's dive into your other question: having angry words but not daring to say them. We all know that once angry words are spoken, the other person may respond in the same way, escalating the conflict.

But where does this anger come from? And why do you want to say "angry things"?

Is it always someone else's fault when we get angry? Let's find out!

You wrote relatively little, but I'm excited to help you understand what you mean by "anger." From the example you gave, it seems that the anger is not caused by someone else's fault, but is a psychological reaction to someone else's behavior that is not at fault, and that you need to deal with.

Of course, the above is based on the statement of your simple question. It may not be 100% accurate, but it's a great place to start! Given the relatively small amount of content you've provided, it's perfect for getting the ball rolling.

I'd love to hear more!

I am a psychological counselor who is often depressed and sometimes optimistic, who absolutely loves the world and loves you!

I think the questioner needs a hug! I can feel the questioner's suppressed anger, and I also see that the questioner lacks sufficient understanding of these emotions. I don't know how to face and express my different views on myself and others, and I'm very anxious.

When you're faced with a situation like this, it's important to accept your own emotions, accept that you're different from others, not impose your views on others, and be aware of what your emotions are expressing. Then express your inner thoughts in a reasonable and appropriate way that can be understood and accepted by the other person without making them feel attacked.

It's like when someone claps loudly and it makes the questioner feel uncomfortable and dissatisfied. It's a normal thing to do, but it touches the emotions inside the questioner, who then needs to understand what this dissatisfaction means. For him, the volume of his applause is something he can freely control without being influenced by others. If the questioner feels confused in this situation, he can ask the other person why they applauded so loudly, which is also a way to express his own thoughts.

If you keep it inside and don't say it out loud, it just causes self-doubt. Nobody else can see or hear it. You keep guessing and speculating in your mind based on past cognitive thinking patterns. Then you try to verify some of your unreasonable thoughts. You even hint to yourself that your previous thoughts were right. That just forms a vicious cycle of self-guessing, self-verification, and self-reinforcement.

From what the questioner has said, it seems that they lack confidence and a sense of security. They were probably rejected a lot when they were growing up and didn't get enough trust, recognition, or acceptance. This means that they always force themselves to suppress their thoughts and feelings and are afraid to express them, including their needs. This seriously affects how they interact with others.

Hello, question asker. I can see you're feeling confused right now. I'm here to support you!

It seems you're going through some emotional challenges. Please accept my warm hug.

Have you been in this line of work long?

If not, something like this might happen:

It's possible that when you were at work and you were dissatisfied with someone, you tried to express your true thoughts.

It's also possible that they had a falling out with you, which might have caused some psychological trauma.

As a result, you're afraid to express your true thoughts because it might bring back bad memories.

It's an instinctive self-defense mechanism of your body.

If that's the case, it'd be a good idea to get some help from a professional counselor.

A counselor can take a third-party view, be non-judgmental, and approach things objectively. This helps them give more useful and constructive advice.

I really hope we can find a solution to your problem soon.

That's all I can think of at the moment.

I hope my above answer is helpful and inspiring to you. I'm the respondent, and I study hard every day.

Here at Yixinli, we love what we do and we love our customers. Best wishes!

"Wouldn't it be better to just say it and talk more about it next time you encounter this situation?" Absolutely! It's always better to say it and talk more about it next time you encounter this situation!

We're all in this together, and that's a beautiful thing! We all have different thoughts, words, and actions from time to time, and that's okay! When someone makes us feel uncomfortable, it's always a good idea to communicate with them to let them know how we're feeling and what we need.

It's totally normal to feel afraid to speak up when you're angry. We all know that conflict with others can cause a lot of trouble.

"Afraid of conflict with others" ~ because there will be trouble after a conflict, it is better to endure it and be the boss, otherwise there will be trouble from the other person.

How can we get out of this tricky situation?

We can learn so much from each other in life! The problems we encounter today have all been faced by others before, or are being experienced by others right now. If you pay attention to how the people around you handle similar situations, you can learn so much from them.

It would be really helpful for us to learn from knowledge books. There are so many problems in life that require wisdom to deal with. And communication is such an important part of life! Books or courses related to this can really help us to improve our communication skills when we're dealing with people.

