I dislike my ingratiating personality, yet I can't control it?

I'm sorry to hear that. I also went from university to society, and I understand.

I agree with you. I want to please my classmates and hope they're sincere with me. But everyone's different. If you treat people nicely just because you want to, and don't get recognition, this approach is useless. You'll also live a tired life, which is mentally burdensome.

People with a pleasing personality are sensitive. They understand other people's feelings and actions. You are good at sensing other people's emotions and actions!

You are selfless, but you also crave love. If you want to get out of this, I can help.

First, recognize your vulnerability. Society is complex and not as carefree as it was when you were a child. Find a way to change yourself and overcome your vulnerability. Don't depend on others for love. Love yourself better. I have one dollar today. You originally wanted to share it with your classmates, but they may not realize that what you are giving them is all you have. You might as well buy something for yourself to enjoy.

Second, don't expect others to love you. Your parents love you because they want to, but others don't. Everyone is selfish. If you think other people exist to depend on you and please you, you're wrong. It's better to relax and enjoy your life.

Third, don't take cheap love. There was once a famous psychology experiment where a person kept giving candy to an outsider, and if they didn't give it one day, they would accuse you.

People will only think your kindness is cheap if you don't give them anything. Give them something and they'll be grateful. Make your actions valuable and don't give easily. This will make you feel better about yourself and help you be more confident.

As a result of your actions, you will receive the consequences.

Based on your description, your personality is not one that seeks to please others. The pleasing type is inclined to please others by making self-deprecating remarks, and you are obviously not this type.

However, I can see that you are a very strong person, with a touch of arrogance. Your confusion stems from the fact that they deliberately want to keep their distance from you.

This is a dichotomy of desires. On the one hand, there is a desire to integrate with them because of feelings of isolation. On the other hand, there is a desire to draw a line with them because of a perception of superiority.

Your outward appearance is that of a strong and aloof person, although you have a tender side. However, you do not provide people with the opportunity to get to know you, which results in them avoiding you.

You are aloof, but kind at heart. You are inclined to assist others in need, but often feel unappreciated. This leads to frustration and a subsequent withdrawal from the situation, which ultimately results in a widening of the gap between you and the other party.

It is time to start over.

In fact, this question is relatively straightforward to answer. It would be beneficial to take some time to reflect on your personal attributes and values. As colleagues, we are all equal and should treat each other with respect. It is important to recognise that we all have strengths and abilities, and it is not necessary to draw attention to them.

It is not feasible for an individual to operate in isolation. You have a propensity to assist others, but you also require assistance from others.

Going forward, it is essential to dismantle the barriers you have erected in your heart to resist love. Allow the love of others to enter your heart along with the sunshine.

The specific approach is to treat them with an equal gaze, actively seek their assistance when they encounter difficulties in their studies and lives, and demonstrate that you are approachable and understanding, not aloof or detached.

You are a highly capable individual. I am confident that by overcoming your biases and maintaining an open mind, you will be able to effectively address this challenge, recognizing that it is not in itself a significant issue.

I extend my sincerest wishes for your well-being.

Hello, I'm a heart coach. I can see how frustrated you are. You treat your classmates and others with sincerity, but in return they don't take you seriously, which makes you feel hurt and disrespected.

Let's give you a warm hug and say thanks for your enthusiasm and kindness.

Let's give you a warm hug and praise you for your enthusiasm and kindness. Let's take a look at what's bothering you.

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First of all, this isn't a "pleasing personality type." It's a result of your good qualities, like being helpful, empathetic, and good with your classmates.

First of all, this isn't a "pleasing personality type." It's a result of your good qualities, like being helpful, empathetic, and good at getting along with your classmates.

Everyone has their own set of inherent patterns, behavioral patterns, emotional patterns, and ways of thinking. These patterns also influence how they interact with others.

For instance, your enthusiasm extends beyond just your classmates—it also applies to your family, friends, and even strangers. Given that this is a pattern you've developed over time, it's something you've probably become quite used to.

People are used to evaluating people or events based on their own values and standards. Having values means having judgments, and judgments are based on one's beliefs.

As you've said, you're friendly and kind to your classmates, but they ignore your feelings and don't reciprocate with the same level of sincerity. These are your judgments.

It's good to be able to judge things. It helps us to know which way to go. For example, if we get on with our classmates, we can judge who is really good to us. But if we get stuck in our ways, each way of thinking has a "limited belief". Fixation = fixed obsession, which is caused by limited thinking.

Being too fixed in your views can make life less fluid and can even damage relationships.

When we get too fixed in our views, it can make it harder to communicate with others. Once we're fixed in our minds, it's difficult to listen and we tend to label people. To listen effectively, it's important to let go of our preconceptions.

You might want to consider looking at things from different perspectives to give yourself more options.

Try to put yourself in other people's shoes and see things from their perspective. We can't expect others to be like us, so we can't use the same standards to judge and demand of others.

Genuine empathy is about developing empathy and feeling what the other person feels. It's about understanding their intentions and why they're acting the way they are.

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It's also a good idea to learn to express yourself and tell your colleagues what you need from them.

It's also a good idea to learn to express yourself and tell your classmates what you need from them. For example, "I hope everyone can 'see' me, and I hope you can give me the necessary reminders and help when I need it, for example..."

Words aren't always clear, and classmates are usually pretty straightforward, without a lot of competition. There's a greater need to get along sincerely and friendly. When you express and speak your own opinions and feelings directly, you'll realize that everything is just your own imagination.

I hope you're enjoying university life and having a great time. I hope you're happy and joyful every day, creating lots of beautiful memories, and achieving your personal goals.

I hope this is helpful to you. Best regards, [Name]

If you want to keep in touch, just click "Find a coach" in the top right or bottom of the page. I'll be in touch and we can keep growing together.

Hi, I'm Qingqing, your whale social worker.

From what you've said, I can see why you're angry and feel helpless, and I can also sense your desire to change the situation. I hope my analysis helps answer your questions.

(1) First of all, I feel really bad for the questioner. But, in my opinion, our help and kind reminders to others should never be for their return! This doesn't mean we should give to others without expecting anything in return. It just means we should think about who we should give to.

What's the best way to give?

(2) From this, we can see that it's not worth investing in a relationship where there's no mutual feeling. It seems like there's no need to stick with something that's not going to last.

Of course, this doesn't mean we have to cut ties with the other person. We can just reduce our own commitment and become the "average" one in the group. And if the questioner wants to change the relationship, why not try expressing our confusion?

(3) In fact, there are many things in life that we don't need to worry about. But it's easy to get into that mindset, where we can't let things go and we're always worrying. At that point, we need to ask ourselves: Is this thing or this person important to me?

If it's not important, why am I worrying about it? If it is important, how can I change it?

Of course, you need to be careful in your personal relationships, and I'm sure you'll find the answer you're looking for.

Best wishes! (Yi Xinli Whale Social Worker)