I don't have any close friends. Is there something wrong with me? I'm a little tired.

From your description, it's clear that you're a pretty laid-back person. If the other person can make you really happy, you'll have a blast together! You'll be totally at ease with them, and you won't worry too much about what other people think. You don't have many close friends, but your personality is pretty free-spirited, which is great!

I'm not saying I don't like people getting too close to me or anything, because if you get too close to other people, you will easily be influenced by their views and values. Other people usually use various means to influence you so that you become very similar to them, and there's nothing wrong with that!

On the other hand, if you have some good friends, they may ask you to stand on the same side as them. If they don't like someone, you also have the opportunity to dislike that person, which means you can form a unity with them in the same attitude. In this way, your personal behavior will be very passive.

At that time, you will have the incredible opportunity to follow the other person's footsteps and run your own attitude! Happiness is the most important thing and also a value for you. If other people don't approve, they will probably oppose this situation and this statement, because interpersonal relationships are supposed to involve different people—and that's a good thing!

Each of us has our own unique characteristics, and that's what makes us special! When people with different characteristics come together, it's inevitable that some conflicts and inconsistencies will arise. But that's okay! People usually like those who have more in common with them and who have common topics to talk about. If they are completely incompatible, then there will definitely be more conflicts and trouble in the process of getting along. But that's all part of the journey! Understanding these things is essential.

And there's another thing! Getting something may also mean losing something. But here's the good news: if you want to get something, you may have to give up some of your subjective initiative and self. Why? Because it is very difficult to become a complete self!

It means that you have the opportunity to let go of a lot of things before you can reach this point. You may also get to smooth out some of your edges to cater to others and make them accept you. Right now, you want to have a closer relationship with your friends, but you actually can't, because you enjoy the freedom of living more.

Instead of letting others invade your boundaries too much, you need to find the right balance. When you feel lonely and isolated, it may be that you have let your boundaries down a little too far. But don't worry! You can let someone or someone special into your life. This person must be special, someone you trust very much.

Then you can share more with this person, and it'll be amazing! The intimacy between you will increase, and the social distance between you will also become closer. In this way, you'll be better off. Find a balance in such an environment, so that you are not too lonely, but also not too close to others, losing some of your own self. At the same time, it is also recommended that you be able to talk about your feelings, so that you can understand the characteristics of your current emotional changes, and make some subtle adjustments in your life. Come on!

ZQ?

Hello.

I'm in a position to offer you some advice.

Your description leads me to conclude that a lack of close friends indicates a problem. You need to be certain of this.

You don't have close friends because you're not interested in exchanging secrets. You want to keep your secrets to yourself, and you're not willing to trade them for someone else's. You're not looking for a relationship where you have to share everything.

You are a person who pays great attention to the boundaries of relationships. What is a sense of boundaries?

A sense of boundaries means that I can accept only so much. Anything more than that is an infringement of my boundaries, and I will not tolerate it. You are doing the right thing. It's not about pointing out that a lot of people around you are doing this and that, and that you are wrong for being different from them.

The book The Crowd makes a clear point: if a certain group of people have one opinion and another group of people have the opposite opinion, then the minority group will feel that there is something wrong with them. This is often the case.

Let's consider this in our daily lives. If we want to support an opinion, but 80% of people support another, we'll question ourselves on whether we should adjust to fit in.

We don't need to do this. Each of us needs to maintain an independent thinking mind, and you have this.

But what are you tired of now? You are different with each person because you accurately grasp their character traits and you understand what they are thinking.

It is normal to express different things depending on the relationship and closeness with each person.

Others may perceive you as inconsistent and judgmental, particularly regarding appearances.

We can take other people's opinions and suggestions as advice and adjust accordingly. There is no need to negate ourselves because each of us has our own behavioral model. People are social animals. It is best to have friends around so that if we have something to say, we can have someone to talk to and somewhere to go to have fun with.

You may feel a little lonely because you don't have a good match. Don't let that stop you from taking the first step and getting to know someone. They may try to infringe on your boundaries, but you have to set your own limits. You were hoping for something, and you will find it.