I'd love to share my experience with you!

Angry words don't have to be said angrily. When we express ourselves with accusations, complaints, and emotions, the other person will feel "denied," "attacked," and "lectured." It's only natural! They will usually "protect their face," "prove themselves right," "find excuses," and "fight back" to protect their "self"...

It's so important to be consistent in how we communicate. If we're feeling overwhelmed by someone's applause, for example, we can kindly ask them to be a little quieter. When we're aware of our emotions and see the needs behind them, we can use consistent communication to express ourselves while also taking into account the situation and the other person's feelings. That way, we can avoid any conflict and still get our needs met.

If the other person is "unreasonable," there's no need to let it get you down. There are always more "ways" than "problems." With a little practice, you can learn more communication skills to resolve conflicts. For example, you can learn the ability of "breakthrough communication."

Ability…

Language is a skill, and it's also a way of getting along with the world. We're not all born superhuman, but we can all learn and grow! It's always a joy to learn and practice!

I wish you all the best in your future self-growth and happiness!

Hello, I'm Bai Mayuzhu, a psychological counselor. I'm so excited to chat with you! From your title, it's clear you've already taken the first step in understanding this matter. You've identified that you're afraid of conflicts with others, which is totally normal. But you've also recognized that you're often afraid to express your true feelings and opinions. So, let's dive in and see what's causing this situation!

There are so many factors that can contribute to this situation! Some ideas from childhood may have been suppressed, or even not allowed to be expressed. In the acquired environment, repeated interpersonal setbacks can cause doubts about oneself. This can lead to feelings of uncertainty about whether one's ideas will be recognized by others, and if they are expressed, whether others will accept them. If a conflict occurs, it's important to consider whether it might lead to one's own injury or the injury of others. This can be a great opportunity to learn more about oneself and one's boundaries! In more serious cases, one may try to please others. If this situation cannot be improved, and one's emotions are suppressed for a long time, it can have a negative impact on social relationships. However, this doesn't have to be the end of the story! With a little bit of effort, one can gradually become familiar with one's true feelings and learn to express oneself more confidently. This is an exciting journey of self-discovery! So, apart from systematically analyzing the root causes, little by little rediscovering one's true feelings, and learning some skills for interacting with others, what else can be done now?

1: It's time to embrace the fact that everyone in the world is an independent individual with different feelings. And you know what? That's a great thing! Allow yourself to feel differently from others and watch the world open up to you in amazing ways.

2: Now, think about what you are afraid of if you express your true feelings. What happens if the thing you are afraid of happens?

3: If you are afraid of hurting others, what kind of communication method can minimize this risk?

I've put together a little something for you based on what you've shared with me. I really hope it's inspiring and helpful! If there's anything else you want to say or anything else you need, please feel free to PM me. I wish you all the best!

I totally get it. I know you're feeling a little unsatisfied, but you're holding it in because you're worried about how this person will react. It's totally natural to feel this way!

I can see how you might have been angry. We all get angry sometimes, and it can depend on the situation. Sometimes it's because we're feeling frustrated inside, and it's not about anyone else. And other times, it's because someone else has done or said something that's made us feel angry.

I can see how you might be feeling a bit stuck about the incident you mentioned about your colleagues applauding during the company meeting. I think it's totally normal to applaud during a meeting, and you can't really interfere. So, what do you do?

In one situation, you might find yourself applauding along with everyone else, and your applause might be louder than his, drowning out his voice. What about the other situation? You might choose to hold back.

The tricky thing is that it's not always easy to tell whether you're angry for your own reasons or because someone else has caused you to be angry. My advice is that if someone is obviously targeting you to provoke you, you should fight back immediately.

But in most cases, it's not always easy to get angry right away. It's important to take a moment to see the situation clearly, stay calm and take responsibility for your emotions.

Another great way to handle this is to speak directly about what you say and have direct communication. If you're not sure whether the other person is targeting you or has something against you, then adopting a more direct and honest way of communicating can clarify any misunderstandings.

