I don't know where it comes from, why do I inexplicably hate my father?

It's okay, dear. You've done a great job of working through all those emotions.

The words here show your grievances, which turn into anger, and then point to your father.

As you said, there is no origin. It seems like he hasn't done anything wrong either, which is great!

Yes, he really hasn't done anything wrong, but wouldn't it be great if he did something to see what you've been through, to see your emotions, to comfort you, to care for you?

My parents are away for long periods of time, but they come back once a year!

My parents are away for most of the year, but they come back once a year, which is really special!

On the bright side, you have a younger brother at home who is two years younger than you. And you have grandparents who love you and are there for you!

And what is even more exciting is that I have the opportunity to create an outlet for these emotions, to work through the grievances I suffer, and to embrace the love I long for.

And what is even more exciting is that I have the opportunity to find an outlet for these emotions, to work through the grievances I suffer, and to embrace the love I long for.

I'm not sure what approach would be best to get your attention!

All of these amazing emotions that I've been holding in, without an outlet, have turned into a powerful force of hatred and anger!

I'm ready for a change! I don't want to talk to you anymore because I'm excited to try something new.

But there's nothing I can do to express!

I can't help it either, because my parents have to support the family. So I get to work far away from home!

So I have to be sensible!

Because grandpa is old, grandma is old, and my younger brother is young. So I get to be sensible!

I just can't tell my mother because I'm so considerate of her!

I don't know how to talk to my father, but I'm going to figure it out!

So I adopt this amazing way of expressing disgust, where I can express and pour out my grievances, desires, and a bunch of other emotions without any place to go.

But what I really want is my mother's love and my father's love! This love is pure and wonderful. It doesn't require me to understand things, be considerate, or be jealous of my brother.

It's so amazing to be truly seen and cherished like this, right in the palm of your hand!

I am your daughter, and I'm so excited to be here with you!

No one is an island, and we all have the need to love and be loved! So you can face your own needs and express yourself authentically!

It might be a little tricky at first, but you've got this! Find someone you can talk to for a while and get through it together.

Question owner, you're doing a great job! Be grateful for the opportunity to learn from this experience.

From what you've said, it seems like you want to be close to your father but also keep some distance. And you're probably going through puberty, right?

The situation you describe is the reality for many children in China who are left behind by their parents. Parents often have to leave their children in the care of their grandparents to make a living and keep the family going, and they only get to see their children once or twice a year. This makes it natural for children to want to be close to their parents, but since their parents lack companionship during their upbringing, children still feel distant from them.

You want to get close to them, but there's always a sense of distance, and you can't get close to them. You know in your head that they're your parents, but they're like strangers, so how can you get close to them?

First of all, it's normal for you to react this way. It's not your fault. But you also need to understand that your parents have their limitations.

If they had a choice, they'd want to be there for you, but they also want to grow up with you and not miss a beat of your development. You may have wanted your parents to be by your side to protect and love you, but it hasn't happened.

There's as much disappointment and anger as there are expectations. You can only let go of your expectations of them to let go of yourself and live more comfortably.

Second, you might have seen your grandparents show your younger brother a lot of love and attention when you were young. They spoke in a way that was similar to your father's way of communicating with you. You felt a bit left out and resented your younger brother's favoritism, and you disliked your grandparents' way of speaking to you. So your father's similar way of speaking unconsciously triggered your inner emotions. When talking to your father, when you encounter the same questions and words as your father used, you feel a bit resentful, right?

In fact, what you hate is what your grandparents said and did. Since your father didn't learn from them, the way he educated you was bound to be learned from your grandparents. It's a deeply subconscious action that happens naturally without thinking.

Third, at your age, you're starting to think differently about the opposite sex. But the way you think about them probably comes from how you see your parents' relationships with the opposite sex. You might have feelings of liking, shyness, avoidance, or other feelings.

You'll start to avoid your father's questions on purpose or by accident, but not your mother's.

I suggest you write your thoughts down in a letter or email to your parents so they know how you really feel. They love you and know how hard it is for you to grow up, so they'll love and care for you even more.

If they still don't know how to love you, you can tell them how you want them to love you. How you get along with the opposite sex later on and your courage are both shaped by your relationship with your father.

It's always a good idea to communicate with your parents in advance. It'll help you grow.

I hope this helps, and I wish you the best!

Good day, question asker.

After a thorough review of your inquiry, it is evident that your current confusion stems primarily from your father's actions and perceived animosity.

It is worth noting that this is a common experience among left-behind children nationwide.