You can say with confidence that your current state is one in which you have not yet met a soulmate or a true friend.

Keep this heart of yours, which is so carefree and wants to maintain good interpersonal relationships. You will meet someone who resonates with you and can become your friend.

What others think is their business. They only know the tip of the iceberg about you: your character, your habits, your way of thinking. Only you know yourself best.

When faced with doubts from others, we can simply smile and be respectful. We can have our own judgments and ideas about the rest.

I wish you the best.

Hello, question asker.

From your description, I get the impression that you are a very optimistic person and that you are a relatively kind person. I'm curious to know what might have happened to make you feel this way. When you feel that uncomfortable feeling that bothers you, it could be a kind of awareness that shows you are wise. When you come here to talk or find a breakthrough, you are already on the right path.

From your description, it seems as though you may also be someone who is easily influenced by the outside world. I'm not sure if you agree with what I said or not.

Everyone in life is unique, and each person has their own temperament, character traits, and preferences. Given that you say you don't have friends of the same sex and are troubled by this, and that you get along well with people of the opposite sex, it might be helpful to focus on doing whatever makes you feel comfortable. You are you, and there is no need to compromise yourself for others.

From your description, it seems that you are experiencing distress due to your own doubts. It's possible that you are someone who is particularly considerate of others and tends to take responsibility for situations. I wonder if it might be helpful to consider why you believe it is your own problem.

I believe this will be more helpful to you.

I believe you are absolutely right. People should just be themselves, be happy, be comfortable, and do what they want. However, it seems that nowadays, very few people do that. I would even say that these are the reasons for our self-attack, because we don't have the confidence. I'm not sure if you understand what I mean. It's possible that the lack of confidence here may be related to the education in our family of origin. It would be helpful to be aware of the reasons for this.

From your description, I get the overall impression that you have a pretty good personality. It seems that you don't particularly enjoy backstabbing or beating around the bush. You prefer to communicate in a straightforward and effective manner, although you may be somewhat sensitive. Is that right?

If I understand correctly, these things you don't like bother you and bring you some negative emotions. I'd like to offer a few tips in the hope that they might help you release these bad emotions and find a breakthrough.

Perhaps it would be helpful to adjust your mindset and establish some boundaries.

There is no absolute right or wrong in life, no inherent good or bad. Our perceptions of these things depend on our perspective. In order to adjust this emotion, it might help to recognize that there is nothing inherently wrong with you. You simply have a preference for interpersonal relationships that do not make you uncomfortable. This is perfectly normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

Perhaps it would be helpful to adjust your mindset, be yourself, establish a sense of boundaries, and consider how you can make yourself comfortable while obeying the law. Life is short, and it's important to prioritize your own comfort.

Perhaps it would be helpful to adjust your mindset, establish a sense of boundaries, and focus on doing your own thing.

Secondly, it might be helpful to accept yourself.

From what you've told me, you seem like a kind and cheerful person. I'd love to be friends with you. I think it would help you to accept yourself and your differences. Everyone has their own unique personality, and that's something to be celebrated. I enjoy spending time with boys because I find their personalities engaging.

Could I ask why it is not seen as a problem to like playing with boys and not with girls? Do you think you could accept yourself a little more?

It's understandable that playing with them might make us feel uncomfortable. This is perfectly normal. It might help to adjust your mindset and accept yourself, to feel more at ease.

I would gently suggest that you consider releasing this emotion.

There are a number of ways to release emotions. You might consider talking to someone, whether it's a friend, a male friend, or a family member, and expressing your uncomfortable feelings. This could help to alleviate the discomfort you're experiencing. Alternatively, you could seek the support of a professional counselor, who may be able to assist you in understanding the underlying reasons behind your feelings.

They can also help you to examine the situation more deeply, which may give you the strength to accept and love yourself.