I really hope these answers are helpful for you!

Hello! I just wanted to say that I understand and sympathize with the questioner.

From what you've said, it seems like you're worried and afraid of conflicts with others. You tend to avoid and escape, which is a good way to preserve yourself or maintain relationships when dealing with "non-critical conflicts." Let's agree to disagree!

It's important to remember that disagreements are a normal part of life and work. As long as they're not about principles, it's usually best to compromise. However, if there's no room for compromise in a critical conflict (one that touches on your bottom line), it's okay to stand firm. What exactly constitutes a critical conflict?

[Key conflict] is when the goals and bottom lines have been set, but the other person often breaks their promises, which is disappointing for both of you. At this point, it's not possible to resolve the situation through dialogue, so you need to question and hold the other person accountable.

Conflicts aren't something to be afraid of. If you handle them right, they can actually help strengthen relationships. When you handle them right, you can get two good results: you can resolve the problem smoothly, and you can also improve your relationships with others.

The questioner is afraid of dealing with conflict and can look for other ways to handle it.

1) Being too timid and perhaps a little self-defeating, avoiding the problem and not willing to solve it violently. But the result of your retreat and avoidance is that the problem persists. Will the problem get worse over time?

If you think it'll get worse, it'll cost you more than it does now. At the very least, that's not an effective way to deal with the problem.

2) There are other ways to deal with problems besides keeping quiet or solving them violently. Of course there are, and we can talk about them together.

It's usually a straightforward, non-judgmental chat to try to reach a consensus. If you don't reach one the first time, you can keep discussing it until you do.

The key is to follow one principle: a gentle attitude (no complaining), remain rational, base your arguments on facts, and evaluate objectively. Don't be aggressive or add fuel to the fire, avoid resentment and dissatisfaction, and be result-oriented. "Seek harmony as the goal, seek common ground while reserving differences, reach an agreement, and avoid mutual destruction." You can also try tentative pre-communication, give examples, use comparisons, etc., which will be more conducive to solving and resolving the problem.

No matter how much you say, it won't be enough to get anyone moving unless you put it into practice, make improvements, and work towards a common goal.

I hope this helps the questioner out.

I'm Peiwen, a listener on the Yixinli platform. I love what I do, and I love the world.

Greetings, inquirer. I am Jiang 61.

First and foremost, I would like to express my gratitude for placing your trust in us and seeking our assistance. I can discern a sense of unease and anxiety in your demeanor when in the presence of your new superior. I extend a gesture of comfort and support.

It provides guidance on how to conduct oneself in an authentic manner.

1. Leadership

1. Personality Type

You indicate that a new leader has assumed a position within the unit and that this leader's preferred mode of communication is to discuss individuals.

Those with a blame orientation tend to ascribe responsibility to others for their own shortcomings.

You have indicated that the new leader's preferred mode of communication is to discuss the actions of others, which suggests that the leader is inclined to assign blame. Your repeated admonishments by the leader indicate that the latter has already taken note of your actions.

Individuals who engage in blame-shifting behaviors possess the talent and energy to lead. They tend to make a considerable amount of noise, ascribe blame to others, focus on minor details, exhibit a tendency to worry about losing a sense of control, and are easily provoked and nervous.

The individual in question displays characteristics associated with an aggressive personality type.

Those with a radical personality type are inclined to assume leadership roles, wherein they may engage in behaviors such as issuing commands and delivering lectures to others.

Those with a radical personality tend to exhibit the following characteristics:

Individuals with this personality type are characterized by a strong will, action orientation, high energy levels, and a focus on achieving results.

The advantages of this personality type include courage and decisiveness, perseverance, fearlessness in the face of challenges, and a high level of self-discipline.

The disadvantages of this personality type include a tendency toward short-temperedness, a lack of empathy, stubbornness, arrogance, and complacency.

2. The leader's intention

If the subordinate has said this, it can be reasonably inferred that there are two possible meanings:

It is reasonable to posit that the subordinate in question has certain expectations of the leader.

The leader may hold you in higher regard and have more ambitious expectations of you. By identifying your shortcomings, the leader may be attempting to facilitate your swift improvement.

