I don't like the original me. I feel depressed and tired. What should I do?

Hello, host! I really hope my answer can be helpful for you.

I think you're doing a great job! With that last sentence, you've basically found your own answer. When we learn to accept ourselves and be true to ourselves, and at the same time learn not to care so much about other people's opinions, you'll find that you can do better things for yourself and also help others better.

You know yourself very well and know what kind of person you are, which is great! But after we have come to know ourselves, we need not deny or repress ourselves because this is who we are. We like to express ourselves, we like to help others, and this makes us feel happy. Although this kind of self is not so perfect, we feel at ease and relaxed inside, and are more able to live life to the full!

Absolutely! It's so helpful to identify areas where we can make improvements. But before we start making changes, it's really important to embrace ourselves fully.

If you're struggling with self-doubt, it can be really tough to accept yourself. You might feel like you're not good enough, and you might try to suppress your true self and please others. It's a lot of pressure! But when you're self-accepting, you know that you have flaws, but you also have strengths. You can embrace your imperfect, comprehensive, and objective self. Then, you won't be afraid of others pointing out your flaws. Because when you've accepted yourself, you've accepted all of who you are, and that's okay.

So, my advice to you is:

Learning to accept yourself is something you can do with a little practice!

We chatted about this in the room this morning. It's not that once we know we need to accept ourselves, we can do it. It's more like, with a little practice, we can get better at it!

For example, you first need to establish a goal of self-acceptance, which means that you need to make "self-acceptance" a goal to achieve. With a goal, you will have a direction. When you know that this is a goal, you will know how to achieve it, and you will adjust your direction back to the path of self-acceptance when you experience self-doubt and self-negation.

It's also a great idea to seek out supportive relationships and engage in selective socializing. When you spend time with people who make you feel comfortable, you'll feel supported and nurtured. They'll see your good points and give you unconditional acceptance and lots of positive attention. In such relationships, you'll feel very safe, and of course, you'll be able to improve your self-acceptance.

2. Be true to yourself and take care of your own needs, my friend.

If we pretend to be someone we are not in a relationship, it can make the relationship feel really unstable. Once you can't pretend anymore, the relationship will feel like a bubble that could burst at the slightest thing. It's because they like the you who suppresses your own needs, not the real you. In such a relationship, it seems that they like you, but in fact they don't, right?

If you're feeling uncomfortable or tired of being yourself, it's time to take a step back and think about what you want from this relationship.

A true friend will always love you for who you are, warts and all!

And when we're in our true state, we can attract friends at the same frequency. These are the relationships that are solid and long-lasting.

3. Treating others' comments correctly

We're all different, with different life experiences, educational backgrounds, and living environments. We're all unique, and that's a beautiful thing! It's inevitable that not everyone will agree with us completely, and that's okay. We'll always encounter people who disapprove of us, and there will always be people who disapprove of us at some point.

And, we also need to understand that we cannot gain the approval of everyone. Even if we become president, or if we become exceptionally good at something, there will still be people who like us and people who don't. This is just a fact of life, and it's okay!

Once you've figured this out, you'll see that it's probably better to be true to yourself. After all, no matter what choice we make, it's impossible to win everyone's approval. So, it's better to be that real, comfortable self!

And finally, I'd like to add that we can guarantee that the only person who can like us all the time is ourselves. If we like ourselves enough, we'll feel happy and contented. Then, we won't care so much about what other people say because we can give ourselves the affirmation and recognition we want, right?

I hope this is helpful for you! Warm regards,

Good day. I have observed your query and am interested in discussing it further.

The original self is inclined to engage in debate with others.

You are perceived as bothersome. You are especially concerned about the opinions of others, are a loquacious individual, and are inclined to assist others, which results in your postponement of personal tasks.

While assisting others is a rewarding experience, there is a concomitant sense of guilt and distress when one's own needs are postponed.

The self that has been deliberately suppressed is characterized by quietness and a tendency to carefully consider, weigh, and measure every word. While this approach may result in fewer interpersonal challenges, it also leads to a reduction in the number of friends one has. Furthermore, the long-term conscious restraint can be exhausting.

I can see you now. You experience negative emotions regarding your true self, yet simultaneously dislike your repressed self. You are torn between these two emotional states, experiencing a sense of internal conflict, distress, helplessness, and uncertainty about how to proceed.

First and foremost, it is important to note that regardless of whether the self in question is the authentic self or the repressed self, the emotions experienced are normal and can be understood and accepted.

It is important to recognize that this is not a unique experience. Many individuals have encountered similar challenges and have grappled with the same complex emotions.

Do you perceive your authentic self as bothersome, and did this perception originate from a direct verbal assertion? Or is it the result of indirect cues, such as a glance, gesture, utterance, or whisper, that you interpret as a subtle form of targeting?

One might inquire whether the feelings in question are indeed an accurate reflection of reality.

One may posit that the repressed self is less likely to be annoying; however, suppressing one's true self is a challenging and exhausting process. I can relate to this assertion.

You indicate that you are currently experiencing distress and uncertainty because you are uncertain as to which self is the more virtuous and correct. You are unsure as to which self you should strive to become.