If I might make one more contribution, I would like to say that it is perfectly okay to have these feelings, and you are perfectly normal. It is simply a matter of recognizing that these feelings are not necessarily something to be avoided or ashamed of. They are just emotions that we sometimes want to avoid because they can make us feel uncomfortable. I believe in you, and I think it is important to remember that we are here to have fun. Let's try to have as much fun as we can.

Hello, I'm Yu Hengbo, a psychological counselor. It sounds like you have a great relationship with boys, but you feel a bit pressured when spending time with girls.

You're great at protecting your boundaries and you're not into being too intimate. It seems like you're a bit different from others because you don't have any close friends. I think this is about having the courage to be hated.

Embrace your courage to be hated and your courage to be happy! Don't be afraid of being hated because it's only then you'll be free and at ease.

It's fantastic that you feel happy, get along well with boys, and don't want to share your privacy with others! You can let your heart be free and not care about what others think.

1. How to deal with troubles caused by interpersonal relationships. Many troubles come from interpersonal relationships. We always have the opportunity to meet other people's standards, even if sometimes we don't want to do it.

We become self-deprecating because we are afraid of being disliked by others and of being hurt in our relationships. But we can overcome this! We may therefore hate or dislike ourselves, and put ourselves in a very low position, so as to avoid being hurt in our relationships with others.

We will be lonely, and to experience loneliness, the presence of others is also needed. But here's the good news: only in social relationships can we experience human loneliness. And if you were the only person in the universe at the beginning, loneliness would not exist at all!

The most important thing is to focus on your own journey and not worry about what others are doing. As long as you keep moving forward, you will be fine. And remember, whether you are happy or not depends on how you perceive your current situation and what meaning you give to it. It is your own choice!

2. Learn to separate issues

Every single person has their own life issues to work through. All interpersonal conflicts arise from meddling in other people's issues or meddling in your own issues.

For example, if you like to keep your privacy and not expose yourself too much, first think about "whose issue is this?" and then separate the issues. Distinguish clearly whether it is your own issue or someone else's, and calmly draw a line. At the same time, do not interfere with other people's issues or let others interfere with your own issues. To put it bluntly, the so-called issue separation is to be able to distinguish between other people's affairs and my own affairs, and other people's emotions and my own emotions.

In other words, take charge of your life! Don't let other people's affairs or emotions control you.

3. The so-called freedom is being hated by others.

It is painful to be disliked. But guess what? We all want to be liked! And that is totally possible! It just means that we need to stop worrying about what others think and start living our lives to the fullest.

Embrace your freedom! It's okay to be disliked by others. If you don't care what others say, aren't afraid of being disliked, and don't seek approval from others, you'll be free to live your life the way you want.

In short, "fear of being disliked by others" is my own problem, and I have the right to make my own choices! "Whether others dislike me" is other people's problem, and I have no control over it. Even if someone dislikes me, it is other people's business, and I cannot interfere, nor do I need to.

If you can see this, I absolutely believe your relationships will suddenly become much easier! The world is simple, and so is life. When you are free inside and free from constraints, things become simpler and simpler. You'll probably discover that many people actually like you and that you are capable of intimate relationships!

I highly recommend reading "The Courage to Be Disliked"!

You feel more comfortable alone, but you're also worried about what others think. This makes it hard to know if staying alone is good or not.

There are different ways to view the questioner's current state.

1. You lack confidence. This is seen from the perspective of self-psychology. Our beliefs are formed by others.

You like being alone, but you have a hard time enjoying it. You worry about what other people think. Few people in your life appreciate your solitude. There is too little positive feedback, which makes you ignore your own needs.

2. Attachment patterns. The questioner said he doesn't like deep relationships. This may be why you're having trouble.

People are social animals and need relationships. The quality of early relationships affects how people experience intimacy. If a caregiver is gentle and attentive, the child is likely to develop a secure attachment. If the caregiver's quality of care is poor, the child may develop an ambivalent attachment. Ambivalent children are likely to lose control of their emotions when they become adults. When the caregiver's parenting style is neglectful, the child feels the caregiver doesn't understand them. The child will feel pain and become disappointed. Such children develop an avoidant attachment. When they become adults, they may also not trust relationships. They are also afraid to expose their pain because it may make them feel invisible.