The emotion of fear is a powerful motivator. It can influence an individual's behavior in ways that may not be immediately apparent. When faced with a situation that elicits fear, an individual may exhibit a range of reactions, from avoidance to confrontation.

The leader also has his own concerns, which he attempts to address through the use of preaching. This serves to demonstrate his status and authority while simultaneously reminding you not to provoke him easily. It is likely that he is also experiencing feelings of insecurity, as he is uncertain about whether you will listen to him and respect his authority.

It is not yet clear whether you are liked or intimidated by your leader.

2. You

1. Personality

You indicate that you are an introverted and sensitive individual who is unable to tolerate criticism. You also assert that you possess a robust sense of self-esteem.

The essence of being pleasing is the prioritization of others' needs over one's own. The individual in question perceives safety and love as contingent upon their ability to make others feel at ease.

From the description provided, it can be inferred that the individual in question is reluctant to express their opinions in the presence of their leader, has been subjected to criticism on a few occasions, and is apprehensive about engaging with their leader. Additionally, the individual has been experiencing negative emotional states on a consistent basis.

This individual exhibits the characteristics of a typical people-pleaser.

A pleasing personality is one that is characterized by a tendency to blindly please others without sufficient attention to one's own feelings. This can be considered an unhealthy psychological state. The essence of pleasing is that others are of greater importance than oneself. One's sense of safety and love is contingent upon the perception of being a source of comfort to others.

The subject displays characteristics associated with a melancholic temperament.

You indicate that you are highly sensitive and possess a robust sense of self-esteem. You are apprehensive about meeting with your supervisor following a critique and identify as an introvert. This personality type is characterized by

Characteristics: thoughtful, highly sensitive, idealistic, and in pursuit of truth, goodness, and beauty.

The individual in question exhibits the following strengths: sensitivity, loyalty, talent, and insight.

The disadvantages of this personality type include traits such as stubbornness, indecisiveness, self-centeredness, pessimism, and passivity.

2. Feelings

You indicate that, subsequent to experiencing this on a number of occasions, you found yourself under considerable pressure at work, fearful of being reprimanded, and disinclined to visit his office. The work was exceedingly disagreeable, and you frequently experienced depressive episodes.

It is reasonable to posit that expectations may be a significant factor in this situation.

Your own expectations are that you will impress your superior.

It is anticipated that the leader will treat the individual with greater respect and consideration, and refrain from issuing constant criticism, which would facilitate more productive work.

Anxiety

The subject displays a reluctance to accept criticism, citing previous instances where their leader has reprimanded them. They perceive a sense of pressure and believe that the leader holds a negative opinion of them. This has led to feelings of apprehension and nervousness, which have in turn affected their work performance. The subject reports feelings of anxiety and depression.

3. Causes

As a result of your personality traits

Idealistic thinking

The subject displays a pronounced tendency to be preoccupied with the opinions of others, particularly those of superiors. There is a clear desire to create a favourable impression on superiors.

Consequently, when feedback is provided by a superior, the individual in question tends to doubt themselves and deny their abilities, rather than considering the feedback in a positive and proactive manner. This can lead to feelings of tension and anxiety.

Your tendency toward idealism, which often leads to an expectation of perfection, can impede your creativity, diminish your capacity to perform, and engender feelings of anxiety.

Inability to correctly evaluate oneself

The subject displays an inability to understand themselves and exhibits a susceptibility to the opinions of others. This results in an inability to view and analyse themselves objectively, which in turn gives rise to feelings of insecurity and anxiety.

The influence of the original family unit

It is possible that your family of origin has instilled in you a sense of inferiority. In your family of origin, you were frequently held responsible by your parents, which has made you particularly sensitive to blame. Being blamed implies that you are not competent, and this can cause significant anxiety, as you worry that you will be held responsible if you do not perform well. This state of mind persists in the workplace, significantly influencing your work mood.

3. Adjustment Strategies

1. Self-Awareness

The following are the strengths in question:

By identifying one's strengths, such as intellectual capacity, emotional sensitivity, meticulousness, and a commitment to excellence, individuals can focus their efforts on developing these attributes, perform at their optimal level, and express their unique perspectives and insights. These qualities can be viewed as assets.