Subsequently, one can adopt a more tranquil demeanor, pose a few questions to oneself, and respond with sincerity and honesty.

1. You indicate that you are highly concerned about the opinions of others. Consequently, when you engage in excessive talking and defer your own affairs to assist others, is this an entirely spontaneous act driven by your emotions, or is there an underlying subconscious or deliberate intention to gain approval and praise from others, or to ascertain your own sense of value and existence?

If this is a genuine expression of one's intrinsic nature, then what are the underlying factors that cause discomfort?

2. When one represses one's true self, one engages in fewer conversations and experiences a reduction in the number of interpersonal challenges one encounters. However, this also results in a decrease in the number of individuals with whom one maintains a close relationship. What are the nature of these challenges, and what are their sources?

One must inquire as to whether the issue lies with the individual or the matter at hand. The use of few words, a reduction in trouble, and a decline in friends may be indicative of a repressed self, yet the question remains whether this is a personal feeling or an objective reality.

One might inquire whether this is indeed the case.

3. Given that both the authentic self and the repressed self have circumstances that elicit positive and negative emotions, why is it not possible to accept them both and permit their coexistence?

One might be forgiven for questioning whether such a state of affairs is even possible. After all, it would imply the existence of two distinct selves, which is a notion that many find difficult to accept.

The question thus arises as to whether this is a possibility and whether it can be achieved. If one is willing to search deeply within one's heart and explore, then it is possible to dispel the layers of fog within and find the answer.

One must accept that all emotions are inherent to the human condition, regardless of whether they are positive or negative, painful or pleasurable, beautiful or distressing, successful or unsuccessful, or sweet or bitter. Only by embracing the full spectrum of emotions can one be considered a complete individual.

The absence of any emotion is indicative of a deficiency.

As Kahlil Gibran observed, "I do not seek to supplant sorrow with joy, nor to transform my tears of profound sadness into laughter. I desire for my life to be a harmonious blend of both."

Should one be willing to accept the coexistence of one's true self and one's repressed self, and should one possess the ability to flexibly control them as their master, it would undoubtedly prove beneficial.

It is my sincere hope that you will experience an early release from your pain and suffering, accompanied by joy and lightness. I am confident that this will occur.

Topic master, good.

You seem to be torn between being true to yourself and being the "ideal" self in others' eyes. It seems like you can't have pure happiness and peace of mind no matter which you choose.

You say your true self is active, loves to argue and help others, and cares about what others think. You want praise and gratitude, but feel hurt and self-doubt.

You suppress your thoughts and desires, and think about what other people think of you. This makes you tired and unhappy. I can see that you want to be happier, but don't know how.

If we don't accept ourselves, we won't be happy. Does that mean I just accept my original self and live as I am?

You are not your original self. You will improve with experience and new ideas.

You can't change yourself by pretending. It will only make you miserable. You need to learn, change your perception of yourself, and change how you interact with others. All of this should be based on accepting yourself.

We still need to be true to ourselves and give ourselves time.

*Love and accept yourself.

Everyone is different. We all have our own thoughts, behaviors, and perceptions. This is because of our past experiences, environment, emotions, and personality. Some things are out of our control. Even if our choices led to a bad outcome, we can't change the past. We can accept ourselves, love ourselves, and be objective about ourselves. We shouldn't change ourselves just because others say so.

We can look at ourselves to see our strengths and potential, and to understand our weaknesses. Nobody is perfect. When you look at yourself, you may find you are not as good or as bad as you thought.

Play to your strengths and improve your weaknesses.

We shouldn't ignore other people's comments. We need to know what we want and become the best person we can be.

If other people's comments are biased, we can laugh it off. Not everyone likes themselves. If other people's comments are helpful, we can examine whether we can improve.

Know what kind of person you want to become. Know your strengths.

What can you improve? Then accept yourself and keep growing.

Give yourself time to improve.

We may realize that we still have room to grow, that we can make ourselves happier, and that we can help others. But there is still a long way to go before we can truly become our ideal selves. We need to keep learning, to understand and accept ourselves better, and to get along with others. In this process, it is best not to rush for instant results or to suppress yourself. You can give yourself time and trust that as your perceptions and ideas change, you can truly become that person you want to be.

I hope the original poster can see herself, know what she wants, follow her heart, be true to herself, and keep getting better!

You indicate a preference for a change in your current self. You perceive the previous iteration of your self to have been excessively argumentative and troublesome.

Furthermore, I am particularly concerned about how others perceive me. I am especially inclined to assist others.

One can readily perceive that you are susceptible to becoming internally consumed. It is evident that you possess a kind nature, which inclines you to assist others, and that you are preoccupied with the concerns of how others perceive you.

You inquire as to whether it would be more beneficial to first learn to release oneself from the influence of external opinions and to gradually establish one's own identity before engaging in the act of helping others. The fact that you posed this question at the conclusion of our discussion indicates that you have already begun to recognize your own internal processes.

It is now time to begin searching for one's own path of personal growth.

The question is comprised of four distinct aspects, which will be addressed in turn.

1. Is it preferable to learn to release oneself first? The answer is affirmative. It is indeed necessary to learn to release one's emotions.