Avoidant people need distance in relationships to avoid emotional pain. They believe in "getting through difficulties on their own." This is neither good nor bad, especially if they are capable. They may be able to live an organized life.

If you encounter difficulties that are beyond his or her ability to handle, it will be easy to fall into a helpless situation because it is more difficult for him or her to trust others and ask for help when they are in pain.

You like to be alone and maintain a distance in relationships. This can make you feel comfortable, but in difficult moments, it can isolate you and leave you helpless.

We are all a mix of independent and dependent. The key to growing up is to be independent when we need to be and to accept our need for dependence when we need it.

If you want to stay in your comfort zone, that's fine. There are gains and losses. If you want to improve your intimate relationship, a good relationship can help. You can also seek professional psychological services.

You can learn about group therapy or dynamic group therapy. You can also get long-term one-on-one counseling to help you form a secure attachment.

Hello, I'm Xin Tan, Coach Fei Yun here!

I totally get it! You don't like it when friends get too close because it makes you feel like you don't have any personal space. You prefer to spend time with the opposite sex (boys) because you think they are less complicated than girls, and they don't get too involved or interfere in other people's personal affairs.

Relaxation and happiness are super important in your relationships with others!

Are they being overly sensitive and demanding, or are you just being yourself? Let's dive in and take a look at the questions that are troubling you:

?1. There is no absolute standard for "intimacy" between friends — it's a beautiful, ever-changing thing!

As you said, you are a bit disgusted by "too close" friendship, which lacks a sense of boundaries, and the other person interferes with your behavior and even "demands" you to be like him according to his preferences.

Everyone has their own needs for independence and autonomy, and that's a good thing! If what you call "too close" infringes on or deprives you of your freedom, making you feel uncomfortable, it's time to embrace your independence and find happiness on your own.

The standard of intimacy is not in the other person, but in each person's own feelings. Just like two good friends sitting at the same table, they can choose to keep a shoulder distance or to be closer or farther apart—it's up to them!

This distance can be equivalent to our definition of "intimacy," which is great!

Some good friends eat and live together, and even share personal items! Some good friends maintain a certain distance, and keep your things and mine clearly separate. Therefore, the standard is in oneself – and it's a great one!

It's so interesting how we all have different outlooks on life and feelings! This is why you might meet someone the other person doesn't like, and also someone you don't like. When you see this, and understand everyone's different standards, you will naturally be able to understand and accept, and allow for more differences with us.

? 2. Embrace your own style of making friends! You don't have to be deliberate about everything.

"A gentleman's friendship is as light as water" is a fantastic principle for interpersonal relationships! It's just like how you feel when you're with a guy – relaxed and simple, just having fun and spending time together, nothing more.

Boys and girls are different, and that's a good thing! Boys tend to focus on the matter at hand, while girls are more attuned to the emotional nuances. This leads to a fascinating spectrum of personalities, from sentimental and emotionally delicate girls to masculine and uninhibited boys.

Wear what makes you feel comfortable, and maintain your own style when making friends, while also showing respect for those around you. It's so important to be true to yourself! We don't have to force others to share the same style and patterns as us.

You are absolutely entitled to be yourself!

I really hope the above is helpful to you, and I love you so much! ??

If you want to continue the conversation, just click "Find a coach" in the upper right corner or at the bottom. I can't wait to communicate and grow with you one-on-one!

Hello, I'm responding to the questioner.

From what you've said, it seems like you're a bit confused about interpersonal relationships at the moment. I can see how you're feeling.

I don't have any close friends because I'm not a big fan of being too close and I don't like it when they ask me personal questions. I feel it's better to keep all relationships at a distance.

From what you've said, it seems like you have a good understanding of your boundaries. You don't want to get too involved in relationships because you're worried about getting hurt or because you don't want to owe people favours and end up having to keep your distance. I'm in a similar position. I don't want to get too close to people and risk being hurt.

