I don't feel comfortable around my elders. How can I change that?

Hello, question owner!

From your description, I can see that you are confused, but I also see your ability to persevere and face problems bravely and find solutions.

You say that since childhood, you have never liked spending time with your elders because of your introverted personality. However, you also felt a sense of oppression and distance when you were with your leaders at work. You feel very confused. Is that right?

I'd like you to tell me when you first felt this sense of distance. What happened at that time?

Tell me when you didn't feel this way and how you relaxed. What were you doing in that situation?

From your description, it's clear you're uncomfortable with your introverted personality and the comments others make about it. You want to change this situation, and I can help you do just that.

Life heals those who are willing to be healed. When you become aware of this uncomfortable feeling and come here to talk about it and find a solution to the problem, you are on the path to change.

All problems are our resources and the basis for us to continue to break through and grow even harder.

Your personality and feelings are not unusual. Many people have had them before. I have had them before too. A boy I liked once had them too. We were completely different. I had them because of inferiority complexes, and he had them because of genetics and life experiences. There are many possible causes. It could be because of the way you were brought up in your family of origin, it could be caused by genetics and life experiences. You can become more aware of it. Only by constantly becoming aware of it can you find the root of the problem and grow better.

I have some suggestions for how you can overcome your problems and improve your feelings.

First, get help from a professional counselor.

It doesn't matter why. We may be introverted and unable to get close to others, and we feel a sense of distance. If we cannot break through on our own, we can seek help from professional counselors. They can use professional techniques to adjust our perceptions, dig deep into the roots of our subconscious, and create a safe and protective environment for us, so that we have the strength to grow.

Read more psychology books and join a psychology study group. I was just like you once. I had a sense of distance from everyone and didn't know how to get in touch with others. I slowly changed during the process of immersing myself in psychology. Now I'm not very good at it, but my life has become a lot easier, and it's also a lot easier to get in touch with others.

Then, hug yourself.

I know you felt uncomfortable when you came here and told your story in person. Now that you want to change, I suggest you embrace yourself. Give yourself a hug, pat yourself on the back, and tell yourself you've worked hard, done a good job, become aware, awoken, and everything is moving in a positive direction. Have a dialogue with your inner self and reconcile with yourself. This will bring you peace and help you change.

Second, use positive mental suggestions.

This is more like hypnosis in real life. Use positive mental suggestions to tell yourself you can do it, communicate with others, and express your thoughts. Persist and tell yourself positive, encouraging things. They'll help you.

Next, try it.

In the process of studying psychology, I have heard many stories, including those of introverts who, in order to break through themselves, go to the park to communicate with strangers and ask them to do things for them. At first, they may be a bit reserved and shy, but they will change. So if you really want to change, start acting and keep trying to initiate conversations with others. Little by little, you will make breakthroughs.

Finally, learn to look within yourself.

Everyone is unique and indispensable in the world. Everyone has their own advantages. In fact, introversion also has certain benefits. Everyone has their own potential, and each personality also has their own advantages. Look within yourself. Discover your potential. Allow and accept yourself. Reconcile with yourself. In this way, you will become aware and clarify yourself.

Read this book: Quiet: The Power of Introverts.

I want to be clear: it doesn't matter what kind of person you are. Someone will always love you, and someone will always accept and embrace you. But first, we must learn to love, accept, and embrace ourselves because we are unique in the world. If we cannot accept and love ourselves, how can we expect others to love us? So learn to love and accept yourself, actively adjust your mental state, and find your own strengths and potential. Then one day you will shine.

Good day. I am Strawberry.

It is unlikely that an individual would reject another for no apparent reason, particularly if the other is a relative. Therefore, it seems reasonable to posit that there must be a reason for the question asker's resistance to contact with their relatives. One possibility is that the question asker finds the other's sense of humour distasteful; another is that the question asker perceives the other's concern as excessive.

The impact of personality

An individual's character is significantly shaped by their relationship with their parents. If parents are reserved, introverted, and lack social interaction, and if they frequently discourage and negate their children, it is not uncommon for the child to develop an introverted, timid, and honest personality.

The influence of the environment and parents can result in individuals becoming timid and avoiding communication and eye contact with people, except with family members. Additionally, inexperience and a fear of saying the wrong thing, which may result in others laughing at them, can contribute to this avoidance. When avoidance is not possible, individuals may experience awkwardness in dealing with the situation.

Individuals who are more introverted and quiet are likely to receive comments from adults regarding their behavior. While these comments may appear to be expressions of concern, they often result in feelings of pressure and distress. Failure to address these comments can lead to a lack of motivation to challenge oneself, ultimately leading to stagnation.

The act of recognizing one's own issues

Due to his personality, the subject displays apprehension when engaging in social interactions. Despite exhibiting improvements in this area during adulthood, he continues to experience difficulties in maintaining a relaxed and natural communication style. Additionally, he exhibits a reluctance to extend favors to others, potentially influenced by his personality traits.