It is often recommended that individuals address their emotional state before attempting to address external circumstances. When an individual is in a particular emotional state, they may be more susceptible to emotional influence and may therefore be unable to process external circumstances in a rational manner.

If one suppresses one's emotions for an extended period, it becomes increasingly likely that one will become depressed and develop a rebound effect.

The crucial point is the method of emotional release. Typically, when emotions arise, individuals turn to trusted sources of support, engage in physical activities, engage in shopping, consume food, or listen to music as a means of emotional release.

The prerequisite for either is the absence of infliction of harm upon others. It is possible to express one's emotions in a manner that does not result in harm to oneself or others.

The full expression of emotions is undoubtedly conducive to personal growth. In examining one's own circumstances, it is essential to determine which approach is more suitable.

Should these daily methods of emotional release prove inadequate, it is possible to seek the assistance of a qualified professional.

2. Is it feasible to develop the capacity to disregard the opinions of others?

The question thus arises as to why people care about the opinions of others. One possible answer is that our own sense of worth is derived from the opinions of others.

The recognition of one's own value is often contingent upon the opinions of others. Those who possess a low sense of their intrinsic value may seek to enhance it through positive comments from others.

Ultimately, this is a matter of self-esteem, which may be influenced by one's upbringing.

If one has frequently received this affirmation during childhood and can clearly discern one's own value and align with it, one's general self-esteem is likely to be high, as is one's sense of self-worth. In other words, one may come to believe that one is worthy of esteem.

Regardless of external perceptions, it is essential to cultivate an intrinsic sense of self-worth. Those with a low sense of self-worth tend to be particularly concerned about external validation.

It is imperative that we endeavor to enhance our sense of self-worth at this juncture. We must endeavor to identify our own strengths, past successful experiences, and the resources that are available to us.

It is recommended that individuals acknowledge and give credit for any minor accomplishment, as this can contribute to an enhanced sense of self-worth over time.

3. Strive to become a morally upright individual. This is an excellent objective to pursue.

Although it is accurate to conclude that humans are social creatures and that interpersonal relationships are significant, it is ultimately our relationship with ourselves that is of paramount importance. We endeavour to be benevolent towards ourselves and to achieve reconciliation with ourselves.

When an individual is at peace with themselves, the external world will appear less stressful.

4. Regarding the act of helping others: Individuals are born with an inherent capacity for benevolence, and assisting others is an expression of this intrinsic goodness.

Affirmation of this is always worthwhile. However, the ability to help others is also a prerequisite.

It is important to maintain one's identity and sense of self when providing assistance to others. This raises the question of boundaries.

This is what is often referred to as the concept of psychological boundaries. It is essential to discern what is one's own responsibility, what is another person's concern, and what is the province of a higher power.

It is important to remember that we should not become involved in the affairs of others. We should leave such matters to others. Similarly, we should not seek help from others when we ourselves require assistance. However, from the perspective of psychological counseling, we should not seek help. Instead, we should help people help themselves.

I am uncertain as to whether I can be of assistance, but it is important to remember that there is a vast field of psychology, and I have the utmost respect for you.

Good day, question asker.

Upon reading your question, I found myself laughing. I believe this is because your understanding of yourself and your desire for change appear to be at odds with my own perspective.

Previously, I exhibited a timid and introverted personality. I was apprehensive about raising my hand to answer questions in class and was reluctant to actively participate in activities. My interactions with friends were typically initiated by them, and I was content to follow along.

Many individuals have also commented that I am not as bold or outgoing as they would like me to be. As a result, I have deliberately attempted to alter my behavior. I have closely observed the actions of those around me who are more lively and outgoing, and I have learned to speak and act in a manner that is similar to them.

I have indeed become more outgoing and my interpersonal skills have improved. However, I feel so tired that I actually need more time to be alone and quiet. Interacting with people drains a lot of energy.

It is important to note that there is no inherent good or bad associated with personality. Some individuals are outgoing and lively, while others are introverted and quiet. Being true to oneself is the optimal approach. The underlying cause of feelings of depression, sadness, or distress is not personality-related, but rather the inability to be true to oneself.

I believe you possess a certain charm. Your original character could be described as straightforward, lively, and enthusiastic. You demonstrate an ability to recognize your own shortcomings and are willing to make changes.

However, it may be the case that you have changed direction somewhat too much.

Previously, your personality was straightforward and easygoing, but you did not consider the impact of your actions on others. This occasionally caused discomfort for those around you. Currently, your personality does not negatively affect others, but it does result in feelings of depression and suffocation.

We improve not by self-restraint, but by creating an environment where others feel at ease with us.

I would like to offer a few suggestions that I believe will be beneficial.

Firstly, it is important to stop self-blame and accept your true self.

As previously stated, there is no distinction between good and bad personalities. Individuals with diverse personalities may excel in different roles and have varying social circles, but they are simply unique, not inherently superior or inferior. Therefore, it is essential to maintain authenticity and resist the urge to alter your personality based on external perceptions.

Secondly, it is not necessary to be overly concerned with the opinions of others.

You stated that you intend to hold a grudge for an extended period, which could result in mental fatigue. Initially, it would be beneficial to assess the veracity of the incident that prompted the grudge.