I find it easy to get along with boys. They don't overthink things just because I say something, and they never ask me questions I don't want to answer. I don't like it when people impose their opinions on me. For example, if I don't like someone, I don't like them too. But I think I have a lot of fun with them. Having fun is the most important thing to me, but other people don't seem to think so. They always think I'm not being honest. Is it really dishonest to act differently towards different people in different situations?

You think guys are easy to get along with and don't think much because men have a single way of thinking. They don't think things are too complicated and don't have other thoughts, so they won't have many boundary issues with you. Others like to use their own point of view to demand things from you, which is actually an attempt to control you and get you to do things their way. They want you to belong to their group and can tell that your main goal is to be happy. Others think you and they don't just belong to the same circle, so they will have certain ideas about control.

It's not your fault. It's just that you and they don't live life the same way. It has to do with family education, personal experiences, and so on.

Here's some personal advice on how to break the code:

[1] Respect your own boundaries and don't let others violate them. Having your own bottom line and principles, you can correctly treat the differences between people and also keep your own boundaries from being violated, and of course not violate other people's boundaries. In this way, by maintaining relatively clear boundaries, interpersonal relationships will develop more stably.

2. Learn to recognize your emotions and think clearly. When you feel uncomfortable, recognize your emotions, avoid letting negative emotions affect you, figure out why you feel uncomfortable, view your emotions rationally, and adjust your response accordingly.

[3] There's no right or wrong in opinions, only different worldviews. There's no right or wrong in everything in this world, only different choices. Our concepts, thinking, and perceptions will lead us to make different choices. So, each choice is only the person's own, and there's no right or wrong. You're not wrong.

Ultimately, we decide what kind of relationship we want to have. We can get along in whatever way is comfortable for us. Because everyone has different values, thinking, and perceptions, it's important to maintain appropriate boundaries, not infringe on others' boundaries, and not allow others to infringe on our own. This can really help with our interpersonal relationships.

I hope you find these opinions helpful.

Greetings, question asker.

I am Sunny Dolphin Floaty, a practicing psychologist.

1. I do not have a multitude of close friends, as I am not inclined to form such intimate relationships. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with individuals prying into my personal affairs. I adhere to the belief that all relationships should be maintained at a distance.

I am disinclined to pursue intimate relationships. What, then, constitutes an intimate relationship?

In your opinion, would you say that an intimate relationship is about revealing one's private life to the other person without reservation?

Additionally, I inquire as to whether you also have close friends of the same sex. Furthermore, I inquire as to whether you feel offended when someone talks about their private life.

?‍♂️Please state your age. Are you currently enrolled in school or have you commenced employment?

Please describe your personal views on love and indicate whether you have experienced romantic love.

?‍♂️Please clarify what is meant by "all relationships." Do these include parent-child, family, husband-wife, friends, and relatives?

Do you inquire of your mother regarding the specifics of privacy that you find unclear? What is her response?

Please describe your attitude towards this matter.

Please clarify what is meant by "just touching the surface." Is this akin to the adage, "A gentleman's friendship is as shallow as water"?

It would be interesting to ascertain the number of individuals who are capable of regulating their emotions and maintaining a certain distance in their relationships.

2. Furthermore, I am disinclined to engage with individuals who impose their opinions upon me. For instance, if I hold negative sentiments towards an individual, I am nevertheless capable of enjoying their company.

?‍♂️Do you find yourself disinclined towards individuals who impose restrictions upon you? Have you ever encountered such a person? Do you believe that such an individual is suited to be your friend?

How do you treat such a domineering friend? Is this the sentiment that your friend evokes in you?

?‍♂️What type of individual do you believe would find such a companion appealing? What could be the rationale behind maintaining a friendship with someone of this nature?

I posit that the only reason someone can be friends with someone like this is because they "stink together." Do you agree?

How would you proceed in such a situation? I would gradually disassociate myself from the individual in question until he was removed from my contact list. Do you believe my actions were driven by a purely calculative motive?