The repayment of favors is one of the most challenging aspects of interpersonal relationships, as it is not easily quantifiable in terms of value. The accumulation of favors owed can lead to feelings of obligation and guilt when one is the recipient of kindness.

The underlying cause of this apprehension is a lack of self-assurance, which instills a fear of disappointing others and an inability to reciprocate their benevolence. This internal resistance to kindness manifests as a reluctance to engage further with the source of such gestures.

It is important to allow oneself to grow and develop.

An individual's character is susceptible to alteration as a result of interactions with others, the surrounding environment, and the acquisition of knowledge. The questioner has endeavored to enhance their character through the implementation of their own methodologies. While these methods have demonstrated some efficacy, they have not yet reached the desired level of improvement. Additionally, the questioner has engaged in fantasies about an idealized version of themselves. However, in the face of reality, they have opted to refrain from pursuing this ideal.

☀️Practice more: It is recommended that the question owner learn to express themselves, communicate with others, and practice these skills. In fact, the question owner will find that it is not particularly difficult to do so. There are many books and courses on communication that the question owner can read and learn from. Two recommended books are "Communication Psychology" and "Learning Oral Skills Every Day." At first, the question owner can practice speaking to themselves in a mirror, and then slowly transfer the object to people around them. It is important to speak more and practice more to increase one's courage.

Affirmation: Have you considered identifying your own strengths? It is important to recognize that everyone possesses both strengths and weaknesses. Focusing exclusively on weaknesses may lead to a perception of negativity and a lack of self-confidence. One strategy for fostering self-assurance is to identify one strength each day and affirm it. This process can be enhanced by sharing the affirmation on a platform or in a notebook. Providing a detailed description of the strength can further enhance its impact. Over time, this approach can lead to a more positive self-perception.

It is evident from the questioner's writing that numerous individuals have taken the initiative to extend assistance and treat him with respect. This illustrates that the questioner is a person who inspires others to approach him on their own initiative and that he is deserving of everyone's support. Given that everyone recognizes the questioner, it is imperative for him to recognize his own worth and not to internalize negative self-perceptions. It is crucial to accept oneself more fully and to recognize that the intentions of others towards the questioner are benevolent. They are offering assistance to the questioner, and they are not expecting anything in return. It is important to avoid placing excessive pressure on oneself and to strive to maintain these relationships.

It is my hope that this response will prove beneficial to the questioner. Wishing the questioner well.

Hello!

From your expression, I can feel your grateful heart!

1. Thank you so much! Is it really true that the more you say it, the better?

In interpersonal interactions, expressing gratitude after receiving help is a fluid process. However, if you need to keep saying thank you, you may lose the beauty and meaning of gratitude itself. So, let's make sure we're doing it right!

It's totally normal and reasonable to feel a bit resistant when you're told to say thank you over and over again during your growth process.

Second, introversion is a personality trait, so does introversion necessarily need to be equated with honesty?

"Honest" is a limitation on one's potential. It is generally an evaluation from the external environment, and I personally think this evaluation is rather mean. But there's so much more to it than that!

In the family environment, there's a real opportunity to describe a child's character in more detail. And in the social environment, we can all work together to show more empathy and make more objective evaluations. This is why we have the chance to rethink the use of "honest" and make it more meaningful.

And coupled with the eye-catching effect of short videos at times, getting rid of "honest" has also become a means of publicity—which is pretty cool!

Introverts, when they compare themselves to others, are given labels. Over time, they begin to automatically deny their own selves—but there's so much more to them than that!

3. Sense of boundaries among relatives

I absolutely believe that the power of the collective is enormous! Trusting others, helping others, and asking for help when appropriate are all part of a universal pattern.

However, every concept or realm can be used in a distorted way. This is why it is so important to ensure that your consideration for relatives is not at the expense of your personal feelings. If you can achieve this, you will be well on your way to maintaining the natural harmony in your life!

If you are not affected by personal boundaries, if relatives do not pay excessive attention, and if parents do not always instill the desire to please and ingratiate themselves during the parenting process, you will experience the incredible gift of natural growth and vitality!

You simply have to read Rollo May's "The Search for Self" to experience the incredible charm of growth!

I'm Qinling, a certified writer at Yi Psychology, and I'm also a listening therapist at Yi Psychology!

Hello, I'm here to answer your question.

I'm a listening master, Lingjing, and I'm really happy to have this chance to meet here.

It's clear from how you act around your relatives, especially the older ones, that you don't like spending time with them. You even go so far as to avoid them. It's obvious that you're uncomfortable around them. You know this and are trying hard to change, but you still come across as an introvert, difficult to get along with, and rude.

I get it. I was in a similar situation, so I understand how uncomfortable you feel. Let me give you a warm hug.