Did you truly cause this person distress? If not, why did he mock you?

If he holds negative sentiments towards you, it is not your responsibility to address this issue. It is likely due to his narrow worldview and values, which prevent him from accepting individuals who differ from him. Additionally, he may lack the ability to recognize your strengths and positive qualities.

Third, prioritize self-care before assisting others.

You have indicated that you frequently neglect your own affairs in order to assist others. This is an area that requires your attention. It is important to learn to focus on your own needs, maintain your own well-being, and manage your personal affairs effectively, in order to have the capacity to support others.

It is important to take the time to consider all aspects of a situation before making a decision. Prioritising your own affairs and getting them in order is also a key aspect of effective decision-making.

Fourth, accept that mistakes will be made.

From your statements, it is evident that you have reservations about your previous self and current self. However, it is important to recognize that no individual is perfect, and no personality type is inherently superior. Every personality has its own distinctive characteristics, and there are circumstances where these traits are more or less advantageous.

An extroverted personality may be perceived as lacking stability, while an introverted one may be seen as lacking cheerfulness.

Fifth, while fully expressing your true self, also consider the tolerance of others.

For instance, if you continue to speak at length, you may be perceived as overly vocal, in which case you can take a brief recess. Similarly, before offering assistance, you should ascertain whether it is truly required.

In the event of a disagreement, it is essential to engage in a constructive dialogue to identify a solution that aligns with the needs of both parties. This requires a comprehensive expression of views and a commitment to finding a mutually acceptable outcome.

My name is Haru Aoki, and I extend my sincerest regards to you all.

Hello! It seems that you have been trying very hard to make a change, but you haven't yet found the solution that is both ideal and comfortable for you. It is understandable to feel confused and disoriented when you are trying something new. How can you become your true self?

I understand this is an issue you're eager to address, and I can imagine you might be feeling a bit anxious.

I believe the first step might be to consider giving yourself more affirmation. Given your clear self-awareness and ability to take positive action guided by awareness, it seems that affirmation could be beneficial for you.

If I might make one more suggestion, I think you'll find it helpful to try the following:

It would be beneficial to further deepen your self-awareness and identify your own tendencies.

Your original self: The disadvantage is that you may experience mental depletion, mainly because you care about what others think and whether you have taken good care of yourself, which could make you feel a bit "silly." The advantage is that you are happy and don't suppress yourself, and you enjoy engaging in lively debate.

The repressed you may find it challenging to express yourself freely, as you may feel the need to be on your guard at all times, think carefully about what you say, and feel tired. You may also find it difficult to make and maintain friends. However, there are also advantages to this approach. It may help you to avoid criticism and to avoid causing yourself trouble, as you appear quiet and reserved.

Could I suggest that you deepen the experience?

Could you please describe what you were thinking and doing when you were mentally draining yourself, and how long it lasted? Also, could you please tell me what kind of support helped you continue being yourself after the mental drain?

Could you please describe what that happy feeling is like?

2. After repressing yourself, could you please describe the feeling of "tiredness"? What do you think and do, and do you miss the "happiness" of your "true self"? If so, is it frequent?

3. Could you please tell me what led you to make the decision to "suppress" yourself and make a change? If you were to make the choice again in the present, would you choose to change without hesitation and be the "suppressed self"?

Could I ask what the reason is?

Everyone has their own unique challenges. You have a great capacity for self-awareness. Could you take some time to calmly immerse yourself in the challenge again, experience it deeply, and see the real you?

It might be helpful to consider focusing on diversity and making good use of other people's comments.

You say you care a great deal about what other people say, which can be a significant source of mental stress. From your description, it seems that you may be more affected by other people's negative comments about you than you realize. Have you considered shifting your focus slightly?

It is not necessary to abandon your original concerns. There are more complex reasons for being unable to extricate yourself from negative evaluations, such as your family of origin and important events. If this causes you a strong sense of discomfort, we suggest that you consider seeking professional psychological counseling. However, for the time being, we hope that you are also interested in finding "positive evaluations," seriously deepening that experience, and spending more time with such evaluations, looking for the possibility of continuing and recreating them.

It might be helpful to give yourself time, and to avoid forcing yourself to let go of the aspects you care about immediately. Could you try to make your focus more diverse? Or could you make some effort to be able to focus in multiple ways?

Perhaps it would be beneficial to act on the positive awareness you already have.

☘️Perhaps it would be helpful to learn to let go of yourself a little, not to care so much about other people's opinions, and to try to be a good person before helping others. It seems that you have already considered this, and I would strongly support your thinking.

It is worth noting that the fatigue associated with suppressing one's true self can be significant. It may be helpful to consider that before we can fully love the world around us, we must first learn to love ourselves. What steps can you take to become more aware of your needs?

It may be helpful to value small changes and take one small step at a time. For example, if the ideal state is ten and you are currently one, then perhaps you could consider what you could do to become "two"?

It may be helpful to allow yourself time to gradually become more balanced and in control.

I believe that the world and I love you, and I think it's important to love yourself and the world too.

Hello,

Host:

I'm Zeng Chen, a heart exploration coach. I've read your post and I can see you're feeling confused.