Ability

It is important to understand one's own work capabilities, that is, to recognize one's strengths and limitations. This understanding enables one to identify the needs that can be met for leaders and others, as well as those that cannot.

It is important to understand one's expectations of oneself. Currently, the expectation is to overcome fear and nervousness with confidence. To achieve this, it is necessary to understand oneself, utilize one's strengths, and develop self-confidence. If these steps are taken, the expectation will be met.

It is important to understand one's own expectations. Currently, the expectation is to overcome fear and nervousness with confidence. To achieve this, it is necessary to understand oneself, utilize one's strengths, and develop self-confidence. If these steps are taken successfully, the expectation will be met.

2. Gain an understanding of leadership.

The following section will address the topic of work style.

The apprehension experienced in the presence of one's superior can be attributed to a discrepancy between the expectations held and the actual personality traits exhibited by the individual in question. Additionally, a lack of comprehension regarding the superior's work style and a potential misunderstanding of their intentions may also contribute to this phenomenon. However, acquiring a comprehensive understanding of the superior's work style can prove invaluable in alleviating this unease.

It is important to have clear expectations of what is required of you in order to ensure that you are able to meet the demands of your role effectively.

It is crucial to comprehend the expectations of one's leader and to ascertain the requirements they have of one in order to fulfill them to the best of one's abilities. This is vital for the successful completion of one's work.

What are your expectations of your leader, apart from the hope that they will provide less criticism? It is advisable to communicate with your leader in order to obtain the support you require to facilitate the smooth progression of your work.

3. Cultivate self-confidence

It is advisable to utilise one's strengths to their fullest potential.

One should endeavor to perform tasks in a proficient and expedient manner, thereby demonstrating one's capabilities and fostering self-assurance.

The capacity to motivate oneself is a crucial skill in any professional context.

Upon completion of a task, it is beneficial to provide oneself with a form of self-incentive. This may take the form of a tangible reward, such as a small token, a desired item, a meal, or a ritual.

A sense of accomplishment contributes to the development of self-confidence.

4. Emotion Management

Good emotional management is a crucial aspect of how one interacts with leaders and colleagues. It entails the ability to:

It is essential to recognize the emotions one is experiencing.

This constitutes the initial phase of emotional management. Upon experiencing an emotion, it is essential to identify its specific nature, such as anxiety, anger, or sadness.

The act of accepting one's emotions is a crucial aspect of emotional management. It entails acknowledging and embracing one's emotional state, regardless of whether it aligns with the external circumstances. This can be a challenging process, particularly when emotions are intense or difficult to tolerate. However, it is an essential step in regulating one's emotions and fostering emotional well-being.

Healthy emotions are those that align with the circumstances at hand. When one's emotional state is in alignment with objective reality, the initial step is to acknowledge this alignment by affirming that the emotions being experienced are normal.

Such an approach will result in a reduction of emotional tension and the restoration of inner peace.

It is important to be able to express one's emotions.

The term "emotional expression" refers to the act of articulating one's own emotions. This is typically done through the use of the first-person pronoun, "I," or phrases such as "My feelings are..."

It is essential to cultivate emotions.

Emotional management necessitates cultivation and practice. The following methods may be employed to cultivate and practice in order to facilitate the management of emotions at work and facilitate learning and growth.

(1) A regular lifestyle can also help to stabilise emotions.

(2) Cultivate a hobby, allow positive emotions to motivate you, embrace self-love, and appreciate the beauty of life.

(3) Providing care and assistance to others, allowing love to reside within one's heart, and assisting others in their own self-help endeavors represents a profound source of joy.

(4) Connecting with nature, immersing oneself in the world's essence, expanding one's intellectual horizons, and soothing one's emotions can collectively contribute to enhanced emotional stability.

(5) Forming connections with individuals in executive roles and engaging in interactions with emotionally stable individuals can help to mitigate the impact of emotional interference and fluctuations.