In the context of friendship, it is worth questioning whether the other person truly views you as a friend or if they are merely providing you with a significant level of support.

I would also aspire to cultivate such a friendship.

The adage "the enemy of my enemy is my friend" is often invoked, yet it is not always the case that the friend of my friend will become my friend. Do you concur?

?‍♂️Everyone has a multitude of positive attributes. If one can become friends with oneself, it is reasonable to conclude that there are common positive attributes, weaknesses, and preferences.

?‍♂️Are you a female? Do you possess a neutral personality and a proclivity for avoiding conflict?

Such characteristics are not generally regarded as desirable.

This evidence suggests that you possess a tomboyish nature and the personality of a strong, independent woman.

If my observations align with your personality traits, it would seem that we have a great deal in common. Perhaps we could meet and become friends.

I also appreciate a methodical approach to work and a balance between work and leisure. We share a great deal of common ground.

3. They often assert that I am not being true to myself. However, is it truly being true to oneself to act in a manner that differs from one's true self in different situations? This is a significant challenge in maintaining relationships. I believe that I should be able to relax, not worry excessively, pursue my own interests, and be content with my circumstances. Conversely, I should not feel obliged to engage in conversation if I am not in the mood to do so.

One might inquire whether this is truly an issue that concerns only me.

It is unclear who is entitled to determine whether one is being true to oneself. Why, then, do you care so much about what they say?

It is a natural human reaction to respond differently to different situations and individuals. Therefore, it is inconsistent to consider such responses as inappropriate.

It would be more efficient to simply interact with those with whom one has a positive rapport without the need for maintaining a list of acquaintances.

It is unclear why individuals maintain contact with those who do not adhere to the established norms and standards for forming and maintaining friendships.

It would undoubtedly be beneficial to one's life and relationships to remove such individuals from one's friends list.

Do you experience discomfort when declining requests from individuals you consider to be friends, yet who may not align with your personal standards?

It is unclear why one would maintain insignificant relationships. What is the rationale behind such a decision?

One might be forgiven for questioning whether maintaining such relationships is an effective use of one's time.

?‍♂️To what extent do you consider social interactions to be ineffective networking? How many acquaintances have made unreasonable demands on you?

?‍♂️Have you discussed with your friend the rationale behind their request? What would be the outcome if you were to comply with their wishes?

?‍♂️What if you were to consider the opinions of your friends? It is to be expected that each individual will hold a unique perspective. It is not uncommon for there to be discrepancies between one's own views and those of one's peers. What is your opinion on this matter?

?‍♂️ Do you believe this is your issue? Based on your description of the problem, it can be seen that you are a person with very positive values, but you require the support of facts to be certain. Do you concur?

?‍♂️Is there a specific incident that can be referenced? You may wish to consider the questions provided above in order to ascertain whether this is a personal issue.

It is ill-advised to compromise one's personal integrity for the sake of maintaining friendships. It is imperative to embrace one's inherent strengths and weaknesses and strive for personal fulfillment. This is the optimal approach to life.

?‍♀️I believe your approach to life is commendable. In the adult world, there is no clear-cut distinction between right and wrong. After considering the opinions of others, it is essential to evaluate them independently to ascertain their rationality and alignment with the circumstances and era. Utilize your personal values to assess whether the individuals in your life serve as positive influences and mentors. I extend my best wishes to you.

It is my sincere hope that my response will prove beneficial to you. With the utmost respect,

Dear questioner, I'm Wang Li, a counselor. I've read your question and am happy to talk with you about it.

I can't give you a perfect answer, but I hope it helps.

You have three characteristics in terms of relationships:

1. Getting along with girls: I don't like being too intimate or answering personal questions. I keep relationships at a distance, so I don't have close friends. Girls are more sensitive and nosy.

You don't want to get close to girls because you want to maintain boundaries, avoid being disturbed, and not have others impose their views on you.

2. Getting along with boys: You feel it's easy to get along with boys. They don't think much about what you say, and they never ask you questions you don't want to answer. This makes you feel more comfortable and you have a lot of fun with them. Boys are generally more outgoing and less sensitive.