I also noticed that you've been courageous in facing your inner self and actively seeking help on the platform. This will undoubtedly help you better understand and recognize yourself, so that you can adjust and encounter a better self.

Next, I'll share some observations and thoughts from the post that might help you view yourself from a different angle.

1. Dichotomous thinking

The post also mentions that the poster doesn't like their original self. Rather than saying they don't like it, they're afraid to express themselves, feeling like they're too much trouble. First of all, I can understand this dislike of yourself.

At the same time, it's also been noticed that the host suppresses himself because he doesn't like his original self. Have you noticed that when you go to the opposite side of yourself, you're also going to the opposite side of your original self?

This is what people often call dualistic thinking: if this is bad, then the opposite is good.

But is that really the case in reality? Sometimes, we're just climbing out of one pit only to fall into another.

2. Take some time to explore and understand yourself better.

As you mentioned in your post, your original self likes to argue with people.

It's annoying because I care so much about what other people think. I can be taunted for the rest of my life, so I suffer from mental fatigue for a long time.

You're an activist and a chatterbox. You love helping others, but you often get sidetracked by other people's business.

I'm at a loss for words. I was happy, but I also felt guilty for being so stupid.

It can lead to mental fatigue and a lack of genuine happiness. It often stems from self-blame and suffering.

After reading this, I was curious about why you enjoy arguing with people. What is it about other people's opinions that you find so important?

And why do you love helping others, even if it means putting your own affairs on hold? From a psychological perspective, our actions are the external manifestation of our mental activity.

So, when we do something, there must be some psychological motivation behind it.

If we look at the reasons behind our actions and what makes us tick, we can understand ourselves better. And if we can then make changes, that would be great, wouldn't it?

It's like a knot. You have to first identify the knot, how the rope is wound, and only then try to untie it.

3. Think about your own upbringing from an adult perspective.

First of all, what is an adult's perspective? It's objectivity—observing without evaluating.

There's a strong link between how we look and our upbringing. Many of our behaviours were developed to adapt to the environment at the time, or learned.

These behaviors or defenses were fine for the environment at the time, but now that we're adults and the environment has changed

So, these behaviors and defenses might not be right for our current living environment. We need to look at it from an adult's perspective and ask ourselves why we behave this way.

Could any of these conflicting perceptions have had a negative effect on us during our development? These are things we can look at from an adult perspective.

Once you've observed, think about whether it's reasonable. If it's not, adjust it.

For instance, many people who enjoy a good debate may have been told as kids that they had to win to be able to do something, so that they wouldn't be bullied and it would be meaningful, and so on.

4. Learning and development

The good news is that you're aware you might have some issues and are thinking about how to adjust. This is an important first step.

This also means you've already taken the first step towards understanding and changing yourself, which is pretty rare.

So, what can we do for ourselves next? It seems like you need to learn and develop your personality through learning.

Let your personality develop so you can make some fundamental changes. You can also study psychology, which can help you understand yourself better.

In addition to learning, the host can also seek professional help if they have the means.

For instance, you could look for a professional counselor. They can all help you.

I hope this is helpful and inspiring for you.

Hello, question asker! My name is Evan, and I'm here to help.

From what the author says, it seems like she used to enjoy talking to people and having discussions with them. Now, though, she cares a lot about what other people think and finds it difficult to know who she is. She's full of self-doubt and feels really confused and unhappy. It's important to remember that everyone is different, so what are the author's own characteristics?

It's totally normal to feel confused, uncomfortable, and even a little painful when you can't recognize yourself. I really believe it's so important to know and accept yourself.

Give the questioner a little pat on the shoulder to show them some love and support. Learning about yourself, recognizing your strengths, and accepting your flaws is a journey of self-discovery.

It's totally normal to feel confused, helpless, painful, and uncomfortable if you don't have a clear understanding of yourself during your growth process. Exploring yourself is a long process, and only after you understand yourself will you be able to walk the path you want to walk.

Since the questioner asked the question on the platform, we've chatted a lot about it. So I'll just give you a little advice on how to know yourself:

Know yourself, my friend.

It's so important to learn to recognize ourselves, and the questioner must also recognize their own strengths and qualities. We all have different personalities and different strengths and weaknesses. When we understand our strengths and the qualities we value, it can really help us to balance out our attempts to recognize our own shortcomings. If you can't clearly identify your strengths, try writing them down on paper, for example:

I just love to think!

I'm really good at expressing myself!

I'm going to take some time to explore myself.

I love to observe things and people in detail!

I'm really patient and I'll keep looking until I find what I'm looking for.

I have a great memory and can pick up anything quickly!

Keep on discovering your strengths! You don't have to write them all at once. If you can't think of them all at once, that's okay! Just write them down as you remember them. This is a great way to get to know yourself.

Now, it's time to list your achievements!

We can identify and recognize our strengths by listing our achievements from childhood to the present. And guess what? Achievements can be the help you've given to others, personal achievements, or the difficulties you've overcome. It doesn't even have to be recognized or praised by the public to be considered an achievement!

Paying more attention to yourself and finding your past achievements can help the questioner recognize themselves and understand their strengths more specifically. For example, I was 10 years old and I learned to ride a bike without anyone teaching me!