5. Effective Communication

Effective communication with leaders, colleagues, and partners is a crucial aspect of professional life, as it facilitates the establishment of interpersonal relationships. The utilisation of effective interpersonal communication methods can significantly enhance an individual's work efficiency.

Communication can be defined as the exchange of information. It is a process whereby a communicator transmits a message to a communication object with the intention that the communication object will respond in a desired manner. If this occurs, effective communication is complete.

Verbal and non-verbal messages comprise the entirety of any communication. However, the non-verbal component is typically of greater consequence than the verbal aspect.

The process of effective communication can be broken down into four fundamental steps.

The initial step is to express one's feelings, rather than emotions.

Step 2: Articulate your desired outcomes, rather than your objections. Express your feelings of anger, rather than merely indicating that you intend to express them.

Step 3: Articulate one's needs, rather than expressing discontent; refrain from allowing the other party to speculate as to one's desires.

Step 4: Express the desired direction of travel, rather than dwelling on the current situation. Consider the ultimate outcome, rather than becoming mired in the immediate circumstances.

When individuals understand themselves, utilize their strengths and resources, and align their expectations with those of their leaders, they can effectively manage their emotions, cultivate positive interpersonal relationships, communicate effectively, and receive support from their leaders. This enables them to thrive in their professional roles.

As a result, confidence will be enhanced and concerns will be alleviated.

One might inquire of the author, offer oneself solace, and accept the premise that one is capable of achieving the task at hand.

In conclusion, it is my sincere hope that the individual who posed the question will enjoy a life filled with relaxation and happiness.

Hello!

Host:

I read your post and I could tell you were afraid of conflict. But I also saw that you were brave enough to face your own heart and look for help on the platform. That's a great start. It'll help you understand yourself better and become more powerful.

Next, I'll share some thoughts from the post that might help you see the issue from a different angle.

1. Accept that you can't say it right now.

From what you said in your post, I get the impression that you often have things you want to say but don't because you're afraid of conflict. For instance, at our company meetings, I sometimes feel annoyed when someone next to me applauds loudly during the applause. I think to myself, "Why are you applauding so loudly?" But I don't say it because I'm afraid of having a disagreement with that person.

As a matter of fact, a lot of people are like you, the host, and afraid of conflict. So your question also concerns a lot of other people.

So, next, let's talk about what we can do for ourselves in the meantime. I think the first thing is to accept that we can't do it right now.

I get it. You want to know how to handle this next time. But it might not be that you lack suggestions and methods. It might be that you lack inner confidence or the underlying logic.

I think you've told yourself many times to be brave and just say it. But you just haven't been able to do it.

There's a reason why we can't do that right now, though. So, we can just accept the situation for now and think about why we can't do it instead. That might be more helpful for us.

2. What does it mean to you to have an argument?

In your post, you said you're afraid of conflict and don't want to argue with others. What do you think a conflict or argument with someone would look like?

What are you afraid of? We think it's a good question to ask ourselves.

Some people are afraid of conflict because they don't know how to handle it or resolve it.

Some people avoid conflict because they've had negative experiences in the past. They might stay silent or agree with others to avoid confrontation. Others have irrational beliefs that make them afraid of conflict. They might think that conflict is their own fault and that they're bad people.

This type of person is also very afraid of conflict. Of course, this may also be related to their upbringing and the way they were brought up in their early years.

People who grew up in an environment where they felt like everything was their fault are more likely to have these kinds of unreasonable perceptions.

You might want to think about your own upbringing and early parenting style. This could help us understand ourselves better and make any necessary adjustments.

3. Communication and expression

If you're afraid of conflict, we can still use communication methods to avoid it. That way, the original poster can also learn new ways of communicating.

This can also help you express your inner thoughts more clearly. In communication, we can learn some high-emotional-intelligence communication methods.

For example, you could check out "Nonviolent Communication" and so on. If you're interested, go for it! As I've said, answering questions has its limits. Reading a book will give you a more comprehensive overview, which I'm sure will inspire you.

I hope these are helpful and inspiring for you. If you have any questions, you can also click to find a coach and enter a one-on-one chat service to communicate better, explore together, and grow.