From my own experience, I think this situation is caused by

When you were a kid, there were fewer family members around, or they were busy with other things, so you didn't interact with others much. You didn't learn the skills of interacting with people. You weren't used to the usual ways of communicating. When you tried to learn them as an adult, they seemed awkward and insincere, and even more unnatural, which made you feel even more uncomfortable.

As a child, your experiences were all about exploration. You often received reprimands from adults, which made you feel insecure. When you communicate with others, especially if the person is authoritative, you worry even more about not doing well or making mistakes. This puts a lot of psychological pressure on you.

They lack confidence in their abilities, don't believe they can handle the situation, and don't think they are as good as other people. So they think, "Other people are doing such a good job, and in comparison, I'm just showing my true colors."

This is just my own take on it, but basically, it all comes down to a lack of self-confidence and unrealistically high expectations. At the same time, we tend to exaggerate the harsh side of the elders while ignoring the loving side of their treatment of the younger generation. Inevitably, there's a huge generation gap in people's hearts, which makes it difficult to understand each other.

If you want to make some changes, the best place to start is with your inner experience. Here are two things you can try:

First, find a parent who's always wanted to chat with you and sit down with them to have a real conversation. It doesn't matter if you're conflicted inside, just speak directly about your difficulties and see how the other person responds. For example, "I've actually always wanted to chat with you, but you know, I've been introverted since I was a child, and chatting with an elder like you makes me even more nervous." In this way, you first release your sense of tension, and then express your repressed emotions.

Then, the fact that this elder wants to chat with you shows that he cares about you, and the fact that you chose to speak to him proves that you can sense his goodwill. So I believe that his response will be tolerant and loving, and it'll help you to see things from a different perspective.

I get that this is tough for you and maybe a bit direct. If you're not on board, there's another way you can make changes on your own: study.

As the saying goes, there's a golden house in the book, which means there are answers to any questions. So, learning is a process that will either help you find the answer to your question or change you in subtle ways.

I'm an enthusiastic answerer, a psychological listener, an offline consultant, a health manager, a nutritionist, and a traditional Chinese medicine health enthusiast. I'm always learning new things to help me face life, and I love sharing what I've learned with others. I hope I can help you too!

Good day, my name is Gu Daoxi Fengshou.

I am able to empathize with the questioner's predicament to a significant extent.

A reluctance to engage in social interaction and communication may be attributed to a number of factors.

1. The experience of rejection during childhood instilled a sense of inferiority and a fear of speaking up, due to the concern of making mistakes. The act of initiating greetings with relatives is a source of apprehension, as there is a possibility of being ridiculed if the name is mispronounced.

Fear of Authority: When interacting with individuals in positions of authority, such as leaders or elders, one may experience a sense of apprehension and trepidation, particularly in the anticipation of being subjected to a verbal reprimand or admonishment.

3. I am unsure of the appropriate response. I lack experience in addressing this kind of problem. I am uneasy about offering such polite responses, and I am uncertain of the most appropriate way to do so. My initial inclination is to avoid such interactions.

The acceptance of one's ordinariness and imperfections is a lifelong endeavor. There is no need for the questioner to hasten the process of finding an answer; rather, they should engage in introspection to gain a deeper understanding of their inner feelings and make necessary adjustments accordingly. The questioner may consider the following approach:

1. It is evident that individuals express gratitude in diverse ways. The questioner may opt to express their gratitude in a language with which they are proficient. A colleague at work provided invaluable assistance during my pregnancy, and I was not adept at articulating sentimental expressions of gratitude. I was aware that she had a fondness for fish, so I often prepared fish for her to consume. Despite the absence of explicit expressions of gratitude, I perceive a profound strength in our friendship. She once informed me that the note she had given me was intended for a cherished friend, which served to facilitate my initial engagement with her.

2. One may be reluctant to extend a greeting due to apprehension about potential rejection or a lack of proficiency in the language. Practicing the act of greeting oneself in a mirror can facilitate the psychological preparation for initiating interactions with others. While initial discomfort is common, with practice, one can gradually become more comfortable engaging in social interactions.

3. When an individual is experiencing feelings of nervousness, verbalizing the situation can help to reduce those feelings.

4. Expressing oneself may not be a forte, but perhaps an alternative approach would be to adopt a listening stance and allow the other person to perceive one's sincerity and benevolence.

5. Accepting one's current self and being conscious of the impact of subliminal messages. Self-awareness exerts a considerable influence on behavior. Positive subliminal messages facilitate positive changes.

6. It is important to recognize that elders are also ordinary people, and that they are not infallible. It is not necessary to feel significant psychological pressure from authorities and elders.

7. It is recommended that you engage in self-healing and familiarise yourself with psychological knowledge in related fields. This will assist you in understanding your past more clearly, accepting your present circumstances, and determining the most appropriate course of action for the future.

The aforementioned represents my personal opinion, which I offer for your consideration. Best wishes!