Guess what! I was only 10 years old and I learned to ride a bike all by myself!

I was lucky enough to get into university, and only about 50% of the entire secondary school population got in.

When I have problems with my interpersonal relationships, I can take a step back and think about them with a fresh perspective. This helps me to make corrections and move forward.

I've never stopped looking to the future, even though I haven't seen any results yet.

Take a moment to think about all the amazing things you've done that you're proud of. When you write them down, you'll feel a lot better about yourself!

It's so important to recognize your negative views of yourself.

It's so important to recognize how you see yourself. We all have those moments when we're a little harsh on ourselves, and sometimes we even generate destructive thoughts to release our emotions. For example, if the questioner feels lost and doesn't know how to get along with others, but has achieved certain results in some areas, then the questioner can think about how these results came about.

Have you ever wondered what other people think of you? It's possible that the idea of arguing with people may have developed from the original family, or it could be a part of your character.

It's totally normal to feel a bit lost when you're trying to get along with people. We've all been there! But when you don't know how to get along with people properly, you might find yourself being a bit unnecessarily critical of yourself. And that can only make you feel negative emotions such as self-doubt.

It's so important to be kind to ourselves! We all have feelings like shame or disappointment from time to time, but these can really get in the way of self-acceptance. So, let's try listing some of those negative views of ourselves, like...

I'd really love to know what I'm good at!

I'd really love to learn how to handle my emotions when I'm around other people.

I must admit, I'm always at a loss for things to do when I'm with someone.

Hey there! We all have that inner critic, and it's okay to challenge it.

When you have negative thoughts and self-doubt, it's okay to question them. Reassure yourself with positive words or thoughts, or use your previously identified strengths to resist negative thoughts.

If you catch yourself thinking, "I didn't have self-discipline yesterday," try rephrasing it like this: "I didn't have self-discipline, but I did well in other areas. I was just a little tired."

Remember all the great things you're good at! We all have different strengths, and you're no exception. Be proud of what you do well. And don't listen to that inner critic! Those negative thoughts aren't true.

"Okay, inner critic, I know you always say I'm confused. I just want to explore my potential more deeply. I know you're trying to protect me, but I believe that as I continue to search, I will find what I like.

"Be kind to your inner critic, okay? Remind yourself constantly, teach yourself, and learn to correct your negative self-perception.

It's so important to find out what you are most motivated to do!

Many people are most motivated to make money and seek career development. What do you think is the most motivating thing for you to do?

You can try making a list of all of them first, and then ranking them. If you were to discard everything except one item, that would be the thing you want to do most right now, and you should prepare yourself accordingly!

Then, according to what you want to do, make some career plans or improvement plans. For example, if the questioner's current biggest wish is to get along with people normally, then they should consider what actions are most likely to be accepted based on their own situation, and how debaters usually get along with people. The questioner can learn from these well-known people to achieve their goal.

If you're feeling stuck, don't hesitate to reach out to a psychologist for some guidance.

If you're feeling stuck and unsure of what to do, you can always reach out to a psychological counselor for some guidance. Many professional psychological institutions are there to support young people who are feeling lost or confused.

If you're still struggling to figure out what you want to do, it's totally okay! You can always reach out to a professional psychologist for some guidance. They can help you take some simple assessments to figure out your direction and life goals.

Everyone is different, and as we live our lives, our goals will change and grow. It's so important to take time to reflect on our own journey, to think carefully about what we want, and to make choices that are right for us, not just what we did a few years ago.

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

Hug that kind poster! It's so great that you're here looking for answers to your questions. I really hope you get the help you need. My views are as follows:

Everyone is so interesting! We all have different sides to us, and some of those sides you might like more than others. But they're all part of who you are, and that's what makes you special. So it's really important to know yourself.

Your original self is free and unrestrained, which can sometimes come across as argumentative or annoying to others. This is your assessment of this side of yourself, and it's totally normal!

There's a kind and lovely side to this side, too. It's like a little strong and hardworking. You like to argue with people to explore the unknown world when they have their own point of view. There's nothing wrong with that! It doesn't matter whether others like it or not. The important thing is whether you can accept yourself.

It's totally normal to not be able to accept this side of yourself just yet. We all have things about ourselves we're still learning and growing into.

Knowing yourself is a very long process, my dear friend. The saying "self-knowledge is knowledge" means that the person who can accurately perceive and understand themselves is a wise person. It is not easy for us to truly understand people, but you're doing great!

If you truly understand and know yourself, you will find your own strengths and weaknesses. And you know what? A brave person is one who can face their own shortcomings and correct them. The prerequisite is to clearly recognize yourself, and sometimes weaknesses are also strengths.

It's okay if you can't please everyone. What matters is that you can accept and like yourself. When you suppress yourself, you realize that this isn't your true self, and you feel a little unreal and unhappy. That's why you feel like "but it's really tiring to pretend."

Know yourself, accept yourself, adjust yourself, and become a happy self. This is a process of growth. It's okay if it's not easy! You're already on the way, so keep going, young man!

Life is full of contradictions, and we spend our whole lives creating and resolving them. In the process, we grow. I really hope this helps!

Hello, question asker.

I am Meow, an intern and a listener at Yi Xin Li.