3. Your friends think you're inconsistent.

You come across as two-faced when you interact with girls and boys.

You can accept your feelings about getting along with girls and boys. Do you want to act like everyone else?

You feel at ease with yourself. You don't worry too much. You do what you want. You're happy when you're happy and you don't speak when you're not. We can respect and accept our feelings and be ourselves.

I hope my answer helps. I love you!

I recall a book that discussed friendship: "You travel together, it seems like you have a deep relationship, but you are just getting what you want from each other. You are inseparable, you confide in each other, but it's just because you are close. Therefore, once someone changes dormitories, graduates, or changes jobs, the intimacy you felt at the beginning will instantly fall apart. Times change, but you demand that the relationship remains the same, which is no different from carving a boat in a river to find a sword."

The author of the book presents a realistic and reasonable perspective on the process of growing up. It is a process of constant forward movement, accompanied by the loss of certain friendships. Inevitably, those who are not a good fit will drift apart, while those who are a good match will remain.

As we age, we tend to become more introspective, pursuing our individual paths. We may encounter individuals with similar aspirations and be able to offer support, but there will always be instances where our paths diverge. Many of us will continue to eat, walk, work overtime, and return home alone.

It is advisable to approach many relationships with a degree of flexibility. It is not uncommon for relationships to evolve and change over time. It is important to allow relationships to develop naturally and to focus on fostering positive interactions and experiences, even if there is a potential for the relationship to evolve into something different in the future.

It is advisable to approach relationships and friendships with a degree of flexibility and openness. By doing so, it may be possible to achieve a greater level of satisfaction in your personal and professional life.

Good day, As a novice in this field, I am eager to learn more about intimacy. Let us collaborate on this subject together.

[The feeling of intimacy]

Intimacy is an emotional state in which an individual is in harmony with their confidant. This can be observed in various forms of interpersonal relationships, including those between parents and children, siblings, romantic partners, and friends.

Individuals who have this emotional experience are able to effectively connect and communicate with others, feel that they are the focus of attention and love, believe that they are needed and valuable, and feel that life is happy.

Psychologist Erik H. Erikson (1902.06.15~1994.05.12) posits that this is the sixth stage of an individual's psychosocial development, the Intimacy vs. Isolation stage (ages 18 to 24). The positive qualities that may be formed during this stage enable an individual to take on social responsibilities and obligations, adhere to moral norms, and make sacrifices and concessions for others when necessary.

The formation of intimacy in adolescents

Sullivan's theory of interpersonal development Sullivan placed significant emphasis on the influence of socio-cultural and interpersonal factors on feelings of intimacy. He postulated that the formation of feelings of intimacy is the result of interactions between people.

Sullivan's theory posits that as children mature, their interpersonal needs become increasingly significant. When these needs are fulfilled, they foster a sense of security. Conversely, when they are unmet, they can lead to feelings of anxiety. Sullivan also asserts that children at different stages of development have distinct interpersonal needs.

The primary interpersonal need during adolescence is the desire to form intimate relationships with others. These relationships initially develop in same-sex peer groups and subsequently evolve into intimate connections with the opposite sex.

In the pre-adolescent stage, adolescents begin to demonstrate a reduced level of attachment to their parents and a shift in their attention to same-sex peers. They establish close relationships with a select few peers through interactions. Adolescents who become good friends become close confidants and even begin to discuss personal matters, gradually establishing a friendship based on honesty and trust.

The formation of close relationships with same-sex peers is a crucial step in the development of intimate relationships with the opposite sex. As adolescents enter puberty, intimate relationships with the opposite sex also become a significant aspect of their lives, leading to the emergence of romantic relationships between the two sexes.

I am unaware of your current stage of life, but if you feel secure, valued, needed, and happy when you are alone, then I would advise you to maintain the status quo. There is no obligation to have numerous close friends, and you may choose to forgo casual acquaintances. However, should you feel the need to start feeling needed, then I would suggest you consider building some close relationships.