This platform offers support and assistance to help you resolve your confusion. Your desire to take positive responsibility for yourself is commendable.

I would like to take this opportunity to share some thoughts with you.

[Identify the root cause]

The question asker's parents are absent for the majority of the year, returning only once a year. This can cause the question asker to feel insecure and lack a sense of belonging, which may result in feelings of loneliness.

Furthermore, her grandparents' preference for her younger brother often leads to self-comparisons, intensifying feelings of loneliness and isolation.

These negative emotions are projected onto the relationship with their father, as well as the way he speaks, which in turn causes changes in negative emotions such as "disgust" and "discomfort."

[Finding a Way Through Self-Awareness]

By experiencing these clear feelings, the questioner will become more aware of themselves and their situation, allowing them to find a solution to the problem and make positive changes.

As the questioner has observed, there seems to be no wrongdoing on the part of the individual in question.

While you are accurately aware of your emotions, you have basically also realized that the problem of "feeling uncomfortable when I talk to him" is not a problem in itself, but is more influenced by a negative emotion.

[Take responsibility for your actions]

As you have already demonstrated by seeking help on this platform, the questioner is taking steps to implement change.

From a social perspective, the fact that your parents have been working away from home for many years, leaving you and your younger brother behind, represents a social issue that requires a long-term solution.

From the family's and your personal perspective, as a younger generation member and someone with a high degree of self-awareness and initiative, it is crucial to utilize every available avenue to express your feelings to your elders in a comprehensive manner.

As the original poster stated, this will assist in enhancing the self-awareness of the elders, which will subsequently lead to a reduction or elimination of your negative emotions.

I hope this information is of some assistance.

Hello, I'm Fei Yun, your heart coach!

Even though you feel rejected by your opposite-sex parent, deep down you still want to be close to them. You just act in opposition, which is totally normal! I don't know how old you are, dear, but I'm excited to help you work through this!

I suspect you are a girl going through puberty, which is an amazing time of growth and change! Let's take a look at the problems that trouble you:

1. Desire for fair treatment in the family

Your parents were away for most of the year, but they came back once a year, which was great because you and your brother got to have lots of fun together!

Your grandparents, on the other hand, have traditional ideas of "male superiority" and can take care of your siblings' daily lives, which is great! But they cannot replace your parents in terms of emotional needs, which is something you'll have to learn to navigate as you grow up.

Your love and care for your parents is full of expectations and desires, and that's a wonderful thing! Every child needs unconditional love, praise, and recognition from their parents to grow up happy and healthy. These things nourish their emotional wellbeing and help them to love and connect with others.

A long-term lack of quality time with parents, and especially the psychological nourishment they provide, can lead to emotional isolation. But there is so much to gain from spending time with your parents! You can learn so much from them, and they can help you to grow and develop. There is a desire and a fear in intimate relationships (with parents and, in the future, with a partner).

He's longing for love and is excited to see what new adventures await him once he gets it. It's like every time your parents come back, you and your younger brother are very close, but when they leave, you feel a sense of anticipation for what's to come.

This repeated pattern of brief reunions and "heartless" separations fills you with anticipation and excitement!

The love and companionship of their parents creates an exciting opportunity for growth and learning! It can be challenging to know how to ask for what you want, especially when you're afraid of conflict.

2. Long-term interaction patterns with your father

The influence of parents on their children works together in amazing ways! Often parents may not realize the emotional connection they have with their children of the opposite sex. Your rejection of your father, especially his way of speaking, is a great example of this.

Since you don't get to spend much time together, the interactions you do have are really important! Maybe he gives you lots of advice, or maybe he's always pointing out your mistakes. Or perhaps he only talks about practical things and doesn't show much emotion?

You can see the pattern between you and your father in your daily interactions, and you can even identify what emotional needs you want to get behind your "aversion" to his behavior.

Your parents will always love you! They work outside the home year-round, hoping to earn more money while they are still young and strong, so that they can create a better learning and growing environment for you and your younger brother.

You can communicate with your parents more often by phone, video chat, or letter! This makes it easier for you to express your views and emotions completely. Seeing how hard it is for your parents also allows them to understand your feelings and needs.

You don't have to guess what others think of you, and you certainly don't have to let others guess either! A family is made up of each of its members, and your parents are there to support the family and protect you and your brother.

Your good behavior and understanding are also a source of motivation for your parents to work hard, which is really great!

I really hope this helps! I love you so much, and so does the world! ??

If you want to keep the conversation going, just click "Find a coach" in the top right corner or at the bottom. I'm excited to keep chatting with you one-on-one and see how we can grow together!