You are struggling with yourself. You are happy being yourself, but you tend to blame yourself. Suppressing yourself may cause less trouble, but it doesn't make you happy. You need to decide which is the best way.

My answer is to be myself.

Everyone has two faces.

The hardest thing in the world is to be true to oneself. Apart from the world of children, in the world of adults almost everyone has two faces.

There is the real self and then there is the fake self.

We wear masks of hypocrisy and play our parts in society to protect ourselves. We can be our true selves at night, when we return home tired.

You can only shed your disguise when you are alone.

From the moment you open your eyes in the morning until the evening, you wear a heavy burden and put on a show all day long. Of course you feel tired!

But there's nothing we can do about it. To protect ourselves, survive, and make life better, we can choose which self to show—there's no right or wrong.

Accept your real self.

We must reconcile with ourselves. There is no need for an internal battle.

You think the real you is "annoying," so you hide it. You think it's not good and you don't accept it, which causes a lot of internal mental conflict and makes you tired.

When we accept ourselves and reconcile with ourselves, our hearts will become stronger. This is how we gain the power to change.

You must learn to recognize your own strengths, affirm your own value, and see your own growth. This will give you a sense of control over your life.

The ABC theory of emotions is as follows:

When we face things, it is not the event itself that determines which version of ourselves we decide to be. Our attitude does.

American psychologist Ellis proposed the "emotion ABC theory."

The A in ABC stands for the activating event.

B represents the beliefs, perceptions, or interpretations that an individual forms in response to a triggering event.

C represents the result of the emotions and behaviors that we generate.

From the ABC theory, we can see that if we face other people's comments with our true selves, we will see a different outcome.

A: What other people think

B: I must be stupid/I must be meddling in other people's business.

C: Self-blame, hiding one's true nature

The behavior from event A to C is not directly related, but because the thought of "it's my own problem" was generated, it is clear that this does not help us digest other people's comments about us. It successfully brings negative emotions to ourselves and makes us deny our emotions. This is why there is the self-blame behavior of C and the subsequent suppression of ourselves.

Let's try a different belief: Is other people's evaluation really a criticism of yourself?

I delayed my own business, but helping others is still a very satisfying and happy thing.

So, what can we do?

Behavior C:

I will ask the other person to clarify what they meant by their comment.

I helped someone, which delayed my own business. Next time, I'm going to avoid this situation by focusing on my own tasks while helping someone else.

When we get caught up in our emotions, we must ask ourselves why we feel pain. Look within yourself and accept your emotions.

Hello, I'm Flower!

From the words of the questioner, I can feel the huge internal conflict. Expressing oneself can make one happy or unhappy, while not expressing oneself can make one happy or unhappy. This internal conflict may be resolved by just going with the flow—and it's so exciting to see what happens next!

Oh, the joy of a good argument! Why do we like to argue with people?

"Original self: loves to argue with people!"

"The repressed self: not fond of arguing, a quiet person. But I'm so tired, because I'm always on guard, and I have to think about every word I say for hours.

It's true that there will be less trouble, fewer friends, and fewer people to help because there will be less talking. But it's really exhausting to pretend!

When we express ourselves and argue with others, we want our ideas to be seen! We also want the other person to know our opinion as well and change their original perception. In this debate, there can be a different spark, allowing us to have continuous knowledge input, feel excited, and the instant feedback back and forth also allows us to think more. This also shows that the questioner is curious and good at thinking!

Once you've suppressed your true feelings, you'll find you don't express a lot of what you want to say. And you'll definitely pretend to be tired!

Absolutely! In some situations, try seeking common ground while reserving differences. That means you can remain different from friends, respect each other's choices and views, not try to change each other's ideas, and reserve opinions for each other. You can also try being a good listener. Just listen, not thinking, just letting the words you hear go out the left ear and in the right ear.

Let's explore some ways to recharge your mental batteries after listening to others' comments!

"Because I care so much about what other people think! I can be affected by other people's ridicule for the rest of my life, and it causes a lot of mental wear and tear. But I'm excited to learn how to handle it!"

While caring about what others think, you may be judging yourself. It would be great to know whether the question asker feels that the words "argumentative," "chatterbox," and "activist" are derogatory!

In fact, these traits also have a positive side! For example, arguing and thinking a lot.

A chatterbox has so much to say! The questioner can try to look at the comments from others objectively, recognize the positive aspects of themselves, and praise their own performance in their hearts after receiving the comments.

What have you gained from "meddling in other people's business"?

"I love helping others! But I often find myself getting involved in other people's business, which sometimes means I neglect my own affairs. I feel a bit helpless, but I'm working on it!"

It's so happy! But it also blames itself for being silly. This causes mental depletion, and the happiness isn't pure. There's also more self-blame, and it's painful.

It's great to see the questioner is happy, even if he does feel a little self-reproach. It seems like he's on a mission to find pure happiness! You might find that getting involved in other people's business can earn you approval and a sense of achievement. And who knows, it could even lead to something big! Sometimes, we can get so caught up in helping others that we forget about our own lives. But remember, there's no need to rush. Take your time and enjoy the journey!

I absolutely believe the questioner is very capable of handling urgent matters! And there's absolutely nothing wrong with being a little silly in life!