[The power of women]

I noted that you indicated a preference for spending time with boys and a dislike of the behaviors typically associated with girls, including nagging and sentimentality. In our generation, there is a collective need to develop a specific type of feminine energy: acceptance, emotionality, and the capacity to build connections with others. (I have observed that you are not particularly adept at building connections with others.)

The strength of masculinity is action, thinking, decision-making, and discernment. It seems that you embody these qualities in a very pronounced manner, which may contribute to your inclination to engage in activities with boys.

The truly amazing person is androgynous, which gives you an advantage over other girls. At the same time, you can learn from those who are less adept at building connections with people, which will make you even more amazing.

My name is Zhang Huili, and I am a psychological counselor. I hope my answer is helpful to you. If you find it useful, please click the "like" button and leave a comment.

Hello, landlord. I hope my answer helps.

We all want some privacy. If we feel uncomfortable in a relationship, we won't want to continue it. Friends support and understand us. They provide warmth and nourishment when we need help. They don't ask us to become like them. From your description, you find it easy to get along with guys because they don't ask questions. This is your ideal relationship. You like friends who don't ask questions. They respect what you say. They don't force you to express yourself. They give you freedom.

We need relationships, but some make us uncomfortable. How should we handle these?

Here are my suggestions:

1. Name the relationships in your life. What are healthy relationships? What are not healthy relationships?

There are many types of relationships.

We will be isolated and unable to connect with others. We need to accept our vulnerability, seek help, and learn to trust others. Only then can we benefit from the strength of others and the nourishment of relationships.

Sometimes we have a real connection with someone but feel hurt in the relationship. This is also a bad kind of relationship.

Some relationships are false and seem beautiful. For example, the relationship between an avid fan and a celebrity, or between a flattering employee and a boss. These are not sustainable. They may seem beautiful, but they are actually false because both parties do not care about the other person as a person.

There is also a healthy relationship where we feel positive. This is a happy relationship where we feel cared for and supported. We will take on challenges and grow.

You need to know which relationships are healthy and which are not. Then you can choose which relationships you want to have. Spend more time with friends who support you and make you feel comfortable. This will help you to grow.

2. How should I handle unhealthy relationships?

In real life, we can't choose our relationships completely. There are always people who don't support us, but we still have to get along with them. Especially in the workplace, we have to cooperate with them. Do you feel frustrated and annoyed? Don't worry, there are ways to deal with this.

First, figure out your own needs. They're often hidden behind emotions and troubles.

You don't like it when others impose their views on you. You don't like anyone who doesn't like you either, but you think you have fun with them. Having fun is the most important thing to you, but others don't think so. Is it true to yourself to act differently towards different people in different situations?

Do you want them to force you to change your opinion? Do you need them to respect you? Do you want them to recognize and understand you?

There may be others. These are your needs.

The second step is to find out what other people want. They hope you like everyone and are consistent. What are their needs?

Do they want you to recognize them and be a stable presence? This will give them security, certainty, and trust. There may be other needs, and you can continue to be aware of them.

Step 3: List your options and choose the one you think is most appropriate. You have three options: 1. Refuse their request and stop associating with them. This will make your relationship tense and uncertain. 2. Accept their request and become someone they call "consistent." You will feel aggrieved. Continuing to associate with them with such emotions is not good for your relationship. 3. Communicate with them, express your feelings and needs, listen to their feelings and needs, and negotiate a mode of getting along that you both accept. This will make you both more comfortable in the relationship.

The third option is best.

Step 4: Talk about it. When you can communicate openly and honestly, you can say when you're uncomfortable or need something different. For example, you can say: "I don't think liking someone is the same as having a good relationship. I hope you can respect my choice."

Then, you can listen to their thoughts and see their needs. Finally, you can negotiate a solution that is good for everyone.

If you can't save a relationship, stop, adjust, and avoid the negative impact. For example, you can "detox" from a bad relationship through a good one. Build your resources and cultivate positive emotions and thoughts.

This is just a reference. Best wishes!