I think what we need is less self-criticism and more self-praise, encouragement, and support!

Follow your heart, balance work and rest, and take care of your own needs!

"So what should I do? Should I combine the two? Absolutely! Learn to let go and not care so much about what other people think. First, try to do your own thing well, and then go help others."

Sometimes other people's opinions are like a mirror, allowing us to slowly see ourselves more clearly. Their opinions may be right or inaccurate, and they may not be comprehensive. But here's the good news: the important thing is how we perceive ourselves! So, go ahead and follow your heart! Speak when you want to, and don't express yourself if you don't feel the need to.

Guess what! "Doing your own thing" and "helping others" don't conflict with each other. Amazing, right? You can also think about who to debate with, what topics to debate, and which situations you can choose not to talk about and which you absolutely have to. And there's no need to suppress yourself. You also get to see your real needs behind these emotions and meet them appropriately, or adjust them. How cool is that?

I'd highly, highly recommend these books: "The Power of Self-Care" and "I'm Really Great"!

I really hope this helps the original poster! Wishing you all the best!

From the questioner's description, I can feel the frustration and helplessness behind the words. From my own experience, I'd love to share some of my insights with the questioner!

#Adjustment ⭐️

▶️Look through the photos I love! I have an album called "Moments of Brilliance" that contains photos that make me feel on top of the world just by looking at them. They are my absolute go-to when I'm feeling down.

You can also have fun creating your own photo album of your "shining moments"!

▶️It's time to record your state of mind! I'm going to walk you through the events that triggered your emotions in a logical manner according to the timeline. Within the scope of what you could perceive at the time, I'm going to help you identify what you gained from this event, where you can grow, and what you want to do next!

I absolutely love keeping a diary! I usually like to record and summarize, and then record all the touching encounters and things that make me feel especially happy, so that I can be grateful. This is also the reason I like to be alone.

And it's also the secret to quickly transforming my emotions! A diary is not necessarily limited to pen and paper. I now keep a diary on a mobile app, which can also store pictures and videos, which is really great!

▶️Think about what kind of self you like, chat with that self you like, ask yourself how to become her, and where is the gap now...

Now for the fun part! Make a list of ten people and things that make you feel happy and content. Then, go ahead and thank yourself for all that you have!

The more you appreciate, the happier you will be! Gratitude and thanksgiving will bring more beauty into your life.

? How to change thinking habits

The great news is that you can change your thinking habits! They are not a metaphysical concept. From the perspective of brain science, they are a habit-forming brain response mechanism with a real and tangible material basis. That means that you can actually reshape the neural circuits in your brain by changing your thinking habits!

The book The Power of Habit is an excellent resource that provides a comprehensive overview of this concept and summarizes and generalizes many targeted experiments.

The great news is that changing habits is something you can do over the long term. Just as habits are not formed overnight, changing habits also takes time.

And who knows—maybe you'll even change your habits overnight! It's not the norm, but it could happen.

⭐️ Here are some awesome ways to change your thinking habits!

The first step is to replace the old habit with the new one!

This method is an absolute game-changer for changing thinking habits! Swap out those old, unhelpful patterns for new, positive ones.

The wonderful thing about prayers, chanting, and mantras is that they all use this principle. And you can even create your own mantra that suits you perfectly!

For example, "I am a good person with many good qualities." Whenever you have a thought that you want to compare, as soon as you become aware of it, just let yourself think your mantra!

The mantra is best a simple sentence with a clear meaning, preferably a sentence. This is the perfect way to get started!

If you don't feel comfortable with self-affirmation, no problem! Gratitude is a great alternative. It's the most effective method I've used before.

Gratitude is an amazing tool that helps us adjust our state of mind and is also very healing!

My replacement mantra at the time was the fantastic "Thank you for the best of everything that is happening!"

And you can use this as a reference too!

2. Distract yourself!

If you find yourself comparing again, don't worry! Just focus on your breathing. Or remind yourself, "What do I want to see?"

I absolutely love the method of positive questioning! It's a fantastic way to shape our habit of positive thinking.

3. Focus on releasing those emotions!

I've used this before and it works really well! It may not be suitable for people without a certain foundation of awareness, but you can find out more about it.

If you always want to be right without judging, then list your strengths and weaknesses. Read the weaknesses back and forth until you get tired of reading them. You'll realize that what you've written is obviously wrong and even a bit ridiculous! Then go back to your strengths and write a paragraph of thanks after each one.

Read it more than a few times!

Now, think about the difference in feelings and perceptions before and after comparison. Then, ask yourself which you prefer! At this time, remind yourself of the saying "what you pay attention to will definitely strengthen."

So make peace with yourself! It's time to embrace your shortcomings and celebrate your strengths. Every day, dig up one of your strengths and record 1-3 things that make you feel happy and moved. Think of it as if you were giving yourself a task. Over time, it will be difficult for you not to be happy!

I really hope my answer helps the questioner!

If you're interested in self-improvement, I'd love to hear from you! I'm always happy to share my experiences and recommend some great books.

And the best part is, whatever you pay attention to will definitely be strengthened!

I really hope you can see more goodness and love in life!